pairing: rafe cameron x ex!reader
summary: 5 times reader haunting rafe’s narrative (+1 when he finally moves on)
warnings: angst, no happy ending, suggestive, mentions of depression, rafe x sofia in the end, paragraphs in italics indicate flashbacks
a/n: my first 5+1 fic :p this is my fave work yet so pls don’t let this flop 😓 lowq hate the subtitles but oh well
rafe opened his eyes, finding himself in the same position as last night, where you left him. his head pounding, body heavy, eyes bloodshot, he looks around his living room. the couch he unknowingly slept on caused his back to ache.
the whole room was a mess, bottles littered the floor, the air stank of weed and piss, and lamps knocked over. last night was another typical night for him, hosting a party while ward and rose was away. his eyes trained on the clock, noting that they would be back home soon. but that’s the least of rafe’s worries.
last night, you broke things off with him, which came as a great surprise to him. he tried the best of his abilities to recall exactly what you said, despite all the alcohol and coke clouding his mind.
“it just isn’t working out, rafe. i think we should break up.”
at first, he didn’t think you were being serious. for him, he had been having a really fun time with you. turns out, the feeling wasn’t mutual at all. for him, he really thought you and him could go somewhere, farther in a relationship than he had ever gone. this realization terrified him, but throughout the months of pure bliss that was the relationship, he learned to accept it. oh, how sideways things would go.
rafe remains lying on the couch, unable to move his body. he felt your absence intensely, mainly because, you used to be the person who helps him get back into shape after a hard night.
he felt your hand graze across his face, your warm and delicate fingers contrasting to his cold cheeks. although his eyes was still closed, he could feel how close you were, your scent invading his space, your breath caressing him.
“rafe. rafe, baby, wake up,” you whispered, gently nudging him. his eyes opened, confusion evident in his expression, before calming down after realizing it was you. “here, drink this water, baby.”
he took the glass of water from your hands before sitting up and drinking it. you took the now vacant spot next to him, your palm roaming around his back, your face pressed against his bicep.
rafe downed the water in seconds, droplets coating his lips. you tilted your head up towards him, catching the beads of ice water with your lips before pecking him. before you could pull away, though, he grabs the back of your head before smashing his lips against yours, making his way down your throat, and nestling his face into the crook of your neck.
he was always like this whenever he was hangover, clingy and needy. you tried to ignore the fact he was ever only like this when he isn’t himself. you two stayed like that until the cleaners arrived.
rafe plays that memory in his head, still in denial that you are no longer part of his life. no one will ever tend to him during a hangover anymore, a reality he needed to accept, fast.
it’s been a few days since you left him. he hasn’t been able to get you off of his head. every minute, every second, he sees you, just a figment of his imagination. he has tried, many times, to reach out, but he held himself back each time, fearing that it’ll make things worse.
he’s been moving as if he does’t exist anymore. days pass, he wakes up, eats, showers, and goes back into deep slumber. his movements doesn’t register in his mind, he works like a wind-up toy, his consciousness far away.
sometimes, if he has a short window of awareness, he would acknowledge his depression-like ways, but then your face flashes across his mind, and the process repeats.
truth be told, this breakup hits him harder than he expected. the thing he hates most is that he had no explanation from you. just a short “we’re done, rafe.” he thought you were happy because, hell, he was. he really was happy with you. happiest he’s ever been. and he knows it’s because of you.
your kindness, gentleness, and tenderness touched him right in his heart. you showed him warmth and affection when no one in his life had.
no one comes to check on him. he has burned too many bridges with the people he cares most.
the day he breaks the pattern is the day you text him. he was lying on his bed, as per usual, when his phone chimes. he didn’t even hear it, before a second one comes in. he grabs his phone without changing position.
can i come over? i wanna get my stuff.
he stares at the message, words blurring together. after a minute to digest things, he slowly got up and scoured around his rooms for your things.
your hoodies, which you kept here in case you wanted to stay over. your skincare routine, which is stored in small travel containers. your charger, which you brought here because you two kept arguing over his. your glitter tumbler, which you call your “comfort water bottle” and bring it everywhere you go. and many more.
he gathers them all, ignoring the strain on his heart whenever he finds another item of yours. he shoves them all into a box, not even glancing long enough to register what it was. that is until he comes across the one thing he wanted to forget. your blanket.
the door clicks open, signaling that rafe was home. you were snugged in between a mountain of pillows on the sofa, tv already on and hamilton filling the screen.
rafe’s heart skips a beat at the sight. you, making yourself at home at his house. this is what he’s been yearning for all his life. somebody he could come home to. somebody for him to love and love him back.
“rafe! you’re finally home! i didn’t wanna fall asleep before saying goodnight to you,” you squealed, arms opening to invite him in. he immediately drops everything in his hands and joins you on the couch, your arms embracing him. after a long hard day, this is what he needed.
you and rafe curled up together, underneath a thick patchwork blanket, one he’s sure he’s never seen before. “this new?” he asks you, face buried into your hair.
“oh! i completely forgot! i made this, look! i sewed our old clothes that no longer fit together. see, this is your old varsity jacket,” you say, pointing to the logo, “this is my old onesie i used to wear a lot when i was a baby,” your finger moved upwards towards a soft-pink fuzzy square.
he swears, his heart couldn’t take much anymore, he felt like he was going to explode from your sweetness. what did he do to deserve somebody as caring and attentive as you? whatever god he prayed to, he would be doing a lot of thanking in his lifetime.
you continued to point out and mention every single square of the patchwork, not noticing how rafe was admiring you, barely listening. “i love it, i love it a lot,” he whispers, afraid that if he spoke one more word, his throat would constrict.
you two spent the night coddled up, the tv in the background softly buzzing, with your voice humming along to hamilton.
rafe wishes more than anything to erase that memory. no, what he wishes most is to hate you, to resent you. but, how could he? if only he could only recall the worst parts of you. then, maybe this grieving process could progress even faster.
he shoves the blanket roughly into the box before carrying down the stairs and dropping it on his front porch, not giving it a second thought. he would rather die than see your face again.
3. the accidental encounter
there comes a time after a separation that you, inevitably, run into your ex. rafe has spent the last month sulking around his house, only going out to places he’s sure you would never go to. this day, though, he was forced by topper and kelce to join them at a bonfire.
reluctantly, he agreed. frankly, he was tired of being a miserable loser who mopes over a girl.
he sits on top of a hill, drink in hand, already half empty. staring down at all the people mingling, he wishes he was one of them. even with the deafening music, blinding fire, and pungent smell of sweat and alcohol, he still couldn’t take his mind off of you. what were you doing right this moment? were you thinking of him, like he was with you?
he took a giant swig of his drink before his eyes landing on somebody in the crowd. you. it seems like his body instantly knows where you are.
god, you look amazing, blissfully unaffected by the absence of him in your life — a complete contrast to him. he hated how happy you looked, how only he was suffering from the aftermath and you continued living your life normally.
as if you could sense rafe’s gaze, your head turned towards him, your eyes meeting his straight away. your eyes widen just a little, not wanting to give him the satisfaction that you’re affected by his nearness.
quickly turning your head back, you nod your head along to whatever your friend was babbling on about. you tried your hardest to refrain from facing him again, to see how he was doing, to apologize to him with your eyes.
you could still feel his eyes on you, which makes you wonder what he was thinking about. little did you know, he was reflecting on the night he introduced you to his friends for the first time, on this exact beach.
rafe’s arms thrown over your back, he lead you towards his group of friends. no amount of debating or protesting from you could keep him from making his way across the bonfire, winding through the crowd.
topper, kelce, and a few other people who often mingled with them, sat around on tree stumps, in a circle around a small fire. “yo! rafe! where the hell have ya’ been man?” topper called out, raising his beer bottle in greeting.
you and rafe stopped nearby the group, your side pressed against his. the cool air breeze blew in between your coat, making you shiver. that, and the anxiety coursing through your body. “yo, guys, i wanna introduce you to my girl. we’ve been dating for a while,” rafe declared, definitively.
he nudged you lightly, which causes you to wave and introduce yourself with a slight smile. the whole group all said their hi’s simultaneously, with no sign of disdain, which you — secretly — expected.
rafe sat down at the only available space, in between kelce and a girl you’ve never seen before, pulling you down and placing you on his lap, not caring how others gave you the stink eye. the girl beside you started chatting it up with you, jabbering on about ‘girly things,’ rafe claimed.
as the conversation carried on, rafe couldn’t help but hold on to your waist tighter, feeling unreasonably content with how easily you integrated into his friend group, how comfortably you fit into his life.
by the time the reminiscing ends, rafe’s bottle is empty, telling him it’s time to leave. he bids top and kelc goodbye, ignoring the complaints spilling out of their mouths. he trudges through the sand, leaving everything behind him, you and the memories that haunt him.
but, it seems that fate has it out for him, because as he walks out at the same time as you. “rafe,” you call out, your face regretful.
he stops, mid-step. he debates whether to completely ignore you and walk away, or to hear you out. as much as he wants to do nothing but hurt you the way you hurt him, he chooses the latter.
“you look good,” you comment, your eyes going down his figure. he was sporting his typical asshole rafe facade, which, strangely, made you miss him more.
“yeah, yeah, uh… ya’ look good too,” he slurs his words, feet swaying a little. before you could voice out your worry, he opens his mouth, “look, uh… i gotta go. yeah, see ya’.” he raises his arm in goodbye, and stumbles down the hill.
you stare at him for a little while longer, trying to swallow the feeling that he was itching to get away from you.
after the unfortunate meet-up, rafe decides enough is enough. he’s rafe fucking cameron. he doesn’t get hung up over a girl, he moves on to another one. any girl on the island would be more than willing, at least, that’s what topper told him. but, he decided to finally give the bartender from the club, who has been making heart eyes at him, a chance.
sofia hasn’t been able to stop giggling since they arrived to the restaurant, and it’s getting on rafe’s last nerves. she’s practically jumping on her seat, hair twirling, and subtle leg grazes underneath the table that she thinks is turning him on.
coincidentally, he chose the exact same restaurant you and him went to for your first date. or, maybe, his subconscious chose it. in his defence, the food was good and he enjoyed the overall experience. he didn’t think that it was because of the company he had.
the waiter takes the orders and sofia opts for the salmon. oh hell, what are the chances she would pick the exact same think as you did? rafe stares at sofia, his mind away, before snapping back to reality as the waiter calls on him.
after the waiter leaves, sofia wastes no time before starting a conversation. she drones on about some nonsense that you couldn’t pay to make rafe care, as he’s distracted by the intrusive thoughts of you.
“rafe! you didn’t tell me we were going to somewhere fancy! i would’ve dressed better,” you berated him, following him towards your table.
“stop, ya’ look perfect as is,” he whispered into your ear and kissed your neck before pulling out your chair. you sat down as you wondered about how this is the rafe cameron your friends warned you about.
you both ordered — salmon for you and steak for him — before settling into a comfortable conversation. he asked you some basic questions about yourself, and you answer as truthfully as you can.
by the fifth question, you grew tired of the one-sided questions. “what is this? some sort of interview? why can’t i ask you something?” you teased.
“okay, go on, ask me something then,” he smiled against the glass of his drink, “but i thought ya’ already knew everything about me from the stalking ya’ did with your friends.”
your face burned with embarrassment, having been called out. you recalled the time you and your friends stalked his profile, and your friend, god bless her, accidentally liked his post from two years ago.
“yeah, i don’t know what you’re talking about,” you said, sheepishly. you looked around the room, trying to think of a question that would throw him off. “do you prefer cats or dogs?” you asked, not able to think of a better question.
“that’s your question? do i prefer cats or dogs?” he mocked, “oh, that’s too personal for me, sorry. ya’ stepped over the line.”
“hey! it’s an important thing to ask someone! for me, it’s a deal breaker,” you whispered.
“it’s a deal breaker, huh? well, i better answer this right,” he pretended to think for a moment, “cats. i prefer cats.”
“oh. good job, cameron. you answered correctly,” you tried your hardest not to seem that affected by him, you didn’t want to feed into his already-too-big ego.
the food came, you two ate while continuing taking turns asking each other questions, and after rafe payed and a quick make-out session in his car, he dropped you off in front of your door.
“so, is a second date in the cards for me?” he smirked, thumb caressing your cheek.
“hm. i guess you passed, cameron. today wasn’t half bad,” you tip-toed and pecked him on the lips.
“rafe? you okay?” sofia questions, fingers snapping in front of his face, gaining his attention and pulling him out of his daydream.
“yeah, uh, i’m okay,” he nods. even on a date with another girl, he still cannot get rid of you. he curses you in his mind, willing his best to listen to sofia.
sofia and rafe has been dating for over a month, and for sofia, it has been the best month of her life. for rafe, he feels like he failed — having a girl nearby only enlarges the void of you. everything sofia does, he can’t help but compare it to you.
on the count of it being a month of dating, sofia insists on celebrating the milestone. rafe didn’t even know a month was worth commemorating, but sofia was all giddy, he couldn’t help but feel bad.
sofia planned the whole day, starting first with gifts. as always with everything in his life, rafe didn’t give it much thought. he just bought the first thing he saw when browsing through her — your — favourite boutique. after he handed her the sloppily wrapped gift, she quickly ripped apart the paper before squealing with joy, which surprised rafe with how the windows in his house didn’t break.
now it was her turn, and the effort couldn’t be more different than rafe’s. the box is wrapped in a blue and green polka dot pattern, adorned with a white bow. rafe slowly pulls the bowtie undone, while sofia restlessly couldn’t contain her excitement beside him.
he looks inside, and it’s a heart keychain. he picks it up, and that’s when he sees the writing engraved on the surface.
even before rafe could react, sofia shrieks and wraps her arms around his neck, which catches him by surprise. “don’t you love it? you could attach it to your bike keys and be reminded of me forever!” she peppers kisses all over his face.
but rafe can’t seem to reciprocate the gesture because he’s transported back to the time he celebrated his six month anniversary with you.
“okay, okay, my turn now!” you clapped your hands in excitement, having been impatient for the past week. not to toot your own horn, but what you got him is probably the best gift you’ve ever given anybody. and it most definitely tops rafe’s gift.
you hid the gift as best as you could, which was hard, given that it was half the size of you. you forced rafe to put on a blindfold, which he told you he had never had to do his whole life, and to sit patiently.
you dragged the gift, painstakingly, all by yourself and set it in front of him. at first, you wanted to wrap it, but the gift spoke for itself — and it would take a whole village to wrap it.
“okay! open your eyes!” you bounced on your feet, waiting anxiously for rafe’s reaction. “tada!” you jazz-handed, failing miserably to hide your unease.
rafe just sat there, eyes wide and mouth agape. his eyes raked up and down, almost not believing what he was seeing.
in front of him stood a golf bag, complete with clubs.
finally, rafe broke his silence, “what. the. fuck.” he stood up and ran to you, picking you up effortlessly and spinning you around. you giggled as he showered you with kisses.
“i take it you like my gift?” you grinned once he set you down.
“you’re kidding, right? i love it!” he kissed you again, this time harder on the lips. once you two separated, he touched your foreheads together, his hands stabilizing the back of your neck. he whispered something against your lips which made your heart stop, “i love you.”
this was the first time any of you said those three words, but right now feels right. “i love you, too.” how could you not? “wait, wait, before i forget. there’s still more.”
“more?! what did i do to deserve you,” he whispered, mostly to himself.
you picked up a specific golf stick, angling the club head towards him. there, on the metal surface, was your name engraved in cursive.
rafe said nothing, which made you doubt whether this was too far or not. but then, “i think i’m gonna have a heart attack.”
you laugh at his ridiculousness, shoving him lightly. he pulled your arm and tugged you into your chest. “this is so perfect. you’re so perfect,” he kissed into your hair.
it’s been slightly over a year since sofia and rafe started dating. slowly but surely, he got over you. he no longer thinks of you whenever sofia does, well, literally anything.
he no longer thinks of you when she brings him a cup of water when he’s hangover. he no longer thinks of you when the two of them cuddle up to watch a movie together. he no longer thinks of you when he passes by that one specific restaurant. in short, he’s fallen deep in love with sofia that it pushes all the memories of you out.
it wasn’t always that simple though. when they hit the three month mark, sofia sensed that rafe wasn’t into her as much as she was into him. so, she broke it off. but, rafe found himself missing her, realizing that she mended his broken heart. he groveled, begged, for her forgiveness. in the end, the only thing that would win her back is opening up to her.
eventually, rafe confided in her, about you, and about how deeply affected he was by how the whole thing went down. sofia saw how hard it was for rafe to share all of this, and it warmed her heart how he trusted her, and she forgave him.
and as toxic as it seems, that was a sign for rafe that it’s time for the next step. any other woman would run at the mention of an ex, but sofia stayed, and listened. all his friends were encouraging him, having seen how sofia makes him happy.
so, that’s why he found himself on the beach, at sunset, down on one knee, proposing. with little to no hesitation, sofia jumped into rafe’s arms, nearly causing him to stumble, and repeated, “yes! yes! a million times yes!”
little did they both know, you were nearby, watching them. your heart ached, seeing how rafe moved on, yet you haven’t. it seems selfish, you acknowledged it, but a part of you wished he never got over you. because you never did.
when sofia is busy showing off her new rock to her friends, you took the time to go to rafe. to congratulate him, you told yourself. “hey rafe, congrats,” you say behind him, causing him to turn around.
if he was shocked by your appearance, he didn’t show it. “hey! uh, yeah, thanks,” he shrugs.
“listen rafe, i know i never told you why i broke it off, and i realize how fucked up that is. so, i wanted to let you know that-”
before you could explain yourself, he cut you off, “honestly, i don’t need to know. i’m gonna admit, yeah, i was pretty hung up over ya’ for a long time but, sofia helped me get over it. she’s been the light in my life despite how shit i acted at first,” he chuckles at the thought, “but, i’m truly happy now. and whatever reason ya’ might have, i don’t care for it.”
at that, he turns and runs over to sofia, surprising her by lifting her from behind. you stare at them, not knowing that a year earlier, rafe was a completely different person — a sad, miserable guy that wanted nothing but to have you back.
truth is, you ended it because, whether he realized it or not, whenever you two were on a date, you saw how his eyes would trail towards another woman. or, whenever you weren’t around, he would subtly flirt with other woman. he may not realize it, but you did, because you paid attention. towards the end, you came to terms with yourself that it was never going to change.
and, rafe will continue living his life with sofia without knowing why you ended things, meanwhile you have to suffer with the knowledge that the man you love changed for another woman, when you desperately wanted it to be for you.
