The Insidious Cycle of the Abuser Who Says They Love You: Mythal and Solas
Likely goes without saying, but Veilguard spoilers all under the jump.
I have been absolutely wrecked by the end scenes in Veilguard for weeks now, and I want to do a deep dive into Solas's relationship with Mythal and how it absolutely reeks of abuse. Long post incoming!
CW for heavy discussion of cycles of abuse, trauma response, and abuse tactics.
When I finished my first playthrough, this moment hit me like an absolute freight train. His visceral response to her presence and the way he instinctively retreats and flinches back/puts out a hand to protect himself is a full-blown trauma response.
And then she starts talking and moving towards him, and it gets worse.
Solas curls in on himself; his body goes even further into self-protection mode. His face is downcast, not the way he bowed to his vhenan moments before with a straight back and open posture, but shrinking.
And then as she advances, he cowers.
He completely folds inward. He crumples; he shakes, he hyperventilates, and the moment she reaches for him, he fumblingly offers her the lyrium dagger to kill him with.
Is this shame? Yes, of course, but it's far, far more than that.
For the sake of brevity, I'm going to limit this list to the four most widely recognised trauma responses:
Fight
Flight
Freeze
Fawn
As someone whose primary trauma response is fawn (wooo CPTSD), which is intensely common among people who experience complex trauma, especially through emotional and prolonged physical/mental abuse where their needs are discarded, pushed aside, or otherwise steamrolled, I felt this right alongside Solas. My own body responded to seeing it. This is, quite frankly, one of the most visceral and realistic (and extreme) fawn responses I've seen depicted in media.
Mythal in this scene is...phew, something else.
"She was the best of them," Solas tells us in Trespasser.
But she was not good, everything tells us in Veilguard.
Let's look at his regrets in chronological order.
Through Solas's memories of regret, we see this germinate in his foundational regret: leaving the Fade to take a physical form.
He does not want to do this. He tells her he does not want to do this. From the conversation, it's clear it's not the first time she's asked.
And the way she asks? Outright coercion.
"You have so long observed the world. Why not consider joining it?" [I want you to do this thing, so I will frame it as logical for you to make the choice I want you to make.]
"But I have no desire to live as humans. Besides, this talk of taking on a solid form. I think you underestimate the danger." [I don't want to do that. It does not feel safe to me.] "When you took the glowing stone to build your body, did the earth not shake?" [This is dangerous and selfish.]
"The lyrium gives us the strength we had when we were of the Fade; we are the best of both physical and Fade." [It makes us powerful, so I don't care about the risks.] "I need your wisdom, Solas, to withstand the louder voices like Elgar'nan's who would go too far." [If you do not come with me, a tyrant you abhor will make others suffer.] "I need you."
"This is madness. You must know that." [I don't want to do this at all. This will hurt me. I don't want this.] "I will always follow where you go." [Because I love you and trust you.]
Mythal's words in this part are classic abusive framing. When appealing to his natural curiosity does not work and he expresses strong rejection of her logical thought process (just because I have observed this place does not mean I want to go there, echoing his comments to the Inquisitor in DAI: "Many Orlesian peasants dream of travelling to exotic Rivain. But not everyone wants to go to Rivain!") and expresses that there is significant danger to continue to build bodies out of lyrium, she changes tactics.
Her second tactic is that it gives them power--she implies that he is limited and not enough for being only of the Fade. If he follows her, he will be the best of both, like she is. She clearly already sees herself as above him.
Her third tactic is pure emotional blackmail: "I need you. I will give in to the tyrants without your wisdom, and having your counsel in the Fade is not enough. If you don't go against your own nature and desires, people will suffer...and it will be your fault for not being by my side."
She doesn't say those things outright, but they are implied by everything she is saying. He says again he doesn't want it--that it is madness and that she must be aware of that despite her ignoring any suggestion that she actually is. All she is seeing is power and her desires: for Solas to do what she wants him to do.
So he agrees. Because she is his friend, and she says she needs him.
As far as core wounds go, this one is a doozy. It's absolutely brutal, because it's irrevocable. It's a point of no return. It's the first in what will become millennia of regret, of her ignoring the Wisdom she coerced out of the Fade to do what she wants regardless, to continue to push him to twist his nature under the guise of the greater good, to continue to cede to Elgar'nan and enable the very tyrants she promised him to balance.
This regret was deeply painful for me to watch. The nuance here is easily lost if people don't understand abuse tactics and how this sort of manipulation is used. It also serves to bind Solas to Mythal, an enormous sunk cost fallacy in the making--once he has made this choice, there is no going back.
And you see Solas curled in on himself in anguish and regret from the trauma of taking a physical form. It is in deep, painful contrast to his open, free wingspan as a spirit of Wisdom; he will never be the same.
"Have you created what we need?" From the outset Mythal is framing this as his idea as much as hers, when from everything he says, that is not true.
"With this, the proper ritual will sunder every Titan from its spirit. But you must know, those severed dreams will certainly be driven mad, a disembodied blight of pain and anger. It--is--awful what we are doing."
"And the only way to end this war."
Again, Solas offers the wisdom she claimed she took him from the Fade to listen to. He warns her, again, of the danger. He does not want to do this. Just like he warned her of the earth quaking when they made their bodies--they, the Evanuris, started this war by taking what they wanted regardless of who it hurt. He never wanted to participate in it, but now he is in the middle of that war. Mythal was one of the initial perpetrators of this war; she brought Solas into it against his will because he loved her, and now he's stuck. He is past his point of no return. And she is still using his heart against him. She has isolated him from everyone he knew in the Fade; he has no one to support him. He. Only. Has. Her.
This is another classic abuse tactic; if the person being abused has no one else, they will continue to enable that abuse even if it harms others, because they cannot see a way out. If you don't do what I say, it will destroy our children, our family. If you don't do what I say, this war will consume all you have, and you no longer have a home to return to. If you don't do what I say and hurt yourself and the Other, more will suffer, and it will be your fault.
Again, his posture, curled up and broken, appearing to cradle a now-tranquil Titan beneath him--and be embraced in return. This is an interesting artistic choice here, one that aches. It speaks to the depth of his own wound and how much it rent his own spirit to follow through with Mythal's wants here; that it sundered him from his spirit as much as it did the Titans.
"You cannot do this, Elgar'nan! You swore we would give up our commands when this war was over!"
"Our people need our leadership. If you are unwilling, leave."
From Elgar'nan, this is expected. From Mythal?
"Our people must rebuild. And we must help unite them."
Solas, once again, betrayed. He put his trust in Mythal and in the other Evanuris to follow through with their promise. Everything he has done thus far is poisoned in this moment; had the Evanuris indeed stepped back rather than stepped on necks, perhaps Solas could have healed, found a way to live with what he had done, maybe even to make amends. But this starts his war anew--and Mythal is standing with his enemy despite her promises, despite every wheedling word she's used to get what she wants from him over the centuries and longer, despite him turning from everything, everything, he loved to love her. This is the moment where he understands that he has only been a tool to her all along.
"So we did not fight for freedom, but to conquer this land and our own."
Let's pick apart Solas's words.
So we did not fight for freedom: He truly believed that he was fighting for freedom, that no matter how bad it got, that he could bear it for freedom.
But to conquer this land: Literally the land, I think, because of the Titans. To subdue them at all costs. This was not what he came for, but he believed Mythal.
And our own: Our own, our people, more spirits we gave bodies for this war, more who may not have wanted to leave the Fade. Our own, our people. To Solas, he is one of them. In this moment, he realises how much Mythal holds herself above all of them.
Elgar'nan's words are all too telling: "We fought to win. And now the Evanuris are as gods. I do not answer to Mythal's annoying lapdog."
They all--all--see him thus. As her pet.
Because he is. She has, until now, controlled him utterly with her manipulation and "need" for him.
"The people are afraid. They must believe in something." Mythal does not even stand up for Solas here; she does not reject Elgar'nan's perception of him. All she does is further distance herself.
The people are afraid: The Evanuris made them. They are as controlled as Solas and more.
Elgar'nan asserts, "They need strength."
"And wisdom." Mythal has the absolute gall to attribute this to herself, when Solas is the source of the wisdom she "needed" for so long. (Belated addition: And another level here: she may also be saying again that she needs him, but doing so in a way that doesn't require her to stand up for him directly. Honestly, fucking gross.)
"They need gods who can protect them," Elgar'nan continues.
"We are not gods. You will learn that." Solas's voice here is pure defeat. The scales are falling from his eyes.
"Every lapdog holds a wolf inside," says Elgar'nan.
Solas knows that Elgar'nan's "protection" is hollow, based on subjugation. And I think in this moment, he learns that Mythal's is based only in her belief that she is better than those beneath her, who cannot possibly handle themselves.
So her lapdog becomes the Wolf.
"I was not certain you would come."
Solas's opening words in this regret show the distance between them already and how much he has realised he does not know this woman who called herself his friend.
And her response is to instantly blame him.
"You are the one who walked away. I never turn my back when my friend needs me."
In putting this post together, this line absolutely sucker punched me. I've watched these several times already, but the absolute audacity to blame him for standing up for his principles for the first time against all her manipulation? Hoo.
She blames him for doing just that, "turning his back when his friend needed him." She needed her enabler, and when he stopped, she turned bitter. Just like any abuser.
That he goes straight into "The Evanuris seek the magic of the Blight" instead of engaging, honestly shows that he's still Wisdom. That is one battle that is unwinnable, trying to stand up against an abuser's bullshit like that.
"Impossible," she says. "The Blight is safely sealed away forever."
Gaslight, girl boss, gatekeep.
"Though I wish I could believe you." [You have lied to me so many times.] "I have sensed the breaking of the wards."
And her answer is patronising. "I will investigate your claims." [I don't believe you.] "If they forget the danger of the Blight, I will endeavour to remind them."
Solas knows this is futile. "What if, instead, you left the Evanuris and remained with me? Do you not wish for freedom from this struggle?"
He asks her, again, to veer from the dangerous path. He desperately wants to believe he was not completely wrong about her, I think. If she were to leave, he could heal somewhat, for not having so thoroughly misjudged her character.
Am I enough for you? Was I ever enough? is the unspoken question here when he asks if she will remain with him.
And in return, he gets back even more patronising bullshit and hubris. "Be at peace, love. I will stop them."
(Can you tell Mythal pisses me off?)
She calls him love. What an unbearable insult after everything, to go on telling him she cares for him whilst ignoring his wisdom--the very wisdom she coerced him into leaving the Fade so she would have by her side--and consolidating her own power at the expense of his people.
"As you must," he says. "The Blight is our mistake."
Might be unpopular, but I do not think Solas bears a split fifty-fifty custody for whose fault the Blight is. Could he have said no about the dagger? Could he have pushed then? Maybe. But by this point, he'd already had probable millennia of complex trauma and a deeply abusive codependent relationship, probably also a level of magical bond. Like, sorry, BioWare, if you want to retcon everything you shared with us in Inquisition about being in service to the Evanuris ("You have given yourself into the service of an ancient elven god! You are Mythal's creature now. Everything you do, whether you know it or not, will be for her.") AND Mythal casually overriding her servants' will and Solas burning her vallaslin off his face and leaving a scar and devoting himself to freeing the elven people from the Evanuris's domination, fine, but I don't buy it. Even if there was no magical compulsion on him all this time, that is immaterial.
Complex trauma literally rewires the brain to survive. She spent lifetimes programming him, isolating him, stripping from him every bit of agency he had. This man did not have the capacity to say no.
When our no is trampled even for a few months or years, we stop trying to use it. We comply. We, as mortal humans, cannot begin to comprehend the compounded trauma of millennia of this happening with the stakes of worlds in the balance. Solas, quite simply, has lost the entire ability to consent. No one of us can even imagine.
Yet he managed to walk away from her somehow, when she chose Elgar'nan. This man is stronger than anyone gives him credit for.
The dagger was clearly Mythal's idea. The plan to sever the Titans from their dreams, clearly her idea. To end the war. For there to be "peace". For there to be "freedom". Except that never came.
His loyalty was to her and to their people; hers was only ever to herself.
And again, she walks away and lets Solas suffer.
What a good friend.
[screaming from the general direction of Scotland]
She put her trust in monsters instead of her oldest friend, and the monsters ate her face.
Anyone surprised? I'm surprised. (I'm not surprised.)
And on top of this, Mythal finally, finally giving Solas one tiny breadcrumb that she had any principles remaining? I think that cemented his bindings to her forever. Not just that the Evanuris killed her, but why they killed her: because after millennia, she listened to him.
For someone that deep into trauma and abuse? Well. We know what happened.
It cannot be overstated that with his imprisonment of the Evanuris and the Blight, Solas saved the entire world. The entire world. Every living being in Thedas had a chance at life because of him. Only because of him.
Morrigan says it early on in the game, that for all the consequences of the veil (which, it also must be said, was not supposed to be global!), "his imprisonment of the Evanuris was just. Had he not done so, all of Thedas would have fallen to the Blight."
And the world has hated him for it.
He woke after sleeping for millennia, exhausted by this immense act of magic, to discover that not only had it gone horribly wrong, but that it had cost his people everything. That Tevinter had come in and enslaved them, released a trickle of the Blight after breaking into the Black City, used so much blood magic that the veil itself all over Thedas has been in tatters--not least because in releasing the Blight, the survivors had had to face down and kill the dragon thralls (archdemons) of the Evanuris, rendering five out of seven of them mortal, and with their deaths over the intervening centuries, the veil had grown threadbare with only two Evanuris sustaining it.
The risks were catastrophic, the price unbearable.
Everything he'd ever done to protect the world could still come crashing down...and in a sick twist of fate, he would be alive to see it.
And, shockingly, so would Mythal.
Mythal, whose fragment has just been chilling in a swamp for centuries in human form. Mythal, whose abuse of him lasted through the entirety of the world's history. Mythal, who, due to the Evanuris's betrayal and her abusee's abandonment, has become little more than retribution.
Mythal, who could have set him free at any point in all this time and didn't, because he was hers.
Mythal, who is the only remaining person with the power to do what he feels must be done.
I find it interesting that they chose not to use the post-Inquisition dialogue at all. Interesting also that they used Mythal's voice actor and not Flemeth's. This feels like a retcon, but we'll go with it. Whatevs.
"I knew that you would find me soon enough. You need the power of a god, the strength that I alone still carry."
She's still asserting her own godhood.
He's not having it. "The blighted Evanuris will soon break free from their prison. I must make a stronger one that can contain them."
He's not wrong. Not even a little bit wrong. And he's also right that she won't help him. Why would she? She never has.
"While the prison is important, it is not the only goal you seek."
"Why should I not tear down the veil? And bring back immortality to all the elven people? They deserve it."
And this is where I get even more raging, because Mythal's answer is this: "The elven people of today do not deserve to see the world they love torn apart to salve your conscience."
I'm sorry, what?
The world they love? The world that has offered them nowt but literal genocide for thousands of years? The world where in Tevinter, they're chattel slaves and worse, fuel for blood magic without a thought? The world where in the "civilised", slaveless nations to the south, they're either confined to alienages and subjected to repeated genocide (that's what a "purge" is, if anyone isn't clear on that) or the remnants of the Dales, who are the descendents of another enormous genocide? The world where elven magic has been pillaged but elven mages in human settlements are confined to Circles and abused or made tranquil or also genocided by Templars invoking the Rite of Annulment? The world where they're called "elf savage" and "rabbit" and "knife ear" and cannot participate in Thedosian religious life because the Chantry erases every instance of elves from even the Chant of Light? The world where it took the Inquisitor installing a perpetrator of genocide on the Orlesian throne (both Celene AND Gaspard fit this bill) and either having Celene reconcile with Briala (Briala and Celene's relationship could be a whole other post. Boak.) and blackmailing them to give a single elf lands and a title? That world????
What the fuck, Mythal, die faster.
I got real mad there for a second. I'm fine. I'm fine!
Solas, once more, simply says, "I must fix what I have broken. I am sorry."
More than she deserves, frankly. Man's a mess, but at least he tries. She's been chilling in a swamp and pulling puppet strings for ages and abusing her kids. Nudging history like it's some sort of hobby, because it has always just been pieces on a board to her. They have never been people in her eyes like they are in his.
"As am I, old friend."
Aye, get tae fuck. Friends don't treat friends the way you treated Solas. The closest thing to an apology Solas will ever get from her is that she pretty much just lies down and dies when he comes to kill her. And she still won't set him free before he does. Has to continue to twist her own knife.
This scene has me riled.
And this takes us back to the beginning of this post.
To her essence showing up to release him from her service.
In what is, to me, the least accountable, bare minimum non-apology (she never actually says she's sorry) I've had the displeasure to witness in a videogame, with Solas literally cowering before her and offering her a knife to kill him with since this is the first time he's seen her actual, non-Flemythal face since she died.
This was never a friendship of equals. Ever.
She got one thing right. She did break him. But she knew it all this time, and she never took a single step to put it right until pushed. Her corner of the Crossroads, which he built for her in the desperate hope that she would show a glimmer of the friend he believed she was, notably has a pair of wolf statues. Both beheaded.
She's spent all this time punishing him further.
He never went to visit her? I wouldn't either. I could not blame him.
This has gone to an angry place. So let's conclude with what is, I think, the entire point.
Grace.
"I lied. I betrayed you."
"I forgive you."
Has anyone--anyone--in all his long life, ever said those words to him?
I'll say that again: has anyone--ANYONE--in all his millennia of existence, EVER said those words to him?
I forgive you.
Mythal certainly didn't.
The world certainly didn't.
He has shouldered all the blame of an entire pantheon, a war that broke the world, a blight, everything, always, and while people have come alongside him to help him, I am not sure anyone (certainly not anyone he cares about) has given him the grace of forgiveness.
The beauty of this final scene for me wasn't just Ilaana, wasn't just Ilaana reuniting with the man she has loved for a decade who has spent all that time pushing her away so he couldn't--in his mind--inevitably poison the love of the only person who has seen his spirit and cherished it without twisting him.
It was the slow realisation that Rook trusted his love enough to try.
It was Morrigan, who carries all Mythal's memories and her own of Flemythal's abuse and machinations, who responds to Rook's question about her views of Solas with: "Or do you mean to discover if I would stand directly against the Dread Wolf, were there a need? I shall aid you in any way but that. What has passed between Solas and Mythal...I beg you: do not ask this of me again."
Morrigan knows. She will not raise a hand against him. She will not try to stop him. She will let the veil fall. She will not fight with Rook. Because she knows this being whose memories she holds has harmed him enough.
Solas, in these final moments, even before Mythal shows up to gut punch him, realises all these people have somehow, somehow, banded together to help him.
Not work for him.
Not be his agents.
Not worship him.
Not follow him blindly.
To help him. To help Solas. To help him, after all this time, take the first steps towards himself. Towards his own essence, so long twisted into something he never sought or wanted.
The Inquisitor and Morrigan certainly understand what it's like to be seen only as the symbol others raise in your image. Rook will learn that someday, but is still naive.
But even with that naivete, willing. Present. Able to put aside being a chess piece on his board. Able to see that they would never have succeeded without his help. Able to trust two people who know him better than they ever will.
Able to offer him grace.
And when they produce Mythal's essence, how that must brutalise him; to think that perhaps all this has been to let his abuser kill him back. He clearly thinks that's what's happening. He breaks. He fawns. He offers her the blade that has caused so much pain.
Her release of him is the bare minimum she owes him. I've already railed about that.
What is transcendent here, transformative--it is the mortals.
The mortals offering grace to a god who never wanted to be a god.
It's them together showing him a way out of an endless cycle of trauma and abuse. No one of them alone is enough. Without Rook, they wouldn't have Mythal's essence; Morrigan can't go get it, and she can't do what is needed because she's not actually Mythal, only has her memories. Without Morrigan, who can stand there with those memories but from the compassionate perspective of someone who has watched them in horror from the outside. She's far from objective, but she can do this one thing to help.
Without the Inquisitor (romanced or not, still someone he let know him as he most desperately wanted to be known--the Fade-walker, the Dreamer, the humble mage who desperately needed a friend). The Inquisitor, who kneels before him to comfort him. Who sees his hurt and responds.
If romanced, without Lavellan, who kneels to repeat back words he once shouted at the Nightmare in the Fade after Adamant.
"Dirth ma, harellan. Ma banal enasalin. Mar solas ema mar din." (Speak, traitor. Your victory was fruitless. Your pride gives way only to your death.)
To which Solas replied, "Banal nadas."
On the surface, nothing is inevitable, but can also be taken to mean that nothingness is inevitable, entropy, the final void. (Thanks to Dumped, Drunk, and Dalish for this excellent long post on this scene.)
And here is Lavellan, kneeling beside him with those words. "Banal nadas ar lath, ma vhenan."
Nothing is inevitable but the love we share, my heart.
I see everything you are, all you have done, and I love you. I forgive you for the pain you have caused me. I understand, see, and forgive.
No one has ever shown him grace like this.
Ever.
And Solas, this shattered man, sobs.
He sobs.
Someone has taken the trouble to isolate his voice in the video. This man has nothing left. And, after millennia of this trauma cycle repeating over and over, he is finally free to make the choice he wants to make. It's not the outcome he wants; that has to be said. He doesn't want to leave the veil up. He doesn't want to be bound into prison forever with no hope of seeing the world he fought for ever return.
But he is done.
In the Fade after Adamant, there is a cemetery with the worst fears of every companion scriven on shrines and stones. Solas's is dying alone.
After all of this, he is willing to face just that--and would, if not for her.
She knows his deepest fears. She has faced the demon Mythal made of the man she loves. She has given unwitting comfort to the spirit of Wisdom still within. She has seen his sweetest self. Nurtured him, cherished him, and has been nurtured and cherished in return.
Does she want to leave the world behind and spend eternity in a Fade prison? Probably not her first choice. It's not my Ilaana's; she has been on his side all this time, dreaming of a world where the spirits she loves can be reunited with the world in peace and ready to make that happen.
But it was not supposed to happen this way. It did happen this way anyway.
He has sacrificed everything--everything--including his own spirit self, his soul, his life. How could she not offer him what no one ever has? A friend forever, a lover willing to walk the din'an shiral by his side, a companion to ward off the forever alone.
Together, the two of them can begin to heal, with their counterpart who has always seen through the burdens of the world to the soul within.
This is the only thing I've ever had any faith in.
Grace
I know you carry us
Grace
And it was such a mess
Grace
I don't say it enough
Grace
You are so loved
Inquisition was my favourite game, Veilguard was fun but missed a lot of what I loved previously, particularly story wise. Despite the fact I will never forgive him for what he did to Varric, this part of the story was very well done.
2025 cdrama year in review - a very subjective post
This is only going to cover cdramas that aired in 2025; if I watched it but it was made in a different year, itâs not on the list. As always, very subjective. Also, a bunch of potentially interesting dramas are going to drop in the remaining sliver of December and I was gonna wait for at least Speed and Love and The Vendetta of An but patience has never been my strong suit so here we go. (I guess I might update this at the very end of December if I feel like it)
Brace yourself, this one is a doozy - I have watched in part or in full 106 cdramas this year.
DRAMAS WATCHED
(In order of liking from least to most as opposed to pure quality; I am including if Iâve seen enough to make up my mind; yes I realize thatâs inaccurate, but thatâs my list. Also, as always, if I hated your faves or loved something you loathed, taste is subjective blah blah.)
106 Feud - and the winner of worst drama this year goes to!!! If you've distilled everything I loathe about characters, narratives, relationships in fiction into one drama, this would be it. A xianxia made by someone who dislikes the genre, characters and relationship that make no sense, a narrative that lurches like a starving zombie. With the bonus of a fandom that claims that if you don't like it, it's because you do not get how amazing it is. It is a testament to how much I adore both Bai Lu and Zeng Shunxi that I still like them after they starred in this mess.
105 Fight for Love - one of my favorite novels adapted into a monstrosity whose only interesting aspect is them somehow making their Male Lead basically an extended cameo. Victoria Song is utterly miscast and so is Ding Yuxi (an incredibly solid actor who nonetheless has script picking skills so abysmal it should be studied. He continues his rampage of terror through my favorite novels) but the true culprit is the nonsensical, shrill, atrocious script. Avoid.
104 Serendipity - if boils were a drama, this would be it.
103 A Prime Ministerâs Disguise - itâs stupid, itâs cheap, itâs a waste of anyoneâs time.
102 Everlasting Longing - more like evelasting boring with some truly terrible acting and nonsense writing (at least they did us a mercy and put two equally wooden actors opposite each other.)
101 The Journey of Legend - legend of where the money that was supposedly spent on this mess went. It wasn't to script, costumes or cinematography.
100 The Seized Destiny - at one point a man wears cat ears. Thatâs it, thatâs the highlight.
99 Love Beyond the Curse - dumb even for a vampire mini and thatâs a low standard indeed.
98 Destiny and Saving - sounds like a bank branch, would probably be more fun if it was.
97 I am nobody 2 - I loved the first season but this just didnât click for me.
96 Filter - I love you, Tan Jianci but not even for you. At one point, FL is a llama.
95 Destiny of Love: and snoring.
94 Phoenixâs Gambit: Love or Crown - just like its name, couldnât make up its mind what it wanted to be.
93 Touch of the Frozen Heart - I literally remember nothing about this drama except that I watched some of it. Even reading the description barely refreshes it. And that sums it up.
92 Flying Up Without Disturb - even dumber and more incoherent than that title.
91 Moonlit Order - FL who kills people because they annoy her is ordered to kill ML's family (including the old and handicapped) which gives her no pause whatsoever. As he thwarts her to funny music, they somehow decide family murder is a great basis for a romance. This drama is made by an AI Bot and not trained on anything done by humans either.
90 The Prisoner of Beauty vertical - the only vertical on this list. Two words: hand job.
89 Love and Sword - Gao Weiguang is hot. Unfortunately not hot enough to melt oneâs brain which is what youâd need to enjoy this dumb mess.
88 Les Belles - More like La Bete. Because itâs la bete of a drama.
87 Eat Run Love - tried to go for Lighter and Princess, Walmart edition, failed at even that.
86 Love Never Fails - until it does.
85 Reborn From the Ashes - the typical "woman gets a second chance at life, gets revenge on those who wronged her, with help of hot powerful dude" drama but done zzzzzz ok what was I saying I fell asleep.
84 Second Chance Romance - for a drama with that title, surprisingly little romance, second chance or otherwise. It's a crime to waste Wallace Chung so but the main question is how something with such a melo premise is somehow so boring.
83 Youthful Glory - cute and harmless. So is a bunny and thatâs at least nice to pet.
82 Dominion and Devotion - a mini tried to be a proper palace drama which is I suppose praiseworthy but not what I watch minis for.
81 Si Jin - A girlbossing story that made me decide Iâd rather watch a drama with not a single woman than this type of female centric story and also that Jing Tian is a beautiful woman who doesnât click for me and Zhang Wanyi really needs to stop playing the same role over and over.
80 The Best Thing - fluffy and plotless but oddly soothing.
79 Treasure at Dawn - snore at midnight. Poor Li Hongyi continues his losing streak.
78 A Dream Within a Dream - this is like a boyfriend who lovebombs you but then when you start dating him, turns out to keep a serial killer basement. It started out so brilliantly but then just stalled and then just enraged me. You know that drawing of horse, which is great in the beginning, OK in middle and stick figure by the end? That's this drama.
77 The Queen of Attack - ML's chest is, as always epic. That's it, that's everything that's worthwhile about this drama.
76 Time Reveals the Prince's Heart - let's make Blossom In Heart a mini but remove any sense from it and make it stupid and make ML a psycho. Yay?
75 Love's Ambition - while I am glad for Zhao Lusi's sake that the success of this drama allowed her to continue her career, this has the vibe of an overcaffeinated lotion commercial so no thanks.
74 Blemish Flaw - interesting concept and execution but not really my genre.
73 Coroner's Diary - Ao Ruipeng, in the immortal words of Aeryn Sun: "it's not you, it's me. I don't like you." (The fact that this is as historical as a can of coke does not help.)
72 Love and Crown - what would you get if you put a 100 monkeys at a 100 typewriters? Something that would still be better than this drama. Ren Jialun meanders through this drama with the look of a man suffering from a toothache and still manages to outact anyone else in this mess.
71 Our Generation - girl, he ain't worth it. Yes, even if he looks like that.
70 The Princess Decree - watching this particular sexual fantasy of the makers brought to screen is like watching a discount pastiche of Tigers Sniff the Rose x The Grand Princess x Spring Banquet only with a lot more BDSM and less sense.
69 Blazing Elegance - this is like the trashiest 1980s romance novel imaginable but set in 1930s China. I had so much fun but did I respect myself in the morning? Hmmm.
68 Guardians of the Dafeng - too goofy for my liking for most of its run but that ending!!!!!!
67 Flourished Peony - solidly acted but alas the narrative did not grab me and ML really made no sense as a period character.
66 Moonlight Mystique - main story pointless, the palette vomit inducing but oh the secondary OTP stole the show and my heart.
65 Bound by Sin - softcore with submissive ML and domme FL. Wild for most of its run until it tries to acquire respectability late in its run.
64 Such a Good Love - tried to be artsy ended up just boring.
63 To Love or To Defy - FL is an assassin getting distracted by an honorable prince. The logic is utterly absent but the fun is fun.
62 Litchi Road - this is a gorgeous, well acted and competently written drama, it's just very much not my thing.
61 The Fallen Lady Returns - the typical "woman gets a second chance at life, gets revenge on those who wronged her, with help of hot powerful dude" drama but done competently, if not amazingly part 2.
60 Luminosity Behind the Palace - it started out stronger than it ended but it was gorgeous for a mini and interesting. The ending pissed me off though.
59 Lust and Lies - if a 1980s Harlequin novel was made into a drama set in 1930s China, it would be this drama.
58 Once Upon a Dream - fakecest is the flavor of the day - why date out of the family when your adopted brother is right there, has great hair and dubious notions of consent? This one is very pretty.
57 Kill to Love - toxic yaoi, hi!
56 Returned Master - somewhat less toxic (but incesty?) yaoi, hi!
55 Legend of the Female General - yet another soulless, bland, dumb adaptation of a favorite novel. But the OTP has crazy chemistry, some really fun scenes, and I am happy Cheng Lei finally got to be a ML.
54 The Prisoner of Love - he tortures her, then she tortures him and on and on and on - the usual. Featuring a couple where FL rides off into wedded bliss with the man who murdered her parents.
53 Threads of Destiny - the typical "woman gets a second chance at life, gets revenge on those who wronged her, with help of hot powerful dude" drama part 3.
52 Destiny of the General's Bride - the typical "woman gets a second chance at life, gets revenge on those who wronged her, with help of hot powerful dude" drama part 4 but done really really well and the OTP is gorgeous.
51 The Cross Dressed Union - it largely flew under the radar but this little drama about a ML who lives as a woman and FL who lives as a man and then enter into an arranged marriage, is adorable.
50 The Ascent of Ling Yun - fakcesty eunuch Qing romance in a harem? More likely than you may think with this Temu Yanxi.
49 Stolen Love - someone watched Kunning and decided to write a Yan Lin AU, honest. I liked it but it did get repetitive and FL is kinda brain dead.
48 Sadistic Love - despite the name, a surprisingly not psychotic love story with fakecest and a lot of gay vibes.
47 The First Frost - a modern about broken up lovers reconnecting, this was a masterpiece for Ÿ of its run and then made a narrative decision so stupid it ruined the drama for me.
46 Echoes of the Self - an interesting premise and the fun of having Qian Yilun as ML but the ending kinda falls apart (what else is new?)
45 Sword and Beloved - first 40% are amazing, perfect, no notes. Last 60% are amazingly, perfectly, no notes awful.
44 Hidden Love - not the ZLS flufffest, this is full on fakecest delight. FLâs two choices are ML who she thinks is her half brother (he turns out not to be) and her actual half brother. As it goes.
43 The Maid - more of a QSCK novel adaptation than any actual QSCK adaptation has been so far.
42 Reborn - a hard hitting, nuanced story about a young high school girl haunted by the suicide of her older sister and a boy with his own troubles who helps her in her quest for the truth. Usually not my genre but so well done, I couldn't help but watch.
41 Yummy Yummy Yummy - despite the awful name, this is just a fun, sweet, lovely story with some tasty food and a side of cute romance, even if overall the story really doesn't go anywhere.
40 In the Name of Blossom - an incredibly uneven drama that I nonetheless like much better than the first season. The performances are uniformly top notch (especially Wei Zheming who continues to stand out as FL's ex husband - monstrous and magnetic by turns) and this season finally gives Li Xian something to do and tones girlbosssssss rhetoric of Yang Zi's character. But some plot points are fascinating while others drag. Still, worth a watch.
39 Shadow Love - dumber than a bag of shirtless hammers and gets boggled down in the second half but overall a good, hormonal time was had by yours truly.
38 Love in the Clouds - gorgeous and chemistry filled but except for a few episodes in the middle, it really failed to be intense or complex or gripping.
37 A Love Never Lost - I think, if I were objective, this is the best drama this year. It is not my favorite for very subjective reasons but God, what a masterpiece about an epoch. Bleak ending, characters who ranged from complex and controversial to complex and unlikable (still in awe of Li Xian taking on THAT role - Liang Xiang was complex, larger than life, driven, smart and a monster who was a rapist and a betrayer) and the death of Yang Kaizhi (Wei Daxun) a rare moment that made me cry when I rarely get this moved by dramas.
36 The Tower of Whispers - adaptation of Redeem Him with serial numbers filed off (no, seriously, they are being sued!) that will likely be way more accurate than the actual planned proper adaptation. A perfect example of "psycho only soft for one woman."
35 Qingchuanâs Veil of Vengeance - FL is a former, tortured general, ML her sweet disciple who wants to help. Gender reversal of all the best tropes in this gorgeous gorgeous drama.
34 Whispers of Fate - this seems to be a meandering picaresque narrative with a giant cast but at its heart it's a story of loss and grief, with some incredible performances.
33 The Wanted Detective - it's probably objectively not as good as I think it is, but Wang Xingye has never been hotter, I like the story and FL is a total BAMF.
32 Love on the Turquoise Land - if someone would tell me I'd be rabid for a fantasy modern actioner starring Dilraba and Chen Xingxu, I'd have thought they were nuts, but here we are.
31 The Princess's Gambit - there are draggy portions in the middle and the story has its flaws, but the beginning and the ending are epic and Liu Xueyi and Meng Ziyi are perfectly cast as ruthless schemers who soften for each other. The chemistry and the vibes are INSANE.
30 The Glory - a Gothic and female-centric tale of vengeance and dysfunctional families, this is a story with characters shockingly manipulative and dark. It made Chen Duling a bigger star and well-deservedly so - her abused, violent and brittle protagonist is the person who the show rests on. It did drag a little in the middle but then came back swinging in the end.
29 Deep Affectionate Eyes - a lovely older woman/damaged younger man romance that has some insane chemistry and role reversal. MMMMM
28 Sniper Butterfly - what a total delight of a much older woman/younger man romance done right. Swoony and tropey and perfect. MMMMMMM
27 Nine Yin Sutra - Meng Ziyi gets to be a damaged vengeful woman and He Yu the formerly sunshine boy drawn into her damage, with Zhou Yiwei as the their master in this gorgeous, short, romantic, heartbreaking drama.
26 Always My General - like some of my favorite web novels made into a drama. FL is a woman pretending to be a man and becoming a legendary general, ML is a prince who loves her either way - so delicious. One of my fave minis of the year.
25 Kill My Sins - a thoroughly adult story of loss and vengeance, with Liu Shi Shi and Shawn Dou sparking with each other as equally ruthless and equally damaged souls who find kinship (this is a drama where they never even kiss or confess but when they call each other âsoulmateâ you FELT it.) So good!
24 Strange Tales of the Tang Dynasty 3 - third season and still utterly solid. Who knew I'd love a period procedural so but here we are.
23 The Five - packs more punch and interactions and complexity and character beats in its short run than most dramas manage in 40 eps.
22 A Moment But Forever - in a year that gave me a lot of awesome xianxias, this one does not disappoint. A depressed and abused philosophy major meets a literal and cheerful engineering major - xianxia style. Liu Xueyi is gorgeous and Tang Yan a delight but what really hits is a surprisingly solid story about divinity, life and forgiveness.
21 Gemini - an epic unhinged mini about twin assassins in love (no, they are not related), transmigration, insanity, gorgeousness, ride or die, unhinged ML, equally unhinged FL, trust and makeouts.
20 Perfect Match - Jane Austen but frothier, this tale of a widow moving with her four marriageable daughters to the capital where the fifth married daughter lives, this is a souffle with a love story for every taste and delightful bit of sisterly love on top. Pick your favorite romance! (Mine is fourth sister and her judge husband.)
19 Love of the Divine Tree - itâs like someone watched TTEOTM and went âthis is how it should go instead.â Our heroine is a master who finds feral, hot, abused demon child and cat hero and decides to give him therapy via a petting zoo and chores.
18 The Demon Hunterâs Romance - just a solid lovely tale that includes some genuinely adult, common sense interactions and characters and a wildly creative take on demons and their stories.
17 The Prisoner of Beauty - finally released out of the dungeon, this story of arranged marriage between members of feuding clans turned to love is a delight, held mainly by sane interactions and insane chemistry between Liu Yuning and Song Zuer.
16 When Destiny Brings the Demon - not as strong by the end as in the first half (when it was pure unvarnished perfection) but still a great drama with a refreshing heroine, unusual story, and crazy, OP very damaged ML who can heal or be healed through sexxxxxx.
15 Fated Hearts - I would excise the silly sister storyline utterly if I could, but the main story is so logical, so well paced, and the OTP is a perfect pair of feral generals who do enemies to lovers, fighting to perfect trust, flawlessly.
14 Blood River - Gay Assassin River. Seriously, this was smart and fun and well paced and with epic battles and vvvvvv gay.
13 Love in Pavilion - do you like gorgeous pain? Come right in. Do you like doomed love in many varieties and incredible visuals and a totally gonzo set up? This is everything Red Moon Pact should have been but was not.
12 This Thriving Land - an artsy, serious, heartbreaking masterpiece about the life of villagers in the first half of the 20th century; this is anchored by Yang Mi giving an incredible performance as a relatively well-off young woman who marries a poor farmer out or rage at being assumed to have been despoiled and Ou Hao, who plays her amazing husband. But all the performances and the writing are exquisite. Oh, how I ugly cried.
11 A Dream Like the True Love - the best mini on this list, and possibly the best mini I've seen, this tale of a peasant girl who is rescued by a scholar and ends up repaying his and his family's favor when he's taken as a princess' plaything to protect his family is solidly written, full of characters and interactions that make sense, and has an adorable OTP at the center of it all together with some of my fave tropes.
10 Moonlit Reunion - like an intense dream; so beautifully filmed, so sensual, such a swoon, but with a solid story. This tale of a demon queen and demon hunter who fall in love is EVERYTHING.
9 The Blossoming Love - the best xianxia of them all in a very solid xianxia year, this story of a demoness and the perfect saint of the cultivating world goes hard on an incredible OTP and some glorious destroy the pantheon energy. Our Male Lead is not an atheist who does not believe in gods. No, he knows they are real and he WILL end them.
8 Twelve Letters - if it was only the past story, it would be in the running for n1, but modern day portions didn't grab me. This said, the original narrative about two abused, lonely teens who somehow find hope and protection with each other just broke my heart in the worst, best way. Zhou Yiran and Wang Yinglu give insane performances.
7 Eternal Brotherhood 2: second year in a row a season of this drama misses top spot by the skin of its teeth. This grim, smart feudal-world-at-war and the three sworn brothers who deal with it drama comes back with more hard choices, brotherhood, love kept and lost and some insane cinematography and acting
6 Under the Moonlight - came out of nowhere to own my heart. This tale of a former courtesan assisting in cases in the yamen, a sheltered noble son who gets involved and the upright commissioner is everything - smart and moving and with so many points about class and gender (that is not preachy in the least.) Itâs realistic in a way most dramas are not and deals with portions of society dramas often donât, but it makes you both think and feel.
5 Light Beyond the Reed - this slim, harrowing tale of an office worker with a stifling life and crumbling marriage who gets raped and then needs to deal with the aftermath is close to perfect. Mao Xiaotong as the heroine and Zhang Bin Bin as her husband, both damaged by life in different ways long before her rape, are amazing and I rooted for them so utterly.
2 (tie) Eastern Heretic and Western Venom - Zhou Yiwei and Gao Weiguang are mesmerizing in this story of two different martial artists meeting and striking a friendship (and ZYW falling for Chen Duling's character.) It's poetry in motion, it's a meditation on friendship and loss and love and life and what it means to let go or to hold on. What honor is and what it means to be in the world. And it's filmed like a poem.
2 (tie) Legend of Zang Hai - sometimes a huge hit starring a big star IS actually all that and a bag of chips, and this is that rare example. Ostensibly a story about vengeance, this is actually a smart, emotionally riveting character study about selfishness and selflessness, damage, kindness and evil. The script is tight, the direction impeccable and the performances out of this world. Xiao Zhan as the containedly insane focus and maelstrom of all the madness gives a performance I will long remember.
2 Legend of the Magnate - so smart and beautiful and emotional. Chen Xiao is the smartest man in any room, but he's so afraid, so full of decency, so vivid he does not feel too much. The setting is gorgeous, the other characters complex (it features my favorite secondary OTP of the year to boot) - it's WOW.
1 The White Olive Tree - a modern is my n1 drama of the year? The world is coming to an end. The story of a journalist and bomb disposal expert who meet, fall in love in, and are destroyed by trauma in a war zone is a masterpiece. Itâs delicate, itâs hopeful, itâs heartbreaking. It also is a vanishingly rare portrayal of trauma that does not have pat solutions or easy outs. Itâs a romance and a tragedy in the classic Greek sense of the word, especially for the ML whose very idealism and goodness are what make him both perfect and unsuitable for helping and that ultimately take him down.
FAVORITE DRAMA
The White Olive Tree - for the first time in ever, since I first started watching cdramas in 2007 - my favorite cdrama is a modern. Yeah, I know. Flawless from beginning to end, with literally nothing Iâd change, this love story and character story is unflinching in its portrayal of love and trauma. Everyone gives a great performance but itâs anchored by a genuinely jaw dropping performance from CZY as shattered idealist Li Zan.
RUNNER UP (or maybe co-winners, depending on my mood):
Legend of Zang Hai - that rare beast - both smart and emotional, with gorgeous cinematography and impeccable acting, this really shows the cost and burden of revenge and makes you hope against hope for happiness and healing.
Legend of the Magnate - this is smart and funny and terrifying and heartbreaking and is very much about idealism in hellworld. All the characters, even minor ones, feel real and complex, the filming is gorgeous, and oh the relationships - friendships, familial, adversarial, romantic - are pitch perfect.
Eastern Heretic and Western Venom - a short (only 8 eps) drama, this has some of the most stunning cinematography and acting, but it's also a tale about loss - friendships found and lost, love found (but under imminent threat of loss), of joining the world and removing from it and it's just - a tale that is more a character meditation than anything.
WORST DRAMA
Feud - if I could cast the evil eye on it, I would.
FAVORITE SCENE
So many, so I am going to limit myself to one per drama - the confrontation between the general and his son and Zang Hai wandering like a lost soul in the aftermath of his revenge in Legend of Zang Hai, Li Zan in the aftermath of his torture (and especially his hospital breakdown) in The White Olive Tree, the siege of Hefei and the aftermath in Legend of the Magnate, Huang Yaoshi telling of his upbringing to his future wife in Eastern Heretic and Western Venom, outside the asylum scene in 12 Letters, the jailhouse wedding in Under the Moonlight, Di Lin to the rescue in Eternal Brotherhood 2, ML of Fated Hearts just breaking that man's neck at the city gates in Fated Hearts, shower scene in Light Beyond the Reed, "I am gonna kill all the Gods" scene in The Blossoming Love, XiuXiu at her mother's funeral in This Thriving Land.
FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER
Li Zan (Chen Zheyuan), The White Olive Tree - one of the ultimate male performances and characters of the year for me. Li Zan starts the story as a shining light and ends a broken wreck and itâs an epic performance throughout - it shows how uncomfortable it is to love a saint but it also shows this saint as human in all his complexity and drive; it makes idealism human - itâs intense and haunting and you canât look away whether you are swooning or crying.
Zang Hai (Xiao Zhan), Legend of Zang Hai - I so rarely find actors with such huge and intense fanbases worth the hype, but XZ really is worth it. This performance of traumatized, vengeance-driven but unable to get rid of his soft heart Zang Hai was incredible - so many scenes that just had me jaw-droppingly in awe.
Liang Xiang (Li Xian), A Love Never Lost - Li Xian owns the role of a magnetic larger than life monstrous mover and shaker of the end of Qing. The man is a rapist and a murderer; heâs also a filial son, a supremely competent leader and a terrifying kind of an idealist. This is not a role any idol-adjacent actor normally takes but Li Xian is incredible in the role.
Gu Pingyuan (Chen Xiao), Legend of the Magnate - if Fan Xian had a queue and lived in the decaying Qing Dynasty of the 19th century China, he'd be GPY. The brains, the fear and yet proceeding despite it, the inability to allow wrongs to stand, the temper, the tenderness with loved ones. AAAA.
Huang Yaoshi (Zhou Yiwei), Eastern Heretic and Western Venom/The Five/Nine Yin Sutra - the most powerful man in any room and also the calmest, ZYW plays Yaoshi as someone with the naivete of a child, an ability to look at the world sideways, and a certain alien quality. And yet you cannot help but root for him desperately and want him to get what he wants, whether it's to save his wife or keep his shoes clean.
FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER
Luo Shu (Hu Bingqing), Under the Moonlight - she is so complex, so strong, so haunted. Very much a gender swapped âhaunted, tough man with a cause falls for a sheltered kind womanâ set up for her and her OTP but what I love even more is sheâs not defined by romance.
Ye Sibei (Mao Xiao Tong), Light Beyond the Reed - a woman ground down by life long before the rape that wrecks it, watching her try to process trauma and then fight for dignity and happiness was raw, uncomfortable, and amazing.
Liao Tingyan (Wang Yinglu), When Destiny Brings the Demon - this is a role and character that could have gone so wrong, but WYL made her slacker so endearing, so warm, so sane that you completely got why the most powerful (and totally traumatized and nuts) man in the Universe was willing to lean out with her.
Ning Xiuxiu (Yang Mi), This Thriving Land - I have almost given up on Yang Mi before this role. Used to love her but all her recent dramas and performances just didn't hit for me. And then this came and I couldn't look away from this complex, complicated rural woman.
Chen Baoyin (Na Yi), A Dream Like the True Love - clearheaded, clever, compassionate, full of common sense and so warm while never coming across as weak or OP or anything but utterly wonderful.
NEEDS TO BE MURDERED
99% of the people in A Moment But Forever and When Destiny Brings the Demon - I am Team Apocalypse for that one. Truly awful horrors, whether the torturing selfish immortal sect, the useless deities, the evil war demons who created the worst society possible or the gross humans. Kill them all!
BEST BAD GUY
When Deng Weiâs character in Tree, Zhang Bin Binâs in TBL or Liu Xueyiâs in Moment go evil, they automatically become 10x hotter and seeing they were already hot to start withâŠbut my favorite is Lord Jiuhuo (Charles Lin) in Love in Pavilion - that man was willing to wreck the world for love and he was epic doing it. My favorite part of LiP.
If we are going for not (to me) sexy, the Marquis from Legend of Zang Hai. That man was a monstrous force of nature.
"YOU TRIED" AWARD (aka a good performance in a hot mess)
Liu Yuning, A Dream Within a Dream - his performance, his character and his get up deserved a much much much better drama.
âHAROLD, THEY ARE LESBIANSâ AWARD
And Chen Duling is in this one for the second year in a row - Zhuang Hanyan (CDL) x Chai Jing (Jinna Fu) in The Glory are 100% a couple, with frankly as many couple scenes and set ups as the ostensibly canon het OTP.
"WHEN GOD CLOSES A DOOR HE OPENS A WINDOW" AWARD (aka China banned BL but these martial brothers are awfully...brotherly)
Blood River and Whispers of Fate tie (and narrowly edge out Returned Master since that was a mini and has more leeway) as the martial brothers at the center of the narrative are very very "killers in love/as straight as a crooked line/you are my soulmatey soulmate" gay for each other.
âHOW DID CENSORS NAP THROUGH THISâ AWARD
Honestly, any mini would be on this list (have you SEEN the sex scenes in Blazing Elegance?) but if we are talking âproperâ dramas, letâs go with The Glory, which let all sorts of awful, murdery characters get a happy ending and the seeming relaxation of "no emperor can be awful" rule.
MALE LEAD MOST LIKELY TO BE BROUGHT HOME TO MOTHER
No, thank you! The few modern ones sheâd not approve of (Li Zan is likely to leave you a young widow, the poor ML of 12 Letters needs a wrap around support services not dating, and Sang Yan from TFF would never decouple from his girl anyway) and the period ones are no go since few moms would be keen on wild-eyed, bloodied sons in law however hot and long haired they may be. This said, maybe the Sniper Butterfly ML if we change the category to "brought home FOR mother," since the man is gonna want her instead of you, let's face it.
"BEST STABBED BY A MULTITUDE OF SWORDS FOR THE CHANCE TO DEFY CELIBACY" SCENE
Sword and Beloved was impressive with its 10K swords and whatever, but at least Xu Kai in Moonlit Reunion actually got laid (and laid and laid and laid) after he was similarly penetrated.
FAVORITE SHIP
The White Olive Tree - idealists who love each other more than life but that love is not enough to fix them.
Kill My Sins - they donât kiss, they donât confess, they barely touch. And yet the soulmate compatibility and the chemistry just pour off the screen. I was feral whenever they were within two feet of each other.
When Destiny Meets the Demon - he's a demon lord, she's an overworked modern worker. The chemistry and the ride or die and the EVERYTHING.
Fated Hearts - enemies to ride or die lovers does not get any better than that. Battle Couple forever.
Moonlit Reunion - the chemistry, the reverse role vibes, the everything. I am willing to believe they will die if they don't touch each other the next moment.
Legend of Zang Hai - not a ship centric show and sometimes these make the best ships. I would lose it when they even touched palms. They are both damaged and wary (and heâs borderline nuts from trauma) and watching them dance around and get their hearts broken and healed wasâŠ
The Blossoming Love - taking on Gods in any life and form and so ride or die and sexy and AAAAAAAA
Legend of the Magnate - it's as if Fan Xian and Lin Wan'er went Qing. Honestly, I adore them. He's brain, she's brawn, they are the most decent, selfless, loving darlings with each other.
This Thriving Land - the formerly wealthy, embittered, tough FL and her illiterate, poor, tenant farmer husband are amazing in every way.
FAVORITE SECONDARY OTP
Many excellent choices this year - Fourth couple in Perfect Match who were amazing; the dysfunctional, intense, doomed secondary OTP of Moonlight Mystique - I finished that drama solely for them; secondary OTP of Love in the Clouds - better than the mains, but ultimately this title belongs to the gorgeous, doomed, everything couple of Yimei x Li Cheng in Legend of the Magnate - a proper lady and a millenarian peasant general. They made me swoon and bawl in equal measure.
NOTP
Feud. 'Nuff said.
HOTTEST SCENE.
The wedding night makeout in Moonlit Reunion (and their subsequent married ones too tbh).
BIGGEST CRUSH
We are gonna go in the most opposite way possible: the law abiding, incredibly decent, rather rigid Fourth Husband, Perfect Match, the millenarian peasant general Li Cheng in Legend of the Magnate who made ME want to pick up a pike, Huang Yaoshi in the Eastern Heretic/The Five/Nine Yin dramas - with that deadly innocence and that voice - and Di Lin in Eternal Brotherhood 2 - the man is ideal husband, a terrifying beast in battle and just all around sex on legs.
BEST DOOMED LAST STAND SCENE
The Marquis in Legend of Zang Hai was a monster and the General Prince in Legend of the Magnate was a hero, but both their last stands were epic beyond words, and I totally got why armies followed them.
BEST SCENE STEALER CHARACTER
Zhuang Zhixing (Zhou Qi), Legend of Zang Hai - the sole decent person in that family of monsters, he stole my heart and his arc OMG!
General Li Cheng (Zhu Yawen), Legend of the Magnate - the rebel general who stole not just ML's fiance but also my heart.
BEST COSTUMES AND WIGS
Costumes: Legend of Zang Hai and Legend of the Magnate - real embroidery, and costumes that look real.
Wigs: I am gonna be weird here and say Kill My Sins.
MOST EXTRA OUTFIT
That one dude in Feud:
FAVORITE SECONDARY ML
(in the old fashioned sense of OTP interloper, because if we did supportings, we'd be here all day.)
General Yun in Eternal Brotherhood 2 - Si Yilin x Ka Dan were my n1 OTP in s1 and yet the manâs honor and willingless to risk his life to protect Ka Dan without expecting anything has got me almost switching ships.
MOST BLATANT INNUENDO MOMENT
FL gives ML a hand job (no really!) in the vertical version of The Prisoner of Beauty. No wonder it got yanked (pun!)
Actually, I'd have to exclude minis or we'd be here all night (heeee), so we are gonna go with Sun Zhenni and Zhang Bin Bin in The Blossoming Love in this scene:
The chemistry but also those vibes are eyebrow-raising in the most unhinged way!
She's a sexy demoness and he's the purest knight type and I
FAVORITE 2025 CDRAMA SONG
Chen Xueranâs Moonlight Dance from The White Olive Tree. You have no idea how much I listened to it.
Love and Crown - the drama was trash but that opening song I adored.
MVP OF THE YEAR
Song Zuer, who beat her tax allegations (already a miracle) and came back with two awesome dramas.
Wang Yinglu - who vowed me in three very different roles in very different dramas.
ACTING SURPRISE
So many great performances, but I am gonna go with Chen Zheyuan in The White Olive Tree and then Fated Hearts. Heâs been solid in so many awful dramas but I never knew he could be such a revelation as he was in Olive and then he followed up with a very different but crazy magnetic role in FH.
Zhou Yiran - I've heard of him but have never seen him in anything before. But then he was incredible in Reborn and 12 Letters and I will now watch this guy in (almost) anything. He reminds me a little of Chinese Lee Do Hyun.
I AM SO SO TIRED OF THIS DUDE (OR DUDETTE, WE ARE EQUAL OPPORTUNITY HATERS HERE)
Ai Mi - girl can act but she's a minor who keeps getting cast in all these romance-centric dramas with adult dudes, instead of actual adult actresses. It becomes awful because you cannot film a proper romance with a minor, her costars (who don't have much choice) get flack for being opposite her, and she is doing that instead of plenty of other genres she could be in (non-romance centric dramas are plentiful, or she can be in a supporting romance where there isn't much focus on the ship.)
Ao Ruipeng - stop trying to make fetch happen.
NEEDS A SEQUEL
Eternal Brotherhood 2 - it really stopped in medias res. But probably just as well since doom would happen in part 3.
NEEDS SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT
Serendipity - in addition to all its other sins, this simply cannot support 40 eps. A Dream Within a Dream - it would have been much more tolerable as a 24 ep drama.
TOO MANY SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT
I don't think it had scissors taken to it, but among its many other problems, Legend of the Female General really needed more room to breathe.
TROPE THAT NEEDS TO DIE
Ahistorical girlpower stuff - where period women espouse modern feminism without being transmigrators or with any other believable explanation and without any consideration how it would fit in-world.
FAVORITE TROPE WEâVE SEEN A LOT OF
Men (and women) knowingly fighting for a doomed cause because otherwise theyâd cease to be who they are. Or if we are being shallow all the beautiful men in chains.
BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT
The First Frost: it was so exquisite for about 2/3 and then the Hong Kong arc happened (and was not in the book; the adaptation was faithful so far so nothing heralded it) and ruined the whole drama. It negated the development, the themes, the characters - it made me dislike both leads and the way the narrative never addressed it made the whole story utterly fall apart.
A Dream Within a Dream - started so well and then was just WHAT WAS THAT POINTLESS MESS.
BIGGEST GOOD SURPRISE
The White Olive Tree, Under the Moonlight, A Moment but Forever, The Demon Hunterâs Romance, Sniper Butterfly, 12 Letters, Love on the Turquoise Land - this has been a year of surprises, so many of my top dramas werenât on my radar at all. Perhaps the biggest surprise though is Legend of Zang Hai, because despite the heavy hitter cast, I did not expect to like it - I rarely like revenge narratives and the first few eps did not grab me (and then they did, and the first few eps made so much sense in retrospect; not a second wasted.)
2025 DRAMAS I HAVENâT SEEN THAT I MOST WANT TO WATCH
I have honestly watched everything I wanted so far.
BEST NON-2025 DRAMA IâVE WATCHED IN 2025
This is not something I watched in 2025, but I did watch it at the very end of 2024 and it didn't make it into my 2024 list because I already posted it by then - Riverside Code at the Qingming Festival - an amazingly acted and wonderfully written drama about people dramas normally don't bother about (the mains are middle aged married couple who are small time clerk and shop owner in Song Dynasty), this is ostensibly a mystery but really a character study, indictment of monstrosity of power and an utterly tender look at a wonderful love story of middle aged, long married couple.
FAVORITE KOREAN/TAIWANESE/JAPANESE DRAMA THIS YEAR
Moon River (Korea) - I have almost given on kdramas because this year was so utterly abysmal and then comes this - a gorgeous, tender, romantic tale of second chances and loss and love and in a beautiful period setting to boot. This story of a tormented Crown Prince and his lost and then regained Crown Princess is everything.
Had I Not Seen the Sun (Taiwan) - as bleak as it is gorgeous and insanely well acted, this is a story that delves into the background of shocking serial killings. I have not rooted for a serial killer this hard since Mawang and the tentative love story (in the past) is just soul crushing and luminous at once.
Lessons in Love (Japan) - a dyslexic host and a much older formerly suicidal teacher who decides to teach him how to read is the tenderest love story you will see all year.
MOST ANTICIPATED
Hmmm: all the heavy duty historicals - Two Capitals Fifteen Days, Swords into Plowshares, that Qin Shi Huang drama with Chen Xiao, the one with Hu Ge, one with LYX and Shawn Dou, and also the idol ones like In the Moonlight, Mo Li, Hidden Shadow, Liang Chen Mei Jin, Wishing You Eternal Happiness adaptation, A Ming Dynasty Adventure, Rebirth, Love Beyond the Grave and Tigers Sniff the Rose.
CONGRATS: YOU'VE MADE IT TO THE END!!! Have a cookie. Or a hot man in chains. Your choice.
Pretty much everyday I see some post about people looking for Vegebul fanfics. Here is a list of fics I have read (or are currently reading) and enjoyed. There are other fics I have read and liked, but maybe not enough to recommend (if that makes sense). Some of these I already have longer reviews for and I have linked the review just incase you want to see what I thought about it before you read the story. Some of these I have reviews in process. I will update the post as I read more, and as I review more fics! I tried to tag any of you that I could, If you arenât tagged, just send a message and Iâll pop you in! Dig in Below the cut!Â
*meanwhile patiently waiting for season two of vikings: valhalla*
for my vikings: valhalla fans who are obsessed with the one and only QUEEN OF ENGLANDâš EMMA OF NORMANDYïżŒâš, if you canât wait for fanfics to be released then i shall remind you long before the tv series this iconic woman is the subject of many books today. here is a list of them to devour and worship like i have:
the emma of normandy trilogy by patricia bracewell (the shadow of the crown, the price of blood, and the steel beneath the silk); i personally have read all three books in one night because itâs so good, and we see the birth of the strong character of QUEEN EMMA that we all love and know. also just as small warning the series follows emmaâs first marriage to aethelred the unready, and we do see emma with canute but itâs a journey, but it doesnât mean there isnât romance.
the forever queen by helen hollick; i just downloaded this book and canât wait to sink my teeth into it and so far i have read the first chapter and everything is pointing to a promising future. a little update; this book is so long i mean it follows emmaâs entire life and the reign of kings she witnessed, so far it has been pretty good and starting to spice up
the armored heart by rhonda hughes; for my canute x emma fans i found this promising novel about their relationship and even though i have not read the novel itself yet, it has some mixed reviews on amazon, but once i start and finish it, i will let you know if itâs worthy.
queen emma and earl godwin: power, love, and the vikings in medieval europe by stephan grant; this is a hidden gem for my emma x godwin shippers. again i personally have not read this book yet, but as a godwin fan myself i am definitely checking it out and once again will let you know if itâs worthy.
but before purchasing any of these novels i would recommend you download a sample chapter and decide for yourself if you would like to continue reading.
Solavellan fic recs please Iâm so hungry đ„șđ„ș
oh I'd love to provide! these have been my personal favorites so far (also fair warning, I am a solavellan fucked in DAI truther and that is reflected in my choices below so your mileage may vary)
Everything by niceasspavus - especially their fic Servitude which is an absolute masterwork. The prose is succinct but spectacular, the smut is excellent and never feels out of place (smut sometimes can with solavellan okay) and they dig into Solas' mind in a really beautiful way. They also started a modern AU fic and while that's not usually my trope at all, I've actually read what they have posted so far like three times because it's so good. Can't wait to see if they grace us with more.
Fellchaser by @rosieofcorona - Okay make that literally anything Darcy touches I recommend but Fellchaser is...I want to plaster my walls with it. The walls of my mind prison at least. The first time I read it, I literally read it five times back to back to back (I was admittedly very high but that's NOT THE POINT) because I was so taken with the prose and every detail. It is absolute perfection, seriously, the only thing wrong with it is that it isn't 100k words
What He Wouldn't Give by sugarhihello - a devastating take what happens immediately after the Crestwood scene we know and hate to love. I'm scared of writers who can make me want more of a scene like that and yet this fic gives me that
The Waiting by say_lene - solavellan thigh riding, need I say more?
Even Gods Need Miracles by callmebecks - A study of Solas' mindset from DAI to now include the DAV ending.
A Field as Wild as Your Heart by lillith_morgana - An exceptional take on the solavellan ending/post-DAV with gorgeous prose
Dreadful Recollections by @scaryanneee - if you know me from the bg3 era at all, you know Think of Me is a smut of all time so scaryanne joining us in solavellan hell has been SO FUN (for me personally at least eheheh) This little smut is so brilliant because it truly gave me so many ideas to play with for my own ship during this time period while also being so hot??? Also just read the tags on this and you know you're in for a great time
Handle With Care by feynite - I'm sure you've seen feynite if you've looked at solavellan fics because Looking Glass is the biggest one but I think this is just a really excellent little fic of theirs. Sad AND sexy - what every Solas fan is looking for I think
solavellan moots, please feel free to add on - I'm always looking for more and I'm sure others are too! anon - hope this gave you some tasty morsels and feel free to come back if you need more! xoxox
(video) Trick Weekes describes another rule they follow when writing Solas (which explains why players have had completely opposite reactions to him)(x)
I have seen a lot of people complaining about one of the endings, Solas acts very out of character. Character assassination even. Where he calls himself a god and you are all mortals that kind of shit.
I think this interview and Morrigan's explanation on spirits is very important.
Solas mirrors your perception of him. If Rook sees him as an irredeemable villain. He will act like one. Because in that ending, he becomes so twisted by his guilt and regret, and when there is no one that saw him as someone that could be reasoned with or saved, he starts to act like a real villain.
Don't think about writing as just the act of getting words down on a page.
Brainstorming ideas. Daydreaming about the characters. Researching the world they inhabit. Trying to come up with a fucking title.
If you only count the time you spend sitting at a keyboard, you're not giving yourself credit for all of the work you did leading up to the moment when the story is finally clear enough in your mind that you can start putting it into actual words.
would you ever be willing to do like a top ten tmmm fanfic rec list ? i only recently start reading fic for the fandom now that the show is over and im a little lost where to start. love your fics though !!! im so glad i found them
Thanks for reading! I've been awake since 2 am, so I don't have the wherewithal to make up a list like this, and I feel like 10 slots isn't enough.
So here are my favorite Maisel fic writers
Theycallme-Thejackal
Alixinwonderland
Markwatneyandensemble
Quillbriar
Phoebeprufrock
Disaster_Lady
Theresawritesstuff
70sBabe
Theglamourfades
Originallyblonder
Lovepollution
Preseliavalon87
Elsie_Snuffin
Have at it. All of these people write great fic in a wide range of styles. And as an added bonus, I've chatted online with quite a few of them, and they're really cool, nice people. <3
I will totally admit that these are, by and large, Midge x Lenny writers. I haven't read much of anything else, but I assume there are writers for the fandom writing equally great fic for other ships. I just love muh poor doomed ship.
Aftermath (ao3) - WolfenM
Rating: General
Pairing: Pepper/Tony
Summary:Â In the wake of the betrayal by Obadiah Stane and the revelation to the world that Tony Stark is Iron Man, thereâs a shift in Tony and Pepperâs relationship. Are they ready for it?
as we were, weâll continue to be (ao3) -Â andibeth82
Rating: General
Pairing: Pepper/Tony
Summary:Â Sheâs seen suits in every single incarnation and every single color, sheâs touched titanium fragments and arc reactors, she knows these outfits and their components like the back of her hand. But thereâs something suspiciously different about looking at a suit that she knows is coded exclusively to her.
bitten by the love bat (ao3) - aatticsaltt
Rating: Teen And Up
Pairing: Pepper/Tony
Summary:Â Pepper Pottsâ Guide to Dealing With Your Idiotic Human Boyfriend.
or, Pepper is a vampire who just wants to go out on a date with her boyfriend. Problem was: Tony kept trying to get himself killed by wandering into different supernatural hot-spots, and Pepper was determined to keep him safe and out of trouble. It is a lot more difficult than she originally planned.
built from scraps (ao3) - peterstank
Rating: Teen And Up
Pairing: Pepper/Tony
Summary: âEverybody needs someone. Thatâs what you said, right?â Pepper meets his eyes and heâs struck by the way sheâs almost pleading. âWe both lost. We can help each other.â
Her hand, palm up and open, stretches into the space between them.
Peter hesitates.
Then he takes it.
or: the one where tony was dusted instead of peter, so he and pepper try to figure out the whole âfamilyâ thing together.
(oh, and it turns out that the man who died in peterâs arms on an alien planet is his biological father. who knew, right?)
Codename: Strawberry (fanfiction.net) -Â Neon-Pirate
Rating: Teen And Up
Pairing: Natasha/Pepper
Summary: Natashaâs on a mission. Her goal, get to one Pepper Potts.
Summary: Post-IM2, Tony and Pepper attempt a âfriends with benefitsâ arrangement.
Five Times Pepper Potts Took Care of Tony Stark (and One Time Tony Stark Took Care of Her) (ao3) -Â zauberer_siri
Rating: Teen And Up
Pairing: Pepper/Tony
Summary:Â In Pepperâs defense she really did try to keep things professional.
Five Times Pepper Took Care of the Avengers and One Time They Took Care of Her (ao3) -Â SidheRa
Rating: General
Pairing: Pepper/Tony, Clint/Natasha, Jane/Thor
Summary:Â In which Pepper shows why she belongs in Avengers Tower.
Happy Accidents (ao3) - samandbucky
Rating: General
Pairing: Bucky/Clint
Summary:Â Pepper Potts is the publicist for The Avengers, and sheâs in for a big surprise when she wakes up one morning to find out that two of the Avengers are all over the headlines, but not for what she would expect.
How to Be Successful (fanfiction.net) - Cadey
Rating: Teen And Up
Pairing: Pepper/Tony
Summary: âWhat do people do at reunions, anyway?â Movie-verse, Post-IM2.
Insane and Rising (fanfiction.net) -Â cydonic
Rating: General
Pairing: Pepper/Tony
Summary: Five pairs of shoes Pepper Potts never wore again thanks to Tony Stark.
Itâs love, this time itâs love, my foolish heart (ao3) - FriendLey
Rating: Teen And Up
Pairing: Pepper/Tony
Summary: AU where Pepper works at an art gallery and Tony keeps buying ugly paintings off of her.
love is like a stubborn youth (ao3) -Â owlvsdove
Rating: Teen And Up
Pairing: Pepper/Tony
Summary:Â The long-winded story of the meeting, hiring, working relationship, courting, and comedy goldmine that is Tony Starkâs relationship with Pepper Potts.
Meeting Pepper Potts (fanfiction.net) -Â AngelShep
Rating: General
Pairing: Pepper/Tony
Summary: Each Avenger met Virginia âPepperâ Potts in their own memorable way. This is how. Pepperony. Just a little light-hearted one-shot.
Outsiders (fanfiction.net) - CoolnRainy
Rating: General
Pairing: Pepper/Tony
Summary: An outsiderâs point of view of Tony and Pepperâs developing relationship.
Project New Hope (ao3) - goingsparebutwithprecision
Rating: Not Rated
Pairing: Pepper/Tony
Summary:Â In which Pepper Potts has the worst period pains known to humankind, and deals with them via movie marathons, superheroes, and unnecessary code-names. Only some of these things are Tonyâs fault.
These Boots are Made for Walking (ao3) - TheRedMenace
Rating: Teen And Up
Pairing: Pepper/Tony
Summary:Â or; Five Pairs of Pepper Pottsâ Amazing Footwear. or; Becoming Pepper Potts.
Unscheduled Meetings (fanfiction.net) - robot iconography
Rating: General
Pairing: Pepper/Tony
Summary: A chronicle of the early years of Pepper Pottsâ career.
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snowghoul
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