RavenMoon

A blog about my life

[ravens-life]

Melody A.M. by Royksopp- 2001

This album by far is my absolute favorite. I remember hearing this on an old commercial of Geico like a long time ago when I was just nearly about 2 or so years old. It was the caveman in the airport commercial. It was playing remind me royksopp. an absolute masterpiece.

[ravens-life]

An update

So recently I moved out of my parent's for the very first time and let me just say; it's a lil scary. But I very much enjoy it. I do find it harder for me to reach out to friends and even family at times. I barely have the energy. I have no energy even for concerts too. I am currently in therapy and working through a lot of it all. But otherwise life is decent. I recently lost my cousin Eddie. He treated me more like a niece or daughter than a cousin. That side of the family treats me better than my bio Dad's. The McCollum's side treats me more like a human. I think that's why I struggle so much with his passing.

I hated not being there to see my family or say a proper goodbye. But I did over text before he couldn't talk anymore. I got enough closure then too. I absolutely love my family.

[ravens-life]

My Christmas with Adam was amazing! We spent it together for the first time in a year and a half. We both got some kick ass gifts.

Adam got me some Demonias, new clothes, socks, etc. My favorite gift of all was this card he got me. He wrote,

"My love, you are everything to me. I can't express how happy I am that you are in my life, I can't tell you how deep my love has always been for you. We are meant to be. your eyes, your smile, your kindness, your thoughtfulness, you truly are beautiful. We connect on so many different levels unlike anyone else. I LOVE YOU. - Adam."

Of all the gifts he got me this is by far my favorite. It had me tearing up. Adam and I, mind you this, he and I have gone through a lot together. So this meant everything to me. Something I will cherish forever.

I got Adam some new jewelry and a Gojira hoodie. The Gojira hoodie still has yet to get here though....

But I am very happy to have him in my life. I love the guy.

Christmas was better this year than last and that makes me very happy.

I hope to anyone reading this had a decent christmas. Remember how absolutely loved you are.

[ravens-life]

Work life- A better outlook on life.

I work for an amazing company in Nebraska. I work for a gym and it is just wonderful. The owner is a very cool guy. He's what you would consider a feminist. He has made sure that we do not deal with shit costumers. We are allowed to stand up for ourselves without consequences. Soon Pay is going to be upped from $12 an hour to $16 an hour. I am beyond excited. I'd say it's better to work for smaller businesses than to work for a corporate money hungry company. The owner cares so much about people. He's not money hungry at all and enjoys his job and what he does. It's so nice working for a company that is so driven to make the work environment wonderful.

[ravens-life]

me with my favorite cousin's on my mom's dad's side of da family.

2 summers ago

[ravens-life]

About my relationship with Adam

How we met:

We met when he was in the 3rd grade and I was in 4th. We grew up a few blocks from each other. Me always initiating a friendship and or close bond was hard because he was so shy. Home life for me was rough so I never got the opportunity to be even closer to Adam when we were kids because my ex stepdad would heavily sexualize boy and girl friendships. It was the weirdest thing and super creepy.

Anytime we were on the playground kids were always really mean to him. I would always shoo them away or stand up for him.

Anytime his mom would walk him to and from school I would always tell Adam hi. His Mom remembers me too which is even cooler.

During middle school I started changing into my own person. I went from Emo to Goth. I'm not sure he knew how to handle that. He was very quiet and did not talk to me. Thought he hated me. But in all reality he was just extremely intimidated by me. He was into videogames. Not music at the time.

During my sophomore year of high school he and I started dating. We dated for about a good 10 months or so until I got tired of his immaturity and lack of understanding. I went and dated this guy named Johnny he ended up cheating on me.

I later on went back to Adam. I don't remember how long we dated. But things were really bad after a while. It got toxic. We started screaming and fighting. We would insult each other and everything.

When I was 17 Adam and I weren't careful enough and I was pregnant for maybe a good 3 weeks? I ended up miscarrying really bad. I couldn't tell a soul. Not up until this year and some people and my family wouldn't believe or were in shock.

During the ending of our relationship then it was horrible for both of us. He was neglecting me emotionally, would send pics of half naked chicks. We were inexperienced with s3x at the time and I would partake and not be sober during and consented to it while he stayed sober. I consented. People I was friends with tried to accuse him of a VERY serious word. If I thought it was Rap3 I would've said it and would have never gotten back with him. Sure after the breakup it seemed a little icky but I never said it was that word. People who know me understand that I am always honest and open as a book. What you see is what you get. People who tried accusing me of accusing Adam are pathetic. Just remember, if people try to skew your experiences and accuse someone of something that isn't true they already hated them in the first place.

Adam and I broke up on father's day because I chose to be petty.

But I was very reasonably upset.

Later down the line he got with a girl named Tobias who ended up telling me to delete myself from existence knowing I would try. She also cheated on Adam with a guy from Chicago or Cali I don't remember. She is a very dangerous person. It's sad.

She was ALWAYS obsessed with me knowing she could never be me as a lot of people could observe.

In August of last year I dated a guy from Illinois. I met him through an app called Turn up. At first he seemed open and honest. He lied to me about a lot and even his ex before me. His mom is absolutely horrible and is very rude. She would hold it over my head that she had him young. Told me not to ruin "HIS" life. Like wow, thanks. What about my life???

Dating him was exhausting. He wouldn't even socialize with my parents. It made me mad. I made all the effort to talk to his. He would make me choose between my then full time job I worked for at the time or choose him. He was never honest with me. He made me look like an asshole just because he didn't clearly communicate his feelings acting like it was all okay.

He and I broke up a year later. He tried to tell his friends I was a shit gf yet I did a lot for him.

Adam and I got back together late August early September 2024.

We are a lot happier this time.

I'm working on bettering my mental health, getting diagnosed with bi-polar, getting a car, and moving out.

Adam is working on getting a new job in trades.

We have had a few tiffs but it's worked out great. I love him. Always will.

People stopped being friends with me because they didn't understand. MY answer is, it happened in highschool. I am friends with my old middleschool bullies for f's sake.

People are too bitter and will hold onto grudges if they want.

Nobody stays an asshole forever. It's your choice to forgive.

It's very rare I give people chances anymore. IF it happened during or before highschool I will give chances. People deserve grace at times depending on what it is.

Author's note: I will be sharing the most sensitive topics and good stuff too along with the bad. My goal is to share that life isn't always sunshine and rainbows. You have to roll with the punches.

[ravens-life]

Hoping for a better xmas this year.

Last year was a little rough. Though I thought my long distance relationship was true, apparently it was not. Anyways,

I feel xmas wasn't the same without my current partner with whom I have been off and on with since 2020. We would spend every holiday together. Last year I spent it with someone who truly drained me. After finding out how he never communicated with me truthfully it felt like an entire lie. He one time tried to make me choose between my then full time job and him. Wasn't happening. (long distance guy... not Adam)

I'm very grateful to be with someone who genuinely cares about me and has a drive to work hard. Adam and I haven't always had a good relationship in the past. We fought a lot, got pregnant at 17, miscarried and I told no one. Not up until this year. I didn't even tell him.

Adam and I have been able to work through a lot together with struggles. I love him very much so. I never stopped. I am very ready to spend christmas again with him. It feels the circle feels full and the void is gone. You ever hear of the twin flame theory?

Yeah. It feels like it is. Took me forever to realize it. Lots of running lots of chasing.

Christmas this year will be amazing.

I feel complete.

The whole twin flame thing just makes sense. I try to involve myself with someone different and it just never feels right.

[ravens-life]

About this page: What my goals are

This account was created in order to express who I am and to share my life (not just the positives in life but also the downs).

My goal is to help others feel less alone and to connect with others.

For a long while people have suggested I write a blog about my life past and current experiences.

That's the plan!

[ravens-life]

About Me summary:

I was born and raised in NE, (March 2005)  From the time I was a new born until I was about 4 or 5 years old. 

Moved to , IA from that time until I was 16. 

I then moved to NE in 2021 to escape an abusive and explosive home life that almost caused my mom into considering ending her life. So I asked my now Stepfather to save us. (more about him and our situation later in the blog. 

I was always a very creative kid growing up, always seemed to have issues fitting in. Even in early elementary school. Kids would always exclude me or mistreat me. The only person that I truly felt I fit in with during that time in early childhood years  was my now boyfriend Adam Wilson (Referenced later in the blog and our story.) 

I grew up on metal and was always surrounded by musicians, goths, punks, and of course metalheads. My Mom and Stepdad were always doing something with music. Always did music. I went to many of their shows. So I was always exposed to that side of life. I had such a creative upbringing. My Mom is also an artist. She was always drawing and painting since I can remember.

I had a rough upbringing though. Shelly my Bio dad was always in and out of my life. He was always cheating on my mom or abusing her when I was a very little child. We thought all of that emotional distress and mistreatment would come to an end then. My mom would Drive for a now closed down personal limo service company. She would pick up hours as a second job. She was working for both safelite and the limo service when she and Shelly were together at the time. Trying to keep us under a roof. She and Jim ended up dating and things went really well at the time. When I had turned about 9 years old things went downhill from there. 

it lasted from then until I was 16. 

We escaped in the summer of 2021. My current stepdad has been amazing. 

Homelife has been amazing since then.  

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