I'm Healing.

kni || 21+ || self-taught artist || he/they sapphic transmasc agender ⠀ vent account where I post animals || bipolar ii, ocd, adhd, c-ptsd, etc. prof. dx

[redrum-district]

Life update.

hey ! It's been quite some time since I last logged on... i'm still alive and kicking, haha, and.. things are looking up, actually.

I made this blog during a hard time in my life as a teen / young adult, and vented my harsher feelings into it, which it shows given the paranoia and struggles I shared. I'm glad many of you were moved by my art, and found a sense of belonging in knowing you aren't alone. For that, I wish you peace one day. 🫂

So, what has happened during my absence ? Well, I started university, explored my identity further and came to realize I was a transmasc butch lesbian, I started to date someone who I hadn't realized I pined for for.... forever, lmao. However, things piled up, life got stressful, and I got hospitalized twice earlier this year after some bad fall outs ( I am ok now however ) . Yet, I'm healing, and doing so much better.

In fact, I moved out of my house. I love my family, but there was constant tension to the point of frustration, anger, arguments and so much else. It was toxic, viciously so at that. I had no energy to exist after this year. Yet, my partner needed to move given their state's issues, and . . . they'll be coming in 5 days to an apartment I managed to get. It's not perfect, I had to do so many personal repairs, I had to learn how to do plumming, decorating, so on and so forth -- yet, I'm having so much fun. I even started to practice sewing, too. I've been learning so many skills, and for once, ny chronic fatigue has eased to more manageable states. For once, I feel really happy. I even started testosterone 10 days ago, something I always dreamed of since 15.

I didn't think I'd make it, yet, people are telling me I seem so much happier now. For once, I really look forward to being alive. I am at ease. I'm medicated. I'm recieving help . . . it's overwhelming in the best ways.

Thank you for your support and well wishes, dears. I hope the same for you, and that you may heal from things you don't speak of. 🫂 You've all been so lovely, but now, it's time to log off. I'll hop in here and there and take a look at things from time to time, just please, keep living.

But, if it interests anyone, I'm working on a personal memoir of my queer journey into accepting myself and my identity. My life has always been so hectic to put it lightly ( I was double comphet as someone put it best ) , but, I've been told my words resonate well with other LGBTQ+ individuals thus far . . . who knows, maybe someone will relate to what I have to say, too. However, for now, I just wanted to update.

Thank you, everyone. ❤️

[sun-citadel]

Clutches of the serpent

[redrum-district]

Hey! I was wondering if you have any stickers or t-shirts of your "Bite the Hand that Beat You" and "You're a Fool to Think I'd Bow" artwork. I'd love to wear a shirt to quietly confront certain ideas in others. Especially about LGBTQ folks.

Oh my god i'm sorry if it took a while to reply 😭 i'm more active on my fandom art acc @sun-citadel nowadays !

But i feel so happy you'd say that 🥹 i'd love to redraw the art so it's up to my modern animal stuff [ examples below cut ] , but I'd love to work on making prints / stickers / shirts for stuff like this !!

I can shoot you a message once it's ready for this kinda stuff !! Once again, tysm

[sun-citadel]

The violet sapphic flag

I decided to start work on a sapphic flag, as the original one did not feel inclusive to masculine presenting sapphics. The inclusive sapphic flag also felt too random for me to feel aligned, so I spent time researching a flag design

Info below. Original thread here.

1. Why violets ?

The poetry of Sapphos often included talk of violet crowns, with one of her famous poems reading ;

` … Many crowns of violets,

roses and crocuses

…together you set before more

and many scented wreaths

made from blossoms

around your soft throat… `

Violets historically are considered a symbol of sapphic love and the LGBT movement, and are seen in pop culture, such as the cult classic lesbian movie, Bound. A 1926 play also involved a woman sending violets to another, as a potential nod to Sapphos. When the poem was censored / boycotted, women would send violets in support.

To say violets were not a part of LGBT + , and primarily spaphic / lesbian history would be a false statement.

2. Why these colours ?

I colour picked from violets themselves, primarily the African and common violet. One for their inclusion of white, and the other for its range of hues from more blue to magenta. I felt they could align with the various presentations seen within sapphic culture, as I myself ID as transmasculine / presently as a soft butch. There are those who are transfemme, femme, masc, androgynous, etc., and this various spectrum of colours I feel could align with how the community is not just one, but various shade of violet.

I spent time researching LGBT history, and have come up with meanings for these specific colours. They were carefully chosen for both traditional colour meanings, as well as symbolisms that align with the LGBT+ community.

From lavander to pink, both colours have a history of representing the community, and have become symbols reclaimed. From sapphos flowers, to the pink triangle, it is important to remember our history and struggles. Pink triangles itself was used as a symbol for transwomen, as an identifier for example [ as well as gay individuals, but this isn't about them at this time ] , but have been reclaimed to represent lgbt+ rights and our struggles. It is important to never forget those who came before us.

Each colour was picked based off traditional meanings, as well as identifying traits of the community.

3. Colour meanings?

From top to bottom, these colour meanings are ;

1. Femininity, health.

Pink is associated with femininity, so this is for the purely femme presenting individuals, whether trans, nb, or however they ID. It also is the colour of love, and health [ ex , ` everything is rosy ` meaning good ] .

2. Love, compassion.

A lighter shade of pink is usually associated with love, and with love comes compassion and understanding.

3. Youth and age.

From our lives comes the fact that, we as sapphics, lesbians, etc. know that deep down, this is who we truly are. Whether you're young, or come to the realization later, we live life as our authentic self. May we grow old and happy.

4. Limitless potential.

With those who are not afraid to break the gender / sexual binary, and present in ways uncaring of societal norms.

Whether trans, nonbinary, asexual, or uncaring of labels, I hope you find who you truly are.

5. Soft masculinity.

To be soft and masculine is frowned upon in society, but some of us present in ways that we deem just right. It is an oxymoron on many levels to those who do not understand, but we are indifferent and stand tall.

6. Wisdom.

With our history, we can learn and grow, it is important to never forget it. Ever on we march to assure that we are treated as equals.

7. Serenity, masculinity.

A nod to the original flag that brought us here, while also representing the other side of the spectrum for fully masc individuals. Once again, this is for those in the trans umbrella, or comfortable in their gender.

4. Who can use it ?

Sapphics or anyone who falls into that general category.

TERF / SWERFS / anyone not inclusive of the trans community are not permitted.

Please do not use if m - spec.

[redrum-district]

Here's my occasional post saying i'm alive

[redrum-district]

Hmm,

[redrum-district]

I think i've been in psychosis for a month

[redrum-district]

My face and body aren't mine

[sun-citadel]

Grief is an ugly creature

[redrum-district]

I haven't been able to eat much in a week

[sun-citadel]

Break the oppressive chains that bind `round our throats, so they can hear our howls for justice.

Negro Matapacos, folk saint of street dogs and protestors.

[redrum-district]

What if i convert this to a hopecore blog

[defiantsuggestions]

I will be kind on purpose.

I will help where I can on purpose.

I will love others on purpose.

I refuse to be as cruel as the world wants me to be.

[sun-citadel]

A commet's tail of breaking syllables that even now leave their trail :

Laika, in. Laika, lay. Good girl, Laika. Wait. Stay.

[sun-citadel]

Tomorrow when the farm boys find this

freak of nature, they will wrap his body

in newspaper and carry him to the museum.

But tonight he is alive and in the north

field with his mother. It is a perfect

summer evening: the moon rising over

the orchard, the wind in the grass. And

as he stares into the sky, there are

twice as many stars as usual.

[redrum-district]

Huh, asks were off

Turned back on

[redrum-district]

I don't think I really need this blog anymore, I'll pop in on the occasion and maybe post some animal art when the muse strikes.

But i think i'm healing. ♡