RecoveredLiar @recoveredliar - Tumblr Blog

modedamour

my-random--thoughts-deactivated

ig: saskiateje

🥀🥀.

skinnycigarettesandtea

This months choices are next months body.

fitaddicted

too-fxcking-fat

juliethsecrets

thereisnothinghereagain

Where are all my adult anas?

It's a different world stepping into Eds shoes again half way through life.

I don't have to worry about my parents getting mad at me

I don't have to worry about my school teachers getting mad at me

I don't have the typical teenage drama that spurred this mentality shift

I remember Ed being a call a shout for help just to be seen and cared for as a teenager. But now no one sees me, I have no watchful eyes on me. No one whispering under their breath, no parents staring at me across the dinner table as I play with a half eaten plate, no boy trouble or pubescent drama fueled by hormonal rage and indifference. I'm not doing this to impress the boy I like or try to fit in with the popular kids.

I am invisible

Except from myself.

I'm in a strange state of visible translucency. I tell people I'm fasting and they believe me, I tell people I'm too tired to come meet them for dinner they believe me.

Fuck, even my live out partner whose been here for the last 3 days who I have said the words 4norexi4 to and who has watched me consume nothing but tea for 3 days doesn't question my choices.

How different a world it is when you're seen but not seen. I am validated but I remain a shadow.

ghostlywriterr

Quinta da Regaleira, Portugal.

You know why I relapse when things get difficult? Because when I stop eating all I can think about is food and losing weight. And suddenly I can deal with whatever is happening because I’m coasting through my problems and only focusing on the scale. The world is going to hell and my life is in flames but all I have to think about is starving myself long enough to wake up after whatever else I’m dealing with has passed.