Tanya

I love you. I love you more than life.

[quotemadness]

Relax. You will become an adult. You will figure out your career. You will find someone who loves you. You have a whole lifetime; time takes time. The only way to fail at life is to abstain.

Johanna de Silentio (via quotemadness)

[quotemadness]

This is the problem with dealing with someone who is actually a good listener. They don’t jump in on your sentences, saving you from actually finishing them, or talk over you, allowing what you do manage to get out to be lost or altered in transit. Instead, they wait, so you have to keep going.

Sarah Dessen (via quotemadness)

[quotemadness]

Real love is always chaotic. You lose control; you lose perspective. You lose the ability to protect yourself. The greater the love, the greater the chaos. It’s a given and that’s the secret.

Jonathan Carroll (via quotemadness)

[ninasdrafts]

I like to pretend that I would slam the door in your face if I found you on my doorstep five years from now. I like to think that, given what happened, I’d tell you to get lost and never call me again. If you’d ask why, I’d list all the things you’d ever done to me, all the times you’d broken my heart and made me feel like being myself wasn’t enough. I like to pretend I’d recognise you for the waste of time and tears you were. That you still are. But there is that small part of me that is afraid. That small part of me that would hold open the door for you and invite you in, the part that would offer you a cup of coffee and remember that you like it with too much sugar. The part of me that still craves your presence on some days and misses the way you brushed my hair from my forehead or how you laughed too loud or swore too much or let me call you in the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep. There is one thing I’m sure of, though. I hope you never show up on my doorstep again because God, I have no idea what I would do.

5 years from now n.j. (via ninasdrafts)

[a-laa-mode]

How lucky I am to have loved a soul like yours. How lucky I am to have been loved back.

perspective // excerpt from a book i’ll never write #114  (via a-laa-mode)

[dsweetdreamer]

When you have a bad day..

[fairytales-arent-real-here]

[stargazerinmoksha]

You once said that a step towards recovery means I’ll need to break myself into pieces, darling I’ve been trying to put my heart back together. I like to step on myself sometimes, I don’t take compliments well because I don’t think too highly of myself. When you step on the same lego piece everyday even your ego starts to melt a little. You once said that if I find someone to hold my thoughts before I hold their heart– then maybe she’s the one. Or maybe there’s no one out there, who knows, right? We can circle around this a little longer than always, but I’ll always run back to the why. Why do I want to conquer my memories? Each city that I’ve built for them inside of my head is still bright and I’ve not let a single light bulb blow out, I’m so out of it– while thoughtlessly I’ve been reaching out of my head, my heart likes to beat me to it. It says that love can only be achieved if I chase after it. You once said that I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. Do you still believe in those words? Because if I’m not cruel to myself, I could be cruel to someone else. If I read enough books, do you think I’d finally own a chapter in my own life? If I open up some more, will I close off opportunities for myself to the prospect of loving myself? And what about them? Vanity is my master and I’m a slave. It’s okay to be a little vain sometimes, right? I’ve got it in my veins, maybe I’m the only honest one. You once said that if I trip over the same rock and stub my toe a million times within a week, you’d still say it’s okay. Like falling requires gravity to bend to my whispers. Like drowning demands my lies to swim back to shore. Like dying seeps through my eyes, how can I love if all I’ve got is missing pieces? You once said that a river flows like time and if I’m out of seconds– you’ll just record your voice saying I love you until I finally get it. I remember everything that love has to offer, but never the person. I remember the feeling of infection that is affection. And if I walk alone and get hit by a car, maybe it’s just another story that I won’t write. Some words live in between the lines, I’ve been seeing dualities. Life and death is just a kiss and hug. Black and white, storms and clouds are just pears and apples. Poetry and prose likes to sound sweet, but it’s the bitter bits of me that’s suicidal. Love and hate was born from strangers, so you never knew the difference between the moon and the sun– the lightness of tomorrow likes to coat the darkness of past days. Cigarettes and lung cancer, a dance of smoke that disguises itself as stress free, do you think I’ll die healthy? Drugs and my body, which one will make me feel better if I’ve been sweating for a week? You once said that we’re spinning around in a circle just waiting for someone to stop by– grab my attention and you can have my voice, steal from my hands and you can have my poems, which hurts more to have loved or to not have loved at all? An empty silence that’s so full of itself– I can’t hear myself think inside of my own head. I’ve got file cabinets tagged under read later, but I’m a sucker for love– so I feed into it. You once said if the sky breaks into a brighter day, you’ll be there. That is wishful thinking, my favorite kind. Words can’t give meaning to our story, but we still write. You once said that it has to mean something. Every statement paused long enough for several lifetimes to become real again. It feels like such a long time, but we’re still in love with them in there somewhere. It’s buried. It’s in a coffin, but it’s there and we know it. We can hear it. We can hear it. Fuck, we can hear it. That little beating that isn’t ours, it’s always theirs. And that’s my fear, you once said that maybe that’s my fate– I’m supposed to cling onto that strand of innocence, of who I used to be, to remember what it feels like to feel, it has to mean something. Giving meaning to nothing, my favorite pastime. Giving something to someone, the only way that I’ve been living. You once said that until I learn to keep more for myself, I’ll always end up in square one– alone, but as long as I’ve got you, it’s not true, right? Some thoughts like to sleep alone, that’s not one of them. Hold onto that piece of us, the poetic storm that is joy. Keep your kindness to a burn, a stretched out sunrise screaming your name is my simmer. I know about nothing and that’s my one redeeming quality. I know that I don’t know shit, and that’s why I write like this. I know that I don’t love like I used to, and that’s why I love like this. I know that I’m not the same person from last year, and that’s why my guilt likes to trip up. I know that I’m no longer in love with her, but I can’t seem to explain the empty feeling unless I spell her name backwards under a star somewhere that I can’t touch. I know that I’m still messed up, but I’m just taking advantage of my youth. You once said some people will get over you in a week, but it’ll take you a lifetime to get over someone. If forever is a drug then I’ve overdosed. If always is a lie then I’ll take the beautiful. If never is more and a secret is sore– then I’m sorry about the words that didn’t stop, I am trying. I am always trying. You once said that if we kiss the ocean long enough, the mountains will answer. I’ve buried my love letters on the highest mountain and emptied my heart into my art. If I live long enough to spread my wings, do you think I’d still be condemned? Life is too short to live in the past, but I can’t stop asking about my what ifs. Love is too long to just be over, but I’ll just keep painting over it with a new layer of red. If you’re still reading, then I’m still writing. This yin and yang battle of ours has no meaning. Tortured souls live in the canvas and I’ve seen enough chains– I shall be unbound someday. You once said I love you– darling, that’s the only fucking truth that I believe in. You once said that soulmates aren’t always lovers– I guess it’s just you. You once said that flowers don’t just bloom, they wilt– so I guess I’m just withered. You once said that if you had your way, I’d own the universe. You don’t get it. When you became my best friend, I got it.

You once said (via everylittlepieceofyou)

[little-miss-ghostwriter-blog]

You’re mine that’s it, forever.

The ballad of love and hate (via iGhostwriter)

[wnq-writers]

I just wanted to be close to you, and I’ll never understand why that was so terrible… Why it was too much to ask. I wanted us to be an ‘us’… But that would have taken something more than you were capable of giving - It would have taken you loving me back the same way I loved you and you simply couldn’t do it… I just wanted your favorite things to become my favorite things. I wanted to hear my phrases on your lips and hum the tunes you always got stuck in your head…. I wanted to take you to the places I’ve been that you’ve never seen… I wanted us to inspire each-other to do new things we’ve never done so we could experience the thrill of seeing or trying something for the first time through each-other. I wanted us to share things; love, secrets, a home, a future…. I wanted your life to become my life. I wanted to meet the people you love and see all the wonderful qualities you saw in them - but more than that …. I just wanted to BE one of them..

Ranata Suzuki (via wnq-writers)

[wnq-writers]

I’m stuck in traffic, at a red light and it hit me, I can’t believe you’re mine. There was a time when we were complete strangers, stealing looks like it was a crime. Now you’re part of my soul and you have so much control on my heart, but instead of being scared, I’ve never felt safer in my whole life.

giulswrites (via wnq-writers)

[poetbitesback]

ask her about her history      with forgotten gods           with highways                with stars all of the different things  that have lead her  to you

the long way around || O.L. (via poetbitesback)

[wnq-writers]

The ones who notice the storms in your eyes…the silence in your voice and the heaviness in your heart are the ones you need to let in.

sexy-pretty-kitten  (via wnq-writers)

[wnq-writers]

Let 2017 be the year I learn to live fearlessly. Let 2017 be the year where I experience the unexpected. Let 2017 be the year I forgive and forget those who’ve wronged me. Let 2017 be the year where I pursue joy. Let 2017 be a year of growth and change. Let 2017 be a year of unforgettable and cherished memories. Let 2017 be the year I discover who I want to be. Let 2017 be beautiful. Let 2017 be mine. Let 2017 come, because I’m ready for it.

this-is-all-tennative, My wishes for the new year (via wnq-writers)

[wherewritersblockcomestodie]

And when he asked her how she was, she was brutally honest. “You know, it took me a very long time to find me again after you. I kept going back to the person I became when I was with you. I kept trying to be the girl who cared what a boy thought and I kept feeling like I was still under a microscope.” When she noticed his shoulders stiffening, she smirked. “I waited ten months, still being a girl that I wasn’t. I only posted things I thought you’d like. I only said things I wanted you to hear. And then one day, I woke up. Literally, but also figuratively.” He opened his mouth to say something but he didn’t make a sound. “I woke up, and I realized, ‘This is not me. This was never me,’” she said. “And now, I only post things that I like. Now, I only say things that I want to say.” It was her way of telling him that she had been good. Amazing, even. Because she realized that she was someone who laughed too hard and loved too much. She was reckless. And do you know how great it feels for a reckless girl to finally be released after spending months in a brace? It feels like a hurricane finally hitting dry land. It feels like freedom.

excerpt from an unfinished book #118 // “How have you been?” is a loaded question (via un-predictible)

[quotemadness]

I wanted to close my eyes and let the silence swallow me whole.

Benjamin Alire Sáenz (via quotemadness)

[ninasdrafts]

It was the gleam of happiness in her eyes that sent his heart racing, hammering relentlessly in his chest. “What are you thinking?” he asked, surprised to find he was short on breath. Her smile only widened. “I am thinking that this is the first time someone genuinely cares about all the crazy stuff that happens inside my head and the first time someone wants me to talk about every single idiotic idea.” Despite himself, a blush crept up his neck. “And I am thinking that being called beautiful doesn’t even come close to you showing me that you care with every question you ask me. So thank you. Thank you so much for showing me how much you care.”

The best kind of compliment n.j. (via ninasdrafts)