Wk

Scvm

[rainmanq]

-Something to remember you by

[rainmanq]

Your beautiful inside and out baby

Just know it’s a different light when I think of you baby

Coming from different worlds

I rather be with you

I get lost in your eyes it’s a fatal attraction

Started counting my ends because of you I might start subtracting

Go by a different name but it’s the same sin

With you I feel like I can’t lose

It’s all coming from a brighter spark

If we make love it might keep me warm throughout the dark

She’s my fire but I never get burnt

I might pledge all love for you

I Just want to hold your hand and kiss your cheek

Taste you lips because they look so sweet

Preparing for war I might need your love

[rainmanq]

I figured it out; I’m dead inside.

-Me

[quotemadness]

“I want to thank you for never being there anymore. Your absence has forced me to find my own way.”

—

[rainmanq]

Won’t have to worry about me anymore .

[rainmanq]

😢

[rainmanq]

I don’t wanna cry at work

[rainmanq]

Part 1

I’m all alone and I miss her so much that it hurts. I stop drinking and I think it’s the right choice. When I saw my grandma in pain; I just wanted to help her but I couldn’t. Most the time I feel helpless and out of control so what’s the point. I have so many memories that I cherish without even knowing and to be honest I want them back. I haven’t laughed the same in a while and it just feels forced all the time. I let her go but my heart won’t allow it, or maybe it’s all in my mind. I feel sad because she loved me and I couldn’t even keep my word to her; it’s like I’m not even worth it to myself anymore. I can’t imagine someone loving me the way she did or if I’ll be thinking about Bianca while I’m with someone else but if I don’t find someone new I’ll never get over her. I’m afraid of what I think and the way I feel because of this. She’s always in my dreams which I didn’t think would be possible, but none of it was bad. I remember when I was dreaming that me and Bianca were sitting in a red SUV parked, she had disdain all over her face and I just smiled continuing on pleading my case but she looked ahead with the same look. I could feel her anger as she looked ahead it’s just seemed like my words couldn’t reach her and deep down I understood. It’s all my fault and I don’t deserve sympathy but I can’t help the way I feel or maybe I’m a lost cause and that no one will love me like that ever again but why. She always in dreams there with that smile and it seems like I can’t stop these tears from falling. Maybe I should go ahead and end it but I don’t know how my mom would feel with me leaving her and I can’t say sorry when I’m dead. I can’t leave my mom and she can’t leave me she’s all I got in this world I’ll be lost without her. It just feels like the world is crumbling around me and it’s nothing I can do. The more I see what’s in front of me the more I feel empty. I’ve gotten use to the idea of dying by someone else’s hands while living here in Baltimore because life is just that; it’s the thing of which I can’t control. So much wrong how could things go back to being right it’s just unfair because I can feel. No matter what I do I can’t shake that feeling it’s always hanging around me. It’s just feel like there’s weights around my heart weighing me down and I don’t want to jump into deep water because I might drown. I can’t delete the video of me holding her in arms I know that but I can do away with all the other photos/videos it’s just I won’t, I can’t let it go of that. I Remember kissing her forehead gently as she slept wondering what she was dreaming and wanting to protect her. In the end it just feels like I wasn’t strong enough to carry us or my weight and that I’m failure. I just feel despair all the time and I’m constantly reminded of my mistake it’s unbearable. I’m hoping for the best but it’s still little things that make me sad and I feel like this is my life now. The only thing I wish for is to go back when I was holding her in my arms but I can’t; I can never go back. No one will ever understand how I feel it’s one of the things I’m use to; alone with these feelings trying to sort them the best way I can. I keep saying I’m the same thing hoping I might come to my end so I won’t be in pain but the fact remains; the deepest part of my soul is longing for something. In one of my dreams I saw her smile it was beautiful just as I remember her but I couldn’t speak I just watched her. As the days past I spend my time burying my feelings for her with my work and workout routine, even started fasting because I feel like I don’t deserve to eat. Even when I’m depressed I can see through the darkness but there isn’t a glimmer of light that I see. Only when I’m sleeping my mind is clear and free but it wonders to think of her. Maybe my subconscious is obsessed and in this obsession I’m dragged between this. One of the things I regret was not being to shower her with the things she deserves at least then maybe I’d felt more honored. I wasn’t able to provide nor keep my word. It’s the duty of a man to provide and I

- I just hold my head up high. Like the thought of killing myself is the only thing that might bring me comfort but who cares.

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

Osip Mandelstam, tr. by Bernard Meares, from “The Finder of a Horseshoe,”

[rainmanq]

Mood 24/7 :(

[house-of-leo-clothing]

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

Anton Chekhov, from Complete Works of Anton Chekhov; “Strong Impressions,”

[rainmanq]

-I ran from it

[rainmanq]

Letting it carry me

[rainmanq]

NIGHT TIME

Feelings is in the air for a moment. Keeping a leveled head above water but it’s hard. When the memories come a unrest heart begins to cement. With every breath it’s a constant struggle, and it’s time that’s lost because we’re expecting a demise that’s already set. Never had someone like her come here and create a love that’s so pure. If this was a movie then the ending would break most and crack souls that have none. She was the light for the darkness is; shrouded in dispair that won’t leave. Maybe she’s still in this shrewd heart; sticking around for the rest of time itself.

Restless thoughts keep the body charged while it’s Nighttime. Could’ve been a real love story, furthering a sequel for the next generation to see. In this movie her beauty would mesmerize audiences across the globe. Staring into her eyes was like staring into the stars in a distant galaxy; I’d lose myself in them. Holding her felt like a warm blanket on a cold night. Can’t hold a moth from a flame that’s so bright; my soul calls to her the same. Willing to disconnect from this world if it means Iiving with this memory of her. She could be the end that was meant to be for night.

Content with the contrast through lenses we call reality. With these word cloud the path; things feel like it’s passing by in a rear view mirror. You were the one meant to be, and given to me by god as blessings. Living in shame won’t deteriorate these memories only death will. Awaiting the future is awaiting judgment day and it’s cruel answer. That’s only thing in store for us a end to a madness that plagues the hearts and minds of this generation. A critical time just calls for critical thinking, but what about my heart.

Drowning in your love

I feel myself slipping drifting away

A deep sadness placed upon me

Fear arrive at the perfect hour

Maybe I was mistaken to have a love like yours.

Running to you trying to catch up

Racing to love with a clock in my hand

Simple plan was to love you cherish you

You meant to me the world I found safety in you

I really loved your smile and the warm embrace we use to share.

Maybe it was dream

Too real for me handle but I never wanted to wake

Sharing this world with you made it more fun

You gave me a new desire and will to live.

You made me better

Your love was unmeasurable and I wanted to give you all mine.

[rainmanq]

Always at the moment !

[lilbat]

It is time. It is time to forgive yourself for all of the things you did not become. It is time to exonerate yourself for all the people you couldn’t save, for all the fragile hearts you fumbled with in the dark of your confusion. It is time, child, to accept that you don’t have to be who you were a year ago, that you don’t have to want the same things. Above all else, it is time to believe, with reckless abandon, that you are worthy of happiness.🧡

[rainmanq]

Forgiveness isn’t a two way street it’s a one way. It’s starts with you and the healing your willing to allow to enter your life 🗣

[rainmanq]

The casket reveals the untold truths of what he felt. Over the course of winter; quick change made its way to the people’s hearts. Things are always cold when you feel nothing, but cruelty has no face. Sadness became a close relative that comes more often than you’d expect. Crying from a distance doesn’t solve anything, or that’s what it seems to be. It’s still a lot to prove and a lot to see in the world; fear is the only obstacle. These aspirations could fill a ocean but insights anxiety in those who are steadily developing. Today marks a new day; a day filled with love and forgiveness, but it’s limited room for both to exist. A strong stance could block someone from understanding your perspective but given time they’ll learn it’s not the stance to resist. Our hearts are always open but yet we’re scared to love, the chest doesn’t proctect the heart only in casing it. It’ll be seven month and counting; wishing for a better way. Negativity consume the world in a way that’s fueled by something that’s unknown. We are trapped within our own minds unwilling.farthing a opinion doesn’t make it go away; it’s giving a person to grow the opinion. Who’s given a voice to speak their truth, and to be heard for real change. Individuality isn’t taught in school, but in school you’re suppose to follow the structure to succeed in life or what’s been told. No one realizes that every one has the same dreams,wants, and reality. We dress up everyday differently to escape our reality; to reinvent our past selves. The forms of reality are reconstructed day by day but reside within pursuits for our dreams. So it’s madness that we fight and illnesses that we try to prevent, but in truth we’ve already lost the fight. In human life there’s error to be corrected and with this being a fact it’s still poorly executed. Preservation is the key to any society; they’ll section us apart and class us but it’s only two real groups. It’s the haves and the have nots, the rich and poor but these group coexist with each other they need each other. Pull from your souls instead, and let those around feed from it. The greatest feeling in this world that should preach about is “love”. It’s the reason we exist today, yet it’s always a distant thought in our minds. Women are the number teachers of love; they know what’s best when concerning the topic. Before the quiet storm there’s a moment where all things surprisingly calm, but with each day gives a different route to the journey. From birth our hearts are steadily being broke the truth is revealed only because we been lied to first and told the truth second. Is the weight of truth to much to handle for a young mind or is it the conditioning our parents went through that they repeat. There’s no better escape than her love; it was the safest place to be in. The distant memories of a love that was so pure it made the standard. Living without those feelings is what people’s try to make the norm for our generation because sex,money, and drugs moves us faster than love. Then and now restrict the flow of natural born phenomenon; it’s destroyed. Protection is at all time high and wanting this creates a uncertainty for people who don’t have it. So who’s in charge and who’s protecting our well being from evil in this world; it’s us. We’re the same but with different backgrounds but inside we struggle with our hearts to love. Theres a small gap of hope here in the universe. For the people of the free world is just that freedom because our hearts are meant to feel. You wouldn’t do anything without it; it’s only our minds that get in our way from reaching true potential. Unlocking what’s real is why I’m here, and to provide love with my honesty. I want everybody to win by default and without resistance. We the people have a duty for the next generation; to embrace them and be there for them so they know love. To live without the need for protection is what should be achieved.

How the American government is trying to control what you think

Is this the new propaganda?