lost love

"blue bloods are not permitted to take on familiars until they are of the age of eighteen, hongbin." he told the other firmly, his eyes darkening because clearly the younger had not been explained to what the necessity of a familiar was for and exactly when it kicked in. "... some do, they take them earlier than eighteen, as younger as fifteen, but... it's not right."

he snapped himself out of his own distraction and pain because hongbin wasn't responding, seemingly caught in shock and he parted his lips slightly, furrowing his eyebrows. "hongbin." he said softly, reaching up to cup the younger's cheek gently, clearly worried and he exhaled softly.

"once they have bitten a familiar, then it becomes very hard to turn back. if they do not take a familiar until eighteen, as they are supposed to do, they will be fine. there will be no bloodlust. once the body has been reminded of the taste of human blood, it will return... he did not lie to you about needing you after you had been his familiar for some time. before, however..." his voice trailed off, already uncomfortable with speaking quite so much. but since it was hongbin, he could deal with it.

- safety ( by your side ) ; hongbin / leo

he shook his head, knowing he couldn’t, not yet. “il-ilhoon doesn’t feed from anyone else … i know he doesn’t,” he said quietly, biting on his lip as he spoke before he shook his head again. “he was m-my friend before h-he … bit me, so i can’t exactly just say no … he’d die.” he wasn’t sure if that was what happened when a blue blood didn’t feed often enough, but humans died from starvation and he was just assuming that vampires would be somewhat like that as well.

glad for the topic change, he turned his gaze back to the older male, eyes curious at the story he was being told and he nodded slowly, finally understanding (somewhat) of what taekwoon had been to soojung and he sort of got why she had been so important to him and why he had been so dstraught after her death — hongbin was assuming from everything he knew of the other that he probably blamed himself for her death.

his eyes were trained back to the cup of tea, the level of it diminishing at the rate he was drinking it, more than halfway finished his cup of tea and he shakes his head. “i didn’t know any of this … no one told me,” he muttered, feeling a bit betrayed that neither of his friends who were part of this whole thing had told him anything and there’s a slight pout on his lips at the thought.

though, if he really thought about it, he wasn’t sure if he would’ve believed either of them if they had tried to tell him. he had believed that ilhoon was the only one of his kind for the past two years that he had fed him, and mark would’ve passed it off as a joke.

he sighed. what had he gotten himself into?

"no." he said sharply in reply, his eyes darkening. "he is not yet eighteen. blue bloods are not to have familiars until that age, it isn't until then that the need for blood overtakes the need for human food. blue bloods have been breaking the rules more and more often. soojung never had a familiar." his voice was sharp with worry and he glanced over at the younger male, his eyes worried.

"... i was supposed to protect her." he finally said softly. "it was my duty. to protect her, from anyone discovering her, and from anyone who wished to harm her. i failed." the words were so much harsher coming out of his mouth, his voice bitter. "i failed her. and she died. permanently. it wasn't even returning to the repository. she's gone. forever." he choked again, the reality of what he had done hitting him hard and he tensed up, his arms wrapped around himself now.

he had failed her, so much more badly than he'd ever failed anyone before. she had lived for hundreds, maybe even thousands of years before she'd had this lifetime with him, and now... because of him, she would never, never have another year again.

he had taken her immortality away.

- safety ( by your side ) ; hongbin / leo

he doesn’t say anything at the other’s explanation about blue bloods and red bloods and half bloods, sipping quietly at his tea and just breathing in all the information about a hidden society he literally knew nothing about. in all honestly, he had no idea about anything about vampires in general and he was somewhat marveling in the fact that taekwoon seemed to know so much — though, if he had grown up and trained to protect soojung, it was rather obvious that he should know a lot more than he did.

hongbin nodded slowly, glancing over at the older male for a second. “y-yeah … he doesn’t like it, b-but i know he hurts when he doesn’t …” he murmured softly, his gaze back at the tea in his cup, sipping at it again. he remembered the last time ilhoon had taken too much time between feedings and he had ended up almost passing out in the library and hongbin still worried whenever he thought about his friend’s voice over the phone that day and he didn’t want to hear it again, ever, forcing the vampire to feed when he needed to.

"mark told me he wanted m-me as his familiar too," he whispered, cheeks heating up slightly at the thought and he shook his head, remembering having been told something about how blue bloods couldn’t share a familiar and he was … glad for that.

"it … scares me," hongbin glanced up at the older male, a small pout on his face and his eyes wide behind his glasses. "i get so tired after … and i always wake up at ilhoon’s house."

he exhaled quietly, shaking his head slightly. truth be told, he didn't like it either. not when someone like hongbin was at stake. ilhoon should have found himself another familiar -- it was a well-known fact that many blue bloods had more than one familiar and he quietly informed hongbin of that fact. "a familiar may only have one blue blood. but a blue blood can have many familiars. if you can, you should... keep your distance." he said softly, his voice worried.

hongbin was too innocent for this life. he was too sweet, too innocent, too shy. if he could, he wanted to keep the younger as far away from all this as he possibly could. he would not risk hongbin's life, not after soojung's unexpected and in his mind, preventable death.

"there are also conduits." he continued quietly, moving back to the topic of his relationship with his recently deceased blue blood. "conduits are born into a family, predestined to serve a blue blood. my family has served soojung's for generations. when i was born, i was already predetermined to be hers." he exhaled softly, closing his eyes and remembering the soft bubbling laughter of a child, running up to him as he scooped her up in his arms.

he had to stop himself before he actually let himself get lost down in memory lane, his eyes opening again and they were filled with pain as he glanced back at the younger male.

- safety ( by your side ) ; hongbin / leo

he took a slow sip from his cup of tea, exhaling slowly before he nodded. his mother. his dead mother. but she had passed onto him some lessons that were important and he was sure that a cup of tea being able to solve anything was one of them. (or he hoped it was true, because he really didn’t have another solution for bad situations.)

he stared into the depths of the tea, the reddish brown color covering the lemon suddenly extremely interesting to him after he asked the question, feeling awkward and bad and just everything for having brought it up. the older seemed to be decently okay with it, though hongbin still felt bad. what if taekwoon wasn’t ready to talk about it? that would be a horrible move on his part to have brought it up so suddenly though he was surprised to find that she wasn’t his girlfriend. it had seemed so much like it that he had never actually thought it wasn’t an actual relationship between them.

"… blue bloods …?" hongbin schoed again, unsure of what those were. "are they like — like ilhoon? vampires?" he asks, thinking that that was maybe what the other was getting at because he … should probably be making sure his friend was okay even though he also knew that he had fed just the other day. "and mark right? because he told me he was half when he found out that ilhoon was drinking my blood …"

he had no idea that the whole vampire thing actually had a name or anything of the sort and he was honestly, genuinely confused now. “i-i thought it was just them … b-but i’m guessing there’s more …?”

he nodded quietly in response, that answer alone telling him that there's very little the younger male actually knows about the secret society of vampires that had somehow managed to stay hidden for so long. the thought of soojung didn't hurt quite as much as he'd expected it to, funny enough -- it was as though the presence of hongbin had chased away the pain and grief, if only a little.

"mm. blue bloods are vampires. red bloods... humans. us. halfs are rare." he summarized quickly before he closed his eyes with a soft exhale. "... soojung was a blue blood." he told hongbin quietly, his voice softening with the pain he still felt, though from a distance, with fondness that had not left him even with her death, and he sighed softly.

"blue bloods... have familiars. you're ilhoon's familiar, aren't you? the one he feeds from." he whispered softly, his arm still warm around the other's body, not quite wanting to let him go, even if it was to his other friends -- there was an inkling of fear that one day, ilhoon would drain hongbin and he would be too late.

too late, again.

he couldn't bear the thought. he had to be in time to save hongbin, he always would have to be. he couldn't bear the thought of being left alone; the loss of soojung should have decimated him and yet, because of hongbin, he had made it through.

somehow.

- safety ( by your side ) ; hongbin / leo

"l-lost me?" he echoed quietly, unsure of what the other meant by that but it didn’t sound good, and he didn’t want to be lost in any case and he just let taekwoon hold him in his embrace as long he needed. he sat on the bed, watching the elder for a few moments before he accepted the tea, blowing lightly and watching the steam curl into the air before he sipped at it.

"… it’s nothing, don’t worry." he almost doesn’t know why the other was thanking him for making him tea when he was letting him stay at his place free of charge even, and he really had no other way to really repay his kindness besides doing the little things. he was trying, he really was. "my … m-mother always made tea wh-when i was feeling down," his voice had dropped to a whisper, feeling strange for talking about her as he pressed closer to taekwoon subconsciously, feeling as if maybe if he spoke about her too loudly his father would appear and try to take him away from this world as well.

it was a hidden fear of his that perhaps one day he would be out alone and the man would appear and slit his throat as well, and he would be dead and he would leave taekwoon behind and he didn’t want that, not when he knew how important it was to the elder than he was still alive.

hoongbin isn’t too sure about how he was supposed to word the question, his eyes wide and curious behind his glasses as he stared into the cup of tea, dropping the slice of lemon into it and watching it. “y-you know … the one that d-died?” his voice trailed off until it was almost inaudible, feeling horrible for bringing it up like that.

he didn't elaborate on the meaning, not wanting to think about it, the thought of soojung still aching in his chest even though it didn't hurt quite as much as it had when she had first died. the feeling of hongbin sitting in his embrace, warm and very much alive, reassured him that while he may have been too late to save her, he hadn't been too late for hongbin. hongbin was still here, was still breathing, was still alive -- and that wouldn't change not while he had anything to say about it.

"... your mother had the right idea." he replied quietly, his eyes quiet and contemplative and he glances over at the younger with a melancholy expression in his eyes. he didn't want to talk about dead people, not right now -- he wanted to savor the living and relish the breathing they could still do, but if it made hongbin feel better, who was he to say no?

"the... one who died." he whispered softly, the words not really registering or clicking before his eyes widened slightly. "... oh, you mean soojung." he said softly, a faintly amused smile tilting up his lips despite the painfulness of the situation.

"soojung was never my girlfriend." he said easily before he exhaled quietly. "... you knew, right? about blue bloods." he didn't know how much the younger had known about the hidden world that he himself had been born into. how much would he need to explain?

tiffany-rb

☾▫ — ' Tutor ' Leo & Tiff

Tiffany wasn’t really the one to need a tutor, but recently she had been having so much on her plate she was beginning to struggle. Her teacher had insisted on getting a tutor or at least someone who could help her along the way. And that’s what she did. She managed to get Leo to help her. They had seen each other around school but barely ever spoke to each other so she had no idea what he was like or would be like towards her.

Lugging her shoulder bag around all day was starting to become a pain and having to pull the strap up on her shoulder constantly was starting to annoy her a lot. Checking her watch one final time she took in the time and let out a sigh. Where is he. She hated when people were late. It was one of her pet hates, and it annoyed her greatly. Her eyes gazed down the long hallways in hope she might catch him.

She was lent on the door to the room they arranged to meet for their first lesson or first proper meeting. Slowly she ran her fingers through her hair and hummed a melody to herself as she waited for her tutor to get there. Hoping that he would have a good exuse when he did show up

#p:tutor #fb:tiffany #( sorry i took so long )#( i had to find his muse again. )#( and think of a reason why he was late lol )

he had been told to meet someone at a classroom as a special favor to a teacher, and he had only sighed and agreed reluctantly, as he hadn't wanted to leave hongbin alone for too long. he recognized that the other needed space ( she had, too, while she lived ), and so he'd agreed to tutor a student for a certain amount of time each week. hongbin had agreed quietly to wait for him either on the roof, or with one of his other few friends, and leo knew he had to take a breath and let the other step away from him once in a while.

( it was just hard to, knowing what had happened the last time he left her alone. )

today, it had taken him a while to part from the younger male -- hongbin had been visibly upset, and he couldn't have just left the younger there, not like that, so he had taken the time to calm the younger down and work a smile out before he'd left. it'll only be an hour, he reassured the younger quietly.

that led him to where he was now, walking down the hallway towards the classroom that was their arranged meeting spot, and he spotted her standing there silently. he gave a quick bow as he approached her, and he apologized quietly, "i'm sorry i'm late." he provided no explanations -- there was no need, what had happened had happened and there was no point in justifying it.

- safety ( by your side ) ; hongbin / leo

"oh … y-you’re awake," hongbin stammered, awkwardly standing in the doorway of his own room. his plan had been to come back and gently shake the other awake and hand him the cup of tea, but that plan had gone out the window now. he could see the tense line of the other’s shoulders, and as the cups were taken out of his hands he let a small smile turn the corners of his lips up.

"… i’m sorry." he hadn’t meant to scare the older male, he had just wanted to do something for him. he had been taken care of by taekwoon the entire duration of his stay, and he would never be able to repay the other’s kindness. but he hoped the little things he tried to do around the place would somehow lead him along. like what he was doing right now. when the other turned away from him, he sucked in a deep breath before laying a gentle hand on his arm.

he was sure that the reason the other stole into his room every night was because he was paranoid. the nightmares he had witnessed the older male have after soojung died were probably the source of this paranoia, this fear that he would be too late to save hongbin if anything were to happen to him. it was a hunch, because of the fingers that found the side of his wrist every night. that was a pulse point, and it was probably how he was assumed to not be dead all the time.

there was nothing he could do in his power to remove this fear from the older male, and he wished he could. he wanted to so badly just have him be okay, like how he had been before the other’s death. “hyung ….” hongbin started, trailing off as he tried to form the sentence he was trying to come up with. “how did …. you and your g-girlfriend meet …?”

he reached out silently, pulling the younger male into a tight embrace with a soft exhale, the pounding of the younger boy's heart sounding quietly in his ears. "i was scared that i'd lost you..." he whispered softly into the other's ear, pulling back slightly to look at him with a relieved expression. eventually, he released the other, sinking down onto the bed and patting the spot next to him, tugging the younger down when he took too long to seat himself. slowly, he took the cups of tea and handed one back to hongbin, holding the other one for himself.

"thank you," he whispered softly, "for the tea." he didn't know if hongbin understood why he stole into his room every night, why he placed fingers against the other's wrist, but that didn't matter much. what mattered was that he was allowed to keep doing it, to reassure himself that the younger one wasn't dead and that he wasn't dying anytime soon.

hongbin's question took him by surprise and he looked up at the younger from where he had been staring down into his cup of tea. "my... girlfriend?" he questioned quietly, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "i don't have a girlfriend, hongbin..." he was at a loss as to what the younger male could possibly be talking about -- he'd never had a girlfriend before ( at least, not to his knowledge ), and he doubted he ever would. soojung had taken up a majority of his time as they were growing up, and now that she was gone, hongbin was his priority. he didn't have time for a girlfriend, not when soojung had been his entire world. he still didn't have time for one now, because hongbin had taken over that position of being the one his world revolved around.

- safety ( by your side ) ; hongbin / leo

it was starting to become a habit to wake up to the slight pressure of fingers on his wrist and a weight on the side of his bed now. it had become almost a daily thing and he still wasn’t sure why it was a daily thing. taekwoon had never said anything, just smiling at him and leaving the room each time he accidentally woke him up.

but this morning, it was still early, he was woken up the moment the older entered his room. he didn’t move, kept his breathing steady and his eyes closed. he suspected the other needed this for some reason, so he wouldn’t take it away from him. taekwoon had been edgy since soojung died, so he didn’t want to push the other too much. but, hongbin was confused, very much so.

once he felt the other settle down on the side of the bed, and he could hear the soft breathing that indicated that the older man had fallen asleep, he got up slowly.

he carefully edged his arm out from taekwoon’s grip before slipping out the door.

hongbin quickly made his way downstairs, he wasn’t sure how long it would take for the other to wake up even if he was starting to sleep more without waking up at the lightest of movements like before. he heated up some hot water, and made two cups of tea. he wasn’t sure why, but he knew taekwoon needed the comfort.

there was something in the way that the older man relentlessly stole into his room every night that worried him. and even though he knew he was only supposed to be staying there temporarily, he’s not sure if he wanted to leave.

(he wasn’t sure how taekwoon would stay sane if he was gone too.)

once the tea was made, he slowly made his way back up the stairs to his room, a steaming cup of tea in each hand, lemon slices on the edge of each and he had to stop outside of his room awkwardly before pushing open the door with his foot.

he dreamed that he was safe, safe with hongbin in his sights and everything was okay, because he wasn't too late, he wasn't going to be too late, and even when the scene blossomed again to soojung, collapsing to her knees, an expression of horror on her face, the scream of utter horror he had let out as he watched the girl he had been raised to protect dying at his feet, in his arms, gone, gone, gone.

he was just waking up when he realized that there was no warmth against his wrist, no gentle thrumming of a pulse against his fingertips, and it was with a panic that he straightened up, jolting to his feet, rubbing at his eyes. he was just about ready to dart out of the room in search for the younger boy when the door opened and in came the very person he was looking for.

he almost visibly deflated, all his worry going out of him in a whoosh as he glanced up at the boy with palpable relief in his eyes, hurrying over to take the cups from the younger with a weak smile. "you scared me..." he whispered, setting the cups down on the nightstand, swallowing down the lump in his throat.

he had thought that he had lost the younger, just like how he had lost soojung weeks ago. if he lost hongbin too, he didn't think he could survive. in fact, he knew he couldn't. he would have given up, and simply waited for death to take him, because what was there to live for if they weren't there?

- safety ( by your side ) ; hongbin / leo

he had stayed up late that night, working on a new assignment. he had done fine those three days that he had taken care of taekwoon after soojung died, and the excuse of mourning after his mother’s funeral had been accepted as a valid reason for him to have missed the other four days of school. so he was back in classes again, as uncomfortable as ever considering that now everyone knew that his mother was dead. at the hands of his father nonetheless and he kept getting looks. looks of pity.

but he ignored them as best as he could, going about school the usual way. he didn’t talk to many people, as per usual, sticking to taekwoon and hyunseung and ilhoon and keeping to himself when he was alone. he couldn’t decipher the weird looks that were being thrown his way, so he tried his best to ignore them. people were giving him more attention than he was used to and that was nerve-wracking as hell.

hongbin, perfectionist as always, had edited his paper so many times over he couldn’t even find his original work. taekwoon had slept ages ago, he thought, remembering the sound of the other entering his room and the bed squeaking when he laid down and his eyes widened when he glanced at the clock. it was almost three in the morning. he closed his laptop, and took off his glasses to rub at his eyes before deciding it was good enough and he’d call it a day. he was proud of all the work he had done anyway. so he allowed himself to drift off to sleep.

a few hours later, he felt a slight pressure on his hand, though he was too wrapped up in his blankets to really try to figure out what was going on.

though when he actually woke up, he was definitely surprised to see taekwoon asleep on the side of his bed, his fingers just a bit away from his own hand and he couldn’t help but stare. what was happening? what was going on? he had no idea, but as he got up, he tried to be as silent as possible, knowing how light of a sleeper the other was. the slightest rustle could wake him.

he didn't wake at first, face slack and peaceful in sleep, his breathing soft and even, but as hongbin's wrist was pulled from his grasp, he blinked open sleepy eyes, shifting slightly as he sat up, confused and a little dazed. where was he, and what was going on? it was only when he turned his head slightly that he smiled faintly at hongbin, the memories from last night flooding back into his mind, and it was after a quiet "good morning" that he silently got up and padded out of the room. he had a painful crick in his neck, and he wasn't ready to explain to the younger exactly what had been going on in his mind.

everything was okay.

he felt the compulsion every time he woke up from a nightmare involving the horror from weeks ago. it didn't matter that it had been a month, a month and a half, almost two months, he couldn't fight it. the blood woke him up and even though in his logical mind, he knew that hongbin was safe, he couldn't help but hurry over to the younger boy's room, feel his pulse, needing the physical reassurance that he wasn't too late, that hongbin was okay, and that everything was going back to normal.

as normal as it could be without her, that was.

it had become a habit to sink down by hongbin's side, his fingers loosely wrapped around the other's wrist, to fall asleep there and pad out quietly after they'd both woken up. he still hadn't explained it to hongbin, still hadn't explained why he did this every time he had a nightmare -- every night -- still hadn't explained why this was so necessary for him.

he would explain it all in time, though.

it didn't matter that he would wake up with an aching neck and subsequently be tired as he drove hongbin to school, waited for him on the rooftop during classes, and took them back home afterwards. everything he had done for soojung previously all translated over to hongbin now, and he could only hope that the younger wasn't too confused.

he would explain, because hongbin was all he had anymore.

- safety ( by your side ) ; hongbin / leo

red, red, blossoming through the air, across his hands and the only thing filling his vision, and he sees the still bodies of the people he loves. he can hear himself screaming in his head, but no sound vocalizes itself and he bolts upright in bed, cold sweat matting his hair to his forehead and his breathing shaky and stilted. soojung. hongbin. hongbin.

he falls out of bed, scrambling to his feet, the panic racing through his body adrenaline enough to fuel himself even in his barely-awake state, needing to see hongbin asleep, peaceful, needing to feel his pulse thrumming softly against his fingers to reassure him that the other was okay.

okay. they were going to be okay.

he's still quiet when he opens the door to hongbin's room, not wanting to disturb the other male, and his heart calms slightly when he sees the younger male entangled in his blankets, kneeling carefully down next to him and pressing light fingers against his wrist, tension dissipating from his body as he feels the quick, steady thrum of the younger's pulse against his fingertips.

okay. they are okay.

he takes a seat at the side of the other's bed, fingertips still pressed lightly to hongbin's wrist, the soft pulsing reassuring him that everything was okay -- they were safe, hongbin was alive, and he hadn't been too late. his eyes drift shut without him realizing it, and he falls asleep like that, head leaning against the side of the bed, one hand holding hongbin's wrist.

- silent heartbeats ; hongbin / leo

"i won’t," hongbin said softly, covering the other with a blanket before heading back out of the room. he was exhausted as well, but he wasn’t sick. he was okay. he wasn’t the one dying of hypothermia just a few days ago … which brought back the question of what in the world had he been doing a few days ago. but that didn’t matter, he could figure that out some other time.

he started the laundry, sorting out the different colors and the whites before putting them into the machine. then he headed back to his room to finish changing the sheets on his bed. cleaning was sort of therapeutic for him, he had no idea why, but he always did it. his own house used to be spotlessly clean whenever he was freaking out about something, because that meant he could focus on making everything spotless instead of whatever was bothering him.

it wasn’t until he was done cleaning the rest of the house that he realized that he didn’t grab the suitcase from his house, and hongbin casts a glance up at the bedroom taekwoon was in before heaving a sigh — he’d get it tomorrow. he would need it eventually, it wasn’t like he could just borrow taekwoon’s clothes for the rest of his stay there.

it had be four days, his mind told him again, and he frowned before washing his hands quickly and then heading back up the stairs. he was exhausted, but he needed to email his teachers. he had been absent from class without reason, though he was sure he could use post-funeral mourning as an excuse so he wasn’t too worried. it sort of freaked him out that he had worked so hard to get into jeguk but hadn’t actually attended class for a couple days. usually he wouldn’t miss class even if he was on the verge of death. he didn’t have his laptop, that was at his house, so he sighed and cracked open the door of taekwoon’s room gently. he took the other’s laptop and turned it on, seating himself lightly on the edge of the bed as to not rustle it as much.

but in the midst of typing up the second email, this one to sunggyu seonsaengnim, his eyes started to drift close. he wasn’t sure if it was because of the glare of the laptop making him sleepy, or if the sleep that had been tugging on his brain was finally taking over. he lifted his glasses to rub at his eyes and there was a light pressure on the side of his thigh — what? he glanced over, eyes wide, before realizing taekwoon had just rolled over slightly, his cheek pressed gently to his leg and his expression softened and hongbin just shook his head.

he tried to continue to write the email, literally only writing another line about how he’d hand in the project on the monday of the following week before his eyelids finally won the war they had been waging on his conscious mind, and he finally drifted off as well.

- FIN -

#p:heartbeats #rb:hongbin

- chapter three, complete.

❝ on edge ❞ ` sy;tw

she cocks a brow at his name, tilting her head in question. her nose scrunches and her brow furrows in thought. she’s heard quite a few names before, but never one that sounded as off as his own. “…leo?” she repeats, incredulity lining the edges of her tone. “is that your real name?”

she flushes at his words and added expression, waving her hand in the air dismissing the topic. she clears her throat, patting her chest lightly. playing ignorant to that fact, she hums loudly, and twists, glancing over her shoulder at him. “yes — i am, and you came. that’s all good and lovely. great, wonderful, lets go.” without further ado, she reaches back to grab at his arm and tugs it in the direction of the busy road. she pouts her lips out as she looks at him through her peripherals. “there’s a nice electronic shop not too far from here. we’re going to go there.”

she scoffs at his words, and her cheeks tinge an even deeper pink. she shakes her head, hair whipping this way and that as she pulls him along, tugging his arm impatiently when she f eels that he’s moving too slow. “no i don’t,” she snaps. she turns his head towards him, scowling at leo with narrows eyes. “i told you to come here. if you didn’t, i’d be surprised then!”

— not true, if he hadn’t came, it would have been as sooyeon expected. but she can’t let that show. she’s supposed to be confident and coy. not flustered and irritated. she grunts as she turns away. “you just…agreed too easily. and it threw me off.”

he shrugs slightly in return to her question, not really caring if it was blatantly obvious that leo wasn't his real -- his birth -- name, because in the end, it was something he was comfortable with and he wasn't going to let one person's skeptical questions change what he did. "leo... is how everyone knows me." he murmurs softly, letting himself get dragged towards the shops, the cutting edge in her words not really affecting him all too much.

he allows her to lead him along the sidewalk, her pace quickening at his own leisurely one, and he sighs softly because is it really necessary to be so rushed? it isn't as though the stores are going to close anytime soon, and honestly, he just doesn't like to rush. unless soojung's in danger. then, it's a different story.

he shrugs again in response to her accusation, looking up at the sky blankly. "there was no reason to disagree." he replies softly. for some reason, her hand is still on his arm, and even though she's practically dragging him along, he finds that it doesn't bother him as much as it usually would. maybe it's because he can sense the uneasiness that's practically rolling off her in waves, the surprise and discomfort.

#p:onedge #rb:sooyeon

- silent heartbeats ; hongbin / leo

he doesn’t eat too much during breakfast even though there’s enough food for him to get full on. his stomach isn’t taking any of it, even if he wants to eat. he can’t. it was probably because he hadn’t stomached any actual food for those four days that were literally just a blank spot in his memories right then.

when taekwoon leaves the dishes in the sink and heads back upstairs, hongbin sort of stares at the other afterwards and he sighs just slightly. he moves and slowly does the dishes, but he honestly does find it almost therapeutic somewhat. cleaning always did that to him, but the bowl he had eaten out of almost slipped out of his fingers in the soapy slipperiness and he realizes his eyes are closing against his will.

didn’t he sleep for a good twenty four hours? he swears it had been late afternoon when he had fallen asleep the day before and he woke up in the mid afternoon.

what had he done for the past four days?

it’s bothering him more and more when he thinks about it, and though there’s exhaustion pushing at the edges of his conscious mind, he’s almost determined to find out and when he finishes washing the last plate, he places it onto the wire rack and dries his hands before he slowly ascends the stairs to the room he had stayed in before he went home to find … that.

"hyung?" he starts, not really knowing what to say before moving to help with all the laundry, grabbing the basket so that taekwoon wouldn’t just be carrying sheets in his arms.

maybe he should wait or something. and he pushed it away from the forefront of his mind and he took the laundry basket instead, moving out of the way to see what the other wanted to do. he’d help as much as he could, especially since he was only tired and not ill and he finally tugs everything out of taekwoon’s hands and shakes his head.

"you’re sick hyung," hongbin says softly, swallowing hard before taking the other’s arm and tugging him back into his bedroom. "you should rest."

#p:heartbeats #rb:hongbin

he allows hongbin to take the laundry basket, looking utterly exhausted and half dead on his feet, his eyes blinking languidly as he tries to stay awake, stumbling slightly even though he's barely carrying anything anymore, and when the younger boy tugs everything out of his hands and leaves him standing there uselessly, it's even harder not to just pass out where he's standing, dizzy and nauseous.

"n... no, i have to..." he murmurs, but his own eyes are betraying him and he rubs at them with his free hand, trying to stay awake. it's no use and he ends up following hongbin back into the bedroom, falling onto the bed with half open eyes, staring up at the younger blearily.

"don't... don't let me sleep... too long..." he mumbles softly, scooting up slowly on the bed until his face is pressed into the pillow, rolling over closer to the middle of the bed, his eyes already closing, sleep reaching up and putting her hands on his shoulders, tugging him down into the depths.

❝ on edge ❞ ` sy;tw

once she sees that he’s fully out of his car, she narrows her eyes at him. she’s on edge — she’s used to people not following through. it’s hard to keep hope in people when you’re constantly let down. so this little change in scenery, so to say, has her mind whirling.

she pauses, and flushes at the question. she hadn’t introduced herself, and that had been one of the many rules she had been taught as a child. sputtering, she attempts to regain a good hold on her words; she coughs, and glances away, scuffing her foot in embarrassment. “sooyeon,” she sniffs. “jung sooyeon — and yourself?”

she taps her foot in a pattern, and shifts awkwardly. she’s never really been out with people she doesn’t know. there are people she’s gone out with under her parent’s influence — but she’s known something about them. their family stature, their name, their age — all basic things, but essential items. this man here, was a stranger indeed.

"so, um. you —- you came," her words and clipped and quick, and she flickers her stare up to meet his briefly, before shooting back down as she glances away.

he doesn't say anything about her obvious discomfort, glancing away silently before she speaks again and he glances back her way. "leo." he murmurs softly in return, choosing not to disclose his real name, as was often the habit. it helped him keep a certain amount of distance, after all, and it helped keep people from pushing themselves too close to him. "jung leo..."

he looks away again, sighing softly, the sound passing his lips before she speaks again, and he turns slightly. "mm... you're the one who called me here." he pointed out softly, raising an eyebrow slightly. why would she have called him here if she hadn't expected him to show up?

"you... sound surprised. that i'm here." he mumbles quietly, sunglasses still perched on the bridge of his nose, diverting the glare from the bright winter sun. with a sigh, he thinks to himself, this is why he doesn't interact with other people. they were too complicated and he just didn't understand how things worked, not after having spent so much time focused on one person and only one.

#rb:sooyeon #p:onedge

- silent heartbeats ; hongbin / leo

he just nods, flopping back on the bed as taekwoon leaves the room. he pats down his pockets, wondering if he had his phone on him. and surprisingly, he does. reaching into his pocket, he gives a little sigh when the battery is dead (obviously) and he heads downstairs to find the charger.

once he’s in the hallway, he can hear the little retching noises coming from the direction of the bathroom and he stops in his tracks. was that … ? he scrunches his eyes closed, and he’s debating if he wants to go and help but then he realizes that the other was probably hiding this from him. he didn’t want hongbin to see him like this. and hongbin would respect that, he thinks, letting out a little exhale before he continues down the stairs. he’s relying on the railing to keep him upright and it’s bliss when he can sink down into the carpet beside the charger to plug his phone in.

and as he’s glancing around, squinting, he finally finds out where his glasses are and he rushes towards them, sprawling on the ground to get them and once he places them back on his nose he heaves a sigh of relief.

everything is clear again.

when taekwoon is finished with his shower, he’s sitting crosslegged on the floor beside his phone. it’s been four days since anything happened that he remembered. four days. why doesn’t he remember anything that happened in the past four days? he remembers the funeral, he remembers dragging taekwoon away from soojung’s grave, he remembers getting back and he remembers taekwoon dying. and then he remembers waking up in the other’s arms and nothing before that.

how could’ve four days passed by without anything in his memory? was he going crazy?

(he’s missed four days of classes, but he doesn’t want to think about that right now. he’ll apologize when he gets back to class.)

he’s still dressed in the dress shirt and dress pants that he wore to the funeral. the suit jacket is tossed over the back of the arm chair and he’s confused as hell, but he gets up and leaves his phone to charge before grabbing a clean towel and a change of clothes from the room he had been staying in before. his mind drifts to the suitcase full of clothes that’s sat in the living room of the house he lived in with his parents and makes a mental note to get that as soon as he can.

in the shower, he turns the water as hot as it can go without scalding him and it burns as it hits his body. every single cut and abrasion he had even gotten stings and he cries out. (nothing hurts as much as the water running over his forearm though.) he has to grit his teeth, but once he gets used to it, it’s relaxing, the steam rising around him calms him as he washes his hair three or four times and scrubs himself down. he feels human again when he steps out and dries himself. his entire body feels raw all over, as if he had just scrubbed himself to pieces but it’s like he’s renewing his entire body. he’s sore and he aches. but he’s clean.

"hyung?" hongbin says, a bit surprised when he walks into the other room, dressed in a tank top and sweats, and sees the other taking the sheets off of the bed. he has a towel hanging on his head, having been too lazy to properly dry his hair and his glasses in hand. "wh-what are you doing?"

#rb:hongbin #p:heartbeats

he's so lost in his own thoughts that he almost doesn't hear the younger boy's question. he gathers everything into his hands and tosses it on the ground before he glances up at hongbin questioningly. "mm? ... changing the sheets." he murmurs softly in return, blinking softly up at the younger before he pads towards the hallway closet to pull out new sheets.

even though the younger is standing right there, he doesn't ask for help, doesn't want to. he doesn't want to burden the other, and it's not like this is difficult -- he can do it himself easily enough, despite the fact that it's a queen bed. it only takes a few minutes and he's done, gathering the dirty laundry in his arms and dumping it out in the hall for the time being.

"i'll change yours, too. after breakfast." he murmurs with a gentle tilt of his head, a questioning tone in his voice. it would be nice to start everything over in the house, he thinks. maybe then, he can walk around without being reminded (painfully) of her at every turn.

breakfast is a bit of a quiet affair, and he ends up not eating much since he's not feeling particularly well in the first place. the dishes are left in the sink -- he can deal with those later, but right now he has things to get done.

he's exhausted already, though. he doesn't know if it's because he's not feeling well, or because he just hasn't slept enough, or just a little bit of everything all mixed together.

it's not long before he's visibly trying to stay awake and on his feet, his eyes blinking slowly as they try to ward off sleep while he tries to change the sheets on the bed that'll be hongbin's, tries to start up the laundry and clean up from the mess of the past two weeks.

he has to be busy; he's scared that if he thinks too much, he'll lose himself again.

- silent heartbeats ; hongbin / leo

the moment he sees the water, he all but dives for it. he’s so parched and thirsty and he’s honestly not even sure if his voice is working anymore and when he gets the cup handed to him, his eyes are wide and he drinks it quickly. it’s gone within seconds and he scrambles up to get more. it felt like heaven to have something running down his throat and he drinks half the pitcher before he stops.

when was the last time he had eaten? when was the last time he had slept? hongbin glances over to the calendar on the wall … but that doesn’t help him since he has no idea what day it is.

he’s been wondering what had happened since he woke up. there are bits and pieces that are forming together in his memory but he’s not sure since the past couples days — days? weeks? hours? however long it was since he thought taekwoon died — was a complete blur. he doesn’t remember anything that happened, only remembering that he thought taekwoon had died and then waking up, shaking in the other’s arms. it was a jumbled mess because he’s sure a couple days had passed between the last two events that he remembered but it doesn’t piece up properly. there’s a huge gap and he’s not sure what happened there.

he settles back down on the bed when taekwoon returns and he frowns as the other starts cleaning the wounds on his forearm. “i … r-remember having a b-bandage on there …” he says slowly, furrowing his brows as he stared at his arm.

there was so much that wasn’t linking up and he wasn’t sure why.

he’s also not sure if he wants to know what happened or not.