🛠 A Work in Progress 🛠

Hi! I'm Jaclyn, a 20-something work in progress who's fed up with her eating disorder taking over her life. 

[bridoesotherjunk]

Someone: That’s kinda girly, Thor.

Thor: *excited squeaking*

Loki: That doesn’t mean you’re a Valkyrie now!

Thor: *sad whining*

[nerdisma-deactivated20171202]

“Of course, the importance of coming out is personal. The importance of coming out is that you’re out yourself and your life is changed, I think, for the better. That affects those who love you – your friends, your family, people you work with. I would never say to a celebrity, ‘Come out for the good of society.’ You must come out for the good of yourself. The rest will follow. Nor does it mean that if you do come out, you have to immediately start talking about gay issues as if you were an expert.”

[henryclervals]

we’re almost in the ‘20s and dadaism is thriving, europe’s in a shambles, everyone is broke and the right wing is on the rise so i guess we really don’t learn a goddamn thing huh

[moonisneveralone]

This is really the post I was looking for

[anxietyproblem]

[king]

i asked my bf to make me some fucking hot chocolate and the entire time he was trying to remember that one harry potter spell about turning water to rum anyway he came in with my drink and he just goes “eye of newt, sperm of groot” and i dont remember the rest becasue i just burst into tears

[re-co-ver-blog]

Classes start up again tomorrow, so I’m getting some last-minute cleaning and writing in before life gets hectic again. I still have to make my guac, meal plan, and make sure to print off a copy of my schedule for my second bulletin board. I’m looking after little man again today, and he’s such an angel (when he isn’t spitting up on me or my bed) 

This past week has been the best week for my mental health. I’m sleeping, eating, and I even came up with a new plot idea. I feel clear-headed and ready to tackle every day. I didn’t think that L’s toxicity was affecting me so much. 

My chronic pain that seemed to fade into background pain has come back ten-fold though, so I’m back on the meds for that. I’m hoping it’s just because I’ve let myself become dehydrated instead of anything suuuper serious. I think part of it is that my streets never get plowed, so having to trek through the snow that’s become thick and slushy and terrible is putting more strain on me. Gods, when will it be spring again? 

[re-co-ver-blog]

I have an interview Wednesday!

Hopefully, this means I’m one step closer to getting away from the abusive management at my current job. I really hope this goes well

[re-co-ver-blog]

I hate how much my self-doubt affects me. I hate that I managed to get all As in my courses but I can’t tell myself that I got those grades because I worked hard and deserved them. They must be pity grades, or mistakes. I can’t have earned them. I failed one class, so obviously I don’t deserve the grades in the other. I feel like a fraud, and I have no idea why. I should be proud that I got those grades, but instead I just feel like a liar. I feel like the school is going to notice any day now, and I’ll fail every single class. 

[i-n-d-e-c-i-s-i-v-e]

I can’t wait to meet the love of my life, I hope it happens soon.

[living-fitness]

[everybody-loves-to-eat]

(source)

[michaelmilkers]

listen i know 2019 being the danger days year is kinda memey and all but if theres anything yall genuinely take away from this i want yall to be loud as fuck

go to that protest, punch that bigot, do that graffiti, fuck yeah, but this also goes out to the people who arent in a position to do those things

kiss your partner in public, dont let other people define the language you use for yourself, say “im gay/lesbian/bi/trans/etc” out loud even if its just in the mirror, break gender roles, hell!!! just wear those fucking shoes people say are tacky!!! cut holes in your jeans because you think it looks cool even though you’re embarrassed of what other people will think!!!! 

2019 is the year of making some goddamn noise in any way you can because all of it counts

gender is dead wear whatever you want be kind to your friends and take no shit!! welcome to the zones baby!!!!!!!!!!

[your-recoveryispossible-deactiv]

[re-co-ver-blog]

Moving Forward

2018 was ruthless and knocked me down more times than I can count. I’ve lost family, friendships, and for a bit, my sense of self. I allowed myself to become reliant on other people for happiness, instead of finding it in myself. I let myself fall back into old behaviours and thinking patterns. For the first time in my academic career, I failed a class. I had days and weeks where getting out of bed was so daunting it gave me panic attacks. I relapsed into my eating disorder and self-injury, for a brief period. 

But I also grew a lot in 2018. I got back into therapy, I’ve made new friends and let go of those that only made toxicity fester. I let go of a love that I never thought I’d be able to. I’m connecting more with family, discovered new interests while reconnecting with old ones, and I managed to get an A in every other class this term. I’ve finally figured out what I want my future to look like, and now I can start working towards it.

2019 is going to be continuing that growth. Working harder in therapy, using the aids that are given to me instead of stubbornly insisting I can do it on my own. Communicating more with those I love, and learning to love my body and myself, stopping the habit I have of trying to make myself fit into moulds of what other people want me to be. I’m going to do my best to be my best, and I’m excited for it.