ontheedge0721

✿ 𝓓e𝓈𓈒 erve . ݃to ◟ wι ׂ ther ⸝⸝

[reeduslovw]

┊ 𝒮uzαn𝓈 peαce ┊

꒰ ♡︎ ꒱ αbout — ιnfo to read before continuing looking at my profile ◞

ׂ ✿ ι’m making this blog to bring myself some semblance of comfort . giving myself an outlet that isn’t only seen and understood by me . so others who feel the same can also find comfort maybe. ι’ll probably mostly be venting about lιfe . hopefully other stuff too , like my interests !! ιt’ll depend on my mood .

◟ 𓈒 ﹒ ﹒rαndom ꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱ ﹒﹒ 𓈒 ◞

— ι go by many dιfferent names onlιne , lιke suzan , clementιne , or moore . you can call me anythιng you’d lιke tho ( that’s not nsfw or ιnapproprιate ) .

— ι absolutely adore cats , ι want to come back as one when ι dιe . musιc ιs my lιfelιne tbh . my favorιte artιsts as of now are coldplay , blιnk-182 , mιchael jackson , 112 , and the bee gees . hm to glee cast covers and movιe / show soundtrack songs !

𓂅 dnι ‘ 𝓈 : orange supports , m*ga , or anyone who doesn’t support ending meaningless wars . or if you’re possibly uncomfortable with sensitive topics regarding su*cide , d*pression , body & family issues , or things like that — as i may mention such things and don’t want anyone to be uncomfortable . ♡

[reeduslovw]

i really think about it, and although it pains me so much to admit. because i know it’s not fair, that it shouldn’t be this way.

but my mom really is the main, truest part of my unhappiness.

and i hate that.

[reeduslovw]

just a girl and her “i can say anything i want to you” and “okay, but I-“ mom ripping at her sanity bit by bit.

[reeduslovw]

never feeling pretty or feminine enough like those around you. even when you want to be, really really bad—wanting to wear cute skirts, lacy underwear, and pretty dresses—but you’re too ugly and fat. so you lean into the tomboy in yourself instead. it’s not like you don’t like it either, ‘cause you do like the masculine style. but you also want to feel pretty and like a girl too sometimes. but you can’t, and it feels like you never will.

[reeduslovw]

[reeduslovw]

mothers be the best at making shit about themselves, it’s insane 💀

[reeduslovw]

since when has happiness become unachievable?

[reeduslovw]

i hate that i’m so much of a coward to do the things i want to do. i’ve got fear and anxiety embedded into my skin, it eats at me every second of every day.

i’m a fucking loser because i can’t do shit.

i’m reminded every day how much i suck when my eyes open. the first conscious breath i take, i’m already degrading myself. appalled that i had the nerve to live another day.

what a fucking waste.

[reeduslovw]

it’s easy to chalk someone’s depression up to just laziness. it means you don’t have to admit to yourself that you’re part of why they hate their fucking life.

[reeduslovw]

some people will simply never be satisfied with anything that you do. you can spend your whole life (which hasn’t been long) only living for them, only getting out of bed for them. but nothing will ever be good enough.

only your failures and your faults will be noticed, never your effort and your care. accept it. you’ll never be what they want, you can never give what they need.

stop trying to prove yourself to someone who won’t ever be convinced.

even your best efforts are so gratiously disregarded.

- .... .. ... / .. ... / .- -... --- ..- - / -- -.-- / -- --- - .... . .-.

[reeduslovw]

at some point you kind of just grow comfortable with the fact your life has no meaning. unfortunately, some people truly are just here to take up space, to waste oxygen, to use up resources.

i know i provide nothing of value to mother earth, that a singular ant does more for the world than me. i’m useless down to the dictionary definition and there’s nothing i can do to change that.

the only thing that brings me comfort is the reminder that one day mother earth will finally choose me. maybe then i could be capable of giving, give something worth taking. even if it’s as small as allowing my wasted breaths to someone worthy of them.

because i know i am not.

[reeduslovw]

you hear that small sound hitting your ears, your whole body tenses, bracing itself because it knows what’s coming.

*boom*

your heart thumps so hard against your chest, you flinch in surprise—even when you already knew it was coming.

*sparkle*

you see that beautiful shine though, all kinds of colors decorating the already painted sky, your shoulders slowly loosen.

a wave of calm washes over you, coating your skin like a thin blanket.

you wonder how something can be both frightening and breathtaking alike.

it feels like hope, maybe you aren’t destined to be just scary or frightening. you can be beautiful and breathtaking too.

anyway, happy 4th of july to all the immigrants, minorities, people of color, queers, and everyone else who believes in a better america with liberty and justice FOR ALL .

I love fireworks , hate the sound of them tho .