Transient Gnosis

Old enough to be your mom A very nice lesbian Gnostic | ADHD | UFO Enthusiast

[rakkoma]

[lonestatus]

she let me hit because i said please and thank you

[rakkoma]

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

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The kind that’s none of your goddamned business.

That’s what I’d like to say, if I were brave. If I weren’t afraid of her lashing out. So I just ignore her.

The “not lately” is because she moved her new partner in our home. Our bed. She’s been with this person for a month. The second person she’s been with since abandoning me. We were together for 5 years.

[rakkoma]

She’s moved her new gf into our home. And I’m not allowed to be upset. I’m not allowed her attention even as a friend. I’m nothing to her and idk how to accept that after 5 years.

[rakkoma]

Can’t go longer than 3 days without her coming up with some dumb bullshit to text me.

The last thing I told her (3 days ago…) was that I was suicidal, had been sexually assaulted two weeks ago and I was afraid, alone and she was all I had. She said nothing. 3 days later this is the bullshit I get.

She won’t let me heal. She won’t give me space. She won’t let me go despite having a new gf that she’s moving into OUR home. I had to leave, 500 miles away.

[rakkoma]

This is what trauma bonding looks like. 5 years of her telling me that phrase, just to discard me like I’m a stranger. Her inability to take accountability. Stonewalling. Laughing at my pain. And continuing to reach out because she couldn’t possibly allow me to heal.

[rakkoma]

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I realized tumblr is my only safe place to post about her and my sadness. I was more afraid that she would say “uhhhh not really, no” and somehow the causal “yes” hurt more. And I cried but didn’t tell her.

[amliv1]

Harpy by Me

India Ink on Paper

[alien-facts]

Disclosure of extraterrestrial existence has taken a step forward this week. USA Air Force Officer,David Grusch has stated in a public hearing to congress that “We are not alone” and that “non human beings” have been discovered at crashed UFO sites.

alien-facts.com

[rakkoma]

Being without her,,,

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