Petty peeve but there are plenty of signs of distress that are not crying
Too often it seems like the default reaction to anything whumpy is hysterics now. Nightmares? Cry. Startled? Cry. Anxious? Cry. Scared? Cry. Grief? Cry. Pain? Cry. Uncertain? Cry. On edge? Cry.
There's so much more for a distressed whumpee to do!
- Tiny acts of self mutilation (picking scabs, digging fingernails into skin, nervously flicking fingernails until one splits or tears, biting lips and inner cheeks, pulling hairs)... especially if they don't realize they're doing it
- Preferring to be on their feet vs. sitting or lying down because they feel better equipped to respond to anticipated danger
- Holding their breath without realizing it (until they have to exhale)
- Needing to sit where they can see the exit/doorways in general
- Shifty eyes--afraid of looking at one thing so long they won't see another thing coming at them
- Clenched or grinding teeth
- Talking, singing, or humming to themselves to fill silence
- Nyctophobia/needing lights on all the time
- Inability to tolerate touch--jerking away or striking out when people try
- Needing to have their back against something (so nothing can sneak up on them)
- Pulling clothing tighter around them
- Tugging edges of clothing--collars, hems, sleeves
- Voice gets quieter (+ overcompensating because they're aware of it and they end up being too loud)
- Oversensitive to other people's voices, asking others to be quiet even if nothing is happening
- Asking for repeated reassurance that nothing bad will happen as a result of xyz event/action/sound, people aren't secretly angry, etc
- Going quiet, disengaging from social setting
- Pressured speech (talking excessively fast)
- Pressured eating (they wolf down any food they get... maybe they snarf it a little too hard and choke, even)
- Keeping their head lowered
- Otherwise making themselves physically small
- Needing to be alone, or the reverse, fear of being by themselves
- Disruptive rituals (getting up on the middle of the night to check locks or do head counts, obsessively taking stock of everything they own multiple times a day)
- Inability to talk/articulate (even if they try)
- Distracted to the point of missing obvious things, I.e. when someone is talking to them
- Losing their place in conversation, inability to finish a sentence
- Needing a security item, can be anything from a thing a reassuring figure gave them or just a worry stone/coin they can turn over and over as a self-soothe fidget
- Not asking for help because it's a sign of weakness
- Embarrassment/insecurity due to any of the above
Crying is not only an extreme, highly visible reaction, it's one many whumpees will not do where anyone can see them, out of fear of reprisal or just straight up shame. While a whumpee crying alone and isolated is super fun and awesome, a lot of y'all are wanting your whumpees to have trauma responses in front of others. And the reality is, traumatized people aren't a monolith. Not everybody is going to respond to triggers/stimulus with tears--or anything else that can be "fixed" with hugs, hair stroking, and generic reassurances from a Caretaker™. You also have to take into account how the presence of others is going to affect the way a whumpee reacts. (For example: How liable are you to just... straight bawl... in front of others? Particularly others whose intentions you may no longer trust 100%? You might be, but if you're not, this is your sign to reconsider whether your whumpee is.)
What responses have they been penalized for in their past, by a whumper or childhood/prior history? What responses are culturally acceptable/unacceptable to them? How have they reacted to a given response in the past when someone else has done it? Are things different now that it's them? What are the cultural/circumstantial factors governing others' reception of their response? Paying closer attention to the human elements of recovery whump is always the right choice.
So next time your whumpee is in acute distress, remember: Don't just have them cry, diversify!
Because some of y'all's whumpees are out here making me go
