the clarity of hatred and the ecstasy of grief

the holy bible — king james version ecclesiastes 1:17 and i gave my heart to know wisdom, and to know madness and folly: i perceived that this also is vexation of spirit [ ᴅᴇsᴛɪɴʏ ʀᴘ ᴀɴᴅ ꜰɪᴄ ʙʟᴏɢ | ɢᴜᴀʀᴅɪᴀɴ | sᴄᴏʀɴ ᴋɪɴɢ | ᴋᴇʟʟ | ᴀᴡᴏᴋᴇɴ ᴘʀɪɴᴄᴇ | ᴄʀᴏᴡ ] ♘ avatar by rcyalgucrd ♘

[drownedsniper-a]

@reawakening 💖

if only my boyfriend were here to kiss me.

[reawakening]

You…you do realise this is an unencrypted line?

[alexsattlerphotography]

Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world’s great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of the rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs.

I am haunted by waters.

 — (Norman Maclean, A River Runs Through It)

[psychohelmet]

“I knew who I was this morning, but I’ve changed a few times since then.”

— Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass (via goodreadss)

[reawakening]

drownedsniper‌:

The Hunter curled against his prince with a gentle smile on his face. Feeling the much needed embrace and kiss, Andal began to be calmed with all Uldren had to offer. Soft words he had no idea what they meant but also did at the same time. At least, he hoped they were what his heart was assuming them to be. His left hand touched one of Uldren’s with slight hesitation, easing from the tips of his fingers to his full palm resting on the back of the back of the Awoken’s hand.

A soft breeze seemed to push Andal a bit closer to Uldren and took that as a prompt to kiss him. It was a gentle kiss but he was tired of soft and careful. A horrible feeling of doom and dread hung over him and he no longer wanted to feel afraid of being open with his partner. Placing both hands on Uldren’s cheeks, Andal closed his eyes and continued to love him with plenty of full on kisses. A hushed phrase was spoken between their lips before he paused for a moment and kept his forehead pressed against the others.

“Uldren-” hazel eyes caught to the gaze he used to be intimidated by but now see then as a place of comfort. The once fierce eyes of a skilled fighter were reformed into a loving gaze after their feelings for one another were admitted. The man leaned in again to give him another kiss but stopped himself and stared at his lips. Could he bring himself to do it? To say those words? He had to. Who knows if he would have another chance at this again!

He swallowed hard as his right hand caressed the other man’s jaw, thumb idly rubbing hid cheek before finally working up the courage to say it. Andal looked up at him again and giving him another kiss. He is going to stop beating around the bush and say it in Common tongue now. He has to.

“I love you.”

He could feel his cheeks burn bright and swore he went from tan to pink at those words.

He said it.

He’d honestly said it. Aloud. And to him.

Uldren looked, unblinking, at Andal for what felt like minutes. It wasn’t until his eyes stung for lack of tears that he finally allowed them to close. They flickered open again immediately, Uldren not wanting to miss a second of seeing the man before him.

The amiable, obnoxious, clever, idiotic, caring, thick-skulled, adventurous, foolhardy, brave, annoying Lightbearer had slowly, gradually, worn his way through the Prince’s emotional armour to make a rather comfortable nest for himself.

Uldren was both thrilled and horrified that Andal had said the words he himself was too much of a coward to say directly.

What should he say in return?

I know.

Of course you do.

I feel the same.

I’ve felt the same for a very long time.

You’re scaring me.

The Awoken cupped that scruffy face in his hands, pale blue, cool hands, and smoothed his thumbs across cheeks burning with embarrassment. Shining amber met the Light-tinged hazel ones of Andal’s and Uldren leaned in. He placed a tender kiss to the other man’s lips, hoping that the tremble in his own didn’t broadcast his fears.

“I love you too,” he finally managed, squeezing the words past the trepidation that had seized his heart. A smile flickered onto the Prince’s face, one that finally settled into a wide grin. The prickling of his thumbs be damned, whatever wickedness there was to come wasn’t in the here and now. It wasn’t sat before him, all leather and gunpowder and sunshine and freshly tilled earth. “I love you,” he repeated, voice louder, grin broader.

He held the Hunter to him tightly, burying his face against the other man’s neck. He didn’t want to think about what surrounded them, threatening to darken their lives. Uldren only wanted to feel, wanted to know nothing more than Andal Brask.

[reawakening]

drownedsniper·:

with a kiss like that, it was hard not to smile as his cocky attitude, but that’s what he loved about uldren sometimes. “hmm, no.” andal peppers his lips and chin with a few more kisses and laughs at the stillness the prince has at the barrage of affection. “now it’s better.” andal kept the space between them closed off from any nosy scouts and blinked in thought.

“let’s go home.” his suggestion was quiet but he stood up and never gave uldren an option to agree or disagree and grabbed him by the hand. andal stopped giving a damn about the stares and whispers. he stopped paying attention to them, that it hurt him inside to see how much better his life is if he had done this earlier. however, he won’t push uldren too much either. oh how he wanted to take his glove off to actually hold his hand. the prince might turn purple from that action and still respected his wishes (to a degree) to not be so public all at once.

weaving between the heavy crowds of people. slowly it started to thin out and the welcoming sight of nature leading to his home prompted a sigh of relief he didn’t know he needed. the man calmed his pace and walked closer to the other man. uldren must have been saying something the entire way and only now he could mentally register that he indeed was going in about something.

“sorry, uldren. i just… needed to do that.”

andal stopped walking in the middle of the private field and slowly stepped off of the dirt pathway and into the tall grass towards the yellow sea of flowers. the grasp he had on uldren’s hand was loose enough to slip free from but enough to keep him following. in the middle of it all, he sat were he was and nudged uldren to sit down with him.

“there is so much i have to say, so much to do. i can’t even begin to think of where to start.” removing his gloves and plucking a flower in front of him, he twirled it between rough hands and stared at the cheerful colors with a melancholic gaze.

“we need to talk, but i need to sit here with you for a while if ya don’t mind.”

If they had been alone at the time, Uldren might have dropped all courtly pretense to laugh at the shower of affection. Even though he had managed to maintain a certain air, Andal’s quiet insistence and reference to home caught him off balance.

Uldren automatically pulled up the hood of his cloak as Andal dragged him through the City streets, through the massive gates that opened out in the countryside on the outskirts. He wasn’t so much as dragged as he was able to manage to deftly keep up with the rather nimble Hunter. The Prince had murmured a few questions about why and what, but the closer they drew to Andal’s home, the quieter the Awoken became. He even stammered out a, “Y—you don’t have to apologize,” but that was swallowed up by the slight breeze.

Uldren’s preternaturally bright eyes stared at Andal a moment. So much to say, so much to do...

He had lived far too long to miss the import of those words.

He swallowed, with some difficultly, and settled himself immediately next to the Hunter Vanguard. He pulled off his gloves and cast them aside without a second though, immediately placing an arm over Andal’s shoulders and pulling him in so as the other man could rest his head against Uldren.

Terrified of the feelings swirling around within him, the Prince stroked unruly wavy hair and gently kissed a surprisingly cool forehead. Whatever plagued Andal’s mind, it was as though it were draining the heat...draining the energy from him.

On impulse, Uldren whispered something against Andal’s skin. “Rwy'n dy garu di.” They were words he was still too afraid to say in the Common tongue, instead reaching far back into his personal history to say them in Welsh.

[awokenprince-a]

Talking with @reawakening (lmao) about why Uldren in d1 looks older than Mara despite being Awoken/baby brother is that when he was in the Black Garden it aged up MUCH more than anyone would expect. Even in the lore it mentions Uldren getting older and stuff when he gets out and gives Mara a plant from the Black Garden. Like, yeah it was mention in there but to look back in d1 and just SEE the influence it had on hin so drastically and they have a reason why he looks like an older brother than his tween dream sister is so cool bye

[reawakening]

drownedsniper‌:

andal gave him a puzzled look before struggling to answer him with a chuckle thrown in. “an whomst in what ?” it almost sounds like he struggles to speak, but that is just for comedic effect.

he covers his mouth with his left hand curled up to the corner, barely hiding a smile. “out of all the horny animals you could reference to, you pick that one. just-” he waves for uldren to come over with both hands. “i’m too comfortable to move from the sofa.”

Uldren makes a 'tsk'-ing sound by sucking on his teeth, although he walks over to Andal all the same. “You decided to sound like a desperate elephant, not me.” The wayward Prince collapses onto the sofa and into Andal’s outstretched arms. He somehow manages to be nonchalant and elegant in the same moment.

Uldren stretches, crossing his legs over one another, and cants his head to steal a kiss from the Hunter Vanguard. “Better now?” There’s a smirk on his features, but one with genuine warmth beneath it.

[reawakening]

drownedsniper‌:

“ hi. ”

“ come here. i have something i want to give you. ”

“Right, then. Hello. Now, what is this something you have, a something that you felt the need to trumpet my name like an elephant in heat for?”

[drownedsniper-a]

" ulldreeeeeeeen ! "

@reawakening

[reawakening]

“. . .”

“ANDALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL?”

@drownedsniper​

[parakeet]

knife crow is a dad now omg

[smol-and-shiny-deactivated20241]

so proud of him 😭

[drownedsniper-a]

@reawakening

[reawakening]

Two black cats are nearby Uldren. A lanky one that seems to happily pitter patter their way over to the man and the other keeps its distance, sitting in the shadows and keeping a careful eye on them. The smaller one meows at him and flops on his boots, purring up a storm.

Uldren slowly looks down at the thin slip of a feline happily wriggling against his feet. A quick glance to the other of the two suggests that the smaller of the pair is also the younger. The kit’s fur is a densely coloured black, though he can discern an undercoat of white fur beneath.

Staring at the other, older tomcat —  clearly a male, and one who has seen a fight or ten, given the cat’s scuffed ears and oddly crooked tail —  Uldren slowly lowers himself onto his haunches. He reaches out a hand to cautiously stroke the loudly purring cat’s fur.

[drownedsniper-a]

@reawakening cont. from here

andal laughed at the annoyance that uldren forced himself to have in front of the other. oh how he loved their playful banter and missed it so. half listening to what uldren was saying he leaned into the touch for a moment before smirking and laughing again. “scruff? is that what you think of it?” he touched his beard and scratched at it. “i could shave it, but not sure how everyone would react to my naked face. i get cold easily, i’d have to wear a scarf for a while.”

[reawakening]

The image of a clean shaven, bare faced, possibly pre-teen appearing Andal Brask gave the other man significant pause. “I...no. Mostly. Sometimes. Perhaps.” The Prince shifted uncomfortably, still unused to the balance between their public personas and their...personal lack of boundaries.

Uldren quickly reached out and stroked the Hunter’s beard, cupping Andal’s chin for a moment before awkwardly resting on his holster’s buckle. “I’m....morbidly curious as to what’s beneath your unruly facial hair. However, I find that...this suits you.”

It wasn’t that the Awoken was unused to offering compliments; it was that he was unused to being so nice with other people milling about.

[reawakening]

"nyan'dren!" andal bursts out laughing and only seems to laugh more when Uldren gives him the scowl of a lifetime. "oh come on now, i know ya missed me!" andal cleans a few tears from his eyes between snickers. (drownedsniper)

“Wh—”He pounces. Pounces. The man bloody pounces on the glowering Awoken and is of course met by a curl of the lip and a roll of the eyes. “Do. Not,” he bites off, crossing his arms over his chest plate. Then he rubs at one cheek with a gloved hand.“Did you have to get your...scruff on me like that?” Uldren folds his arms again and turns his head to the side in a poor attempt to hide the smile he’s struggling to suppress.

[necromancceerrr-deactivated2023]

[blood-frankvic-deactivated20260]

[shoujoromance]

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

Mahmoud Darwish, from Almond Blossoms and Beyond; “When You Are With Me,”