Defiant Suggestions.

Hey, I'm an abuse survivor trying to cope with CPTSD. I vent, reblog mental health posts, and share life lessons I've learned.

[defiantsuggestions]

About Me

Hey there, I'm Defiant. I hope this day finds you well.

This blog is a place I made because I was having a hard time processing my trauma, and I needed a place to put down my thoughts. As such, a lot of my posts will either be venting, or they will be me trying to put lessons I've learned into words.

A number of people have told me that my posts have helped them in their own journey, and I'm always so, so happy to hear that. Thank you always for your kind words, and please stay safe on the road ahead. Recovery isn't easy, but it is worth it.

Please keep in mind though that I'm by no means an authority on the matter. I'm just some guy talking about my life on the internet. I don't know you or your situation, and I can't give you any specific advice. I apologize.

[silvaurum]

as someone with Official, Diagnosed, childhood parental abuse based capital-t Trauma and PTSD; and as someone who has been friends over the years with people who have experienced just about every type of child abuse; if you need the Official Word of someone who 'had it bad enough', here's my official word

if you're wondering if it was bad enough to count, if you relate enough that you feel guilty about it for some reason, if you think 'well it's not *really* trauma because ___ but still'

it counts. it was traumatic. you have my Official Word As A Psychology Of Trauma Bitch and A Survivor Slash Victim. all that ruminating on whether you're allowed to be hurt by it and whether you're allowed to think it affected you is a sign that it did hurt you and affect you and you're allowed to call that trauma. that's what it is.

you don't have to be the omelas kid to have trauma, if only the single most traumatized abused and hurt person in the entire world, the person who really had it the worst, was allowed to say they had trauma. well we wouldn't be able to figure out who that was in the first place. but also it wouldn't be a very useful word would it.

trauma describes a reaction to something and not an objective measure of the event itself. there's no like. category of 'always traumatic events' or 'never traumatic events' it just is what it is. so if you're wondering, could that be me? yes. you're allowed. if trauma frameworks help you please use them. please. the more people are trauma-conscious the easier it is for everyone to get help.

[shamebats]

My child, who spends their entire life being transfered from home to car to school and back, and is not allowed to leave the house or talk to anyone and can only in their wildest dreams imagine a life free from constant surveillance, is very sad. Obviously they're dumb and lazy, like all kids these days.

[whineandcheese24]

kind of a tangent but i recently went to a bowling alley with my friend i'm 19 he's 18 and the woman at the door didn't want to let us in because there was a sign saying under-18s needed adult supervision. everything got cleared up and we were able to go bowl, but i'm still so mad about the fact that kids need adult supervision to go to a bowling alley and arcade. like okay maybe young kids should have supervision but what do you mean middle and high schoolers need to hold mommy's hand while they play video games. kids aren't just addicted to their phones because phones are addicting, we're addicted to our phones because there's nothing else to fucking do

[shamebats]

I'm sure banning kids from online spaces while simultaneously not ensuring that they have access to offline spaces to socialize in (without having to rely on their parents who already don't have time for them) will help them feel better & less alienated from society.

[defiantsuggestions]

Happy new year everyone. I hope you have a kind 2026. And if it can't be good, I hope you can at least have comfort.

Do something nice for yourself. Even if it's something small. Get yourself a treat, drink some water, go on a walk, put on your favorite sweater. Play a game. Watch a movie. You deserve good things.

[ndnbutch]

negative self talk IS unproductive and painful for you and often those around you. but like every other post that talks about this is like “yeah it makes you an exhausting and burdensome person to be around and if you don’t stop now everyone in your life will abandon you. Also I personally hate you for it”. and it’s like hey hi hello. basically the theme of all my negative self talk is that I’m an exhausting and burdensome person to be around and that everyone in my life will soon abandon and hate me. so like haha what’re we doing here? are you going to provide any actionable advice for how to get out of this habit, or just tell me that I’m Doing Bad And Wrong And Must Suffer For It?

Anyway. If you struggle with negative self-talk I feel for you. It’s hellish, and it’s not something that can just be bludgeoned out of someone by telling them it sucks. We know! I’m not out of the weeds just yet by a long shot, but here’s some of the stuff that’s been helpful for me:

Fake it til it’s real: cliche, I know! but it really has helped for me, even though it makes me suuuuper uncomfortable at times. but literally tell yourself that you’re super charismatic and sexy and everyone loves you. or whatever version of that feels good for how you’d like to be seen. it’s gonna feel silly and untrue for a really long time, but it helps!

Reframe: I struggled to phrase this one, but what I mean basically is like… taking that notion of “hey negative self-talk sucks for the people around you too” and turning it into “wow, it is kind of mean to my friends to just assume they’re lying when they say they love me. I don’t want to be mean to my friends. I’m going to take the risk of trusting them”. Try not to go too far in the direction of “oh god I’m being mean to my friends” and stay on the path of “I want to and CAN do right by them”

Separate from it: I like to kind of act like my negative self talk is something of a different entity from me. Your mileage may vary on this one. I was a really mean really sad teenage girl once, and for me that kind of feels like the place the negative self talk comes from. So instead of being like “I guess I just hate myself and always will”, I can be like “I have this wounded inner child who is lashing out. I’m going to be gentle with her, but I’m also not going to listen to the things she tells me we are, because she is 16 and hasn’t experienced anything good yet.”

This is far from a comprehensive list but this post is getting long—feel free to add on if you have any tactics that have worked especially well for you!

[defiantsuggestions]

I remember looking at your blog back when I was still unsure whether I'll make it out of my abusive house or not, simply to feel a sense of hope that there are people that are like me, out there, who have left their bad situations and were living better lives.

I'm currently on my third year of living alone; not abuse free, but definitely low-contact (and slowly trying to sort things out to go full on no-contact, but that will have to wait✨) and in a much better place than I previously was. Don't know if tumblr was the thing that gave me the strength to persist, but having a community of people with the same struggles definitely helped.

Thank you for existing.

And thank you, for existing.

Thank you for doing what you can to make your situation better, for sticking around and surviving and getting to a place where you can get that low contact.

Thank you for being here.

I'm proud of you. And I hope you get to a place where you can go no contact soon.

Stay safe. You're important, and you deserve good things.

[infectiouspiss]

kids deserve so much more respect and it turns out that saying that is a great way to locate the horrible people in any community <3

[infectiouspiss]

you'll say something as simple as "no child deserves to be hit" and people will crawl out of the woodwork to explain why they should be allowed to beat a 6 year old for spilling some water

[infectiouspiss]

you'll say "i think it's weird that adults literally have control over when children are allowed to use the bathroom" and up pops a teacher to say that when they're not shouting at the kids they teach, they're trying to stop them from hiding in the bathrooms

you'll say "i think children shouldn't be forced to eat food they hate" and here comes someone who feeds their kids plain rice and boiled chicken (while eating a nicely seasoned stirfry) claiming that it's okay actually and kids shouldn't be allowed to taste things

you'll say "i think kids should have bodily autonomy" and in comes someone who pierced their babies ears before it was even 24 hours old, frothing at the mouth because their kid wanted a haircut and thats somehow an insult

[infectiouspiss]

children are an oppressed class and everyone should be looking back at their own childhoods and making sure they don't ever make a child feel the same way they felt.

[weltenwellen]

It's not your job to manage other people's feelings. You do not have to anticipate other people's responses to you or their general mood in order to establish any sort of feeling of safety for yourself.

[tofumarinado]

"there should be some kind of test you have to take before having kids" -> wrong, extremely dangerous and highkey eugenicist and racist "the youth should have safe and effective legal pathways at their disposal to make sure their human rights are constantly protected and upheld" -> based, centers the youth, gives minors more power to fight inequality and does not reinforce the idea that parents are immune to scrutiny from their kids

[soup-in-the-inbox]

Additionally: child development classes, parenting classes, parent support groups and similar resources should also be free and available at reasonable times because many problems can be traced back to previous trauma, misinformation, and lack of support.

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

Like a worrying amount of people seem to genuinely think that the less you sleep, the less you eat, the more you work and the more you neglect yourself all contribute to making you a better and more moral person and it's like.... Suffering is not actually a virtue guys! There's no real reward in it!

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

allow yourself to have bad days. allow yourself to feel upset or hurt or angry or grumpy or pessimistic. those feelings will pass as all feelings do, and that day will pass too.

[defiantsuggestions]

I don't want to be sad

I don't want to be tired

I don't want to keep having the responsibility of other people's actions on my hands

Sometimes we have to sit with our emotions and wait patiently for them to pass.

I know I will not always feel like this

I know that fighting myself in what I'm feeling doesn't make that feeling stop

What I need is to go out and do something fun and positive

Because there are good things in the world and I have to remind myself of that

I will feel better later

[problemnyatic]

"Punishment works!!!" We're drowning in three to four generations of people so pants-shittingly terrified of ever being wrong that half of everyone has constructed a worldview wherein they never even consider the possibility that they could be wrong and the other half behaves like one wrong move will make anything or anyone explode violently into a million irreperable pieces. I don't think it works guys

[problemnyatic]

I know this might be a bold take but maybe teaching everyone from a young age that ever making a mistake will be met with unimaginable pain and misery doesn't actually encourage learning or correct behavior. If anything it creates a sense of terror so powerful it completely suffocates curiosity and exploration, thus leading to people knowing absolutely nothing but whatever is brought directly to them, which is a big problem in a world where information is so tightly controlled that a very small number of very powerful people basically have complete power over what people see and hear on a day-to-day basis when not actively seeking new and rigorously verified information from diverse and trustworthy sources.

[problemnyatic]

if any of this sounds like you, start by looking up the definition of words you've heard and are pretty sure you know what they mean, but haven't actually double-checked for yourself. Just like, whenever it occurs to you. Great first step

[problemnyatic]

This post goes out to the "we need to bring back bullying" crowd. Just because you aren't hitting someone physically doesn't mean you aren't being punitive. Maybe it isn't actually healthy to believe it's necessary to harass and humiliate anyone who makes you upset or uncomfortable. That sounds like a you problem actually.

[problemnyatic]

Anyways, breaking the cycle of abuse starts with you and how you treat yourself. You have to give yourself grace and room for error or you'll never be able to cultivate a healthier mindset than your trauma left you with. It's not easy, but you have to trust yourself that whatever seems kinder than however you usually treat yourself is probably a good enough start.

[traumasurvivors]

You are not responsible for the actions of another person. This means that what they did to you was on them, not you.

[mousegirlheart]

for the love of god, do not use chores to punish your kids!!!! it's just going to make them struggle deeply to keep their houses tidy as adults since you made them associate necessary chores with punishment and suffering, and it's going to take years of therapy to undo. don't use chores as punishments!!!

[gentleaffirmations]

Even if you were a difficult child, you didn't deserve to be hurt.

[gentleaffirmations]

I hope this message reaches all the neurodiverse and disabled people who were made to feel like their abuse was justified because they had "behaviors".

While this message is true for every child, you are who I had in mind when I wrote it.

[serial-unaliver-deactivated2024]

"not being allowed to sit at work is bad for disabled people" true statement but like. you do know it's inherently bad for literally everyone right? like it kills your joints. what's crazy is I saw someone in the notes of that post being fucking SHOCKED at articles saying it's not good for you to never sit at work. idk it pisses me off that low wage workers are so disposable no one even acknowledges this by default, it is an issue of disability as well but you never fucking thought it could possibly be a problem until this issue is brought up, are you dumb?

and i'm saying this as someone who IS disabled and has gone from work to the hospital several times <- only clarifying that for people on this site who will call me ableist otherwise although I should stop caring atp because you aren't entitled to SHIT about my medical issues as a stranger online

[luesmainblog]

Disabled people are usually canaries for bad enviornments. spending 8 hours with no chairs is bad for you. your friend with bad knees will be the first to show why. spending hours lying down in a less ideal position is also bad for you. your friend with a bad back will be the first to show why. spending 12 hours seated at a desk is ALSO bad for you. your friends with hip, back, or energy problems can show you why pretty fast. getting no regular exercise is bad for you. your friend with a muscle problem is at a faster rate of how bad than you are; pay attention. never seeing the sunlight is bad for you. ask your friend with a vitamin D deficiency. getting too MUCH sunlight is bad for you, even if you don't get skin cancer. ask your friend with sensitive skin, or your local albino pal. total boredom and monotany can drive a person insane over time. just ask your autistic coworker, or the guy with adhd who wasn't allowed to listen to music. they can also tell you what it feels like to be Overwhelmed, and what might be doing it.

breathing in smoke and chemicals is REALLY fucking bad for you. your friend with asthma or emphysema will sound off when you might be in a danger zone.

if your grandpa's bad knee is going all wonky, check the weather, there might be a storm coming. that's not an old wives' tail, that's bad joints reacting the pressure changes in the atmosphere.

If your disabled friend or coworker is having trouble in an environment, that's usually a sign it's not great for YOU, either. pay attention and stand up for their accessibility and accommodations. when the coworker with mild cerebral palsy gets a chair, it becomes infinitely easier to convince the manager to let everyone have a chair.