You know the worst part of near-constantly feeling like I'm not good enough for the people I care about and that they are going to get bored of me is that usually it's the people I instigate interactions with that I fear that the most. It's the people I message first, the ones I usually ask to hang out. So then my negative thoughts use this against me, because it feels like I'm bothering them by messaging them, or it feels like they're happier when I'm not around but they agree when I ask out of guilt, maybe. My mind repeats how Not Good Enough I am on a loop anytime I'm alone these days, and I'm so tired of it, and sometimes I wonder if I just stop reaching out to these people if it would be better for them, because I feel like I bring people down. I don't want to, but I can't stop my mind, I can't get it to shut up. I'm just so fucking tired of feeling like this.
