for the prompt 'blue' from @merthurmicrofic
Merlin felt the mask slip for a moment when he undid the bandage. Hopefully Arthur would not notice the slight tremble in his hands and the tension in his jaw.
A stupid hope, really. Of course the king noticed.
"It looks worse than it is." Arthur muttered though his brows furrowed when Merlin's finger grazed the bruised skin.
"You almost died." The servant reminded him.
"Almost being the important part in that sentence." The snort should have eased his mind, reminded him that Arthur was alive. He was warm and breathing and gloriously alive.
And yet it did nothing to appease Merlin’s aching heart.
"Don't joke about it." He wanted to command, but even to himself it sounded pleading.
The look he got from his king turned soft. "I'm fine. Thanks to y-"
"Don't." Abruptly he turned around, realizing too late that he was not finished and that he couldn't just walk away. "It was my fault. Mordred was my fault, Morgana was my fault." His eyes fixed on Arthur's exposed side, where the bruise bloomed from his hip up to his chest.
His finger gently following the endless shades of blue.
"This is my fault."
Warm fingers wrapped around his wrist pulling it up so Merlin's palm rested over Arthur's beating heart.
"I'm alive because of you." The king's gaze flickered down when tender fingertips brushed over his chest. "I'm the king, Merlin. If anyone is accountable for the downfall of my sister it's me. She was lonely and terrified and I didn't try and help her because I just thought that was our fate. I was selfish, I denied the possibility that she suffered more." The pause weighted on his next words. "I always resented her for being his favorite. Isn't that stupid? He was a horrible father to both of us and yet I could not help but hold it against her that she had at least some proof of his love."
The words cost him, it was obvious. The hand encircling his wrist slipped away but not without Arthur's fingertips softly painting invisible lines of longing on his forearm.
"I would be like her if it wasn't for you."
The shake of Merlin's head was that of a child confronted with something unbelievable.
"You wouldn't. You have a good heart."
"Morgana did too. Remember her as she was. Kind and fierce and protective. Loneliness twisted all her goodness and I think she just tried to hide her heart well enough so no one could hurt her anymore and in the process she lost sight of it as well. My point is, Merlin, that you are the one who pushed me out of the way when Mordred tried to kill me but it wouldn't have mattered if you wouldn't have saved me all those years ago by staying."
This was new territory and Merlin didn't know how to navigate it, not with Arthur's warm skin so close and with heavy words in the space between them.
"Many people stayed with you. Leon, Gaius, Gwen to name a few."
He didn't look up so he missed a twitch of his king's lips.
"You know that's not the same." Arthur stated, his blue eyes so open and daring they took Merlin's breath away.
"Why?" he whispered. He needed to hear Arthur say it, he needed him to confirm they felt the same. Needed Arthur to say that he too loved too much, not merely with his heart but with his mind and body, with everything that he was and that he too sometimes lay awake at night drowning in this drowning in the absence of his other half. He needed to hear his own thoughts spoken out loud.
"Merlin." He said the name like it was something precious. Like it was not just a human it was referring to but home and love.
Arthur's palm slipped over the hand that still rested on his chest. "I am not good with words, you are better at this but it feels like-“ He hesitated, unsure if he dared to continued. The bravery won of course. “Every time you touch me, no matter how briefly, you build whole kingdoms in my chest, with citizens devoted to worshipping you as their god."
If Merlin would have known how, he would have cast a spell to create a painting of Arthur in this moment, with a hint of red in his cheeks but unapologetic adoration in his eyes.
"Arthur." He spoke instead. Another synonym for love.
It was intoxicating how the king mirrored his movements when Merlin leaned in. Their words nothing more but breaths formed by longing.
"Please allow me-"
"Yes please."
And then their lips touched. Not hungrily, at least not at first. No, for a few moments Merlin held back, keeping some distance between them like he was afraid of giving his feelings an outlet, as the sheer enormity of them felt powerful enough to rattle the world.
Arthur on the other hand seemed not afraid at all, whenever Merlin's touch ebbed away he called him back.
With the curl of his fingers in Merlin’s hair or with tiny sighs ghosting over Merlin's cheeks.
