beautiful chaos

Shuffle

[a-laa-mode]

If I’ve learned anything in the past year, it’s that the universe is always giving you what you need,  and taking away what you don’t, even if, at the time, it seems like the exact opposite. Something might seem so right in the moment but it’ll slip out of your hands the next and this will make you confused or heartbroken or even a little bit lost. You might find it impossible to understand how any of that pain could be turned into something beautiful, but I promise you that it can. All of this bad stuff- the demons that you’ve been fighting, every single obstacle you’ve overcome, all of those tears that you’ve shed, every sleepless night that you’ve spent awake thinking about what went wrong- it’s all leading you towards something great, even if it might seem like otherwise at the time. Sometimes we lose ourselves in something that isn’t meant for us, so the universe gives us a little nudge towards what we really need, even if it hurts our hearts.  But that thing that the universe is pulling you towards- that light at the end of the tunnel- it’ll be worth it. Every rough patch you’ve ever gone through, all of the heartbreak and anxiety and anything else in between, it won’t matter anymore. Your tears will dry, your heart will heal, and you will finally be happy. So just hang in there, baby girl, and have faith in the fact that it’ll all be okay.

excerpt from a book i’ll never write #100 // the universe is rooting for you, my love, make sure you’re rooting for yourself. (via a-laa-mode)

[a-laa-mode]

You deserve someone who is proud to have you.

a very simple yet very important reminder  (via a-laa-mode)

[a-laa-mode]

He smiles at me and, for a split second, it feels like nothing’s changed. Things feel easy again- effortless- as though it’s still just us, just me and him against the world. But reality quickly finds it’s way back in, and I remember that we aren’t what we used to be. This moment has reminded me of what once was, of what I lost, of what I can never have again. And the thing is, it doesn’t make me sad like it would’ve six months ago. The idea of a world without him is one I can handle.  Knowing that he’s moved on doesn’t make me feel like the oxygen is being sucked straight out of my lungs. And that smile- the one that used to warm my bones, that used to start a fire in the pit of my gut- doesn’t even tug at a single heartstring.  For the first time in a long time, I accept my reality for what it is, for what it has become. For the first time in forever, my heart feels at peace.

acceptance: the final stage of letting go // excerpt from a book i’ll never write #109 (via a-laa-mode)

[a-laa-mode]

"I am still learning how to love myself," she said, her voice just barely cracking. "Every day I have to wake up and remind myself that my scars are stories and that the cracks in my heart are spaces for love to fill up and that I am not the sum of the people who have hurt me. Every day I have to tell myself that I am worthy of love. And I'm still learning how to believe that that's true." She paused and took a deep breath in. "You make me want to believe that that's true."  "So just be patient with me. Fill every nook and cranny of my battered soul with your smile and your laughter and your love. Bear with me as I learn to see myself the way you do. Love me as I learn to love myself. I promise I'll get there.

loving me, loving you // excerpt from a book i’ll never write #119

[a-laa-mode]

They say it takes 30 days to form a habit. They also say it takes 30 days to break one. I’ve learned that both of these statements are wildly untrue. It took seconds for you to become a habit of mine; a dirty routine that drained both my heart and soul. And it took months on end for me to break free of the grip you had over my heart. You were a habit that time itself could barely break.

excerpt from a book i’ll never write #104 // old habits die hard is quite the understatement (via a-laa-mode)

[a-laa-mode]

Did you write the 'I say "I am a feminist" and you laugh'...

yes

[a-laa-mode]

You should not have to convince somebody to love you.

another simple yet important reminder // excerpt from a book i’ll never write #118

[a-laa-mode]

“Part of growing up is picking and choosing your battles,” she said with quivering lips, trying to avoid his eyes, as tears started to roll down from hers. “and you just aren’t one that I want to fight anymore.”

excerpt from a book i’ll never write #28 (via a-laa-mode)

[a-laa-mode]

You could see it in her eyes, you know? She loved him, more than she ever loved herself.“ "And as beautiful and selfless as that may be, she ended up breaking her own heart because of it.” “So love people, baby girl, love them with all that you’ve got. But never forget how to love yourself in the pursuit of loving someone else.

excerpt from a book i’ll never write #99 // a little reminder about self love (via a-laa-mode)

[a-laa-mode]

What style of writing are these excerpts that you write?

I guess they’re prose/vignettes!

[a-laa-mode]

you have a real gift. your words capture every emotion, every detail. I wish I could put it as eloquently as you can, but just know that your words are very very valuable. and so are you. ❤️

this is so kind! thank you so much. all my love x

[a-laa-mode]

In 20 years, when my daughter asks me who my first love was, I’ll think of you. I will think of nights spent talking until the sun came up. I will think of the way your smile lit up my heart. I will think of the lessons you taught me, both before and after your broke my heart. And I will look down at my daughter and tell her your name, I’ll tell her how much I loved you, how dangerous it is to love somebody that much, how I had to learn to put myself back together again once you left. But I’ll also tell her that none of it matters as much as it did then, I’ll tell her that it doesn’t hurt the way it used to, I'll tell her that it’s important to put your heart on the line even if it means breaking it somewhere along the way. And I’ll tell her that you taught me one of the most important lessons you can ever learn: that you deserve someone who knows how to love you.

excerpt from a book i’ll never write #117

[a-laa-mode]

“I love him quietly,” she said, beaming up at the puffy clouds drifting in the sky above them.   “I love him with lingering touches and obvious glances and subtle smirks and exaggerated fits of laughter that fill me with a tingling happiness. I love him in ways that only he would notice.” “I love him softly, but I love him with all that I have.”

excerpt from a book i’ll never write #48 (via a-laa-mode)

[a-laa-mode]

If I’ve learned anything in the past year, it’s that the universe is always giving you what you need,  and taking away what you don’t, even if, at the time, it seems like the exact opposite. Something might seem so right in the moment but it’ll slip out of your hands the next and this will make you confused or heartbroken or even a little bit lost. You might find it impossible to understand how any of that pain could be turned into something beautiful, but I promise you that it can. All of this bad stuff- the demons that you’ve been fighting, every single obstacle you’ve overcome, all of those tears that you’ve shed, every sleepless night that you’ve spent awake thinking about what went wrong- it’s all leading you towards something great, even if it might seem like otherwise at the time. Sometimes we lose ourselves in something that isn’t meant for us, so the universe gives us a little nudge towards what we really need, even if it hurts our hearts.  But that thing that the universe is pulling you towards- that light at the end of the tunnel- it’ll be worth it. Every rough patch you’ve ever gone through, all of the heartbreak and anxiety and anything else in between, it won’t matter anymore. Your tears will dry, your heart will heal, and you will finally be happy. So just hang in there, baby girl, and have faith in the fact that it’ll all be okay.

excerpt from a book i’ll never write #100 // the universe is rooting for you, my love, make sure you’re rooting for yourself. (via a-laa-mode)

[a-laa-mode]

I walked up to him, hands shaking, palms sweaty, heart beating louder with each step I took. He smiled at me, but I was speechless. If felt like time stopped. Everything was a blur except for him. All I could see were those baby blues looking down at me, and the way his lashes curled up in the most adorable way, how the skin around his eyes was crinkling as his grin grew wider, and the way that little birthmark by his nose made his face seem whole. I hugged him. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I around his neck; He engulfed me in his warmth and scent, so sweet and crisp. He was strong, but held me so gently, like I was a fragile piece of glass that he would never want to break. I never wanted him to pull away. But eventually, he did, and again I looked up at those baby blues. But this time, I wasn’t speechless. I wasn’t shaking or sweaty. I was calm, I was happy. “I love you,” I whispered with a smile, and he smiled right back.

excerpt from a book I’ll never write #9 (via a-laa-mode)

[a-laa-mode]

1. Everything in life is temporary. That is both a very good and a very bad thing. 2. You know yourself better than anyone else. You don’t need anybody’s approval or validation of the choices you make.  3. The universe is always sending you signs, pay attention to them. 4. Trust your instincts and listen closely to your heart. They will always lead you in the right direction.  5. Say what you feel. Always. Be honest to people about how you feel about them. It hurts so much more to silence your emotions than to just spit them right out. 6. You deserve love in the purest of forms. It should not be tainted with arrogance or pride.  7. Beautiful words mean nothing if they are not backed up by beautiful actions. He could tell you he loves you three times a minute, but if he doesn’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated, his words have no value at all.  8. Never put anyone or anything above your well being. This includes school, work, friends, relationships and anything else. Nothing is more important than your health and safety. 9. Learn to love the person you see staring back at you in the mirror. She is capable of such miraculous things.  10. You are here for a reason. You might learn this reason at age 6 or age 60, but you were undoubtedly put on this planet because the universe believes that you can help it in some way. Never lose faith in that.

10 things I remind myself of every day (via a-laa-mode)

[a-laa-mode]

I realized that I shouldn’t have to work that hard to keep someone around. I deserve someone who stays because they want to, not because I ask them to.

late night thoughts #3 x (via a-laa-mode)