ʳᵒᵈᶰᵉʸ ˢʰᵃᵖᶤʳᵒ

[xequivocation]

“Ehm, ey don’t mean ta be crass–” Except for he absolutely did. It was Rodney’s own fault for delving back into this matter, “But ey wasn’t fookin’ yer sister in t’personality was ey? She’s got a big ole set a–” His lips pursed and he nodded, squinting at his friend knowingly as he lifted both hands to make a lewd grabbing motion, “lohvely tits, mate.”

[rcdney]

      Rodney stared at Orin for a moment as he referenced his sister’s tits, and Rod knew three things: one, that leching after Tracey’s tits wasn’t that far-reaching considering she’d had an enormous boob job earlier that year, two, that Orin was only saying all of this to rile him up, and three, that he was still going to punch him for it.

      Without so much as blinking, he sent a firm jab directly at the Irishman’s left eye, with enough force to know him back a bit. And he didn’t really feel too bad for it either, considering he felt the prick fucking deserved it.

      ‘Don’t talk about my sister’s tits, you fucking c...cocksucker.’

      He still loved Orin, somehow.

[promisestheearth-deactivated201]

      “there’s no such thing as too short, giraffe. – whoa, that took an unexpected turn. what sort of thing ar you aiming for there?”

[rcdney]

      ‘Hey, I’m only asking for scientific purposes. Don’t get any ideas, Merida. Besides, you’re the one who made me question iiiiit.’ The last bit he sing-sang, pointing at her with a cocked brow.

[rcdney]

a-kitten-with-claws:

“Okay…..I think there’s something really important we’re overlooking here” she told him as she shifted position a little. “I believe you’re using sexual stimulation as a crutch. And it’s time to kick that crutch away Rodney. I want you to think of a female acquaintance, somebody you already know that you’ve NOT had sex with, in any way. No physical contact at all. Yet someone who intrigues you, fascinates you even”.

Kit reached out to take his hand from his leg, mostly due to the fact that the way he was rubbing at his knee was beginning to irk her, but also to draw his focus completely to her next words.

“I want you to take this woman out on a date, the cornier the better but make sure you can talk properly to her. And at the end of the date, you’re only allowed one kiss, on the mouth but closed lips. Then when we next meet, I want ten facts about this woman that you learned during your time together”. She paused. “Do you know why I’m asking you to do this?”.

      Rodney was looking at her for a long moment as she spoke, his brown eyes filled with something nearly innocent. He was certainly a man, thirty-two years old no doubt, but there was often a certain naivety to him that belied his age. Of course the fact that Kit was an established and knowledgeable woman only encouraged this--he would have done anything she asked at this point, he was looking to her for help. He was lost, felt out of control of his life in many ways, and Kit, being his therapist and all, provided a guideline to some sort of redemption.

      All of this was held in his gaze before he nodded a few times, taking in the instruction. He certainly wasn’t used to dating--and that’s what it sounded like, dating. But he’d humour her. He’d do just about anything at that point.

      ‘Because you’re a sadist?’ he joked, and then all of the innocence was gone from his eyes, replaced with that usual cockiness he emanated that covered up his weaknesses. At least, the best he could.

[deadwatcr-blog]

   ❛ oh yeah, nothing helps you lose weight quite like cannibalism. ❜

[rcdney]

      ‘All this talk about cannibalism is making me hungry. -- We should hit up one of these snack shacks.’

[hirccth-deactivated20160507]

       Darci followed shortly after, her smile growing faintly curious. Honestly, she was surprised she had never heard of the place. She always found herself wandering about, so she was quite excited to try something new — and with a new friend, too.     “Scones are the best, minus the blueberry kind. Let’s just say I had a bad experience with it,” she chuckled shyly, wondering why she’d even mentioned that. “When I was a little girl, I had one too many and it ended up with puking all over the place and let’s just say that I hate blueberries now and it’s all my fault…“     Of course, Darci felt the need to explain herself.

[rcdney]

      Rodney broke out in ugly laughter at Darci’s little story, tucking his hands into the pockets of his Carhartt jacket and rubbing the rough material with either of his thumbs. It was a slight nervous habit but he was warming up to her easily, especially as she felt comfortable enough to tell a story about blowing chunks.

      ‘All right, no blueberry scones. I think I can, uh, remember that much, ha ha.’

[rcdney]

[hernandofuentes]

[expensivetastexox]

X

[aluminummonster-blog1]

[ SMS ;; ROD ]: Great thanks!! [ SMS ;; ROD ]: Oh yeah everythings cool [ SMS ;; ROD ]: Gotta part as a featured extra in some movie!! [ SMS ;; ROD ]: Movie bitches love the pregnant belly ;) 

[rcdney]

      Why did he actually think there might actually be something wrong with her for once? She was a user, and always had been. But he was the idiot who was going to enable her.

      Oh, classic Dee. He couldn’t be mad at her.

sms // Heeey, someone’s moving up in the world. sms // Make sure to think of us little people when you’re rich and famous.

[audreyhornefeelsdreamy]

closed starter

[rcdney]

audreyhornefeelsdreamy:

“Schwarzbier sounds fine… never tried it..” Audrey smiled, twisting a little so she was facing the bar, glancing up it at the other people and trying to decide if it was the kind of place she’d have gone to herself.

It smelled like new money.

The kind of money savvy millennials seemed to have an infinite supply of. The money that bought cute lofts and retro bicycles. Vintage pork pie hats and vinyl collections.

The bar looked edgy, but she just bet you could eat your dinner off the toilet seats.

If you wiped the coke off it first.

Turning back to Rodney, she propped one elbow on the bar, resting the side of her head against her hand, then offered him a lopsided smile.

“So… Come here often?” She chuckled.   

      He ordered two Schwarzbiers and settled against the chair. He loved it here, the atmosphere, the people--sure, it was a hipster’s paradise but then again he was a hipster himself, in many senses of the term. Of course, he never owned up to this title but it didn’t make it any less true. One look at the amount of records and vintage shirts he had in his house would tell you that much.

      He turned to Audrey when she did, just as their perspiring bottles of the nearly-black beer--as the name implied--were set before them, and he lit up in a grin. ‘I do, actually, believe it or not,’ he teased, grabbing his own bottle and raising it to her in a sort of silent “cheers”. After taking a swig, he watched to see her reaction, if she liked the malty taste or not.

      ‘...You should, too,’ he told her after a moment. ‘Come here, I mean. I wouldn’t mind seeing you around.’

[promisestheearth-deactivated201]

      “fire crotch? how d’you know the carpet matches the drapes? and no, i don’t like your brand of ridiculous - you’re far too tall.”

[rcdney]

     ‘Maybe you’re just too short. Ever think o’ that? -- And you’re right, I don’t know. Which is why you should show me. Y’know, prove it to me one way or the other.’

[shesboundtolosearchived-deactiv]

       “ THEN WHY DO I HAVE IT?! POSSESSION IS           NINE-TENTHS OF THE LAW, YA KNOW! ”

[rcdney]

      ‘It doesn’t matter because I’m TAKING IT BACK!’

[theg0ldeng0d-blog]

『♛』━ ━ ━

      ❛❛ What?! Um, no, correction; you have this all wrong. You see, I have the presence of a very influential & sexual man via the internet & in person. I even made myself readily available to any women interested–which they all should be; it says so in my bio! I mean, I have the looks, the brains, money…somewhat.❜❜

      He pauses, he could go on all day, talking about his qualities. ❛❛ I just think there’s gotta be something wrong with the app, cause my presence hasn’t been acknowledged...at all. I mean, are these women shy? Could be, I don’t blame them. ❜❜ He lets out a nervous chuckle.  

     ❛❛ Okay, lets cut to the chase here, Rodney. I’ve known you for a while now, & I need to prove to Dee that I can get more lynks than her in a month, but the bitch has been thriving! I mean, what’s wrong with me? Do I look like I’m getting old to you?❜❜ Dennis will wrap his hands around the other man’s wrists, leaning against the desk, as he lets out a sob.

   ❛❛ Am I balding? Oh god, I’ve put on some weight haven’t I, I KNEW my jeans felt a little too snug this morning…❜❜

[rcdney]

      Dennis’ outburst had taken him by surprise and he wasn’t even sure why. After all, he had known the man for years, since they were kids, and like the rest of the “gang” he hadn’t changed a bit. 

      Sitting there awkwardly with Dennis sobbing, he gently eased his wrists from the other’s grasp and instead decided to hesitantly pat him on the shoulder in the most comforting way he could. ‘Dennis, you’re not balding, and you’re not fat. You look like a model. Maybe not like a beefcake model, but plenty of girls are into the lanky look.’

      Grabbing his phone again, he decided to look through Dennis’ profile to uncover what exactly had gone wrong. After a few moments of scanning, he took a few cautious glances in the other’s direction. 

      ‘Uh, I’m not sure how to tell you this, but I think the reason girls aren’t responding is because this sounds like...the ramblings of a serial killer.’

      Glancing down again, he read aloud. ‘“I enjoy artistry in all forms, whether it crafting my own appearance, which is both David-esque and Adonian,”--Nice, very worldly--“or enjoying the beauty of a woman’s body lying still before me.” Okay, I know what you mean there, but it sounds like she’s dead. Like you like looking at dead women.

      ‘I mean, at the bottom it says, “And to any and all women who disagree with me, I shall flay you for your flagrant disregard of my excellence.” And then it says “sluts”. -- First of all, calling any potential women who’ve actually read this far on your profile “sluts” isn’t really a great start. And I understand that there’s more than one meaning for the word “flay” but you sound like you’re going to cut them up into little pieces. You sound like Hannibal Lecter.’

[wearealldriftingaway-deactivate]

     A small hum left her, nodding at his comment. “ He’s a customer of mine. I spilt water on him and well… ” She shrugged. “ That was the start of our friendship, I guess you could call it. ” She motioned towards him. “ How about you? ”

[rcdney]

      ‘A customer, huh? So what do you do? You got like a... a restaurant or something?’ he asked casually, plucking up a handful of pretzels, one of which he popped into his mouth and munched on. ‘Oh, uh.. he’s my cousin. I borrowed him some money to start this whole business and, well... now he’s invited me to all these banquet things. I mean it’s nice but if I feel weird hob-nobbing with all these hot shots.’ 

      That wasn’t to say he wasn’t one himself, but he still felt like a 32 year-old geek, not a CEO.

[arabellecrane-archive]

[rcdney]

imessage — rodn ey ??

stevie: [image attachment message]

stevie: how about that? skirt with nothing underneath :)

stevie: tell me rodney, how long do you think you're gonna last?

rodney: Jesus Christ.

rodney: Not very long that I got a look at that perfect cunt of yours.

rodney: When's the last time you've been fucked? And not some guy at the bar who can hardly get it up because he's so drunk. I mean fucked so hard you lose track of how many times you cum.

[quebroma]

[deathrisen]

officialfrenchtoast:

me as a parent.