The rat boy with the rat ploy

He/him

[hsuhaohsuhaohsuhao]

An insane rat just rubbed up against my feet

[ratboyjeremy]

Hey guys, jeremy here. merry christmas. things have been crazy lately. the transition's going well but i think i may have inadvertedly given myself some form of lycanthropy. the blackouts keep happening and a couple days ago i woke up in the middle of shoving gore into my mouth. i don't know why it happens randomly instead of just on the full moon, but at least my wolf form buys me the groceries. what i've picked up on so far is that he really likes football, fishing, and he has way more friends than me because he can drink at the local pub without throwing up. even linda gets along with him better (though i think she was just lying about the peace and love thing and actually doesn't like me anyway). i guess i know what to get him for christmas though. i'm gonna call him chris. i'll start leaving him notes so we can get on the same page. thanks. jeremy

[knowyournewmeme]

Inhaled some spores, now when I speak another voice speaks underneath it

[ratboyjeremy]

It happened to me

[ratboyjeremy]

Hey guys, jeremy here. i've been pretty sick lately. i've had a lot of headaches. sometimes i black out and then find myself in an unrecognised location, usually with blood on my paws and a blunt in my mouth. i'm not sure what that's about, but smoking does make me dizzy so it could be down to that. i never remember rolling it though. it's mostly annoying because i need to find my way home every time and i don't carry a phone (i fear the government). yesterday i was doing lab stuff in the lab then things started spinning and i suddenly woke up in the crowd of a football game. that i don't have a hypothesis for (i hate football). in other news, my nile river thievery plan is going well. i think i have all the materials i need, i just need the money to get there. i considered getting a job at my local morrisons but when i tried to walk in everyone screamed and threw things at me. i might try robbing a bank next. thanks. jeremy

[ratboyjeremy]

Hey guys, jeremy here. hoo boy... going to the club is so embarassing for me these days. all the other scientists have their big flashy lasers and their evil brain robots and shrunken down historical landmarks, not to mention the outfits! it's like i think i know what to do with myself and then the minute i try to relate to other scientists it's like i'm on another planet. all i really have is linda but she doesn't know any tricks and it would feel a little demeaning to try and teach her (for the both of us). she's her own person, undead or not. i met a cute guy today with a frankenstein that could skate! i watched it do a 900 into warslide! can you do that, tony? i tried to "rizz" him with my "tboy swag", as she would describe it, but right when i thought things were getting somewhere he brought me to his big maze and made me run around getting cheese for hours! every time! i wish boys appreciated me for me and not for my shocking rat intellect. thanks. jeremy

[ratboyjeremy]

Hey guys, jeremy here. i won't have a lot of time for the internet because i'm busy plotting and scheming. unrelated, i've been down in the lab developing my own testerone and today i'm finally finished. it looks a little funky compared to the stuff on the market, greener and thicker than expected, but beggers can't be choosers. i think the chemical salt i used was expired but it's giving great results. not physically noticeable yet, but i sure feel great. i did my own top surgery about a month ago so i'm well on my way to peak performance. thanks. jeremy

[mad-scientist-anton]

nice

[ratboyjeremy]

thanks. jeremy

[ratboyjeremy]

Hey guys, jeremy here. i won't have a lot of time for the internet because i'm busy plotting and scheming. unrelated, i've been down in the lab developing my own testerone and today i'm finally finished. it looks a little funky compared to the stuff on the market, greener and thicker than expected, but beggers can't be choosers. i think the chemical salt i used was expired but it's giving great results. not physically noticeable yet, but i sure feel great. i did my own top surgery about a month ago so i'm well on my way to peak performance. thanks. jeremy

[ratboyjeremy]

Hey guys, jeremy here. remember when i said i'd been in tighter pinches? boy. don't i feel like there's egg on my snout. i just spent the last 11 hours under police custody as they tried to get answers regarding the crash. they didn't believe that i could be involved, i am a simple rat of course, but they were really insistent that i must know something. it was stressful. i'm a weak little boy you see - i'm not like the proper solid sewer rats that live in most prisons - and i'm also a terrible liar. so really i just squeaked the whole time and acted like a simple cheese-loving animal, until finally linda came and bailed me out (she wanted me to show her how to use the thermostat back home). sometimes stereotypes come in handy. i won't let this halt me any further though. onwards and upwards! i only hope this goes on my permanent record - i hear evil scientists like their subjects with attitude, and knowing i've been arrested could give me a big boost in that regard. thanks. jeremy

[ratboyjeremy]

Hey guys, jeremy here. something got in the way of my plans again. while i was rummaging around in the bins looking for water bottles a human man got out of his car and approached me. he was wearing a trenchcoat and a powerful hat, and he offered me a sandwich. corned beef and corn on hovis medium white bread. he was like "hey little guy, you look hungry. need a ride? my mother owns like 7 airbnbs and i could sneak you into one for free." i viscerally dislike airbnb though so once he got close enough i ran up his arm and onto his head, then i started pulling on his hair like the rat in my favourite movie, pulling him on his hair back into his car and onto the road. i don't know how to drive though so we immediately crashed into an embankment wall and he died but i lived (i was under the powerful hat). i'm kind of lost right now and emergency services are approaching the destination but i've been in tighter pinches before i must say. it'll be fine. in case you're wondering, the guy deserved it. i mean, have you heard what they use to make corned beef? thanks. jeremy

[ratboyjeremy]

Hey guys, jeremy here. i've been thinking of stealing the nile river. this will have to be a long term project. i've already started collecting all the waterbottles i can find. the real problem is buying tickets to egypt (linda said she'd like to come along). i'm on a tight budget here, so i'd like to reiterate: if anyone is looking for a new lab rat, please give me a call. thanks. jeremy

[ratboyjeremy]

Hey guys, jeremy here. linda and i have come to a sort of truce. after it stopped screaming and calmed down a little linda is what the corpse of many hearts identified itself as. i said i was sorry for bringing it back into a life of agony and it said "don't worry about it man because now i'm so full of joy and love and appreciation for all the little things that i once ignored". or something like that. i think it's still a little upset at me though because it drew a line in chalk across half the house and declared it's side to be it's property from now on. i didn't want to be rude so i just agreed but now i can't access my kitchen. so i guess i'll be eating out of the bins again tonight. and sleeping in the bins again tonight. but tomorrow is a new day and with that comes new experiments to try. thanks. jeremy

[ratboyjeremy]

Hey guys, jeremy here. i have good news and bad news. in the end after i'd taken out all it's other organs i managed to cram 9 hearts into one body, which i think is some admirable work. what i didn't expect though is for the body to wake up. i believe with all those new hearts the power of love was so strong within it's meagre frame that it was motivated to cheat death through sheer force of will. kind of like the horses from my favourite show. that's the good news: an excellent if unexpected result to the experiment. the bad news is that now it just screams and screams. i guess i should've asked for permission before using it for such purposes. i'm not really sure what to do with it now because it won't leave my house. it tracks blood all over the place which i have trouble cleaning up due to my size. on one hand i know i should kill it, but on the other hand i'm very proud of myself for bringing it into the world. thanks. jeremy

[ratboyjeremy]

Hey guys, jeremy here. my newly gained wisdom is encouraging me to steal a few bodies from my local cemetary and perform dubious surgeries on them. not in a frankenstein sort of way, they're got getting revived or anything, just to practice. i think it's a great idea. i'm wondering how many hearts i can fit into one ribcage. i'll let you know how it goes. thanks. jeremy

[ratboyjeremy]

Hey guys, jeremy here. i really think i hit the jackpot when i drank that red glowing bubbling vat of mystery fluid in the bins outside the sadness factory. my headache hasn't gone away and i'm also pretty itchy but i've been gaining a lot of new knowledge from somewhere (from the fluid no doubt). all of a sudden i've grown intimately aware of the human body, the rat body, all sorts of chemical combinations and scientific techniques etc. it's also brought with it a desperate, rattling urge to put that knowledge to use at all costs. just this morning i looked my rat mother in the eyes and vividly hallucinated an in-depth step-by-step guide on how to taxidermize her. it's a little overwhelming but i'll figure something out. thanks. jeremy

[ratboyjeremy]

Hey guys, jeremy here. since nobody came back to me about my open application for lab ratting i decided i must not have enough experience. i should involve myself in some experiments of my own before i'm really qualified for a fulltime lab rat position. today for example i went down to my local sadness factory and found this big vat of bubbling bioluminescent red liquid in the bins outside - i was like, "is anyone gonna eat that?" and then i just slurped it all down before any of the other rats had time to answer. i've got a pretty big headache now but i'll let you guys know the results when i see them. thanks. jeremy

[ratboyjeremy]

Hey guys, jeremy here. money's kind of tight right now so i'm looking to apply for a position as lab rat. i'm very hardworking and attentive and i have a very high pain tolerance. open to trying out new and strange elixiers, genetic mutations, psychological torments etc. will accept peanuts and grain as payment but really i do it for love of the craft. if interested please let me know and i'll get back to you in the morning. thanks. jeremy