safe space for all asexuals

e - she/her - asexual lesbian ••• positivity, education & community ••• asexualmusings.carrd.co/

[asexual-musings]

about me & this blog!

me

hi! you can call me e. i’m an ace lesbian (asexual & homoromantic) and i use she/her pronouns. i am interested in graphic design, baking, and world history, and i collect sylvanian families and enamel pins. my favorite books are a series of unfortunate events, beautiful world, where are you?, and seek you, and my favorite tv shows are survivor, arrested development, and feel good. i want to spread awareness, positivity, and information about asexuality, and create a community where we are accepted and supportive of each other.

this blog

this blog is for people who are asexual, are questioning if they’re asexual, support asexuals, or want to learn more about asexuality. please do not bring any kind of discourse onto my posts, and be respectful towards me and other commenters.

this is a side blog, so i can’t reply to comments, but i’ll do my best to respond to messages and answer sent in questions. asks are always tagged with “asks”. sometimes it takes me a little while to answer them, but i will get to it.

many of my posts briefly mention sex, but nothing too explicit. these posts will be tagged with “cw sex mention.” anything more graphic or potentially triggering will be tagged accordingly. i also mention any commonly triggering or uncomfortable content at the beginning of the post for instagram repost logistics and as a second reminder in case you haven’t filtered the specific tag i used. reblogs from other blogs are tagged “reblogs”.

i don’t want to have a dni because i don’t think they really work, just don’t be mean or i’ll block you.

asks

i am opening asks again but i might close them again if i get overwhelmed. two things about sending asks: 1. please use trigger & content warnings as needed. i don’t mind pg-13 content but please put a warning and nothing more explicit than that. 2. it might take me a week or longer to answer, but i will get to it. thank you for your patience :)

[asexual-musings]

have to say i’m a huge fan of women. just an absolute stan of The Ladies

[asexual-musings]

it’s okay if you spend a long time questioning and it’s okay if you don’t end up using a label at all

[asexual-musings]

kinda weird how even though amatonormativity and everything in our society being sexualized negatively affects everyone, asexuals and aromantics are ignored whenever we try to bring attention to these things

[asexual-musings]

bringing this back because aro week is making me realize, once again, how frustrating and stupid it is that aromantics get ignored or mocked when they talk about how damaging amatonormativity is even though it’s harmful to literally everyone. i’m alloromantic and i can understand that. listen to aros when they talk about societal issues with romance. they know what’s up

[scretladyspider]

“They’re too young to know they’re ace” oh no what’s the worst that happens, someone explores their experiences and finds that they learned about themselves? They try on a label you don’t like? They accept asexuality even if theyre not ace? What’s next, self discovery? Self love? What’s the worst that happens if they’re wrong? They know more about themselves?

[asexual-musings]

I feel so creepy on dating apps. Like, I want to be someone’s person and I want to find the right person for me but almost every dating app is 90% photography based and it makes me feel so shallow and terrible to vote no on a person just because they have unflattering pictures. How can I get to know someone when all I can see is a selfie and that they work in Springfield and their birthday is in July??? How does this help anyone find a partner? Non-ace people confuse me

not to be dramatic but dating apps just feel so dystopian to me?? i think people mostly use them just for hook-ups and stuff which doesn’t really appeal to me but yeah i agree that they’re not a good way to meet people. it’s so hard to find other queer people to date and it gets even more complicated when you’re ace…

[asexual-musings]

aro people deserve to be happy and fulfilled regardless of the relationships they do or don’t have. you are a complete person as you are.

[asexual-musings]

things i have seen/experienced working in a toy store:

• a customer asking me if boys like coloring

• a customer telling her daughter she can’t give out ice cream stickers for party favors because there will be boys there

• an older couple laughing about how there’s a pink toy sword because a boy would never play with a pink toy sword (because i guess boys can’t like pink and girls don’t play with toy swords. also it wasn’t even pink it was red lol)

• a customer refusing to buy a snail robot kit for his nephew because it was “too cute for a boy”

• a customer sharply reminding me she was buying a gift for a boy when i suggested play food

• a customer telling her daughter she needed to pick a different birthday card for her friend because the one she chose had a pink envelope (her friend was a boy)

• a customer asking what a boy would like for valentine’s day instead of the stuffed dogs she was getting for the girls

• a customer getting upset when my coworker used blue ribbon on a gift bag because the present was for a girl

• a customer saying a toy guitar was “too girly” for her grandson, based only on the fact that the box had a picture of a girl playing with it (the guitar was red with yellow music notes)

but yeah, trans people have some real weird ideas about gender

[asexual-musings]

terfs get the fuck off my blog challenge

[asexual-musings]

story time:

the last time i had an actual, honest-to-god crush on someone was almost three years ago. i actually started wondering if i might be aromantic, and i had just been imagining having romantic feelings for people in the past. but then. last week. holy fucking shit. i realized i have feelings for one of my friends. and i forgot how much love hurts. like, physically. every time i think about her, i just feel this tightness in my throat. it’s an intense longing that’s tinged with loneliness and excitement, and being around her just doesn’t feel the same anymore. so i’m definitely not aromantic akdhakdjakfhhs

i think infrequent but really intense and long-lasting crushes is a common thing among alloromantic asexuals. i’ve never felt as sure about being ace & lesbian as i have this week.

[asexual-musings]

things i have seen/experienced working in a toy store:

• a customer asking me if boys like coloring

• a customer telling her daughter she can’t give out ice cream stickers for party favors because there will be boys there

• an older couple laughing about how there’s a pink toy sword because a boy would never play with a pink toy sword (because i guess boys can’t like pink and girls don’t play with toy swords. also it wasn’t even pink it was red lol)

• a customer refusing to buy a snail robot kit for his nephew because it was “too cute for a boy”

• a customer sharply reminding me she was buying a gift for a boy when i suggested play food

• a customer telling her daughter she needed to pick a different birthday card for her friend because the one she chose had a pink envelope (her friend was a boy)

• a customer asking what a boy would like for valentine’s day instead of the stuffed dogs she was getting for the girls

• a customer getting upset when my coworker used blue ribbon on a gift bag because the present was for a girl

• a customer saying a toy guitar was “too girly” for her grandson, based only on the fact that the box had a picture of a girl playing with it (the guitar was red with yellow music notes)

but yeah, trans people have some real weird ideas about gender

[asexual-musings]

actually asexual and aromantic people are allowed to feel literally anything about sex and romance and relationships. actually we don’t have to follow anyone’s made up rules about what we can and can’t do and how we can and can’t feel. actually identifying as asexual or aromantic or both is not putting yourself in a box, it’s allowing yourself to experience your identity freely and live how you want to live.

[asexual-musings]

psa

romantic attraction that allo-aces experience is not lesser because it’s not paired with sexual attraction

[asexual-musings]

will the lonely middle schooler inside me ever die? will she always be watching her friends whisper secrets in front of her? will she ever be in a room full of people and not feel painfully, desperately alone? will she always have a gut feeling that something is undeniably and permanently wrong with her? will she ever realize she has more to offer than usefulness and convenience? will she ever know how to interact with people her age? will she always feel like she’s everyone’s last choice?

[asexual-musings]

i wish high schoolers didn’t have so much pressure to start dating and have the ~magical~ first love that everyone thinks is so important. lots of happy and fulfilled people don’t date until adulthood. lots of happy and fulfilled people don’t date at all. give yourself permission to make your own rules and lead your own life.

[asexual-musings]

i’ve been writing short stories for a while now, and i’ve kind of avoided any romantic themes so far, but i realized that if i ever do have romance as a part of a story, i would probably have to make all the characters asexual. i don’t know if i would be able to write a character who experiences sexual attraction, despite all the research i did when i was questioning about what the hell sexual attraction is, because i think about these feelings in a very intellectualized/rationalized way. the way i’ve defined sexual attraction so i can understand it is measured and precise and just… inhuman. it’s hard to imagine a feeling you’ve never experienced yourself, and i don’t think i can picture sexual attraction in an organic enough way to be able to write about it effectively.

[asexual-musings]

I don't really like listening to overt sexual songs either. My friend took me to a Louis Tomlinson concert a few months ago and I had never really listened to him before but I noticed that none of his songs are sexual it's more about emotions. A lot of the songs actually sounded better live but I did add several of his songs to my playlists after the concert, I think my favorite is Defenceless. (In case you are interested!)

ooh thanks for the recommendations! i haven’t listened to his music yet but maybe i’ll try it out!

[asexual-musings]

stop calling yourself sex positive if you don’t recognize asexuality and the complicated relationships a lot of ace people have with sex. you’re not sex positive if you don’t support the choice to not have sex. you’re not sex positive if you don’t support the choice to wait until a committed relationship. you’re not sex positive if you don’t support everyone’s right to make the choices they’re comfortable making related to sex, including asexual people, and especially including sex averse/repulsed asexual people.