Stranger Things
we're not kids anymore.
Jules of Nature
taylor price
trying on a metaphor
Cosmic Funnies
Cosimo Galluzzi
Monterey Bay Aquarium
tannertan36
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
cherry valley forever
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
wallacepolsom
roma★
Kiana Khansmith
Not today Justin
No title available
Sweet Seals For You, Always
🪼
seen from Paraguay
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from Belarus
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Russia
seen from France
seen from Türkiye
seen from Jordan
seen from United States
seen from Egypt
@radicaljocy
I’ve noticed a lot of men on Tinder like to include their Uber rating in their bio so I’ve added mine and I’ve actually had a lot more matches recently but it’s just because they want to message me and ask, “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO GET A RATING OF 2.9??????”
Clowns For Christ 2004
things i say that confuse and worry my coworkers:
“happy birthday” every time i hand them something
“well, that’s not ideal” whenever something is going wrong
“we are in the timeline that god abandoned” whenever i’m mildly inconvenienced
“can’t you see that your fighting is tearing this family apart?” whenever two or more coworkers are arguing
referring to taking medication as “eating medicine”
“time to go back to prison!” when putting animals back in their cages
referring to inanimate objects as (s)he, particularly when i break something and say “oh no, he’s dead.” this concerns them especially when i follow it up with “that’s not ideal”
“what are they gonna do, fire me?”
I work in a blood bank, and constantly refer to blood types as flavors, such as “Oh, you need two units? What flavor is he?” And my older coworkers just look at me confused but my coworker that’s my age doesn’t miss a beat and responds “A Pos”
Past coworkers have found it very strange that when I ask where an item is (stapler, post-its, etc) I ask “Where does [X] live?” and when I tell a coworker where something is I say “[X] lives in this drawer/shelf/what have you”. And my new boss recently told me that the schedule calendar “lives” on her desk and my eyes lit up with joy.
i want to hear more about your boss
Coworker: “Did you see the new copier?” Me: “No! What breed is it?” Coworker: “…what?” I.T. Guru: “Canon. The one we bought for the downstairs lab is an HP.”
• Whenever I turn something off, I always say goodnight to it
• Whenever I’m scooping ice out of the ice machine I like to comment on what kind of treasure I hope to dig out of the bottom of it one day
• I always refer to cutting up lemons and limes as cutting up the heads of my enemies
• Whenever we only have one serving left of one of the items on our menu I always tell customers that they need to fight to the death for it
• The first thing I tell every single new employee, before I’ve even introduced my name, is that they should never have taken the job because that position is cursed like the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher position is in Harry Potter
• “How do I know this isn’t a trap?”
• I will wear a badge saying that I’m the “Birthday Girl!” at least once a month
• “I vote to leave the customers on their own to die in peace.”
• Whenever my boss finishes a meeting and asks if there are any other questions I always pipe up with something totally irrelevant like, “Yes, why isn’t it called TEETHpaste?” or bizzare like, “Yes, why won’t the cash register ever say that it loves me?”
things that are good, in no particular order:
animals with markings that look like eyebrows
animals with markings that look like socks
The 1980’s called and they left a voicemail message that I will never listen to
(Source)
My new favourite thing is when I meet men who have regular names like Brian, Russell, or Alan, asking them what their names are short for.
Current level of intoxication: I’m going to a web series launch party and I have had a lot of pre-drinks
- I have had a lot of pre-drinks but was still able to remember to put an aluminium water bottle of spiced rum and cola in my bag
- I’ve had enough pre-drinks to be surprised that there’s spiced rum and cola in the aluminium water bottle in my bag
Christmas in July is just a made up holiday designed so that you can make up that you’re spending money
My new favourite thing that a completely drunk stranger has shouted to me is, “You look like a primary school teacher!…But that’s okay!”
Is this snake oil from free range snakes?
A hairdressing salon, but without the mirrors so you don’t have to stare at yourself and come to terms with all the crimes that you’ve committed
“I wish I could pull my whole eyeball out and it could keep blinking. How cool would that be?!”
Someone in this bar
I celebrate Christmas in July and in the same way that some people who celebrate Christmas in December start listening to Christmas music in October, I’ve been listening to Christmas music since May
I’m loooking to have a new logo designed for me for my new website and business cards! I’m gathering quotes at the moment, so, recommendations for great graphic designers please! Feel free to promote yourself, too!
My new favourite graffito in my suburb is “CRINGE DUNCE”
Was the villain in Richie Rich just a kid who opposed wealth inequality?
