Its been a while since i did actual research, so a lot of this is based on my personal experience, but I feel like the emotional impacts of adhd are under-discussed, even though the effects are far reaching.
Adhd can make it hard to control your emotions sometimes, with "disproportionate emotional responses" listed as an officially designated symptom. This compounds with the emotional habits you develop due to the way you, as a neurodivergent person, are treated. I have a lot of memories from childhood of hot, tear-streaked, knuckle-white anger that I tried to hold inside because I knew it wasn't an "appropriate" level of response to whatever caused it. Likewise, there was overt anxiety, over excitement, extreme annoyance. And with all of those frequently came the reaction from everyone around me that told me I wasn't acting correctly. That puzzled look (I'm sure you know it), or an uncomfortable smile, maybe the abrupt end of a conversation.
Fear and shame over these kinds of emotions, and the responses they prompt from others, can become second nature, and you might form the exhausting habit of constantly restraining yourself emotionally. Otherwise it can be so easy to slip and act in a way you're told is offputting. But long term, that kind of masking isolates you. It feels like you can only be liked as a costume version of yourself.
My main goal today was to reach out to anyone in that position, and let them know it isn't true. You aren't broken, or lesser, and you aren't unlovable. There are people who will want to be around you without your mask up. Having an ADHDer's emotions can be hard and lonely, but it doesn't have to stay that way. I'm almost 30 now, and it's been a while since I felt lonely that way.
For me, one of the things that helped was just taking a step back and recognizing that what I was doing wasn't working. There may have been less teasing and vulnerability while suppressing myself that hard, but it didn't make me happy. It's easy to get stuck on that "safe" path, when you're used to being hurt and feeling small. But we all deserve more than the bare minimum of not hurting. We deserve to be happy, and to be authentic. We deserve to not be ashamed of our emotions.
So for anyone who needs it, this is me telling you that you're allowed to stop being ashamed of yourself and your feelings. You're allowed to feel happy as yourself. Thank you for reading, I hope this reaches someone who needed it.
snowghoul
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
discoholicmusic
turnnoffyourmind
yousharknotpass
