Realization
I am such a people pleaser that it’s hard for me not to care what people think of me. I am also very observant so I know who lies to me, talks about me, and pretends to like me. I will still be kind to them. I know they won’t ever say the things they say behind my back to my face. Jealousy is such an ugly trait. I try not to associate myself with people who victimize themselves, especially to situations that they create. Those who are selfish and inconsiderate, who can’t be happy for anyone but themselves and who tear down others to make them feel/look better about their lives/situation.
I grew up with wonderful, supportive and kind people. Family and friends. So when I am around people who only have hate and jealousy in their hearts, I don’t know how to act around them. My heart is big but I can only take so much. I am not stupid, I am kind. I give people the benefit of the doubt. I let others take advantage of of that and they get comfortable disrespecting me. Especially since I don’t tell them off or say anything.
I will do anything and everything for family. I can never say no to family. I tend to spoil my family and go out of my way to show that I care and love them. I need to realize that just because someone is family doesn’t mean that they care and love me like I do them. Sometimes it’s family that secretly hate and talk bad about me. It’s hard to get away from family so I just minimize contact/interaction.
I can’t stand to be around fake people. Especially when I know they’re talk bad about me once I leave the room. I am deeply hurt. I can’t delete these people from my life because they are family but I don’t want them in my life either.
