Untitled

For now.

[rainemaee]

Day Forty-Three

Who do you go to when you’re frustrated?

[eloquentfragments]

“Writing to you is like kissing you. It is something physical,”

— Simone de Beauvoir, from a letter to Nelson Algren c. November 1949 (via violentwavesofemotion)

[rainemaee]

Day Thirty-Six

Perfect proposal would be in Chicago after a bike ride exploring the city in August, maybe at the Bean or on Navy Pier or way up high in the skybox.

[rainemaee]

Day Twenty-Nine

You broke up with me so you can talk to that Bitch without feeling “guilty”. Well, how do you feel now? You shouldn’t be fucking around with me when your feelings are still halfway across the world. It’s been almost 6 years and this shit is still going on. I’ve never felt more disrespected in my life. You’re going to regret everything you’ve done one day. And when that day comes my heart will finally be free of you.

[rainemaee]

Day Nine.

I miss you. All. The. Time. Even when you’re right next to me, you’re not really there.

[rainemaee]

Day Five

I don't know if I just think of kids because that's what has been pushed on me my whole life. No one around me have ever made the decision to NOT have kids. I've never really thought about it before, it just seemed like a given. The usual picture of what is suppose to be. But I thought about it today and kids may or may not be for me. Having a kid would and should be a mutual product of love between two people, not a necessity. Idk if that changes anything. I hope it does but idk.

[rainemaee]

Day Five

Looked at travel nurse opportunities

1. LA

2. San Francisco

3. New York

4. Chicago

[rainemaee]

Day Three

I’ve been in bed all day, Appa and Toby standing vigil at my bedside wondering what’s wrong with mommy. In and out of sleep. I woke up crying. Now I have to get ready for work.

Night one of three in a row.

[rainemaee]

Day Two

I’m gonna have to take solo trips now. I guess we’re not going to the Philippines in December or Japan in 2020.

[rainemaee]

Day One.

I’m at work now.

But I can’t tell you that and I can’t talk to you. At least not like we used to. It doesn’t feel right to update you on the little, unimportant things in my life anymore. I miss you but I will pull myself together for me. Because I am on my own now and I need to continue on with my life. I cried it out and then I showered and took care of the boys and I showed up for work. Smile plastered on my face and all. Fake it till you make it right? That’s what everything feels like - unreal and fake. I’m just moving through the world. I’m not ok right now but I’m still doing what I need to do.

[rainemaee]

We didnt have the best relationship and not many words were exchanged between us but everything I did was my way of trying to show you that I cared. I tried to show you through loving and caring for him and those you loved the most that I loved you too. Mistakes have been made and feelings hurt on both sides but I did my best to atone in my own way. Maybe it wasn’t enough. Maybe I should have voiced all this before but I am not one good with confrontation. I thought your love was asking for too much due to the circumstances so I tried for your acceptance. We may not have seen eye to eye but I know we had one thing in common, that we both love him with all our heart. I will never know how you really felt about me or if you ever accepted me but I hope you knew that I truly love him and I will take care of him to the best of my ability. Rest In Peace.

[rainemaee]

Dear ---, It was an honor being your student in high school and I'll never forget how the blood flows through the heart because of you. After 8 years, our paths crossed again and I will admit it was hard for me to see you like that but it was it was an honor to take care of you as your nurse. I remember receiving my assignments for the night and I saw your last name and I just knew it was you. I want you to know that you've had a hand in shaping my present profession and how I treat my patients. Thank you for all you've done. I may have just found out that you have gone to be with the Lord but know that I've been praying for you since we last met. Condolences to your family and loved ones. You will be dearly missed. Love your student, Lorraine, RN

[rainemaee]

Houston Lights. #notsowinterlights #rainedout #houston (at Magical Winter Lights)

[rainemaee]

Three years in a row and coincidentally the same day every year. #squadgoals #bestfriendssincehighschool

[rainemaee]

Annual obligatory Christmas Picture with my woes. No matter how busy our separate lives get, we can always get together and pick up like it was yesterday. #highschoolsweethearts #bestfriendssincehighschool (at Ambrosia)

[rainemaee]

"But Mommy, why?". 😩 His face when I told him he's getting a bath and getting his nails clipped. #mommyduties #pitbullsofinstagram #pitbullsinsweaters

[conflictingheart]

This ‘supermoon’ total eclipse happened tonight.