tumblr has been my escape from reality for longer than i can remember, so i thought it was about time i actually started my own blog :)
i'm ash, and i love a good story + i will devour any angst thrown my way... this page consists of all my favorite reads across manyyy different fandoms.
⏠my rec list can be found here
⏠currently watching: season 3 of euphoria !!! other than that, nothing new right now :( someone recommended a new (completed??) series for me to obsess over pls and thanks!
⏠last watch: heated rivalry đ€
⏠my favorites: the last of us, arcane, hunger games, marvel, stranger things, and the pitt but i literally read fics for anything i consume, so... hehe
Summory: Reader is a surgery resident, specializing in orthopedics. Who just happens to be Frank Langdon's little sister who he calls June Bug. Dennis Whitaker seems to take a liking to his senior resident's little sister.
CURRENTLY IN PRODUCTION
Posted on Ao3
other stories here
all fic synopses were written by their respective writers (they have the talent, not i)
the last of us
abby anderson
đŠč until the world goes dark ⏠@wonderlandwalker | a blank line on a mission report is all it takes for abby anderson to break. defying a direct order, she races into the ruined city to find the one person she can't live without. but the rescue mission becomes a nightmare when she discovers that some wounds are a death sentence all their own. âïž even tho it hurt, this one was too gooddd
⌠ruin the friendship ⏠@wonderlandwalker | abby anderson doesn't get flustered. she doesn't avoid eye contact, and she never, ever stumbles over her words. until she does. and it's all your fault, even if you don't know it yet. a story about the terrifying, fragile hope of wanting something soft in a hard world, and the courage it takes to reach for it. (+ slight hurt/comfort)
đŠč the art of dying ⏠@wonderlandwalker | she loves you, and that, in itself, has always been a death sentence âïž forever hoping for a part two
âË⥠the wind, it blew me to you ⏠@frflysol | an apostate is what you are. lost is what abby is. the wind carries you to each other like two leaves in the fall. (ongoing)
đŠč just a graze ⏠@wingedhallows | a near death situation. (reader)
đŠč â not tonight ⏠@alloftheimagines | after a traumatic assignment, you push abby away. still, she will do anything to take care of you, including break all the rules of your casual sex agreement.
âË⥠it's you ⏠@alloftheimagines | in which the reader gets drunk and abby takes care of you, unaware that secret feelings are about to be uncovered.
âË⥠đŠč smoke & tears ⏠@alloftheimagines | in which abby has a nightmare & accidentally hurts you.Â
âË⥠đŠč immune ⏠@alloftheimagines | after years in the darkness, the fireflies are ready to start developing a cure again â their first subject: you. with abby chaperoning you to catalina island, she should be eager to revive her father's hope for a future without the cordyceps infection. but as she falls for you, she discovers she isn't prepared to see you die. not even if it saves the world. not even if you're more than willing to sacrifice yourself. and there is the earth-shattering realization: maybe she isn't so different from her father's murderer after all. (ongoing)
âËâĄ âŒ coparenting w/ roommate!abby ⏠@vancexplicit | your sister decides to leave you as a last-minute babysitter. who better than abby to coparent and help take care of your niece? âïž this one is too cute !
đŠč just a stocking ⏠@alloftheimagines | âïž christmas angst !!!
joel miller
đŠč don't let me drown ⏠@alloftheimagines | in which the reader falls into the river of death, and it's joel's job to save you and find shelter. featuring ellie. âïž AHHHH
đŠč too late ⏠@alloftheimagines | in which joel makes the decision to stay in jackson out of fear, leaving the reader to take ellie to colorado alone. but when he goes after you, he finds you're no safer without him â and ellie is furious that he has arrived too late, with you already badly injured.
đŠč keep your eyes on me ⏠@mgparker | âïž angsty angsty angstyyy
đŠč no time to die ⏠@davosmymaster | the main difficulty of being joelâs closest friend is not falling in love with him, but you still do. those feelings are buried until you join him on a mission to trade supplies with bill and frank. with your life now hanging by a thread, joel is determined to get you to safety, but the clock is ticking faster than he can run. âïž the amount of times i have reread thisss :x
arcane
violet
⌠all strings attached ⏠@soulwrencher | vi hates that you're not hers. whatever will she do about her yearning heart?
⌠make it special ⏠@madebycloud | vi's birthdays are usually quiet, but this year? the whole family is doing their best to make it special âïž this was so cute :)
sevika
âË⥠đŠč too busy being yours ⏠@miffycakes | sevika gets transported to an alternative universe, following along with ekko. but she can't bear to leave when she realizes she has everything she could ever want, you. âïž part two's ending had me cryin
đŠč selfish ⏠@sapphicstrawcore | âïž this was so ugggH
avengers
bucky barnes
⏠coming soon
stranger things
eddie munson
⏠coming soon: currently searching high and low for this fic i absolutely loved, but cannot, for the life of me, find it :(
all fic synopses were written by their respective writers (they have the talent, not i)
the last of us
abby anderson
đŠč until the world goes dark ⏠@wonderlandwalker | a blank line on a mission report is all it takes for abby anderson to break. defying a direct order, she races into the ruined city to find the one person she can't live without. but the rescue mission becomes a nightmare when she discovers that some wounds are a death sentence all their own. âïž even tho it hurt, this one was too gooddd
⌠ruin the friendship ⏠@wonderlandwalker | abby anderson doesn't get flustered. she doesn't avoid eye contact, and she never, ever stumbles over her words. until she does. and it's all your fault, even if you don't know it yet. a story about the terrifying, fragile hope of wanting something soft in a hard world, and the courage it takes to reach for it. (+ slight hurt/comfort)
đŠč the art of dying ⏠@wonderlandwalker | she loves you, and that, in itself, has always been a death sentence âïž forever hoping for a part two
âË⥠the wind, it blew me to you ⏠@frflysol | an apostate is what you are. lost is what abby is. the wind carries you to each other like two leaves in the fall. (ongoing)
đŠč just a graze ⏠@wingedhallows | a near death situation. (reader)
đŠč â not tonight ⏠@alloftheimagines | after a traumatic assignment, you push abby away. still, she will do anything to take care of you, including break all the rules of your casual sex agreement.
âË⥠it's you ⏠@alloftheimagines | in which the reader gets drunk and abby takes care of you, unaware that secret feelings are about to be uncovered.
âË⥠đŠč smoke & tears ⏠@alloftheimagines | in which abby has a nightmare & accidentally hurts you.Â
âË⥠đŠč immune ⏠@alloftheimagines | after years in the darkness, the fireflies are ready to start developing a cure again â their first subject: you. with abby chaperoning you to catalina island, she should be eager to revive her father's hope for a future without the cordyceps infection. but as she falls for you, she discovers she isn't prepared to see you die. not even if it saves the world. not even if you're more than willing to sacrifice yourself. and there is the earth-shattering realization: maybe she isn't so different from her father's murderer after all. (ongoing)
âËâĄ âŒ coparenting w/ roommate!abby ⏠@vancexplicit | your sister decides to leave you as a last-minute babysitter. who better than abby to coparent and help take care of your niece? âïž this one is too cute !
đŠč just a stocking ⏠@alloftheimagines | âïž christmas angst !!!
joel miller
đŠč don't let me drown ⏠@alloftheimagines | in which the reader falls into the river of death, and it's joel's job to save you and find shelter. featuring ellie. âïž AHHHH
đŠč too late ⏠@alloftheimagines | in which joel makes the decision to stay in jackson out of fear, leaving the reader to take ellie to colorado alone. but when he goes after you, he finds you're no safer without him â and ellie is furious that he has arrived too late, with you already badly injured.
đŠč keep your eyes on me ⏠@mgparker | âïž angsty angsty angstyyy
đŠč no time to die ⏠@davosmymaster | the main difficulty of being joelâs closest friend is not falling in love with him, but you still do. those feelings are buried until you join him on a mission to trade supplies with bill and frank. with your life now hanging by a thread, joel is determined to get you to safety, but the clock is ticking faster than he can run. âïž the amount of times i have reread thisss :x
arcane
violet
⌠all strings attached ⏠@soulwrencher | vi hates that you're not hers. whatever will she do about her yearning heart?
⌠make it special ⏠@madebycloud | vi's birthdays are usually quiet, but this year? the whole family is doing their best to make it special âïž this was so cute :)
sevika
âË⥠đŠč too busy being yours ⏠@miffycakes | sevika gets transported to an alternative universe, following along with ekko. but she can't bear to leave when she realizes she has everything she could ever want, you. âïž part two's ending had me cryin
đŠč selfish ⏠@sapphicstrawcore | âïž this was so ugggH
avengers
bucky barnes
⏠coming soon
stranger things
eddie munson
⏠coming soon: currently searching high and low for this fic i absolutely loved, but cannot, for the life of me, find it :(
words: 3.2k
warnings: 18+, post-tlou2, catalina island!abby, fluff, angst with a happily ever after, hints towards smut but nothing on-page, mentions of ow*n being so so rude to my beloved abigail, a little injury & talks of death, a couple mentions of food & drink, some interactions with lev, dearest abby has an avoidant attachment style but she's working on it.
request: I would like to humbly request some holiday angst involving Abby and a dang stocking she wants or wanted someone to make her out of love⊠smth thatâll hurt just right please!
The last thing you want to do after a gruelling four-day resource run is celebrate. A week ago, youâd been eager to force festivity around the Firefly base, but then Abby Anderson broke your heart, just a little, and nowâŠ
Now, youâd much rather steal the party food and hibernate until your next assignment.Â
Unfortunately, itâs not an option. Lev catches you as soon as you get back from the infirmary, complaining about how you almost missed the party. For him, you fake a smile, letting him drag you to the mess hall, which has been cleared to make a dance floor. Something apparently called tinsel â having never celebrated Christmas before, you wouldnât know â snakes around every pillar and wall, and in the corner, a miserable ponderosa pine withers under handmade decorations. Your heart squeezes. Itâs beautiful, all red and gold twinkling lights and an old-timey song drifting from the record player, but your head is throbbing, there are blisters the size of California on your feet, and the woman you love doesnât love you back.Â
A couple Fireflies wave your way, and you do the same distractedly. Some are already dancing, while others gather around the tables for drinks and food. The hot apple cider is being drained quickly, and the few kids here have their mouths covered in hot chocolate.
So, this is joy. You thought maybe youâd be part of it, and god, you want to be, but none of it changes the fact that youâll go to your room alone tonight.Â
It doesnât surprise you that Abby isnât here, but Lev still provides an explanation. âShe said she might drop by before night watch.â
You ruffle his hair, all dark curls. Heâs so much more alive than the boy Abby turned up with just over two years ago, when theyâd both been emaciated and haunted.
It was his fondness for you that finally won Abby over, too, and after sharing patrols for over a year, air between you always pregnant with a tension neither of you were brave enough to comment on, the sex just⊠happened. And kept happening.Â
Until last week, when an I love you slipped out of your mouth. She hasnât talked to you since, not even to tell you itâs over. You guess that means the feeling is not reciprocated. Which is fine. Youâve been through worse things. Hellish things. You threw yourself into the most demanding assignments, tried to move on, only your bedsheets still smell like her and you found her shirt in your drawer and you donât know why it ended. Why itâs such a bad thing to to be loved by you. Why youâre not even worth an explanation.Â
âI made you a gift,â Lev says with a timid smile, producing something wrapped in paper from one of the tables piled high with presents.Â
You brighten up. âYeah?â
âOpen it now?â he pleads, shifting from foot to foot. You smile, though it hurts your bruised jaw, and try to tear the paper delicately so that it can be reused â probably for his gift, which you only realise now you havenât brought with you.Â
âOh, Lev. This is beautiful,â you whisper when the gift is unveiled. Itâs a hand-carved bow, etched with the Firefly logo on the upper limb. Heâs been teaching you archery in exchange for sharpshooting practice.Â
âIt was not easy to wrap,â he jests. âAbby had to help me.â
You force a chuckle. âThank you so much. Seriously. Iâd better hide this, otherwise everyone will want one.â
That rosy smile of his almost chases away the scars on either cheek. âItâs not that great. Iâm still practicing how to carve.â
âItâs perfect.â Tears prickle in your eyes, and you blink them away quickly. âI actually left your gift in my room. Give me ten minutes?â
âOkay.â He nods, but then stops you. âHey. Youâre okay, right?â
âYeah. Of course.â Your voice comes out high-pitched and wobbly, and youâre quick to dash away before he can point it out. You wonât let this thing with Abby come between you and him. Youâre one of the only people outside of her heâs opened up to, and his trust means something. Everything, knowing what heâs been through. You were the one who cut his hair when it started growing too long. The one who told him about binders and fashioned him one out of scrap fabric. He talks to you about things, and you him, and if that was goneâŠÂ
Youâd have nothing left.Â
You allow yourself two minutes of wallowing in your room, tears slipping and then wiped away just as quickly when you have to brush past Abbyâs stocking to get to Levâs in the drawer, and then youâre back out the door â and almost walking straight into Abbyâs fist, raised and ready to knock.Â
âUmâŠâ The sight of her brings just as much pain as the times before, enough to dash the wind out of you. You struggle to find the right words, and so does she, her eyes wide and jaw tight as she takes you in.
She huffs on a mirthless laugh, hands rising instantly to your jaw to tilt your bruise towards the dim overhead lighting. âWhat the hell happened?â
Her touch stings like bleach on your skin, heavy palms rough and more familiar than youâd like them to be. âHello to you, too,â you grit out.Â
âIâm serious,â Abby speaks tersely. âWhere else are you hurt?â
âCan you just⊠not?â You nudge her hand down, stepping away to put the threshold between you again. Her on one side, you on the other. âIâm fine.â
âYou donât look fine. You should be in the infirmary.â
âYou should be ignoring me, still, probably.âÂ
Her features shutter back to that unreadable granite sheâs hidden behind since the moment you told her you loved her. It scares you, how quickly she can change. Youâre sure itâs a defense mechanism, given how worried she was just a second ago, but she should know sheâs safe around you by now. And if not that, havenât you at least earned a right to the truth with her?
âYou were gone,â she says, muscle in her jaw ticcing. âFor four days.â
âYouâre observant.â
She narrows her eyes. She hates when youâre short with her, although there was a fine line between hate and love when you were sleeping together. She liked to fuck the attitude out of you, then.
You still feel it, that want. It never ebbed, not after months of exploring each other. Her body feels half yours. Youâd never been that close to somebody until her. She took care of you in ways nobody else would. You regret knowing how good it could feel, because living without it is like walking around with a bullet in your gut.Â
Abby presses her hand into the doorframe, thick muscles tense. An angry vein protrudes from her forearm. âYouâve never been gone that long before.â
âWe needed a lot of resources. Look, Iâm not really in the mood tonight, and Lev is waiting for me â and you, for that matter â so, whatever you came here to say, just say it. Unless itâs that youâre breaking up with me, because I sort of already deduced that all on my own.â
She bites into her cheek, eyes dipping to the carpet. âI just came to see you were okay. Nobody told me it was gonna be such a long run.â
âWhy would they?â
âJesus, can you stop? I was worried about you. I still fucking am.â
âWell, you donât have to be. I got checked out already.âÂ
Her nostrils flare on a long exhale. And only then does she seem to see the stocking in your hands, embroidered with Levâs name. Itâs made of patchwork granny squares, crocheted from any yarn youâve been able to get your hands on. It was your mother who taught you, locked away in the dark midwest winters, in a different Firefly base, a different life. Her sweaters and blankets kept you warm until the stitches frayed and fell apart, and youâve been trying to get pieces of her back whenever you have the time.Â
âWhat is that?â she asks quietly.Â
âItâs Levâs gift.â When she says nothing, you chew on your bottom lip, thinking of the remaining stocking tucked into your drawer. It has her name on it. Canât give it to anyone else. May as well get rid of it so you never have to see it again. You turn and retrieve it, shaky and filled with dread. âI made them before⊠So, you may as well take yours, too.â
Itâs hard to enter her space again. Hard to look her in the eye as your throat fills with hurt. You shove it into her hands and hope she wonât laugh in your face, or worse, walk out the way she did last time.Â
âMerry Christmas, Abby.âÂ
âYouâŠâ She clears her throat, fingers squeezing around the red wool youâd spent painstakingly long hours crocheting with. Youâd missed a stitch halfway up the heel. Only realised five rows later, and so had to unravel and start again from the mistake. So stupid, to care so much about something she likely didnât want. âYou made me a stocking.â
âYeah. The idea was to put actual gifts in them, but maybe you and Lev can do that next year or something.âÂ
âThisâŠâ She blinks like she canât comprehend it. You donât know why. She canât know just how hard you worked on it, and even then, itâs just a damn stocking. âI donât deserve this.â
Itâs such an odd thing to say that you can only frown. âLike I said, I made it before you decided to give me the cold shoulder.â
Her head shakes faintly, and she dangles it between you like she wants to give it back but canât. You suck in a pained breath, wishing she could go back to not talking to you at all, because this is infinitely worse.Â
âIâve got to get back to Lev, soâŠâ Move, you want to say, but canât find it in you to be rude even now.Â
Especially not when you see the tears dancing in her eyes.Â
âWhatâs wrong?â you ask. âAre you allergic to cotton or something?â
âNo.â She huffs again, this time amused. âI just⊠I canât believe you made me this. Why?â
âWhy?â Your patience begins to fray, words stuttering thick in your mouth. âAbby, Iâm really trying to give you the distance you so clearly want from me. What the hell do you want me to say?â
âI donât know,â she admits, a hint of weariness tinging her voice. Suddenly, all of those defenses are down. Sheâs yours again, even if sheâs reluctant to be, scarred chin quivering and throat bobbing. âIâm sorry.â
Silence stretches between you. Eventually, you have to give it up. You can't do this, canât get your heart broken a second time. You sidestep her, closing your door and making to head back down the corridor â until she says, âIâm sorry for all of it. PleaseâŠâ
Abby Anderson is not a small woman, but she looks it when you turn around to see her under the yellow light, stocking in one hand, other curled into a fist. That damn downturned pout makes your knees weak. You want to scream at her to stop: stop looking at you, stop talking with that low, delicate voice, stop playing with you like this.Â
But you canât, because thereâs something dark and wrong in her eyes, and you want to know what so you can make it go away.Â
So you fold your arms, tiredness weighing on your shoulders. âPlease what?â
*
Abby doesnât know how to articulate it, what this thing in her hand means. How sorry she is for hurting you. How little she deserves the love youâve so freely given her.
She tries anyway. âI freaked out. You shouldn't love me. I'm not good for you.âÂ
You sneer, and she deserves it, but it still cuts into her. âProbably should have told me that a year ago.âÂ
She grinds her teeth together. Tries again. âIâve loved people before, and it didnât end well for them.â
Your brows knit together. âWhat dâyou mean?â
âI was the reason they died,â she says, a sudden bite to her words, because sheâs thinking of the blood on the aquarium floor, and even though that threat is gone, there will always be another. If not now, then later. Sheâd make a thousand enemies for you, and that makes her dangerous. She never wants to be dangerous again, not as long as sheâs in the walls of this base, with Lev and you. âI canât everâŠâ She shakes her head. Looks down at the gift again. There are pompoms stitched to the cuff and her name is embroidered into it andâ âJesus. You made me a stocking.â
âItâs not, like, an engagement ring or anything.âÂ
She closes her eyes, knowing she probably looks and sounds insane. Flashes of that stupid conversation with Owen, so long ago now, echo in her mind.Â
I wish someone loved me enough to make me a stocking.
You donât deserve one.
You canât know what it means. Sheâs watched with awe so many times as your crochet hook glides through yarn. Arenât you tired yet? sheâd ask, because youâd usually pick it up in the middle of the night, after a heavy patrol or a few orgasms, and yet you wouldnât put it down for hours. Youâd told her, later, about your mom. How sheâd taught you. How this craft had helped you survive bitter winters. You paused making things that people need to keep warm so that she and Lev had stockings to hang this year.Â
And Owen was right all along. She doesnât deserve it, because she pushed you away, and if she pulls you close now, she doesnât know if sheâll survive it.Â
Her cheeks are wet. She swipes at them, but itâs too late. Youâve seen. Youâve softened. For that, she knows she canât walk away. Not from you. Not even if it kills her.Â
âAbby, whatever happened to the people you loved before⊠thatâs not going to happen to me,â you whisper. âIf youâre pushing me away because youâre scared, I need you to stop now. I need you to tell me how you really feel, because I⊠I meant what I said. And I understand if you donât feel the same, but I donât understand why youâre crying over a stocking.â
Youâre wrong. Youâre already hurt. Sheâs not a fool. She knows you threw yourself into that assignment to avoid her.
She takes a steadying breath and inches closer. You stiffen but donât retreat.
âI liked it when Lev was the only person I had to be responsible for. I can take care of one person. I can keep one person. I can just about deal with the fear of losing him, because I know that, as long as I keep training him, and as long as he keeps me around, I wonât let anyone touch him,â she says. âBut you⊠I canâtâŠâ Why is it so damn hard to find the words? âWith you, I have to wonder if youâll come back every time you leave. You were gone for four days, and I lost my fucking mind. I couldnât eat, couldnât sleep, couldnât think about anything but whether or not you were bleeding out somewhere, and it made me want toâŠâ Another sob threatens to escape. She swallows it down. âI almost went off base to come find you.â
âAbbyâŠâ You soften, and that means she's said the right thing, which is actually the wrong thing, because being honest with you is selfish. Keeping you is selfish. More than that, itâs terrifying to have this thing she could so easily lose. She would break without you. The I love you didnât change that, only ensured it, and so all she wanted was to reverse the fall. Keep you at armâs length so she could go back to the safety of before.Â
Except the bruises on your jaw, and the stocking in her hand, and the way you are so understanding even now, all confirm that there is no going back. Sheâs in this, and sheâs a fool for thinking that could change with the silent treatment.
God, sheâs a dick.Â
You cup her face, then, and she feels the air reenter her lungs, just like that. âYou think Iâm not scared, too? God, I told you I loved you, and you stopped talking to me. You think thatâs not fucking terrifying? You can hurt me so easilyâŠâ
She takes your hand in her free one, turning her face with the urge to kiss your palm. Only she isnât entitled to that. Not now. âI know. Iâm so sorry.âÂ
âYou said that already.â
âBecause I mean it.â She dips her chin, forehead resting against yours.Â
âThen where do we go from here, because honestly? Iâm confused.âÂ
She doesnât know the answer, or maybe she does but sheâs still afraid. But then she looks down. Thinks maybe the fact that she stands with a stocking in her hand is proof enough that you are different.Â
That, this time, it will be different.Â
Nobody can take her from you, because she wonât let them. Youâve chosen her, told her she deserves this thing that only ever taunted her before, and she doesnât want to keep making you regret it.Â
âI messed up,â she says. âI want to make it right. Will you let me?â
âI donât know. Whatâs in it for me?â You smirk, and she already knows that means your answer is yes.
âI can think of a few things.â Gently, she tucks your hair behind your ear. âI got you a gift too. It isnât nearly as good as a stocking, but I think youâll like it.â
âYeah?â
She nods.Â
âAnd what does that make us? Are you going to freak out on me if I accidentally tell you I love you again?â
âNo. Iâm going to tell youâŠâ Itâs hard, uprooting the words from the cave theyâd been planted in, deep inside her, but for you, she curls both fists around them and yanks. âIâm going to tell you that I love you, too.â
Itâs worth the fear for the wobbly, lopsided smile you give her. âWell, what an unexpected turn of events.â
She snorts, swiping over that bruise with ever-niggling concern. âDon't be so fucking smug about it.â
âWhy not?âÂ
And then she kisses you, and it feels like a part of her has been rewritten, the stocking soft in her hand and you softer still.Â
Later, youâll go back to the party and youâll force her to dance with Lev. Then, when the rest of the base is asleep, she'll take you back to her room and kiss sorries all over your skin, and you will get teary-eyed over the gift she got you â a basket of bright and wonderful yarn and a book of new patterns. Sheâll teach herself how to crochet with clumsy fingers so that, the following year, your stocking will be hung with hers and Levâs in your little corner of Catalina Island, and it will not be like it was before. She will come to realise that maybe she does deserve her stocking after all, but only because you keep making her new ones, a tradition that spans longer than she thought would be possible.Â
