remus j. lupin

i am a fire escape, my spine is made of iron, my heart pumps out old red paint

[janus-wolf]

Stranger // Remus & Sirius

[janus-wolf]

"Say what?" Sirius asked the ceiling, somewhat annoyed that Remus would even think to ask such a question. Wasn’t it obvious? "The whole point was that everyone would think it was me. Who would have believed my word if I said I wasn’t? No one. Not unless that fucking coward confessed." Not that anyone had even stopped to question Sirius. Not a single person even thought to pause and check the last spell he had cast. All apparent evidence had been stacked against him and that had been enough for the Ministry. Not even Dumbledore (fuck the old wanker) had insisted on holding a trial.

"There was no time, even if you would have believed me. He was going to get away." It was the truth but that wasn’t what had gone through his head that night. His thoughts were more along the lines of destroy the traitor. That was all that had mattered to him in that moment. And even if he hadn’t gone after Peter the Aurors would have come for him. He had nothing to lose that night. Had he managed to succeed he might have more easily accepted his fate, gone quietly.

Suddenly, Sirius sat up, causing the drink to slosh violently and threaten to spill over the couch. “But he’s here now, Moony. We can make things better. The Ministry is too stupid to punish him.” A plea for help. A chance for Remus to redeem himself. Sirius turned his gaze to look Remus straight in the eyes, his stare intense, demanding a response.

[readysteadyremus]

Something that Remus would readily describe as a 'deathly silence' settled over his home. He had no idea what to expect, but this... It was shock. Remus was definitely experiencing shock. His limbs refused to move, he was pretty sure he hadn't taken a breath in minutes, and everything in his vision had blurred into one big plane of beige. Then, suddenly, he was breathing too hard, too quickly. He stood violently, and the low table he had been perched on rattled as he backed blindly into it. 

"No," he said, breathing shallowly, words clipped. "No, I can't, not again, I won't, Sirius, I can't kill--" It was almost instinctual, the way he retreated to the corner of the living room. "You have no idea what you're asking of me."

He stood there for a minute, hands over his face, looking for all the world like a man possessed. "You can't play judge and jury again, not again, not after..." He dropped his hands and gave his old friend a desperate look. "Please, don't. This is... this is the wrong path, Pads. I'm not sure of most things anymore, but I know this won't end well." 

[readysteadyremus]

Visit Original Link

Vesuvius, I am here // You are all I have  Fire of fire, I'm insecure //For it has all been made to plan Though I know I will fail // I cannot be made to laugh For in life as in death // I'd rather be burned than be living in debt

[readysteadyremus]

the gainful aftermath ☛ remus & amelia

[aurorbones]

Amelia’s eyebrows rose at Remus’s outburst and she cocked her head to the side. “Yes. Owe it to them,” she repeated firmly. “Gods, Remus, put yourself in their position. Peter’s been on the run, Sirius has been in Azkaban…I know it hasn’t exactly been a cake walk for you either – you lost your three best friends in one fell swoop, but if you want to know the truth, you ought to go to the source.” Her face softened again and she exhaled. Loss was not something she was a stranger to – she lost both her parents in one night, Edgar, his wife and kids in another. Though she wasn’t at all close to her other brother, she’d been terrified for him since tragedy had a way of striking in threes. He’d wanted no part in the war and made it quite clear that he thought his family foolish for their active participation. To protect himself, he’d cut off all ties with them and left the country. He returned for their parents funeral and attempted to convince both Amelia and Edgar to cut ties with the Order, with England, and return to Switzerland with him. When Edgar and his family passed, all she’d gotten from William had been a condolence letter explaining that he couldn’t be involved. They hadn’t spoken since. He hadn’t died, but she’d still lost him.

“Stop being so dramatic,” she chastised lightly, rolling her eyes, “You know that a good owl would find him with just that, but why bother? He comes to my office on a weekly basis. I am, for lack of a better term, his parole officer.”

Finishing off her second drink, Amelia flagged down the barkeep again. “Bring us another round, please. And some food, I don’t care what it is, just something. Please.” The girl nodded, casting a wary glance at Remus that made Amelia roll her eyes again.

She turned her attention back to Remus and sighed. “There is no certainty. Ever. So you might as well let go of that hope right now. The best thing you can expect is clarity. In the eyes of the Ministry and the Order, Peter is innocent. Sirius is innocent. That doesn’t mean they made good or wise decisions or that they didn’t fuck things up royally. But it does mean that they deserve to be able to tell you their side of the story.”

[readysteadyremus]

Remus gripped angrily at the edge of the table and stared at his drink. He understood, logically, where Amelia was coming from, but that didn't mean he agreed. Remus owed them nothing. He was not a traitor. He didn't abandon anyone. He hadn't made the mistake. 

"He comes into your office," Remus intoned dully. "You didn't think about leading with that? 'Gee, Remus, I know you're real torn up about all of the recent news involving your felonious friends; just so happens they swing by on occasion and we have a nice bloody chat.'?"

He leaned back against his chair and looked, for all the world, like a man defeated. "So you know, then? You think I should listen to anything they have to say? Because to be quite honest, I'm not entirely sure I even want to see them again. Either of them. I don't... I wonder if it wouldn't be better, really."

[janus-wolf]

Stranger // Remus & Sirius

[janus-wolf]

"Stop wallowing in self-pity, you prat." Sirius rolled his eyes. This was about as close to an apology as Sirius was ever going to get. He should remember that Remus is the last person to take criticism well. Maybe he’d been gone longer than he cared to admit to himself. "Don’t off yourself for my sake. As flattered as I am by the sentiment I’d rather you stick around." Shit, an apology and a compliment? Sirius Black was on a roll.

Sirius turned to one side and kicked up his feet to lay long-ways on the couch, balancing the glass on his chest. He let out an overly-dramatic sigh and stared up at the ceiling. “Fine,” he huffed as if it were a huge inconvenience to give Remus an explanation. As if it wasn’t just the thing Remus deserved. “We tried to bait them. I was the obvious choice as secret keeper so they would go after me when really the secret was safe with someone else…” He trailed off for a moment. Thinking about that night was painful. He had been in such a rage he could hardly remember the details of what he had done.

When he spoke again his voice was much more quiet, his eyes unfocused as if he were watching the memories play out. “I thought you were acting as a spy,” he admitted. “We thought Peter would be the best choice.” His throat closed up and suddenly it became hard to talk. He convinced James and Lily to pick Peter. He didn’t trust Remus. He let them get killed. “I imagine you can guess what happened next.”

[readysteadyremus]

He should have been hurt to hear it, should have felt shock or betrayal or anger, but instead he felt a measure of relief, not unlike the day when James sat him down, said, 'no hard feelings, mate, we just want Sirius to be his godfather, you understand.' And he had, just like he did now. He understood. Logic was Remus' mother tongue. He understood the risks of letting a werewolf be a secret keeper, letting a werewolf be the protector something. In the days leading up to the fight, especially, he had been reclusive, bitter. Certainly he did not deserve a measure of trust. He understood.

But Sirius... he hadn't even thought. Of course he had wondered about Sirius' intent, and what it was like trapped with nothing but his thoughts for a year--had thought about that Sirius sitting in Azkaban more than was, he figured, strictly healthy--but now something resonated within him. The guilt Sirius must have been feeling... Remus reached out a hand to touch his friend's arm, offer some impossible support, then seemed to think better of it. Stupid, Remus. You don't even know...

"So, Peter... I mean, I assumed, but I had no idea how... I can't stop thinking about why you went after him, though. Why didn't you say anything? I could have... we could have... even if you didn't trust me, the Order, surely, at least..."

[the-rat-tail]

No Light | Peter & Remus

Peter had gotten off work late again. Not that his job could ever really be considered a nine to five, considering he often had to wake up at all times of the night to retrieve random bodies from random homes. But he was working at the office today and was supposed to have left over an hour ago. And, if his boss hadn’t been such an incredible wench, he might have made it out on time and before the rush hour.

It was during the crowded times like this when Peter missed his recluse nature the most. While he’d missed his old life incredibly, he had grown accustomed to low amounts of traffic and rarely running into people he knew. Now, every time he stepped out of his house, it seemed like he was catching the eye of people he recognized. It was the reason he didn’t venture out very often, unless for a quick shopping trip or to go to work, but even then he planned his time accordingly. Which meant no unwelcome visits from Order members (once, his friends) or people who would try to kill him. Though he did have that rather unpleasant meeting with Evan, Peter still felt like the Death Eater wasn’t about to come after him anytime soon.

Which was why, still decked in Ministry robes, Peter hoped to get home as soon as possible. He didn’t need another strange visit with Death Eaters he knew (or didn’t know, but suspected) and he certainly wasn’t ready for any Order member. Not after what he’d done to Lily and James. He was, most likely, the most perpetually hated within that group of people. So when he bumped into someone while trying to navigate through the crowd, he hoped to Merlin it wasn’t someone he knew. 

And it was worse than that.

"Mo -" Peter stopped himself. That nickname wasn’t welcome anymore. He took a step back, shaking his head involuntarily. "No - I… Remus?”

Remus Lupin looked older, but still rather familiar. His robes were a bit more tattered than before, though Remus had always carried around ones with patches, and his hair was darker. New scars littered his face and it almost made Peter want to run away. There had been a time that Marauders were aware of every scratch, scar, or injury the others had acquired during their various activities.

Only a month back and Peter already had to deal with this. He was hoping to avoid Remus for longer, but it wasn’t as if he could run away forever. Not now that Sirius was back out and the two of them were probably chums again. Drinking firewhiskey and cursing Peter’s name. The thought made bile rise up in Peter’s throat, but he pushed it back down.

"Remus," he said again, if only to remind himself that it was really happening.

[readysteadyremus]

Remus had woken up that morning in a rather decent mood. He had worked for a time, made a cup of tea, set about some light housework, and had gone to market. In the grand scheme of the way his days went now, it had been shaping up to be successful. 

It was really only a matter of time. Despite how thoroughly Remus had convinced himself that he was never going to lay eyes on Peter Pettigrew for the rest of his miserable existence, the cosmos did seem to particularly enjoy the tragic hilarity of Remus' life. He hadn't expected it to be so soon, though, nor nearly so abrupt. Perhaps one of them would write a formal letter, declaring intent. Then there would be an RSVP. 'I formally request your attendance to my apology, please no +1s.' 

He really should have expected this, though. He should have just locked himself in his house and never left. As it was, Remus secured his shopping bag and looked down into the face of Peter Pettigrew and did not swear. Something tight settled into his chest, though, and he found himself thinking, unbidden, of the Potter family.

"Peter," he finally said, amazed at the even keel of his own voice. "How--" He cleared his throat. Perhaps asking after Peter's health was not the best idea. "Hello."

Well done, Remus. Truly spectacular. They'll write books dedicated to your wit.

[readysteadyremus]

the gainful aftermath ☛ remus & amelia

[aurorbones]

Amelia accepted her second drink with a nod to the bartender who’d delivered it and sipped carefully. So much for just one drink; she suddenly had a feeling she wouldn’t be getting any more work done tonight. Not that it was a terrible thing; on occasion she was reminded that there were more important things than work. Though she was nearly ten years older than him, Remus was her friend and he needed her. 

"You know I don’t mind," she replied softly, taking a deep breath. "Much of the trial — both trials — is public record, obviously some things were redacted but I can tell you that in both cases things were not what they seemed. Obviously Sirius didn’t kill anyone, seeing as how we know Peter faked his death…" Heaving another sigh, Amelia ran her hand through her hair and took a large gulp of her drink. The slight buzzing in her head reminded her again that she hadn’t eaten, but the thought of food was entirely unappealing. "Whatever they may or may not have done, they were — are — your best friends. Even if it’s uncomfortable I think you owe it to them and yourself to have a conversation. But…in the meantime…what is it you want to know?”

[readysteadyremus]

"Owe it to them?" Remus asked, voice hitched, looking, frankly, manic. "Owe it to them?!" His voice rose several octaves, and he gripped at his drink for want of slamming his hands onto the table. A few disgruntled bar patrons side-eyed their table and Remus gave them a cutting glare. "Amelia, I utterly lack the vocabulary to explain to you how completely I do not owe either of them a thing. Bloody hell, I wouldn't even know how to talk to either of them if I could. Haven't laid eyes on either of them in years, you know, so please tell me what I should do. Just address an owl to Sirius Black, ex-convict, Earth? Put a bloody ad in the Prophet? I don't know if they even want to be found, really, but not stopping in for a chat seems to be a pretty big hint that they don't."

Remus let his head thud into his hands and examined the small scratches on the surface of the table. This was clearly a mistake. He should have just enjoyed a nice evening out and not even brought them up. But.. he sighed. "Sorry. Sorry, I just... I just want to know who really..." His voice hitched. "I just want a little damn certainty in my life."

[janus-wolf]

Stranger // Remus & Sirius

[janus-wolf]

Reluctantly, Sirius obliged to his friend’s request, dark eyes full of frustration for his current situation. His little outburst had already caused him to say more than he normally would have (something he would blame on Remus for riling him up). His first instinct was to interrupt as Remus’ tone turned somber, his second was to give his “friend” the silent treatment as punishment for being so nosy. Rather than do either he opened his mouth and let out a strange sound that belonged somewhere between a swear and an indignant growl.

"You should have swam the North Sea,” Sirius spoke as if it were the obvious answer and Remus was so foolish not to see it all along. “I would have for you. Better than sitting around doing nothing .” He stood, too wound up to sit still, thought better of it and dropped onto the couch again.

"What do you mean why? Why does it matter? You can’t fix it now, Moony.” He looked down at the glass in Remus’ hand, suddenly regretting that he hadn’t taken the chance to refill his own. “Sounds to me like you’ve been drinking too much.” He snatched the glass away and took a gulp himself.

[readysteadyremus]

Torn between wanting to tell Sirius to get out of his house and never wanting him to leave his sight again, Remus put his head in his hands and laughed bitterly. "Well, you're probably not wrong about either of those things. Top marks, Pads. Head of the class."

All of the fight seemed to seep out of Remus, and he sat there with his head in his hands, staring dejectedly at the floor. "So what now, then? I spend the rest of my life wondering if my best friend actually went off his rocker and you spend the lest of yours resenting me for not trying to break you out of the world's most secure prison? Great. Amazing. Ta."

It wasn't like he expected things to go back to normal, wasn't like he even knew what the word meant anymore. But something small and irrational inside of him had hoped, since the day he heard of the Ministry's decision, that Sirius' return would trigger some grand cosmic shift, would bring James and Lily and Harry back to life, would set the world back on its axis again. 

[janus-wolf]

Stranger // Remus & Sirius

[janus-wolf]

Sirius laughed despite the fact that he didn’t find anything Remus had just said remotely amusing. “You don’t think I know they let that little shit get away with this?” Just thinking about Peter was more than enough to cause Sirius to blow his lid. The traitor. “I’ll deal with that soon enough, he can’t hide from me forever.” He punctuated the threat by downing the remainder of his scotch and setting the glass on the counter with a heavy hand.

Always one for dramatics, Sirius threw his hands in the air in exasperation. “And who the fuck do you think I should trust? Trust is what got me into this fucking mess in the first place!” Placing his trust in the wrong people, not trusting the right ones. He crossed his arms with an exaggerated motion and huffed a strand of hair out of his face. “I don’t seem to remember anyone sticking out their neck for me when I hadn’t done anything wrong.” Trust the people who let me rot in Azkaban? The jab was aimed at Remus just as much as any other Order member who hadn’t lifted a finger to help him. He might have regretted saying it if he hadn’t been so riled up. Might have realized why Remus hadn’t finished his sentence.

“What the fuck does it matter to you anyway, whether I talk or not? I’ve already got my Ministry mandated ‘therapy’” (complete with air quotes) “with Amelia fucking Bones, Ice Queen.” Sirius paused, an expression almost like surprise coming over his face. He pressed one hand over his eyes and rubbed, muttering something that sounded like “Merlin” under his breath. Sit down. He turned away from Remus and found his way to the couch, dropped heavily onto the cushions and leaned forward, face in his palms. Fucking Shit.

[readysteadyremus]

Remus was left standing alone in the kitchen, staring into his scotch, trembling with a mixture of anger and startlingly self-aware hatred. Merlin's tit, Lupin, he thought heavily. You've really bollocksed it up this time. He stood there for a time, then drained the rest of his scotch, poured himself another glass with a heavy sigh, and followed Sirius into the living room. There was a low coffee table in front of the couch, covered, like everything else, with stacks of books and parchment and perhaps a dirty teacup or two, but Remus pushed these aside and sat heavily in front of his friend.

"Look at me," he said, quietly, voice surprisingly steady. "Please.

"I suppose it's not really fair for me to demand things from you, so I'm going to tell you something instead." Suddenly uncomfortable with Sirius' gaze on him, Remus stared at the floor and turned the glass in his hands, watched it shine amber in the afternoon light. "I'm not going to tell you about that night. You know most of it anyway, and I... I don't think I could bloody remember it if I tried." He laughed hollowly, took a shaking breath. "I didn't know what happened to you, after. A part of me thought you had died, until I heard. Read it in the Prophet, you know. Not a single person had the decency to... to..." Remus cleared his throat.

"I didn't sleep the night I found out, just sat... right there, actually, right where you are, and thought about it until the sun came up. Look, what I'm trying to say is, and... I don't know if this will make a bit of difference to you, maybe I'm just barking up the wrong tree--" he quirked a small grin, "But I didn't think, not for a second, that you had done what people thought you did. Maybe I should have tried harder, should have swam the bloody North Sea myself, but in that... in that I was resolute. I just... I'm just trying to figure out why."

Remus seemed to run aground with whatever he was trying to say, and he sighed. At a loss, he took a long sip from his drink. 

[readysteadyremus]

the gainful aftermath ☛ remus & amelia

[aurorbones]

Amelia smiled fondly as Remus gulped down his drink, taking several long pulls of her own as if she was trying to keep up. The liquor hit her empty stomach oddly and it was only then that she realized she hadn’t eaten since….when had she last eaten? Dinner the night before, or had she grabbed something for breakfast that day? No matter. It was a common occurrence for her these days to work through meals, her body had become rather accustomed to it. 

"I should hope it’s nothing illegal," she teased, "Or that at least if it were, you’d have the sense not to ask me about it somewhere so public."  

Her expression softened as he finally managed to get to the discussion he wanted to have and she finished her drink in one large swallow, raising her hand to signal the barkeep to bring them another round. Her place on the Wizengamot meant that she had been present at both hearings, privy to the details that the public had never heard. “What have they told you?” she asked, lifting her gaze to study his face. “Have you spoken to them at all?”

[readysteadyremus]

Remus ran a frustrated hand through his hair and stared hard into the bottom of his empty glass. "Haven't heard from either of them yet. Cheers," he told the barkeep and clutched nervously at his new drink. "Most days I wonder if I even want to?" It was definitely more of a question than a statement. Remus may have pretended like he had a plan here, in this bar, with Amelia Bones, but he was floundering. 

"Sorry to dump all this on you, 'Miels, I just..." he gestured uselessly. "I want to know something, instead of just guessing at everything all the time, and let's face it: you're the most well connected person I know who might be able to... bend a few rules for an old friend?" He smiled winsomely, but a tiny part of Remus scoffed at the idea. Amelia Bones was as ethical as they came. But if she couldn't shed light on the situation, Remus was... Remus was adrift. 

[janus-wolf]

Stranger // Remus & Sirius

[janus-wolf]

“So you did miss me,” Sirius grinned and leaned forward, reaching out until his glass clanked against Remus’ and narrowly avoiding a spill. “And here I was, worried you’d forgotten all about me. It is a shame, about the pudding and butterbeer, but I think I’ll manage,” he assured the other.

Why couldn’t they talk about the weather? Why couldn’t they talk about normal things like normal people did? Pretend he had been on vacation. He didn’t want to be treated like someone who was just released from prison. He wanted to be the long lost friend who was greeted with smiles and what right did /Remus/ have to complain anyway? It wasn’t as if he was locked in a cell with nothing to do twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Thoughts were all Sirius had to entertain himself and he wouldn’t exactly recommend that sort of entertainment to anyone. At least Remus had the option to get up and do something, to distract himself.

“Everything is fine, Remus. Look, I’m here. Whole, for the most part,” he gestured to himself with his left hand while taking a drink with the right. “You’re here,” he added, now gesturing at Remus. “So what else do you want from me?” He was doing his best to keep his tone light, best not to rile up Remus any more than he already had. “Keep in mind I just got out of prison not too long ago, you can’t go too hard on me.”

[readysteadyremus]

"Of course I missed you, can't believe you'd think..." It never fucking failed. Sirius Black was a bloody king: he could show up at a... a wake, or someone's deathbed, and make a crack about pudding and beer and everyone would smile in spite of themselves. Remus was not immune to this particular skill, but the small grin he allowed himself was quickly hidden behind his glass

"What do I want from you?" Remus asked, sounding exhausted. "I want you to acknowledge the fact that people we care about are still dying. I want you to realize that Peter..." He took a deep breath. "That Peter's been declared innocent by the Ministry. I want you to..." He stared into his drink. I want you to go back in time. I want you to fix everything I can't fix. 

"Bloody hell, Sirius... we're going to have to talk about it eventually. You can't just sit inside of you, don't you trust--" As soon as it was out of his mouth, Remus wanted to stuff it back inside of him, lodge the word behind his teeth and never speak it again. Trust, Lupin? That's what you're going with? Ashamed, he stared hard at the floor and tipped his drink back. That's the word choice that you think is most applicable to your current situation? 

[readysteadyremus]

the gainful aftermath ☛ remus & amelia

[aurorbones]

"Distinguished…that’s one word for it," Amelia laughed. It didn’t bother her that her reputation had a way of squashing potential suitors, it wasn’t like she had time for a relationship anyway. People had begun to recognize her — that feisty Auror with the ginger hair who somehow managed to survive when the rest of her family was murdered. 

She ordered herself a drink as well and listened to Remus dance around whatever it was he actually wanted to talk about. At his mention of the Minister, she couldn’t help but snort derisively. “Bhavana makes trolls look pleasant,” she groused, “But the only hopes and dreams she’s dead set against appear to be mine. She shot down another proposal this week. And since the seal on the parchment wasn’t even broken, I know she didn’t bother reading it before she rejected it. That woman’s going to be the death of me, I know it.” 

The bartender returned with their drinks and Amelia took hers gratefully, rolling the glass between her hands before taking a sip. “Somehow, though, I think Bhavana is more my problem than yours,” she remarked casually, watching him to gauge his response.

[readysteadyremus]

Remus shrugged a shoulder. "To be fair, as the most important witch in wizarding Britain, Bhavana is certainly everyone's problem."

It wasn't going to happen, though. Remus' shameful ploys wouldn't have worked on a child, let alone Amelia. He laughed weakly and scratched at the back of his neck. Looking flighty and generally uncomfortable, Remus downed about half of his in one go. "Okay, all right, I know better than this. I rather wanted to have this conversation after about four more," he said, shaking his bottle and casting his gaze around the bar.

"I was hoping you might be able to help me with some information. Nothing... illegal, or incriminating, I suppose, just... Merlin." Remus looked for all the world like he had just swallowed a a goblin, and felt just as uncomfortable. "Look, Amelia... It's been a month since Sirius... and..." he cleared his throat. "And Peter..." He didn't know where he was going with this, that was abundantly clear. At a loss, he trailed off and finished his drink, then held it uselessly between his hands, picking at the label. 

[janus-wolf]

Stranger // Remus & Sirius

[janus-wolf]

Sirius scrunched up his face into a look of disgust as if Remus’ reaction had put a bad taste in his mouth. The response was not exactly what he had been hoping for. He inched forward slowly, hand outstretched, eyes locked onto Remus’ expression, until his palm made contact with the newly poured glass. This isn’t exactly how he’d hoped their first conversation would go (though he would be stupid to think this couldn’t have happened) and he was going to need this.

All he really wanted was for Remus to laugh and have a drink with him so they could pretend that none of this had happened. So he could feel normal. So they could start off where things ended and never talk about all the bullshit that happened between now and then. Clearly that’s not where this conversation was going to lead.

“I thought we could start with something more along the lines of…” he sucked in a sharp breath of air and gestured to the empty kitchen “‘Alright, mate? Learned any new knitting patterns while I was away? Who won the world cup this year? Oh, is that right? They bloody well deserve it after the season they had, yeah?’” He looked to Remus for approval, already knowing it wasn’t going to happen. Rather than wait he raised his glass and took a much larger gulp than necessary. Some would call it a waste but at the moment he was more interested in the after effect than the taste. He didn’t want to talk about this and he certainly didn’t want to be sober if Remus wasn’t going to let him avoid it.

[readysteadyremus]

"Yes, certainly, Sirius, let's do that." Remus lifted the bottle and topped off his own drink, sat it down again even harder than the first time. "Yes, let's talk about the bloody World Cup. The way Lundstrom just--" He reached out and clenched his fist with ironic triumph, "just caught that snitch. Truly remarkable. We had a bloody party after, loads of treacle pudding, tanks of butterbeer, shame you missed it, being all imprisoned at the time."

Stomach turning uneasily in his chest, Remus leaned back against the counter. "Merlin, Sirius, it's not like I'm trying to..." he waved his glass, a little unsteady, "it's been over a year, you know, over a year of me just sitting around wondering. Asking myself questions I can't answer. Trying to pretend like everything's fine, like it..." His voice broke and his gaze dropped to the ground. "It's not like you're coming back from a vacation in Key Largo, we can't just catch up on the bloody weather. Try to think for a damn second of something other than yourself, would you?"

[readysteadyremus]

the gainful aftermath ☛ remus & amelia

[aurorbones]

Amelia only smiled and shook her head; she couldn’t remember the last time she’d worked only forty hours in a week. It had to be before the war escalated, before Edgar and his family were murdered. “I will take that in writing. Dear Minister, I am terribly sorry to have shirked my duties, however the blame rests solely on the shoulders of one Remus J. Lupin. Please see him with further complaints and/or howlers." Amelia’s tone was light and teasing, it was good for her to have people who would pull her out of the office every now and again. She needed the reminder that life was still going on. 

"I’m afraid I don’t get a discount, not an official one, anyway. Occasionally I can convince someone else to pay, but that ability dwindled after I turned 30," she replied, heaving an overly dramatic sigh. In truth her age had little to do with it, she simply didn’t have time to flirt or date. "But, considering how much overtime I regularly put in, I don’t think drinks are going to break the bank. So how have you been, Remus? It’s been a while."

[readysteadyremus]

A surprised laugh spilled out of Remus. "Surely your offers now are a more... distinguished? More substantive?" The only people Remus could see not offering a drink to Amelia would be blind... or an unfortunate soul who had known the end of her wand. A barkeep strolled by, and Remus flagged her down for a steaming stout.

"Oh, you know," Remus said, doing a very poor job at feigning innocence, "Just wanted to see how things were going along at the Ministry. I haven't been so connected recently, haven't heard any news... Bhavana's still a massive troll, I take it?" Truth be told, he wasn't quite sure of the Ministry's new policy. On one hand, Remus was very against any continuation of the sweeping violence, but on the other hand, he rather appreciated the no-nonsense policy. "Still ruining everyone's hopes and dreams?"

[janus-wolf]

Stranger // Remus & Sirius

[janus-wolf]

"A bit," Sirius agreed, taking a look around the room. Perhaps their definition of a "bit" was different. Sirius wasn’t exactly the most clean individual but this was a bit much. If Sirius thought the state of his friend’s living quarters spoke to the state of his mind he didn’t make it known. Instead he had a look around the room and pretended to be distracted by a book with a particularly ornate binding while Remus fumbled with his words. He was unwanted here. Well… Sirius had been experiencing a lot of firsts recently.

He let his fingers trail lightly along the stacks of books as he followed Remus in the direction of the kitchen. His mind wandered and he found himself distracted by the idea of knocking over every last stack. He could easily wave his wand and send every last book flying into the air. Remus would, without a doubt, be angry, but destroying something so simple would be so satisfying.

His attention flicked back to Remus when he spoke. Even now that he had been out of Azkaban for over a month, he was still so used to entertaining himself with his own thoughts. After so long it was easy to get lost in the cracks in the walls. He’d found there was a whole world in there, one much more agreeable than the world he inhabited.

Sirius shrugged in response to the question. He didn’t really have anything to say, didn’t know how to carry on much of a conversation anymore. He was here because coming was better than not coming and he’d finally become tired of isolating himself. He’d thought about coming to see Remus for a while now, wondering where they stood with each other (the last remaining Marauders). Wondering why Remus hadn’t tried to do anything. Had he thought Sirius was guilty up until recently, just like everyone else? Did he still think Sirius was guilty? When he first stepped onto the street the thoughts were overwhelming, truths he didn’t want to face. Now he was burning to know the answers. And if he didn’t hear the response he wanted? Perhaps he really would knock over all these damn books.

"Thought you might know how to get rid of these damn fleas," he tried on a joke for size.

[readysteadyremus]

Fleas. Fleas. He came to make jokes about fleas. Whatever pretense Remus had to be polite--confused, certainly, but always polite--cracked tremendously. He sat the bottle down on the counter a little harder than absolutely necessary and the various canisters on the counter rattled and stared, seething, at the wall in front of him. 

"What the hell, Sirius?!" Something in him wanted to sit his friend down and tuck a blanket around him and fix him a nice drink and a plate of food and tell him that everything would be okay, but, absurdly, a larger part of him was just angry. "What did you think you were going to do? What were you going to do when you caught him? Were you actually going to kill him? Try and make him confess? Did you have a plan? Did any singular note of rationality cross your mind before you went charging off after him?"

This wasn't how it should have gone at all. He had planned this conversation, down to the bloody punctuation, had anticipated it being something like: 'I know, I understand, I'm sorry, let's move on,' but here he was, an uncanny mirror of where he was a year ago, standing in his kitchen, thinking up all the things he wanted to say to Sirius but never actually had the chance to.  "What were you thinking?"

[readysteadyremus]

the gainful aftermath ☛ remus & amelia

[aurorbones]

The day had been long and frustrating. Citizens constantly reported sightings of potential Death Eaters, and even Voldemort himself, to the Ministry and each tip had to be followed up with. Typically these were handled by the Patrol or occasionally the Hit Witches and Wizards if the subject was considered dangerous. Rarely did this type of call make it to the Aurors, but somehow she’d managed to check out four “Voldemort sightings” in one day. It turned out to be nothing more than a case of underage magic — two young boys attempting to scare their younger brother by charming the scarecrow to chase him. Unfortunately, he ran into town and multiple people saw the charmed scarecrow. A clever bit of magic, but landed the lot of them in trouble.

It was no longer her problem, however, as it fell firmly in the jurisdiction of the Misuse of Magic office. The fact that issue was out of her hands now didn’t change the fact that the day had been wasted and she was behind on the things she’d wanted to accomplish.

When Remus knocked on he door, she almost sent him away. She was behind already and didn’t particularly want to take a break, however she hadn’t spent much time out of the office lately and figured that if he’d come all the way down to find her, it was probably about more than a simple drink.

Amelia let her expression soften into a smile and stood. “One drink, then I switch back to coffee…I still have work to do, unfortunately,” she said, wrinkling her nose and sighing. “Somehow I doubt the ministry is actually concerned with how much time I spend here. I’m considering an expansion charm so that I can just put my bed behind that bookshelf and make my move permanent.” Moving to the door, she looped her arm through the younger man’s led him from her office, closing and locking the door behind them.

[readysteadyremus]

"And if someone lectures you later about working for a mere forty hours this week instead of the usual sixty, I give you full permission to place the blame solely on my shoulders." Even if he did have vaguely ulterior motives, Remus was brightened by the sight of Amelia. She had a way of making Remus' problems seem small in comparison; her work, after all, was much more important in the grand scheme than Remus'. 

"Do you ever think about how conveniently located Ministry exits are to pubs?" he asked once comfortably ensconced in the Three Broomsticks. "I think it's a sign. I don't suppose you get a discount?" Remus grinned. "Perhaps a loyalty card?" 

[janus-wolf]

Stranger // Remus & Sirius

[janus-wolf]

He tried on his usual smile for size, the smirk he had been known for. It didn’t fit quite right. Like the clothing that still hung a little too loosely from his shoulders. His favorite jacket that no longer fit, even with a proper diet. But he managed well enough. At least until the door slammed shut in his face and he was left standing outside, feeling slightly dazed and wondering whether he should knock a second time.

Sirius nodded, frowned, and looked down at his shoes, considering his next move. Shout until Remus opened the door (or got in trouble with his neighbors)? Good option, probably not the best method of getting him to open the door though. Walk in uninvited? Less exciting, more practical, equally invasive. His creativity dwindled there. Luckily Remus saved him from having to think harder on the subject.

"Thought you’d be happier to see your old mate," Sirius commented as he wedged his foot into the door before something came over Remus again and invited himself inside. He raised his eyebrows at Remus and gave a smile. It had been a long time since he’d seen a familiar face he actually wanted to see and Remus looked about as well as Sirius imagined he might have. It was a comfort to see he still knew some things were as expected. He tried hard to ignore the fact that things shouldn’t be this way in the first place. Already, questions were forcing their way to the tip of his tongue. Casual.

"Tea?" He feigned consideration for a moment, nodding as if it were a tempting offer. Coffee, definitely. Tea, never. Remus of all people should know that. His eyes turned down to the glass in Remus’ hand, "I think I’d prefer whatever it is you’re having."

[readysteadyremus]

"Don't be daft," Remus said, smile tight. "Of course I'm happy to see you. Of course." Like they're having a chance encounter in the produce aisle. Like one of them hadn't just been released from prison. Like all of their friends weren't dead. Like they hadn't laid eyes on each other in over a year. Like there wasn't so much doubt and unease between the two of them it could kill a man. 

All that aside, though, Remus was feeling very irate. 

"Best come inside, then," he said dryly, shutting the door behind Sirius. "Mind the--" He gestured widely about the living room, indicating the general state of bookish unrest. "Well, you know. It's grown a bit, since the last time you..." What, Remus? Since the last time you were a free man? Since the last time you swung by? He cleared his throat. 

"Tea. Yes, I mean... can't believe I... well." (Here is a list of things Sirius Black did not like, in order: earl grey, english breakfast, oolong. This is a list of things Remus Lupin would not have been able to remember an hour before.) "I'll just pour you a glass then, shall I?"

He knew it would happen eventually, that he would turn up on Remus' step, every inch magnanimous Sirius Black. As Remus picked his way over stacks of books that threatened to spill as he passed, he tried to decide if it was a good thing that Sirius was back, that he was released. Tried to decide if it would have just been better if he had been guilty, if they had just left him in Azkaban, had left Remus alone. 

"So," he said from the kitchen, pouring the drink. He suddenly felt very inexplicably embarrassed with his labeled scotch and not-quite-spotless glasses. "So, ah," he cleared his throat. "Something you wanted to say, then?" 

Of course it would happen. Of course Remus had heard of his release (like he hadn't been scouring the papers for months, like he hadn't been begging information out of Amelia every chance he got). He had played this conversation out in his head a million times ever since he first found out, and, he unfortunately had to admit, it was already going a hundred times worse than in his head.

[readysteadyremus]

HEADCANON

8 Queensburg Drive

Remus' flat has a certain charm on its good days. On the others, it's clearly the environment of someone who's losing all touch with reality. He moved in nearly right out of school and hasn't left since. Throughout the war, after the death of his friends, Remus has found his little home to be of increasingly important comfort. 8 Queensburg Drive is, from the outside, in no poorer condition than its neighbors--that is to say, poor, but in that prideful sort of way. Perhaps its hedges need to be trimmed, perhaps the grass is growing a bit longer than strictly fashionable, but it would not be unkind to say Remus' home is utterly usual.

The inside, however, speaks volumes of the man's state of mind. It's clean--spotlessly clean--but in some places it's clear that Remus has a very tenuous grip on what is considered good and proper. The living room, for instance, is a veritable literature mausoleum. Remus has an unfortunate habit of acquiring books and stranding them somewhere in the house; stacks fill every corner, piles sit unread on end tables and unused chairs. (Someone once casually mentioned the term 'hoarding' to Remus, and he flinched so hard he knocked his head into a cabinet and had a headache for days.)

The rest of the house is in similar states of disarray: Remus must move piles of books to clean, then shift them back into their original spaces. His bedroom is cramped, and mostly filled by his bed; whatever surface he manages to free is not unburdened for long. The kitchen is the only room in the house that is clear and normal, for when Remus decides on the rare occasion to make use of his oven and prepare a proper meal, he can't abide the clutter (nor the taste of dust in his dinner).