Rat Patrol Jeeferson

worse in every way

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Max had a little build day in the snowy backyard of bummer city. Winter hits hard so he built this stupid house Trike, officially named "Safety Third: the bummer city house trike" Alexis loves long names like that. Its made from an old unicycle donated by Caitlyn. And don't worry, its take apartable so it can still be used as a unicycle. Hooray! There's talk of slapping an odometer on it to find out how much "indoor triking" we do this winter. There will be video of action riding soon!

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Max has been bad at the internet lately. But, hey, he's bad at everything! He finally printed up the Jeef Junk patches for this year using one of his un-patented super tiny screen printing set ups. Did you go to junk parade and are reading this? Send your address and you'll be sent a patch. Since you almost certainly didn't go, send your address and maybe you'll get a sticker or something. Probably not.

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Maybe it was drastic parts per million change in diesel smoke content of the nearby region, or maybe it was the presence of a new Rat King, but the clouds and rain were scared off for another beautiful Junk parade. People picked out their dumb bikes and rode through the scenic, pot-hole-less, Wisconsin countryside. A pleasant change from the streets of Chicago.  Fun was had. Skin was burned. Locals were proven wrong about being able to do wheelies on that chopper.

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Rats scurried along the walls of I-94 in the dark of night past the cheddar curtain to make it to the annual junk parade. They were greeted with a new Rat King of the Slightly More North (brought to you by RPBC MKE).  Bikes were built. Colors were re-made. Little sleep was had. In the morning everyone dragged themselves out of bed and piled bikes onto less cool vehicles for the trip to the hopefully rain free parade.

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I've been slacking. This happened a while ago.

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Max visited the department of fleet management with Alexis and Cris to have a little build day working on chopper trikes and trailers. Max built this little number for hauling bikes and other dumpstered goods. In this instance its hauling a tiny shopping cart. How cute is that? Real cute. It’s real heavy and loud, just like some good music. Although, come to think of it, loud and heavy aren’t really characteristics of a good trailer… so it’s not a very good trailer by those standards. Oh well…

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Max sprained his ankle in a tallbike v. pothole accident recently. Here's a funny picture of how dumb he looks trying to get around.

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Everyone’s who doesn’t own a coat’s favorite Rat Patrol event Swim Swim Bike Bike Swim Swim Bike Bike Swim Swim Bike Bike. This year we are having an Alley Rat Friday night. Whats that you ask? its like an alley cat, only fun. Meet up at 7:00pm at the Logan Monument. at 7:30 teams of 3 will be drawn randomly. You’ll have till 11pm to get to all 5 alley bars we’ll have set up around the northwest side. Each bar will have a special drink, $5 will cover your tab for the whole ride, if you don’t have $5 or don’t want to drink you’re still welcome to participate. Between bars you’ll scavenge the alley for items with point values. If you make it all 5 bars you’ll get the secret password to the after party were points will be tallied and prizes will be bestowed. Saturday will be the classic swim bike ride starting out with a pot-luck cook at 1933 N. Humboldt Blvd followed by biking, then swimming , then biking, then swimming, then biking, then swimming , then biking, then eating some snacks, then waiting 30 minutes, then swimming, forever and maybe some brunch. You’ll need a legit swim suit for one spot and put your cell phone in a plastic bag.

http://tinyurl.com/swimbike3

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Go Die in a Bed Wreck, the bed frame bike

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A closer look at Cris and Go Die in a Bed Wreck

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It is pretty hard to explain what the Battle Train is, maybe video will help.

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Rat Patrol Chicago and Jeeferson recently took a punk vacation for May Day in Minneapolis. We headed up a few days early to get the full Minnesota nice experience and were not disappointed. Upon arrival there were bikes to ride, places to explore, and snacks to snack all thanks to our gracious hosts at Pork Ave. Our first field day involved a trip to the witch hat tower and a scenic bike ride to St. Paul and back. Day two was a fun day with the fine folks at the grease pit bike shop and an attempt to help the build process at Matt Carlyl’s. The Day of the parade, we arrived just in time for the safety meeting where, in reference to the battle train and the brand new, 20 foot tall, human powered, scrap metal ferris wheel, we were all told repeatedly: “no one can be crushed by this. It is very important that no one gets crushed by this.” Consequently, no-one was crushed. After the parade everyone hung out in Powderhorn park, rode the ferris wheel, and took naps. A great weekend was had by all. 

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After a tumultuous ride and more than one person gaining on Sara’s Drunken Princess Award, we made it to the Tallbike Jousting spot. Perhaps it was the cold and blowing snow, but it was an uncharacteristically quick game with clean hits and clear cut victors. In the final round, Rat Patrol Nasvhille’s CJ took out Yly for the win and kept the four year buckle streak going. After some debate about whether or not to stick it out the cold, we made our way to whiplash. Max the Jefferson Chapter took home the win with an impressive, never before seen spin around. Yly was awarded the “Dead Last” gloves for his participation and failure at every game. Better luck next year.

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Next stop was a warm up pallet fire/warm cider combo. It was the warmest. Super especially warm, we decided to have a slow tallbike race. There were so many contestants that we had to divide it up into two heats. Bad Taste’s Adam took home the knuck gloves on his fixed gear tallbike, which, much like a trike in footdown, is the best way to out yourself as a cheater. Then we went on our way to the figure 8 race. On the way there Bad Taste’s Sara took a spill and Passed out in the back of girl Joey’s cab.Little did she know, this move would cement her win for the drunken princess award. The figure 8 race happened on a basketball court and quickly devolved, as so many games do, into a crashing match. In the end, Bad Taste took home another pair of gloves. Another win for Canada…

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This year’s piñata was too full of cassette tapes, bricks, patches, dick tips, and balls to hang. So it was dragged behind the chopper trike for less than a second before being savagely tore apart. Then we ate snacks and rode to the mystery U building which, after being found on a drunken ride, took many attempts to relocate. Once there, we played the newest oldest rat patrol game: steal the bacon, where people on tallbikes have to pull bananas out of each other’s  pockets. Alan from Mosh and Brew beat out Tom from Bad Taste. The sun was going down, everyone was getting thirsty, and the cops showed up, so we headed to the grocery store where we found clearance hand and foot warmers and stocked up for the rest of the ride.  

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At the crack of noon everyone rolled out of their beds/cots/beer can piles and headed out to another St. Ratricks Day. This year started, as so many have before, with a cookout at the boathouse. Strangely, the security guard told us to move, suggesting that if we were going to break the rules, we should make less of a spectacle of it. After an ice-lagoonside cookout, everyone took to the streets with full bellies and a trailer full of snacks. Because you always need more snacks. We arrived at our first destination quickly. Foot-down was the name of the game. It started slowly, with nobody taking any charge in knocking other people off of their bikes. After a formal 3, 2, 1 footdown, everything got going. The last two contestants were Bad Taste Tom and, of course, Mitch from Mosh and Brew. A surprise upset left Tom with a shiny new Ratricks foot down medal and a pair of embroidered knuck-tat gloves.

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This year we kicked off St. Ratick’s Day with an art show at Ground Control Gallery. Featuring art by and about Rat Patrol. After the opening we all road over to The Mutiny for The No Talent Shit Show. Georgia O’Queef and Warboner opened up the show followed by the few people who signed up to show off their lack of talents. The shameless winners were Will Explode who chugged a beer while poging in his underwear,  Erika who walked on broken bottles, and Max who played the drums and judged a kissing contest. Volunteers played various disgusting games such as baby birding malort, hickey contest and thunderstruck drinking game luckily the participants puked off stage. Lots of bodily fluids were exchanged.

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Screen printing pizza party (not pictured donuts)