#karkat rant

[rantlordvantas]

NINTH COMPLAINT: SOLLUX

WOULD IT HAVE BEEN EQUALLY AS FUNNY TO MAKE HIM SECOND OR TWELTH COMPLAINT JUST DO IT LANDS ON ONE OF HIS “THUTPID TWOTH?” MAYBE! BUT FUCKASS PAST ME DIDNT THINK ABOUT THAT NOW DID HE, NO. SO I WILL PREFACE THIS WOTH A BIT OLD FUCK YOU PAST ME. SOLLUX LISPY CAPTOR, WHILE ITS GOOD AND ALL YOU NOT ONLY GOT WOTH THE LOWEST ON OUR CASTE AND THE HIGHEST, YOUR DUALITY ASS BULLSHIT IS GETTING ON MY LAST SHRIVELED NERVE ENDING. EVERY-TIME I TALK TO YOU I FEEL THE UNSCRUPULOUS NEED TO CHOKE BACK VOMIT AT YOUR SWILL BUCKET CONTENTS YOU DUMPED ALLLLLLL OVER MY COMPUTER CALLED A VIRUS!!! INFORMATION FROM THE JOHN HUMAN HAS MADE ME PRIVY TO THE HISTORY THAT EVEN FURRIES HACKED THE PENTAGON! WHATEVER THE FUCK EITHER OF THOSE ARE IM SURE IT MEANS THAT YOUR FAUX COOL-GUY-CODE-MASTER ACT IS ABOUT AS IMPRESSIVE AS DRINKING YOUR OWN KISMESSIS BUCKET CONTENTS SND ASKING FOR A GOLD STAR! WELL HERE IT IS BULGE BREATH! A NICE GOLD STAR ON MY MIDDLE DIGIT NOW KISS IT BEFORE I SHOVE IT SO HARD IN YOUR FACE I FIX YOUR LISP!!! REAL COOL BY THE WAY HOW YOU FUCKING BLEW UP ONE GIRLFRIEND AND HATE CUCKED YOUR SECONDS HIGHLY UNSTABLE EX-MOIRAIL! SERIOUSLY THAT SHIT WAS STRAIGHT OUT OF A Z-LIST ROM-COM AT THE BOTTOM OF A BARGAIN BIN! FOR YOUR INFORMATION FEFERI MADE IT PRETTY FUCKING OBVIOUS YOU WERE CUTE IN THE WAY A LUSUS FINDS A BRAIN DAMAGED GRUB TO BE CUTE! OH WAIT I JUST DESCRIBED HOW YOUR CUSTODIAN PICKED YOU UO! PITTY YOU GREW INTO SUCH A MOLDY NOOK ON LEGS THAT YOURE-WAIT FUCK HOLD ON SOLLUX IS NOT CUTE I JUST MEAN THAT LIKE STUPID THINGS ARE TO EVEN STUPIDER THINGS! FUCK

[rantlordvantas]

UPDATE NO.1: FUCK

BETWEEN MY FUTURE SELF HATE FLIRTING WITH MY CURRENT AND PAST SELF I DON’T KNOW IF I HATE EVERYONE ELSE MORE OR MYSELF WITH SUCH A NARCISSISTIC PASSION I’M ABOUT TO GO HAVE A FULL PORNO SLOPPY MAKE OUT WITH MYSELF IN THE GOD DAMN MIRROR!

ERIDAN IS LOSING HIS MIND AS USUAL OVER THE FACT A LISPY NERD STOLE HIS GIRL AND I’M PRETTY FUCKING SURE NEPETA IS IN THE VENTS…..I CANNOT FATHOM HOW THAT WARRIOR CAT KID WANNABE CAN HANDLE THOSE TIGHT SPACES. IT’S BOTH UNSETTLING AND UNHYGIENIC, JUST LIKE HER HORSE CUCK OF A MOIRAIL OFF PERSPIRING OVER MY PERFECTLY REASONABLE ORDERS TO TROLL THESE UTTERLY DENTED HUMANS!

MORE TO COME I GUESS IF ANY OF YOU CAN EVEN BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS AND IF I EVEN SURVIVE I GUESS…

[rantlordvantas]

EIGHTH COMPLAINT: VRISKA

OKAY YOU SWILL SUCKERS TODAY I WILL BE LAMENTING YOUR BROKEN THINKPANS FULL OF RUST CAUSED BY THE FLUID OF BULLSHIT YOU FILL IT WITH ON A DAILY, AND SUBSEQUENTLY CLEAN THAT VILE SHIT FROM YOUR MINDS AS I SPEAK THE FUCKING TRUTHS ABOUT NONE OTHER THAN THE ONLY OTHER BLUE BLOOD WORSE THAN EQUIUS AND THAT IS SAYING SOMETHING!!!

VRISKA FUCKING SERKET… I AM NOT AFRAID TO SAY SHE DID EVERY-FUCKING-THING WRONG AND EXPECTED PEOPLE TO FORGIVE HER. LET’S START AT THE BEGINNING YEAH? WELL THE ACTUAL BEGINNING WOULD’VE BEEN HER WRIGGLING DAY, THE MOTHER GRUB SHOULD’VE POPPED HER LIKE A SQUIRMING BLUE GRAPE THE MOMENT SHE HATCHED! BUT ALAS; I SPEAK OF HER FLARPING SCHEMES, NOT ONLY DID SHE BLIND TEREZI! BUT THAT INCIDENT CAUSED TEREZI TO BECOME EVEN MORE FUCKING ANNOYING AND GROSS EUGH! NOW SHE’S A CHALK EATING REJECT WHO LICKS HER FUCKING COMPUTER SCREEN LIKE COME ON! BUT THAT’S NOT WHO WE ARE FOCUSING ON. SECONDLY SHE NOT ONLY BULLIED TAVROS RELENTLESSLY HIS WHOLE FUCKING LIFE BUT WHEN HE ACTUALLY MADE THE SMART MOVE TO NOT MAKE A SHITTY ROLL ON A SHITTY QUEST SET UP BY A SHITTY FUCKING MISS VRISKA! SHE MIND CONTROLLED HIM TO ROLL ANYWAYS AND ROLL RIGHT THE FUCK OFF A CLIFF!! SO NOW THAT’S TWO PEOPLE SHE’S DISABLED FOR FUCKING WHITTY AND GIGGLES! I GENUINELY HOPE ONE OF THESE DAYS SHE TRIPS OVER ONE OF HER LAME ASS MAGIC 8 BALLS AND IN SOME MASTERFUL TUMBLE ENDS UP ON THE FLOOR GASPING FOR BREATH, HER MOUTH FAR TOO CLOSE TO A PILE OF DISCARDED DICE, INHALING THEM! SHE CHOKES ON HER STUPID DICE AND DIES A STUPID DEATH! FUCK!

LET’S MOVE ONTO HER LITTLE MASSIVE CRUSH ON JOHN AND TAVROS MKAY? OKAY GOOD WE CAN ALL AGREE THAT TAVROS DID NOT CONSENT TO HER ADVANCES RIGHT? YEAH I’M LEAVING IT AT THAT, AND THE JOHN THING… JOHN HOLY FUCK ARE YOU TOO NICE! MAN UP AND TELL HER TO GET THE FUCK LOST! I..I REALLY HAVE NOTHING COLORFUL TO SAY ABOUT IT SHE JUST… FUCK THIS SHIT IS SAD! PATHETIC AND BORDERLINE IMMORAL! IN THE END SHE COULDN’T EVEN PROPERLY APOLOGIZE WITHOUT INSERTING HER FUCK ASS SAVIOR COMPLEX TO EDGE HERSELF A LITTLE LONGER SHE ALSO GETS TO PLAY THE VICTIM CARD… VICTIM OF WHAT! YOU HAD A MOIRAIL WHO LET YOU BE AN AWFUL FUCKING PERSON, YOU HAD MIND CONTROL, YOU LIVED IN A FUCKING CASTLE AND YOU RUINED ALL OF THAT! KANAYA WAS SO FUCKING FLUSHED FOR YOU AND YOU COULDN’T SEE IT WITH 8 EYES LET ALONE TWO! SO YEAH I FUCKING SAID IT… VRISKA DID EVERYTHING FUCKING WRONG!

EDIT: upon further notice I karkat vantas am an im8ecile and will go apologize 8y kissing vriskas aweeeeeeeeesome red shoes

EDIT: IGNOR PREVIOUS EDIT THAT BAG OF BITCHNESS MIND CONTROLLED ME!

EDIT: NOOOOOOOO SHE FUCKING DIDNT!

EDIT: YES SHE FUCKING DID!!

EDIT: > ::::::::(

[rantlordvantas]

FOURTH COMPLAINT:…..EQUIUS

OKAY LISTEN…MY INITIAL INTENTION WAS NOT TO GO ABOUT THIS IN THE SIMPLEST WAY POSSIBLE FOR YOUR JELLY BRAINS TO COMPREHEND BY EXPOSING ALL THE ASSHOLES I’M SURROUNDED BY IN A SPECIFIC ORDER….HOWEVER FUCK THAT I CAN DO WHAT I WANT AND I DON’T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING FOR YOUR FEEBLE CONVENIENCE!

NOW FOR A VERY IMPORTANT ADD BREAK!

HAVE YOU BEEN PERSONALLY VICTIMIZED BY THE CASTE SYSTEM HIGHBLOOD HUMPER EQUIUS ZAHHAK? YOU MAY BE LIABLE FOR COMPENSATION! MUCH LIKE HIS OWN OVERCOMPENSATION OF HIS MICRO BULGE! CALL 1-800-SWEAT AND GIVE US HIS LOCATION, A SUB-JUGGLING CHUCKLE-FUCK WILL BE DISPATCHED TO SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS! WITH A FEW OBNOXIOUS HONKS AND A SKULL SMASH OR TWO LATER YOUR POWER-SUB HORSE-COCK-MONGER WILL BE GOOD AND GONE!

BUT SERIOUSLY! THIS FREAKAZOID WANTS TO BE DOMMED SO BADLY BY THE SO CALLED UPPER CLASS IT’S PATHETIC! THAT MILK DRINKERRRRGDHHDJEJ….EXCUSE ME I HAD TO PROMPTLY RUN TO THE WASTE RECIPROCAL TO EXPELL THE CONTENTS OF MY LAST MEAL BEFORE I CAN PROPERLY CONTINUE, JUST KNOW THAT I AM DRY HEAVING AS I TYPE. BETWEEN BROKEN TEETH THIS SLIPPER SLEUTH LIKES TO BOSS PEOPLE AROUND IN SUCH A WAY IT’S A FETISH I’M NOT EVEN GOING TO ATTEMPT TO CALL IT BORDERLINE BECAUSE IT IS A FUCKING FETISH FOR THIS SCUM-SUCKING BOTTOM CUCK-FUCKER NEEDS TO BE LOCKED UP! AS IF ANYTHING CAN ACTUALLY RESTRAIN THIS PHYSICAL EMBODIMENT OF STEROIDS….OH FUCK HE’S PROBABLY BEATING HIS LUSUS OVER READING THIS, GETTING OFF ON THIS WALL OF BERATEMENT. EQUIUS I FUCKING SWEAR! IF YOU READ THIS I WILL BECOME A BETTER FUCKING ARCHER JUST TO SPITE YOUR RAINBOW DASH JAR COLLECTING ASS!

[rantlordvantas]

SECOND COMPLAINT PT 2: DAVE

AND ANOTHER THING! THIS EMPTY PANNED PUCKER-FUCK HAS THEE ACTUALLY FUCKING AUDACITY TO TROLL US BACK? THAT’S NOT HOW THIS WORKS! SO WHAT IF WE DECIDED TO BE ASSHOLES WE ARE FUCKING TROLLS DAMNIT! ANYWAY THIS BULGE BUMPER HAD THE NERVE TO BORDERLINE TRAUMATIZE ALMOST EVERY TROLL AND HUMAN ALIKE HE HAPPENS TO CURSE WITH HIS PRESENCE! I WILL DO MY BEST FOR YOU TROGLO-FUCKS TO EXPLAIN IT RATIONALLY THAT DAVE STRIDER IS IN FACT THE LEAST COOL HUMAN TO EVER HAVE EXISTED. THIS PUPPET PUSHING FELT FUCKER ACTUALLY NEEDS TO GET EDUCATED ON THE DEFINITION OF BEING COOL. WHO THE FUCK FREAKS OUT LIKE THAT AND THROWS A SHITTY KNOCK OFF SWORD AT A BIRD???? IT’S A BIRD! AN AVIAN CREATURE OF NO SIGNIFICANT DANGER TO SOMEONE OF THE STRIDERS SIZE AND IN THE MOST UN-COOL FASHION PROCEEDED TO LAUNCH HIS LITTLE WEEB TOY AT SAID FEATHERED FUCK AND SPILLED HIS OVERLY SUGARED HIGHLY PROCESSED APPLE EXTRACT KNOWN AS JUICE ALL OVER THOSE NOISY PURPOSELESS DISCS THAT HE USES TO DEMONIZE THE PERFORMING ARTS FOR IRONIC PURPOSES..IRONICALLY SO IN A WAY THAT IT IS IN-FACT NOT IRONIC TO BE THAT ACTUALLY FUCKING AWFUL. JUST BECAUSE YOU SUCK AND CLAIM IT’S IRONIC DOESN’T MAKE IT IRONIC YOU ARE BASTARDIZING THE VERY MEANING OF IRONY UNLESS YOU ARE ADMITTING TO BEING SO OVERTLY, PREPOSTEROUSLY, COMPLETELY TERRIBLE ON PURPOSE! IN WHICH CASE ISN’T IRONIC EITHER IT’S BULLSHITTERY OF THE HIGHEST DEGREE OF UNEQUIVOCALLY STUPID! AND SO TO SUMMARIZE MY VERY OBVIOUS POINT FOR THE CHUCKLE-FUCKS STILL READING WITHOUT GETTING A CLUE…DAVE STRIDER IS A SHITTY FLOW-LESS, BITCH-LESS, TALENTLESS ASS WIPEGDIGODHDOGUGHFUFFUF FIXFUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!

[rantlordvantas]

FIFTH COMPLAINT: REVISION

UPON FURTHER CONSIDERATION FOR MY DICTION I SHALL INSTEAD USE THE TERM “GRIEVANCE”GIVEN THE WORD “COMPLAINT” IMPLIES IRRATIONAL STATEMENTS OF UNWARRANTED ISSUE ON NON-ISSUE TOPICS AT A GIVEN 90% OF THE TIME AND SO TO AVOID SUCH A TERM BEING APPLIED OF KAREN I SHALL HEREBY USE THE VERNACULAR OF “GRIEVANCE”… OR NO ACTUALLY I TAKE THAT BACK TOO!!! I WILL USE THE WORD “ERROR” YES, ERROR IS PERFECT TO DESCRIBE THE FUCKLE-MUCKING NOOK SNIFFERS I AM FORCED TO CO-PLAY WITH. THEY ARE BINARY FUCKUPS THAT LAG MY SESSION AS TEAM LEADER MY GAME WAS ALWAYS MEANT TO BE THE SMOOTHEST OF EVERYONES! WELL IF IM GOING TO USE CODING AS A METAPHOR TO THESE LOOGIES I MIGHT ASWELL USE THE HEADLINE OF BUG FIX? OR GAME BUG OR WHAT FUCKING EVER ILL FIGURE IT OUT FUCK YOU!

[the-sapphire-fox-blog]

WELL THANKS WINDOWZ YOURE GREAT IVE BEEN SITTING HERE FOR 20 MINUTES. NOW YOU'RE UNDOING 20 MINUTES OF WORKING AND WAITING. LOVE YOU TOO.

[askthedoublefucka22e2]

SO APPARENTLY SOLLUX NOT BEING ABLE TO HEAR THE VOICES ANYMORE WAS JUST A TEMPORARY THING.. HE SAID THEY STARTED COMING BACK NOW.. I DON'T REALLY KNOW HOW HE FEELS ABOUT IT BUT.. FUCK HIM NOT BEING CONSTANTLY MINDFUCKED BY THOSE VOICES SEEMED TO BE THE ONLY THING THAT MADE SOLLUX OKAY WITH ALL OF THIS.. HOPE HE'S TALKING IT OUT WITH TAVROS.