What the hell am i doing here? i don't belong here

[qvilush]

I gained weight and i'm still feeling shitty. Even worse. I hate this disorder. Its so invisible yet so strong. Im tired. All the time. And im not even eating that much. Wish i was just free to eat normally without eating my own soul alive. :(

[i-will-recover-tomorrow]

[qvilush]

Maybe I always was..

[nikish-sa]

[qvilush]

I dont belong here .

[qvilush]

Eating disorders are horrible. Im so tierd of living with this constant voice that wants me to be less in order to be anything at all.

I want to be able to love this body without needing to tear it to pieces

😥

[qvilush]

I said " I want to die"

And he replied " dying is easy. Its living wich is the hard part"

And i took a long breath in and out and he said " you have to choose to fight. Are you a fighter?" And I thought first time deep inside I know i'm a fighter. I just lost the believe its a battle I can win

[rosejuicewonderdrunk]

“don’t look at me like that like i can do better like this sadness is a well that I jumped into on purpose nothing is on purpose”

—Mary Lambert, from “Shame Is an Ocean I Swim Across”.

[qvilush]

Something went terribly wrong. You don't know were to point the finger when it started to get worse. They say it gets better. That time develops you. Why does it feel like time only destroys me?

I don't understand why I keep fighting to live in world that can't contain me inside it.

Everything is filled with bullshit ruels and labels to keep you "sane" and drive you mad.

No justice in the justice systm.

I only find my peace in places that are out of order and timeline.

There It dosn't matter what you can do but what you give and share with the others. Like festivals, just a gathering of freedom. Or india, something in the air in asia like thailad is beyond time and age.here in the western world everything runs by money and power. You fear the police and you live like a robot. You pay just to destroy the logical thoughts that want a simple life. This is not what i find simple. It so much easier for me to move than to settle. To dance than to go to the gym.

Where do i fit?

[qvilush]

I said " I want to die"

And he replied " dying is easy. Its living wich is the hard part"

And i took a long breath in and out and he said " you have to choose to fight. Are you a fighter?" And I thought first time deep inside I know i'm a fighter. I just lost the believe its a battle I can win

[literaryvein]

L. V., excerpts from a past life

[liz-cat-meow-deactivated2020011]

[vanish]

(x)

[atzamot-deactivated20140425]

[remanence-of-love]

[devouringdespair]

“There’s no greater salvation than never being born into this world”

[dave16389]

[sacredwhores]