Shit My Boyfriend Says

Simply put, my boyfriend is kind of an asshole. He is crass, mildly racist, loud, obnoxious, frequently drunk and stoned, brutally honest, politically incorrect and has almost no social tact whatsoever. While all this definitely makes him a raging dickhead, and nobody is denying that he is, he has also said some of the funniest shit I have ever heard. This blog will be some of the more memorable quotes and observations that have escaped from his drug addled brain in between beers, bong hits and getting into slap fights with his little sister.

[ragingdickheadramblings]

Jesus Fucking Christ, another one??? That chick is easier than a puzzle designed for two year olds.

One of our friends has taken quite a few guys home from the pub lately.

[ragingdickheadramblings]

As far as completely talentless musicians who should never have been famous in the first place go, 2 Chainz is actually pretty considerate. I mean, right before he’s about to take a giant steaming shit on a song he fucking SCREAMS his name. So you know exactly when to change the station.

2 Chainz sure is everywhere these days. Despite not being very good.

[ragingdickheadramblings]

If you blow all the money the government gives you for doing absolutely fuck all on piss and smokes, then can’t afford food, who’s problem is it? That’s right, yours. Not mine. Now fuck off.

Making friends with the people outside the shops.

[ragingdickheadramblings]

Abbos are proof that Bigfoot got laid at least once.

Boyfriend is getting a bit sick of being constantly hassled for smokes outside the shopping centre.

[ragingdickheadramblings]

You know what they should do to those fuckers in the Middle East who think its awesome to throw acid on women because they accidentally went out in public or whatever? Drive around in a big black van and snatch them in the night, V for Vendetta style. Then, give them a sex change operation, and kick them out in the middle of raghead central in a cum stained dress and no burka.

Thoughts on how to combat women’s suffrage in the Middle East. I’ll give him credit, this one actually had kind of a psychotic nobility to it.

[ragingdickheadramblings]

How awesome would it be if Robin Thicke had walked up to her and just straight up shoved her as hard as he could into the crowd and kept going.

Still going off on Miley Cyrus' fairly mediocre VMA performance.

[ragingdickheadramblings]

That was to sexy what grandparents are to fucking.

Watching Miley Cyrus' VMA performance on YouTube

[ragingdickheadramblings]

It's the first toy I ever had. And it's still my fucking favourite.

Talking about his cock. He does this fairly regularly, without anybody asking.

[ragingdickheadramblings]

You gotta be fucken kidding me. That’s meant to be sexy!? Once I was wanking, and mum barged into my room and told me grandad was about to die. While I was still holding my cock, about to bust a nut. She saw what I was wanking to and everything. That entire experience was still sexier than that piece of shit video you just showed me.

Miley Cyrus' new video won't be going in the spank bank.

[ragingdickheadramblings]

If I had water, and that cunt was on fire, I’d come back in an hour, teabag him for like ten, fifteen minutes, then use the water to wash his ashes off my balls.

Not always on the best of terms with his boss either, strangely enough.

[ragingdickheadramblings]

Fucking noob! Your dad should have sprayed you across your mum’s face!

Today's Call of Duty session apparently is not going so well.

[ragingdickheadramblings]

Do I wake you up at seven in the morning to tell you about my imaginary friends?? Fuck off.

Not a fan of religious callers.

[ragingdickheadramblings]

We should get a Katy Perry sex doll, and a Justin Bieber sex doll. Then later on we can get stoned and make them fuck each other.

What happens when you ask a dickhead what to bring home from a sex toy party.

[ragingdickheadramblings]

Fuck 'em. They should make it that any boats caught trying to sneak in will be used as target practice for the Australian Navy. Maybe it will stop them trying, maybe it won't. Either way, problem solved.

Thoughts on the current boat people situation in Australia. Probably won't be running for office anytime soon.