Ramblings of a Survivor

[ramblingsofasurvivor]

Yesterday, I had several appointments at the VA in Columbus. I have not driven myself there for a few weeks, because I have been having some issues with my balance and dizziness. I was diagnosed with Meniere’s disease a few weeks back and I have been learning to adjust. Things I once took for granted are having to be relearned in a different way so as to not aggravate it. Anyway. On my way there today, I began praying to God to watch over me and deliver me there and back safely. Now I do not know about you, but every time I begin talking to God while I drive, I cry!!! I do not know what it is about it, but this time with Him, when it is just He and I, alone in the truck with praise music in the background, I break loose. I let things out that I did not even know I was holding in. Today was no different. A wave of emotion came over me as I remembered today was the anniversary of my Mother in law’s passing. That led me to thinking about my own Mom, because my MIL had told me she would be my Mom since mine has passed and then a few short years later God called her home too. I asked God to allow me to be a light to someone on my journey today, that He would help me be the person He created me to be and that His light would shine through me. Then, I began thinking of how I am afraid of the dark, and how God and light drives out the darkness. I began thinking back of when it was I became afraid of the dark, and I have associated it with when my Mom passed, and we closed the lid on her casket. But today while having this memory and talk with God a different thought came over me. That was not when it began, my fear of the darkness began when I gave my life to God, when I came out of the darkness. Maybe this was Gods way of keeping me from going back in, to keep me from being lured back. The darkness was not really darkness at all, but the evil and sin that I used to live in and the closing of the casket was just a representation of how at that moment, the moment of death, we either are living an eternal life of darkness or light. I am not sure if any of this makes sense to anyone else, but it did to me. I want to continue to walk in the light, to continue to have God light my way and drive the darkness and what lurks in it away from me. I choose light!!!

[ramblingsofasurvivor]

This picture and story speaks volumes to me: more than most will understand. I could be this woman! My past before Jesus was anything less than spotless and perfect. I was one who said, ' If I walked into church it would burn" despite being raised in one most of my life. Childhood trauma, bad experiences with people, life, relationships all took me down the wrong paths and away from God and to the wrong people and searching for the wrong things. Things that may have made me happy for moments or days, but nothing that made the happiness last. I couldn't understand how a loving God could allow some of the things which had happened in my life to happen and it took me at my bottom, my worst, and about to lose everything before I realized God didn't do it: I DID, with the choices I had made. When I began surrendering to God's will and listening to His voice and stop listening so much to mine, things began to fall into place. I desired peace! A peace that could only come from knowing God. From following His word. From the moment, I, like the woman at the well, drank from the water of life, I had a new desire. It was not that I had not sinned, but that Jesus forgave my sins, and told me to go knowing he no longer cared, as long as I did not not continue in my sinful ways. Now I am not going to say I do not sin or that I have not since that day at the well, but I am more aware, I want to be held accountable. I want to be better, do better and live a life that is worthy of Him.

Nothing is too dirty it cannot be washed, but it must be discarded in order to put on the new.

It's me I was the woman at the well, and Jesus saved me!!!

[ramblingsofasurvivor]

Neither Larry nor myself smoke, but every once in a while we can be sitting in the house and the smell of cigarettes fill our noses. Sometimes one or the other of us smell it and other times we both can. We have at times thought someone was messing around the house, went to look and no one was there. We have thought maybe someone was walking down the road, and also No. Then we smile and realize it is God, not that God smokes, but that He is telling us things will be ok. You see my Granny smoked and Larry's Mom as well, both of these women were comforters, and a source of advice, and we valued and loved them both so very much. So when the smoke smell comes we know things will be ok, God is in control and has sent us a reminder that we are never alone. Sometimes in the smallest of things and the least expected places are the biggest blessings.

[ramblingsofasurvivor]

So, there is a gas shortage in parts of the country, we are told. People are lining up to fill their tank and any other container, approved or not with gasoline. Lines of cars for miles to fill on gas, making preparations for a "what if" situation.

If gas guns out, I know I can walk to my destination. There are also bicycles and horses ( the Amish do it daily). So I choose not to panic. However, what does concern me is people not understanding the severity of NO GOD, or a God shortage. What happens when you have no God in your life and you are stuck on E and at the end? How do you get out? Truth is, you don't. If you have not taken the time to fill up on God, you are doomed, and not just doomed like stranded on the side of the road with no gas doomed-Doomed!!! Like cast into a burning lake of fire for all eternity, doomed!!

So why do we as humans, take all precautions and measures to prepare for worldy crisis, which are man-made, yet fail to heed warning and prepare for the only one which will truly matter?

[ramblingsofasurvivor]

I read an article yesterday that said the predictions of Nostradamus for 2021 would make past years look weak. That if 2020 scared you, 2021 would horrify you. I read not because, I necessarily believe, but I have a curious mind and I am always on a quest. While reading it talked of how Nostradamus predicted solar flares falling from the sky, total meltdown of internet and communication, chaos, great famine and destruction on a global level. Wow sounds like the book of Revelation to me and Bible prophecy being fulfilled instead of astrological. Didn't God tell us these thing would happen? Yet, we fail to prepare. We would rather take the word of an astrological physican than of the one who created us.

Regardless, I am ready, armed with the word and more and will continue to make myself battle worthy each day.

Are you prepared??

[ramblingsofasurvivor]

What happens when we allow sports figures and Hollywood to be seen as heroes? When we pay their salaries? Why must we do better? Why must we teach our children, grandchildren and youth in churches better? They need to know who the true heroes are and that your worth does not come from whether or not you can dunk or dribble a ball, knock it out of a park, rush for 100 yards a game, or how much money is in your account. That success does not come on the big screen in how many stars you received, but rather, your worth comes from knowing God, from your ability to see through eyes which are blind to color, and blind to the worldy riches and by putting love and compassion and God's law above all. While we may not be pouring golden calves like they did when Moses was on the mountain, we have let ourselves and our children be distracted just the same. It is time to shift our focus, and stop destroying ourselves, and that all begins with finding God, and learning to truly love.

#moderndayidols #whodoyouworship #loveaboveall

[ramblingsofasurvivor]

[ramblingsofasurvivor]

I have several friends and people on my feed who are hurting. I may not know them all personally, but my heart hurts for each of them. I have stopped at various times to pray and asked God to touch their lives according to His will and in ways He sees fit. I know that in times of our deepest hours sometimes it seems there is no hope and that the promise of tomorrow is all but there. That is where God and faith come in. I have been there, in that dark place, wondering how, why, questioning the who and reasons. Trying to make sense in a senseless world. Truth is, it does not make sense and the reason is because God's thoughts are not our own. It is when we are at these lows and dark times we must call out and we must realize we cannot do it alone, we cannot figure it out and the world does not have the answers we need or the hope we are looking for. We must submit. In our brokenness, in our weakness and in our failure to understand we must relinquish all control to Him who made us and allow him to help us be the person he created us to be.

Are you ready? What is holding you back?

[ramblingsofasurvivor]

This morning the dogs were ready to get up, but I was not. I wanted a few more minutes. I felt it was a bit chilly, and I could hear the wind howling, so I curled up and pulled the blanket over my head. There, I was safe, secure and warm for a bit longer. Everything which was going on OUT THERE was no longer an issue or a concern, because right then, at that moment in time, I was where I needed to be, to feel safe from everything around me. As I began drifting back to sleep, my mind began hearing a soft and soothing voice telling me that this is how life with Jesus is always. I remember catching myself smiling as I drifted off and more visions came. I do not say dreams, because well my dreams are very rare and even more odd in nature. These visions were soothing and reassuring. Letting me know as long as I kept Jesus' will, He would keep me secure, just as the blanket was now. It did not mean I would not be faced with howling winds or frigid cold or even dogs tugging on me when they wanted something, but knowing where to go when all this happens ; knowing where to seek refuge in the midst of the chaos: well that is more than half the battle. Thank you Jesus for being my warming blanket and my safe space in the midst of life.

[ramblingsofasurvivor]

I am not worthy of the goodness God bestows upon me. I fail Him too often and I stagger in my journey. There are days, I forget to read my Bible, yet He never forgets to wake me. Days I do not feel like being cheerful and praiseworthy, yet He always gives me something to be thankful for. A couple of weeks ago we were running low on propane, so I called the propane company for a delivery. They made arrangements to deliver on our next scheduled day which is normally a Tuesday, things were set. Between placing the order and delivery a snow storm hit and our driveway was unable to be accessed. My husband has back issues and is unable to shovel it and we no longer have a plow so the delivery truck did not want to take the chance of getting stuck. I knew we were running low, so I asked if anyone knew of someone who could help plow the driveway. In come God intervention #1. A neighbor that we had never met saw my request and offered to plow it free of charge. He, like myself, was a veteran. I offered to pay him, but he would not accept, so I invited him to our annual Honor Hunt dinner that our non profit host for veterans. He seemed appreciative. Now our driveway was ready for the propane delivery the next day, except it snowed again that night and iced and the propane truck did not come. I prayed that God would see us through and I knew He would, He always does. Wednesday, I called the propane company to see of they knew when we would be receiving delivery and was told we were on the schedule. This was good. Thursday, all morning, I smelled what I thought was propane. Now my smell has been a bit off since having Covid back in November, so I really was not sure, the heaters were working and not flickering so I thought we were good, then we were not. Off they went. We were out of propane and that was our heating source! I called to see about delivery and informed them we were out and they told me they would get someone soon. We rounded up electric heaters. God intervention #2, we had electric heaters in closets for emergencies so we plugged them in ( our electric bill is going to be phenomenal, but I know God will provide)

Thursday night and all day Friday we heated our 2 story, 1800 Sq ft home with electric heaters, 6 of them to be exact. We were comfortable. Friday night temperatures dropped and it got a little chilly so we got out extra blankets. As we went to sleep that night, I prayed for God to restore the heat. I woke the next morning to dogs barking, God intervention #3. It was the propane guy. He had just filled our tank. Our heat was on. He was out of breath and I offered to let him come inside, but he declined an just rested on the step. I offered coffee, but he did not drink it, he told me the snow had them so far behind and how he had been going non stop for 2 weeks. He was worried when he heard we were out of propane that we had no secondary heat source. I told him God provides and told him I would pray for him today. I was praying for God to lighten his load and to keep him safe. He told me he appreciated it and that it meant a lot. My husband told me the cords on our heaters were hot, God intervention #4, He kept us safe and watched over us.. God is always on time and always answers the prayers of those who believe. God is so good!!!

[ramblingsofasurvivor]

God has not brought me this far to only bring me this far.

[ramblingsofasurvivor]

This was part of my readings and time with God. It was commentary which complemented 2 Chronicles 28:1-4. I have been reading about how the kings and judges each had their own way of doing things, some followed God and His teachings and some did not. Regardless though God was faithful to His word. When I got to this part I could not help but to think of the world today how we look up to movie stars, athletes, politicians, performers, etc ( all idols). We are so quick to run to their concerns and performances, will even schedule our life around their TV shows, yet fail to make time for the one God who created us. We say we only have one day off and want to rest on Sunday yet God did not forget to wake you or breathe life into you. How taking our focus from Him leaves a void which must be filled. This void in turns creates an opening for Satan ad temptation. When we keep our focus on God, there is no room or time for wickedness or Satan. We know light and darkness cannot coexist.

[ramblingsofasurvivor]

I read a passage in my devotions yesterday ( a reminder that God is on time) that said our first step in healing should be prayer. That we should remember God has the power to fix us. This does not mean to not seek advice of Dr's and medical professionals and to follow their recommendations, because after all, God can be using them as His instruments, but to not rely exclusively on man. To take it to prayer.

The past couple weeks, I have done just that. I received some news last Tuesday that I was not expecting. For about a year, I have had a less than pea size knot under my arm. I have not been concerned, but it began growing a bit so I made an appointment. Upon examination 2 other lumps were found in my breast. A mammogram was ordered ASAP. I refused to say the word, but took it to prayer. I told my husband and boys, and called on a few prayer warriors to prayer with me.

Yesterday was my testing. After it was finished, I was put in a room while the scans were read and a bit later the tech came in, telling me, they seen something that warranted further review and she needed to set up. I began praying. With everything I had, I began praying. After all, God did not bring me this far to just bring me this far. The tech came back and ask if I was OK, and I told her yes, that me and God had this, and we went to the ultrasound room. After things were over I got dressed and waited. I prayed. She came in and said things were fine, only fibroid cyst and to follow up.

Tears flooded my eyes and I could barely see to walk out. Still praying! People say miracles do not happen today, and the God of today is not the God of the Old Testament. I say, they do not know my God!!!

[ramblingsofasurvivor]

This past week, I had several appointments at my Veterans Administration, so I did a fair amount of drive time. On one of those times I noticed it was a bit after 1pm and that meant time for my favorite radio preacher, " Dr Tony Evans. " As I drove, he preached, and God began to speak. Pretty soon the spirit began filling us both. I am sure those passing by me thought me a mad woman: one hand on the wheel, one toward God and my head bobbing and nodding, like I was listening to the coach in a game, as he tells me what needs done to score. I was looking for the opening and right there while driving on 37 and doing 75MPH, don't judge, I was "spirit speeding" you know when you so wrapped up in God you forget how fast you are going, "spirit speeding". Anyway, right there, God showed me what I had been needing to hear. I heard the words "believer " and 'one true God " and began thinking to myself how are you a believer if you do not believe in the one true God? Then he told me. The words religion and believer are different. A person can believe in many things but it does not mean they believe in religion or God, or even his laws. Also they can be religious and claim a religion but not one true God. This means they have not dismissed other things in their life and put God above all else. Many religions offer items/gods/places to worship with the promise of fulfilling wants, needs and desires, but they fail to recognize the one true God. You can even say you are a believer and believe in God and Jesus, but if you also believe and call upon other gods or spirits in your time of need or despair you do not have the one true God. Having one true God means you have dismissed all other gods, idols, and doctrine and declare God the Father, the one true God. If you have not, then the saying talk is cheap comes to mind, as anyone can believe but actions provide results.

Do you believe, are you religious or do you have the One true God living inside of you?

[ramblingsofasurvivor]

Today I woke up and things immediately began going wrong. I put cream in my coffee ☕instead of Larry's, I drink mine black and 💪strong. Then on my way to the VA a driver did not know what yield meant, and while doing 70 with 2 cars on my drivers side, a car came off the exit ramp and crossed between me and the car in front, barely making it and into the lane of the traffic beside me. Once at the VA, I was informed my mask was not good and had to put on a paper one and then proceeded to be herded through the door and to stations like cows to slaughter. The radiologist called me MR Mitchell and when I asked of she meant Mrs, she simply said " it happens". She then twisted my hip like a preztle, so if it were not injured before, it is now. After my appointment I went the lab where I gave 15 viles of premium A- blood and a cup of my best urine, only to be tracked down to say a mistake had been made. But it is ok, the lady was sweet and we talked about God and life. I told her that her calling me back was God's way of saving me from something out there. We laughed and talked and I know God sent her to me or vice versa. When I left, I was lighter, and not just bc of the blood, and could not help but smile. As I pulled out 2 firetruck and ems passed and I smiled, not because of them, but because of God. I knew he had indeed been with me and saved me. God is good and on time. So today was a day I had to tell Satan repeatedly to get behind me, today was also the day God showed me he took care of it.

[ramblingsofasurvivor]

This was Bible study tonight and boy did these words speak to me.

God is giving his people a command, an order to love, and not just certain people, but everyone. Those who look like you, those who don't, those who you get along with and those you do not. Those who have wronged you, those you have wronged, rich, poor, straight, gay, yellow, white, purple, black:All.

It is not easy to love everyone, and love does not mean you have to be intimate or carry on relations but you do need to care for them enough to want them to see Heaven. This is loving like Jesus. When despite differences and wrongs we can still pray for their salvation.

[ramblingsofasurvivor]

Ridding ourselves of negative energy

Do you ever feel like you have negative energy around you or following you? Does it ever feel that no matter what you do there is a darkness you cannot escape? Or maybe you have entered a room and just had a feeling that something was not right or that is was dark and eerie? Truthfully, I think everyone has probably felt that way at some point. So how do you rid yourself and the area around you of negativity? As a follower of Christ, this answer should be simple, but it seems to draw confusion. We know from reading and studying the Bible that any unclean spirits shudder and flee at the name of Jesus. We have read about this when Jesus approached the man with the legion of demons and they begged to not be destroyed. It would then make sense, when we feel negativity or darkness to speak the name of Jesus and call upon Him. We know God is light and darkness cannot exist where there is light, just as evil cannot exist where there is good. So, if as Christians, we know this, why do we resort to and look for other means to destroy or cleanse the negativity? Why do we tell ourselves it is ok to burn sage and cleanse the air of impurities when we know this ritual has been linked to witchcraft and sorcery. Smudging, a Native American practice also welcomes great spirits, angels and ancestors to share the clean space driving out the negative and dark spirits. The law which was handed down to Moses inexplicably forbids this type of practice and calls it an abomination to God, yet many Christians continue. Why do we believe and have no problem calling upon other spirits and practices to help rid us of negativity and darkness or when we are in trouble, yet have trouble calling upon the one true God who created and knows us? God promises He will be there and be faithful and provide but we must first believe and act.