OKAY FRIENDS SINCE YOU LIKE HEARING ABOUT 13 YEAR OLDS GETTING OWNED LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT ONE OF MY GREATEST ACHIEVEMENTS SO FAR AS AN EMPLOYEE OF GAMESTOP.
It was spring 2014, early in the week. Pretty sure it was a Tuesday, but itâs been awhile. It was so dead in our store, I hadnât seen anyone in over 40 minutes. Eventually, in comes this mom and we start chatting. She said she was here to buy her son a game he wanted, Grand Theft Auto 5, and could I help her find it?
Now, Iâm sure many of you are aware how awful Grand Theft Auto 5 is in terms of violence, gore, and sexism. But in case you donât, the Grand Theft Auto series has always been one of the most violent series that you can buy in stores. The very first GTA was banned in Brazil and condemned in several countries, GTA 5 has a graphic torture scene that is player initiated. GTA: San Andreas had the Hot Coffee scandal which happened in 2004 when modders found unused code in the game for a sex minigame that was player controlled. And thatâs only the beginning of the controversies surrounding the GTA series (click here to read more! X X X X X X X )
Anyways, back to me and the Mom. Who will now be referred to as Mom because she is that awesome. Since I was behind the counter I pulled a copy of GTA 5 from backstock and started ringing her up while making polite chitchat, the usual cashier stuff. But everything changed when I asked for her ID because of the M rating. At first Mom replied, âOh sure thing let me grab it.â And started digging in her purse. But then what I said registered with her and she paused and looked at me.
âM rating? What does that mean?â
âOh GTA 5 is rated M for violence, gore, bad language, and other stuffâ. I wonât bore you with the whole spiel I go into when Iâm asked about the M rating but basically I just explain why the game is rated M, what the M rating means, and that they can go on ESRB.org to see why it got that rating.Â
So I tell Mom about the website and she whips out her cell phone and gets on the site and starts reading. And she got MAD. She starts telling me about how her son knows she doesnât like this sort of game and how he is going to be in so much trouble because he knows better than to ask for this sort of thing as she doesnât tolerate this in her house. And he is so grounded for thinking he could get away with this. Then, Mom looked me in the eye and asked me to look up several other games for her to see if heâd done this with any other games.
âYea sure thing, which games would you like me to look up?â
âI can already tell you without looking that Bioshock 2 is rated M.â
âMY CHILD IS SO GROUNDED FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR. What about the first Bioshock?â
âYep, thatâs also rated M.â
âOH MY GOSH, what about Gears of War?â
âThat entire series is rated M.â
To spare yâall from another 10 rounds of that, basically take every popular M rated title from the last 5 years and insert them in the above dialogue.Â
Eventually, Mom says âOh my gosh, you must think me a horrible parent. I canât believe I let him have those games.â
âMaâam, I donât think that at all. The fact that youâre concerned about this tells me that you are a good parent. And just so you know instead of throwing out those games youâre more than welcome to trade them in here and get some store credit or cash back for them.â
âReally? Iâll have to do that, I donât want him playing those games anymore.â
âYea, we also take gaming consoles, iphones, and tablets too!â
âOh thatâs wonderful! Thank you for being so patient with me and telling me all about this. Iâm going home and to go through his gaming collection right now!â
And off she went, leaving me bored till I finally got to leave for the night.Â
BUT THATâS NOT THE END. THIS IS WHEN SHIT GETS AWESOME.
The next day Iâm working again, bored out of my goddamn mind. Thereâs only so many times you can alphabetize the store before going insane. As Iâm looking out the window I see a car pull up and Mom hops out and then pulls out two huge duffel bags and walks in.
âHey welcome back to Gamestop! What can I help you with!â
âOh Iâm so glad youâre here! So last night I went through my sonâs game collection and most of them are rated M! So I decided to teach him a lesson about why you donât lie to your mother. Seeing as I bought him these consoles and most of the games were bought with my money, his game consoles and games actually belong to me. Therefore, I would like to trade in all this.â And proceeds to pull out his XBox 360, PS3, and every game he had for both consoles (over 50!) as well all the extra controllers and headsets he had.Â
âAbsolutely.â I will never forget her smile when she said this nor the look in her eye. This is not a woman to be crossed.
So I traded everything in and she got back over $300 in store credit for everything. And with it she bought a Wii, a couple extra controllers, and a couple games rated E. Then she looked me in the eye and asked if we had any extra boxes laying around for the XBox One and if so could she have one?
âAre you going to put the Wii in it and give it to him?âÂ
âYes. Along with a note saying that this is what happens when you abuse the trust of your mother. Iâm going to make sure this never happens again.â It is at this point that Mom ascended to God Tier status with all Gamestop employees falling to their knees for a chance to bask in her glory.Â
I got her an XBox One box and sent her on her way after asking her to take the survey on the receipt.Â
âOh of course dear, youâve been such a big help. Let me write down your name so I donât forget it.â
âOf course! Iâm Lexi, but if your son asks my name is Deegan.â (Deegan was my storeâs manager at the time.Â
And then she left, leaving me with the best trade numbers of the month and the greatest story Iâll likely ever be apart of at GameStop. Mom, I never got your name, but you are my personal Gamestop Hero.
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