rachel

I write sometimes

[rachh-writes]

When we argue, you ball up your fists and punch the walls until both of your fists get cut open and torn. You yell and scream in my face until I have enough tears to drown in. You bring up past events that pry me open and tear me to my bone, yet you don't see your abusive tendencies. You act like my father after coming home late, smelling like cheap alcohol and putting both his fists in the wall. I don't know why you act the way you do, maybe it's my fault. I let people into my life too easily and when they treat me with only disrespect I excuse the behavior. I blame myself, I cry until I can't breathe and I bend over backwards for you and you still throw me down to the ground and make sure every ounce of love I have for you slowly and painfully fades.

-when will my love be enough. r.a

[rachh-writes]

I wish I could explain what you do to me. When I talk to you and you hear the sorrow in my voice, you almost make it a mission to figure out what is making me so unhappy. You tear and pry until you get that simple sweet smile out of me. From the corny jokes to "Hey are you actually okay" is what makes me start to feel safe while in your presence. Your calm composure and silent nature sends my soul to a peace filled tranquility. I would swim all of the seas and steal all of the stars to see the glimmer in your eyes grow and grow. I would hold your hand in your tough times and I would praise the ground you walk on. With every touch I am filled with feelings of hope, hope that you can make me happy. Some say I depend too much of my mood on yours, maybe they're right, but I don't care. I would do anything and everything for you dear because there is nothing you don't deserve. I wish you only happiness and love in your life, even if I'm not the one giving it to you.

- only you. r.a

[amintleaf]

When I first saw you

I could have sworn

my soul leapt out of my body

just to meet yours a little sooner

[rachh-writes]

Time

I haven't felt like myself in a long time, I feel stuck. I feel as if the caring and ambitious child is lost now and there is nothing I can do to get them back. After all the heartaches and heartbreaks I feel like I have grown weak. My friends always ask "why do you feel the need to have a boy to feel like you're enough?" And I can't even answer them. I crave the need for attention, I always have. Whenever I truly fall in love, I fall hard, I fall to my knees until they bleed and bruise and when I lose the person, I break. I wish I could love myself as much as I love others, maybe then I would come back and be able to bloom.

- I want to go back to normal. r.a