My Sister messaged me the other day concerned over covid number trends and the possibility of another lock down. If they lock down again its hard to imagine how the small business she's built over the past few decades would survive. That led to a discussion about risk, and living life under covid.
She is more risk averse than I am. My other sister is even MORE risk averse than either of us, only leaving her house more strictly essential reasons and refusing to interact with people even masked outside, for more than a few minutes at a distance. Both sisters are concerned for me given my condition, which is no surprise because the love meš. I tried to put in words my reasoning for being more apt to venture out in the world and interact than they are. Decided to post that part of the message here, redacting names of course.
This has sort of been my strategy I have adopted since March.. I am just typing this all out since I had chemo this morning and don't feel like doing much else š:
I think about risk assessment and balance all the time. My immune system isn't the best because of my situation. My Wife works all week in a confined space with a steady stream of patients with all forms of lung and pulmonary disease - and she comes home to me every night. I generally go about my business out in the world somewhat like normal - while masking and avoiding crowded situations. I go see [My Daughter] and [My Granddaughter] and they come see us- because we are all careful and accept the risks/tradeoffs/dangers. I come up with an excuse to go see Mom and Dad at least once a week but we stay far apart outside because they wouldn't be comfortable with closer contact and I'm good with whatever makes them comfortable. Mostly the same with J's Folks. I go to the store when I need stuff. J and I eat out once a week, usually inside a restaurant as long as its not crowded and seating is spaced out. I go to parks. We still road trip, but tend to stick to lower traffic areas (much like before covid).
I do this all in light of a simple fact. Nobody knows when their expiration date is, but I have been given a gift. Its a hard gift to appreciate a lot of the time but that doesn't change the precious value of it. I am constantly reminded that my "date" is most probably a lot closer than anyone else's that I know. And certainly closer than I ever thought it would be.
I don't have the luxury of hiding in my closet for 9+ months, putting off telling people that I love them, or telling someone that I have wronged that I am sorry. I could, I suppose, but I won't. I've thought often in my life that if I had only known that X would be the last time I would have seen someone or done something, I would have really paid attention and been *present* for it/them.
Cancer is a shit disease, but it gave me that gift and I am grateful for it. It makes me pay attention to stuff like that and actually makes me less afraid.
I watched an old Asian guy hobble out of Walmart one day last week. I was in my truck in the parking lot when I noticed him.. he could barely walk. He came out the door and stopped, bent over. I could see a pharmacy bag in his hand. He got moving again and made it across the traffic lane and over to were the cars were parked where he sat down on the ground. He sat there obviously hurting while no less than 20 people walked by ignoring him like he was a shrub. No eye contact and certainly no one asking if he needed help. People are so scared of covid, or just plain lacking in empathy, that they looked like I imagine people looked avoiding lepers in the Bible.
Jesus said we should love people like HE loves them. Hard Fact: if I get every other Christianity box checked and walk every supposedly deal breaking line perfectly, but screw that simple directive up?? If I fail to see people in need and do what I can to love them like Jesus would, NONE OF THE OTHER SHIT MATTERS.
I got out of the truck and walked over to him and spoke with him, offering to help. He seemed really surprised that I even saw him. He had some sort of issue with his knee, as far as I could tell with his English. He wouldn't let me help (hard headed, like me), but his car was really close. I told him i would keep an eye out until he was in his car and would come back if he needed me. He thanked me. By the time I got back to my truck he was up and hobbled to his car, waving to me when he reached it.
I won't tolerate a world where people will show up in the thousands in the streets to celebrate an election or scream at their enemies over one thing or another, but no one will ask an old man sitting on the ground in a parking lot if he needs help.
I am praying they don't do another lockdown, too. No one ever explains how that helps long term. The only sure thing is the damage done by the lockdown itself. I know that has to be a gnawing concern on your mind constantly. Hang in there. God has worked out all the details of getting you through the 1st lockdown, out of your old location, into the new (& improved!) one.... He is going to take care of you whatever happens along this road.
Wow this is ridiculously long. Sorry ā¤
