I'm honestly panicking so much lately. I heard people say dysphoria doesn't go away even after surgery and I'm so scared. I can't keep living like this. I can't deal with all this and really I'm not saying I want to die or anything I just wish I could see a future for myself where I can be genuinely happy.
Hey hey hey mate take a deep breath okay, you’re gonna be okay, deep breaths, it’s gonna be okay.
If you look at the accounts of trans people, talk to them online or offline, you’ll see that majority of them have said that transitioning reduced dysphoria. Transition does help, my friend. Here, watch this-
https://youtu.be/vMAiJr4OZyI
Also, my friend, there is a future for you, okay? Take a deep breath. You’re going to be okay.
If dysphoria’s hard, try working towards a mentality by learning to stop associating gender with body parts. Curves? Genderless. Flat chest? No gender. Breasts? No gender. Your body is your gender because you’re that gender and this is your body.
Dysphoria can be hard, but what helps is trying to find the good things in life—train yourself to notice the positives. Even if it’s just little things. Maybe you feel like you’re in someone else’s life, but hey, the sun’s bright today, and there’s a flower on the sidewalk you didn’t notice before, and your friend had a bigger smile than usual, and slowly, bit by bit, you’ll start to be happier, and maybe your life isn’t so bad after all.
And while your life isn’t ideal, it’s what you’ve go now, so learn to make peace with it. It isn’t great, but it’s not that bad, hey?
If you feel disconnected from yourself, try to take a deep breath, and try to find parts of your body, just parts, that you like. Look in the mirror and see your eyes—look at the colours and light and know that those eyes will be lit up with happiness one day, know that your teeth will show again when you smile one day, know your hair looks wonderful in the light, and maybe your hands don’t look too bad, and hey, if you wear a baggy t-shirt, maybe your body all in all isn’t too bad either!
If the room’s too dark, try to focus on the light streaming in from the window and the plant growing through the cement, and slowly, the darkness will begin to fade away.
And, my friend, I know what it’s like to play the role of someone you’re not, believe me, to feel like you’re the actor playing the role of a main character in someone else’s life, when your life hasn’t even had a chance to begin.
And my advice for that is to make peace with it. You’ll have to play that role for a few more years before the curtains can draw and the actor’s life can begin, but for now, it’s gonna be okay. Take a deep breath and grit your teeth through the misgendering and the days you feel disconnected from yourself, and know that it’s going to be okay.
Find a way to have a bit of your own life where you can be who you are, maybe with close friends who’ll use the right name, with online friends who’ll always gender you correctly, on discord and tumblr, if the real world won’t accept you.
Just, take a deep breath. If the next week seems too hard to face, take things day by day. If the next day seems hard to face, know that if you smile and look for the light, the next hour won’t be so bad.
You have a future, my friend, I promise, you will be able to have a life where you’ll be yourself and you’ll be happy, okay? There is hope, there always is, there has been hope as long as you have been here and there always will be. You’re going to be okay.
I love you. It’s going to be okay, I promise. Take a deep breath and look for the light. It’s all going to be okay.
