FUCK YOU

THIS IS A SATIRICAL BLOG/RP BASED ON THE 2009 WEBCOMIC “HOMESTUCK” I AM AN ADULT (22) DO NOT ENGAGE IN ROLEPLAY IF UNDER 18 OR ANONYMOUS

[rantlordvantas]

LISTEN UP YOU DROOLING BLOBS OF FUCK SHIT BRAINLESS WASTES OF AIR, SUCKING UP ALL THE GODDAMN OXYGEN YOUR GREEDY ASS LUNGS COULD BEG FOR FOR EXPELLING COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF CARBON DIOXIDE JUST TO SUFFOCATE EVERYTHING IN YOUR PRESENCE YOU HEAVILY MOUTH BREATHING SHIT FUCK. IN FACT, IT’S NOT EVEN THE CARBON DIOXIDE THAT’S GONNA BE THE BIGGEST PROBLEM TO EVERYONE IN YOUR GENERAL FUCKING VICINITY, IT’S THE FACT THAT YOU CAN’T BRUSH YOUR TEETH AFTER GOONING, TO GRAINY 30 FPS ANIME CHICKS, ON A WEBSITE, YOU CAN’T EVEN AFFORD YOU JOBLESS SPONGE; BINGE EATING THOSE GLUTENOUS PUFFED CORN CONCOCTIONS COVERED IN SYNTHETIC CHEESE POWDER THAT’S SO GODDAMN EMBEDDED INTO YOUR GREASY FUCKING FINGERS THAT THEY’RE PERMANENTLY STAINED ORANGE.

I AM PROBABLY THE SMARTEST PERSON IN THE ROOM AT ANY GIVEN TIME, IN FACT, I AM THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU’LL EVER FUCKING MEET AND YOU’LL NEVER EVEN KNOW MY REAL FACE. THIS ENTIRE REDDIT IS SATIRICAL BULLSHITTERY, IF YOU’VE MADE IT THIS FAR INTO MY COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF CURSING AND OVERLY DETAILED INSULTS, THEN YOU PROBABLY REALIZED THAT THIS IS A SATIRICAL REDDIT THREAD BASED ON THE 2009 COMIC “HOMESTUCK” IF ANYTHING SAID IN THIS REDDIT OFFENDS YOU, THEN YOU CAN GO MELT, EVAPORATE, CONDENSATE, AND FALL AGAIN YOU FUCKING SNOWFLAKE. REAL LIFE SLURS WILL NOT BE TOLERATED. MISOGYNY AND BIGOTRY WILL ALSO NOT BE TOLERATED OR I WILL LITERALLY FUCK YOUR RESPECTIVE GUARDIAN BECOME YOUR STEPFATHER. TAKE YOUR ELECTRONIC DEVICE AND SEND YOU TO YOUR ROOM FOR THE REST OF YOUR PATHETIC CHEETO©️MUNCHING LIFE.

IF I NEED TO SAY IT AGAIN

THIS

IS

SATIRE!!!!

[rantlordvantas]

UPDATE NO.1: FUCK

BETWEEN MY FUTURE SELF HATE FLIRTING WITH MY CURRENT AND PAST SELF I DON’T KNOW IF I HATE EVERYONE ELSE MORE OR MYSELF WITH SUCH A NARCISSISTIC PASSION I’M ABOUT TO GO HAVE A FULL PORNO SLOPPY MAKE OUT WITH MYSELF IN THE GOD DAMN MIRROR!

ERIDAN IS LOSING HIS MIND AS USUAL OVER THE FACT A LISPY NERD STOLE HIS GIRL AND I’M PRETTY FUCKING SURE NEPETA IS IN THE VENTS…..I CANNOT FATHOM HOW THAT WARRIOR CAT KID WANNABE CAN HANDLE THOSE TIGHT SPACES. IT’S BOTH UNSETTLING AND UNHYGIENIC, JUST LIKE HER HORSE CUCK OF A MOIRAIL OFF PERSPIRING OVER MY PERFECTLY REASONABLE ORDERS TO TROLL THESE UTTERLY DENTED HUMANS!

MORE TO COME I GUESS IF ANY OF YOU CAN EVEN BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS AND IF I EVEN SURVIVE I GUESS…

[rantlordvantas]

currently eating grass right now. have you ever eaten grass karkat? have you ever felt the luscious green blades from the ground between your teeth? karkat? i bet you havent. and for that, i Pity you. you should try it out sometime, eating grass.. it is good for you.

FUCK YOU GUCKING WHITRY ASS LIAR THE GRASS IS ASS AND NOTNIN A GOODW AY BLEHBLEH BHEHHEHEHEHEH AHHHHHH

[rantlordvantas]

NINTH COMPLAINT: SOLLUX

WOULD IT HAVE BEEN EQUALLY AS FUNNY TO MAKE HIM SECOND OR TWELTH COMPLAINT JUST DO IT LANDS ON ONE OF HIS “THUTPID TWOTH?” MAYBE! BUT FUCKASS PAST ME DIDNT THINK ABOUT THAT NOW DID HE, NO. SO I WILL PREFACE THIS WOTH A BIT OLD FUCK YOU PAST ME. SOLLUX LISPY CAPTOR, WHILE ITS GOOD AND ALL YOU NOT ONLY GOT WOTH THE LOWEST ON OUR CASTE AND THE HIGHEST, YOUR DUALITY ASS BULLSHIT IS GETTING ON MY LAST SHRIVELED NERVE ENDING. EVERY-TIME I TALK TO YOU I FEEL THE UNSCRUPULOUS NEED TO CHOKE BACK VOMIT AT YOUR SWILL BUCKET CONTENTS YOU DUMPED ALLLLLLL OVER MY COMPUTER CALLED A VIRUS!!! INFORMATION FROM THE JOHN HUMAN HAS MADE ME PRIVY TO THE HISTORY THAT EVEN FURRIES HACKED THE PENTAGON! WHATEVER THE FUCK EITHER OF THOSE ARE IM SURE IT MEANS THAT YOUR FAUX COOL-GUY-CODE-MASTER ACT IS ABOUT AS IMPRESSIVE AS DRINKING YOUR OWN KISMESSIS BUCKET CONTENTS SND ASKING FOR A GOLD STAR! WELL HERE IT IS BULGE BREATH! A NICE GOLD STAR ON MY MIDDLE DIGIT NOW KISS IT BEFORE I SHOVE IT SO HARD IN YOUR FACE I FIX YOUR LISP!!! REAL COOL BY THE WAY HOW YOU FUCKING BLEW UP ONE GIRLFRIEND AND HATE CUCKED YOUR SECONDS HIGHLY UNSTABLE EX-MOIRAIL! SERIOUSLY THAT SHIT WAS STRAIGHT OUT OF A Z-LIST ROM-COM AT THE BOTTOM OF A BARGAIN BIN! FOR YOUR INFORMATION FEFERI MADE IT PRETTY FUCKING OBVIOUS YOU WERE CUTE IN THE WAY A LUSUS FINDS A BRAIN DAMAGED GRUB TO BE CUTE! OH WAIT I JUST DESCRIBED HOW YOUR CUSTODIAN PICKED YOU UO! PITTY YOU GREW INTO SUCH A MOLDY NOOK ON LEGS THAT YOURE-WAIT FUCK HOLD ON SOLLUX IS NOT CUTE I JUST MEAN THAT LIKE STUPID THINGS ARE TO EVEN STUPIDER THINGS! FUCK

[rantlordvantas]

i srill stand by my poitn that vriska shoudl make u NICE ur a fucking MENANIE……. meanie butthead

OH OW WOW HOLLY FUCK! YOU VERBALLY HIKED MY PANTS TO MY ARMPITS AND CHAINED ME TO A PREVERBAL FLOGGING POST WITH IRONS SO FUCKING HOT THEY GLOW WHITE! AS A WHOLE FUCKING CROWD OF PHYSICAL MANIFESTATIONS OF THE FUCKS I DO NOT GIVE, RESTRAIN MY LOVED ONES AS SOME BIG BLUE HORSE FUCKER THUROUGHLY IMPALED ME WITH ARROWS OF YOUR SHITTY OPINIONS UNTILL I EVENTUALLY BLEED OUT AND SOME MOCK UP OF A FURRY LADY RUNS OFF WITH MY PANTS TO LOSE HER FUCKING MIND IN A CAVE BECAUSE YOU DONT FUCKING LIKE ME!

[rantlordvantas]

vriska should control u to be fuxkign ncie to peoptn

THIS IS SO POORLY SPELLED…ROXY IS THAT FUCKING YOU???

[rantlordvantas]

EIGHTH COMPLAINT: VRISKA

OKAY YOU SWILL SUCKERS TODAY I WILL BE LAMENTING YOUR BROKEN THINKPANS FULL OF RUST CAUSED BY THE FLUID OF BULLSHIT YOU FILL IT WITH ON A DAILY, AND SUBSEQUENTLY CLEAN THAT VILE SHIT FROM YOUR MINDS AS I SPEAK THE FUCKING TRUTHS ABOUT NONE OTHER THAN THE ONLY OTHER BLUE BLOOD WORSE THAN EQUIUS AND THAT IS SAYING SOMETHING!!!

VRISKA FUCKING SERKET… I AM NOT AFRAID TO SAY SHE DID EVERY-FUCKING-THING WRONG AND EXPECTED PEOPLE TO FORGIVE HER. LET’S START AT THE BEGINNING YEAH? WELL THE ACTUAL BEGINNING WOULD’VE BEEN HER WRIGGLING DAY, THE MOTHER GRUB SHOULD’VE POPPED HER LIKE A SQUIRMING BLUE GRAPE THE MOMENT SHE HATCHED! BUT ALAS; I SPEAK OF HER FLARPING SCHEMES, NOT ONLY DID SHE BLIND TEREZI! BUT THAT INCIDENT CAUSED TEREZI TO BECOME EVEN MORE FUCKING ANNOYING AND GROSS EUGH! NOW SHE’S A CHALK EATING REJECT WHO LICKS HER FUCKING COMPUTER SCREEN LIKE COME ON! BUT THAT’S NOT WHO WE ARE FOCUSING ON. SECONDLY SHE NOT ONLY BULLIED TAVROS RELENTLESSLY HIS WHOLE FUCKING LIFE BUT WHEN HE ACTUALLY MADE THE SMART MOVE TO NOT MAKE A SHITTY ROLL ON A SHITTY QUEST SET UP BY A SHITTY FUCKING MISS VRISKA! SHE MIND CONTROLLED HIM TO ROLL ANYWAYS AND ROLL RIGHT THE FUCK OFF A CLIFF!! SO NOW THAT’S TWO PEOPLE SHE’S DISABLED FOR FUCKING WHITTY AND GIGGLES! I GENUINELY HOPE ONE OF THESE DAYS SHE TRIPS OVER ONE OF HER LAME ASS MAGIC 8 BALLS AND IN SOME MASTERFUL TUMBLE ENDS UP ON THE FLOOR GASPING FOR BREATH, HER MOUTH FAR TOO CLOSE TO A PILE OF DISCARDED DICE, INHALING THEM! SHE CHOKES ON HER STUPID DICE AND DIES A STUPID DEATH! FUCK!

LET’S MOVE ONTO HER LITTLE MASSIVE CRUSH ON JOHN AND TAVROS MKAY? OKAY GOOD WE CAN ALL AGREE THAT TAVROS DID NOT CONSENT TO HER ADVANCES RIGHT? YEAH I’M LEAVING IT AT THAT, AND THE JOHN THING… JOHN HOLY FUCK ARE YOU TOO NICE! MAN UP AND TELL HER TO GET THE FUCK LOST! I..I REALLY HAVE NOTHING COLORFUL TO SAY ABOUT IT SHE JUST… FUCK THIS SHIT IS SAD! PATHETIC AND BORDERLINE IMMORAL! IN THE END SHE COULDN’T EVEN PROPERLY APOLOGIZE WITHOUT INSERTING HER FUCK ASS SAVIOR COMPLEX TO EDGE HERSELF A LITTLE LONGER SHE ALSO GETS TO PLAY THE VICTIM CARD… VICTIM OF WHAT! YOU HAD A MOIRAIL WHO LET YOU BE AN AWFUL FUCKING PERSON, YOU HAD MIND CONTROL, YOU LIVED IN A FUCKING CASTLE AND YOU RUINED ALL OF THAT! KANAYA WAS SO FUCKING FLUSHED FOR YOU AND YOU COULDN’T SEE IT WITH 8 EYES LET ALONE TWO! SO YEAH I FUCKING SAID IT… VRISKA DID EVERYTHING FUCKING WRONG!

EDIT: upon further notice I karkat vantas am an im8ecile and will go apologize 8y kissing vriskas aweeeeeeeeesome red shoes

EDIT: IGNOR PREVIOUS EDIT THAT BAG OF BITCHNESS MIND CONTROLLED ME!

EDIT: NOOOOOOOO SHE FUCKING DIDNT!

EDIT: YES SHE FUCKING DID!!

EDIT: > ::::::::(

[rantlordvantas]

SEVENTH COMPLAINT: KANAYA

TODAY’S SUBJECT OF MEDDLESOME MOTHER GRUB FUCKING IMBECILES IS NONE OTHER THAN KANAYA. I WILL PUT IT ON THE TABLE RIGHT WHERE SHE CAN FUCKING SEE IT BEFORE SHE DECIDES TO INSERT HERSELF INTO THIS RANT ANY FURTHER… BUCKETS BUCKETS BUCKETS FULL FILTHY OVER-FUCKING-FLOWING BUCKETS!!!

OKAY NOW THAT SHE’S MOST DEFINITELY GONE, I SHALL CONTINUE. KANAYA HAS TO BE ONE OF THE MORE TOLERABLY INSUFFERABLE OF THE FUCK SHIT CROWD I FOR SOME REASON DECIDED TO PARADOXICALLY CLONE DESPITE MY MEASURES TO END THIS DAMN SESSION. IT IS STILL WELL WITHIN MY RIGHT TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THE FACT THAT SHE IS A MEDDLING MEDDLER. NOT ONLY DOES SHE STICK HER PERFECTLY FASHIONABLE NOSE INTO EVERYBODY’S NOOK AND TAKE A DEEP LONG WHIFF OF THEIR REPRESSED TRAUMA JUST SO SHE CAN PSYCHOANALYZE HER WAY INTO A MATESPRITESHIP THAT WAS DOOMED TO BE FOREVER PALE TO FUCKING BEGIN WITH.

SHE GETS OFF ON THE HOMICIDAL MANIAC CHICKS AND WON’T FUCKING ADMIT IT TO HERSELF LET ALONE ANYBODY ELSE. IT WAS PAINFULLY, AND I MEAN SEVERAL CHEESE GRATER GRINDING ON MY BULGE PAINFULLY OBVIOUS THAT SHE HAD AN INFATUATION WITH THE ROSE HUMAN. AND WHILE THE ROSE HUMAN IS SLIGHTLY LESS INTOLERABLE THAN THE OTHER THREE FUCK SHITS, IT IS STILL A COMPLETELY INFALLIBLE CHOICE. SHE JUST WANTS ANOTHER DOLL TO DRESS UP AND PLAY NOOK NURSE TO.

HOWEVER THE ROSE HUMAN IS PROBABLY A LESS VOLATILE CHOICE THAN A CERTAIN—

VRISKA DID A8SOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG AND IS REALLY FUCKING COOOOOOOL!—

GOD DAMNIT BITCH GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!

ANYWAY BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND, I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THIS TWILIGHT ENJOYING RAINBOW SUCKING PRISS BREATHING DOWN MY NECK. I’M ABOUT READY TO ACCEPT HER OFFER OF MAKING ME SOME NEW CLOTHES JUST SO I CAN GET A TURTLENECK TO BRACE MYSELF AGAINST HER SLIGHTLY DISAPPOINTED SIGHS AND HUFFS AS SHE LOOKS OVER MY SHOULDER JUDGING MY TASTE IN FONT OR WHATEVER THE FUCK SHE’S MEDDLING ABOUT THIS TIME! I SWEAR KANAYA IF YOU READ THIS AND POINT OUT A SINGLE FUCKING SPELLING MISTAKE I WILL BLOCK YOU FROM LIFE!

[rantlordvantas]

what the fuck is a loogie 😭 walaloogie

A LOOGIE IS THE UNGALLANT GLOB OF DUMBASSERY LODGED IN YOUR PROTEIN CHUTE YET TO BE EJECTED WHEN I SHOVE MY FIST FOWN IT AND MAKE YOU COUGH ITS SLIMY FLEMMY SELF OUT ONTO THE FILTHY FUCKING FLOOR BEFORE I MAKE YOU CLEAN ITS GLOBULOUS LUMP STAIN OFF THE FLOOR!!!

[rantlordvantas]

boy you short as hell! i could goomba stomp you! Yahoo! Yahoo! Yahoo! Yahoo!

OF COURSE IM SHORT YOU LOOGIE! IF I WAS MY FULL GODLY IMPOSING SIZE YOU WOULD SURELY SHIT YOURSELF TO DEATH!

[rantlordvantas]

karkalicious definition makes terezi loco

SHE WANTS TO KNOW THE SECRETS THAT SHE CAN'T TASTE IN MY PHOTO

DYIN' JUST TO KNOW THE FLAVOR

I AIN'T DOIN' HER NO FAVORS

NO REASONS WHY I TEASE

HER FLUSH JUST COMES AND GOES LIKE SEASONS

(FOUR, THREE, TWO, FUCK YOU)

I'M KARKALICIOUS (SO DELICIOUS)

NO, I DON'T DO KISMESIS

AND IF YOU READ ANY FANFICS

ALL THAT SHIT IS FICTITIOUS

I BLOW KISSES (MWAH!)

DON'T MATTER IF WE'RE JUST MOIRAILS

TROLLS BE LINING DOWN THE VEIL FOR A CHANCE TO FILL A PAIL

SO DELICIOUS (SUPER SWEET)

SO DELICIOUS (FUCKIN' ADORABLOODTHIRSTY)

SO DELICIOUS (EVEN EGBERT WANTS A PIECE OF ME)

I'M KARKALICIOUS (L-L-L-L-LIKE CANDY, CANDY)

KARKALICIOUS DEF-

KARKALICIOUS DEF-EF-EF-EF-EF

GODDAMMIT, DOC SCRATCH STOP FUCKING AROUND WITH MY MIC-

KARKALICIOUS DEFINITION MAKES THE SHIPPERS CRAZY

NEPETA'S ALWAYS SQUEALIN', CUTESY PET NAMES LIKE KARKITTY

I'M THE K TO THE A, R, K, THE A, THE T

AND THE MAJORITY OF PAIRINGS HAD BETTER INCLUDE ME

I'M KARKALICIOUS (SO DELICIOUS)

MY BODY STAYS VICIOUS

ALL THE HIGHBLOODS FEELIN' NERVOUS 'CUZ I'M DOING SOME FITNESS

ZAHHAK'S MY WITNESS (WHISTLE)

BET THAT SHIP CURLS NEPETA'S TAIL

AND HE'LL BE NEEDING ALL THE TOWELS 'CUZ I'MMA MAKE HIM SWEAT PAILS

SO DELICIOUS (SUPER SWEET)

SO DELICIOUS (FUCKIN' ADORABLOODTHIRSTY)

SO DELICIOUS (EVEN EGBERT WANTS A PIECE OF ME)

I'M KARKALICIOUS (NOW YOU NOOKSUCKERS HOLD THE FUCK UP, CHECK IT OUT)

BABY, BABY, BABY

IF YOU REALLY WANT ME

HONEY GET SOME PATIENCE

MAYBE THEN YOU'LL GET A TASTE

I'LL BE TASTY, TASTY

I'LL BE LACED WITH LACY

IT'S SO TASTY, TASTY

IT'LL MAKE YOU CRAZY

T TO THE A, TO THE S-T-E-Y - FUCKIN' TASTY, T TO THE A TO THE S-T-E-Y - FUCKIN' TASTY

D TO THE E, TO THE L-I-C-I-O-U-S, TO THE D, TO THE E, TO THE, TO THE--

I'LL JUST SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU

ALL THE TIME I TURN AROUND TROLLS GATHER ROUND ALWAYS SNIFFIN' AT ME, WANNA GUESS THE COLOR OF MY BLOOD

I JUST WANNA SAY IT NOW - I AIN'T TRYING TO ROUND UP ANY DRAMA, LITTLE FUCKER I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW

AND I GUESS I'M COMING OFF AS JUST A LITTLE INSECURE ALTHOUGH I KEEP ON REPEATING HOW THE SECRET'S FUCKING AWESOME

BUT I'M TRYIN' TO TELL, IT'S A SECRET THAT I JUST DON'T WANNA TELL

TEREZI SAYS I SMELL...

DELICIOUS (SO DELICIOUS)

NO, I DON'T DO KISMESIS

AND IF YOU READ ANY FANFICS

ALL THAT SHIT IS FICTITIOUS

I BLOW KISSES (MWAH!)

DON'T MATTER IF WE'RE JUST MOIRAILS

TROLLS BE LINING DOWN THE VEIL FOR A CHANCE TO FILL A PAIL

MY BODY STAYS VICIOUS

ZAHHAK'S BEEN FEELING NERVOUS 'CUZ I GOT DOWN TO BUSINESS

NEPETA'S MY WITNESS (MEOW~!)

I'LL EVEN LET HER FIRST SHIP SAIL

JUST WATCH THAT KITTEN BE THE FIRST IN LINE TO FILL A PAIL

SO DELICIOUS (ERIDAN, SEE)

SO DELICIOUS (YOU CAN TRUST ME)

SO DELICIOUS (I'LL HELP YOU BE)

I'M KARKALICIOUS, L-L-LIKE CANDY, CANDY

IT'S SO DELICIOUS (AY, AY, AY, AY)

SO DELICIOUS (AY, AY, AY, AY)

SO DELICIOUS (AY, AY, AY, AY)

I'M KARKALICIOUS, (SHE SAYS MY BLOOD IS LIKE CANDY, CANDY)

T TO THE A, TO THE S-T-E-Y - FUCKIN' TASTY, T TO THE A TO THE S-T-E-Y - FUCKIN' TASTY

D TO THE E, TO THE L-I-C-I-O-U-S

T TO THE A, TO THE S T E Y - FUCKIN' TASTY. T TO THE A, TO THE, TO THE, TO THE, TO THE

TO THE D TO THE E, TO THE L-I-C-I-O-U-S

TO THE D TO THE E, TO THE L-I-C-I-O-U-S

TO THE D TO THE E, TO THE L-I-C-I-O-U-S TO THE D, TO THE E, TO THE...NOW, WAIT JUST A MOTHERFUCKIN' SECOND

DO I SERIOUSLY HAVE TO SPELL THIS SHIT UNTIL THE END OF THE FUCKING SONG?

I MEAN, WHOEVER FUCKING WROTE THE ORIGINAL NEVER HAD ACCESS TO SPELLCHECK I GUESS

BECAUSE T-A-S-T-E-Y DOES NOT SPELL TASTY. WAS THIS FERGIE DOUCHEMUFFIN ILLITERATE OR SOMETHING?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN HUMAN RAP ARTISTS ARE THE ONLY ONES BRAVE ENOUGH TO WRITE THEIR OWN GRAMMATICAL TRAIN WRECKS AND CALL IT MUSIC!? WHAT THE FUCK EVEN IS WILL SMITH DOING?

HE DOESN'T THROW DOWN SICK FIRES ANYMORE!?

FUCK THIS SHIT, I QUIT!

[rantlordvantas]

SECOND COMPLAINT PT3: DAVE

LISTEN, I DO NOT HAVE AN OBSESSION WITH DAVE STRIDER. HOW COULD ANYBODY HAVE AN OBSESSION WITH SUCH AN UNCOOL PIECE OF AN IRONIC BULLSHIT LIKE HIM THAT HAPPENED TO CRAWL OUT OF THE FESTERING TOILET BOWL AND MAGICALLY LEARN TO WALK UP RIGHT IF YOU CAN EVEN CALL THE HORRIFIC SLOUCH UPRIGHT ANYMORE, DAVE STRIDER IS THE MOST OBNOXIOUS BOARISH UNTALENTED LOSER I’VE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF COMING ACROSS IN MY MULTITUDINOUS LIFETIME AND TIMELINE FUCKERY. IF I HAD TO SUM HIM UP INTO A SINGLE PHRASE, I WOULD PROBABLY CALL HIM A DILFUCK FELT-FINGERER OR MAYBE A DENTED NOOKLESS SWILL FUCKET! (YKNOW LIKE FUCK BUCKET? BUT FUCKET?) ANYWAYS HALF OF YOU LOSER IN-CELLS SEEMS TO LACK A PAIR OF PERFECTLY FUNCTIONING EYES. BECAUSE EVEN THAT CHALK EATER PYROPE CAN SMELL THE UTMOST AUTHENTICITY OF MY STATEMENT THAT I AM IN FACT, NOT OBSESSED WITH THAT PALE, SNARKY, STOIC ASSHOLE! HE’S NOTHING BUT A CRYPTO-BRO SHITE IS JUST A FAUX COOL KID WEARING THOSE UN-IRONICALLY STUPID GLASSES THAT HE GOT FROM AN EQUALLY STUPID FRIEND! MAY I MENTION OR RATHER ASK HOW THE FUCK THESE JOBLESS ASSHOLES MANAGED TO PURCHASE SUCH ANLLEGEDLY COLLECTOR ITEMS FOR EACH OTHER? IT’S THE MOST FUCKASSERY CONCEPT I HAVE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF SEEING SECOND HAND! I NEED TO NOW GO STERILIZE SAID HAND OF THIS BLUNDERING STEAMY SHIT!!!

EDIT:

I MAY HAVE CHANGED SOME VERNACULAR DUE TO THE INACCURACY OF THIS SOEECH TO TEXT NONSENSE MISCONSTRUING MY GENIUS ON PURPOSE!

EDIT 2:

CAPS LOCK ON A PDA DEVICE IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS WHAT DO YOU MEAN AUTOCORRECF HARDLY FUNCTIONS WITH OUT SHITTING ITSELF!!!

[rantlordvantas]

next for wwhat

<3<

((for the sake of you choosing to be anonymous i will reply ooc. please do not attempt to engage in rp of quadratic nature while under anonymous circumstances or if you are a minor i am 22 and will be updating my bio accordingly))

[rantlordvantas]

SIXTH COMPLAINT: ERIDAN

FIRST AND FUCKING FOREMOST I WOULD LIKE TO BEGIN THIS COMPLETELY FACTUAL STATEMENT WITH A BIG FLUBBERY FUCK YOU ERIDAN!

LET US BEGIN WITH THE FACT THAT ERIDAN AMPORA IS A PUCKER-FUCKED REJECT HIPSTER FROM SOME LOSER SELF INSERT FANFIC ABOUT SOME COFFEE SHOP ROMANCE INVOLVING THE FEMALE LEAD BEING SO FUCKING UNBELIEVABLY OUT OF HIS LEAGUE BUT BY SHEER DUMB LUCK HE GETS THE GIRL…IN A PAIL QUADRANT AND UTTERLY BUM-FUCKS HIMSELF OVER WITH MELODRAMA BIG ENOUGH TO GIVE A GOOD OL’ FRIENDLY SMACK ON THE ASS TO WHEN SHE RIGHTFULLY DUMPS HIS SORRY SEA-SUCKING-SLUDGE GILLED ASS!!! HE OF COURSE PROCEEDS WITH A VICTIM COMPLEX THE SIZE OF HIS OVERLY COMPENSATING HARPOON GUN TO THE POINT OF PESTERING ME…ME! WHILE OF COURSE I WAS THE CORRECT CHOICE FOR ADVICE ON QUADRANTS, THIS WIZARDS OF WAIVERLY PLACE REJECT, FURTHER PURSUES WITH THREATS OF GENOCIDE UPON GETTING THROAT FUCKED WITH REALITY! THE REALITY IS INFACT THAT NO ONE WILL EVER SCREW HIS SCRAWNY ASS! HE WILL DIE ALONE WITH HIS SHITTY EXTRA W’S AND V’S

EDIT: I HAVE FURTHER DECIDED TO MAINTAIN MY TITLE SCHEME OF USING THE WORD COMPLAINT AS TO LIMIT MY WORKLOAD OF HAVUNG TO CHANGE ALL MY PREVIOUS POSTS

[rantlordvantas]

can you stop talkin about shit for twwo bloody seconds its givvin me a headache

THATS ITS GILL GUTTER FUCK KNUCKLE YOU ARE OFFICIALLY NEXT!!!

[rantlordvantas]

oh boy we got a chatterbox on our hands

OH WOW THANKS MR/MS/MX. OBVIOUS! IF YOU HAVENT NOTICED THE PINNED POST THIS ACCOUNT IS FOR MY SATIRICAL FUCKING GENIUS!!!

[rantlordvantas]

kar wwhat the fuck are you talkin about

WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT??? IM TALKING ABOUT HOW YOU JUST VOLUNTEERED TO BE NEXT ON MY SHIT-LIST YOU SHIDIOT!!!

FUCK I USED A SHIT BASED INSULT TWICE

YKNOW WHAT WHO FUCKING CARES YOU ARE A SHITTY SHITLER SHITTING HIMSELF SHITLESSLY!!

TAKE THAT YOU FAUX WAIF HIPSTER CUCK!