Product Placement
blake kathryn
Keni
Claire Keane
Kiana Khansmith
izzy's playlists!
$LAYYYTER
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tumblr dot com
Show & Tell
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cherry valley forever
Today's Document
roma★
oozey mess
TMBGareOK. The Official They Might Be Giants tumblr
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Cosimo Galluzzi
untitled
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@raini-ragnaroek
The Catalogue of Ships in the Iliad is, to a modern audiences, what classicists have called “boring as hell,” but I can’t help but think that if you were watching Homer recite it it would have been more like when comedians go, “anybody here tonight from Chicago?” and the Chicagoans in the back start cheering
Homer’s like, “and there were forty black ships from… LOCRIS” and the Locrians in the crowd start going absolutely nuts
Hollanov + tweets (part 2)
I made a battle axe out of monster cans
PARENT: I got "rubber duck" for my child's "bath" and she loves it.
AUTISM RESPONSE: Rubber ducks and other rubber bath toys can accumulate mold on the inside because of small holes underneath where moisture becomes trapped. The mold often goes unnoticed because it's not visible from the outside.
CORRECT RESPONSE(?): That's nice, I am unaware of how mold could impact this situation.
Customer: Forgot to put my orange juice on the conveyer belt.
PENDING RESPONSE: That particular brand is currently being sued for sanitation issues in its factory the next town over
IMPORTANT NOTIFICATION⚠️: A grocery store cashier is supposed to successfully sell items to "customer"
Customer: Forgot
to put my orange juice on
the conveyer belt.
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
heated rivalry + text [communication experts / ?]
PLEASE explain the Latin fuck words. for science
Okay so. The Romans think that sex doesn't count as real sex unless Someone Is Getting Penetrated By A Dick Or Dick-Adjacent Object. Very sort of dick-centric system.
So Latin has six words for "to fuck", divided into three pairs: one pair for each of the possible Holes (ass, mouth, pussy). In each pair there is a word for topping and a word for bottoming.
Most people who know a little about Latin fuck verbs know 'pedicare' and 'irrumare' from the first line of Catullus 16 (Pēdīcābō ego vōs et irrumābō), which is a poem about saying "absolutely shut the fuck up and piss all the way off" to fandom antis and purity police who are making repulsive accusations about you personally, based on things they're reading into your work from a bad-faith perspective. Catullus was so real for that and it's incredibly endearing to me that he was dealing with the same thing we are still dealing with. I got a hater in my askbox doing this about The Wisdom of Emperors just the other day, but I took the high road and, unlike Catullus, did not tell them "I will assfuck you and I will facefuck you" So here sort of a chart about the verbs: Topping | Bottoming Mouth: irrumare | fellare Ass: pedicare | cevere Cunt: futuere | crisare
Another fun fact related to the fuck verbs was that the Romans didn't think about sexual orientation in terms of who you're attracted to, they thought about it in terms of "which is your favorite hole and what do you like to do with it." So you'll get graffiti (ancient roman subtweeting) about things like "Marcus is a fututor [cunt-fucker] and a pedico [ass-fucker] but omg girlies I also heard he's a fellator [cock-sucker] 👀👀👀👀" In the modern day we'd just call him bisexual, but in Ancient Rome it is not enough to know if someone is bisexual (they think it's kind of perverted if a man only fucks women, like do you have some kind of freaky pussy fetish???? you've never once even fucked a twink??? dat's gay, bro. gay to not be bi), you also have to know if he's being bisexual in a respectable sort of way
You will notice that pussy-eating is not on this list, because those words do not mean "to fuck", they translate more directly to just "pussy-licking" (cunnilingus), and because the Romans are sexist as all hell and think that's gross and filthy anyway. This is not ONLY because of pussy terror, it's also that the mouth is the most sacred part of the body -- so eating pussy or sucking a dick is actually considered slightly more "shameful" than getting fucked in the ass. (Please note as well that the fuck verbs are gender neutral -- if you're a roman man and your girlfriend owns a strap-on, she can [pedicare] you. but be careful because your sworn enemy in the forum will have a fucking FIELD DAY if he hears about that and will write a Mean Poem about you or subtweet you on a public wall)
The moral of this story is that the Ancient Romans were absolutely *GAGGING* for social media (see Martial's Epigrams, aka My Best Tweets), and the second moral of this story is that if this was a fun post for you, you should look at my kickstarter for alllllll of this kind of nonsense in the form of A Fantasy Novel That's Pretending To Be An Academic Paper With A Fake Bibliography And Foonotes aka The Wisdom of Emperors. And please signal boost this so everyone can know about Latin Fuck Verbs and Roman Subtweeting, we've really learned so much here together
he has 2 electrons... who? the boy reading this...
I know we talk a lot about how Ilya turned himself from a ho into a housewife, and how much he loves to be a My Husband guy. "My Husband" this, "My Husband" that, "Have I told you about My Husband Shane Hollander?" And yes. True. Love that.
BUT, do you ever think about how quietly, but equally, chuffed Shane is to be a My Husband guy too?
There are definitely points in Shane's story when he thinks This Fcked Up Thing Between Them will never amount to anything but sex – he doesn't dare even entertain it until the cottage. And there are YEARS in between when Shane is pretty much convinced that in order to have a happy future, he would need to be in a heterosexual relationship. He has a lot of internalized comphet notions that take him trying and failing to date Rose to dismantle. Based on his upbringing and environment, he thinks he NEEDS to be with a woman in order to have a long-term partner that he can be with publicly. Rose is the ONLY person he's ever liked enough to even consider, but he can't even like HER enough for that.
There has to be a period of mourning, after that conversation with Rose, when Shane thinks maybe he WON'T get to have a partner. After all, things with Ilya are FAR from assured at that time.
Meanwhile, he's certified Husband Material. As I've Shaneterpreted before, he's a major Protector and Provider. He's DYING to do Husband Chores for someone. Man the grill. Mow the lawn. Make the fire. Kill the spiders. He's worked so hard, he's built this big cottage, and for what?
He WANTS to share it with someone, and for a while there's a strong possibility that he won't, and he'll never get to have that.
So when it all works out, and he gets to think of himself and Ilya as an "Us," I think he gets a little smile to himself. He's calling the pharmacy like, "Hi, yes, I need to refill a prescription for My Husband." "Hi, is this the lost and found? My Husband lost his earbuds again." "Two tickets, for me and My Husband."
He looks normal. For all the world he's as calm and collected as ever. But internally, he's JUMPING for joy. He gets to have a husband! And it's ILYA!
shane: i'm gay (i tried so hard, mom, i tried so hard to not be this way, i tried to like rose in the way i should but i can't and i'm not the golden boy everyone wants me to be)
ilya: hm. what makes you think that? (my brother in christ we have been having gay sex for close to a decade now. wtf are u on about)
shane: fuck you! you aren't gay! (you have the choice. you can be with a woman and it won't be a lie to yourself. you wouldn't be in agony every second of your life. you can live the way the world wants you to and it won't be a lie)
ilya: no, not completely (yeah, i'm attracted to men and women both, but what does it fucking matter? whether i am completely gay or not, the fact that i like men is enough to alienate me from the place that birthed me)
shane: well i think i am! completely. (i'm not perfect anymore. i've realised that i cannot be with a woman. i lie in bed with a woman and it feels like a punishment. i have to think of you to feel even the slightest pleasure despite having a girlfriend men would kill for.)
ilya: why are you telling me this? (why does your being gay or not gay matter? a label means nothing when it doesn't change the secrecy, the wrongness, the inevitability of this, of us both.)
shane: who else am i going to tell? (this is an important moment for me. i have to come out to someone. you're the only safe option. you already know this, you have the same secret. let me have this moment with someone who isn't literally the one telling me i'm gay.)
i think one of the first people who figures out ilya is in a secret relationship is the bears team doctor bc suddenly after years of never bringing it up at all he comes in with a picture of his back with a bunch of moles circled in red like hello are any of these cancer? What about this one? and the doctor asks what exactly about the moles concerns him and he just shrugs
Hudson Williams, #1 Shane Understander
I think Shane was a character who, soon as I read him, made all the sense to me. I felt immediately a kinship and an ownership over Shane. I was like, “I need to be the only person to tell this story. I get it. I want to be the person to be Shane and I want to spend time with him.” [x]
(sources below)
Heated Rivalry AU where Ilya dips out early from a post-game party with Boston, and someone gets the idea to put on a Hollonov compilation as a joke.
The whole team settles in with rapt attention, ready to roast the shit out of Roz over it via group chat, only to see. Well. It's a series of interview clips over the years. It's made up exclusively of three things. One, clips of Hollander "stealing" linguistically challenging questions that the whole team knows Rozanov hates. Two, clips of Rozanov derailing questions that are about Hollander's "representation of his community," which gossip on the street says makes Hollander uncomfortable. Three, Hollander and Rozanov commenting individually on the rivalry, with vicious comments such as. "He's of course a great player, but he'll find us difficult to beat." Such fire in Rozanov's comments are especially damning, given his whole chirp-king-schtick. The video editor, with all the obsession and perception of a true fangirl, makes sure to circle every instance where you can see the shadow of Hollander and Rozanov pressing their feet together - and in one instance holding hands - beneath the interview table. (You wouldn't see it unless you're looking for it - or unless someone circles it in red for you.)
The video finishes, and the team sits in a kind of shocked silence as the next video auto-plays. This one is a compilation of Rozanov chirping Hollander on the ice. Here, the editor has helpfully drawn an arrow to Hollander's face whenever he blushes. The editor has also inserted text overlays with comments like. "Look at how fiercely Rozanov insults his rival." And then puts smaller arrows pointing to Roz's body language, with helpful texts like "excited wiggle indicating absolute fury," and "besotted grin indicating deep hatred." The sarcasm is distressingly accurate in its point.
(Listen, the whole team knows what Roz looks like when he's chirping someone. This - this is not it. This is not it at all. This is him when he's being silly with people he really likes. What is going on.)
The video finishes, and this time someone has the presence of mind to stop the auto-play before another mind-breaking thing comes up.
Someone else, trying to lighten the silence with a joke, and maybe dismiss it all as a fever dream, says, "Montreal Jane? More like Montreal Shane, am I right?"
And. Well.
Once it's out there, there's no coming back from it.
Cliff asks aloud, to no one in particular, "Are we just stupid?"
Shane’s fifty blinks per second when he realizes Ilya’s jealous is so dear to my heart
I know bisexual terminator was trying to come out during tuna melt gate but all Mr. Autism heard was "gay as fuck to never be seen with a girl btw" "you're failing to perform heterosexuality they're going to kill you"
"I think you can tell your parents you're gay without giving them a list of all the guys you're fucking" said in a joking manner is not a joke at all.
Because when they bring up Shane's parents and Shane says they'd be okay with him being gay but they just haven't talked about it, Ilya shrugs and lets it go.
However, when Shane adds "Sometimes I think I would've told them already" Ilya cannot let it go "Oh this is my fault?" Because Ilya knows how much Shane loves his parents. And Shane would've told them already if it wasn't Ilya. Shane who loves his parents so much is lying to them because of Ilya. Shane whose parents would be okay with him being gay is keeping it a secret because of Ilya. If it was anyone else, Yuna and David would welcome him into the family and accept him as Shane's boyfriend and love him. She would've loved you like I love you. Shane is lying to the most important people in his life because of Ilya. She would've loved you like I love you. Because his parents would be okay with him being with a man but not him being with Ilya. She would've loved you like I love you. Because his parents hate Ilya. "I think you can tell your parents you're gay without giving them a list of all the guys you're fucking" Am I just a guy you're fucking? "Anyways it doesn't really matter" And Shane abruptly stands up and Ilya's hand on Shane's leg drops and he's doing the nose thing that he does when he's uncomfortable. It doesn't really matter...
Little does Ilya know that Shane's love for him is so potent and so powerful that he's willing to lie to his parents to protect it.
They have been gradually feminizing the Water type starters each Pokemon generation
Gens 1-3, big, bulky, masculine Water type starters, Blastoise has cannons in its back, Feraligatr has sharp claws and fangs, mega Swampert is a muscular beast
Gens 4-6, sleek, androgynous, still badass and powerful looking but definitely not as masculine
Gens 7-9, thin, feminine, cunty, skittle squad incarnate, these starters are for the girls and the gays
Now here we are in Gen 10 and there's no more holding back. First stage and she's already got the wings and the bedroom eyes. They're putting chemicals in the water to turn the fricking Water types gay.
