Let’s be real here. Depression is no fun. Diabetes is no fun. But the truth is, they’re out there, and sadly they tend to coexist with one another. “Well how do you know, Luke,” I hear you ask? I’m more than happy to explain.
I have struggled with depression since I was probably 11 years old, due to traumatic abuse caused by my ex-stepmother, who was not only abusive to me, but also to my brother and even my father. I have moved on from the past, but the depression, anxiety, and PTSD still haunt me to this very day, and for someone who is already dealing with ADHD and is somewhere on the autism spectrum, it makes it all the more challenging. I was hit with a really bad wave of depression when I was 16, and a junior in high school. I was starting work on my research paper (something our school always did), and while I had done many papers up to that point, something inside me just snapped. And I snapped like a dry fucking twig... that October and November were really hard for me, because I was at the point where I would literally cry over spilled milk. I don’t know what caused it, I don’t know why it happened, but it did, and I couldn’t shake it off. Eventually I gained the courage to talk to my family and friends about it, and they encouraged me to get professional help, which I did. I got on medication and started being more open and bottling up my emotions less. And as luck would have it, my life began to improve DRASTICALLY! I went from barely passing through the day to actually (and kinda arrogantly) finishing most of my homework before the class was even halfway through! I started feeling much happier with my life and the direction it was going. For me, 2015 was kind of a rough year, but it ended well and 2016 was gonna be MY YEAR, God dammit! And? It was! I had an amazing year from January to September. I got better grades, improved socially, and even regained a bond I had lost with some of my best friends (distancing yourself will do that to you sometimes). And then to top it all off, I gained permission from my family to start opening social media pages, and I opened up my Instagram (which you can follow @ redfang_foxx ), and I rediscovered my passion for music, and picked up the guitar, teaching myself! Everything was going great for 17 year old me, so what went wrong? September 26, 2016 (I’ll never forget the day), I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, and I was told I was predisposed to it, and that there was no way I could’ve possibly prevented it. Being the healthier guy in my family, I was taken aback. Surely this must be a mistake, maybe the computer is acting up, maybe it’s just prediabetes and I can take some measures to reverse it. Those were just a few thoughts running through my head. Nope, it’s Type 1. You know how they say there are five stages of grief? There’s Denial, bargaining, anger, despair, and acceptance. Yeah no if I was gonna live the rest of my life with this disease, I may as well take it like a fucking man. I went from denial to acceptance literally overnight. Now do I still feel resentment for having this disease? Oh, hell yes. But it’s just something I have to live with. Why bitch about it constantly?
“Okay okay, that’s good and all, but where’s the connection with Diabetes and depression,” I hear you ask? Hang on, y’all I’m getting there. If you don’t have depression and you get diagnosed with diabetes, it can actually cause depression due to all the factors involved that would make this already long blog post even longer than it needs to be. But if you’re like me and you already had depression and then you get diagnosed with diabetes? My God, dude! That just exacerbates it to the high heavens! Time and again I feel worthless, unloved, and like death would be a preferable alternative to what I’m dealing with right this second. But would you believe it? In all my years, never once have I attempted suicide or had the desire to! Anyway, having both diabetes and depression makes life a living hell more often than not, because you can’t seem to mentally “just get on with life.” It’s a daily, no hourly, no, IT IS A STRUGGLE EVERY GOD DAMN SECOND OF YOUR LIFE! That being said, I love my life, I’m loved, and I truly have a great life and nothing could ever change that. So if you’re reading this and struggling, don’t worry! Trust me! There is hope, there is help, and you are loved. God bless you all!
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