Abusive parents instill this compulsion in you to always act like everything is okay. No matter what is done to you, or what you're experiencing, you're compulsed to act okay. They do this in order to preserve their public image, and it's usually done by severe punishment and humiliation, for every time when you're openly showing any pain, dissent, emotion or opposition to what they say.
Next thing you're taught is that if you can act like you're okay, then you're fine. If you were really 'not okay', then you wouldn't be able to act fine, you'd be openly having a breakdown, crying, screaming, creating a scene or whatever else and it would be beyond your control. Which is easy to convince you, because you're constantly watching them scream, cry, throw tantrums, create scenes and having violent outbursts, seemingly without their control, and you don't want to be acting like that. You understand that this behaviour is childish and dramatic, you're repulsed by it.
However when it's about you, they convince you that any complaint, any little show of pain, hurt, fear or unwillingness to go ahead with whatever they want, is the same as their tantrums, actually worse. They get rewarded with attention and comfort for their tantrums, you get punished for any hint of distress.
So then you end up feeling like you always, no matter what, have to keep your control, because if you don't, you'd be like them, tantrum-throwing out-of-control giant oversensitive baby. You believe if at any point you ask your needs to be considered, if any time you were to voice discomfort, pain, or anger, you'd be considered a burden. Possibly get humiliated and despised. You'd be shamed and socially outcased because nobody would want to put up with that. Your compulsion to act like everything is okay, becomes so strong that you could be actively dying and you still wouldn't say a word, or show a hint that something might be wrong with you.
And you doubt even your own pain, and cling to the notion you were taught before. 'If you truly weren't okay, you wouldn't be able to act okay'. But this is a lie. If a person is compulsed, with such high stakes, to act okay, they can act okay through anything. You can actively be having a panic attack and act okay. You could be having severe health issues and act okay. You could be having severe trauma condition and act okay. There is almost no limit to how far you can act when you feel unsafe. My body learned to time seizures and attacks to only happen when other people were not around to see it. Because it felt like my life depended on it.
It is possible to act okay and very much not be okay. The fact that you're forced to act means you're unsafe to show how not-okay you are, not that you are really fine if you can act it! Your condition should not be put on a doubt just because you're not visibly and publicly falling apart. Abusers visibly throwing tantrums is also an act, not their true state. You've been lied to twice. People can act okay through hell, and they can throw tantrums for nothing. Don't doubt how not-okay you are, even if you can act otherwise.
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