made w love’

4evrlost

[raveszn]

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ welcome to my blog! im rave and im 21!

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ i’m black and 🇯🇲

Interested in me ᶻ 𝘇 𐰁

Rules!

Works!

m.list is always updated!! MDNI Request: Closed¡

backup acc: @xoravexo

✮⋆˙ this is a 18+ blog pls have your age on your account when interacting!!

© 2026 raveszn on Tumblr . All rights reserved. Do Not feed my works into AI.

[raveszn]

Green Light!

It's simple really, you hate how much of a man slut Sukuna is and he hates how much of a spoiled stuck up rich girl you are. Well that is until you're paired up for a project and he realizes his " hate" for you is really just his underlining feelings and he'll do anything to make you his. Even if it means taking you from Hiromi.

Author note: This is a written fic and a smau. I wanted to make this for my black girls specifically because lately when i read jjk smaus that include pictures it's never inclusive and thats very annoying. I shouldn't have to dig through tumblr for a smau to include different skin colors so I made one! I'll add warnings when needed as well.

Pairings: Rich Lawyer Hiromi x Rich Nerdy sorority y/n x "bully" Frat Sukuna

Including: Shoko, Yuki, Utahime, Gojo, Geto, Toji, and Choso

I Pledge Allegiance to all bad bitches!

Frat House plus Hiromi

I

II

III

Taglist: @afrodisiiac @leiceed @st4rlit-sk13s @starzgirlforthefics @mossinae @lonelierthanu @jennrypan @theyluvvaera @ejk31 @ppixienous

[raveszn]

Green Light!

It's simple really, you hate how much of a man slut Sukuna is and he hates how much of a spoiled stuck up rich girl you are. Well that is until you're paired up for a project and he realizes his " hate" for you is really just his underlining feelings and he'll do anything to make you his. Even if it means taking you from Hiromi.

Frat House!

Masterlist

[raveszn]

Green Light!

It's simple really, you hate how much of a man slut Sukuna is and he hates how much of a spoiled stuck up rich girl you are. Well that is until you're paired up for a project and he realizes his " hate" for you is really just his underlining feelings and he'll do anything to make you his. Even if it means taking you from Hiromi.

I Pledge allegiance to all bad bitches!

Masterlist

[raveszn]

Green Light!

It's simple really, you hate how much of a man slut Sukuna is and he hates how much of a spoiled stuck up rich girl you are. Well that is until you're paired up for a project and he realizes his " hate" for you is really just his underlining feelings and he'll do anything to make you his. Even if it means taking you from Hiromi.

Author note: This is a written fic and a smau. I wanted to make this for my black girls specifically because lately when i read jjk smaus that include pictures it's never inclusive and thats very annoying. I shouldn't have to dig through tumblr for a smau to include different skin colors so I made one! I'll add warnings when needed as well.

Pairings: Rich Lawyer Hiromi x Rich Nerdy sorority y/n x "bully" Frat Sukuna

Including: Shoko, Yuki, Utahime, Gojo, Geto, Toji, and Choso

I Pledge Allegiance to all bad bitches!

Frat House plus Hiromi

I

II

III

Taglist: @afrodisiiac @leiceed @st4rlit-sk13s @starzgirlforthefics @mossinae @lonelierthanu @jennrypan @theyluvvaera @ejk31 @ppixienous

[purrtoru]

satoru loves listening to you, especially when your lips are against his. . .

the room is quiet enough that every little sound feels louder than it should— the soft rustle of blankets, and the tiny laugh that escapes you when satoru steals another kiss before you even finish your sentence.

“you know,” you mumble against his lips. “you should really listen to me right now.”

“i’m listening,” he replies, barely pulling away. his lips brush yours with every word. “you said i’m handsome.”

“i definitely didn’t.”

“no? must’ve imagined it.”

you roll your eyes, though he can’t really see it from how close you are. your noses bump together, and he smiles before giving you another slow, lazy kiss.

“you interrupted me again,” you say.

“m’sorry.. keep talking, sweetheart.”

another kiss.

“i’m trying to tell you,” you whisper, your lips still resting against his. “that we need groceries.”

“we’ll figure something out,” he hums thoughtfully, his breath warm against your face.

“i doubt it, you big back.”

“you’re so mean to me.”

you laugh, the sound breaking into another kiss because satoru seems physically incapable of letting more than a few seconds pass without stealing one.

“kissing me until i forget what i was saying?”

“…is it working?” he muses.

you pause. “…maybe.”

“i know you‘re enjoying yourself,” he says softly, brushing his lips over yours again. “you haven‘t pulled away yet.”

“seems like i’ve made questionable life choices.”

he gasps dramatically, though his smile gives him away.

“oh? dating me is questionable?”

“sometimes.”

another kiss.

“when you leave your socks everywhere.”

mwah.

“when you eat all my snacks.”

mwah.

“when you—”

he kisses you longer that time, lingering just enough that you forget where your complaint is going.

“…see?” he murmurs.

“you are so annoying.”

“but?”

“but…” you smile. “you’re very cute.”

his grin is immediate, and he kisses the corner of your mouth

“what do you want for dinner?” you ask.

“hmm…” he pretends to think hard, his forehead resting against yours. “you.”

“oh my god,” you groan. “you’ve been waiting to say that, haven’t you?”

“maybe.” he grins into the next kiss.

“you should be embarrassed.”

“can’t hear your mean remarks when you’re this close.”

your lips meet in soft, absent-minded kisses between tiny conversations about nothing at all. whether the laundry is finished, whether the weather looks nice tomorrow, or how his teaching is going.

“toru—” kiss. “—how am I supposed to—” another kiss. “—focus?”

“why’d you need to?” his smile softens into something quieter, gentler than his usual teasing grin.

“…we still need groceries.”

“tomorrow,” he insists.

“tomorrow,” you give in.

[bellalalie]

toji's so pussywhipped he wants to marry you! (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

18+ mdni! based on this req

✶⋆.˚

what’s gotten into him? i mean, it’s been hours and he can’t seem to pull out away.

“c’mon princess, keep those eyes open for me.” he groaned above you, rutting into you with smooth, long, and languid strokes.  

you’d never heard him so desperate before, and right now, I don’t think you could even process that.

it’s been hours, a blur of positions, and countless creampies. right now, he’s got you on your side with your thigh wrapping around the front of his waist. god, could he even be any deeper?

yes. yes he can. 

“‘ji...ngh…i can’t anymore..hic! t-too s-sensitive now…” you practically pawed at him, leg flailing briefly before his veiny, deft hand wrapped around the meat of your thigh. flawlessly, toji hoists your leg further up to rest on his shoulder, his wide tip kissing your womb over and over.

“aww, but pussy’s telling me otherwise, princess. she wants it deeper ’n harder, right? right, princess?” he mocked, his tone pitched up to a teasing lilt, while briefly speaking to your throbbing and gushy pussy. he stared down at you with a shit-eating grin plastered across his scarred lip as he purposely leaned down closer to you, to angle to hips better. he groans like a bitch and you can’t get enough.

“fuck. look up at me baby? eyes on mine c’mon, yes, look- there’s my pretty girl. hi baby.” he chuckled deeply, head tilting to the side, lips barely brushing yours to tease. 

"haah... still so fuckin tight, princess.” toji rasped, completely arched over you, sweaty forehead resting on yours. both of your legs were now thrown over his shoulders and bent into a mean mating press. your mind was too mushy to realize this change in position, each thrust pushing all other thoughts out of your silly cockdrunk mind.

he tried to keep a steady pace, he really did. but by god how your walls fluttered and pulsed around him was trap he had no desire of escaping.

it wasn't enough to just be inside you anymore. he needed something permanent.

his hips began to stutter. “fuck, baby…” he managed to pant out, uttering a desperate and breathless laugh. his gaze dropped down to your hands clawing at his biceps, branding his skin with your nails.

"pussy so good, gonna put a ring on your finger, doll.” he panted out breathlessly, just barely falling off the tip of his tongue as his thrusts increased in speed and rhythm. “i mean it, princess.” 

your chest heaved, a breathless gasp caught in the back of your throat, eyes widening and watering. your cheeks grew even hotter and burned a cute crimson as your walls convulsed around his girth, so tight, that toji whined. you buried your face into the pillow whimpering out a broken, pathetic sound as a slick thread of saliva dribbled down your chin. toji smirked, chuckling beneath his breath. “fuuuuck yeah you want that too, don’t you, princess?"

toji’s hand slithered from your collarbone, over your breast, alllll the way down to your lower belly. his palm slowly pressed down on your tummy, forcing you to feel the bulge of his cock...as if you hadn’t already.

“you want everyone to know you belong to a piece of shit like me, huh?” he taunted, getting off on the self-degradation.  

"show me how bad you want that ring, ma. milk me for it. i know you can clench harder f’me- yeaahh...there you go, f-fuck…” he threw his head back and closed his eyes shut, his scarred lip twitching as he started driving into you wildly.  

“yeahhh….my girl wants me to lock her down and make her stay with me forever, huh? maybe even put a baby in you if you’re that much of a slut.”

"'t-toji please....please i-i want it!" you begged, arms wrapped around him and clinging onto his back. that's all he needed to hear. he let out a breathy, ruined laugh against your lips, finally claiming them in a messy kiss. with one last push, toji let out a pathetic, strained whine as he poured another heavy creampie into you. he now hunched over you, panting in tandem and into your hair, his heaving chest mirroring yours. his hand came up to cup your jaw lovingly, thumb wiping the drool from your lip with a certain gentleness that proved his devotion. it was true- you had him in the palm of your hand. and judging by the desperate look in his eyes, he was already planning the ring to match.

✶⋆.˚

THIS TOOK FOREVER IM SORRY but i hope this satisfies your cravings ദ്ദി◝ ⩊ ◜.ᐟ reblogs and comments highly appreciated and encouraged! inbox is open!

taglist! m.list!

queen: @meli555

[sugurusbeloved]

18+ turns out, your roommate sukuna isn't as invisible as you think he is.

you had spent months consumed by one specific tumblr blog. their content was poetic enough, but it was the descriptions that piqued your interest like no other. the shameless details of a cock, the placement of thick veins, and the vivid, flushed colour of swollen flesh whenever it hardened.

it was so graphic that you would spend half your night clutching your phone under the covers with a burning face while reading the exact same paragraph over and over. you just could not stop wondering what sort of person possessed such a filthy language, or who on earth they were using as a reference.

in ridiculous contrast, your actual domestic life was a total dead end. your roommate sukuna was a shadowy guy who spent almost every waking hour walled up inside his bedroom. whenever you tried to carve out some sort of normal rapport, he would just grunt, scowl, and retreat deep into his room like a sullen dog.

it was super infuriating, mostly because he owned the broad shoulders, bulky form, and lethal face that belonged on the cover of the very stories you drooled over. he was the walking, breathing blueprint of every fictional character you got off to. only if he weren't so dense when it came to romance...

---

getting back to the dorm an hour earlier than ordinary, you padded quietly down the hall, quickly noticing the narrow gap in your roommate's door as a soft line of light spilled out. under normal circumstances, you would have marched straight to your room; sukuna was the type to bite your head off for merely existing in his line of sight, and you really didn't need another round of his sharp, contemptuous glares.

but curiosity was a stubborn thing. shifting your heels carefully so the wood beneath your socks would not creak, you pressed close to the wall, tilting your head until your vision lined up with the crack. it took a second for your eyes to focus through the sliver, and the sight waiting inside made your eyes snap wide with pure disbelief.

sukuna was sitting on his bed, trackpants dragged down past his knees, naked from the waist down. his ruby eyes were locked downward in intense concentration, studying his own fully erect cock as it stood thick between his meaty thighs.

he gave it a languid stroke, softly brushing his thumb against the red, puffy tip as he lightly tickled the sensitive flesh to register how the skin moved, fathoming every miniscule sensation. then, without faltering his tempo, his free hand reached for his laptop to type feverishly into an open document.

a tiny manoeuvre from him brought the monitor your view, and there it was. the distinct dark theme, the header image, and the exact layout of your favourite blog sitting right on his screen. the literary god you lusted over late at night was the same brooding dickhead who would not even answer your texts. as the shock settled, you gradually pulled back to act like this never happened, but the floorboards betrayed you by giving a teensy creak under your feet.

at the subtle sound, the rapid clatter of his keyboard came to a halt. yet, sukuna didn't panic or scramble to pull up his trousers. instead, his head cocked toward the crack in the door, watching you with that intense gaze as you struggled to draw even a proper breath.

"you've been watching?"

rather than shutting the laptop, he hooked his pointer finger in a silent gesture, beckoning you into the room while his other hand slowly stroked himself once more.

i think i'm gonna delete this in 3 hours

[t0jisbunny]

riding toji’s abs ꒰♡

toji x fem!reader, praise, dirty talk, (brief) face sitting, orgasm, established relationship… based on this request

you’re sat innocently on toji’s lap, straddling him as you play-fight before calling it a night. he’s laid flat against the bed, upper body completely bare.

you’re giggling as toji lets you feel like you have power over him, reaching for a pillow beside you to smack him with.

just as you reach over, you shift upwards, clothed clit catching against one of the ridges of toji’s rock-solid abs. the gasp you let out caught your boyfriend’s attention almost immediately.

"that feel nice, princess?" he teases, smirking at how you try to play it off like it had no effect on you.

like your panties weren’t beginning to soak.

"i don’t know what you’re talking about," you lie, desperately trying to ignore the blush creeping up your face — attempting to slide off his body.

toji hums, voice low and gravelly, large hands darting out to pin you right back down where he wants you. "that right?"

he rolls your hips forward, clit gliding against his abs once more. you let out a breathy moan, refusing to look at your boyfriend out of pure embarrassment.

"yeah, that’s what i thought," he grins, continuing to grind you against his abs, your slick beginning to seep through your panties to the thin layer of your cotton shorts.

you begin to roll your hips back and forth without toji’s help, mouth gaped wide open at the overwhelming pleasure.

toji hooks his fingers under the waistband of your shorts, tugging them down along with your panties — "let’s take these off, yeah?" you shift to the side so he can shimmy them off, retaking your place on his abs.

your boyfriend takes in the sight of your wet, glistening cunt, brushing his thumb over your aching clit. "cmere, doll. put this pretty lil’ cunt back on my abs."

you sink back down, rubbing your folds against him again, sticky strings of your slick connecting your skin against his. "mmnn, feels s’good — fuck, you moan.

each rock of your hips, every brush of your clit against his abs, had you growing needier — more desperate. the fact that toji was watching you so intensely only made you closer to orgasm.

"keep goin’, baby, making me so fuckin’ hard watching you get off on me," he purrs, tongue darting out to wet his suddenly dry lips.

you begin to move faster, practically humping him like a bitch in heat, moaning pathetically.

"can feel that pretty clit throbbin’ against me, fuckkk—" toji continues, his filthy words spurring you on. your hips twitch, body involuntarily chasing orgasm. "tojiiii," you whine, "m’so close."

"gooooddd girl, almost there," toji encourages, cock aching painfully in his pants the longer he watches you.

another minute passes, moans spilling from you like a broken faucet, thighs shaking as you reach your peak. "m’cumming, ohmygod—" you mewl.

toji talks you through it, whispering sweet praise with that low, seductive voice of his, groaning as you release all over him. you pant rapidly, chest heaving as you collapse against him. "made such a mess on me, huh?" toji teases.

you nod as he lifts you effortlessly into his face, slurping up the sticky mess coating your pussy, humming contently. you whimper from overstimulation as he sucks your sensitive clit into his mouth, releasing it with a wet pop.

"mm, not done with you yet," he purrs, suddenly flipping you over and positioning you under him. "not even close."

more like this

[purrtoru]

helping toji work out always gets a little distracting. . .

“c’mon, you gotta count, doll.”

toji’s lying flat on the floor, hands behind his head as he starts another set of crunches. you’re sitting comfortably on his hips to keep him in place, but you’re clearly not taking your job very seriously.

every time he sits up, instead of calling out the next number, you lean in and give him a quick kiss.

“that was… um…” you mumble, tapping your chin like you’re actually thinking. “three? no… wait— four?”

he comes up again— another kiss.

“you forgot already?” he says, clicking his tongue after.

“…maybe.”

another crunch. another kiss.

he smirks, finally catching on.

“you’re not even trying to help me work out here.”

“i am!”

“nice try.” he raises a brow. “you’ve had me on the same rep for two minutes.”

you try your hardest to look innocent, but the smile on your face gives you away.

“i just keep losing count..”

“mhm.”

he comes up again, stopping just inches from your face before you can steal another kiss.

“if you want a kiss,” he says, that smug grin spreading further across his face, “you just ask, hm?”

“but this is more fun..” you pout.

he sighs, but one hand settles on your waist.

“fine.”

this time, he leans in first, stealing a kiss before dropping back down.

“…now count for real.”

“one..” you start counting again.

he sits up again— you kiss him.

“…one,” you repeat.

toji just looks at you for a second before letting out a laugh.

“…we’re gonna be here all day, aren’t we?”

[nezuscribe]

world cup au with gojo and he's a player for japan's national team but you literally dont keep up with sports or anything and you get stuck on an elevator with him and the hotel the team is in and you get to talking and he's like yeah i play football and you're like ohhh cool and then you go to swap instas and you're like wait why do you have 40 million followers??

[chososprettygirl]

⡴ gym teacher!sukuna has an embarrassingly known crush on school nurse!reader

lowkey wanna turn this into a full oneshot

if he heard one more twelve year old’s squeaky voice whispering to one another, saying he’s ‘got a crush on the school nurse’ he swears he’s gonna write up the whole grade.

god, it’s even worse when one of the eighth grade girls come up to him when he’s on lunch duty.

“mr., mr. ! did you know the nurse mentioned she likes tall guys when i went into her room for a tylenol !”

“what does that have to do with me ?” he grumbles, scrunching his face while the girl and her friend stare up at him.

“well everyone knows you like like her—”

“GO SIT DOWN!”

he swears the whole lunchroom conveniently goes quiet when he yells that as the girls squirm away back to their tables and start whispering around gossip.

and even worse than the girls that draw hearts around you and sukuna’s staff photos next to eachother in the main office, he’s got gojo. gojo, who ships you two and nags him like worse-than a middle school girl. gojo, who shoves you two together for any school event.

“what game do you have planned for tomorrow?” you ask, leaning over to whisper to sukuna as eighth grade awards are called for each subject, timing claps inbetween your words while names are called. you smirk, “how many kids am i gonna have sent my way next time?”

“just dodgeball.” he leans down to whisper flatly against your ear, still staring down a kid giggling in the seating rows of the auditorium and effectively getting him to stop with his gaze.

“your version of dodgeball is basically to the death, i might have to have paramedics in my room on standby.” you joke, turning to smile at him so sweetly. in his mind, this counts as him making you laugh and therefore counts as a win.

he chuckles lightly, just a quick huff of his chest, but essentially the hardest he can laugh if he’s not looking at a kid getting tackled in class. “these kids will toughen up eventually, i am just teaching them to do it early.”

“were you a weak kid that needed to toughen up? i can really only picture you as a big scary dude.”

“i was actually a severely malnourished child due to my mothers impoverished state during her pregnancy.“ he says, truly not realizing how solemn he sounds in his voice even as he means it as a light hearted jest.

you blink at him, face contorted in confusion and awkwardness. he wants to hit himself.

the only thing that saves him from not saying anything stupid again is the end of the assembly, marked by gojo yelling into a megaphone and for kids to round up by homeroom.

the following week he’s still embarrassed to even look you in the eyes. he’s mulling over how stupid he must’ve looked infront of you while sifting through the equipment closet.

he hears steps echo throughout the currently empty gym before he yells out.

“gojo i’m not covering your lunch break, fuck off—” he turns around to not see the usual suspect he finds during his free period. instead, he sees you, leaning against the door in scrubs and white coat clinging to your body. he stills in his motion.

you speak before he can (if he can speak at all in his embarrassed state).

“i understand the confusion, he bothers me all the time too.” you dismiss, smiling at him with your glossed lips he probably thinks about hourly. waitwaitwait, gojo talks to you all the time ? he’s going to kill that lanky fuck. “just wanted to drop these off for yuri in your next period.” you jostle around a pill bottle in your hand, “she can get fainty on gym days so give these to her just in case to help prevent that.” he knows it’s your job and all, but your concern is honestly kinda cute.

“uhh yeah i’ll be sure to.” he nods, right as you drop the bottle on top of a stack of rubber cones by the door before you walk out. and he would just like it to be known he definitely didn’t stare at your ass as you left.

and he typically makes it easier for himself to deny how down bad he is to you, but now, after you spent a week of saved up sick days out last week, he’s kind of craving your voice. so who can blame him when he calls his 6th grade nephew into his office while he’s supposed to be at lunch.

“look, kid. i’m going to need you to do something, and i’m gonna need you to not be annoying about it, kay?”

yuji furrows his brows, fiddling with the strings of his hoodie.

“you,” he gestures to his nephew, “are going to act like you collapsed and let me bring you up to the school nurse. you are then going to be quiet when i talk to her.”

“is it cause you have a crush on her—”

sukuna tenses before cutting him off.

“do a good job acting and i will consider buying you that human earthworm blu-ray. do you hear me, brat?”

yuji’s eyes light up at the mention of the dvd.

“is this impression good enough then?” yuji leans and clutches at his side in fake fatigue while moaning dramatically for help, then immediately straightens up with a smile like he’s waiting for a rating. sukuna shakes his head and genuinely wonders how he’s related to this—in sukuna’s words— pea brained doofus.

he dials your number on his offices phone, sitting tense in his chair while he shh’s yuji. yuji nods and salutes as sukuna continues to roll his eyes.

yuji could’ve sworn he saw him smile when you pick up. he continues to watch sukuna fiddle with the curled wire of the phone as he explains yuji’s apparently dire situation. he can just barely hear the muffled sound of you saying ‘just bring him up and i’ll check him out.” over the speaker of the phone before sukuna hangs up and fixes his hair.

sukuna walks out the door and desperately tries to ignore yuji’s terrible post fainting impression behind him as his nephew follows his step to your room.

just before they step into your room he whispers to yuji as he leans over.

“if you can bring up me being single i’ll take you out for ice cream, brat.”

ignore typos i was too lazy to fix any

[tophollands]

HANGING OUT TO DRY PT 2

fratboy!gojo x f!reader

notes: WOW WOW WOW! I've been out of town so im sooo sorry for taking so long to update and leaving u guys hanging! i was not expecting that much engagement AT ALL SO THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH! but im also super duper nervous bc im not crazy about this one :') so a little nervous it might not meet expectations</3. Also might have lied about a different ending- we shall see but i took so long with this i didn't want to make u guys wait any longer so sorry if it wasnt what you wanted! also hope you guys don't think reader is too big of a cry baby, she's just sad and in love:( 

warnings: angst and heartbreak, comfort, happy ending (eye roll jkjk), reader and gojo not taking care of them selves, self neglect for sure, cursing, mentions of throw up and alcohol, um um, reader and gojo basically just existing and hating life

Credit to @uzmacchiato for the divider!!

For weeks, the old but familiar cycle repeated. The dreaded feeling that you would never be able to shake off seemed to follow you wherever you went, no matter what path you followed in life, no matter who you met. 

You stayed cooped up in your apartment, finding a temporary solace in the four walls. They wouldn't speak, wouldn't judge you for wallowing in your emotions and crying yourself sick. 

The ache in your heart never seemed to subside. It was persistent, constantly reminding you of everything you tried so hard to forget.

You so badly wanted to prove to yourself that you were stronger than this, wanted to walk into class the following week with your head held high and pretend that you were just fine- even if it was just pretend.

But you couldn't. 

Everything felt so incredibly difficult and brutal. Time taunted you, moving in slow motion yet simultaneously in the blink of an eye, sunrises transitioning into sunsets while you spent your days in bed drained of energy and dreaming of cerulean blue eyes.

Body, mind and soul feeling as if they were weighed down with cinder blocks and you were drowning.

Your heart had been completely shattered, broken into a million fragments and the idea of healing felt akin to finding a needle in a hay sack. Hopeless. Futile. Impossible. A puzzle with too many missing pieces.

Your mind was the worst, the temporary comfort exactly that. No where felt safe, the four walls turning into nothing but a tool to only make you feel more suffocated. 

You could go anywhere to escape gojo, but you could never escape yourself.

Never escape the way you replayed the words he spoke to his friends, the way he looked at you, the way he cried, or the way he told you that he was in love with you.

Everytime you shut your eyes, his would find you.

You started skipping your classes after that, started skipping everything actually. Daily little walks to clear your mind, little coffee pick me ups, meals- it all ended. You were a shell of a person now, unable to put back together your own pieces.

No. Gojo had really taken a toll on you, really pushed you past a limit you didn't know existed.

And the worst part of it all was that you were still in love with him, still missed him and the way he'd distract you in class or grab your hand just to drag you somewhere while you playfully put up a fight. The way his stupid blue eyes seemed to light up at you just the way yours did at him. The way he made you feel.

And it was brutal, unnecessarily ruthless the way your mind plagued you when you thought of his lips and the night he kissed you. So cool, yet boyish and slightly clumsy as if gojo too was nervous, as if he truly didn't want to mess it up.

But each time your mind cursed you with a perfect little memory, it was shut down with the images from that night. 

You had stumbled home after, purely driven by your grief induced rage, vision blurred from the tears that were constantly filling your eyes and painting your cheeks. 

But arriving home to your lonely apartment was no better. Throwing up alone snotty, sweaty, and gross was absolutely horrible- and ignoring the messages and phone calls that bombarded your phone was nearly impossible. 

The alcohol settled further into your bones and your drunkenness multiplied but you didn't have the guts to block him just yet- torturing yourself further when you began to listen to the voicemails he left while you desperately clung to the sides of your toilet sobbing and hurling.

You ignored them of course, sloppily brushing your teeth and crawling on top of your sheets, drunkenly throwing off your clothes but not caring to wash the make up off your face or the gravel fully out of your palms. 

Then you proceeded to sob so hard you had to throw up again until finally you cried yourself to sleep. And when you woke up with swollen eyes, a scratchy throat and a pounding headache, praying with all your might that it was a nightmare, you realized it wasn't, your sober self having to go through the entire cycle again of processing what had happened, the heart break, the humiliation- everything. 

You were slow to block his number, tormenting yourself the few days after that night as you religiously watched his texts flood in, spamming you with apologies and this and that and the ways he would change and loved you and wanted you and it was masochistic and everything you never hoped for and why couldn't you tear your eyes away? Why did knowing what he had done to you make it no less harder to think about him?

Being vulnerable and desperate with a visceral want to be loved angered you far more than he ever could. 

And still, you let yourself think of him lovingly and kindly, and there, because god you would be a liar if you said you didn't miss him and everything he was, and the way he smelled and smiled and existed. 

And still, losing Satoru felt like the only light in your life had been snuffed out, and you didn't care if it was pathetic because it was so undeniably painful and true and ignoring that fact would be a lie through gritting teeth. 

You wanted to hate him. You knew you couldn't.

And amongst your tears of self loathing and hatred, you cursed the way you loved so loudly and deeply. The most twisted thing of it all.

With him blocked, your phone was dead silent. The quiet was loud. 

You weren't sure how long you stayed in bed after that. Always exhausted as soon as you woke up feeling void of life that the white haired boy had given you. merely reduced to an organism that could only breathe.

But with timing and the world so happily on your side, you were gifted with finals and exams during your period of heartbreak, the ultimate stake in your heart. Your grades had already plummeted from your lack of attendance and half assed assignments and despite spending the last few weeks wallowing in your self pity instead of studying, you knew the least you could do was at least show up to the final exams- even if he would be there. 

Rubbing your eyes with a sniffle, you forced your body to move, willing every deteriorated muscle to act. to put on clothes that weren't pajamas and to try and behave like a normal functioning being.

There was no motivation, but a small determination to take a step out of your apartment for the first time in who knows when. 

You'd walk to the library, distract yourself with studying- spend the remainder of the week drowning yourself in work to pass your finals just enough so that you'd still pass all your classes and when that was over, you’d let yourself suffocate in the thought of him all over again, but for now- you had to do this.

Throwing on a hoodie that was not his- why would he have given you so many t-shirts and hoodies if you were just a bet, was he just expecting to ask for them back after he pranked you?- you begrudgingly readied yourself to the bare minimum, yanking the door open to begin your dreaded walk.

Eyebrows furrowing in confusion, your eyes landed on a handful of envelopes that laid on your doormat- slightly dirtied and weathered and you wondered just how long they'd been sitting there.

You shakily exhaled, nerves bubbling in your throat as trembling fingers picked up a total of at least five envelopes, all bare save for your name simply written in the middle of each, all in different handwriting. You looked around, retreating back into your apartment to hastily rip them open, curiosity getting the better of you as you were unsure of what person (multiple people?) you knew who were writing you letters and leaving them at your door step.

You pulled out the first letter, concentration written on your face as you scanned it over, not reading the content yet but just staring in pure confusion and then- 

Your jaw felt slightly slack, eyes widening. You opened the next, and the next and the next, words unread but eyes falling on all the separate letters from Gojo and his friends and frat brothers. All written lengthy apologies from Gojo, Geto, Sukuna, Fushiguro, a couple other names you didn't know but must have been involved with the bet.

Your fingers clutched the papers, catching certain paragraphs and biting your lip to once again hold tears back.

-didn't even know who you were and we did that to you. Guess thats why we felt like we could do it, as fucked up as that sounds. Gojo’s making us all write these apology letters to you and I hate saying sorry, but I am- we are all sorry. We’re just a bunch of assholes who thought it would be fun to fuck around with him and I guess you too, so yeah. Im sorry for being a part of it and hurting you, even if ive never talked to you. And wow that sounds really bad. Also, Gojo was telling the truth even though he lied at the party, another brother really did grab your gifts from him to throw it away, but tbh those cookies looked really good so I was gonna grab the container after anyways but asshole gojo got to it first. What type of cookies were those? Do you think-

You rolled your eyes automatically, hurriedly glancing away from sukuna’s letter to skim fushiguros.

-frat pres is so fucking annoying and gojos up there too. Sorry for hurting your feelings, we really did just want to fuck around and did think it was funny but damn I actually feel bad. So I'm sorry for that. It wasn't as funny as we thought. Think you could forgive his annoying ass and make some more cookies? Fucker grabbed the container before-

Then geto’s.

-Y/n I'm sorry that I was kind to your face and then let this happen behind your back. And not just let it happen but participated. You have always been a very nice girl and we took advantage of who you were for a laugh, and I swear to you that no one is laughing. You didn't deserve any of that and we don't deserve any of your kindness or forgiveness. I know I have no right to say, but Ive never seen Satoru like this and ive known him for years. I promise you that the bet was not his idea, that he shouldn't have gone along with it of course but none of us were thinking, we didn't know that you would be you-

You angrily huffed, tossing the letters onto your counter and refusing to read the rest of them and certainly not Gojos. Why did it matter if it wasn't his idea? Okay so what if he didn't throw your things out and was planning on getting them after, he still- you slammed your eyes shut, throat beginning to burn as tears welled up in your eyes.

He still did it, still said all that shit in front of everybody. Still lied to your face even when he was supposedly in love with you.

“Fuck you gojo,” you whispered to yourself, annoyingly wiping away the wetness in your eyes with the back of your palm. His letter remained unopened on the counter practically begging for you to read it and like every action did now, it took everything in you to leave it and walk out the door 

The trek to the library was uneventful, slow and quiet as you pushed forward with anger in your veins. Your face was concealed by your overly large hood and headphones, staring at the cracks in the sidewalk.

“Y/n.”

You froze on instinct, ice shooting through your veins as your body betrayed you, the entrance of the library laid just up ahead taunting and laughing.

Prickles of heat stabbed alongside your neck and the saliva in your mouth grew sticky and gelatinous, hard to swallow as you attempted to focus on breathing in through your nose, out through your mouth. 

“y/n,” the familiar tone that you had once loved, spoke the syllables of your name so softly, so light you hoped you had imagined it. So much emotion laced through and over and around the word that you never wanted to hear it again.

But that would be too easy on you, a too great display of mercy casted onto you by the universe.

You braced yourself, slowly turning and unintentionally, your mouth gaped, gaze landing on a very disheveled sick looking gojo who looked every bit like a heartbroken boy. You clearly weren't the only one skipping meals.

The words landed in an instant without thought, claws out, nails sharp.

 “Leave me alone,” you spat, making your break for the library but his hand caught your wrist in a gentle but firm hold, electricity shooting up your arm and you screamed to yourself to ignore it, that it wasn't what you thought.

“Please, please y/n, I know i don't deserve it but just give me a minute-”

“For what? Think you can get in my pants that quick and win your stupid bet? I don't want anything to do with you.” The words burned as you spewed the hate and spat venom, so unlike you and it only served to anger you more. You didn't feel any better being mean to him, didn't feel good or victorious watching the features on his pretty and now sunken in face contort into hurt. 

Fuck, it only hurt you more. Only made you want to take it back. Teeth tore into your bottom lip, eyes diverting anywhere but at him. But you didn't move. Let him grip you and hold your wrist, and you hated the familiarity and comfort that came with the touch. You were pitiful.

“How did you even know I'd be here?” the question flew from your lips before you could properly think about it, eyes focusing on the bob of his throat as he swallowed.

“I.. I didn't. You haven't been in lecture a-and I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable by showing up at y-yours.. I’ve just been,” Gojo glanced away for a brief second, pale skin flushing a pretty pink. “I’ve been waiting outside the library everyday in case… in case you'd come.” 

Your mouth opened, then shut, unable to find the words to respond to his unexpected statement you only thought could be a bluff. Another lie just to get you to forgive him. “For what, three weeks?”

He nodded, hesitant and shy, as if the fact might annoy you, looking anything but like the notorious campus fratboy and instead so childish. “Im so sorry y/n. Please, can we talk? Do you want coffee? I'm so sorry, I miss- I miss you so much, I feel like i c-cant function with out you and I meant it, I'm so in love with you-”

“Gojo.” You stopped him, fingers curling in on themselves to painfully dig into your palms, to try and ground yourself with anything but what could only be deceitful words.

His voice was breaking, hoarse and gravely as if he'd been crying too, rambling the words out like he knew you were about to leave him and he only had a few seconds to say what he needed to but he couldn't- there wasn't enough time to for him to tell you how sorry he was, not enough hours in this lifetime for him to prove how guilty he felt, or how desperately he begged to take it all back. He was a mess, and anybody could see. He knew it wasnt about him and his feelings, knew and deserved the pain he felt after what he did to you, but fuck he couldn't eat. Couldn't do much more than you.

He kept spamming your number with texts, hoping the green would turn to blue, kept ringing your number. Kept going to lecture in case there was a chance he might see you. But fuck if he didn't look and feel like shit. 

“Don't. say. that-”

“But it's true y/n, i love you, i cant stop thinking about you, I wish i could take it all back, It wasn't a bet anymore it was real- it was all real,” Gojo spoke voice shaking and adamant, the first sign of his old spark making a display.

If there was anything he was unyielding about, it was his attempt at making it known to you that his love for you was real. “Y-you don't need to love me back thats-thats okay, just know I love you. I love you-”

“Stop saying that!” You seethed, eyes watering as he kept repeating the phrase that made you feel physically ill, like you might just vomit if he spoke the lie again. It didn't matter. None of it mattered if he loved you and you loved him, it didn't matter anymore. You shook off his grip that you had forgotten was on you, abruptly turning to make your way inside as you kept your head down, praying your tears wouldn't fall just yet. 

“Did you get the letters?” He called out from behind you. 

You paused, refusing to turn, grinding your molars, feeling like shit and thinking of a final blow that could hurt him. You wanted him to hurt. You didn't want to hurt him. You wanted him to hurt. You didn't want to hurt him. Who was this person you were becoming? 

“Fuck your letters. It's basic empathy that you all feel bad. You'll never come close to understanding how I feel,” and in the reflection of the building's glass windows, you watched the way his shoulders slumped, the way his head dropped to his chest in defeat, ruffled white hair strewn all over the place.

For once, the bright boy looked exceptionally dull, clad in a now too big black hoodie and sweats, radiant blue eyes fizzed out into a soft blue, pale undereyes now decorated with large purple bags. 

You bit your tongue wanting nothing more than to tell him you didn't mean it, that you did- but not quite like that. Wanted to run your fingers through his hair and undercut, over his sharp and perfect features and accept his apology, get some food in him and make sure he got a proper night's rest. 

Your chin wobbled, lips trembling, mind deceiving you and urging you to just turn back and look at him. There was nothing you wanted more than to give in, every synapse firing telling you to just do it. 

you sped forward before your body could betray you once more, beelining it to the women's restroom where you could freely sob, heart breaking all over again as you hurt the boy you loved back. Knowing he deserved it did nothing to soothe you. You loved him too much.

Gojo respected your distance. For the time being at the library.

When you walked out hours later, sun long gone and campus streetlights projecting soft yellow glows as the quiet hum of the outdoors enveloped you, you felt somewhat successful. At least you had tried. 

You would have sped walked home, if not for the familiar head of hair that poked out from under a black hood. Gojo, on the bench, outside the library. 

You scoffed lightly to yourself, preparing to book it past him before he noticed it was you, but what didn't go unnoticed by him? He was always oddly infuriatingly attentive to everything, which would have been great if.. Well.

“W-wait, y/n! Are you- are you hungry, did you eat? You were in there for hours and-”

His voice was a catalyst to your anger. You spun to face him, ready to chew him out, patience long gone. Gojo, bothersome and persistent and maddening and beautiful, already walking towards you, already there. 

“Really Gojo? Haven't you done enough? Was lying to my face not enough that you have to keep following me around and messing with me? I don't- I don't care okay? I just want you to leave me alone, please. What don't you get? Your game is over, so please, stop doing this, the prize cannot be that good,” Your edge was sharp and frustrated, emotions bubbling over like a perfectly planned volcanic eruption as the words stumbled out of you. 

“Yes,” the words tore from him just as frustrated, just as hopeless, hands running through his white strands in an attempt to ground himself, to gather his thoughts. “Yes, the bet- the game whatever- it's all over- been over, and yes,” he pleaded, hands reaching out towards you but you quickly stepped back avoiding his touch, ignoring the hurt that flashed across his face. “Yes, I've done enough- but I can't, I won't stop telling you i love you, please believe me-”

Rage fizzed up inside of you, bringing your palms up to shove at his chest, just as you had done that night. It was infuriating, it was aggravating, being taunted by something- someone you wanted so bad yet couldn't have, by someone who was so close yet needed to be kept at arms length.

“Ugh! You don't love me Gojo!” You spoke over him, ignoring the persistent nod of his head as the words I do Im so in love you I do tumbled from his clearly overbitten red lips. “You don't- don't do what you did to someone you like, let alone love!” your voice broke, staring at him incredulously. “I liked you so much. Don't you get that?” The end of the sentence wasn't hastily spewed anymore, it was slow but urgent, a plea for him to understand the severity at which he hurt you.

“Y-you guys purposefully picked me, because- because you knew that i was a loner and had no friends o-or whatever, and still, you dragged me along, made me- made me fall in lo-” a choked noise cut you off and you whipped your head to the side to break eye contact, not wanting him to see the pain you were in, not wanting to be weak before him. It felt like a humiliation ritual all over again. 

You inhaled a deep breath, swallowing to ease the tightness of your throat, to blink back the wetness in your eyes. “Each day you saw me, you went back to your friends and knew what you were doing, while the entire time, I thought- I thought I was just lucky, that finally- maybe I deserved something good, t-that maybe I did deserve someone as good as you.”

Gojo stayed silent absorbing your words, street lights reflecting in the glossiness of his eyes. His chest rose and fell rapidly, jaw muscle twitching every second. For once, he didn't interrupt you, just listened to the damage he knew he had done. 

“And then I was so excited to see you- I didn't care if it was a party or if your friends were there I just- I just wanted to see you,” you sighed, briefly shutting your eyes to work up the courage to say what made you feel so sick, so unwanted. “And then there you were in front of everybody, b-because, again, you're someone! Everyone wants to be near you! And you just-” your breath hitched as you relived the scene, could physically feel your heart plummet all over again and the shudder that racked through your body as you pictured him standing there. 

Your shoulders dropped as you loudly exhaled, unable to say the words aloud that replayed in your head and kept you up at night. “Everybody wants to be around you, or talk to you, o-or be friends with you Gojo. You don't know what it's like to have never had that, and then to hear the guy you lo- the guy you like- speak so…” you groaned, hands momentarily covering your eyes and throwing your head back in embarrassment. “Like I'm just- just this thing, like I don't have actual feelings, I just,” you paused before finally meeting his eyes again, all wide and starry, glassy and beautiful with tears. “I just can't get it out of my head.”

Silence hung around the both of you as the two of you stood mere feet away, imperfect yet perfect reflections of the other. Both completely hurt and devastated, both torn and beaten down for the same reasons yet not at all. It would be easy to forgive and forget, so easy. Especially when he stood with all his glory looking so unwell and defeated but of course, so frustratingly perfect even at the worst times. Even when he was wrong and felt so right..

Your tongue ran along the back of your teeth, poking the inside of your cheek as you waited, unsure for what. 

“I am so sorry, y/n,” he whispered, a tear breaking tension and dropping down his cheek. 

You sniffled, nodded, staring.

“I know,” you whispered, and walked by him, stifling the sobs that threatened to burst out of you

When you woke the next morning, you were once again faced with the fact that you would not be spared from the clutches of gojo who was seemingly intent on making it very clear that getting over him would be the most difficult task. ever. 

There were dozens of flowers outside your door, a sign of gojo's unfortunate persistence and dedication. You cursed him, convincing yourself that you were bringing them inside for just a moment before you'd shove them in the trash. 

But they were spider lilys, your favorite and so hard to find. 

You racked your brain for how he knew, chalking it up to a lucky guess. but then your memory, ever so cruel, reminded you. Flashed you the thought of how you had once told him in an off handed random conversation months ago… 

and he had just… remembered? 

You rolled your eyes, willing the thought away, willing him out of your head and somewhere far far away, but your hands were already moving, already filling a vase- several vases with water. He didn't have to know you kept them. They were just flowers. Just your favorites. 

It didn't mean anything, and it certainly didn't mean you were any closer to forgiving him. 

Gojo didn't show at the library for the remainder of the week. Not that you noticed. Not that you cared. 

More goodies had mysteriously shown up on your doorstep, ranging from coffee with the words “I love you,” written in sharpie on the plastic or breakfast from your favorite diner (more apologies written on the bag that you refused to read) to the matcha dragon jellycat with a pink bow on the head, that you had absolutely no idea how he knew you'd been wanting- or how he was able to get his hands on it considering it'd been sold out for months. 

You kept it of course, not wanting to punish the stuffed animal for his actions, but your forgiveness would not be bought. You were surprised he at least had the composure and maturity to not bang on your door.

It was the last night before finals, and it was just your luck that it was pouring furiously as you stepped out of the library at two in the morning. You worriedly stood under the awning in almost pitch black darkness, the campus streetlights doing little to nothing to illuminate what would be a horrible walk back as you watched every single tree bend over backwards from the sheer amount of wind force.

You groaned, nervously chewing on your thumb nail as you racked your brain on what you could possibly do, so past exhausted and wanting nothing more than to call it quits and climb into your bed. 

“Hey.”

You gasped, eyebrows shooting up your forehead and whipping around to see what potential threat might be facing you, surprisingly visibly relaxing when your eyes landed on none other than gojo. Of course.

A hand raised to clutch the fabric over your heart, exhaling in relief when you realized you weren't about to get kidnapped.

“Holy shit you scared me,” you breathed, moreso to yourself than him, fear catching you off guard for a moment that you didn't immediately curse at him. You didn't say more, letting the thunder and pitter patter of the rain fill the heavy silence, didn't ask what he was doing there.

Gojo stood awkward, almost out of place. Hand in his pocket and other lightly gripping around the handle of an umbrella that went clearly unused by him. Damp strands of snow white hair stuck to his forehead and wet clothes clung to his body. He looked so pretty just standing under the awnings flickering lights, eyes somewhat unfocused but glued on you, and you had to force yourself to look away, could practically feel the blush creeping up your neck at how pretty he looked. 

It seemed as if your body would continue to betray you.

“Can I take you home?” He asked softly, cerulean eyes filled with a glimmer of hope shining at you.

“Nope. It's fine, I can wait. I'm sure it'll be done soon.” blunt and final. Gojo's heart raced at the lack of venom as if it was a sign. Sure you were uninterested, but you didn't immediately tell him to leave you alone. It meant absolutely nothing, yet to him it meant everything- meant light at the end of a tunnel, a stray getting a taste of food after having been starved. His heart raced in his chest, words catching in his throat. He could play it cool, not beg, not repeat himself over and over again like he'd been doing, just try to do enough yet not too much to just get you with him for a few minutes one more time.

“It's after 2 y/n, we've got our final tomorrow and it's pouring. I know you're tired, just let me take you home. Please.”

You rolled your eyes to yourself, exhaling and contemplating his words in your head, cursing every upper power for their unwillingness to toss you a bone. 

Do you suffer for the ten minute car ride and get home and go to sleep, or wait here for lord knows how long to just sprint home, maybe get caught in the rain anyways with all your papers and laptop in your bag in the pitch black- you groaned quietly. It was a no brainer.

“This means nothing. I'm serious, Gojo.”

The smallest of smiles creeped on his features, the corner of his lips turning up ever so slightly, and along with one of the prettiest grins you've ever seen came the embarrassingly increasing pounding of your broken heart. You regretted it as soon as he stepped closer, hating the way he made you fluster even after shattering your heart.

“Come on, I'm parked this way,” and right away his free hand reached for the strap of your bag, tugging it down your arm and slinging it over his shoulder, opening the umbrella and positioning it directly over your head before guiding you out into the rain. You opened your mouth in protest, but he was too fast, ultimately deciding to just keep your mouth shut to get it all over with. 

The two of you sped walked in the rain, dodging puddles to the best of your abilities and your heart ached painfully at what could have been. The moment was mocking, undeniably sweet. 

An unintentional squeal shot out of your mouth when a particular violent gush of wind suddenly sent the umbrella inside out, both of you getting momentarily soaked- or well, mainly just you. Gojo didn't fit under, choosing to just hold it over you and was already looking like he had jumped in a pool.

You couldn't hold back the bubble of laughter that rolled out of you watching gojo curse and spew apologies at you getting wet as he frantically tried to fix the umbrella. His curses turned into chuckles and as soon as it was fixed, the laughter died down into awkward silence, your cheeks burning and a new wave of sadness crashing as the two of you walked side by side. You knew this was a bad idea.

He opened the passenger side of his far too fancy car, a small murmured “thank you,” reluctantly falling past your lips as you watched him run to his side, blasting the heater once situated. For a beat, you both said nothing, sitting in the idling car while a tsunami stormed around you.

He cleared his throat. “Are you warm enough?”

“Yes.”

“Good, good, that's good.” He spoke too fast, sounded too eager. The car stayed parked, Gojo flexing his fingers in his lap, adams apple bobbing as he nervously swallowed. Fuck was he neverous? He didn't want to fuck this up- okay well he was already so past that, he didn't want to fuck things up more, which surely by now would just be impossible. He's just missed you so, so much, still pathetically texting your number everyday incase he wasnt blocked anymore, racking his brain for any other way to show you he's sorry and means it, that he-

“Gojo.”

“Yes?” He's immediately swiveling his head towards you, thoughts interrupted, eyes wide and mouth gaped at what you might say. The yes sounds more like a plea than anything, a beg for you to talk. You spoke to him and it didn't sound like you were going to curse him, what is it what is it what is it??

“Take me home.”

His shoulders deflated, embarrassment creeping up his neck and hope now a mere fleeting thought. What was he thinking?

“Right! Um- yes sorry, of course, my bad,” He mentally cursed at how awkward he was acting and fuck if it didn't sting, but it was everything and more that he deserved.

No music, no talking, just the white noise of the rain and occasional clap of thunder, mixed in with the heat blasting from the vents. He parked outside your apartment building, mustering the courage to try and speak before you could escape. He had ten minutes to think, to scrounge up anything and suddenly his mind was entirely blank except for just you. Just you looking far too pretty exhausted and wet at two am, sitting in his car, right in front of him. Was this real? Was he imagining you?

You spoke first, already unbuckling your seatbelt, eyes staring straight through the windshield. “No more flowers. No more gifts. No more anything. This-” you motioned between yourself and gojo. “Whatever this is- was- no more. Done. Thank you for driving me home, but no more.”

The words burned as you forced them out, every thought in your mind telling you nononono. 

“T-theyre from uh, they're not just from me, from the guys too, I'm telling you y/n, I’m sorry- we are all really sorry,” Gojo whispered, entire body turned towards you in case he'd be lucky enough to catch a glimpse of your eyes. You were so close, yet so far away, and he had no one to blame but himself. 

“I don't care who they're from, that's-thats not the point, okay?” Your voice raised, tone laced with frustration and annoyance. How could you possibly get over him if he was just so damn persistent? Why did he have to try so fucking hard? “Just leave me alone-”

“I cant y/n, I cant. I- I tried, I've tried to respect your words and give you distance but I can't okay?” He knew he was being pathetic, but he just didn't have it in him to care anymore.

“I physically fucking hurt, and I know, It will never compare to how you feel- to what I did to you but fuck-”  his features were contorted into a pained look that you had never seen before, never wanted to see in the first place. 

You faced him, regret taking hold of every action and thought as you could practically feel the want to give in increase more and more. The look of distraught, the anguish, everything that should have never touched him completely coated him and you had to dig your fingers into your pants to keep from reaching out. You internally begged for him to stop, to just stop fucking speaking, to stop making you think and think and think. But when has Gojo ever stopped?? 

“I can't stop thinking about you, you're my first thought in the morning and last thought at n-night- I.. I cant function without you and I miss you so so much, just please- please you're all I think about and I mean it when i say it was real, it was all real- Fuck, it never and i mean it never felt like a joke or some bet, I knew I was fucked as soon as I started talking to you- I liked you and and I fucking love you- like theres, theres this physical constricting in my chest when I think about you, when I think about how much I love you and- and,” Gojos head dropped to his chest, voice cracking and fingers curling into the fabric near his chest as if he was experiencing that ache, spewing the words so hastily he could only pray he was making sense.

He inhaled a deep breath, some lousy attempt at collecting his thoughts, raising his head to find your eyes on him, wide and glossy, nostrils flaring from the intensity of your breathing. 

You were so beyond overwhelmed, unsure of what to do, what to say, if you should zone him out or listen, but it hurt and it hurt so much that you knew no amount of lying to yourself or to him would numb the agonizing ache in your chest.

“You don't have to love me. You don't have to forgive me, but please, just let me try. Ill spend the rest of my life making it up to you, but fuck Y/N, i have never felt this before. W-When I look at you- m-my brain just does this, this weird numbing thing like its just a buzz, l-like i cant think at all, I just- i just see you and,” he frustratingly ran his fingers through his wet strands, fingers pulling and tugging on the edge as anxiety and exasperation coursed through him.

“Fuck im just so in love you,” his voice broke, pitch uneven and scratchy.

A tear streaked down his pale skin, and you sharply inhaled to hide your own. You could try to be strong, try to deny what you felt for him and pretend like you didn't need him, but you weren't exempt from the ache in your heart at his admission, couldn't just let his words roll off you like they didn't mean anything, when they meant everything, couldn't ignore the way he loved you when you loved him.

The entire situation was so fucked, such a dumb fucking cliche.

“I-I know my letter wasn't enough, that an explanation or guilt won't fix anything, that gifts don't mean anything” you stayed silent, didn't tell him you hadn't actually read his letter yet, that you couldn't. “but-but I just- I just need you- need to try to fix what I fucked up. You're so, so perfect,” he whispered the last sentence to himself, gaze dropping.

He was the one who did all of this, but you wouldn't be the only one to suffer.

You shakily breathed, praying your voice didn't come out as broken and fragile as you were, that he wouldn't be able to see your tell. So many things you wanted to say, wanted to ask. You couldn't open that door, desperately wishing you could find closure in disclosure.

“Thanks for the ride, gojo.” a faint whisper, the only response you gifted him. You slammed open the door, grabbing your bag and running out into the rain towards your apartment building, thankful that it was so loud it hid your cries and wails. You didn't turn around, knowing you'd only go back at the sight of him falling apart, knowing the exact feeling of something that was so in reach completely and helplessly fall through your hands. It was torturous watching what used to be your ray of sunshine completely lose its spark and turn into something so hurt and defeated. Two sides of the same coin. What perfect reflections of each other. 

The class was quiet when you arrived bright and early the next morning, murmurs and whispers of questions floating around students silently panicking as they anticipated the material on the exam. Sleep was futile, mind filled with endless thoughts of gojo, and when you finally drifted off into the lull between consciousness and sleep, your dreams taunted you of him. Showed you small glimpses of a hand held in yours, messy white hair splayed on your lap, a pretty smile that made your mind go dumb. You didn't need to see his face to know it was him.

When you woke, eyes wet and sadness heavy in your chest, you couldn't have cared less about your exam, only wanting it to be over so you could resume rotting in your heartbreak. 

But of course, Gojo being Gojo through and through, you found a coffee placed at your usual spot in lecture, “good luck, you're going to ace this!” and a heart once again written sloppily in his handwriting. Huffing, you discreetly scanned the room, finding his ruffled locks on the opposite side alone, looking equally as shitty and unwell. You rolled your eyes to yourself, blocking him out and eager to get the exam over with.

You half expected Gojo to storm after you once the exam was over, dismissing the small part of you that almost wished he had. No you didn't.

Slamming open your apartment door and throwing off your bag, the action happened before you could even second guess, fingers whipping out your phone to quickly unblock his contact telling yourself it was just to look, just to get a small peak.

You'll just block it after again, just one quick look wouldn't hurt right?

Your jaw dropped, hundreds of texts flooding your phone as you watched every single one pop up one after another after another- approximately over four weeks worth and Jesus, he was really not lying when he told you still texted your number, still spammed it. 

Texts from that night, good morning texts, ‘i love you’s,’ ‘im sorry’s,’ a photo of your digimon keychain on his back pack and then of a digimon shirt and poster in his room with the caption “I love digimon so much I love your keychain”, your sticky note on his wall mirror, a photo of the empty cookies “so fucking good, let the guys have only one except for the fuck face that tossed em”, a photo of the exact frat member that tossed them with evident bruising on his face, “I didn't do it fushiguro and kuna did swear- they loved the cookies btw”, photos of flowers that reminded him of you, just more and more texts spilling his guts, telling you he loved you.

Holy shit. 

You gritted your teeth. You should have never unblocked him, mind filled with so many thoughts and nothing at once you weren't sure if you were processing anything. You definitely weren't breathing.

Fuck it.

Phone carelessly tossed somewhere, you moved to tear open his letter, harshly biting your lip in anticipation, eyes widening at the multiple pages he had written and two smaller pieces of rectangular paper falling out that you paid no mind to yet. 

You scanned the letter first, eyes rapidly going through each line only managing to digest certain sentences.

-so embarrassingly insecure that i never had any real friends, people that only used me for my family's status or wealth or just to get something out of me ever since i was kid. I didn't think anybody would actually want anything to do with me unless i had something to give-

-got to college and it was the same. Felt like no liked me for me. Always felt like i was left out of a joke or just didn't understand, thought i was weird and just had really bad social cues or something like that. Joined the frat for some brotherly “love” and it only got worse from there. I hated it, but i had something along the lines of friends for once and i had never had that before and wow this is really embarrassing-

-they were all assholes and at first i was just playing along. It was fun to feel like I fit in. it was never anything bad, never hurt anyone until you, never made any sorts of bets about anything, i swear. I'm only mentioning this because I know you'd never want anyone to go through this. You're so selfless, so kind-

-frat president came up with the idea of the bet and i gave in and i don't say that placing the blame on him or on anyone else. It's 100% all my fault and I never should have accepted it. When he brought it up, almost the entire frat was in the room and they all looked at me like if i didn't agree id be the loser i used to be. There's nothing I wouldn't give to take this back. To be looked at like a loser or nobody again if it meant I could have you back. I didn't think, didn't know who you were yet, which is not an excuse at all. It just made it easier to say yes when i didn't know-

-kuna and fushiguro didn't give a fuck. Are they assholes? Absolutely. But at least they are to everybody. Geto was against it all but we didn't care enough clearly to stop, we just kept playing along with the pres just because we could. Just because he could. Honestly don't even know what the prize was, I just accepted it that day. I didn't think about it.-

-he wanted to see if i could get you in bed with me, being the campus fuckboy and all. I know there's no reason for you to believe me at all, no reason to take my word for it. But I never would have gone that far. You think I'm lying and you have every right to, but I never. Never would have done that to you. Im a disgusting idiot, but not that evil-

-started to like you. Started to fall in love with you. Frat president was weirdly on our asses about it (yeah weird, fushiguros, kuna, and geto too?? Me i get, but i think he knew i was insecure and wanted to fit in, knew i had actually started to get along with those few guys and wanted to fuck me over even more having us all wrapped up in it, and dumbly enough i played along- we all did) and everytime i looked a little too happy or giddy or genuine after being with you he’d remind me of the bet. Remind me it wasn't real. I know, I am the biggest pussy ever. What kind of guy takes shit from someone like that? Who even cares?-

-dates were real. You were real. To me. I could nerd out with you and you'd laugh, join in with me even on the dumb things I liked that you didn't know existed. Just listen to me and watch me like I deserved your attention, like I deserved you and how good you were. And then I'd go back to the house and I was furious. Too pussy to officially end the bet to his face but knew I'd only keep going back to you. I never would've stopped once it was technically over because you werent some fuck ass bet to me, you were everything. I'd be so mad and accidentally end up taking it  out on you, being rude and indifferent so that maybe you would get fed up with me and end whatever we had going on. That you realized I was never worth your time or good enough for you, but you never did. You kept looking at me like I meant something, kept giving me more chances than I ever deserved. And I took advantage of all of it. I wanted you so bad.-

-realized i turned into one of those assholes i always hated. Had no one to humble or put me in my place anymore and I hated what I saw in the mirror. Used to shit on people like me then i turned into one of the most vile people ever-

-but fuck i couldn't stay away from you. Told myself I'd end things with you just so that in some twisted way I could protect you from me, from the people I hung around. Anything but actually change huh?-

-they felt pretty shitty too so made them all write apology letters to you. I promised I wouldn't read them so if they're ass then I am really sorry about that. Told them to use their big boy brains and that maybe I'd let them try one of your cookies. I really did get them back-

-worst thing I've ever done in my life. Watching you look at me like that in the hall way gutted me and i stood there like some fucking cocky asshole but all i could think about was how were too good for me. Too kind, too genuine. Literally the personification of sunshine. I felt sick, thought it i was cold enough you might tell me to fuck off but you didn't. You never did and i hate myself-

-a brother threw them in the trash when i got back from class, i swear, all the guys saw, i swear. Said i was looking a little too happy, a little too old to be excited over the coolest fucking digimon keychain ive ever seen in my life. I was gonna grab them as soon as he left but then prep for the party started and this and that and i was gonna wait until after the party. I didn't care if there was junk all over it, I was gonna grab the keychain and the cookies (still in the container okay so it was fine, I'm not that gross and they looked amazing) and end the bet with him.-

-didn't even realize how much time had gone by. Every moment was so real and genuine with you all i wanted was you-

-that fucking night. I invited you of course I did and naturally, was shitting bricks. Prettiest girl I'd ever laid my eyes on was coming to our party and I was so excited. Didn't think of the bet, just wanted you there, wanted to see you. Frat pres kept handing me drinks, passing me blunts, and i didn't say no. just kept drinking and smoking and was so fucked up. Got in front of them and he started riling me up, started shit talking the gifts you got me and how funny the idea was. Everybody looked at me and like the desperate loser I am, started spewing shit, started spewing hate. Just wanted to make everybody laugh just to feel fucking better about myself for a split second. Just to feel like i fit right in with them-

-saw you. Saw how beautiful and out of this world you looked even while you cried. I am a coward. I'm pathetic. I knew i was fucking it up, but the moment i saw you. Fuck. I would do anything to take it back. To tell him to fuck off that i didn't care. To be a man and tell him i loved you, fuck his bet or whatever. That all of this was real. I know it doesn't matter. I know I deserve to feel this when I know it's nothing in comparison to what I did to you. I know i will never understand-

-want nothing to do with me. I completely get it. I'm not saying this so you take pity on me, believe me, but I know how cowardly I am. Know how I'm anything but a man. That i did something disgusting and horrible to the girl I love, the girl I was falling in love with. I hate that this is what it took for me to snap out of it. Came in after you left and absolutely trashed the place, kicked everyone out (may or may not be getting kicked out the frat next sem but i don't care), grabbed your gifts from the trash. Made the guys write those letters a couple days later after I went off on my friends (they went off on me too, don't you worry), and then the pres stilllll had some shit to say. Guys felt so bad they uh gave him some love taps-

-don't expect you to ever forgive me. Don't expect you to ever fall in love with me back. Just need you to know how perfect you are. How your kindness kept me going on the darkest of days, how you were literally a breath of fresh air that made me think that maybe things would be okay. You never hesitated to be there and every morning I woke up happy knowing I'd get to see you. I will be sorry for the rest of my life. Every day I wish I could take it back. None of it was worth it. I only want you. I only love you-

-had the best thing that's ever happened to me right in front of me. It felt like I had it all when I was with you. The prettiest girl I'd ever seen with a heart of gold liked me. Didn't want anything from me. And in return I betrayed your trust. Lied to your face. Not only royally fucked myself over but ruined the best part of me. Hate that i will be the reason for all your insecurities-

-mentioned the aquarium night event that had been sold out for a few months that you said would be a dream to go to. I got you two tickets (not for me don't worry) for the end of the month once finals are over since you said you'd be here over winter break. When you go, if, check out the biggest tank in the back with the whale shark. I know you'll look beautiful. Are beautiful. I love you.

The letter was tightly clutched in between your fingers, knuckles white from the grip, tear drops splattered over the sloppy pencil marks, smudges all over from where gojo had continuously erased and rewritten, erased and rewritten. tiny hiccups fell from your mouth.

You hated him you hated him you hated him.

You loved him you loved him you loved him.

Your breath hitched, momentarily discarding the letter to inspect the two fallen tickets. A special one night event gala with inclusive drinks and food, behind the scenes tour where guests could even pet certain animals. Not only had the tickets been sold out for months, but they were way beyond out of your budget. 

With trembling lips and shaky hands, you sobbed. 

Gojo quite literally spat out his drink when three days later a notification popped up. From you. In the midst of scrambling to properly hold his phone, he somehow managed to fling it, frantically tripping over his own feet, knocking over his drink and sending his desk chair tumbling.

Hi. Can we talk

He wasn't blocked anymore?? You texted him? You wanted to talk??

He tried to focus, tried to think of a response that wasn't so desperate or needy. He failed to do both.

Hi yes of course. im free now. Or whenever you are free of course, just let me know!

Your bubble popped up, his heart spasmed in his chest, breath heavy as he awaited your response. 

It went away and his shoulders dropped. Then it popped up and he sat up. Gone.

He groaned, tossing the device and covering his face with his palms. He fucked up again.

An hour later, there was a knock on the door down stairs, then voices mingling. Then-

“Gojo! Your girl is here!” It was Kuna’s voice.

gojo furrowed his eyebrows. His.. girl?

He stumbled up, sprinting down the stairs so fast he jumped down the last four, heart lodged in his throat as he eagerly popped up next to sukuna, eyes widening once they landed on you.

You.

In all your glory clad and comfy and so fucking cute in a swetashirt that was far too big - fuck was that his?- hair slightly messy but purposeful, lip caught in between your teeth. He froze, jaw dropped, eyes stuck on you like he'd never seen a woman in his life. Like a Victorian man seeing an ankle for the first time. His breath caught.

“Hi,” you spoke softly, cheeks warm and fingers fiddling with the hem of your- his hoodie.

He rubbed his eyes, unsure if he was dreaming or not. He thought of you so much that the idea that he was hallucinating you at this point was very plausible, that maybe you were a figment of his imagination-

Sukuna elbowed him, a grunt leaving gojos lips, murmuring “weirdo” before turning away. 

“H-Hi,” his voice cracked, clearing his throat before trying again. “I mean, Hey.”

You rolled your eyes, playfully. Playfully. 

She rolled her eyes at me playfully this time. She just-- she-

His mind was short circuiting. 

“This Friday is the aquarium night event. Pick me up at 8.”

And just like that you turned on your heel. Didn't wait for a response, an emotion, nothing. But he understood perfectly fine. This was his last shot.

He spun on his feet, unsure of whether or not he should run after you or if he just made you up. He yelled out to sukuna who only smirked.

“Was she real??”

Those three days passed agonizingly slowly, yet all too fast. Gojo anxiously stood outside your door, palms sweaty and hands tugging at the neck of his collar to breathe. The biggest bouquet of flowers at the store clutched in his grip with an unintentional deadly vice, his best tux ironed to obsessive perfection (admittedly the first time he's ever ironed, he didn't even own one, asking every guy in the frat until one of his brothers mom offered to lend him one).

He spoke out loud quietly to himself, hand hovering over the door in a closed fist working up the courage to knock. “You got this, don't fuck this up, don't fuck this up even more, don't-”

Right under his fist the door swung open, both yours and gojos eyes widening equally in surprise. His cheeks flushed, opening his mouth to speak but the words died down in his throat as his eyes scanned you over. Like a moth to a flame he couldn't stop looking, eyes leaving a wake of goosebumps on your flesh everywhere they traced. Your cheeks burned.

He wasnt breathing, wasnt blinking, wasnt thinking- mind doing that brrrr numbing noise when he would see you but fuck.

You were stunning. The prettiest fucking thing that had ever blessed his eyes. Standing before him, just as shy, just as taken aback. The floor length gown you opted a blessing and a curse, hugging you so perfectly that gojo concluded that it quite literally had to be made for you. You were taller in your heels, hair done perfectly, makeup gracing your features and only accentuating your natural beauty. Oh he was so royally, completely, entirely, fucked.

He was embarrassingly nervous to be standing before you, to stand by your side when you looked like that. Fuck you were so out of his league.

You cleared your throat and for the first time, he blinked, shaking his head to clear his thoughts- or more so lack of.

“You look… you look stunning,” he finally spoke, watching as your gaze dropped to the floor, the tiniest of smiles making his heart thump.

“Thank you. You look very nice too.”

He beamed, exhaling, reminding himself to breathe. He must've died. Must've died and he was at the gates of heaven and fuck he didn't care if he was about to get turned away, at least he got to see you standing right in front of him and hed be damned if he didn't treat it like the best gift he had ever gotten.

He snapped back into reality, far too enthusiastically thrusting out his arm holding the flowers.

“I-I got you flowers.” say something else you idiot. “The, the prettiest ones in the store f-for the prettiest girl.” oh my god not that. 

Gojo wanted to cringe, physically recoil at how fucking dumb he sounded.

You let out a small breathy laugh- he missed that sound so much- gently taking them from his grasp to put them in another vase, not paying attention to the way your fingers accidentally brushed against his, sending a jolt of electricity up his arms and through his body like a machine getting a much needed reboot. He was pathetic, so so pathetic and it was his greatest honor.

You came back, the pink red blush softly painted on your cheeks made him want to bite his fist and he wasnt sure if it was cuteness aggression or the fact you just looked so fucking edible.

“Ready.”

The two of you slowly strolled through the aquarium, arm laced through his while you admired the animals and he admired you. It was laughable how obvious he was, eyes unable to stray. Hundreds of couples flowed and ebbed around you, an overwhelming amount of waiters offering food and more food and champagne every thirty seconds. The tension was painful, you and gojo downing two flutes each as soon as entering the event. 

Small talk at first was difficult, Gojo rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment when he asked if he mentioned how beautiful you looked for the umpteenth time that night. You smiled, blushed, but the tiny inklings of doubt and fear circulated in your head, questioning if he really meant it this time.

You both lingered around tanks, drinking more and more flutes of champagne, becoming more and more relaxed as the night continued. Jokes started flowing easier, hearts forming in gojos eyes when you threw your head back to laugh when he accidentally knocked over an entire serving platter from a waiter's hand. 

This was the iconic fratboy?? Making a fool of himself?

He would've cringed, scowled at himself if it weren't for the way you looked, finally allowing your guard to loosen and the champagne to take hold, poking fun at him and asking if this was his first time out in public. He stupidly grinned, teeth and all, cheeks burning pink.

The night only got better from there. Gojo gleamed as a worker introduced you to penguins, whipping out his phone to take photos of you smiling and laughing. Then you were petting a sting ray- a photo of you quietly squeaking when you touched the slimy creature. Later on a photo of you gasping as you pet a dolphin, stars in your eyes and amazement unmasked. You with a sea otter “awwing,” you backing away from gators, you pointing at the big bellied sea lions, you-

“Thank you Gojo. For the tickets, I- I really don't know how you got them, and the price, I don't know what to say.” 

The tank was cold beneath your touch, finger feathers lightly tracing the glass that housed colorful jelly fish. The room was dark, save for the glow of the bright sea creatures that reflected in your eyes. You couldn't look away from them. Gojo couldn't look away from you.

The response was immediate, without a doubt. “Don't say thank you. I-..” he swallowed. He didn't know what else to say, knowing sorry would never be enough.

“Sukuna said he was sorry when I went by. Said what he did was pussy shit. When I agreed and said I didn't forgive him, he smirked and said good.” You stayed facing the tank, voice tight and blunt, but not unkind. Purely factual.

Gojo slumped, hands shoving into his pockets, preparing himself for you to end everything for once and for all. His saliva was thick, relaxed state leaving him and anxiousness creeping in. He stupidly hoped for something more, knowing he didn't deserve it from the start. But knowing never made handling the truth any easier.

Silence hung heavy in the air. 

Gojo cleared his throat, quiet and nervous. He chewed on his bottom lip, fingers playing with a loose thread in his pocket. “I know you're sick of me saying it. But i am so sorry y/n. I wish I could take it back, but I know I can't." He itched for another glass of champagne. “Im just,” gojo huffed an airy laugh that was more so a sigh of disbelief. “Just so thankful, that you- that you let me come with you tonight. A-and see you.”

A faint hum was your only response.

“C-can i show you something?” he whispered.

You turned, hair framing your face perfectly from where your hands had run through it throughout the night, eyes shiny but bright, and gojo could feel his heart stop, or maybe it was just beating so fast that there was no separation of a beat. “Okay.” 

Before he could overthink it and more than ready to accept the sting of rejection, he quickly but hesitantly brought his hand towards yours, lacing his large one in yours. Tears almost welled in his eyes when you didn't pull away. “Come on.”

“Holy shit,” the words came out unintentionally, eyes wide in awe and jaw slack once your eyes landed on the aquarium's new massive whale shark as it freely swam inside the gigantic tank, other fishes and creatures accompanying it in its rounds. 

Gojos palm was embarrassingly sweaty in yours and he felt unsteady on his legs as if he was standing on unsolid ground. Maybe this was stupid, so stupid and you'd hate it. He was starting to regret it.

A worker near the tank spoke into a mic, excited and grinning big. “-Our newest edition! Everybody meet y/n the whale shark!” 

You gasped in equal joy and shock, a genuine smile appearing on your face for what felt like, no it quite literally was, the first time in over a month. You spoke aloud, maybe to yourself, maybe to gojo.

“Hah! That is so funny that they named it that- what are the odds??” 

As soon as the words left your mouth, your eyebrows were already furrowing, body already turning to gojo who looked ghastly and sick on his feet, hand rubbing the back of his neck and skin flushed the brightest you'd ever seen it. He had mentioned wanting you to check it out in the letter, wanted to show you now, looked so nervous… why would he be so..?

“Gojo?” 

He didn't look at you, mouth straight and eyes forward. He hummed, but the pitch was too high, too anxious as if he was awaiting some sort of reaction. How would that even work…?

“Gojo…” His eyes scanned the room, fluttered left and right awkwardly, anywhere but you. Your heart stopped, hairs standing on the back of your neck, of your arms, mouth suddenly dry as if you hadn't been drinking the entire night.

“Gojo you didn't…” and he was facing you suddenly, eyes wild, tugging you closer and grabbing both of your hands to hold in his, thumbs swiping back and forth not to soothe you but an anxious tick to soothe himself. 

“Fuck, I know it was dumb wasnt it? God- I knew it was stupid, b-but I wasn't thinking, or I was, and I just thought, just thought-” You cut him off, pieces fully falling into place and jaw dropping in unadulterated shock.

“You named a whale shark after me???”

He let go of your hands to pace, fingers curling into tight fists. “Fuck I know, why would I do that? I thought maybe a star named after you would be cool? But-but I just- you know, y-you love the aquarium and I had been researching and saw they were rescuing a whale shark that didn't have a name yet- so i emailed and called and came in and donated, and- and, okay basically maybe begged, but hey, at least I get a plaque now right? Well you get a plaque, I put the donation in your name-”

Your jaw was on the floor, watching the most nonchalant notorious cool fratboy who was known for just that be anything but, frantically pace and throw his hands all over the place as he rambled on and on and on about how he named an entire whale shark after you.

You blinked hard, again and again, wondering when you'd wake up, wondering when gojo would snap his fingers in front of your face and tell you you were just day dreaming. You couldn't believe what you were hearing.

“You named a whale shark after me…”

At once he stopped, turning to you completely exasperated and arms finally falling by his side in defeat as if you'd hate the idea and chew him out for it, as if you could ever hate the idea. He named a fucking whale shark after you. 

“Yes.”

Immediately, like all things gojo seemed to be best at making you do, your eyes filled to the brim with tears. His hands found your cheeks, thumbs moving to swipe under your waterline as he panicked. “No, no, no, wait- don't cry, that bad huh? Fuck, it was supposed to make you happy-”

Your fingers tightly gripped his wrists, biting your lip to stifle and quiet your cries thankful the worker and surrounding couples had moved along. “I… I am, that does make me happy.” 

Like a weight that had been lifted from his chest for the first time in weeks, Gojo physically relaxed, shoulders slumping in relief. He gently pulled the two of you closer to the tank, eyes solely interested in you as if there wasn't a gigantic whale shark swimming right next to him, as if you were the only thing worth watching, as if he didn't want to blink in case he might miss something.

You sniffled, small laugh hiccuping out of you. “That is s-so silly..” he was nodding along with your words, palms resuming their once rightful place on your cheeks and now the only thing running through his mind was that if he was ever so lucky to be gifted another chance that he would never take it for granted ever again in his life, never take you for granted.

“I am so in love with you Y/n, you have no idea.” 

His mouth frowned at the slightest flash of sadness in your eyes, corners crinkling as more tears silently streamed down your cheeks. “Ill keep showing you I'm sorry for as long as you let me and god im fucking sorry. You are the best thing thats happened to me and i know none of its enough, none of it compares to how i hurt and destroyed your trust in me, b-but fuck I love you,” he spoke softly, yet urgent and severe and he hated the inkling of hope that sprinkled in his chest, the fear and pain that came along with thinking he might not be so hopeless after all. It only made it worse.

“I..” his heart seized in his chest as he waited for you to finish. “I don't forgive you gojo.” and he felt his heart crack, felt everything in him completely ache and throb and the tightness of his throat burned so painfully he wasn't sure if he'd be able to hold back the sob that threatened to leave him. He licked his lips, nodding his head to your response and dropping his hands, tears readying to leave his own. The worst of it all was understanding, was agreeing with your decision.

“Y-yeah, yeah-” It’s all he could whisper, all he could muster. But then a hand reached out for his own, fingers lacing through his once more. He wanted to yank it out, not out of spite, not to be rude, but he was on the cusp of shattering. Didn't want you to see him wail like a toddler in the aquarium, figured you weren't vengeful enough to want to watch it though you had every right to be. 

‘B-but... that doesnt mean that one day I wont…I just- I need time, but I think, maybe… I'd be willing to try…” you breathed, gaze flickering back to him, to the floor, to the whale shark he fucking named after you, back to bright blue eyes that looked at you as if you were the air he breathed, the oxygen in his lungs. 

A tear dropped down his cheek and he felt his body restart. Felt every function in his body like a car being hot wired and suddenly he was working all over again, electricity shooting through every single muscle, tendon, organ. 

A squeal left your lips, strong arms suddenly wrapped fully around your middle as you were snatched up and spun around, hands braced against his shoulder as broken fits of laughter flew out of you. 

He was in disbelief, he was in awe, he was dreaming, he was everything you weren't and you were everything he wasn't and he was excited, so hopeful, peppering your cheeks and face with kisses as if he just won the lottery- no, no this was better, this was so much better.

“Satoru, stop!” but you were giggling, you were giggling and gently pushing him back, but at the first syllable of his name that you hadn't said in so long, he just couldn't find it in himself to physically peel himself away. You were everything and more and satoru gojo was the greediest  man alive. 

You could hear the smile on his face. The intensity at which he spoke, the genuineness in his words and actions.

“Fuck- I love you I love you I love you, you wont regret this, youre gonna be my wife and ill make it up to you every single day from now on, thank you thank you-” the words slightly muffled as he continued planting delicate kisses over your face. 

You wouldn't kiss him just yet, despite wanting nothing more than to feel his soft ones against yours.

Baby steps.

You laughed, shy but not fearful, eyebrows shooting up your forehead at his admission and eagerness. “Lets start with one day at a time, yeah?”

Gojo finally pulled back, palms finding their now rightful place on your warmed cheeks, tucking the fallen hair behind your ears. He bit his lip, grinning so wide his face hurt. 

“Yeah. Yeah I think I can do that.”

tags: @raveszn @suf0kate @auradiddler @applvfish @trep65 @luna0006 @vavavavavaavvaboom @socharmedxoxo @erinc1235-blog @younghideoutberserker @amjusthereforthesmut @userless818 @suki-1278 @alebrasil0101 @sabztov @yvres @maicellarwater @looha @momoxmimixmomox @bzziestbee @vinsushi @satorusblue @minadiary07 @waterfal-ling @militarychu @pawwwginaaa @gonergirll @kitkat-gojo @noone1233nobody @dreamingoftomorrow @labbratz @ainauf @swoozleee @thatobsessedreader @titi37295 @drfrankiestien @cyberakane @agendercrisisx @pigeondex @sadlysoulx @satoruslovey @elifgomez0 @maliakealoha @ckilhj @whatsernamekei @yamaesque @flyingcat96 @yuverea @decadentdelusionlover @xxoamsoxx @perfectnecromancerknight @lovelyknox @teaspecifically @tharunnihaa @illustriousmonstervampire @thelonewolfdreamer @paula-bratu @yjwwzxcv @norsaval @suguruscumswallower @rodyhareadiiii @itzz-ellyy @lovickyi @vogelaqwry @cutenaeabab @sparklycalicocritter @sweetdeathicrave @4evahevah @3mm-z @megumisthirdog @adorearin @lilymarshmello65 @shadycandyexpert-blog @sugaringsnoopy @mapleeereads @mrs-xia @ariesbbysblog @gonergirll @mangourhearts @fancybooknook @terralupa @shesafreakygurl @wcke6 @jaydennicole @emoedgylord @lajosen @michexoxo @florisque @dud3wh4t @16bruises @laceyvnilla @chir4ki @bengalbunny @tharunnihaa @kpopmultistans @fettuccini-alfredo @aeri101

[raveszn]

i hope you're having the best day or night or whenever you see this

ily

[suguruslockedsecret]

DON'T EVEN BOTHER! - ᛝ CHAPTER 2 ᛝ

▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄(:Librarians Triangle:)▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀

| ᶜʰᵃᵖᵗᵉʳ ᵒⁿᵉ | (will start writing chapter 3 at 50 likes!) artist: thatsallitchief

ꫂ᭪ synopsis: 𝑆𝑢𝑔𝑢𝑟𝑢’𝑠 𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑎𝑣𝑜𝑖𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑦𝑜𝑢. 𝐴𝑛𝑑 𝐶ℎ𝑜𝑠𝑜’𝑠 𝑔𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑏𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟. 𝐻𝑜𝑤 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑦 𝑜𝑢𝑡?

pairings: Librarian/Roommate! Suguru Geto x Loser/Roommate! Reader x Libraria! Choso Kamo

rest of cast: Frat! Gojo, Frat/Jock! Sukuna, Frat!Toji, Yuki, (mentions:) Pre-med! Shoko, Tutor! Nanami, Frat! Haibara

cw: 18+ mdni, light angst, love triangle, light angst, fem!reader, drinkiņg, smōking, cursīng, posessivenēss, nothing leŵd here for now, miscōmmunication, jeālousy, slightly sūggestive scenes, college au!, suguru and choso have glasses, almost everyone has piercings lol, satoru is chronically online, toji is a mess, sukuna is… sukuna

word count: 5,684

﹒⋆ A WEEK LATER, THE STRONGEST HOUSEHOLD﹒⋆

“Dude, quit being pussy and communicate. She’s not even active in the group chat! I can’t handle this divorce!” Satoru wailed. He frisbeed his baseball cap onto the coffee table, uncovering his ruffled white hair. He propped his legs up while thumbing through Instagram stories. “For the last time, Satoru. I’m not your daddy.” Suguru joined him on the couch, putting out his cigarette in their ashtray. Satoru just blinked his white lashes innocently, pushing out his bottom lip like a toddler. “Yes you aree! You shot me out of your tip! I’m your little spermy boy that won the race. BFFT!-” That one sentence made Suguru smother his hand over Satoru’s mouth to silence his bullshit, until he felt a gross, wet lick across his fingers. “Eugh! You gotta stop doing that!”

“Don’t make me pick who I gotta live with Suguruu. Talk to my girll! Go give her some sugar!” Suguru did the exact opposite. Too pussied out to walk into class with you, or even face his shared dorm, he ended up texting Satoru instead. “yo im coming over.” to which the fratboy would respond “are mommy and daddy still fighting? :((“ `

Suguru slumped against him on the lumpy couch that they’ve gotten used to. The Strongest household had its many uhm… perks? Their makeshift “man cave” they crashed in was literally decked out with a life-size Spider-Man statue, complete with a heavy-duty chain around the throat. None of his other frat bros complained, which pretty much explained why his best friend was so spoiled and had zero spending boundaries. The statue was heavy with memories. Like after him, you and Satoru watched Spiderman: No Way Home, both of you practically sprinted inside to baby the statue. “I’ll never forget you, Spidey-mann!” Whipping his nose, Satoru crowned the hero with his cap while aggressively hugging its shoulders. “You da mann.”

“The universe made him fumble Zendayaa!” Letting out a dramatic screech, you collapsed to your knees and clung desperately to Spiderman’s legs. “How do you not k1ll yourself right after that?!” Both of you are dogpiling the statue in hugs like Peter’s life depended on it. To you, MJ is always Zendaya; you couldn't separate her from her characters. Well, besides when she starred in that weird “drug simulator” show you randomly marathon-watched with the duo. Was it Roo? Rue? He didn’t remember; his eyes were mostly focused on you. God, Suguru missed you. “Blow everyone up!” Satoru shouted. “Everyone?” Suguru chuckled, pointing at himself and wearing a mock look of horror. “Everyone!” You both cried out.

The sound of a camera shutter clicked Suguru out of the flashback. Satoru hovered right over him, his golden chain dangling over his tank top and his knees framing his hips, giggling like an idiot at the cursed 0.5 photo he just snapped. “You look like that one pinkpantheress meme.” Grinning ear to ear, Satoru flipped his screen around to give Suguru a reveal of the bobblehead shot. The angle made his glasses and eyes look absurdly huge, while the rest of his body looked comically small. “Big head.” Suguru snatched the man’s phone. “Delete this.” Satoru immediately launched himself at Suguru, tackling him like a football player for his phone back. “I’ll only post it on my close friends!” Their wrestling match set the couch groaning loudly, but the chaos was cut short the moment Sukuna walked in. Shirtless and unbothered, putting his body tattoos on full display as he casually cracked open a Smirnoff can.

“It sounds like y'all are fucking in here.” The wind must’ve been strong today. Caught off guard by the bombastic comment, Suguru lost his grip, letting Satoru swipe his phone right back. They sat up, panting, a chaotic mess of black-and-white hair. Rolling off him, Satoru slid back into his spot, then reached out with a grin to flick Suguru’s skewed glasses back onto his nose. “Bet you’d pay a lot to see our sex tape.” Satoru shot back. “Forget that, you’re disgusting.” Sukuna scowled, scarlet eyes squinting in disapproval while pulling a wedgie from his jock pants.

“What are you even saying, Satoru?!”

“It was a joke, damn!” But Satoru’s smirk? Unforgivable.

─── ⋆⋅📚⋅⋆ ───

“Soo you saw her talking to this guy… And you’re pissed off, why?” Settling onto the couch’s armrest, Sukuna talked around gulps of his alcohol. Running a hand through his pink hair with dark, black-tipped fingers, he slicked it back, absorbing in the drama. “Because I heard from Shoko, who heard from Haibara, who heard from Yuki that Choso likes her!” Satoru chimed in, comfortably resting his chin on Suguru’s shoulder. “And I told my twin here.”

Suguru’s jaw locked tight every time the name Choso was spoken aloud. Their time as co-workers had been exhausting enough. It felt like he never got peace from the pigtailed man. Choso was someone he couldn't shake, no matter how badly he tried. “Okay, but why are you avoiding her? It ain’t your girls' fault. C'mon, even I know that.” Sukuna critiqued, and Satoru nodded to every word in agreement. “Because… My emotions are a mess right now.” Suguru shrugged like it was simple. “What if I accidentally snap at her?” A tight swallow worked down Suguru’s throat. It wouldn't be the first time he had a silent tantrum over nothing. Everyone remembered the day the shop ran out of cigarettes and offered him a vape instead. A vape?! The man was pissed. He spent that day glaring at anyone who refused to give him a smoke. Yeah, Suguru Geto was petty, but he apologized right away after catching his attitude! Sometimes… He didn’t want his stubbornness to spark a fight between you two over something he found so awkward and embarrassing.

“Man tsk, you already have. Just err… quietly?” Squeezing his empty Smirnoff can flat, Sukuna chucked it into a nearby garbage bin. “Yeah! You keep ignoring Mama’s texts! She told me so!” Satoru complained, taking Suguru by the shoulders to give him a rough shake. Suguru sucked his teeth, guilt knocking him upside the head. Suguru did leave you on read… Ever since then, you haven’t bothered to reach out. It was bitchy, he knew, but he kept telling himself it was for the better. He’d reach out when he was ready, yeah…

“Quit shaking me.” With a low groan, Suguru pushed Satoru aside, irritated by the dizzying blur of the room and his sliding glasses. “I know I’m being unreasonable. But…” Using one finger to slide his slim black-framed glasses back into place, he licked his bottom teeth while considering options.

“Who wants buzzballss!?” Toji’s raspy laughter erupted in the room’s dullness. Walking in, his bulky arms flexed against his black tank top as he cradled a colorful bunch of Buzzball Biggies. Why did they even make them that size? People like Toji were the reason.

Everyone watched the ridiculous man stride over to slam the drinks onto the coffee table, slapping Satoru’s legs off with a tch. “Okay. Fuck me, I guess. What’s happening?” Towering over the trio on the couch, Toji’s thumb scratched at his scarred lip, lost.

“Satoru’s friend.” Toji pointed. “It’s Suguru.” “Mhm, whatever. You got bitch problems, right? Take a swig, bro!” Toji was known as the most obnoxious of the household: a womanizer, an alcoholic, and a sloth. Suguru also held a grudge against Toji for bullying his best friend in high school. When teenage Satoru told him, they teamed up the very next day to whoop his ass. Despite Satoru being a frat now, it was only to mask his nerdiness for college; being bullied still left a stain.

Now, Toji waves it off, as if it never happened, even with that permanent scar they left on his lip. Till this day, the duo has never played about each other.

“I’m good, than-“ Toji snatched a buzzball and wedged himself directly between him and Satoru, kicking his massive legs onto the table. “Move your ass, Toji!” Satoru grunted, tugging his hat from where it was completely flattened under Toji’s feet. Suguru could only observe as Toji ripped the cap off with his teeth, bringing it to his mouth with both hands, and aggressively drank it. Sukuna let out a loud cackle that echoed alongside Toji’s big ass gulps.

A look of disgust crossed Suguru’s face as Toji finally yanked the bottle away from his wet lips, wiping his chin. Gross. And his scent was unbearable, like a million cans of Old Spice spray deodorant. “You just gonna stare or take a sip?” Sukuna then nabbed the bottle from Toji’s grip. “Give me that.” Suguru dodged his head out of the way as Sukuna raised the bottle to his mouth, waterfalling the strawberry ‘rita straight down his throat.

“You guys are a mess.” Suguru rolled his eyes when Toji threw his biceps over the back of this way-too-crammed couch. “Says you. What’s happening with your girl now?” Toji questioned while watching Satoru play Geometry Dash. Sukuna offered the buzzball to Satoru, who blindly waved it off, smacking his lips in irritation when he died in-game. “Dude, I'm good!” “Lame ass.”

“Just the usual,” Suguru mumbled. The constant talk about you widened the empty void in his gut. He ached to see you, to hold you close while you rambled about whatever thought crossed your mind that day. But he was stubborn. He hates himself for it, not even knowing why he continued to play the quiet game with you. Was it embarrassment? Shame? Suguru couldn’t pin it down.

“What’s the woman even look like?” Satoru clicked on your Instagram account, then passed his phone to Toji. “Sheesh Suguru! This her!?” He whistled, his thumbs tapping the screen to zoom in on your tits on a post from a beach trip. Suguru remembered that day. He was there. Your bikini revealed all your softest parts to the light. The unforgettable image of your wet bikini body shimmering underneath the sun. Your hips and ass swaying as you sprinted away from Satoru and his water gun. Then the hot collision, your breasts squishing against Suguru’s naked back as you ducked behind him for cover. Your bright laughter never failed to outshine the sun during these moments.

“Quit eyefucking her, nasty.” Satoru ripped his phone from the pervert's hand. “I didn’t know she was fine! Hey, if she picks neither of y'all, can I take a bite?”

“How about you take a brick?” No, seriously. The urge to take a brick to Toji’s stupid grin was almost overwhelming. Suguru glared at him so hard he might actually burn a hole through the back of his head. “Watch how you talk about her.”

This was about the eighth time Suguru came into their household sulking about his crush. “Look, I know we aren’t tight, but if you keep ghosting her, you’ll lose the chick,” Toji advised. Sukuna hummed before joining in. “If anything, you’re just leaving the predator around the prey. Soon enough, she’ll start leaning more towards that Choso guy. This is coming from a ghoster myself.” “Yeah, thanks,” Suguru replied sarcastically. No matter how much sense it made, he’d never take advice from someone like Sukuna Ryomen and Toji Fushiguro.

“Suguru, can you just listen for once?” Satoru's voice cut through, striking the three men dumb with surprise. Standing up, he moved to plant himself right in front of Suguru, unblinking blue irises stapling Suguru’s purple gaze in place.“You better talk to her. I'm serious.” He spoke with stillness, casting a shadow over Suguru. That familiar boyish grin that Satoru usually flashed was entirely gone.

Satoru studied the way Suguru’s lidded eyes blinked off guard, his lips holding a permanent part. “Toru?-“ “I know how avoidant you get.” The air around them stilled. Toji mouthed over to Sukuna, “Should we dip?” Sukuna just shrugged, taking a slow sip from the Buzzball, downright enjoying the free soap opera.

“She’s been trying to hang out and talk with you for a while now. And what? All of a sudden, you’re being this child who ignores the nicest girl ever because she starts getting close to some boy? You’re a coward.” Ouch. He couldn't even muster a comeback. Satoru hit the nail on the head, and they both knew it. “And if two weeks pass, what then? Would she even want to be your friend?”

Suguru tried to speak up, but Satoru cut him off. “And if a month passes, would she even want to hang out with… us? O-or even our circle?” Suguru could see stress knotted in Satoru’s brows. His ghosting wasn’t just affecting you; it was affecting his closest friends, too. It wasn’t rocket science to know why. Ever since Suguru introduced you to his friend group, your relationship with them has been the textbook definition of “extroverts adopting an introvert.” Just ask Nanami.

They loved you. You instantly clicked with everyone. Having girls’ nights out with Shoko, doing last-minute flashcard quizzes with Haibara before getting scolded by Nanami, who only agreed to help if you two swore to be more prepared. And then there was Satoru. Suguru himself never predicted you two to click, but he could catch why.

- FIRST YEAR

Satoru caught the heart eyes Suguru held whenever he spoke about you. And immediately, he wanted to meet the girl who turned his stoic friend so mushy! Satoru was the first to meet you. Invading your bedroom, he immediately looks over the collection of figurines and posters covering almost every surface. All looked very familiar to him. You went from quietly playing with your switch on your plushie-cluttered bed to blinking nervously at the exceptionally tall, white-haired man standing right inside your bedroom. Whoa, you never thought you’d meet someone taller than Suguru. Your head zipped past him at Suguru, who could only pinch his nose and sigh at his friend's antics. Ah, this was the infamous Satoru Gojo, right?

“Oh. My. God. You play Pokemon Unite too?!”

Ever since then, he’d spam you with messages and even hourly calls. Both of you would geek out the second a new trailer or update dropped for your shounen/ shojos, immediately spamming your keyboards while texting each other. And if something were new to the other, you’d both pull each other into those fandoms. Satoru never had anyone interested in the things he’d hide from others. Sure, he was open about them to his close friends, but they barely understood what he was yapping about. Suguru was willing to try. But you, you were just like him in a way!

Satoru would bait his friends by soft-launching niche-fandom jokes, fully prepared to tease them with a “Pshh, only real ones know.” But the moment you giggled and gave him a playful shove, he thought, oh my god, is this what it means to find your opposite-gendered twin? The Rin to his Len? The Luna to his Leo? His sister from another mister? Okay, you get the point.

That whole Mommy and Daddy thing? Yeah, that whole dynamic blossomed after you made him sit down and watch Ouran High School Host Club with you. It was funny because Tamaki and Kyoya reminded you of Satoru and Suguru. “But I’m your precious daughter! Not the other way around!” “You’re a boy,” Satoru groveled with a pretend frown, “That’s cause the angels knew I’d be too powerful as a goddess. Won't you just take credit for birthing me?”

“Oh, you’re so right, let me coddle you, my albino child.” Satoru let out a soft snort, letting you idly pat his snowy white hair.

You stole his heart. It wasn't born of romance, but rather from that deep, aching ache of platonic longing. You were perfect for Suguru. Even without a proposal, Satoru already approved your hand in marriage for Suguru. The three of you loved binge-watching shows together. Especially your shared favorite, Erased. Satoru never complained about introducing new things to Suguru alone, but having both of you do it made him feel all warm and gooey inside. Oh no, your softness was affecting him too!

- BACK TO THIRD YEAR

Now there was very little of that.

“I’m worried about you two. I miss laughing with you guys. So does the rest of us.” Satoru held eye contact, his hand gliding over the goosebumps coating his arm. “Please just talk to her. Even if you’re mad… Just apologize. And try to work things out. I hate this.”

Suguru stared up at Satoru. He’s never seen his friend so stripped of his armor. Satoru usually hid struggles beneath layers of bright, charismatic charm. But right now, he was ripping off the bandaid, exposing a wound that was still bleeding and raw. Satoru’s face looked pleading, waiting, no, forcing Suguru to comply.

Then a shaky, “I’ll try,” left Suguru’s mouth. “Don’t try. Do.” Satoru snapped. “Okay- Alright. Alright, I’ll talk to her.”

“And if you don’t, you can’t come over anymore.” Suguru’s eyes widened at Satoru’s assertion. “You serious?” “I’m serious! I love you, dude, but you can’t run away from this problem anymore.” Suguru held his breath for a second longer before giving him a firm nod. “I promise that I’ll talk to her.”

- YOUR BEDROOM; 4:36 PM

It’s been a week. A whole week of Suguru ignoring you. You tried not to care; you had finals to worry about. You’d never let a man affect you academically! But emotionally? You were everywhere. Somewhere on your Tomodachi island, you held your Sugu-mii in a deserted prison. You were so fed up with this man.

Your patience slowly turned into bitterness. At first, you assumed it was something mental health-related. Then you saw Nanami’s story, where the two of them hung out in a cafe. After that, you saw Suguru smoking at Shoko’s dorm on her spam account. Alright, it was very clear that Suguru was in touch with everyone else but you. So cross that out. Maybe he just needed space? But for what? And for why?

You two never fought or had any arguments in the past? So cross that option off, too. Conclusion: Suguru was avoiding you for no reason because he was a B-I-T-C-H. Yeah, that seems about right.

Whenever Suguru would walk through their dorm door, he’d head straight for his room without a word, treating your existence like an afterthought. Just like you told yourself, if Suguru didn’t want to be bothered, you’d let him be.

It was a shame. This all went down the month before you vented to Shoko about your little crisis. Spiraling over whether you were falling for your roommate or just romanticizing a close friendship. Eh, whatever.

Ever since this week, you haven’t brought Suguru up to your friends anymore. No “how is he?” or “is he okay?” You accepted it. And honestly, it worried them all.

─── ⋆⋅📚⋅⋆ ───

You sat at your gaming desk, headphones on, blasting game soundtracks while working on your final essay. Ten pages weren't so bad.. You’d say that if you weren't such a procrastinator. Focusing was hard when your brain would rather do a hundred other things, like finishing that one series on AO3 or scrolling through Pinterest.

The words on your screen made your vision fuzzy; you’ve been staring at this bright ass screen for hours now. The blue light made your eyes ache, but you knew that taking a break would only kick-start your procrastination, leaving you to panic-work at the absolute last minute. Just five more pages… Ughh, never mind this shit is so difficult.

Boodoom! The notification rang through your music, startling you. You ignored it and continued typing before, Boodoom! Boodoom!

Who the fuck was?- You shoved your jumbled tabs aside before you found the source. Discord.

xXKamo_FlageXx: hello. i hope im not bothering you!

xXKamo_FlageXx: but since ur online do you wanna run duos on dbd again when i get home? :)

xXKamo_FlageXx: lmk!

Your frustration simmered when you realized it was only Choso. You first met, knowing he worked at the campus library just like Suguru. You both got closer, and honestly, he made you less alone in this whole Suguru nonsense. You and Choso ended up swapping usernames the moment you mentioned you played Dead by Daylight, one of his absolute favorite games. Seeing the genuine spark light up his hazel eyes was all it took; before long, you two were logging on to play whenever time allowed.

Choso’s company was nice, like a soothing back rub. In class, he’d often pass the time drawing faux tattoos on your skin, his passion for art showing in every line. His own worksheets were always buried under doodles, and his veiny arms served as his own canvas. You always thought he’d make an amazing tattoo artist someday. Choso even let you browse through his sketchbook. Once. When your eyes caught a glimpse of a character who bizarrely looked similar to yourself, he quickly grabbed the book from your hands, snapping it shut with a beet-red face as he desperately changed the subject.

Choso was attractive. From the distinct tattoo stretching across the bridge of his nose to the black snakebite piercings on his lower lip. Every one of his charms made him so sexy! His dark eyeliner and smoky purple eyeshadow made you want to see his eyes roll to the back of his brain made his hazel eyes look incredibly captivating. You always looked forward to the daily surprise of whether he’d show up in his glasses or contacts. Even his dark hair held a certain charm, playfully reminding you of a rockhopper penguin.

On his good days, Choso’s style leaned heavily into his alternative style; otherwise, he defaulted to a monochrome, all-dark fit. Though he never went anywhere without his jewelry. The mere thought of him wearing something bright was impossible for you to imagine.

You stared at his message while biting your lip. Oh, you so badly wanted to take a break, but you couldn’t! Finals were sitting in your Brightspace, waiting to be submitted and graded.

Yklikenyah111: hi choso! no u aren’t bothering me no worries!

Yklikenyah11: i’d love to but i’m still working on my finals essay </3

You were about to click off the application before you kept an eye on the little “is typing…” pop-up, curious, you stared before,

xXKamo_FlageXx: no trouble!

xXKamo_FlageXx: but weren’t you working on that essay since 2pm? its almost 5!!

xXKamo_FlageXx: take a break. (´∩｀。)

Choso’s concern made your heart do a little hop, though you weren’t sure why. You blamed the bright screen, convinced it was for sure frying your brain.

Yklikenyah111: I cantt, i gotta thug it out lol.

xXKamo_FlageXx: thats not healthy and yk tht :/

Yklikenyah111: maybe, maybe not :steamhappy:

xXKamo_FlageXx: :steamsad:

xXKamo_FlageXx is typing…

xXKamo_FlageXx: how about we meet at the library? im about to clock out of here anyways.

xXKamo_FlageXx: if you want to! i kind of miss hanging out with you haha.

- CAMPUS LIBRARY; 4:40 PM

A quiet panic surged through Choso. His silver-ringed fingers clamped around his phone with white-knuckled intensity. He buried his burning face into his palm, the frames of his glasses digging uncomfortably into the bridge of his nose as he sat at the library’s help desk. Choso desperately avoids looking back at his phone screen. His co-worker, seated right beside him, Suguru, quirked a brow then returned to whatever he was typing.

This was all Yuki’s fault! She told him to be more “assertive” when talking to you. Choso attempted! But you made him too weak-kneed to follow through, forcing him to back out every single time. So surely, it’d be easier through a screen?

It was… In a way. Maybe it made him carelessly bold. Which would normally be a victory, except it meant coming across you face-to-face immediately after, even assuming you’d say yes. Speaking of, he didn’t feel his phone vibrate. Choso’s head lifted from his hand to see that you went offline. His self-confidence plummeted, carving a frown right onto his face.

Shit, nooo! It’s not your fault. Who’d reply to such an off-putting text- Bbzzt!

Yklikenyah111: back! sry went brb

Yklikenyah111: awee imyt cho :D

Yklikenyah111: ykw yh maybe i do deserve a break

Yklikenyah111: ill start getting ready, i’ll meet u there!

- 5:10 PM

Suguru sat at the service desk, reviewing which holds he had ready for students. His library shift ends in about forty-ish minutes. He tuned Choso out of his side view. This day belonged to someone else entirely.

As his fingers typed away on the library’s ragged keyboard, he was mentally preparing for how he’d keep Satoru’s promise. An apology to you. Would you even want to hear it? What if he began pulling manga off the library shelves to bring home for you, reviving their old comforting routine? Orrr hmmm, Suguru promised to get you boba. So maybe he could randomly ask if you wanted to go to your favorite boba spot… randomly…. after a week of no contact. That wasn’t careless of him, right? Yes, the hell it was.

“Fuckk.” A low grumble rumbled in Suguru’s throat, tensing his fingers in the long hair falling past his shoulders. It used to be so easy to talk to you.

Suddenly, the glass doors squeaked open, letting in a rush of air, and there you stood in the flesh. Out of all the places you could be right now.

Suguru caught the ghost of a cute smile on your glossy lips, painted in that familiar cherry-tinted lip gloss. It was the same one you used to stare longingly at the mall, back when things were simple enough for him to surprise you with the last tube on your walk to campus. Then down to your shoulders, that didn’t hold your messenger bag that matched his anymore. Instead, it was replaced by that ita bag you worked on to wear at some random pop-up event. “It’s a birthday collaboration for my yumeship partner!” “Your what?”

And here he was, still parading around with his bag because it meant a lot to him; it seems like it wasn’t the same for you anymore. Did you hate him already? His purple eyes lowered to the said bag slumped on the desk. His Obanai keychain, which you gifted him- carefully chosen to match each other because “This is so us!”, was currently smushed beneath the bag’s weight. Same, dude, same. He missed his Mitsuri too.

Godammit. Satoru’s words were influencing him. Why did this weirdly feel like a divorce was happening between them? Single and hoeless man by the way!

But maybe your separation arc had ended? Because even with his eye rigidly fixed on the oversized computer monitor, he heard you drawing near. There was no mistaking your approach. The rhythmic clink, clink, tinks! The chaotic trinkets and keychains rattling against that dammed bag gave you away instantly. Along with the sweet scent of your fruit paradise fragrance.

Suguru could feel his heart rate go up. Why were you walking up to him?? Did you need something?? A textbook? Him? Wait, why was he being a coward right now? Today was the day to talk to you again, finally. So with that, he lifted his head and,

“Hi, Choso!-“

“Hey, can we talk?-“

Uh. He should’ve kept his mouth shut. Of course, you were here for the boy who scribbled you in ink.

Your eyes almost bulged out of your head. Suguru wanted to talk to you?

No, you were clearly playing tricks on yourself. Shoko or Nanami had to be right behind you. But when you spun around to look, no one was there. Turning back, you caught Suguru looking, truly looking directly at you, tugging with his turtleneck anxiously.

It’s been so long since you last locked eyes. You missed the softness that bled into his pupils from behind those frames when they anchored on you. Now his amethyst stare held a fragile uncertainty, words casual but heard desperate.

Again, wow, Suguru was actually talking to you again. Pitiful.

Choso's eyes zipped between the two of you. The heavy silence dragged on. Whatever weird, awkward moment played in front of him, he was unfortunately stuck right in the middle of it. Running his tongue over his snakebites, he shifted to face Suguru, instantly catching the resentment that read 'yes, he was the problem' when their eyes met.

“Do you guys need me to step away for a moment?”

“No.”

“Yes.”

Choso oversaw the two share a glare. “Uhh… No problem. I’ll wait for you near the vending machines.”

The two of you just watched as Choso clumsily gathered his belongings together and navigated the tight service area to make his exit. Awkward tension was his worst nightmare. Despite his desperation to leave, he slowed down to throw you a concerned look before pushing through the library's doors to escape towards the vending machines.

Choso knew from some bits you told that you and Suguru weren’t on speaking terms. And Choso also knew that this started happening around the time he and you became friends. It might not have been a coincidence. The stank eyes whenever Choso sat next to you in class? The cold shoulders in between shifts? That one day, when Suguru bolted from you mid-conversation when you spoke out: “Oh, hey, Choso!” Yeah, he trusted his gut.

At first, Choso seriously thought, Wait, is Suguru Geto your boyfriend? Did he completely miss the memo that you were taken this whole time while he was crushing on you? You two were always hanging out, so honestly, it made sense. But luckily for him, that wasn't the case. Choso didn't know if the real reason was better or worse.

- YUKI & CHOSO'S DORM ABOUT A WEEK AGO

“Hey, Yuki. You’re friends with Shoko, right?” Yuki lounged on the couch next to Choso, both of them in pajamas. She nodded, taking a big bite out of a pickle. “Why?” Yuki questioned, lifting her head to peer at her friend. “Uhm.” Choso nibbled on his black, polished nail, averting his eyes from Yuki lying on their couch. “Can you ask Shoko if her friend is dating Suguru?”

“Oho?!” Yuki sprang up, basically in Choso’s face now. Her laughing only made Choso deadpan. “Ughh! Back up, forget I said anything.” Choso rolled his eyes, his arm pushing Yuki back so the man couldn’t smell that rancid pickle aroma. “No, No! Sorry. I’m chill.” The pickle was down. This was serious. She needed to play cupid for her friend’s sake.

Yuki brushed her bangs back, glancing at Choso. “You jealous?” “Bffck!-“ Choso choked up on air, his blush spreading from hairline to neck. Yuki chortled louder now, watching Choso die from embarrassment was always laughable. “Breathe, bro, breathe!”

Choso regained his breath, huffing as he came back to his senses. He crossed his legs, frowning while his head hung. “No… Well.” He shrugged. “Honestly, ever since I became friends with her, Suguru has been watching me like a hawk.”

“That so?…” Yuki rubbed her chin while listening. “Well, if they were dating, I definitely would’ve told you, Cho.” Choso just sighed. “Right…” He was slightly relieved and slightly in pain. “Maybe Suguru's jealous.” She shrugged, leaning on Choso’s side now. Choso’s brow arched. That sounded silly. “Why would he be jealous?”

To Choso, Suguru held all the cards. He could see it plainly just by working next to him. Suguru had effortless confidence; Choso didn’t. If Suguru wanted you, Choso was certain he would’ve had you by now.

“Apparentlyy Suguru’s been avoiding her. So maybe he feels threatened by you.” Yuki poked Choso's side playfully, earning a gravel chuckle from him. “By me?” He ran his fingers through his dark, free-falling hair. The pieces of the puzzle just wouldn't fit together in his head.

“Yeah! Because maybe you both like her. So instead of communicating his feelings, he pussies out and dodges her like the plague.” Realization snapped against Choso like a rubber band. That explained everything. The weird looks, the “accidental” shoulder bumps. “Huh… I’m a little flattered.” Now it was Yuki’s turn to chuckle. “Well, what should I do about it?”

“Nothing. If it makes him mad, then it makes him mad. That’s not your problem.” Yuki gave Choso’s shoulder a comforting squeeze. Her wisdom was always 100% right. Validating why she was always his first choice for advice. (Except for any homework-related.)

Choso offered a low, appreciative hum, gently resting his chin atop her head in a silent thank you.

“Fight on, playboy.” “Yeah. Don’t call me that.”

─── ⋆⋅📚⋅⋆ ───

A heavy sigh tore from Choso’s chest. He slipped his money into the slot and punched the buttons for an energy drink. His stomach swirled with anxiety. An unfamiliar selfish voice was telling him to protect you, keep you close, and claim you for himself. To keep you to himself like Suguru desperately wished he could. It terrified him. Choso didn't even know why a little crush made his head spin like this. Having these kinds of possessive thoughts was a total first for him. Did you seriously have this effect on everyone you met?

But Choso couldn’t find the greed within himself; to restrict yourself, you deserve nothing but. Crushing down his own desires thoughts, he watched through the library's glass entrances as you walked side by side with Suguru to find a private place to talk.

This would be a while.

Bending down to collect his monster beverage, he sat at a nearby bench, cracking the can open.

“Please hurry up.”

a/n: hi yall, fry here! thanks for the love on the first one. i hope guys love the second chapter just as much. i decided to change some stuff around with this series. hopefully i didnt stranger things it lmfao. my fault to all the toji lovers, i had to make someone an opp SO SRY!

✗ written by frysoiling do not copy, repost or ai train my writing. reshares, likes, and comments are much appreciated!

[raveszn]

i’m gonna do a black girl jjk smau series bc we don’t get enough love and it’s annoying tf outta me

[raveszn]

i’m working on it MOMMA DIDNT FORGET

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]