PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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@ratedpforpizza
friend!
*lying in bed with my wife*
her: honey you seem to have something on your mind
me: no sweetheart iām fine
her: are you sure?
me: yes iām sure. good to sleep
my mind:
gapple fcrumbleā¦ā¦ā¦
i canāt believe its my responsibility to live this life to the fullestā¦.wtf
*lying in bed with my wife*
her: honey you seem to have something on your mind
me: no sweetheart iām fine
her: are you sure?
me: yes iām sure. good to sleep
my mind:
gapple fcrumbleā¦ā¦ā¦
hereās a concept: me, riding your ceiling fan like a gargoyle. you, smacking me with a broom. both of us are yelling
Am I wet? Am I on my period? Did I pee my pants?- next on wtf is going on down there.
Iām so glad this is a universal wondering among vagina-owners, haha.
āVagina-ownersā
Tune in next time for: Are these menstrual cramps? Am I pregnant? Is it just gas? I wouldnāt have to ask these questions if I didnāt have a damn uterus
Next week: Is it a bladder infection? An ovarian cyst? Do I have endometriosis? Oh God please do not let it be cervical cancer! A 20/20 special
Y'all are forgetting the all-time classic: Is it just my period or is my appendix about to burst? Some nice tea and a heatpack or 911 and emergency surgery?
There is actually a test for that last one!
Place your hand over the pain, press down slightly and release. If the pain doesnāt change by any great margin, youāre fine. If it suddenly becomes some painful you can barely stand, Get thee to an Emergency Room
reblog for the safety of vaginas and their owners
The appendix test works with or without a vagina so reblogging for everyone.
Reblogging because I didnāt know this and it needs to be shared.
id love for someone to please explain to me how i ended up terrified of any kind of intimacy while craving it constantly all at the same time
the other night i tried to make a curry and i got chilli burns all over my face, so i thought to myselfĀ āhang on, doesnāt milk soothe chilli burns? it doesā and i couldnāt google because i couldnāt see so i just had to blindly feel my way to the fridge and pour out a bowl of milk, and then plant my face in the bowl of milk, anyway at that point the rice cooker went off and triggered a power surge which turned my electricity off, which i didnāt notice at first because i had my face in a bowl of milk and when i did emerge from the dairy prison i thought i had gone blind with chilli burns. so no i donāt really cook much.
the moon controlling the tides sounds like something out of a fantasy novel and yetā¦there she isā¦doing Thatā¦every dayā¦