Randi @randitherat - Tumblr Blog

Topic: Social Anxiety

If you want to at least try to understand what its like to have actual social anxiety, then keep on reading please. (Coming from someone who deals with diagnosed social anxiety)

P.S.: I’m not speaking for everyone who has social anxiety, just how I feel about the topic. If you also have social anxiety and don’t feel how I do, that’s perfectly fine. Everyone has different experiences and minds, we aren’t the same person after all.

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Social anxiety disorder, also known as social phobia, isn’t being shy. Social anxiety is an actual fear of talking to people. Depending on who has it of course, social anxiety can ruin a person’s life. The exact cause of social anxiety is unknown, but studies show that it usually occurs in people who have suffered from bullying or constantly being told that what they say is wrong by either family members or classmates during their childhood. People with social anxiety disorder tend to have little to no relationships (whether that being having friends or a S/O).

No, having social anxiety isn’t cool. Some people, for some reason, think it’s “quirky” to have social anxiety. I’ve ran across people like this multiple times in my life, and it honestly sickens me because they’re using something people suffer from to gain attention. Nothing that causes other people pain should ever be used for attention, whether that be a physical or mental illness.

At least in my experience, social anxiety doesn’t mean you don’t want to talk to people. I would give anything to be able to hold up a conversation with someone, but that’s difficult to do when I can’t even start one. If someone came up to me all of the time and spoke to me without judging my response at all, that’d be fine. Most people I know with social anxiety, along with myself, just want to feel noticed and appreciated. I thankfully have a loving boyfriend that always notices me and cares about what I have to say, but some people don’t have a s/o or many friends.

Unless you’re diagnosed with a mental disorder, please don’t say you have it just because you show some symptoms. Even if you go to a doctor and you do happen to have it, beforehand if it isn’t diagnosed it can be hard on people who actually have the mental disorder. I’m not speaking for everyone of course, but for me it can really upset me when people say “Oh yeah, I have social anxiety because I don’t like to talk to people or be around others. No I haven’t been to the doctor about it, but I show the symptoms so clearly I have it.” It’s like when you google something and it says you have cancer, you don’t automatically go around telling people you have cancer do you?

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Here is a documentary on social anxiety which explains it much better than I ever could. (I do not own this documentary, just in case anyone assumed that I did)

#social anxiety #mental disorder #information #social phobia #my thoughts #socially anxious #fear

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Big Mouth (Maeda Toshiie/Inuchiyo) Mature

Inspired by this scene:

And by a certain Inuchiyo smutart by a certain fanart artist (; @jane-runs-fast me and your post got married yesterday YEET

“Sure, sure, sweetheart, I get it.”

“Don’t sweetheart me! You just have to be a tough guy, don’t you? You haven’t changed at all.”

“Yeah, and you’ve still got that big mouth too.”

That’s what started it all.

“You’re so frustrating!”

You threw your hands up in helplessness and stormed off, but not before spitting a few last words back at him.

“And for your information, I don’t have a big mouth, thank you very much!”

You didn’t know how a relationship with someone that was impulsive, and stubborn, and big-headed, and pride fueled, and so incredibly stupi- you get the point. You weren’t expecting it to be sunshine and rainbows, but he could at least act a little more like a boyfriend and less like a..

Brother.

You shuddered, that godforsaken word. You hated it. Sometimes paranoia haunted you and convinced you that he still thought of you as a younger sibling.

‘He’s not into..that sort of thing, is he? Well, if he’s expecting me to put my hair up into pigtails and ask him for help opening jars he’s got a whole different thing coming!’

You sighed, your shoulders releasing the stress and built up anger that was causing your chest and throat to ache.

‘Looks like I’m immature just like he is. That doesn’t mean what he called me was totally uncalled for, though.’

You decided to sulk and fume elsewhere since you didn’t really feel like talking to him at the moment. Your minutes were spent either plotting revenge, or working on a way to end this fight without making it awkward, all while avoiding the person of interest with your back safely hidden against a thick tree trunk.

“Y/N?”

You jumped, but your nerves were calmed when you realized it was just Hideyoshi with Mitsunari by his side.

“What are you doing hiding over here? Inuchiyo’s had his tail between his legs all day, you know. Did you two fight again?” Hideyoshi asked with a concerned frown, hitting the nail right on the head.

“He started it..” You mumbled, kicking a nearby stick out of view before stealing a glance at him.

“I don’t have a big mouth, right?”

His chestnut eyes widened, before closing them as he laughed with mirth.

“That’s a pretty hypocritical accusation coming from Inuchiyo, isn’t it, Mitsunari?” He turned to his comrade, who was clearly uninterested in this conversation.

“I would rather not engage in a topic that includes that wretched mongrel, but if you ask me, I’d suggest you make him regret his words to his grave.”

“Now, let’s not talk about life or death scenarios here,” Hideyoshi’s concerned voice floated through the air a few too many seconds after Mitsunari’s stone cold serious sentence.

“Who said anything about life or death? If he’s going to act like a disobedient dog, you have to train him like one. Perform some tricks with that big mouth of yours and he’ll learn how to heel. Make him submit to you, and humiliate him so he can’t even meet your eyes afterwards, it’s a perfect plan.”

He had a grin on his face, while you and Hideyoshi stared at him in disbelief.

“Come along, Mitsunari, I’m going to raid your bookshelf and you’re going to show me all the grown up books so I can get rid of them, okay?”

As they left, you felt ten times more confused than you were at the beginning.

You? Make Inuchiyo submit to you? Childhood Inuchiyo? The one that blushed if you even poked his forehead? And going by Mitsunari’s innuendo, he expects you to perform fellatio on that exact Inuchiyo?

You gulped.

And then slapped yourself because you gulped.

What happened to just apologizing like a regular person? How many people can genuinely say they resolved the smallest stupidest conflict by sucking their partner dry? Not many.

You smirked.

And that’s why you were going to do it. You longed to see him blushing underneath you, to see you in all your glory as a woman, and not a troublesome girl he can bully whenever he wants. No, this time, you were going to bully him, and make him say sorry in a different fashion.

You managed to not run into Inuchiyo as you waited outside Mitsunari’s door, and in a couple of minutes, Hideyoshi walked out with a pile of books in his arms, but not for long.

“Huh? Did you need something, Y/N?”

“Yeah, something to do, I’ll take these off to the bookstore for you, my shift in the kitchen is over, you see.”

“I couldn’t let a lady do that for me, those are a lot of books, not to mention mature books.”

“No, no, I’ll be fine! See you later!”

You rushed off before he could protest any longer, and nearly toppled onto the tatami floor of your room after you slammed the door. You didn’t need anyone seeing you carrying around pornographic material and thinking you were a crazy pervert. Even though you sort of were, you didn’t need anyone else but Inuchiyo knowing that after tonight.

Picking up the first book, you checked the index.

‘Preparation, first times, sex, kinks, bondage, dominant roles, submissive roles, where the hell is the chapter for blowjobs?’

You picked up another book.

‘Ah! There it is! Going down on your—this is cunnilingus, dammit, I have no use for that unless Inuchiyo’s been hiding something from me all these years.’

Another book.

‘Not detailed enough.’

Yet another.

‘Where’s the rest of it? Mitsunari must have a termite problem in his room.’

And another.

‘This is good for the basics, but it tells me more on what to do than how to exactly do them.’

You stared at the last book, silently wishing away a prayer that it would help you with all your questions.

Oh, and it did. Very much so.

“That should do it!”

The sun was down by the time you finished your admirable work. You managed to sneak into Inuchiyo’s room, since he only ever used it for sleeping anyway, so you wouldn’t have to worry about the risk of being caught, and made it into a romantic atmosphere. This “romantic” atmosphere only really consisted of two cups of amazake and a few candles, but hey, it’s the thought that counts, right? After all, if this whole thing ended up being a complete flop, he could at least be touched. In..a different non-sexual way, of course.

The sudden creaking of the door opening made you fly down to the floor and attempt to hold your drink casually without spilling it in panic. When he fully registered your presence, which took about a full minute, he made his way over to you and grasped onto your shoulders.

“Where have you been!? I’ve been looking for you all day, I thought you were hurt, or dead, or gone for good!”

“I thought I needed to be alone for awhile, but it didn’t help. I hate fighting with you, and I hate being away from you.”

Your name rang softly through his lips, and his hand gently made its way up to cup your cheek.

“Me too, I’m sorry.”

His smile made your heart hurt and almost made you drop the plan altogether. How could you do something so cruel to him when he was looking at you like that?

You offered him the cup of amazake that was sitting by your side previously, and he immediately swung it back, as if it just went right down his throat.

“Hey! You’re supposed to savor it!”

“That’s some good stuff right there,” His grin was lopsided and boyish as always.

But then, he began to get up.

“Where are you going?”

“This can be served with alcohol, right? I’m going to go get some.”

“You really need to lay off the drinks, your liver is going to end up killing you one of these days.”

“Just shut up.”

“Why?” You jutted out your bottom lip, not pleased that he was trying to silence you for no reason other than trying to help him.

“You have a big mouth, that’s wh—“

He stopped right before he finished that sentence, remembering that’s what made you run off in the first place. That, and he could tell you were really, really irritated.

“Y/N, I didn’t mean it, I was just teasing you, all right? Yeah!” He laughed cheerfully, trying to lighten the mood, but you could tell he was panicking.

“You think it’s all right and fine for you to tease me like I’m a child?” You take his sleeve and force him down to sit and meet your eye level.

He doesn’t respond, but when you see his Adam’s apple move you know he’s gulped.

“All right, then..” You purse your lips firmly and set both of your cups aside, and then you make your move.

Pushing two hands against his chest, you shove yourself on top of him.

“Then maybe if I tease you too you’ll learn to start taking me seriously,” You coated your words with a growl.

You almost blew your cover and burst out laughing right then and there when you saw the look on his face, but you couldn’t forget what you came here for.

“I bet you’re wondering why only I have food to go along with my amazake tonight, right?”

“But you didn’t bring any food..” He managed to mutter, despite the hot blush on his cheeks, already beginning to spread to his neck.

“You probably don’t see it, but I’m looking right at it.”

“Wha..me?!”

You hummed in approval, your voice trailing off when you took his lips between yours. He tasted so sweet, so good. In between each kiss, you mumbled a complaint.

“You’ve been really pushing my limits lately, you know that?”

“Y/N—Mmn..”

You slipped your tongue in his mouth and let it wrap around his like a snake. Except a very pissed off and revenge seeking snake.

“You’re always picking on me for no reason, telling me what to do, and shushing me like you’re my caretaker of some sort.”

He shivered when your teeth grazed the bumps of his tongue and nibbled the tip of it possessively. Your saliva blanketed his lips each time you pulled apart from him.

“Tell me, do you even see me as a woman? Or am I just some incestual fantasy of yours to project on?”

“No! No, no, no, no, no. NO! You’ve got it all wrong! I’m not like that, I swear! I do see you as a woman, I’ve been aware of that for a long time.”

You smirked after he murmured the last few words as if ashamed of them. You were beginning to know why he enjoyed teasing you so much.

“Have you now. Go on.”

“Huh?”

“Tell me, you might have never had incestual fantasies of me, but have you ever had normal ones?”

“No, there’s no way I’m answering that!”

“I don’t think you’re in a position to be refusing, now are you?”

“…”

He looked away from you, not speaking, but also not moving away from you when he had the chance. You decided to take things further and let your hand venture into his kimono, feeling up his hardened muscles.

“…!” He choked back a gasp.

“If you don’t tell me, I’m going to go even further.”

Your other hand shoved his katana out of the way and began working on untying and removing his clothing, and by the time half of his chest was revealed, his determination cracked.

“..Yes.”

“What was that? I couldn’t hear you.”

“Urgh, yes, dammit! I said yes!”

You raised an eyebrow and grinned.

“And what am I doing in these fantasies of yours?”

“I learned my lesson, okay? I w—“

You covered his mouth before he could continue.

“That wasn’t my question, but if it’s really hard for you to answer, answer this one.”

You released his mouth and leaned in to his ear to whisper softly.

“Do you really want me to stop?”

Seconds flew by as you waited for his answer, but it never came. What came as you moved back up to glance at his face again was glistening parted lips, flushed cheeks, disheveled black hair, and those damned eyes that got you weak every time their violet irises met yours. You did this to him. You, and nobody else. Were you evil for wanting to punish him just to see that expression? To show your love by being sadistic? Nonetheless, this was the only yes you needed, even if he was too embarrassed to say it out loud.

“Then..”

You loosened your kimono and let it drop from your body, setting it aside. You allowed him to peer at your body, head to toe, as if it was killing him to stay still. You felt a blush coming on, but you couldn’t let your dominant façade fade now after you’ve gotten so far. So you guided his hand to your body, starting at your breasts, down your stomach, and across your thighs, and then you forced it back down against the floor, undressing him next.

“Y/N..” He breathed out your name as you kissed and nibbled along his sharp jawline.

“Shut up.”

You hadn’t actually meant to say that, you were just so caught up in trying to be controlling that it slipped out. You felt pretty bad about it until you felt his lips connect with your shoulder shyly.

“Sorry, sorry.”

His obedience sent a shiver down your spine. It made you want to be even more daring, it made you want to—

“Ahmrgh!” He muffled his cry of surprise and pleasure by hiding his face in your hair when you began pumping him, but you wouldn’t let him get away with that so easily.

You let your fingers intertwine into his hair and pull on it roughly so his head would fall back down beneath you.

“If you behave, I’ll reward you.”

His sighs reached your ears as you left kisses and marks along his chest and treasure trail. And then when you reached his manhood, you let it fall into your desperate to please hands and kissed the tip of it tenderly, somewhat surprised to see a string of white hanging from your lips after you open your eyes. But that surprise quickly transformed into pure amusement.

“I barely even did anything, and you’re already up and leaking, huh.”

“Don’t..say things so bluntly like that!”

“Do you want me to taste you? Is that one of your fantasies? Is the reason why you always tell me I have a big mouth..because you’ve always wanted to be inside it? Inside of me? Hm?” You purred cruelly.

As if waiting for you to finish speaking, more dribbled out of him, and your tongue itched to catch it before it fell off of his length like honey, but you had to wait until he answered you. But as usual, his lips stayed sealed due to embarrassment. You might have let him get away with it earlier, but if he thought he could get away with it now, he was dead wrong.

You slumped your shoulders and sighed, pulling away from him.

“I guess not.”

“What..” He said breathlessly, and as he gazed up at you, you could tell out the clear longing for you, but you didn’t let that make you give up.

“This has gone too far, hasn’t it?” You smiled, “We should just dress ourselves and go to bed.”

You got off of him and went to fetch your kimono to “put it back on.”

“No, wait!”

When you felt arms embrace you from behind, you couldn’t resist the need to smirk. You knew it.

“Don’t..don’t go..”

“What is it, then?”

“…”

“..?”

“Yes.”

“Good boy. Now will you sit down and let me finish what I started without any interruptions this time?”

“..Yes.”

Letting your clothes drop from your hand, you laid down on your stomach while he sat down in front of you. You gripped both of his thighs with your fingers and finally let him into your mouth.

Two sets of moans echoed across the walls. He didn’t exactly taste like ohagi, but it was him. And you loved every part of him, even if you had to tease him all night to get it. Your tongue licked away any remaining bit of precum left, and then it flattened in order to stroke him from underneath. Just as you were sure you got the hang of it, you felt his hand on your head, and when more of him slid inside of your mouth, you squeaked in shock. You fought back the urge to moan and allow him to guide you to pleasure him to the fullest to release his thigh and snatch his testicles. You heard him hiss and tighten his grip on your hair, but he didn’t disobey your silent orders. Only after he did so, you squeezed his hand to let him know he had permission.

“Inuchiyoo..mmh..ah~”

Your voice was sugary sweet as he coaxed you halfway down his shaft gently. Arousal was running through you like adrenaline as you heard him groan and sigh out your name, and when you peered up into his eyes, they were squinted and foggy with pleasure, as you were sure yours looked too.

‘I can’t help myself anymore..!’

Your hand left his to go down your body and touch yourself, but his beat you to it. Your saliva fell from your lips onto his manhood when you cried out as his finger curled up inside of you.

“Let me..ah..ha..help you too, Y/N..”

You let him, after all, he’s not the only one who had fantasies. He’s always had such long and slender fingers, and you always yearned for them to be inside of you. With every thrust of his fingers, you desperately sucked at him harder, your tongue darting and swirling everywhere it could, and both of your hands cupping the bottom half of his length and pumping him, your spit making your palms wet, just like his.

“Wait..I’m going to..if you keep doing that..”

You pulled your mouth away for a little bit to protest.

“Not yet, just stay with me, I want us to come together, okay?”

“Ah..I can’t..”

“Shh, just let me take care of you.”

But the second your mouth closed in on him again, your mouth was filled with more than just him, and the hot sensation made your toes curl. You pulled away before more could shoot down your throat, and let him release on your body. His warm, milky fluid painted your breasts, your stomach, and your legs, as if your body was a canvas.

“I’m sorry..I tried to tell you..” He was still panting as he glanced over your state, quickly getting up to get a tissue.

“I could get used to it,” You shrugged with a laugh, letting him wipe his own mess off of you.

“C’mere.”

He spoke in a lazy, husky tone, and took you into his arms, the both of you too spent to bother getting the bedding out. You didn’t really care, his skin was enough to keep you warm.

“You really are full of surprises, aren’t you?”

“Sure am, and so are you. I guess we know who’s the submissive in this relationship.”

“Shut up.”

He grumbled and leaned in to peck you on the forehead. You were sure he’d be blushing if his face wasn’t already red from your tryst.

“I love you, you stubborn idiot.”

“I love you too, you big mouthed woman.”

This time, you took it as a compliment.

randitherat

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