That time I came out as an Ace to my Indonesian Dad just before I went to another city for college
Considering how much importance is placed on marriage and parenthood here, I’m actually thankful that my dad was able to accept that his eldest daughter might not get married anytime soon, or maybe not at all rather well.
i guess I shouldn't really be surprised that he easily accepted me. He himself understands that marriage does not automatically equal happiness for the rest of one's life. He is a child of a very messy divorce, so messy in fact that I did not know that my grandfather was still alive until I got an invitation to his funeral.
A funeral that, mind you, neither my father nor any of his four siblings attended.
And having children does not automatically mean success either, just like the old saying goes. My father himself has six children, and four of them are still dependent on him. He’s very aware of how undoubtably fuked or difficult the economy in Indonesia has become.
I know being ace doesn’t automatically mean I can’t get married, but in Indonesia, children and parenthood are often seen as a major part of married life. Since I don’t want to have sex, experience pregnancy, or have children of my own, I understand that finding a partner who is compatible with that or would accept that can be really difficult.
And since I have thought a lot about it for a long time, I think I’ve become a little jaded about the idea of having a romantic relationship. I know sex is something many people would expect from a partner, and I know I would not and could not provide it.
Someone might genuinely believe they’re okay with it at first, and they'll promise me that they will be fine with just hugs and kisses, but later feel hurt or confused when, despite all their effort and care, I still don’t want sexual intimacy or can’t “open up” in that way with them. They might feel like they’ve done everything right and wonder why it still isn’t enough. Something like that can lead to resentment, and I wouldn't be strong enough to face that.
I think it would be safer for me not to actively pursue or search for a romantic partner right now. At the moment, I can honestly say that I want to focus on my work and building my own future first.
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