I wanted to try writing a script with time constraints and I think the product isn't half bad
AFTER 1 MINUTE:
AFTER 10 MINUTES:
ignore that the word shore is red
AND AFTER ONE HOUR, THE FINISHED PRODUCT (is under the cut):
Some Queer Pirates in: Hungry Halloween Adventure
[A SHIP sails across the open ocean. It has been on the water for far too long and the crew is hungry and sick. They spot LAND.]
CREWMATEY: Yarr, there be land, lubbers!!
[Camera pans to two sad gay pirates in each other’s embrace. They look to where CREWMATEY is pointing and brighten up]
[The SHIP sails toward the shore, but it stops before it can reach the ISLAND. A large green VINE-LIKE TENTACLE bursts through the palm trees and reaches for the SHIP.]
CAP’N: Looks like this land’s puttin’ up a fight, lads. Give that big green heathen your all, Pappy needs solid land for his tai chi!
[The CREW fights the VINETACLE. They swing swords and light bombs. One PIRATE gets grabbed by the VINETACLE and is waved around. A snap is heard and the PIRATE stops struggling. The VINETACLE freezes for a moment, then speeds back to land.]
CAP’N: YARRRR! WHERE DOES THAT FOUL BEAST THINK IT’S TAKING PETER?!
[On the shore, EMERGENCY MEDICAL PERSONNEL rush to the unresponsive PETER. The VINETACLE lets go and allows the EMTS to do their work.]
CAP’N: Huh. ? ? ?!?!???!?!?!!? NO TIME TO QUESTION IT, LADS, WE MUST PUSH ON!
[The SHIP sails up to the shore and drops anchor. CREW disboards and rushes onto the land. A large PUMPKIN makes its way through the trees, pushing them aside with large VINETACLES.]
CAP’N: YAR, THE FIGHT’S NOT OVER!
[CAP’N points his cutlass at PUMPKIN.]
PUMPKIN: [corporate gay voice] Woah, woah, fun’s over, buddies. We’ve gotta take care of your friend over there. We don’t want a lawsuit on our hands, now, do we?
[CREW is fucking confused.]
PUMPKIN: Listen, I loved your commitment to the scene! [PUMPKIN gestures with his VINETACLES] We feed off of your energy and it makes the Halloween Island experience better for everyone! But we really nee-
CAP’N: Wait just a moment there, Gourdo. What do you mean, –
[PUMPKIN interrupts CAP’N this time.]
PUMPKIN: Are you calling me fat :(
CAP’N: What? No, no. Yer a gourd, right? Bein’ a pumpkin n’ all? It’s just a little nickname, I meant nothin’ mean by it.
PUMPKIN: Ok :(
CREWMATE: [whispering] Good save, Cap’n
CAP’N: [whispering] Thank you, thank you. [normal voice] What do you mean, Halloween Island?
PUMPKIN: You’ve heard of Easter Island, right?
CAP’N: Yeah?
PUMPKIN: Halloween Island.
CAP’N: That isn’t much of an explanation.
[EMTS wave down PUMPKIN]
PUMPKIN: I’m being called excuse me
[PUMPKIN rushes off. CAP’N crosses his arms]
CAP’N: Think this place is on Pirate Yelp?
CREWMATEY: Let me check my Pirate Phone.
CREWMATE: If it is, we should give it one Pirate Star! [He seems far too proud of this joke]
[CAP’N and CREWMATEY look at CREWMATE]
CREWMATEY: What is that?
CAP’N: You can’t just put the word “pirate” in front of something and expect it to make sense, lad.
[CREWMATE hangs his head dejectedly]
[Meanwhile, EMTS tell PUMPKIN that PETER is dead.]
PUMPKIN: Oh dear Gourd. They are so going to rate us one Pirate Star on Pirate Yelp.
[FADE TO BLACK]
[FADE TO EVERYONE DOING TAI CHI ON THE BEACH AS CREDITS ROLL. PETER’S CORPSE LIES LIMP ON THE GROUND]
I wanted to try writing a script with time constraints and I think the product isn't half bad
AFTER 1 MINUTE:
AFTER 10 MINUTES:
ignore that the word shore is red
AND AFTER ONE HOUR, THE FINISHED PRODUCT (is under the cut):
Some Queer Pirates in: Hungry Halloween Adventure
[A SHIP sails across the open ocean. It has been on the water for far too long and the crew is hungry and sick. They spot LAND.]
CREWMATEY: Yarr, there be land, lubbers!!
[Camera pans to two sad gay pirates in each other’s embrace. They look to where CREWMATEY is pointing and brighten up]
[The SHIP sails toward the shore, but it stops before it can reach the ISLAND. A large green VINE-LIKE TENTACLE bursts through the palm trees and reaches for the SHIP.]
CAP’N: Looks like this land’s puttin’ up a fight, lads. Give that big green heathen your all, Pappy needs solid land for his tai chi!
[The CREW fights the VINETACLE. They swing swords and light bombs. One PIRATE gets grabbed by the VINETACLE and is waved around. A snap is heard and the PIRATE stops struggling. The VINETACLE freezes for a moment, then speeds back to land.]
CAP’N: YARRRR! WHERE DOES THAT FOUL BEAST THINK IT’S TAKING PETER?!
[On the shore, EMERGENCY MEDICAL PERSONNEL rush to the unresponsive PETER. The VINETACLE lets go and allows the EMTS to do their work.]
CAP’N: Huh. ? ? ?!?!???!?!?!!? NO TIME TO QUESTION IT, LADS, WE MUST PUSH ON!
[The SHIP sails up to the shore and drops anchor. CREW disboards and rushes onto the land. A large PUMPKIN makes its way through the trees, pushing them aside with large VINETACLES.]
CAP’N: YAR, THE FIGHT’S NOT OVER!
[CAP’N points his cutlass at PUMPKIN.]
PUMPKIN: [corporate gay voice] Woah, woah, fun’s over, buddies. We’ve gotta take care of your friend over there. We don’t want a lawsuit on our hands, now, do we?
[CREW is fucking confused.]
PUMPKIN: Listen, I loved your commitment to the scene! [PUMPKIN gestures with his VINETACLES] We feed off of your energy and it makes the Halloween Island experience better for everyone! But we really nee-
CAP’N: Wait just a moment there, Gourdo. What do you mean, –
[PUMPKIN interrupts CAP’N this time.]
PUMPKIN: Are you calling me fat :(
CAP’N: What? No, no. Yer a gourd, right? Bein’ a pumpkin n’ all? It’s just a little nickname, I meant nothin’ mean by it.
PUMPKIN: Ok :(
CREWMATE: [whispering] Good save, Cap’n
CAP’N: [whispering] Thank you, thank you. [normal voice] What do you mean, Halloween Island?
PUMPKIN: You’ve heard of Easter Island, right?
CAP’N: Yeah?
PUMPKIN: Halloween Island.
CAP’N: That isn’t much of an explanation.
[EMTS wave down PUMPKIN]
PUMPKIN: I’m being called excuse me
[PUMPKIN rushes off. CAP’N crosses his arms]
CAP’N: Think this place is on Pirate Yelp?
CREWMATEY: Let me check my Pirate Phone.
CREWMATE: If it is, we should give it one Pirate Star! [He seems far too proud of this joke]
[CAP’N and CREWMATEY look at CREWMATE]
CREWMATEY: What is that?
CAP’N: You can’t just put the word “pirate” in front of something and expect it to make sense, lad.
[CREWMATE hangs his head dejectedly]
[Meanwhile, EMTS tell PUMPKIN that PETER is dead.]
PUMPKIN: Oh dear Gourd. They are so going to rate us one Pirate Star on Pirate Yelp.
[FADE TO BLACK]
[FADE TO EVERYONE DOING TAI CHI ON THE BEACH AS CREDITS ROLL. PETER’S CORPSE LIES LIMP ON THE GROUND]
Another Valentine's piece for @yarnican of her Janitor and everyone's favorite numbnut!
I couldn't just not make one the year after I called it a tradition
I am a trans man. This is something that has been apparent to me for years now, and something I have suspected (or, in a way, hoped for) for most of my life. I have always felt a joy in aligning myself with the masculine as opposed to the feminine. There are countless personal experiences I could point to in order to show you how I know I'm trans. If you're curious, I could do that. But, for what I aim to say here, I don't think that is necessary. What's important to know is that I like living as a man, being seen as a man, and it burdens me with a deep discomfort and practical disgust to be perceived as anything but.
I've made a sort of peace with my body. My face isn't something I'd consider to be pretty and I keep my hair short. Baggy clothes cover my chest and the rest of my body well. Most days, no one has any idea that I'm trans and simply see me as some boy picking up a gallon of milk. I'm happy that that's the case; I know many others aren't as lucky. I still have my share of reservations about my body, though. I am perfectly fine with being short (to the extent that I even celebrate it), but my chest, my hips, and my thighs bring me dysphoria. (Genitals are a different story that I'd rather not get into on the internet with strangers.) These parts of me are usually easy to ignore, but when I focus on them for too long, sadness overtakes me. I don't want to look like this. I want to be flat, boxy, small. The image of myself in my head doesn't align with what I see in the mirror, and it drags me down.
Another part of me says that cisgender men can have bodies like this, too, and that I shouldn't feel like any less of a man because of it. A third part says that curvy and top-heavy trans men are still men all the same and that stressing over it won't bring any good. As much as it feels good to listen to these voices, I still long for my ideal body. I long because it's a personal desire of mine to look that way, plain and simple. I also long, however, to make day-to-day public life to go smoother. I want people to mistake me for a girl less and call me "sir" and "young man" more; I'd prefer my body to read as a more convenient physical shorthand for manhood.
So, for the sake of my comfort and continued enjoyment of my time on this earth, I'd like to change how my body looks. One way to achieve this would be through the use of testosterone, which, on top of rearranging the stores of fat in my body, would also provide me with the welcome bonus of increased facial and body hair. I am also very interested in receiving top surgery to make my chest more masculine. It lifts my mood just to think of what my body would be like after these treatments, even moreso to know that there is a real possibility that they could be done.
The current climate around trans topics worries me. All I want is to live comfortably, but discussions about criminalizing transness have me fearing the worst. I don't want to force anything onto anyone, to limit or in any way alter anyone's speech, insert myself someplace where I'm endangering others or putting them at a disadvantage, or publicly indulge in a fetish. I'm a simple man with simple desires of a flat chest and he/him pronouns, but there's an army formed against me and people with similar stories.
I'm an American. I believe in freedom. A deep respect for the freedom of speech is something my dad has instilled in me from a young age and that freedom is something I'm thankful for. I believe that if someone wants to say something, they should be able to, and that if someone wants to do something, given that it doesn't bring harm to anyone else (or their property, etc.), they should be able to do it.
There are gray areas that come with that idea, yes, but those are outside the scope of this discussion. What I want to address here are procedures that improve a person's quality of life, procedures like gender-affirming surgery. If this so-called "mutilation" is as bad as some would say, why are so many people happier for having undergone it? Should consenting adults really be kept from personal pursuits like top or bottom surgery? Cis people get cosmetic surgeries all the time, but I don't see the public uproar about those procedures being mutilation. I would also like to ask, what does it matter to you whether someone's genitals could cause or support a pregnancy? The decision to raise a child is a very personal one, and I don't think the general public's ideas need to hold much weight in a potential-parent-to-be's decision making process. If someone is okay with the fact that their body may not work as before and will have visible scars, I think they should be completely within their right to have a surgery or take hormones.
I'd like to revisit the topic of free speech. Someone speaking about their experiences and feelings in their body and about their gender should not be considered pornographic. The average conversation about trans people in no way serves to provide sexual stimulation. Topics regarding genitals and sex should not be confused with explicit content; sex ed is taught in schools, isn't it? Education on these topics is important for many reasons and can prevent unwanted, painful, and dangerous situations. Conversations about transness are simply a dialogue about people's experiences, often with the intention of educating their audience. Given that they aren't intended to get the audience off, they are not porn. People living their lives is not porn. Transness isn't porn.
It deeply concerns me to see people misconstruing what it means to be trans and trying to limits trans healthcare and voices. I have hope for the future, but recent discourse has buried that under a layer of anxieties.
I'm just a boy, sitting at his laptop, worrying about if he's going to have to live with B-cups for the next ten years of his life. Being vocal about issues like this is important. This is how change happens.
The conditions were just so that I decided it was about time I write this. This is my first time posting something like this, but I don't think it'll be my last. Let's keep this conversation going, and let's make this country and this world a place we're happy to call home.
ellievsbear
izzy806
annaxmalina
andulkaphoto
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2087
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