redemptions.

A million choices, though little on their own Become the heirloom of the heaviness you’ve known

[rcdcmptions-blog]

steve.

steve’s hesitated by the cracked door, his anxious stomach begging him to just put his mind at ease like it did every night before and just take control. he trusted natasha; more than anyone. but the urge was still there. it didn’t feel right, sitting on the sidelines while nat attempted to soothe her, it should be him in there reading, shushing, lulling. but like all cycles, it had to be broken. and like all dependent cycles, it was borderline painful to do so. but he couldn’t keep sleeping on her floor forever and he didn’t have it in him to refuse her if she asked. he forced himself back onto the bed with an agitated sigh and rattling leg. natasha wasn’t her mother, his mind insisted. who could know when they’d be forced to separate; was it fair to let her become attached and comfortable just to take it away? he was back on his feet, hovering–– pacing. no, natasha wasn’t her mother, but he wasn’t her father either. it was a bitter reminder, deep in his subconscious that flared up each time she called him steve. he almost reached for the door before huffing irritably and once again returning to the edge of the bed. they’d rescued sarah; twice now, and this was all he could offer her. hotel rooms and fear. a lifetime of looking over their shoulders. just because this life was better than she’d endured, didn’t mean it was enough.

he glanced up at the sound of the door, catching the look in her eyes before averting his gaze politely. this wasn’t easy on any of them. the hardest part was that they were all very aware of that. “don’t worry–– got the reminder on my phone,” he smiled dutifully, holding up the phone as though it were some sort of proof despite its black screen. he hadn’t forgiven himself for leaving her favourite sweater behind last time, and so… the checklist was born. he hadn’t noticed that he’d wound up on natasha’s twin bed instead of his own, but found himself thankful for the proximity as she sat beside him. it was hard, not to reach out and accept the comfort but he remained rigid. “you know I’m fine,” he answered, nose crinkling softly as he shook his head dismissively. “you know, you’ve never actually tried reading me a bedtime story romanoff. i don’t think we can rule it out just yet.” he leaned back on his elbows, feet awkwardly planted on the floor as he hovered half between laying down and sitting up. “how was she?”

natasha is many things: an assassin, a russian citizen, a leader, a fugitive, a skilled babysitter less so. steve was a much better option for the girl, he had a way of being gentle and she had watched as he had taken to being the girls guardian like breathing. she knew what a traumatic childhood could do to a person so she’d do anything to save sarah from that. she could at least be there to listen, to understand and help keep her safe. it hadn’t been a question when she discovered what ross was doing in that lab. the consequences of even that snap decision, however, meant that they now had a responsibility to the little girl in their care, which is where at least trying to make sure she was comfortable without steve at her side every minute came in. tucking her in was a rather surreal experience given that it was something that she had only really experienced through films or tv rather than for herself, but she did her best reading her favorite book and reminding her that the two of them were only just in the other room, sam just down the hall should she need them. in the back of her mind she could hear the other pacing, but she paid the fact little attention. he had trusted her with this and she was going to make sure sara was alright without him.

she nods as steve spoke unable to stop the amusement from showing on her features. “you know, for a hundred-year-old man you do okay with technology,” she could picture steve back in the forties endlessly scribbling to-do lists into notebooks but it didn’t seem quite right anymore.  he’d seemed to outgrow the thought in the same way he didn’t seem to fit in that hotel room. “somehow i don’t think roald dhal has a book for adult supersoldiers but i could always check google,” she speaks in amusement before her tone turns more serious. “far too mature,” she notes quickly. there’s a part of her that simply doesn’t want to worry steve but a larger part of her knows that the situation commands honesty. “she should be worried monsters under the bed not hiding from ross, it’s like trying to say goodnight to an adult,” she sighed speaking softly “but she seemed to settle alright when i reminded her that you weren’t going to be going anywhere, that and some bribery about her and sam doing something fun tomorrow i think she’ll be fine,” 

[rcdcmptions-blog]

was it wrong to love her job? sarah wasn’t sure. it wasn’t right to be glad her job existed. shield should not have been necessary, the world should have been kinder, safer, warmer but it wasn’t and as a result shouldn’t she at least therefore be glad that they were there to be the buffer, to keep people safe. if she managed to feel better about herself at the same time then wasn’t that an added bonus? following in the footsteps of her parents, heroism was in her blood (admittedly along with a lot of other things) it did no harm to use that to her advantage especially here where she was out of the public eye, granted some level of protection and could be good despite everything she was designed for.

with one last hit to the male in front of her sarah’s duties were complete. she had taken all the heavy hitters so that the accompanying team of agents could get the intel from the base she needed. it wasn’t the prettiest mission assignment but it was necessary and she trusted her team to get this done. “alright, level two is secure. how are we looking elsewhere?” the female spoke into her earpiece as she bent to pick up her shield from the floor. shuri was going to get incredibly annoyed with her if she managed to lose it. movement in her peripheral vision put her into high alert once more, fists raised ready for a fight. moving to swing a fist at her opponent she was not ready to loose her upper hand, except when her eyes caught sight of just who that was. “scott!!” her tone had lost all of it’s usual confidence as she jumped back. “what are you doing??”

[rcdcmptions-blog]

“when we have to move on make sure one of us packs matilda,” she spoke gently, trying to keep her voice down so as to not wake the small child who she hoped was now asleep in the room next door. she had spent nearly an hour reading with her, trying her best to make her feel settled. there was no doubt that life on the run was hard on anyone, a person only had to look at the way the four of them had been living out of hotels for the past year, but for a child wholes life had been torn up over and over again it must have been catastrophic.“if not we’re going to have a very annoyed little girl on our hands,” 

she carries her mug of tea with her as she talks as she takes a seat on her bed. natasha’s gaze is soft as she looks over at steve, concern filling her. it wasn’t just sarah that she knew this was hard on. it didn’t matter that it had been a year since they rescued his daughter, the wounds ran deep. “how are you holding up? i’m sorry i can’t just read you a book to make things better,”

[rcdcmptions-blog]

the streets of new york city were a little too clean. it was a strange thing to notice about a dream she knew but lydia had never been anything if not someone who placed a little too much emphasis on detail. the small things that people said, people’s small habits, like the crooked way they smiled. things in the corners of photos. the list could be much longer. it was what came from a life of fading into the background she supposed, not that the reason mattered all that much. 

the sun was just a little too bright as the pair of them walked down their road to nowhere. she swung their hands as they walk, grateful for the breeze against her skin that her summer dress allows. there was no fear there. just the hazy, happy feeling that she was sure was supposed to be accompanied by music from a romcom.

this is the life she is not allowed to have, not just the hand holding or the summer dress but the way that they seem to be touching from fingertips to shoulder, no millimeter of space left between them where they could help it. the way that this version of seth is able to stop them right there in the middle of the sidewalk tracing a stray hair back behind her ear. the way that this seth can touch her cheek, the feeling of his touch sunlight warm, the taste of his kiss like the lemon drops her mother used to steal for her from the shop on the corner.

she knew by the tight feeling in her chest, the drowsy feeling in her head that that moment was not real, the near startling moment where you’re not quite asleep but not awake either. she let herself enjoy it anyway, even though she knew it would only cause her pain later. she lets herself be comfortable without feeling guilty at least until her and seth were suddenly a step away, then a metre or two, then he was on the other side of the road, then further and then further still.

lydia wakes to an empty bed. cold sheets there to embrace her fingers when she reaches, searches for the one person she wanted to be there next to her. grounded back to reality. a feeling of dread settling in her core when she realised that he wasn’t going to be there. he could never be there. still there’s a longing in her chest that wont settle, a score of loneliness she was almost certain she had been hearing her entire life. there was no way she was going to go back to sleep now, not after that. so she decided to take another option. getting up from her bed (or at least the thing they called a bed, no one said life on the run would be glamorous) and grabbing her elbow length gloves from off the bedside table. then she picked up her sweater from where it had been abandoned a few days before and pulled it over her head, added to the sweatpants and socks the female covered just about every inch of skin she could. 

it was a short walk from her room to his, each steps she takes is cautious, careful as if the wrong move might make her change her mind. he doesn’t stir as she enters the room clearly having worked himself to the point of exhaustion. the thought makes her heart lurch in her chest. he might have the entire mutant race to worry about but for lydia, her responsibility was to him alone. he was hers to care for, at least to the best of her ability.

she carefully takes a seat at the edge of the bed, quilt already moved out of the way disturbed by seth moving in his sleep. then carefully trying to keep as much distance between them as possible (doing her best not to think about what one stray touch to her face could do) she lay down next to him. shifting onto her side, at least here she could watch him while he slept, assure herself that he was not about to fade away. 

still even that didn’t seem to be enough, so against every single instinct in her body she reached out her hand again, only this time to find his there waiting for her. she took it gingerly, trying not to wake the other. usually she was the voice of caution, always almost too careful but in that moment she needed someone to hold onto. 

even if it was only for a little while.

[bismoaking]

(insp.)

[wickanderhalovar]

Yup. Just another dead girl in a field.

[dailystevegifs]

See you in a minute.

Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (2012 – 2019)

[mazqueen]

Everyone just calls me Beck.

[sedregina]

He took a kid, David, and she is very important to me.

[rcdcmptions-blog]

cvptainsrogers‌:

CHAOS. it all blurred together after a while. in a years time, would he be able to differentiate this; burning, rubble reducing, wasteland day from the others ? he doubted it. blood was blood, fire was fire and this was just another day in the age of “ H E R O E S ” . it was an embarrassing inditement of new yorks finest when the frantic evacuee’s listened to his barking commands, rather than the screeching megaphones. he stood front and centre, shield at the ready directing people where to go as he moved from building to building looking for signs of distress. sarah had slipped away from his side, but steve never worried. ( well, that wasn’t true. he always worried–– but she’d hate to know it. ) still, he kept an eye out for her over the heads of civilians.

the area needed to be cleared, it was impossible to find survivors among hundreds of adrenaline-soaked and visibly rattled people. a perimeter was being established, but much too slowly for comfort. until it was known who was behind this; they had no way of knowing what to expect. another explosion ? the sky to reign bullets from above ? the brotherhood even ? it wasn’t so long ago that anti-mutant rally’s had marched these streets. he watched for irregularities in the faces that blurred by, but there was no denying that the rogers had arrived on this scene blindly.

steve spotted sarah only moments before she’d clocked him. RELIEF set into his bones as she closed to the distance, standing at heel as he motioned to keep it moving. ❝ big words from someone barely keeping up, ❞ steve retorted, nipping back as he pointed out the overturned school bus he’d previously assisted. ❝ just one kid, huh ? ❞ they shouldn’t be teasing, not with such urgency in the air. he knew that. and even still, steve knew that levity is what would keep them sane. it was only a matter of time until they were pulling bodies from the wreckage and all lightheartedness would fade again. ❝ if you’re done, this is the last quarter to comb. once we’re finished here, we go help the police secure the surrounding blocks so the ambulances aren’t locked up in foot traffic. all clear ? ❞

so much of sarah’s life felt like it had been spent on a battlefield, it felt almost cruel to admit it given how hard both of her parents had worked to ensure she was given safety, people to rely on, a place to call home. she had had to fight long before steve had rescued her (the first time). it was simply in her blood she supposed the same way that it was in his. she should have died, back in that lab along with the other ghosts of the children that now haunted her, it was a thought that occurred to her often enough. was that what was keeping her up at night? survivors guilt? sarah wasn’t even sure anymore. in the middle of the night it all seemed to blur together until she couldn’t even tell one thing from another.

but no matter what she thought, she didn’t. she’d been through hell in the years following and yet she was still standing, still fighting. cadmus, ross, anyone else could try to limit her any way that they wanted but it wasn’t going to work. she kept going, kept fighting, kept loving as if each one was a hit to the people she hated most. if playing hero was the price she had to pay for her life now then she would pay it over and over again.

“and here i thought all acts of heroism were important,” she responded with a laugh, repeating back something he had said to her once. usually sarah couldn’t really be reported to be the type to follow orders. she was her parents daughter in that regard, hesitant to listen to authority, but in moments like that when the whole world seemed to be on a cliffs edge she did her best to listen. so she nodded as he spoke, being serious at least for a moment though a smirk still manages to find a way onto her lips as she speaks “aye aye captain,” adding a mock salute for good measure. she took another look at the destruction around them before sighing. “you know if you wanted to enforce a family holiday after this i don’t think anyone is going to complain,”

[rcdcmptions-blog]

@cvptainsrogers “hey now. it’s okay,” sarah did her best to speak gently to the kid in her arms. the little boy currently in her arms couldn’t have been more than six years old, separated from his mother by one of the many blasts that had sounded in the city. he’d been stuck inside a building that was deemed to be too unsafe for the emergency services to go into. the mother had been sobbing by the time sarah had arrived on scene clad in her navy uniform trying to help. it was times like these that reminded the female why what she did was so important. the emergency services might not have been able to go in, but that said nothing about a super soldier unrestricted by paperwork. she had been in there in seconds, determined not to return until the kid was safe.

 “i’ve got you, it’s okay,” she spoke again as she was able to retrace her feet back to the exit. “see we’re nearly there now... gonna get you back to mommy in no time,” sure enough not more than a few moments later sarah was handing the boy back to his mother, trying to tell her that she didn’t need to thank her a hundred times. the arrival of steve in her peripheral vision was a welcome excuse because she ‘had to keep going, had more families to help,’

moving to stand at the other’s side, the facade of nomad was dropped for a few moments. replaced by sarah alone. there was no need to attempt to hide things from the other, not when he would likely just see through her anyway. “you holding up okay old man?” there’s a smirk on her lips as she speaks. despite the fact she was aware this was certainly not the environment for joking around. she had managed to save someone, a kid who might have been dead without her. she was allowed to find joy in that. “i know these things can get a little tiring for you these days,”

[rcdcmptions-blog]

@soldierpoctking “i thought i told you to watch your footing,” it was true that sarah hated having to sound so stern, but if something happened to her little sister on her watch she would have never forgave herself, and given that she she had just had to pull the other back from danger. “powers or no powers it’s not safe to be here so you’ve got to watch out”

[rcdcmptions-blog]

@soldierpoctking “tea?” sarah’s voice is distracted as she speaks over the coms system. there was nothing like moving debris around to take most of your attention. “first of all, if you’re grounded please tell me that your out of the immediate danger zone,” she’d seen her flying around in the suit, but that had been earlier in the day and she was well aware that the other had a tendency to be cautious, the major difference between her and her room mate. “secondly did you see anything that might point to who did this? it’s a mess out here,”

[wiildflowers]

(　◕‿◕✿)

[captainsamerica]

[dailyevanstan]

Gifted (2017)

[rcdcmptions-blog]

( elizabeth lail, twenty-four, cisfemale ) looks like [ SARAH ROGERS ] is being passed the mantle from [ STEVE ROGERS ] ! who knows what [ SHE ] will do with all of that responsibility ! i hear they are affiliated with the [ HEROES ] and can be associated with [ MESSY BUNS, AN EYEBROW RAISED IN JUDGEMENT, BEING AWAKE AT ODD TIMES OF THE NIGHT ] ! who knows what they’ll do with all that power !

hey guys it’s admin carter here with my angel sarah aka steve and carol’s murder child. i hope you guys like the graphics because i spent far too long on them, but i know they don’t cover everything so there’s some more important stuff below.

TW: child abuse, 

BIOGRAPHY

so kat and me have done our best to fit sarah into steve’s timeline best we can, but bare with me lol.  

sarah was created as a cadmus genetically engineered clone of steve rogers after they were able to acquire some of his dna. this specific branch of cadmus had one goal: to destroy the avengers as the roster stood post aou so she was designed specifically for that purpose. she was a weapon rather than a person.

the justice league became aware of this branch of cadmus when sarah was seven years old, they then alerted the avengers and it was up to steve and the team to save her.

they manage too just about though it’s a close call though as it’s pretty hard to transport a kid who’s trying to kill you

those first few years were the hardest sarah couldn’t speak, couldn’t read, barely even had a name, but steve refused to abandon her, something she’s never going to be able to him for.

the accords are signed about a year later, a document that puts eight year old sarah in direct danger as people like ross believed that she should be in a government facility. they did briefly get custody of sarah who they deemed to be a national security risk. lets just say steven raised hell to get her back.

she spent the next few years as a fugitive and thus traveling around a lot and being homeschooled by her dad. she was in wakanda when thanos arrived but was kept far away from the danger. her reunion with steve post snap was heartbreaking.

skipping over endgame stuff... she grew up wanting to fight thanos, also in this time she began to become more used to the idea of having a mother in the form of carol, though she missed her a lot when she was in space,

sarah went on her first avengers mission when she was 18 years old though it was pretty hard to convince her parents to trust her with it tbh.

eventually she went to college and got an international law degree and is now being a superhero under the codename of nomad, because she has to feel like she’s using her powers for good ok. it’s just what she grew up around, not to mention she feels like she owes it after she was rescued.

HEADCANONS

okay so she’s a terrible sleeper always has been always will be you are way too likely to find her awake at odd times of the night.

definitely a cat person, she has a tabby cat called ginger and he is the light of her life.

she’s incredibly protective of the other avengers kids mostly because she’s one of the eldest, especially the ones who’ve been through trauma.

there may or may not have been a time where she lifted mijolnir when she was a kid that’s all i’m going to say

seriously though steve was such a good day to her when she was younger, she used to carry his shield because it helped her feel better when she was nervous.

there are still certain points where she’s scared something from cadmus will kick in but on the whole she has a pretty good grasp of things.

i’m probably going to be adding to this later!!

LINKS

pinterest: xxx. spotify: xxx. template: xxx.