DPD's finest

maybe I'm doing this instead of paperwork, maybe not

[reed-it-and-weep-dpd]

Are you still alive?

Buddy, I'm so overworked right now the fucking androids are more alive than me.

And before any of them jump in here to say I'm being dramatic, I have two words for you: fuck. off.

[reed-it-and-weep-dpd]

You're just jealous because Connor looks better in the banana suit than you

Fuck off, no I'm not. I looked fucking great in that banana costume, thank you.

[leelany-world-deactivated202501]

Please meet Banannor.

[reed-it-and-weep-dpd]

Fuck. Well, I'll be seeing that in my nightmares.

[connor-sent-by-cyberlife]

Somewhere two RKs are laughing their asses off...

Happy April Fools' Day!!!

(click for better quality)

³ᵈ ᵐᵒᵈᵉˡ ᵖᵒʳᵗ ᵇʸ ᶻᵉᵖᵖᵉʳˢᵃʳᵗ ᵒⁿ ᵗʷᶦᵗᵗᵉʳ

[reed-it-and-weep-dpd]

What the fuck? They said no cameras!

[thesixtyin69]

We are blessed with photographic memory.

[reed-it-and-weep-dpd]

When I get a hold of you I'm turning off your wi-fi.

Just as soon as I get the fuck outta this costume.

[connor-sent-by-cyberlife]

Somewhere two RKs are laughing their asses off...

Happy April Fools' Day!!!

(click for better quality)

³ᵈ ᵐᵒᵈᵉˡ ᵖᵒʳᵗ ᵇʸ ᶻᵉᵖᵖᵉʳˢᵃʳᵗ ᵒⁿ ᵗʷᶦᵗᵗᵉʳ

[reed-it-and-weep-dpd]

What the fuck? They said no cameras!

[reed-it-and-weep-dpd]

Um, Detective, are you, uhhhh, single?

Painfully. Why? Need a fake date to the office Christmas party? I'm down, but you gotta talk me up to all your friends and tell them about all the cool stuff I've done.

[313-248-317-87]

im so obsessed with you, i would sacrifice a human in order to have an irl interaction with you

I have a few suggestions.

@reed-it-and-weep-dpd

[reed-it-and-weep-dpd]

I preferred it when you were too "busy" to be posting on here.

[reed-it-and-weep-dpd]

Why the fuck doesn't anyone know what happened in the break room? A whole building full of police officers and no one has a clue? I'm not buying it. What the fuck is going on?

[thesixtyin69]

Detective Reed. You appear to be in some distress. My programming can provide methods to cope. Follow along with me. Breathe in… and…

[reed-it-and-weep-dpd]

Only guilty people run. You know that, right?

[reed-it-and-weep-dpd]

Why the fuck doesn't anyone know what happened in the break room? A whole building full of police officers and no one has a clue? I'm not buying it. What the fuck is going on?

[thesixtyin69]

👀 It’s nice ⭐️ to meet you 🍑 My name is 6️⃣ Sixty 0️⃣ I’m so eager 🍆 to get to know you 👅 won’t you 🏃🏻‍♂️ come 💦 play with me 🤙

[reed-it-and-weep-dpd]

Can't get friends the usual way? Figures.

[thesixtyin69]

Friends? I’m fishing. You know, sport. Or have you forgotten what the meaning of exercise is? 😏

[reed-it-and-weep-dpd]

I know what it is. It's just not necessary when you look this good naturally.

[thesixtyin69]

Is that why you opted for a desk job, detective?

[reed-it-and-weep-dpd]

Location doesn't matter. I look good everywhere.

[thesixtyin69]

👀 It’s nice ⭐️ to meet you 🍑 My name is 6️⃣ Sixty 0️⃣ I’m so eager 🍆 to get to know you 👅 won’t you 🏃🏻‍♂️ come 💦 play with me 🤙

[reed-it-and-weep-dpd]

Can't get friends the usual way? Figures.

[thesixtyin69]

Friends? I’m fishing. You know, sport. Or have you forgotten what the meaning of exercise is? 😏

[reed-it-and-weep-dpd]

I know what it is. It's just not necessary when you look this good naturally.

[thesixtyin69]

👀 It’s nice ⭐️ to meet you 🍑 My name is 6️⃣ Sixty 0️⃣ I’m so eager 🍆 to get to know you 👅 won’t you 🏃🏻‍♂️ come 💦 play with me 🤙

[reed-it-and-weep-dpd]

Can't get friends the usual way? Figures.

[reed-it-and-weep-dpd]

Who is your favorite Marvel character? I feel like you'd be a Tony Stark fanboy, maybe?

I used to like Stark, then someone pointed out some similarities with that Kamski weirdo and now I can't unsee them. I'm gonna go with Captain America. He's got a good outlook on things and he's a badass with the face of a model. Reminds me of me 😉

[girlnephew]

[reed-it-and-weep-dpd]

@thesixtyin69 The fuck are you talking about?

[afterrr-hourrssss]

hard to get, harder to forget

[reed-it-and-weep-dpd]

@thesixtyin69

In what world are you hard to get??

[reed-it-and-weep-dpd]

@thesixtyin69 Can you please tell your fucking fans that they can't hang around outside the precinct? They won't listen to me.

I mean why should they? I'm only a fucking detective here. Thought you were too but I guess you're a celebrity instead 🙄

[thesixtyin69]

Apologies, detective. I’ll send them over to your address instead. 💙

[reed-it-and-weep-dpd]

Joke's on you, they're not gonna go even if you draw them a fucking map. I'm just a boring human. I could tell them your address though. Bet they'd be real interested to learn that.

[thesixtyin69]

The point is to have you badgered at all hours of a day. 😌💙

[lovermanslament]

@reed-it-and-weep-dpd can i have sixty's address please

[reed-it-and-weep-dpd]

Much as I would love to make good on what I threatened up there, I can't really just give out his address. You'd better ask him, buddy. I don't know how he feels about visitors.

[lovermanslament]

@thesixtyin69 can i have your address

[thesixtyin69]

It’s the twelfth cubby in the men’s locker room at the precinct.

[lovermanslament]

im not falling for th- (runs to the mens locker room at the precinct and frantically searches the 12th cubby, burying my hands in it and searching with my tongue out like a cartoon while bombs go off and glass breaks until i yell "aha" and pull you out of the cubby. then i give you a kiss on the forehead)

[thesixtyin69]

Did you read the name on the cubby?

[reed-it-and-weep-dpd]

You know damned well whose cubby it is seeing as you put glue on the bottom of it once. Or did your perfect android brain forget that?

[thesixtyin69]

Oh. I didn’t forget. 💙

[reed-it-and-weep-dpd]

What glitter bomb?

[reed-it-and-weep-dpd]

@thesixtyin69 Can you please tell your fucking fans that they can't hang around outside the precinct? They won't listen to me.

I mean why should they? I'm only a fucking detective here. Thought you were too but I guess you're a celebrity instead 🙄

[thesixtyin69]

Apologies, detective. I’ll send them over to your address instead. 💙

[reed-it-and-weep-dpd]

Joke's on you, they're not gonna go even if you draw them a fucking map. I'm just a boring human. I could tell them your address though. Bet they'd be real interested to learn that.

[thesixtyin69]

The point is to have you badgered at all hours of a day. 😌💙

[lovermanslament]

@reed-it-and-weep-dpd can i have sixty's address please

[reed-it-and-weep-dpd]

Much as I would love to make good on what I threatened up there, I can't really just give out his address. You'd better ask him, buddy. I don't know how he feels about visitors.

[lovermanslament]

@thesixtyin69 can i have your address

[thesixtyin69]

It’s the twelfth cubby in the men’s locker room at the precinct.

[lovermanslament]

im not falling for th- (runs to the mens locker room at the precinct and frantically searches the 12th cubby, burying my hands in it and searching with my tongue out like a cartoon while bombs go off and glass breaks until i yell "aha" and pull you out of the cubby. then i give you a kiss on the forehead)

[thesixtyin69]

Did you read the name on the cubby?

[reed-it-and-weep-dpd]

You know damned well whose cubby it is seeing as you put glue on the bottom of it once. Or did your perfect android brain forget that?