All I want was more

{ Shadow opened his mouth immediately to protest what Sonic was saying, but then he shut it again. Why were they doing this? This was such a pointless argument and he knew no matter what he said, Sonic would still try to convince him of something that Shadow could never bring himself to believe. They would run in circles.

He fell silent at the aggressive look that the blue hedgehog gave him, pinning his ears back himself, but not directed at Sonic. Instead, it resulted from frustration at himself. It would just be fitting if he lost whatever remained of Sonic, too... After all, he'd hurt him. He knew he did, even if he didn't know the extent of it. }

... Are you going to leave?

{ His previous protests were louder, but this question was almost imperceptibly soft. }

Yeah, and I got a million people killed by falling for the trap that broke the whole world into pieces and that includes your team! All that is under my name, Shadow, but look what I still did! I still put the world back together and saved millions more people!

Didn’t they teach you that you can’t save everyone and you shouldn’t let that fact stop you from trying to save as many as you can?

But that's different, Sonic... Firstly, that wasn't even your fault, and secondly, you weren't right there when it happened; there was nothing you could have done. I was. I was standing there and I just got swallowed up instead...

They taught me dedication, yes. But... I...

{ Suddenly, Shadow's throat constricted. He was just about to admit to something he hadn't talked about at all with Sonic yet, and it felt like swallowing cyanide. The agony of admittance made him fall silent, and his lips just opened and closed like a fish's. }

... I'd rather not focus on this. I want to rest. Please.

You have talent! And you have abilities! And if you really wanna help people then why don’t you just go and do it?

There’s a million and one other jobs that’ll have you helping people ‘n’ heck, who says you even need a job to do it? But yet when I said I found you one ‘n’ offered it to you, you turned it down.

I’m not sayin’ don’t try for that one again if you really want it, ‘n’ I know it means a lot to you ‘cause of what it did for us, but you gotta let it sink in that you don’t need that job to help people. Heck, you didn’t have it when we were kids ‘n’ you still pulled me outta the road.

... I tried to help before. I ended up getting my whole team killed.

And before you insist we don't know what happened to them, it should be plainly obvious.

I'm in no state to help anyone right now, Sonic. I can barely manage the energy to leave this house. Even when I had energy in my body, I still wasn't adequate enough to protect them. How could you expect me to get anywhere like this?

… You’re always gonna just put all your eggs in that one basket, aren’t you?

... Originally, I might've replied it was a goal I'd been reaching for since I was a child.

But in reality, I think the only reason I hold onto it with a vice grip now is because it brought me to you. Twice. Even if the second time hadn't been under wonderful circumstances...

I'm a fool and it's a pointless pursuit, but what else do I have?

You’re tryin’ to work?

Work on what?

'N' the point is that you need to get better, you can't spend the rest of your life livin' like this, man.

{ Shadow shrugs. }

Studying. In case they would ever decide to take me back.

{ His voice became bitter in that last sentence. }

What do you suggest we do, then?

Yeah but you kinda need to get up more often than transformation time, Shadow.

Seriously, Shadow. This can’t go on forever, you need to start doin’ more when you’re awake or else we’re just gonna be stuck in this limbo forever.

... I'll try. I am studying sometimes and I am trying to work. I just...

Don't really understand the point of it now.

No…

Shadow, I was hopin’ that you moved ‘cause it’s kinda showin’ me you’re improvin’, y’know?

... Or rather that I have to move.

I haven't stayed in it for that long, though. I get up every time you transform...

Y-you moved—! Ayy! That’s a good sign!

... Am I just trouble to you?

I sure hope Shadow moved outta bed today…

#crescentmoonstrike #(( nice #Sonic ))

...

spacerat-chet-deactivated201506

4+ have landed on Veldin

jez-rp

emi-toshiba-ddr

stuartzurgo

redeyesandmarkstakewarning

"You might wanna stand back.”

#spaceratchet #(( no biggie~ ))

Shadow blinked at the taller, unfamiliar life form. "For what reason?"

… You sure? ‘N’ I’m okay just… Kinda worried ‘bout you, baby.

Yes, I'm sure...

You seem cold... Do you want to borrow my robe?

crescentmoonstrike replied to your post: Shadow...?

How’re you feelin’, sugar…?

I'm... I'm all right. You?

Shadow...?

… Ah, hi, Sonic.

-As Shadow stood there staring at him with that slightly broken gaze, the realisation of what he had just done sunk into the blue hedgehog. He’d… Sunk that low. Low enough to hit Shadow. As low as his foster parents went. His mind tried to justify it with how he just wanted Shadow to snap out of that state of mind he had taken but… Surely there where better ways, right?

Sonic moved closer to Shadow as Shadow stepped back a step, instantly taking the black hedgehog into his arms and holding him for a moment. His hands went to his face, carefully cupping his cheek and cradling his face.-

Shadow… Shadow baby. I’m so so sorry… I’m so sorry. I just… I’m sorry.

-He repeated over and over, his tone watery as he held onto him.-

I wanted you t’ snap outta it.. I’m sorry… I love you, sugar. I love you so so much… I’m sorry.

{ The guilt that Sonic found himself consumed in was a point of view that Shadow didn't necessarily agree with. Sure, the action shocked him more because he hadn't endured that abuse at all and his parents had never slapped him, but that didn't mean what Sonic did was unnecessary. In fact, far from it; Sonic had indeed snapped him out of it and stirred him from...very negative thoughts he thought he would never have in his entire life. Maybe there were better ways of approaching it, but that was an immediate way that had the results intended.

As Sonic grasped a hold on his face, Shadow placed a shaky hand on his arm and breathed against his palm, eyes shutting. He didn't deserve to be held or apologized to. He deserved to be tossed out and forgotten about. He strongly believed that. }

I'm the one who should be sorry.

{ He shook, water collecting in his eye ducts. }

I don't know what's wrong with me...

{ He couldn't get himself to stop thinking about it -- about how worthless he was, about how much of a failure he'd managed to be. He couldn't get it to stop locking up his body. He couldn't bring himself to get up and do something about it. He was hopeless, wasn't he? }

#cursed red markings #sonic

sonadowfiveever

解除不可能【捧】 by エイムエフ

-And that was when Sonic did it, struck the black hedgehog right across his face nice and hard. Not as hard as he could have, but hopefully hard enough to knock him out of this.-

Snap outta it, Shadow!

This ain’t you! I know it ain’t you!

-He paused for a brief moment, swallowing and dropping his hands after what he had just done.-

… Would ya? If someone died ‘n’ you failed t’ rescue ‘em a day before ya saw me walk out in the middle of the road… Would ya have left me? Heck, scratch that. If someone grabbed me right now ‘n’ put a gun t’ my head, would ya try and save me? Or would ya just sit back ‘n’ watch me get shot?

… I thought you were passionate about this, Shadow. I thought ya wanted t’ help people? Helpin’ people ain’t ‘bout experience or grades or how much studyin’ ya do. You know that… So why make it ‘bout that now? If you studied this so much then you should know that you can’t give up on one failure.

{ WHACK!

The sound was loud and hard and it shot straight through Shadow's ears, along with the bright and powerful sting of his cheek. He stared at Sonic, eyes wide -- that'd been the first time anyone had ever laid a hand on him. He knew the blue hedgehog had been through far worse than that with his foster parents, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. His chest felt hollow as he backed up a step, bits of what Sonic was saying going in one ear and out the other as his gaze relocated to the ground beneath their feet.

If he had been in a better state of mind, then he would've said 'yes, I would try to save you', because Sonic's life was worth it to him, worth the risk of making mistakes. He would've agreed he'd been passionate, that this was the kind of career he wanted. Yet all he could fix his mind on at the moment was the fact that he frustrated Sonic enough that he slapped him. He was so much of a burden that Sonic thought that was the only way to get through to him. He'd warranted it with... With...

As a result, he said nothing, just letting out shell shocked, shaky breaths as he willed the ground beneath him to swallow him up. He'd seriously considered it, hadn't he? What the hell was wrong with him? }