Welcome to my fic blog! This is where I'm sticking all my fics just in the name of having a second home for them. My Doctor Who blog is @butchthirteen and my AO3 handle is regenderate. So far everything I've posted here is also on AO3, so feel free to read on either site!
i mostly write doctor who. the specific characters/ships fluctuate but i tend to skew f/f when i’m not writing doctorrose. if you have a comment, question, prompt, whatever, please reply, reblog, or send an ask!
Post with all my WIPS is here.
Tags:
post type/subject: my fic, not fic, my wips, meta, recs
ships: thirteen/rose, thasmin, ten/rose, yaz/rose
characters: thirteenth doctor, rose tyler, yasmin khan, ryan sinclair, graham o'brien, the tardis, jack harkness, tenth doctor, bill potts
other tags/tropes: character study, canon compliant, canon divergence, fluff, hurt/comfort, polyamory, humor
length: drabble (<1k), short (1-7k), long (7k+ one-shot), chaptered
Each series, chaptered fic, and WIP has or will eventually have its own tag as well. Fics I've crossposted from AO3 won't be tagged as well as fics I post in the future-- I'm still figuring out how to manage this blog!
Here are the fics I've posted here so far! A ❤ means it's one of my favorites.
Series:
❤ Rescue: two connected thirteen/rose fics where rose shows up on gallifrey at the end of timeless children and then rescues thirteen from prison. read / read on ao3
Nothing in This World but You for Me: thirteen/rose au made up of standalone fics. instead of ten, nine regenerated right into thirteen. meaning that rose traveled with thirteen and then wound up with a thirteen metacrisis on her hands... series title is from the song you for me by terra naomi. there's an unfinished work in this one that i didn't crosspost-- if you're interested, go to ao3. i'm not sure i'll finish it, but it's not off the table. i've just changed a lot as a writer since then. read / read on ao3
Special Occasions: series of two thasmin formalwear fics. some of my earliest thasmin. mostly fluffy with lots of the whole fam. read / read on ao3
Fanzine/DWC Prompts: originally just fics written to fill prompts by @thirteenfanzine, now also includes prompts from the dw creators discord server (which rose out of the fanzine). generally short. most of these pieces aren't narratively linked, but they are all thirteen-centric. this series also includes the pieces i wrote for the first two fanzines. masterpost / tag / read on ao3
❤ And We're Not Out of the Tunnel: disabled rose au. or more specifically, au where the bad wolf thing has a lot of physical complications, and rose winds up having to leave the parallel universe. part one is tenrose, part two (affectionately known as "quarantine au") is thirteen/rose/yaz and still posting every saturday. all titles come from mitski's "i will." masterpost / read / read on ao3
I Bet You Though, There’s an End: companion series to and we’re not out of the tunnel. this one features fics in the universe of that series but not part of the main narrative. read / read on ao3
In Which the Doctor Fixes Herself (To Yaz): thasmin. post-lotsd where the doctor and yaz have a longer conversation and then FINALLY get to have some fluff. read / read on ao3
Maybe It’ll Be Okay: a couple thirteenyazrose fics. they’re all on the tardis, they have some important conversations, there’s a bit of fluff. read / read on ao3
DWC Drabble Bingo: my prompt fills for the doctor who creators drabble bingo challenge. they’re all in one post on here but it’s a series on ao3. read / read on ao3
Chaptered Fics:
❤ Heartbeats: 60k in total. a thirteen/rose au where rose is immortal and joins up with the fam after s11. the first doctor who fic i wrote, doesn't take itself too seriously, includes a few characters from other places in new who. complete. read / read in order / read on ao3
After All: tenrose WIP (with chapters that stand alone). the softer moments after each adventure. read / read in order / read on ao3
❤ Someone Else, In This Vast, Empty Universe: 17k in total. rose/yaz, with hints of thasmin and tenrose. yaz is stuck in the 1900's when she meets dimension-hopping rose. they have some things in common, and they find some comfort in each other. complete. read / read in order / read on ao3
Who You Pretend to Be (Who You Are): 30k. thasmin and thirteenrose and also the master is there for no real reason. written for the 2022 doctor who creators summer exchange. chameleon arch au where the human doctor thinks yaz is her girlfriend and also they happen to be in the same city as a post-journey’s-end rose tyler. also incorporates my disabled rose headcanons. read / read in order / read on ao3
When I Run Away (You’re Who I Run To): 80k and counting (still in progress). thirteenyazrose human au. written for a prompt for the doctor who creators au fest. yaz and rose run a tattoo/piercing shop, thirteen runs a bakery with donna. ace is also there. everyone ran away from their family at like sixteen because this is a human au about doctor who characters and that’s what doctor who characters are like. read / read on ao3
Tell Me, Is Devotion a Gift or a Thief: 5k. twelverose bar reunion. first chapter is dimension hopping rose; second chapter is post-journey’s end immortal rose. read / read on ao3
Standalones:
❤ How Much She Cares: 8k. my first thasmin fic. wrote this as a possible progression for their relationship back during s11. read / read on ao3
❤ Still: 1.5k. au of it takes you away where rose showed up in the solitract universe. narrated from yaz's perspective. read / read on ao3
Common Ground: 5k. au where rose meets the parallel universe version of thirteen after a weeping angel zaps them both back in time. read / read on ao3
Halfway Between: 2k. exploration of what happens to jenny (doctor's daughter), astrid, clara, and bill after they "die." asks the question, "what if all the half-dead women on the show... were friends?" read / read on ao3
Lasting Memory: 3k. angsty character study of the doctor with very light thasmin. read / read on ao3
❤ Per Aspera: 12.5k. thirteen raises a human child. one of my favorite fics i've ever written. a bit of a character study, a bit of an exploration of what it is to be immortal among humans. emotional. read / read on ao3
Better Days: 5k. thirteen/rose with a hint of thasmin. the doctor is chameleon arched and sent back to london in 2004. she winds up befriending a pre-s1 rose. read / read on ao3
❤ A Last, Tenuous Connection: 3.5k. doctor/rose with a hint of thasmin. ten figures out how to open a line of communication to the parallel universe and uses it to text rose. follows doctors ten through thirteen. read / read on ao3
❤ Attachments: 5k. yaz and rose friendship with hints of thirteen/rose and thasmin. yaz accidentally runs into a tardis rose is piloting and they become friends while rose tries to get yaz back to the doctor. read / read on ao3
When the Music Stops: 3k. thirteen/corsair from back when all the thirteen fans were into thirteen/corsair. the doctor gets to reconnect with another time lord and also she finally gets some sleep. read / read on ao3
Excavation: 2k. thirteen/river. hurt/comfort. written for the 2019 public call exchange. the doctor receives a call for help on her psychic paper. when she gets there, she finds river buried under a pile of rubble. read / read on ao3
❤ Staring Down Forever: 3k. clara-centric, featuring ashildr. set post-spyfall in the show's timeline. clara is ready to die and returns to gallifrey with ashildr only to see it razed. they track down thirteen to ask what happened. read / read on ao3
Runaway: 1.5k. yaz-centric. set during the ghost monument with yaz's storyline in can you hear me in mind. yaz has a crisis over what will happen if she never gets home. read / read on ao3
The Traveler's Home: 1k. character study of thirteen with the central question, "what if she settled down?" the answer is "have a weird little antique store," of course. read / read on ao3
Sudden Changes: 2k. bill meets thirteen. written for the missed connections exchange in 2020. read / read on ao3
❤ Safe Harbor: 1.5k. the doctor gets hurt and yaz has to take care of her. an attempt at exploring some of the doctor's regeneration trauma. read / read on ao3
An Encounter with a Wolf: 1.5k. when the doctor opens the tardis at the end of the halloween apocalypse, yaz opens a door to another universe and talks to a strange woman who calls herself the bad wolf. read / read on ao3
In the Meantime: 2k. thasmin, canon divergence from once, upon time. yaz gets thrown into her future, where the doctor interrupts her in the middle of a date. prompted by someone in the dw creators discord. read / read on ao3
❤ Home at the End of the Universe: 3.5k. thasmin. the vanquishers from yaz's perspective. includes a deeper exploration of canon scenes + some added moments. read / read on ao3
She Comes Back the Same (Everything Else Is Different): 2.5k. thirteen and jack. the missing scene in revolution of the daleks between them in the tardis and returning to sheffield. the doctor can have a little crying in the shower. as a treat. read / read on ao3
Back Here in Another Universe (After All You've Been Through): 3k. rose shows up at the end of timeless children and the tardis shows her what's going on. a bit of hurt/comfort. written for the 2022 style swap in the dw creators server. read / read on ao3
When the Sun Rises: 1.7k. fourteenrose but like i wrote it the second fourteen (as in ncuti gatwa) was announced so depending on when you're reading this uh. your mileage may vary. just after regenerating the doctor runs into a familiar face... but they can't quite remember who it is. read / read on ao3
❤ Anabasis: 3k. thasmin with tenrose on the side. piece for the third thirteen fanzine. thirteen and yaz have their moment on the beach, and it reminds thirteen of her past. read / read on ao3
Every Cell Anew (Every Wound the Same): 2k. thirteenrose in the “thirteen isn’t over rose” sense. thirteen comes back to the powell estate after the events of dw redacted and meets cleo. they have a conversation. read / read on ao3
I'm aware of the fact that honestly, there's not enough fics for this ship (a tragedy) to warrant a master list, but I wanted to share some of my very favorite thirteenrose fics.
All below the cut!!
last sunrise in the wasteland, by Shaedan
A tragic, angsty fic of how Thirteen would handle being able to interact with Rose, one last time.
i'm on my own, you're at the beach hundreds of miles away, by thelemonisinplay
Rose only has 36 hours in her universe to solve a problem, and then she's heading home. Angsty lovely closure.
'cause I followed my star (that's what you are), by quantumshade
Lovely little one-shot, where instead of regenerating into Ten during the Christmas Invasion, the Doctor regenerates into Thirteen.
A Door Once Opened, by BlueMargaritasAndYum
Rose comes back, but she's got a wedding to attend to, and what better way to do it, then have the Doctor be her fake girlfriend. Super sweet, soft fic that I loved.
Back Here in Another Universe (After All You've Been Through), by regenderate
Fantastic reunionfic one-shot, that I have no notes for. It ate that up.
Pink and Yellow Roses, by CupofSonic
Another by CupofSonic! Multi-doctor one-shot, ultimately ending with a thirteenrose reunion. Beautiful prose and an excellent understanding of the characters.
I'll Take You There Someday, by Allamarain
You want Thirteen pining after Rose, even after thousands of years? Look no further than this angsty hurt filled one-shot that breaks your heart in the best of ways.
The Reason (Is You), by MarbleHeart
Featuring two of my favorite tropes: Thirteen looking like Rose for a reason, and a reunionfic! Gorgeous fic!
Heal Thyself, by Allamarain
I love Tentoo as much as the next person, but what if he was too much? What if Rose couldn't fix him? This explores that, in the first longer form story yet on this list!
One Ring to Bind Them, by CupofSonic
Multi-doctor fic that has them mourning over Rose, until suddenly, they don't have to mourn anymore.
You're So Northern, by MiJasmine
What do I need to say about this? Short, soft, fluffy reunionfic!
i had a feeling so peculiar, by tablox
Love the hints of Bad Wolf throughout this one! The Doctor is searching, but can she find Rose? Reunionfic
Here I Love You, by Maiden_of_the_Moon
A desperately mourning Doctor talks to sixteen year old Rose in a club. ANGST fest galore, but beautifully written.
It's Me Here, Riding A Light Through The Universe, by Allamarain
What if Rose had never met the Doctor until she was twenty three? This story explores that! Another long form fic by Allamarain that I THOROUGHLY enjoyed.
You Will Find Me Time After Time, by mltrefry
This is seriously one of my favorite thirteenrose fics ever. When the stars never went out, Rose was trapped in the other universe, but now, for a completely unrelated problem, she has returned. Will she meet the Doctor? Another longer one!
When The Chaos Calls Me Out, by Melusine0811
Thirteen follows the ache of a broken bond to Pete's World, where she finds Rose alone and hurting, the Metacrisis nowhere to be found. What's an alien to do? Longer form, and absolutely brilliant!
i wished on a star (it brought me you), by rcsetyler
Broken and alone in Pete's World, Rose tries to find the one person to lessen her grief. A wonderful reunionfic.
come on, come home to me, by nounpolycule
Short and sweet reunionfic of what might've happened if Rose was stranded in the same place the TARDIS had stopped.
Pertinacia by lumidaub
The first incomplete and first comic of this post, but don't let that dissuade you! This comic is gorgeously drawn, with just the right amount of ridiculousness. Very excited to see where lumidaub takes it next!!
your bouquet of golden roses, by lifeitself
Also incomplete, and unlikely to be finished, but truly one of the most gorgeous and well written pieces of media that I have had the fortune to consume in the past few years. The last chapter is a decent enough stopping point, and the story and prose itself are so so worth it.
a collapsing star, by sunshinemachine
A little twisted and convoluted in the best of ways, this is an angsty one-shot that will keep you on the edge of your seat!
No More, by Singing_Siren
What can I say other than a masterfully executed reunion one-shot!
World in Flux, by withthekeyisking
Rose takes a bit of a unique path back to her original universe, but she muddles along the best she can, hoping to eventually find the Doctor. Great one-shot!
Interwoven, Entangled, by regenderate
Multi-doctor fic showing how Rose fits in with the rest of the Doctors, featuring one of my very favorite hcs, Bad Wolf as Disability!
forever (wondering if you knew), by sherlgrey
Silly little multi-doctor speed dating fic, and ends with some gorgeous thirteenrose.
Fandom: Doctor Who
Ships: Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Characters: Tenth Doctor, Rose Tyler
Rating: General
Word Count: 2,653
Other Tags: Egg Tenth Doctor, Transfem Tenth Doctor, Sharing Clothes, Making Out, Intimacy, Drag, Pre-Episode: Fear Her
Read on AO3
Summary: Rose and the Doctor have an exchange.
NOTES: inspired by this art by nipuni! original concept was that art -> this image pipeline
the intention here is 100% very much to be writing the tenth doctor as an egg ie. as a trans girl who doesn't know she's a girl yet. i've used he/him pronouns because it's from ten's pov and at this point in time ten's internal monologue is using he/him pronouns but i would like everyone to know where this fic stands on the subject. happy tomorrow is transfem ten(too) tuesday. (and the drag tag is entirely for rose in the doctor's clothes. it is drag To Me.)
also this takes place right before fear her in my mind <3
“What do you think?” Rose was standing at the foot of her bed, her arms spread wide. She also, as it happened, was wearing the Doctor’s blue button-up, his tie loosely tied around her neck. “Can I pull it off?”
The Doctor raised his eyebrows. He’d been lying on her bed in his undershirt, idly flicking through one of the Earth gossip magazines Rose brought back from her visits home as he waited for her to be out of the shower. He’d learned a lot about early 21st century celebrity culture, but he had been so absorbed in that that he hadn't noticed Rose, freshly showered, coming out of the bathroom and putting on his shirt.
“Er—” He floundered. The truth was, she could pull it off. The shirt was endearingly too big for her: just the tips of her fingers were poking out of the sleeves, and the hem came down to her mid thigh. There was a rakish quality to the tie, too. The Doctor had to admit—it was cute. But before he could say that, Rose held up a hand.
“Wait—don't answer that.” She picked up his jacket from the chair where he'd left it and pulled it on. “Now?”
“D’you want my trousers, too, while you're at it?” The Doctor was trying to give off an air of annoyance, but truthfully it was hard to be annoyed with Rose. Especially not when she was grinning at him like that.
“Only if you can spare them,” she said.
As she focused on buttoning the jacket, he unzipped his trousers and peeled them off his legs. He balled them up and tossed them at her.
It struck him, as he watched Rose’s attempts at getting his trousers to stay up around her waist, that this was somehow the most exposed he'd been around her. They’d spent nearly every waking moment together for—well, it was nearly impossible to tell how long, what with the time travel and all, but it had been a good while—and Rose had never seen the Doctor’s legs. He wondered whether he ought to be self-conscious. And then he realized if he was wondering, he probably was self-conscious. Why was he self-conscious? All right, yes, he preferred to be covered up, but there was no real reason for it. And anyway, he knew Rose wouldn't mind. She'd seen him in far more compromising circumstances, all things considered, and she still liked him well enough to let him sit in her bedroom while she showered. Still, he found himself pulling his legs closer to his body, and by the time Rose had found a belt and used it to cinch his trousers at her waist, he was sitting cross-legged at the head of the bed.
“Hang on,” she said, looking down at herself. “Where's the coat? If I'm doing this right, I need the coat.”
“It's in the console room, I'm afraid.”
Rose grinned. “Wait here, then.” She was out the door in a second, a blur of brown and blue and blonde. Obedient, the Doctor leaned back against the pillows to wait.
It was only a few minutes before Rose was back, the Doctor’s coat flapping around her heels. She struck a pose. “Now do I pull it off?”
The Doctor looked. “Hang on, are you wearing my shoes?” They were barely visible under the trousers, but still, he would've remembered if Rose had owned Converse.
She rolled her eyes. “Had to get the full ensemble, didn't I?”
“Hm.” The Doctor looked at her properly. Yes, his clothes were too big for her—but he had a feeling they wouldn't have fit her half as well if they’d been tailored. “Yes, well, I suppose you look all right.”
Rose raised her eyebrows. “Just all right?”
“Fine, fine, you wear it well.”
Rose beamed. She plunged a hand into the pockets—bigger on the inside, those pockets were, and nigh impossible to navigate, except Rose had figured out where the important things were kept—and pulled out his sonic screwdriver. “Now I’m really the Doctor,” she said. “Suppose I’d better start acting like it, too.” Her back straightened, and she put on what he quickly recognized was a caricature of his tone. “Now, I think you'll find, if you just overload the—flux capacitor—”
“That's from Back to the Future,” the Doctor interrupted. “Won't find it on the TARDIS.”
“Ah, but that's a common misconception,” Rose replied, still in character. “The flux capacitor is actually the most important part of the TARDIS—”
“Not how that works—”
“—and any relationship between that name and any films from the 1980’s probably has something to do with a very wet day I spent with—whoever wrote that screenplay—”
“Ah, yes, well, you're not too far off the mark there—”
He could swear he saw a smirk. But Rose didn't break character. “And, besides, they got everything else about the time travel wrong, despite my—my best efforts—so there's not much point discussing it further.” She stepped towards the Doctor. “Anyway, what have we here?” She waved the sonic at him and, with a flourish, pretended she was reading it. “Hold on…” She fished in his pocket again and came back with his glasses, which she perched on the bridge of her nose. “Ah, yes.” She picked up the Doctor’s hand and angled it this way and that. “If I'm right…” Her eyes met his, and a second later the tip of her tongue flicked across his skin. He fought the urge to yank his hand away, and meanwhile she pulled back, saying, “Ah, yes. Just as I suspected. Time Lord through and through.”
The Doctor shook his head. His hand still tingled from where she'd been holding it. That, and the spot where she'd licked him was uncomfortably colder than the rest of his skin. “Too clever for your own good, you are.” He tilted his head to the side. “Anyway, if you're the Doctor, who am I supposed to be?”
Rose hummed. “Too bad my clothes won't fit, or you could be Rose.” She looked around. “Except… there's always my makeup.”
The Doctor started. “There's—what?”
Rose was already grabbing things off her vanity. Before the Doctor could protest, she'd shed the long coat and tucked his glasses back into their pocket so she could clamber onto the bed and swing one leg over his lap to straddle him.
“Right, now, hold still.” All of a sudden, Rose’s face was very close to his. Not that he was complaining—quite the opposite—but it still took him a moment to adjust to the proximity, the warm weight of her legs around his waist, her big eyes centimeters from his. “Don't think you’d enjoy loads of foundation—hang on, close your eyes.”
Without thinking, the Doctor obliged. He did his best not to flinch when he felt a soft pad on his eyelid—eyeshadow, he was reasonably sure.
The Doctor couldn't really say how it had happened, but at some point, while Rose was applying the eyeshadow, he'd wound up lying on his back against the pillows, and Rose was hovering over him, tilting her head this way and that as she evaluated her work.
“Hold still,” she said, this time weilding an eyeliner pencil, and the Doctor was quick to oblige, lest he lose an eye to what was essentially a whim. Rose was gentle, though, pulling the pencil carefully along his eyelid. “Keep your eyes closed,” she said, and the Doctor felt something—a mascara wand?—brushing against his eyelashes.
When Rose finally pulled away and the Doctor finally opened his eyes, she smiled with satisfaction. “Right, now blush—” She picked up another little plastic case and popped it open. The Doctor watched, this time, as she dipped a brush into the case and swept it over his cheeks. “You've got good bone structure,” she commented, half-distracted still.
“Er—thanks?” What made bone structure ‘good’? Still, it didn't matter, he could take a compliment.
Rose snapped the blush closed. “How do you feel about lipstick?” she asked. “I don't wear it all the time—but this is a special occasion—”
“How do you figure that?”
He felt her shrug in the way her body shifted over him. “Don't know. Not every day you let me do your makeup.”
The Doctor frowned. “You've never asked.”
“Didn't think of it ‘til now.”
“So, it's not that I don't let you do this,” he said. “You didn't think of it.”
“Oh, yeah? You’d let all this happen again?”
The Doctor considered for a moment. Frankly, there was a lot he'd do if it meant Rose would straddle him like this, but he wasn't going to say that. “I don't mind it,” he finally said. “‘Course, I have yet to see a final product—”
“All in good time,” Rose promised. “Now stop talking so I can do the lipstick.”
“All right, all right.” The Doctor held still as Rose came in again with a tube of bright red lipstick.
“Okay, now do this—” She pressed her lips together.
The Doctor mimicked her, and she smiled.
“Brilliant.” She leaned in to inspect her work. “You're hot, as a woman.”
The Doctor’s mouth had gone very dry. “What, I wasn't hot before?”
Rose smiled. She was still leaning over him, now, propped up on her elbows with her face hovering above his. “Didn't say that, did I?”
This all felt surreal. They flirted all the time, of course, but this was different. More direct, more intimate, with the added layer of vulnerability that came with sitting in his underwear and letting someone else get close to his eyes with something stick-shaped and vaguely pointy. If he tried, the Doctor could map out all the steps that had gotten them to this point, but he still couldn't quite figure out why they’d all happened, nor was he quite sure why their natural conclusion had been this, Rose Tyler leaning over him and telling him he made for a hot woman.
He struggled to find a response. “Er—”
But before he could say anything, Rose’s head tilted forward, her eyes suddenly impossibly close to his, and he found himself completely incapable of speech. She smiled like she knew, and then before he could recover his facilities her lips were on his, and he knew he was done for. All the time he'd spent trying to avoid this—telling himself he couldn't cross that line—and he'd been fooling himself. All it had taken was the barest nudge, and the line had dissolved. There wasn’t a thought in his mind of pushing her away, not now Rose’s knees were pressing into his waist, not now her tongue was running along his bottom lip, not now his whole body was on fire with the thrill of it all. He didn't want to think what was happening to the lipstick she had so carefully applied—but, then again, she didn't seem offended, and after all it wasn't like he couldn't reapply if he felt like it later.
His hands had found their way to her back, and he pressed her warm weight close against him, the knot of his—or, he supposed it was her—tie pressing into his chest. He scrambled to undo it, all while Rose did her absolute best to keep him distracted. Her tongue had made its way into his mouth, and now it was running along the back of his teeth, which was an altogether pleasant sensation, as it turned out.
He finally got the tie undone, and his hands rested on Rose’s waist. He cursed himself for wearing so many layers—sure, he liked the suit, but he’d never considered how it would perform in this situation. Although, really, how could he have predicted this situation? He’d give himself a pass on the grounds that he never, not in a million years, would have expected any of this. Even if he wished he could be feeling the soft give of Rose’s waist through one of her T-shirts instead of layers of stiff fabric.
As if she could read his mind, one of Rose’s hands went to the buttons of the jacket. Clumsily, she managed to undo them, and the Doctor slid the jacket off her shoulders and tossed it to the side. It still wasn’t enough—she wasn’t close enough—and in the strange, surreal bubble of the evening, he had just enough confidence to tug at the hem of the shirt and slip his hands under, skimming them along the skin of Rose’s back—and yes, this was much better. Rose, for her part, had started kissing down his jaw to his neck, and when her teeth scraped at his pulse point, he gasped. He felt her smile against his skin, and he couldn’t help but smile too. He’d wanted this for so long—but he’d never dreamed it would feel like this.
Rose moved back up to his mouth, and he kissed her with everything he had. One of her hands was brushing through his hair now, tugging gently at the roots. His breaths were coming hard and fast—no thanks to his respiratory bypass, which seemed to have gone offline—his skin seemed to sing with the joy of being touched—and then something shifted, and he and Rose both were moving more slowly, her hand tracing the back of his ear, his breaths slowing, until finally Rose pulled back and grinned. She brushed her thumb across the Doctor’s lower lip.
“Sorry,” she said. “I’ve made a bit of a mess of your lipstick.”
The Doctor breathed out a laugh. “No need to apologize,” he said.
Rose’s grin grew.
--
The Doctor woke up the next morning in Rose’s bed, still in his undershirt and not much else. Rose was fast asleep next to him, still in his button-up, although she seemed to have kicked off his trousers. She seemed to stir when he brushed a hand through her hair, but it didn’t last—she burrowed her head further into her pillow, and he chuckled to himself as he stretched.
He gathered up his trousers and jacket and retreated to the wardrobe. It wasn’t until he caught sight of his face in the mirror that he remembered he hadn’t done anything to wash off the makeup from the night before. He leaned in. Even after sleeping in it, he had to admit he didn’t look half bad—maybe Rose had had a point when she’d said he was hot this way. Not that the Doctor typically spent a lot of time thinking about whether or not he was hot in really any capacity, but, well, even he noticed that the now-smudged eyeliner gave his eyes a bit of definition, and even though half the blush must’ve rubbed off, he sort of liked the way it framed his face.
Still. His eyes were a bit irritated, and his lips felt dry and chapped. He found a pack of makeup wipes in a drawer next to the mirror, and before long his face was bare again. He glanced in the mirror—yes, that was what he expected, just the same as always—and then busied himself about finding a shirt. Perhaps he wouldn’t bother with all the layers today. He didn’t quite feel like dealing with all those buttons. He shed his undershirt and replaced it with a blue henley, and then he shrugged his jacket on over his shoulders. It managed to not be too wrinkled. His trousers had lost some of their crease, but they were presentable enough. He spent a couple minutes on his hair, and then he went out to the console room to wait for Rose.
She appeared about ten minutes later, freshly dressed in her own clothes and with a shy smile on her face. He returned it with a grin.
“All right, Rose Tyler, where are we going today?”
Rose practically skipped to stand next to him. “Dealer’s choice?”
Fandom: Doctor Who
Ships: Fifteenth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Characters: Fifteenth Doctor, Rose Tyler
Rating: General
Word Count: 1,932
Other Tags: Reunions, Immortal Rose, Bad Wolf as Disability
Read on AO3
Summary: After years of looking for the Doctor, Rose meets a strange-but-familiar man at the club.
NOTES: i happened to finish this on esther's birthday so it's for him now. everyone say happy birthday @nounpolycule
anyway i have a ton of long wips that are going super slowly because of how grad school owns my entire soul now so this is my attempt to remind myself that i can write things that are short sometimes.
title from may i have this dance by francis and the lights. which has some of my favorite lyrics of any song and i'm forever mad at spotify for not telling me the version of it i first discovered is a cover (by meadowlark)
Rose leaned against the bar, drink in hand.
The glass was full. Half an hour, and she hadn't even taken a sip. She'd meant to try and relax a bit, let loose, but it just wasn't happening. Her head hurt, her bones ached, and she felt the ever-present exhaustion hovering over her, threatening to take her out at the knees.
Not to mention—ten years.
She'd been back in this universe for ten years. And she still hadn’t found the Doctor.
She'd tried, of course. She'd looked for unusual happenings, bumps in the timeline, anything that might indicate the presence of a haphazardly landed time ship and its ridiculous occupant. She'd chased a million leads, ironed out as many of time’s odd little wrinkles as she could manage, followed timelines across millennia—running into the Doctor should've been inevitable, after all that. And yet she still hadn’t seen them.
And now here she was, slumped against the wall, trying to convince herself that this was still the sort of thing she enjoyed.
She sighed. Maybe it was time to go. She tipped what was left of her drink into her mouth and turned to leave.
But just as she started for the door, a flurry of motion caught her eye.
She disregarded it at first. It was coming from the dance floor, for goodness sake. Surely there was enough movement there to turn anyone’s head. But—no, this was an unexpected movement. Something out of time.
Rose turned to look.
Immediately, she was transfixed.
The densely-packed crowd of dancers all but faded away around the dancer who'd caught her eye.
Beautiful was the only word for him. He practically gleamed in the club lights—the sheen of sweat on his skin somehow made him more entrancing. He moved with a fluid ease, even as the moves themselves were unlike anything anyone else was doing. And there was something about him… Rose couldn't tear her eyes away. He just looked so joyful.
Tears startled her at the corners of her eyes, and she wiped them away with the back of her hand. She missed that sort of joy—that carefree movement, lost in a sea of people.
To hell with it. One dance wouldn't kill her. Rose took a step towards the dance floor.
Never mind. Maybe it would kill her, figuratively speaking. The bright lights and loud noises were doing nothing for her headache. Why had she come here again? She'd enjoyed nightclubs, once, but since then every cell in her body had surely changed, fallen away only to be wholly replaced. She could hardly expect to be the same person she was.
Still. It was nice to indulge the fantasy.
The dancing man had his hands above his head, skirt fanning out as he twirled. As Rose watched, he came to a stop, and then—
Was he looking at her?
Rose fiddled with the hem of her jacket. She probably looked out of place, in long pants and a full-on leather jacket, with barely any makeup. She hadn't minded, but now she'd been caught out, staring unabashedly at this man, and her usual armor wasn't quite right for the scenario.
The man stepped off the dance floor. He walked like he was still dancing, with graceful, deliberate steps. Rose forced her eyes to stay trained on the dance floor as he walked past her, presumably to the bar.
She'd been standing for too long. If she wasn't going to leave the club, she needed to find a place to sit. She looked around. Most of the tables were completely full—but then she noticed a group of people getting up, and Rose hurried over to take their table before anyone else could claim it. She kept an idle eye on the dance floor. She wasn’t up for it now—but a hundred years ago, she would've been there, carefree and having the time of her life.
There was movement in her periphery. She looked towards it only to see the man from earlier, now lowering himself into the chair next to her. He was holding two glasses.
“This your drink?” he asked, offering one to her.
Rose eyed him. “How’d you know?”
“Lucky guess.” He settled into the chair. “D’you come here a lot, then?”
Rose burst out laughing. “You're really opening with the oldest line in the book?”
“I didn't mean it like that.” He flashed a smile. “I'm not from around here. Don't know the scene.”
Rose hesitated. “It's not my usual haunt, no.” She raised her eyebrows at him. “Where are you from, then?”
He waved a hand. “Here and there.”
“How specific.” Rose felt herself start to smile. “And, I have to ask. Why are you here?”
“What?”
Rose nodded at the dance floor. “You've got a whole club to talk to. What are you doing here?”
He pointed at her. “You were looking at me.”
“Can't imagine I'm the only one,” Rose said, and then she blushed. She hadn't meant to be flirting—but, well, why shouldn't she? It would be ludicrous to pretend she wasn't attracted. “Why me?”
“Why not you?” He raised his eyebrows. “Got a big old skeleton in your closet, have you?”
“I've barely got a closet,” Rose said, truthfully. She kept a small flat, but it wasn't really home to her. No need for closet space, not when she hadn't bought new clothes in four years. “No room for skeletons.”
“That's a shame.” The man grinned. “There's always under the bed, I suppose.”
The space under Rose’s bed was full of random bits of alien tech she hadn't gotten around to investigating. “Not my bed,” she said. “No room, what with all the doodads I've got.”
“That's a technical term, is it?” He was smiling.
Rose smiled back. “Oh, yeah, definitely. I'm great with doodads.”
“How about thingamajigs?”
“Absolutely. One hundred percent. I'm there.”
He and Rose grinned at each other, and suddenly Rose was sitting in a chippy just off the Powell Estate, her feet knocking against the Doctor’s as they laughed.
She blinked.
That feeling—the fizzy joy of an easy back-and-forth—it had been at least ten years since she’d felt that way. It was nearly alien to her now.
But… it was nice. And there was no harm in it, was there? If this frankly gorgeous man wanted to buy her a drink and have a bit of flirty banter—well, she wasn't exactly going to say no.
The man gestured towards the dance floor with a flourish. “Would you like to dance?”
Rose weighed her options. There was a reason she’d held back, before. But… this was different. Unwise as dancing may be, this man was very quickly beginning to seem worth the sacrifice.
“Yeah, all right,” she said. She smiled. “Show me your moves.”
The man’s face lit up. He held out a hand to Rose, and she took it, allowing him to lead her to the dance floor. Before, when she was watching him, she’d felt like he reflected light outward, shining on the whole club, and now she shared in his glow, moving without care, lost in the light and sound, anchored entirely by this strange man’s hands at her waist.
It was the most she’d been touched in years. She felt a bit intoxicated—or maybe that was the alcohol—a bit light-headed—or maybe she’d just been upright too long—a bit exhilarated—and there was no way to explain that away.
The dance felt like it lasted forever, but both common sense and time sense told Rose it could've only been a few minutes before she started to feel out of breath.
“You all right?” He had to yell in her ear to be heard.
“Yeah, fine!” Rose hesitated. “D’you want to get out of here?”
“Thought you’d never ask.” His hand fit wonderfully around hers, and they stepped out onto the street together. The cool evening air was a welcome respite from the warm fervor of the club. Rose laughed to feel it on her face.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
The man gestured. “My place is just around the corner, if that's all right with you.”
Rose glanced at him. He was still grinning, still gorgeous, his face illuminated by the bright neon of the club’s sign. This night had been strange in the best way—she hardly objected to continuing it. “Lead the way, then.”
His grin grew, as if that was even possible, as if he had infinite capacity for joy. Together, they walked to the street corner—turned—
Rose felt it before she saw it. A rushing familiarity, a glorious sense of home, a giant weight lifted from her bones. She blinked. There it was: a wooden blue police box, innocently positioned in the center of a streetlight’s beam.
The TARDIS.
Her brain was short-circuiting. She'd stopped walking. She was staring. The TARDIS was here. The TARDIS was here, which meant the Doctor was here. The Doctor was—
She looked back at the man she was walking with. He was still grinning, his gaze fixed entirely, expectantly, on Rose.
Rose gasped. Her body felt like it was on fire. She looked from him to the TARDIS—back to him—her lips parted—she breathed out—and on her breath there was a name.
“Doctor?”
The look in his eyes was so achingly tender she wanted to cry. When he said her name, it sounded the same as it always had—low, soft, with an echo of reverence. “Rose Tyler.”
She fell into him. Immediately, instinctively, his arms wrapped around her waist, and she closed her eyes.
“Why didn’t you tell me it was you?”
She felt the vibrations in his chest when he laughed.
“Thought it would be more fun if you figured it out for yourself. And I was right, if you were wondering.”
He pulled back. His eyes met hers, and she stared, trying her hardest to take in the collection of features that made up this Doctor’s face.
“Oh, I missed you,” he breathed.
The words sank into Rose, settled into her bones.
“Not even going to ask how you got here,” he added. “Or how long it's been.”
“Dimension cannon,” Rose said. “And—hundred years?”
“Oh! Because—”
“Bad wolf, yeah.” Rose grimaced. “Turns out looking into all of time has some side effects.”
“Oh, Rose, I'm so sorry. I should've known.”
Rose shook her head. “Water under the bridge. Don’t apologize for that.” She raised her eyebrows. “Apologize for being so bloody hard to find. Been looking for years, I have, and best I can manage is a chance encounter?”
“Ah, the TARDIS knew what she was doing, landing here.”
“Typical. Blaming the TARDIS.” Rose scoffed. “Still haven’t forgotten about twelve months.”
“That was one time!”
“Scotland? Queen Victoria? Where were we trying to go then?”
“Oi, I made it to Sheffield eventually—”
“Not with me you didn’t!”
Their eyes met, and suddenly they were both laughing, falling into each other, and the Doctor’s arm curled around Rose’s waist as he asked, “What do you say, then? Fancy a trip?”
Rose let her head fall against his side. “Fancy a good night’s sleep first.”
“Hey, I've got beds.”
Rose smiled. “I've missed that time machine of yours.”
“Just between you and me? I think she's missed you too.” The Doctor dropped his arm from Rose’s waist in favor of taking her hand, and as he entwined his fingers with hers, they stepped together in the direction of the TARDIS.
Fandom: Doctor Who
Ships: Fourteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Characters: Fourteenth Doctor, Yasmin Khan
Rating: General
Word Count: 3,688
Other Tags: Reunions
Read on AO3
Summary: Finally ready to explain everything, the Doctor knocks on Yaz's door.
NOTES: i feel like i haven't posted anything in a million years… hi everyone :)
Yaz didn't expect the knock on her door.
For one thing, it was late at night. She'd just gotten home from a busy shift, and she was sort of looking forward to sprawling out on her sofa with a takeaway and some truly awful television. She was glad she'd gone for the EMT course, but wow, did Sheffield have some exhausting emergencies.
For another thing, no one just… knocked on her door. They texted ahead of time to ask if they could come by. Especially at this time of night.
The knock came again. Yaz sighed. Probably one of her neighbors was locked out or something. Well, if that was the case, she was the right person to ask, after that lockpicking demo Houdini had given her, and then all the practice she'd gotten. She made her way to the door—
—and opened it to a total stranger. Middle aged white man, by all appearances, and not one of her neighbors, or at least, she would've remembered if one of her neighbors had hair like that and went around matching their trousers to their waistcoat. Or went around wearing a waistcoat at all, for that matter—
Hang on. That fashion sense—something felt familiar.
This wasn't a stranger.
Yaz's heart leapt into her throat.
She could see it in the way they held themself, the way they were rocking back on their heels, the way their silence hung brightly in front of them as they waited for her to make the first move. She opened her mouth, only to realize she had no idea what to say—
What came out was, “It's midnight.”
“Oh. Sorry. Lost track of—”
“Yeah, I know.” Yaz raised her eyebrows. “So are you going to come in, or what?”
“Oh! Right! Yes! Coming in!” Their accent had changed, Yaz noted. She wasn't sure why she'd expected it to stay the same. Now she thought about it, she wondered why the change hadn't been more drastic—they'd been Scottish before, she was pretty sure, and then Northern, and now London, but why did they seem limited to just the one island when there was a whole world full of Anglophone accents out there?
She shook her head. It didn't matter. She stepped away from the doorframe, and they followed her into the kitchen.
“Nice place,” they remarked, looking around. Yaz followed their gaze. There was nothing particularly special about her kitchen—it had come with the flat, and featured the nondescript wooden cupboards and white counters. She’d hung up some string lights, and she kept the place clean, but mostly it looked like any other kitchen in any other rented flat.
“Nice enough,” she said. She nodded at the electric kettle, which was blowing steam in the corner. “I was just making a cup of tea. D’you want one?”
“Oh, sure.”
Yaz glanced over at them. Their eye was still moving around the space, taking everything in—yes, definitely familiar. And the way they slouched against one of the counters, head tilted back… Yaz felt a pang of bittersweet affection, so intense and sudden she had to look away.
“What sort of tea?” she asked. “Matcha? Chamomile? Peppermint? Earl Grey?” She glanced back. “Bit late for caffeine, if you’re constrained to linear time—”
“No, yes, that’s a good point.” They nodded. “Better be chamomile, then.”
“Right.” Yaz opened her tea drawer, plucked out two chamomile teabags, dropped them into the mugs, filled the mugs with hot water. She picked them both up and turned, holding one out as an offering—they took it, turning a critical eye to the galaxy-print mug.
“This is nice,” they said.
“Thanks,” Yaz said. “Gift from Sonya.”
“Right, right. How is Sonya?”
“Same as always.” Yaz smiled. “Still a menace.”
They laughed. “Sorry to hear it.”
Yaz raised her eyebrows. “So. What have you been up to?”
“Er—” Their eyes darted around the room, and yes, that was familiar too, the way they looked at their surroundings like a cornered prey animal, as if it was their house and Yaz was the one who'd knocked on the door late at night. “Could we maybe sit down?”
“‘Course.” Yaz led them to the little table in the corner of the room. They sat across from her, and Yaz eyed them as they sipped slowly from the galaxy-print mug. “You're different,” she said.
They tilted their head to the side, attentive, but they didn’t say anything. They just looked at her, brows drawn together, waiting to hear what she would say next.
Yaz swallowed. “I mean—” What did she mean? “You never used to be able to sit still like that.” She nodded at their arms, crossed at their chest, and their feet, planted firmly on the ground, and their eyes, trained entirely on Yaz. “How long has it been?”
“Oh, not so long. Few weeks, maybe?”
Yaz’s eyebrows shot up. “A few weeks?”
“Yes, I know, I should’ve come sooner—”
“Doctor,” Yaz said. “It’s been over a year.”
They went quiet at that.
“I’ve been here, worried about you, for over a year.”
“I’m sorry.”
Yaz’s eyes widened. It wasn’t just that they’d apologized—the Doctor had done that plenty. But the way they said it—slowly, carefully, with mavity and weight behind it—even though she'd begged and pled for this, Yaz had never, ever thought she'd actually get it. Especially not a full year after she’d walked out of the TARDIS forever.
“I shouldn't have kicked you out.” They took a deep breath. “I should've told you what was going on. I—” They were studying their hand, tilting it back and forth in front of them. “I wasn't ready yet. It's not an excuse, I just—” They shook their head. “I'm sorry,” they said again, and they looked just enough like a kicked puppy that Yaz couldn't help but smile.
“I've missed you,” she said.
“I've missed you too.”
“You've really hurt me.” Yaz found herself fiddling with the string on her teabag, her fingers twisting so that it twined around them, staring at the thin lines the tea-stained thread left in her skin. “UNIT had to find me a therapist who wouldn't tell me I was delusional.”
They grimaced. “I've got one too. Also from UNIT. Not the same one, I hope.”
“I’d assume not,” Yaz said. “Being your therapist is probably a full-time job on its own, actually. No time for other clients.”
They laughed. “Quite right. That's part of why I'm here, actually.” They hesitated. “Well—not here, here. Although—that too. But I mean—on Earth, here.”
“What, so you can do therapy?” Yaz tried to imagine it. How did their sessions even go?
“Sort of.” They paused. “I had—maybe you could call it an out-of-body experience?”
Yaz raised her eyebrows.
“Or—an in-body experience, but with another body, also mine, next to me.” They shake their head. “It's a long story. I'll tell it, if you like, but—” They took a deep breath. “What I came here to say is, I'm sorry I hurt you.”
Yaz suppressed a gasp.
The Doctor had never looked at her like this, had never met her eyes with so few reservations, so few barriers.
“Therapy’s working, then?” she joked, and then she winced, because this was no time for that sort of joke. “Sorry. I mean—” She returned their eye contact and exhaled, dispelling all her self-consciousness and worry so that she could mean it, totally and completely, when she said, “Thank you.”
She saw the moment they heard it, the moment the tension went out of their shoulders, the moment they sighed in relief. After a long inhale, they added, “Can I—I mean—do you still want to hear everything? Can I tell you?”
Yaz looked at them. It had been over a year since she’d seen them last—over a year since Let’s not say goodbye, since Can we just live in the present?, since I want to tell you everything. She’d done a lot, in that year. Spent time learning how to be on her own, how to be herself, how to live an interesting life even if the Doctor wasn’t there. And she’d come to terms with the fact that she wouldn’t know, could never know, what it was that had the Doctor racing from adventure to adventure, chasing after total strangers, putting herself and Yaz in constant danger.
But—here they were. The Doctor. Every cell in their body had changed, and they’d still come back for Yaz.
She swallowed. “Okay,” she said. “I’d like that.”
“You remember,” the Doctor began, “when we went to Gallifrey?”
Yaz nodded. She remembered only too well: the strange, shining portal; running into a jarringly unfamiliar TARDIS; the Doctor’s tear-stained face.
“The Master showed me something from Time Lord history.” The Doctor set down their mug. “Something—about me, as it turned out.”
Yaz waited.
“They lied to me.” The Doctor’s voice was low and rough. “They said I was one of them.”
“And you're not?”
The Doctor shook their head. “They—this woman—she found me.”
“Found you?”
“As a kid. Found me, took me in.” They took a deep breath. “Did you know, there wasn't always such a thing as a Time Lord? It's a rank, not a species. Got a bit muddled, later on, but—” A long pause. “I was the first.” The way they said it—Yaz could hear the tears in their voice. They sounded so childlike, so helpless—and they continued—“They didn't have regeneration before me. I fell—died—came back—” They looked up at Yaz. “My adopted mother was a scientist.”
The words hung in the air for a long moment.
“She—” Yaz began, unsure how to ask the question.
“She experimented on me. Killed me, over and over again. Figured out how to use my regeneration energy on herself. Made me work for her military organization. And then, when she was done with me, she wiped my memory and made me do my childhood over again.”
Yaz’s hands were trembling on her mug. She set it down. “That's awful.”
“I met her.”
“What, recently?”
“When I got turned into an angel.” When Yaz had spent four years traveling the world, trying to get back to the Doctor. “They took me to her. She was—she was destroying the universe because of me.”
Yaz frowned. “What's the logic there?”
“She thought I was a threat to her organization,” the Doctor said. “I don't—it doesn't make sense. I'm not sure it's supposed to make sense.” They paused. “She was trying to start over. With another universe. Because I had ruined her plans for the first one.”
“That's—” Yaz stopped short. There weren't words to describe what that was.
“It’s not an excuse,” the Doctor said. “For how I treated you, I mean.”
Yaz tilted her head to the side. “Isn’t it? I mean—I spent years trying to figure out what could’ve happened that you were reacting like that. Trying to figure out what—in any universe—could justify the way you were acting.” She shook her head. “This—I mean—it blows all my old theories out of the water.”
“Oh? What theories were those?”
“Thought you might’ve stolen something. Or had something stolen from you. Or else you were just sad that Gallifrey was destroyed. Or maybe there was something with you and the Master I didn’t know about.”
“You weren’t far off, then,” the Doctor said. “Something was stolen from me, and I’ve stolen plenty. And I’ll always be sad about Gallifrey, and the Master.” Suddenly, in the dim light of the kitchen at midnight, Yaz could see every exhausted line in the Doctor’s face, the weariness in their eyes. They were thousands of years old. It was easy to forget, when they looked like any other human, but now it was impossible to overlook—Yaz could feel the full weight of all those years seeping through the Doctor’s expression. “It’s just that there’s more. So much more. And I never would’ve known if the Master hadn’t told me.”
“Doctor,” Yaz breathed. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t you go apologizing to me,” the Doctor said. “Not when I came here to apologize to you.”
Yaz smiled. “It’s not like apology is a limited resource. I think there’s enough to go around.”
“Suppose you’re right.” The Doctor looked at her, their hand absently tracing the rim of their mug. “You seem to be doing all right for yourself?”
“Could be worse.” Yaz shrugged. “Place is nice. I’ve got a good job. Some days I forget my family thinks I’m four years younger than I actually am.” She fiddled with her teabag. “Feels like a dream, sometimes. The time I spent with you. If I didn’t have the others, maybe I’d believe it was one.”
“The others—Ryan and Graham?”
“Them too,” Yaz said. She looked at the Doctor. “Hang on, has no one told you?”
“Told me what?”
“Tegan and Ace started a support group,” Yaz said. “For all your old friends.”
The Doctor’s mouth dropped open. “Hang on. Is Mel involved? Mel Bush?”
Yaz nodded.
“And she didn’t tell me?” They looked so hurt, Yaz had to laugh.
“I think you not knowing about it is sort of the point,” she said.
“Still. I will be having words with Mel.”
“Was wondering why I hadn’t heard from her in a couple weeks. Thought it was just that she was busy with UNIT.”
“Well, in fairness, UNIT was taking up a good deal of her time.”
Yaz hesitated. “Was that—I mean, when the whole world went totally unreasonable, and me and Ryan and Ace were on Sheffield cleanup duty? Ace said UNIT was involved. She kept passing on messages from Kate.”
“You’re not working with them, then?”
Yaz shook her head. “Kate offered. All felt a bit too military for me. There’s a reason I quit the police.” She paused. “But, you know, something comes up, I help where I can. Didn’t love being the only sane EMT in Sheffield, mind.”
“Oh, you're an EMT now?”
“Why did you think I was up so late?” Yaz smiled. “Evening shift. Just passed the training a couple months ago.”
The Doctor smiled back, their eyes bright and warm. “Yasmin Khan,” they said. “Look at you. Still saving lives.”
“Doctor,” Yaz parroted. “Look at you. Slowing down.”
“Oh, don't worry. I'm still traveling. Same as ever. Just taking breaks in between.” They hesitated. “You could join me, one of these days. Quick trip. Can almost guarantee it won't be dangerous.”
Yaz had spent a whole year coming to terms with the fact that she would never travel with the Doctor again. It had taken her months to really, truly, accept that as fact. Getting in the TARDIS again could undo all that progress—but she looked at the Doctor, so different but so very unchanged, and a soft, warm feeling expanded in her chest at the thought of traveling with them again.
“I’d like that,” she said. And then her brain caught up to her mouth, and she added, “Only one trip at a time, and you'll have to get me back to the time and place we left. I've got a job I like now, and I don't fancy losing it ‘cause my alien friend from outer space keeps taking me on adventures.”
The Doctor’s eyes were loaded with affection. “Quite right.”
“Text me beforehand, too,” Yaz added. “None of this materializing out of nowhere business.”
“Your number’s the same?” the Doctor checked.
Yaz nodded.
“All right, then. I’ll text you.” They paused. “I’m getting better at all this scheduling business, you know. Living as a human, and all that. Actually, you should come by my house sometime. Should’ve offered that before the time travel.”
“You have a house?”
“Oi, what’s so surprising about that?” the Doctor asked. “It’s in London. Decent size place, all for me, only I’ve got some friends—family, sort of—who’re always around. The TARDIS is nice, but it’s hardly got a mailing address.”
“Are people sending you letters?” Yaz asked.
“Mostly bills,” the Doctor mumbled. “Y’know. For the house.”
“So, you need a house so you can have a mailing address, and you need the mailing address so you can get bills for the house?” Yaz was holding back laughter, and doing a terrible job of hiding it.
“I didn’t come here to be mocked,” the Doctor protested. “Thrown out, all right, that would’ve been fine. Expected it, really. But—mockery? That’s too far. Anyway, without a house, I wouldn’t have a garden, would I? And without a garden, no one would come round for tea, and I quite like having people come round for tea. I could have you come round for tea! Pick you up in the TARDIS, have you there and back in an afternoon—”
Yaz carefully did not mention the miles and miles of gardens she’d walked through on the TARDIS. “I’d be honored,” she said. “And maybe I can meet these friends of yours?”
The Doctor’s face lit up. “Yes! Brilliant! You’ll like my friends. They’ll love you. Well, you already know Mel, of course, but Donna—she’s sort of a special case. Didn’t remember me—couldn’t—until she could again—and she’s got this daughter, and—oh, you’ll love them. I love them.”
Yaz felt a rush of affection for the Doctor, her Doctor, that overeager alien sitting in her living room, drinking tea and talking a mile a minute, full of enthusiasm, full of love for the universe and everything in it, despite all this universe had taken from them.
“I’m sure I will,” she said. She set down her mug on the table. “You know, it’s good to see you again. Wasn’t sure I would. Wasn’t sure I wanted to.”
“I wasn’t going to come,” the Doctor said. “Not yet, anyway. Except I told Donna about you—about everything—and she said if I didn’t at least try to apologize, she’d slap me across the face.”
“Good friend, that Donna.”
The Doctor beamed. “I know.” They took a deep breath, their smile settling into a more serious expression. “Really, though. Thank you for not slamming the door in my face.”
“Anytime.”
“And—” The Doctor hesitated. “I’ll go in a moment—don’t want to disrupt anything—
“It’s all right—”
“—but I had one more thing I wanted to say to you. If you’ll hear it.” They were fiddling with the teabag again, avoiding Yaz’s eyes in a way that made her a little nervous. She’d already heard the Doctor’s deepest secret—what else could they say?
“Of course I’ll hear it,” she said anyway.
The Doctor nodded. “Right. It’s just that—I seem to be more open, this time round, even without the rest and the therapy. And it occurs to me that there are loads of people I can never see again, never talk to. And most of those people, I never really told them what I wanted to tell them. Particularly, I never really told them how I—what they meant to me.”
Yaz found herself chewing on her lower lip. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Their eyes were glistening. “And it occurs to me, I suppose, that I never told you either, not really, not properly, and—well, I’m lucky you’re still here, aren’t I?”
Yaz waited.
“So—” They swallowed. “In the name of healing, and being open, and all the people I’ve missed the chance to say it to—I just wanted to tell you that I really did love you, Yasmin Khan. Still do.”
Yaz felt tears in her eyes and an ache in her throat before she’d even fully processed what they’d said. She stood, and the Doctor stood too—she took two big steps to reach them and pulled them into a tight hug. Her head rested against their shoulder, and they dropped their forehead forward to rest against her hair. They were taller now, their arms a little longer, their hair prickly with gel for some reason, and it took Yaz a second to adjust to the unfamiliar familiarity of their cool skin and warm breath.
“I think I’ll always love you,” she whispered, as close as she could come to a true confession, and she felt the contradiction of the Doctor’s back and shoulder muscles relaxing while their arms tightened around her. Yaz held on for another moment, partially basking in the peace the Doctor’s touch brought, partially horrified that she could fall back into this so easily, and then she pulled back. “I’ll see you soon? I have Thursday off—”
“Thursday, then,” the Doctor said. “I’ll text you.”
“Right.” Yaz held their eyes for another long moment. Finally, she leaned up and pressed a kiss to the Doctor’s cheek. “I’ll see you Thursday. And you can introduce me to all your friends. And tell Mel we miss her at the support group, yeah?”
“‘Course.” The Doctor gave her a two-fingered salute, at which Yaz rolled her eyes good-naturedly.
“Have a safe trip home,” she deadpanned, sure the TARDIS was parked around the corner or something, waiting to take the Doctor back to their brand new house.
“I will, thanks.” The Doctor grinned. “Did you know, UNIT’s kept my old car from when I was stuck on Earth in the ‘70’s?”
Yaz’s jaw dropped. “You drove here?”
“Told you I was settling down a bit, didn’t I?”
“Then I wish a safe trip to everyone who has the misfortune of sharing the road with you,” Yaz teased.
“Oi, I’m not that bad. Don’t want to risk damage to the car. She’s an antique.”
Yaz waved a hand. “Get out of here before I start making fun of you for calling your car she.”
“Her name’s Bessie,” the Doctor added, but they were already backing away from Yaz, towards the door. “I’ll text you when I get back to London, if that’ll help your peace of mind.”
“Sure,” Yaz said, shaking her head. “I’ll see you Thursday.”
“See you.” The Doctor left, the door swinging shut behind them, and Yaz sank back down into her chair.
She was going to have a lot to tell her therapist this week.
And yet when she woke up, the next morning, to a text from the Doctor—Home safe!—she couldn’t help but smile.
...
END NOTES: you can pry the mavity bit from my cold dead hands.
also i have a couple ideas for more stories after this one, i wanted to have them talk a bit more about the doctor's gender in this one but i realized that's probably a later conversation, and then also i have a picture of yaz and the doctor winding up in a bit of a relationship but explicitly polyamorous and yaz getting a new partner who's just a normal human and slowly figures out that something Weird is going on with their metamour(s).
Fandom: Doctor Who
Ships: Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Characters: Tenth Doctor, Rose Tyler
Rating: Teen
Word Count: 8,311
Other Tags: Fix-It, Journey's End, Reunions, Rose Stays, No Tentoo, Dimension Cannon Audios, Hurt/Comfort, Injury
Read on AO3
It was done. The Earth had been saved, everyone had been returned home, and now the Doctor could finally step away from the console and let his focus go to what had been pulling at it for the last six hours: Rose.
She was back. Not only was she back, but she was here, in his TARDIS, chewing anxiously at her bottom lip, bright eyes flitting from the console to his face and back to the console again. And when she noticed him looking, she looked back, searching him the same way he was searching her. She'd found a new eyeshadow, he noted. And her hair was just a little longer than it had been when he'd seen her last. And—
Did she know how beautiful she was? He'd often wondered. Almost gotten up the courage to ask her, once or twice.
“Doctor?”
The Doctor blinked. He'd been staring, hadn't he? Probably without blinking—he was always doing things like that. He couldn't help it. He'd thought he was never going to see her again. And he'd so desperately wanted to see her again.
“Rose,” he whispered.
There was no telling who moved first. All the Doctor knew was that one second, he was standing there, staring, and the next, Rose was pressed against his chest, squeezing the life out of him, and he was surely doing the same to her. It was just that she felt so real, so warm, and he'd been so cold for so long now.
“I missed you,” he whispered, and the admission simultaneously was too much and far, far too little.
“Yeah?” Rose moved back a little, just enough so that she and the Doctor could look at each other. He swallowed, then nodded.
“Yeah.”
The beginnings of a smile appeared at the edges of Rose’s lips. “I missed you too.”
The Doctor felt his own smile growing. He had missed her, more than anything, and what was worse, he'd forgotten all her little expressions, the way she looked when she was confident or nervous or excited or dejected. But having forgotten meant he had so much to rediscover—like the way even the barest beginnings of a smile on her face made him feel warm all over. It was brilliant. He'd never need a puffy coat again, not if Rose was with him. Not when her mere smile would keep him warm. Was that a cheesy thought? Never mind that. He was rambling, even if only in his head, and it was distracting him from the important thing. Which was Rose. Here. With him.
He felt caught in her gaze—he couldn’t stop looking, couldn’t stop smiling, and none of this was new, not really, but now it was mingled with the relief of seeing her again and the jubilance of universes saved and the pervasive, flat sadness of having dropped off all the people he cared about so they could go about their human lives (and the guilt, on top of that, that he was taking Rose away from her human life, permanently this time, after saying goodbye to her mum on Bad Wolf Bay). He didn’t know how to break away, didn’t know how to move on from this moment—did he even want to move on from this moment?
“You’re sure you still want to stay with me?” he asked.
“You’re sure you still—” She faltered. “You’re sure you still want me?”
“Yes,” the Doctor breathed. “Always. Yes, I want you here.” He wasn’t going to think about the human lifespan, wasn’t going to imagine the patterns wrinkles would eventually etch onto Rose’s skin. The universe (universes) had already given him far, far more than he had ever dreamed of.
“Well, then, you’re not getting rid of me. Not in a million years.” Rose’s smile grew, her tongue poking out from between her teeth.
Back before he’d lost Rose, the Doctor had frequently found himself holding back. Holding back information, but also holding back affection, holding back touch. And, specifically, he must’ve spent a good eighty-five percent of his energy stopping himself from throwing caution to the wind and just kissing her—especially when he was sure she was doing the exact same thing. He had thought, at the time, that it would keep him from becoming too attached. He had thought, at the time, that it would make it easier if (when) he lost her.
He had been horribly, woefully wrong.
And now, as he stood with her once more in his arms (exactly where she belonged), it dawned on him that he’d been given an improbable, impossible second chance, and he would, in fact, be wasting it if he went back to his old ways. Determined, now, not to waste it, he pulled her just a little bit closer, leaned his head forward so their foreheads were pressed together. She gasped, and the Doctor hesitated: there was no point if she wasn’t as enthusiastic as he was. But then her hand made its way up from his hip to the back of his neck, and he felt her breath warm against his mouth, and when their lips finally met, it was impossible to tell which of them had taken that final leap and finally, finally closed the infinitesimal gap between them.
He wished he’d let this happen years ago.
It was, in a word, sublime. Rose’s lips were warm and soft, and her hand had inched up into his hair, and his hands were splayed across her back, and even through her jacket he could feel how warm and strong and alive she was. Now that he was kissing her, he wasn’t sure he was ever going to be able to stop kissing her, which was probably bad news for all of time and space, but he was finding it hard to think about all that. Especially when Rose scraped her teeth against his bottom lip and he found himself, on instinct, letting his mouth open. She tasted sweet—how did she manage to taste sweet, after the day they’d had? Was she hiding breath mints or something in that jacket of hers?
The Doctor would have pursued that train of thought a little further, but then the hand on his waist edged upwards, slipping under his suit jacket, and he had altogether more on his mind. He let his own hands slide down Rose’s back, fingers tangling in her belt loops, pulling her flush against him (as if she hadn’t been close enough already) (but, if you asked him, she hadn’t been). He moved from her hips up to her waist, intent on touching every bit of her while he had the chance, even though he was hoping to have many, many more chances. He let his hands brush along her sides, from her waist to her ribs—
Rose gasped. This was a sharp gasp, coupled with a break in the kiss, and so the Doctor was fairly sure this one was not a good sign. He stilled, and Rose drew away.
“All right?” he asked, trying not to sound too out of breath.
“Yeah.” Rose did sound out of breath. “Yeah, I’m—never better.” She did sound like she meant it, but the Doctor caught another wince as he moved his hands down, away from her ribs to her waist. He frowned.
“Rose, are you hurt?”
“No, it’s—” Rose shook her head. “I sort of got slammed into a wall last week. Still healing.”
“Rose, you should’ve said.”
Rose raised her eyebrows. “What, when we were saving the world, or d’you mean when you were snogging me within an inch of my life?”
The Doctor floundered. “Maybe… in between?”
“Oh, so when we were saying goodbye to all your friends? Or how about when I was crying on the beach about never seeing my mum again?” Rose shrugged. “Honestly, Doctor, I just didn’t think of it. So much has happened in the last week, I sort of forgot.”
“At least tell me you had someone look at it.”
“Sure, one of the Torchwood doctors.”
The Doctor scoffed.
Rose rolled her eyes. “Honestly, Doctor, I’m fine.”
“Can I—” The Doctor gestured at her torso. “Can I take a look at it?”
“What, are you trying to get my shirt off?” She was clearly trying to distract him, and worse, it was working, if only because he continued to be completely mesmerized by her smile.
“No—” And then he thought about it. “Well, technically, yes, but only to see how badly you’re hurt.”
“It’s not that bad!”
“Even if it isn’t!” the Doctor insisted. “Rose, this ship has the best medical technology humanity has to offer. From any time, any place. We’ve got herbs from ancient Rome and radiography from the 45th century. Whatever the Torchwood doctors did, I promise the TARDIS can do better.”
“Oh, all right.” Rose’s hand slipped into the Doctor’s. “Do your worst.”
A few minutes later, Rose was sitting at the edge of the bed in the medical bay. The Doctor gathered a few supplies—painkillers and bandages, mostly—and pulled a stool up next to her.
“Right,” he said. “May I?” He gestured to Rose’s jacket. She flinched away from him, and he jerked his hands back.
“Sorry,” Rose muttered. “Old habits.” She nodded. “Go ahead.”
Slowly, carefully, the Doctor moved his hands towards the zipper of Rose’s blue leather jacket. She sat still, stiff, as he unzipped it.
“This is a nice jacket,” the Doctor noted. The leather was soft, yet sturdy, and of course he was partial to a nice blue.
“Got it before my first jump,” Rose said. “Needed something practical.”
“So you've been wearing it—”
“Two years?” Rose guessed. “Hard to tell. Time isn’t exactly consistent, when you’re jumping between universes.”
The Doctor hummed acknowledgment as he pulled the jacket off Rose’s shoulders and down her arms. Underneath, Rose was wearing a plain pink T-shirt. The Doctor noticed some unfamiliar scarring on her arm, but whatever had caused that had caused it a while ago: the wound had healed into a criss-cross of pale, thin lines.
Rose had caught him looking. “Got scratched up trying to get out of a crashed car. Wasn’t as bad as it looks.”
“I’ll take your word for it.” The Doctor nodded to her torso. “Can I take a look at your ribs?”
“It’s why we’re here, isn’t it?”
The Doctor raised his eyebrows. “That’s not a yes.”
“Fine.” Rose tapped at his calf with her foot. “Go ahead.”
“Right.” He touched the hem of her shirt on her left. “Where are you hurt? Here?”
Rose nodded.
The Doctor began to pull up her shirt, doing everything he could to ignore the feeling of his fingers grazing her soft skin. Yes, he’d thought for a long time, years even, how Rose’s skin might feel against the backs of his fingers, but his fantasies had been predicated on entirely different circumstances. Rose deserved better than to think he was getting anything out of this: she was hurt, and she deserved someone who would help her with no strings attached.
He stopped at the first sign of injury, a bloom of red and blue surrounded by the yellowish tinge of a mostly-healed bruise. It covered her entire side, disappearing beneath the rest of her shirt, and a wave of horror hit the Doctor as he realized how extensive the injury must have been to still look like this a week later.
He glanced up at Rose. She was watching him with a detached sort of curiosity.
“All right?” he asked.
She nodded.
He kept going. The bruising deepened as he got further up her side, hitting its darkest red just below the band of her bra. He was sort of surprised she was managing to wear a bra, considering how much pain she was surely in, but then again, what did he know?
“Rose,” he breathed. “You’ve been going around like this for a week?”
“It’s not that bad,” Rose insisted.
“That might work on your mum,” the Doctor said, “but it’s not going to work on me.”
Rose sighed. “Doesn’t really work on my mum, either.”
“Rose, this is some serious bruising.” His eyes widened in horror. “I hugged you! Rose, why didn’t you say anything?”
“I—” Rose looked away. “I don’t know. Didn’t want to ruin the moment, I suppose.”
The Doctor scoffed. “Are you telling me excruciating rib pain didn’t ruin the moment?”
“I told you! It’s not that bad!”
“I told you! I don’t believe you!”
Rose looked back at him, then down at her bruises. “I don’t know. Didn’t seem to matter, just then.” She raised her gaze until her eyes met his. “Was sort of distracted.”
He suppressed his smile. This was serious business, no matter how happy Rose’s voice made him. “Still,” he said. “As your doctor, I’m prescribing rest.” He peered at the bruises. “And maybe an X-ray.”
“I already had an X-ray,” Rose said. “Nothing’s broken, promise.”
The Doctor sniffed. “I don’t trust those Torchwood doctors.”
“Fine, then. Suppose you’d better do what you like.” Rose raised her eyebrows. “Considering you’re my doctor.”
Heat filled the Doctor’s cheeks at that. He sort of hoped Rose wouldn’t notice, but then again, who was he kidding? Of course she would. Indeed, she already had, if the smirk on her face was anything to go by. Maybe he could cover it up with a babble.
“X-ray!” he exclaimed, jumping up to pull a machine down from the ceiling. It descended on a hinged metal arm as he spoke. “D’you know, X-rays have been around since the 18th century?” He tilted his head. “Well, longer than that, if you count all the other species who discovered them first. But still.” He tapped the machine. “This is state-of-the-art. Takes a picture in a millisecond, loads of safeguards, gorgeous detail, doesn’t get better than this.”
“Has anyone ever told you you’re a bit geeky?” Rose asked.
“Nope,” the Doctor said. “You’d be the first.” He positioned the machine over Rose’s ribs. “All right, smile for the camera.”
“How’s that supposed to help?”
The Doctor shrugged. “Morale boost?”
Rose rolled her eyes. “D’you need me to lie down or anything?”
“Nope, should be good.” The Doctor grinned from behind the machine. “Very advanced technology.” He hit a button, and the picture began to print. “Brilliant.”
“What, you don’t need to leave the room?”
“Nah. Time Lord. Biological superiority.” She scoffed, which he cheerfully ignored as he plucked the picture from the machine and waved it like it was a Polaroid—technically completely unnecessary, considering the image was already crisp and clear, but half the fun was in the showmanship. “All right, let’s take a look.”
He hopped onto the bed next to Rose, picture in hand. She leaned in to look as he traced the image with his finger.
“Oh, all right,” he said, with a dramatic sigh for good measure. “Those Torchwood doctors were good for something after all.”
“No breaks?” Rose asked.
“No breaks. Which means—” the Doctor jumped up— “We’ve just got to get you something to accellerate healing, maybe some painkillers—” he grabbed a couple bottles— “And lots and lots of rest.” He whirled around to face Rose. “Sound good?”
“Yeah, all right.” Rose nodded. “Yeah. Sounds good.”
“So now,” the Doctor said, “as your doctor, I have to ask—when’s the last time you slept?”
“Oh, God.” Rose buried her face in her hands. “Don’t even ask.”
“Understood.” The Doctor stuck his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. “How about food? You hungry?”
“Oh, God, starving,” Rose breathed.
“How about chips?” the Doctor asked.
A slow smile emerged on Rose’s face. “I could go for chips.”
“Brilliant. Chips it is.” The Doctor held out his hand. Rose took it without a moment’s hesitation, and he pulled her to her feet. Her shoulder bumped against his arm, and something about that small gesture brought him a peace he hadn’t felt in a long time.
They stepped out the TARDIS door together a few minutes later, just across the street from the chippy. They'd landed in the middle of London, a few days after everything; a few of the shops were still a bit banged up, but for the most part, people had gone back to business as usual.
“Impressive resilience, the human race has,” the Doctor noted.
“Amnesia, more like,” Rose said. She leaned her head against the Doctor’s shoulder. “Nice to see it all still here, though.”
He squeezed her hand. “We did it again.”
“We did, didn't we?” The smile in Rose’s voice was audible. “Sort of can't believe it.”
“Believe it or not, won't make it any less true.” They’d reached the chippy, and the Doctor pulled the door open for Rose. “After you.”
“Still a gentleman, then,” she teased.
The shop was busy, but not so busy they couldn’t slide into a booth in the back. For half a second, it felt like nothing had changed: here were the Doctor and Rose, sitting across from each other, stealing chips from each other’s baskets just like always. But it was different—the Doctor was different, and Rose was different. She carried herself differently, and not just because of her injury. In fact, it seemed like she was carrying herself differently despite her injury: it was hard to quantify, but there was a new fluidity to her movements, a new confidence in her posture. There was something guarded about her, too, now they were out and about. She’d put the jacket back on and zipped it all the way up, and she looked up every time the door opened, even though it was invariably just another family or couple or group of raucous-but-harmless teenagers.
The Doctor tapped his foot against her ankle under the table. She startled.
“All right?” he asked.
“Tired, is all.” Rose plucked a chip out of her basket. “And… it’s a bit weird, not having a universe-ending threat to worry about.”
“Lots of those, where you’ve been?”
Rose took a deep breath—although, the Doctor noticed, she stopped just short of filling her ribcage. “It took me two years to find you,” she said. “The dimension cannon, it didn’t exactly come ready-made with coordinates, or anything. At first, I was just jumping into random universes, looking for my—anything familiar—trying to figure out how close they were to yours.” She stared down at the chip in her hands. “The thing the Daleks did—the reality bomb—it was already hitting. Stars going out.” There was a pause. “So, yeah. Lots of universe-ending threats. We were lucky, today.”
The Doctor reached to cover Rose’s free hand with his own. “Rose, I'm so sorry.”
Rose shook her head. “I'm the one who couldn't stay put.”
“Do you think I didn't try?” the Doctor asked. “Rose, I burned up more than just the one sun looking for a gap. If I’d thought there was any chance—” He cut off. “I probably gave up just before it would've started working.”
“Might've taken longer,” Rose said. “From this side.” She shrugged. “My universe, we were just getting the fallout. This one was at the center. The theory at Torchwood was that all the universes I visited were just getting ripples from whatever was going on here.” She smiled. “‘Course, we were only assuming it was here. Would've been really unfortunate if I’d finally found you and the problem was somewhere else.”
“Nah, we would've figured it out.” The Doctor tapped his foot against hers. “Your dimension cannon with my TARDIS? Unstoppable.”
“The cannon’s hardly as good as a TARDIS. Can't even travel in time.”
“Nah, I’d guess it's loads better for interdimensional travel. TARDIS isn't really made for that.” He winked. “Even if I make it look easy.”
Rose scoffed. “As if you make anything look easy in that contraption of yours.”
“Oi! I said earlier! It's meant to have six pilots!” The Doctor leaned back and crossed his arms. “You'll have to admit, I'm doing pretty well for trying to do a six-person job on my own.”
Rose grinned. “Oh, all right. Maybe you're not such a bad driver.”
“Thank you.” The Doctor plucked a chip from his basket and took an emphatic bite. He swallowed, then added, “I’d like to look at that cannon, by the way. For curiosity’s sake, and all that.”
“The main bit’s still in the other universe,” Rose said. “I just have the travel disc, and it won't do anything now the walls are up again. But you can look at it if you like.” She pulled the little silver-and-yellow button out of her pocket and held it up for a moment. Her eyes stayed on it as she held it out to the Doctor. The Doctor accepted it, his fingers brushing against hers for a second, then another, before he pulled away.
“It's impressive work,” he said, turning it over in his hands. It was a simple device, a yellow disc set into a silver frame, but of course he knew how much work had to have gone into it. “I imagine Torchwood had the technology?”
Rose nodded. “We adjusted it a little. I mean, at first we were trying to make it work with the universes closed off—but we were also trying to make it punch a smaller hole. Didn't want to cause any problems or anything.” She paused. “The navigation system is all new, too. The original design was sort of hitching a ride from the Cybermen. Only went from that universe to this one. We spent months trying to figure out how to navigate between universes.”
“How'd you manage it?” the Doctor asked.
“There’s always someone back at Torchwood controlling the thing.” Rose pulled something out of her pocket and dropped it on the table—it was her old phone, the Doctor realized, the one he'd done his “jiggery pokery” on way back when he and Rose had only just met. “Rigged this thing up to work as a communicator. So they can—could—keep in touch with me. The cannon records all the different patterns of whatever universe I’m in—timelines, geography, background radiation—and we compare it to all the other data from all the other universes. And then we can pick which patterns to look for in the next go round.” She tucked the phone back in her pocket. “It all gets pretty boring, after a while.”
The Doctor stared at her.
“What?”
“Nothing, just—” He shook his head. “Do you know how completely impossible this is? You not only managed to cross between universes—”
“That bit wasn’t me—”
“—you also figured out how to navigate between them, and how to find this specific universe—”
“Had loads of people working on that—”
“—and then you spent years traveling between universes until you found the one you were looking for.”
“Had company for that too.”
“Rose Tyler,” the Doctor said, “don't you dare tell me you didn't do anything special. You were absolutely brilliant, and you won't convince me otherwise.”
Rose looked down at the table. A small smile was slowly emerging on her face, despite her teeth pulling at her bottom lip. She looked up through her eyelashes at the Doctor. “All right, then. Call me brilliant, if you like.”
The Doctor held her gaze. “You, Rose Tyler, are brilliant.”
Rose’s smile grew.
The Doctor scanned the table. He'd only picked at his chips, but Rose had practically inhaled hers—he'd count that a success.
“What do you say we get out of here?” He tapped Rose’s foot with his own again. “Get some sleep?”
On cue, Rose yawned. “Yeah. Sleep might be nice.”
The Doctor stood. He stacked both their baskets in one hand and held out his other to Rose. Her hand was in his immediately, and he pulled her to her feet. Together, they moved to return the baskets, then stepped back out onto the street. The cool evening air brushed against the Doctor’s face, and he found himself smiling down at Rose, who was, in turn, smiling up at him. He almost got lost in it again, but then he remembered they did, technically, need to get back to the TARDIS, and if they were looking at each other no one was going to be making sure they were going in the right direction and not about to trip on anything. So he forced himself to look away so they could have at least some hope of crossing the street safely.
Really, though, it was probably the least danger they'd been in all day.
And thankfully, that held true: in the thirty seconds it took them to cross the street, they weren’t hit by any cars, no wayward bicyclists; not even a stray alien crisis crossed their paths. The Doctor pushed open the TARDIS door and held it there, saying, “After you,” with a dramatic flourish of his free hand.
Rose rolled her eyes at him, but she was smiling, and—at the risk of sounding cheesy—he sort of felt like anything was worth it if he got to see her smile.
There was something special, about that step across the threshold, from a public street to the privacy of the console room. Everything felt quiet now, maybe even too quiet, despite the thrum of the TARDIS all around them. The Doctor looked at Rose, and Rose looked back, neither one speaking.
Finally, Rose broke the silence.
“Doctor,” she said, her voice soft. “I—” She broke off.
The Doctor tilted his head to the side. “What?”
Rose shook her head. “I don't even know. Think I just need a nap.”
“I’d wager you need a lot more than just a nap,” the Doctor said. “I won't hold it against you if the actual event could be better described as a hibernation.”
“Well, that's a relief.” Rose giggled. “Imagine, I come all this way only for you to drop me the first chance you get ‘cause I said I was going for a nap and didn’t get up for hours!”
“Nah,” the Doctor said. “I wouldn't drop you. Might get out the foghorn, mind, but—”
“Don't you dare.”
“Oh, all right.” The Doctor smiled. “No foghorn.” He hesitated. “Actually, speaking of, your bedroom should still be there. Just how you left it.”
Rose wrinkled her nose. “I shudder to think.”
“Oh, I mean—” The Doctor looked past her, his eyes focusing on one of the coral pillars holding up the ceiling. “I might've… cleaned up a bit. Just in case. But the room is still there. Still yours.”
“Thanks.” Rose stepped away as if she was going to go, but then she stopped, teetering for a long moment. “I—” She swallowed. “I don't know if I want to be alone.”
The Doctor found himself stammering. Not that he didn't want to help—but he didn't want to overstep, didn't want to overwhelm. “Oh, I mean—I could—you—” He forced himself to stop and take a breath. “I could come with you. If you like.”
“Is that—all right?”
The Doctor almost laughed. “Rose. After everything—I count myself lucky if you don't want to leave my sight.”
“Oh.” She took the step back towards him. Timidly, she held out her hand, and he took it. He expected her to lead him to the corridor, but instead she stood there for another moment, searching his face. He was about to open his mouth to say something—he wasn't sure what—but then she raised herself on tiptoe and pressed her lips against his.
This kiss was different from the one they'd shared earlier: slower, more deliberate. It took the Doctor a moment to process, and by the time he remembered to kiss back, Rose was already pulling away, and he wound up chasing after her for a moment. It was strange, suddenly living in a world where Rose Tyler was not only there with him but also kissing him—but it was the best sort of strange. Like the apple grass on New Earth: a lovely meadow, and then an unexpected apple-flavored snack.
“Right,” Rose said. She was still holding the Doctor’s hand, and now she swung it, back and forth between them. “Sleep.”
The Doctor gestured with his free hand. “Lead the way.”
Rose’s room wasn't too deep into the TARDIS—down a corridor and to the right. She’d always liked being right by the kitchen, convenient for a midnight snack or quick breakfast, and she never would've put up with a longer walk to the console room. When she'd been gone, the TARDIS had tucked her room deeper in its recesses, but the Doctor had no doubt it would be back in its place now.
And he was right: Rose found the room easily. The door slid open for her, and she stepped across the threshold, the Doctor in tow.
She stopped short just inside. The Doctor watched as she took in the room: it was exactly the same as the one she'd left, with the pink bedspread, vanity covered in makeup, pictures of her mum and her friends and the Doctor plastered everywhere. Something about it was incongruous with Rose now—the Rose who stood next to him was older, a little neater, more guarded.
There were tears running down Rose’s face. Without a second thought, the Doctor tugged at her hand until she collapsed into his arms, her quiet tears escalating into full-blown sobs as he held her. If he hadn't had such a strong time sense, he might've said he didn't know how long he held her, how long she cried, but in actuality he was well aware that it had been six minutes and forty-three seconds when Rose pulled back, tear tracks etched onto her cheeks, and said, “It's only just started to feel real.”
“Which part?” the Doctor asked.
“I don't know. All of it?” Rose rested her head against his chest. “I wanted to be back here for so long. I think I sort of got so used to looking, I didn't really think I’d ever be able to stop.” She took a deep, shuddering breath. “But I did it, didn't I? I can stop now.”
“Oh, Rose.” The Doctor traced gentle circles on her back, careful to steer extremely clear of her injured ribs. “You've been so brilliant.” He rested his cheek against her hair. “And it's time you had a rest.”
Rose sighed as she stepped away. “Might go for a shower first. I feel a bit greasy.”
“Bathroom’s all set,” the Doctor said.
“You'll still be here when I'm out?” Rose checked.
“Might go wash up myself, actually,” the Doctor said. “But I'll come right back here after, promise.”
“You'd better.” Rose stepped forward to wrap her arms around his waist one more time. When she stepped away again, it was in the direction of her vanity. “The real question is, where did I used to keep my makeup wipes?”
“Now, that I can’t help you with.”
“They’ll be around here somewhere. Probably long past expired—”
The Doctor shook his head. “Not on the TARDIS. The rooms you’re not using tend to get a bit frozen, timewise.”
Rose smiled. “Never mind, then.” She reached up to take off one earring, then the other, hanging both on her old jewelry holder, the one she’d brought from her flat after losing one too many earrings to the recesses of her makeup drawer. The Doctor had watched her take off her earrings in that same mirror countless times, usually waiting impatiently for her to be done so they could go play a game or watch a show together. She still shook her head in the exact same way to get her hair to settle back over her ears—still pressed her lips together while she searched for something in the drawers—still flashed him a grin as she held up her prize.
“Found ‘em. See you in a few.”
The Doctor grinned back. Rose disappeared into the bathroom, and he stepped back out into the corridor. His own room—with the associated washing-up facilities—tended to move around, but he had a hunch he wouldn’t have to look too hard to find it. Indeed, it was only a couple doors past Rose’s.
He didn’t take long. Just long enough to scrub himself, and a few extra minutes to be sure he’d gotten all the dust out of his hair—fighting Daleks was dirty work, it turned out. He pulled on a random pair of flannel pajama bottoms (which regeneration had bought them? He didn’t remember. They weren’t quite his style) and a navy blue T-shirt and stepped back into the corridor.
Rose’s room was still empty when he returned, although he could hear the shower running through the bathroom door. He sat down on the bed to wait. He had to keep reminding himself that it was really her, that Rose was on the other side of that door. He’d spent more time than he liked to admit in this room on his own, organizing her clothes and her magazines and her souvenirs as if that would do anything to bring her back. But she had come back on her own, a reminder of his complete failure, but also a reminder that she was so incredibly determined, so persistent, so completely herself. She had never needed him; he was just lucky she kept coming back anyway.
The water turned off, and the Doctor shifted towards the bathroom door. It was a couple more minutes before the door opened and a slightly damp Rose stepped out. Her makeup was gone, and her hair had gone a little wavy from the water. She was wearing a plain white vest top over lavender shorts—her ordinary sleepwear. A shy smile appeared on her face when she saw him.
“Those are new,” she said, nodding to his trousers.
He glanced down at his flannel-clad legs. “Old, more like. Don't even remember which regeneration they were for. I'm lucky they fit.”
“So you're telling me those trousers could be hundreds of years old?”
“Suppose they could, yeah.” He tapped the empty space next to him on the bed. “C'mon, sit.”
Rose lowered herself onto the bed next to him. Hastily, he stacked a couple pillows behind her so she could lean back against the headboard without hurting herself—she wavered, looking speculatively at him, until he tugged at her arm in a bid for her to come closer. She moved to sit against the pillows, and when he extended his arm to wrap around her shoulders, she practically fell into his side. Deep in his soul, something small seemed to click into place, something he hadn't even quite realized was out of place. There was just such a comfort in having Rose’s body nestled next to his. Her hair was putting a damp spot in his shirt, and he didn't even mind. He looked down at her and couldn’t help but smile.
“How’s your side?” he asked.
“Still fine.” Her eye roll was audible, but then, so was her smile.
“Oi, it's not unreasonable to be worried,” the Doctor said. “A bruised rib can be serious!”
“But mine isn't,” Rose insisted. She looked up at him. “You checked it out, didn't you? And now I'm resting, just like you said.”
“Oh, all right.” The Doctor raised his eyebrows. “But I think I'm allowed to be worried, considering you seem to have spent the last two years being battered by cars and walls from across the multiverse.”
“Oi, you can talk. Blow up any buildings lately?”
“Depends. Would you say a Dalek spaceship counts as a building?”
Rose gave him a look. He sighed.
“Fine, point taken.”
Her responding smile was all but irresistible. And, the Doctor remembered, there was no real reason to resist. He lifted his free hand to trace her cheekbone with his thumb, pushing a bit of hair back and off her face. Her smile softened, and he ducked his head so he could kiss her. She kissed him back, gentler then he'd ever dared hope for.
When she pulled away, it was with a furrowed brow. “How comes you're doing this now?”
The Doctor matched her frown. “Doing what?”
“You know.” Rose waved a hand. “The kissing, and all that.”
“Oh.” The Doctor swallowed, mostly in an attempt to buy himself the time to formulate an answer. Finally, he took a stab at honesty, staring out at the pictures on Rose’s wall as he spoke. “I was so scared of losing you, before. I thought it might hurt less, if we were… less involved.” He looked down at Rose. “But when I did lose you, every single day I regretted not making the most of what we had while we had it. It was cowardly, and I'm sorry.”
“So—” Rose pushed herself further upright, angling herself to look him right in the eyes. “You want to be with me?”
“Rose Tyler.” The Doctor’s mouth was dry. Once he said the next bit, he couldn't ever go back. Although—who was he kidding? He'd hit the point of return a long time ago, with Rose. “Of course I want to be with you. I—” His voice broke.
“What?”
He steeled himself. “I love you.”
Rose held his gaze. “Really?”
The Doctor nodded. “Extremely. Definitively. Very—”
And then she was kissing him. He was startled, at first, by the force of it, by her hand in his hair and her tongue running across his lower lip, but then she'd been waiting years for this, and so had he, and it was long past time they did something about it. It was a bit of an awkward angle—she was still sort of sitting next to him, and he had to twist his torso if he wanted to kiss her properly, and with her injuries she couldn’t quite do the same—but there was nothing that could ruin this moment for him. He kept having to remind himself that it was real, Rose was real, not a hologram this time, she was tangible and here and he could tell because he was kissing her. It was overwhelming in the best possible way.
Rose pulled away. She was breathing heavily, and fear spiked through the Doctor—had he hurt her?
“All right?” he checked.
“Yeah, fine.” She flushed. “Better than fine. Just processing, is all.” Her bottom lip caught itself between her teeth. “Haven't exactly done this in a while.”
“What, dimension travel isn't full of people throwing themselves at you?”
“Not exactly.” Rose grimaced. “And the one time I flirted with somebody, he turned out to be a parallel version of me.”
The Doctor guffawed. “What, really?”
“And he was gay!” She swatted at the still-laughing Doctor. “Oi, it's not funny!”
“You're telling me that, of all the men in all the universes, the one you flirted with was your gay clone?”
Rose rolled her eyes. “He's not a clone.”
“Fine. Your gay doppelgänger?”
“Well, when you put it that way—”
“See? Funny!”
“You know what? You can have this one.” Rose let her cheek rest on the Doctor’s shoulder. “My point is, I haven’t been doing a lot of kissing, these last few years. Got to readjust.”
“Well, I’m happy to help any way I can.”
Rose swatted at him again. He grinned.
“Say, how many different versions of yourself did you meet, anyway? Lots of Rose Tylers running around out there?”
“Not unless you count the cats and dogs,” Rose said. “Only two humans. Rob and Rosie.” She glanced up at the Doctor. “Rob and me snuck into Downing Street together. Rosie ran a cafe, and my mum walked in and Rosie tried to kick her out. And I wound up babysitting.”
“What, like, she had a baby?”
Rose nodded. “And his name was Jimmy. After Jimmy Stone!”
“Jimmy Stone, your ex?” the Doctor asked. Rose had never explained all the details of the whole Jimmy Stone saga to him, but the Doctor got the impression he hadn’t been all that great of a boyfriend.
“That’s the one.” Rose wrinkled her nose. “She seemed all right, though. Was doing well with the cafe. Jimmy, Senior was dead, but she had good friends, nice neighbors. ‘Course, I don’t know how many of them survived.”
“Survived?”
Rose glanced at the Doctor. “Stars going out, remember? In all these universes.” She picked at a loose thread on her shorts. “With Rosie’s, there was this planet, must’ve been flung from a dead solar system, and it was heading right for Earth. Was going to stop it rotating. Barely any warning or anything. And the dimension cannon was malfunctioning, too. I almost didn’t get out in time. And then it didn’t bring me back to Torchwood, it launched me into another universe with a whole other crisis.” She glanced at the Doctor. “Had a parallel half-sibling in that one. Danni. We traveled together for a while.”
A dim sense of horror had settled over the Doctor. Rose had said the stars were going out, but he hadn’t really thought about it, hadn’t considered the physics of it. Stars—the Earth’s sun was a star, and so were all the other suns, and there were loads of stars that didn’t have planets but still pulled on the stars around it in all sorts of ways… he always said he was from the constellation Kasterborous, a constellation of seventeen suns, but he’d somehow never thought about the impact of even one of those suns disappearing. No star lasted forever, of course. And neither did any planet, nor any other piece of space. He and Rose had watched the sun expand swallow the Earth. But stars going out unexpectedly, all at once—that could be disastrous. Was disastrous, from the sound of it.
And Rose had been there. From universe to universe, she had seen the effects. The Doctor had seen all sorts of things, watched plenty of worlds end, seen entire species wiped out—he’d seen timelines unraveled, people’s births and deaths undone; indeed, he’d been the cause of plenty of it himself. But that had all been within this universe. He’d never seen universe after universe on the brink of collapse, never tried to save the same planet more than once. The stars going out… Rose loved the stars. The Doctor reached for her hand and interlaced their fingers, the same way he had earlier in the Dalek ship, the same way he had back in that shop elevator. Even all the way back in that shop, when Rose had been a stranger, when he’d been cold and angry and hurt, their hands had fit together.
“Rose,” he said, his voice low. “I’m sorry.”
Rose frowned. “What for?”
“You’ve gone through so much,” the Doctor said. “All those universes… all those stars. I’m sorry you had to do that.”
“It’s not like I could’ve done anything else.” Rose’s thumb rubbed absently at the back of his hand. “Even if I hadn’t been trying to get back to you. All those lives… someone had to help them. I knew if I could find you, you would.” She paused. “Anyway, it wasn’t all bad. In one of the universes I got to help the people on Earth make contact with an alien species. These aliens were taking all the salt out of the oceans, and no one on Earth could figure out what was going on. But it turned out they were just trying to survive, same as we were.”
The Doctor grinned. He was sure it was an extremely silly grin, but he couldn’t help it. “Have I told you how brilliant you are?”
“Might’ve said something to that effect, yeah.” Rose bumped her shoulder against his. “Anyway, you still haven’t said what you were up to. Made lots of new friends, did you?”
“Not so many,” the Doctor said. “Just the two, really. Martha and Donna. Donna showed up in the console room just after we said goodbye.”
“She—what?”
“She was being dosed with huon particles, turns out,” the Doctor explained. “The TARDIS, it runs on these particles—the details aren’t important. But it’s sort of like a magnet. She had the particles in her, and the TARDIS has the particles, and there she was in the TARDIS.” He shook his head. “I wasn’t exactly good company at the time. Asked if she wanted to come with me, she said no, invited me to dinner, I said yes, I went off and didn’t come back.”
“But you found her again?”
The Doctor nodded. “Much later. She’d been looking for me. Well, you met her, you know some of the story.”
“Not so much,” Rose said. “She didn’t know most of it, in that other universe.”
“Nice job not telling her your name, by the way,” the Doctor added. “Added loads of suspense to that whole conversation.”
“Well, it’s no fun if the answer comes easy, is it?” Rose smirked. “Anyway, you clearly got there in the end.” She nudged him again. “What about Martha?”
“Oh, Martha, she’s brilliant too. Met her in hospital, she was a med student, I was investigating—”
“So, what, you checked in as a patient just to see how people would react to your extra heart?”
Now the Doctor was smirking. “We all need a bit of a thrill now and then, don’t we?”
“Oh, shut up.”
“We had a good few adventures together,” the Doctor said. “She left on her own, in the end. Went through a pretty awful year—and, well.” He wrinkled his nose. “She fancied me.”
Rose laughed. “Oh, and I bet you were awful to her.”
“I wasn’t awful!”
“If you say so.”
“I wasn’t!”
Rose shook her head. “I know better than anyone what it’s like when you show up in that box of yours and ask someone on an adventure.”
“It was completely platonic!” the Doctor protested. “She knew that! I told her that!”
“Loads of people say things are platonic when they’re flirting,” Rose pointed out. “I used to say all the time that we weren’t together. Doesn’t mean I wasn’t head over heels.”
“That was because your mum kept thinking I was some sort of predator,” the Doctor reminded her.
“All right, but still.” Rose gave him a look. “How soon was this after you lost me?”
“Not—not too long.”
“Oh, so you were moping the whole time?”
The Doctor scoffed. “I didn’t mope. I’ve never moped.”
“You do,” Rose said. “Remember when I ate the last one of those little pastries you got from that little bakery in Oktoflan? You moped for a week. Even after we went and got more.”
“They weren’t as good the second time round.”
“You just think that because you’d gotten tired of them.”
“What does any of this have to do with Martha?”
“Oh, come on, Doctor,” Rose said. “You were moping. You met Martha. You asked her to come with you. You give her those sad puppy eyes—I’ve seen ‘em! You show her all of time and space—of course she fancied you! Who wouldn’t?”
The Doctor sputtered. “Donna didn’t!”
Rose placed an affectionate kiss on his cheek. “You’re completely oblivious, you are.”
“Oi, I figured out you fancied me, didn’t I?”
“And how long did that take you?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” the Doctor said. “I was worried it was wishful thinking, at first.” He frowned. “Hang on. How long did you fancy me?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Rose parroted. “There was something about you grabbing my hand and telling me you could feel the earth turning?”
“What, that long? Never mind, then, I suppose I must be oblivious.”
Rose grinned. “It’s good to be back,” she said. “Been a while since I had anyone to make a mockery of, too. Unless you count Danni, I suppose, but that was different.”
“Suppose that’s all I’m good for, then. A bit of humor at my expense.”
“Yep, that’s it.” But the way Rose was curling into his side said otherwise. “You’re just here to be funny.”
“You know what? I’ll take it.” The Doctor looked down at her. There was something vulnerable about her, now she was out of her dimension-hopping clothes, now she was no longer trying to project confidence into her every action and word. She was brilliant at it, brilliant at all that talking and running and world-saving, and he loved her all the more for it. But now she’d let her guard down, and there was something gorgeous about it, her tired eyes and soft smile as she peered up at him. Carefully, he kissed her forehead. “Say, weren’t you going to get some sleep now?”
“Oh, who needs sleep?” But even as she said it, Rose yawned massively.
The Doctor laughed. “Come on. .D’you want the light off?”
Rose shook her head. “That’s all right. Not a big fan of darkness, right about now.”
Another mark of her time away, then. “All right, then.” The Doctor lifted the covers over both their legs. He laid on his back, and Rose settled on her good side with her head on his chest, one arm around his waist.
“You’ll still be here?” she asked. “When I wake up?”
“Only if you are,” the Doctor replied.
“Good enough for me.” Rose shifted to lie more securely in his arms. “Night, Doctor.”
“Good night, Rose Tyler.” He let his hand run through her hair, drawing slow patterns on her scalp. It wasn’t long before her breaths evened out, and it wasn’t long after that that he, too, drifted off, perfectly content.
NOTES: sorry to make you all wait so long for this… but behold! epilogue!
this is by far the longest fic i've ever finished, so thank you to everyone who's read this far <3 it's been really fun to see people's responses every week, and i hope you like this as an attempt to tie it all up.
i have a bunch of other ideas in the works, too, although some of them are pretty far off from this! but keep an eye out if you want to see the roseyazclara disaster throuple fic OR the tenrose figure skating au <3
UPDATE: I (30F) might be in love with my roommate (29F). What am I supposed to do? - u/throwRAjustgoodfriends
Okay, I’m mostly here because everyone else involved thought it would be funny to see the responses. If you don’t remember my last post, basically I thought I was straight but had just realized I had a thing for my best friend (“Lily”).
First of all, there’s not much point in the pseudonym, considering the “friend” whose place we were staying at (hi, Penny) found the post and figured out who I was talking about right away. So I’ll just call her Rose, considering that’s her name.
Second of all, thanks to whoever crossposted to Instagram, because Rose doesn’t use Reddit. But she saw it on Instagram, and long story short, everyone was right. She was totally into me, had been for years, and I can’t believe I didn’t see it sooner. (Rose and Penny both want to “enter into the record” that *they* can believe it.) Not much about our relationship has changed, to be honest, but it feels really great to finally understand how I feel. And the extra cuddling isn’t half bad, either.
That’s not where it ends, either. Somehow I’ve gone from someone who couldn’t admit I was into women to someone who has two girlfriends? We’d been spending a lot of time with Penny (she owns the shop across the street, and she was going through a rough time), and I suppose you might say one thing led to another.
All of this is to say that everything in my life has gotten much better in the last six months. I didn’t really realize this was possible when I posted. Thank you to everyone who commented on the first post, but especially Penny, of course. And if you’re ever in London, check out Bad Wolf Body Shop (and TARDIS Bakery)!
Yaz leaned back, lifting her hands from the keyboard. “Good?” she asked.
Rose and Penny leaned in on either side of her, scanning the words on the screen. Rose nodded, but Penny gave her a sidelong look. “Where’s the bit about how incredibly sexy your newest girlfriend is?”
Yaz rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I’m posting.”
“No, wait!”
But it was too late: Yaz had hit the post button. She wrapped an arm around Penny’s shoulders until Penny fell across her lap, displacing the laptop—fortunately, Rose had the presence of mind to move it to the coffee table before leaning her head on Yaz’s shoulder with a contented sigh. Yaz smiled.
“Time for bed?” she asked.
They were still all piling into Rose’s bed most nights, even though the necessity was no longer there—Ace had gone and filled one of the rooms in Bill’s flat after one of Bill’s roommates broke their lease. She still came over most afternoons, of course, but she slept somewhere else, and theoretically Yaz could’ve slept in her bed again. In practice, though, she’d gotten used to sharing a too-small bed with Rose and Penny, and then Rose had caved and found them a bigger bed. So tonight, they sprawled out, one of Yaz’s arms flung across Penny, brushing against Rose’s side, and one of Penny’s legs slung over Yaz’s hip. Yaz pulled the blanket up to her chin, reveling in the knowledge that not only was she sitting in such coziness, but she was used to it. She borderline took it for granted.
She fell asleep quickly, and woke up slowly. She blinked open her eyes and turned her head to see the summer sun, shining through the curtains, turning Rose’s hair gold. Penny was gone already: she’d gone back to her full time hours a couple months ago, and on days she worked she was out of bed first. Sometimes Yaz would wake up to her alarm, and she’d give Penny a bleary kiss before rolling over and falling back asleep; today, though, she’d missed it.
She checked the time on her phone. There were five minutes before her own alarm went off. That was the best sort of morning. It meant Yaz could roll over, cuddle up next to Rose, and shut her eyes again for just a little longer.
Her alarm went off, and Yaz sat up. She poked at Rose and laughed when Rose batted her away.
“Get up so we can get coffee,” she said.
Rose groaned, but she pushed herself up on her elbows. “Fine.”
Ace was behind the counter when they came in. Her jacket had a new patch, Yaz noticed, a cartoonish “BOOM!” design.
“D’you like it?” Ace asked, looking down at the patch. “Bill gave it to me. Said she had an extra.” She turned her grin on Yaz and Rose. “Penny’s in the back.”
“I’m where?” Penny had appeared in the doorway, balancing a tray of muffins on the hand not holding her cane. When she saw Yaz and Rose, her confused expression turned to a wild grin. “Oh! You’re here! D’you want a muffin?”
“Pretty sure you’re supposed to sell those,” Yaz pointed out.
Penny rolled her eyes. “Fine. D’you want to buy a muffin?”
“Dunno,” Rose said. “What’s in ‘em?”
“Chocolate, mostly,” Penny said. “Bit of cinnamon, for the kick. Ace mixed the batter.”
“Yeah, all right,” Rose decided.
Penny grinned. She slid the tray into the display case before using tongs to pluck a muffin off it. Before she could drop it into a bag, she looked up at Yaz. “Yaz? One for you?”
“Okay.”
Penny put two muffins into the bag and slid it across the counter, and then she came around the counter herself to plant a kiss on each of their cheeks.
“Good service around here,” Yaz noted, barely suppressing her grin.
“Only the best,” Penny promised. “See you later?”
Yaz and Rose both nodded. And Penny made good on the promise: that afternoon, Yaz finished a tattoo and walked out into the waiting room with her client to see Penny sprawled across three seats, trying to convince Amy that brightly colored feathers were going to be the new fashion trend.
“Maybe for you,” Yaz said, tapping at Penny’s legs until she swung them to the floor, leaving room for Yaz to sit down. “I think I’ll be keeping my wardrobe feather-free.”
Rose’s head popped into the room. “Oh, are we having a party?”
“You’ve got a client in fifteen minutes,” Amy told her.
“That’s loads of time,” Rose replied. She sat herself down on Yaz’s lap, just like she always had—only now she was in the habit of slinging her arm around Penny’s shoulders, too, which always made Yaz feel like she had fit herself snugly into a three-person puzzle. It was strange: Yaz’s life had only been like this for six months, but somehow it felt like the only way it had ever been, the only way it could be. Here, in her shop, with the people she loved.
She let her head rest on Penny’s shoulder, let her arm tighten around Rose’s waist, and felt a smile sneak onto her face. If she was lucky, she thought, she would have this forever.
NOTES: didn't post yesterday because i was traveling. wrote the last bit of this on the train, so if it doesn't make any sense we can blame amtrak. but i hope i've done the ending justice! will hopefully be writing/posting an epilogue for next week :)
They were still there the next morning, all three curled together in Penny’s bed. It took Yaz a couple seconds to process the light in the room, dimmer than in Rose’s, and a couple more to remember why, exactly, she was in a different place. The previous day had been dedicated entirely to rest and recovery after the confrontation in the bakery, with both Ace and Donna showing up with plenty of baked goods in the afternoon, and then Yaz and Rose had figured the best way to fulfill their promise was to stay with Penny overnight. Penny had offered the living room sofa to Ace, too, so she wouldn’t have to spend the night alone—Yaz suspected, too, that Penny was looking for whatever community, whatever semblance of family, she could find.
It was nice, Yaz thought now, as she stretched out as much as she could without disturbing Penny’s head on her chest—it was nice to be so under the same roof as so many people she cared about. She hadn’t expected it, when she and Rose had opened their shop. But it was nice.
Penny stirred, and on instinct Yaz lifted a hand to smooth down her hair. Penny mumbled something and rolled over, sprawling across a snoring Rose. With a quiet laugh, Yaz decided maybe that was her cue to get up: she extricated herself with great care and padded barefoot into the kitchen. Ace was already gone, the fold-out couch folded right back up with sheets and pillows neatly stacked next to it, but Donna was sitting at the table, holding a mug in both hands.
“Good morning,” she said when Yaz came in. “Early riser?”
Yaz shrugged. “Earlier than those two.”
“I’ve never figured it out,” Donna said. “When there’s no work to be worrying about, you can’t get Penny out of bed if your life depends on it. But whenever she’s on shift, she’s up at six and more cheerful than anyone should be about it.” She paused. “‘Course, she naps through the afternoon, half the time. Anyway, d’you want some coffee?”
“Sure,” Yaz said. “Thanks.”
“No problem.” Donna got up and started moving around the kitchen. “Made the whole pot, ‘cause I knew you lot were around. ‘Course, Ace already got to it—not that she really needs much in the way of caffeine—but still, plenty to go ‘round.” She handed Yaz a mug. “Milk or sugar?”
Yaz shook her head. “Thanks,” she said again. She took a chair, sipping at her coffee and settling into the morning. She glanced at Donna, trying to figure out what to say; it dawned on her that she hadn’t really spent much time with Donna without Penny present. “You’re not working today?”
Donna shook her head. “Graham and Ace have things covered,” she said. “Thought I’d be more useful up here.”
“You’re probably right.” Yaz glanced back at the hall, towards where Penny and Rose were still asleep.
“That’s if she wakes up before the bakery closes,” Donna added.
Yaz smiled. There was another silence, this one longer.
“Did you ever meet Penny’s mum?” Yaz finally blurted, mostly to fill the silence. “Before this, I mean.”
“Nah. Only met her after she'd run away.” Donna sipped her coffee. “Probably for the better. Might've ripped her head off, if I'd met her at sixteen.”
Yaz laughed. “We're lucky Ace held back.”
Donna grimaced. “How long after the traumatic event do you think I have to wait before I have the no explosives in the shop conversation with Penny?”
“Not with Ace?”
“Nah, I think she got the message. It's Penny who let her bring them to begin with.”
Yaz hummed. “I might give it a couple days. Special circumstances.”
“Suppose so.” Donna eyed Yaz. “You and Rose—you care about her, do you?”
Yaz felt her cheeks heat up. She didn’t trust herself to say anything; she just raised her eyebrows, hiding her mouth behind her mug.
“It’s nice to see,” Donna added. She hesitated. “She puts up a good show, but she doesn’t really get out much. Even before all this.”
Yaz nodded. “That doesn’t really surprise me,” she said. She sipped her coffee, turning the mug nervously in her hands. “Glad she made it to our shop, though.”
Donna smiled. “Me too.” And then, with a raise of her eyebrows—”You’d better not hurt her.”
“Would never,” Yaz said, without a second thought. “Cross my heart.”
Before Donna could reply, Yaz heard a sound behind her. She turned her head to see Penny, still in her oversized sleep shirt, her hair flattened at one side of her face.
“Oh,” she said. “You’re here.” Without another word, she dropped into Yaz’s lap, curling up with her head against Yaz’s shoulder. Yaz wrapped an arm around her on instinct.
“All right?” she asked.
Penny nodded into her shoulder. “Sorry,” she said. “Was just here to get some water. In theory anyway.”
“I’ve got it.” Donna stood and moved to the sink.
“Thanks. Forgot how tired I was.”
“Until you saw a nice comfy seat?” Yaz teased.
“Yeah.” There wasn’t a trace of irony in Penny’s voice.
Over the top of Penny’s head, Yaz caught Donna’s eye. They exchanged a smile, and Donna set down a full glass of water on the table. Yaz poked Penny.
“D’you want to go back to bed?” she asked. “It’ll be softer.”
Penny shifted, lifting her head. “Yeah, all right.”
Yaz prodded Penny until she slid off Yaz’s lap. Yaz stood and reached to pick up the glass, but Penny took it first; within seconds, all the water was gone. Yaz stared.
“Thanks,” Penny said to Donna. “Very refreshing.” She took the arm Yaz offered, and they went back to the bedroom together. Rose was still fast asleep, her hair spread across the pillow; Penny brushed it aside so she wouldn’t lie on it. Yaz resumed her position on Penny’s other side, although she didn’t lie all the way down; she didn’t really feel like going back to sleep, and considering she’d just had a cup of coffee, she didn’t think she’d be able to if she tried. Instead, she pulled out her phone and started tapping at a puzzle game. When she looked back over at Penny, she was already asleep.
Yaz sat there for the next hour or so, enjoying the coziness of an early morning spent in bed, next to people she cared about. Eventually, Rose began to stir, and Yaz looked over just as Rose’s eyes fluttered open. She smiled when she saw Yaz.
“Morning.”
Yaz smiled back. “Sleep all right?”
“Never better.” Rose pushed herself into a sitting position, a difficult maneuver when Penny’s arm was flung across her. But Penny, still dead asleep, didn’t seem to notice when Rose lifted her arm and laid it across her legs. Rose looked down at her. “Blimey, she can sleep.”
“She woke up around when I did,” Yaz said. “Not permanently.”
Rose nodded. And then she sighed, tipping her head back until it hit the wall. “I’ve just remembered we’ve got to open the shop again tomorrow.”
With everything that had happened in the last week, tattooing felt like a distant dream. “It’s going to be busy, too,” Yaz said. “To make up for last week.”
Rose groaned. “Maybe we just stay here,” she said. “Hide out. Forever.”
“You wouldn’t enjoy that,” Yaz said. “You like running the shop.”
“Ugh, whatever.” But Rose was smiling. “Suppose we’d better make the most of today.”
Yaz nodded.
“Making the most of today,” it turned out, involved spending most of the morning in bed, exchanging quiet conversation and trying not to disturb Penny. Eventually, Yaz went down to the bakery to get food for breakfast, under the assumption that no one would really want to deal with finding anything in the flat. As always, Ace greeted her brightly at the counter, and Yaz picked out breakfast sandwiches, muffins, and pastries for herself, Rose, Penny, and Donna.
“No coffee?” Ace asked.
Yaz shook her head. “Sorry,” she said. “You’re being outdone by the machine upstairs. More convenient.”
“Suppose I’ll have to find a way to cope.” Ace passed Yaz the stuffed paper bag with a grin. “Tell the professor I said hi! Rose and Donna too, I suppose.”
“I’ll do that.”
By the time Yaz got back upstairs, Rose, Penny, and Donna were all in the kitchen, Donna and Rose in chairs, Penny lying flat on the floor.
“Got up too soon,” she said at Yaz’s quizzical look. “Got to compensate.”
“Don’t suppose a muffin would help,” Yaz said.
Penny sat up. “D’you know, I think it might.”
Yaz dropped a banana chocolate chip muffin into her hand, and she fell right back on the floor again, biting into the muffin. A second later, she coughed and rolled onto her side.
“You all right?” Rose asked.
“Right as rain,” Penny said, although she was still coughing a little. “Forgot how uncomfortable it is to eat lying down. Shame, too, when otherwise lying down is so nice.”
“I dunno,” Rose said. “I always sort of drop my phone flat on my face when I’m lying down.”
“Another drawback,” Penny acknowledged. “Still, though.” But she pushed herself up on her elbow to take another bite of her muffin. Yaz watched, not realizing she had a goofy smile plastered on her face until she saw Donna looking at her out of the corner of her eye. Heat rushed into her cheeks, and she grabbed a breakfast sandwich and took a hasty bite.
Her attempt to cover was for nothing, though: when they were all done eating, Donna made a flimsy excuse about needing to check in on the bakery, leaving Yaz, Rose, and Penny on their own.
For a long moment, everyone was silent. The air felt thick in Yaz’s lungs. They’d agreed, last night, that they’d talk tomorrow, and this was tomorrow, and they did need to talk, but Yaz had no idea what to say.
Fortunately, Rose always seemed to know what to say. She slid from her chair onto the ground, flopped onto her back next to Penny, and said, “Right, so we probably ought to address the great big elephant in the room, yeah?”
“Oh, I love elephants,” Penny said. “Wish there were an elephant in the room. I’d take good care of it, I would.”
Yaz looked around. They were still in the kitchen area—she wasn’t sure it was even as big as an elephant. “Not in here, you wouldn’t.”
“Killjoy.”
Rose snapped her fingers. “Oi! Not the point!”
“All right, all right.” Penny waved a hand. “Metaphorical elephants only.”
“Thank you.” Rose took a deep breath. “Look, near as I can tell, there’s not even that much to talk about, is there? It’s not that complicated. Penny and me like each other, Penny and Yaz like each other, me and Yaz are dating. Saying it doesn’t need to change much.”
Yaz thought about it. She’d sort of expected to feel more discombobulated at the idea that, mere weeks after she’d accepted she was into women to begin with, she would want to be dating two of them—but it didn’t feel all that discombobulating. If anything, it felt natural. It was just right. Rose slotted so well into her life, and Penny did too.
“Yeah,” she said to Rose. She thought about it for another second, thought about spending more time with Penny, going on dates, hanging out in the bakery, and she felt her chest grow warm, and she added, “Only good changes.”
“I’ll take good changes,” Penny said. “Oh!” She sat straight up, but moments later fell heavily back on her elbows. “Does good changes mean we’re dating? Are you my girlfriends? Am I your girlfriend? I’ve never been a girlfriend before.”
Rose and Yaz exchanged a grin.
“That’s a yes from me,” Yaz said.
“Yeah, I’ll give it a go.” Rose was bordering on giddy now, and she wasn’t the only one.
“Oh, brilliant.” Penny’s smile was electric. She darted over and planted a kiss on Rose’s cheek, and then she practically jumped to her feet and did the same to Yaz, her warm lips pressing against Yaz’s skin for half a second before she fell to the ground again. “Oh. Still not ready to be up yet.”
“Or you could be up a little slower,” Yaz suggested, laughing. She reached out an arm, and Penny took it, pulling herself slowly to her feet.
“I like moving fast,” she grumbled. “Moving fast is nice. I miss when it didn’t make my head all spinny.” But then her grin was back, and she was turning back to Rose and saying, “Hey, we’ve still got half a season of that soap left to watch, don’t we?”
Yaz made a big show of groaning, and Rose laughed.
“Shut up,” she said. “You love it really.”
“You’ll never get me to admit it,” Yaz replied. Still, she stood up, holding out an arm to Penny. Instead of taking it, Penny wiggled into it, wrapping the arm around her waist and reaching her own arm out for Rose.
“Bit dramatic for a trip to the sofa, isn’t it?” Rose asked, even as she stood and let Penny pull her in.
“Oh, but I’ve got to have my girlfriends with me,” Penny said brightly, and Yaz and Rose both laughed as the three of them made their way over to the sofa.
When Donna came back half an hour later, she found them piled on top of each other, engaged in a bitter argument about whether or not they’d seen one of the one-off actresses before in one of the other shows Rose liked. Penny insisted she was the same, but Rose was sure she was different, and Yaz, who didn’t remember the other show all that well, was feeding both arguments whenever she felt like it, mostly for her own entertainment. She caught Donna’s eye for a brief second; Donna just shook her head and said, “You know, Ace and Graham have a bet going on about you three.”
Yaz scoffed. “What, again?”
“What’re the stakes?” Penny asked.
“Twenty quid.”
“What’s it on?” Rose asked.
“Ace thinks the three of you are—how’d she put it?—in deep gay love. Graham isn’t convinced.” Donna raised her eyebrows. “Something tells me he’s going to be paying up.”
“Might be a little soon to be saying things like deep gay love,” Rose pointed out.
Donna shrugged. “Don’t ask me. I’m just the messenger.” She paused. “But I’m getting the sense that maybe the messenger ought to leave you three alone for a bit. If you’re all right, Penny.”
“I’m brilliant.” Penny beamed. “Don’t worry about me.”
“All right, then,” Donna said. “I’ll be downstairs.” She disappeared out the door, and Yaz settled back into the sofa, doing her best not to jostle Penny’s head against her chest.
At the end of the day, nothing really had changed, and that was what was so lovely. Very literally, at the end of the day Yaz asked if Penny wanted to come sleep in their flat above the tattoo shop, since they did need to actually open it tomorrow, and Penny agreed on the condition she could hang out in the waiting room and terrorize the customers, which Yaz and Rose agreed to immediately. And Ace was sitting in the living room when they got in, throwing animated bombs at animated cars, and when she saw them she paused the game and leaned forward and asked, “Was I right?” and Yaz rolled her eyes and Penny said, “’Course you were right.” And then she started asking Ace about the bombs, and Ace explained she’d almost narrowed down the materials, but it was hard because they were video game bombs and obviously not intended to be made in real life. Not that she was going to make them, of course, but—Yaz started cooking around that point, so she didn’t really catch the rest of the conversation, but the chatter in the background kept a smile on her face. And she ate with Rose and Penny and Ace, and fell asleep crammed into a too-small bed with two people she loved, and nothing had changed, but it still all seemed so much better.
NOTES: cw for misgendering (just once at the start) and general abuse/bad vibes. but you know in a hurt/comfort kind of way
They walked down to the bakery together: Rose and Yaz on either side of Penny, who managed to keep her head held high as the three of them stepped through the door.
Penny’s mum was at one of the tables by the back, wearing the same sun hat as always (despite the cold and cloudy weather) and writing in a notebook. She didn't look up when the door opened, but as Penny came closer, she glanced up.
Penny sat down across from her.
“Mother.”
There was the ghost of satisfaction on her mum’s face. “John.”
“I don't know anybody by that name.” Penny’s voice was perfectly calm.
Her mum sighed. “Very well, then. Penelope.”
Yaz was still hovering somewhere behind Penny; she couldn't see her face. But she could see the tilt to Penny’s chin and the tension in the back of her neck.
Rose tapped at Yaz's elbow. When Yaz turned her head, Rose nodded towards a nearby table— close enough to see and hear what was going on without looming over the conversation. As quietly as they could, Yaz and Rose sat down.
“It’s been a long time,” Penny’s mum was saying. “That’s not an accident, I gather.” From where Yaz was sitting, she couldn’t really see Penny’s mum, but she was sure that, even after such a short time in her presence, she could envision the arched eyebrow, the tilted head.
Penny didn’t respond.
A to-go cup appeared on the table just next to Yaz. She looked up to see Ace sliding into the seat next to Rose.
“I'm on my break,” she whispered. “Did I miss anything?”
Yaz shook her head. “Only the misgendering.”
Ace pulled a face. “Oh, that’s all right, then.”
The next table over, Penny and her mum were staring at each other, seemingly oblivious to their audience.
“You've been avoiding me,” her mum said. There was something about her voice that gave Yaz chills: a perfect calmness. “I thought you’d at least have the decency to say hello.”
Penny managed a close mimicry of her mother’s tone, but Yaz could hear the tight tension that ran underneath it. “Hello.”
Out of the corner of her eye, Yaz saw Rose suppress a laugh.
“Hello.” Yaz could hear the smug smile in Penny’s mum’s voice. It was excruciating. She couldn’t imagine how Penny felt.
“It’s been a long time,” Penny said. “Why did you come here? And why now?”
“Penelope,” her mum began. “Surely I don’t need a reason to come visit my daughter.”
“You never came before,” Penny insisted.
Her mum sighed. “I was busy. I had to pick up the pieces after you left. And then I was… out of commission… for such a long time.”
Yaz and Rose exchanged a confused look. Penny hadn’t said anything about her mum being “out of commission”—what did that mean? Yaz pulled out her phone, ready to Google for it—if Penny’s mum really had been a prominent researcher, surely something would come up—and then she realized she didn’t know who to Google. Penny had never shared her mum’s name.
Yaz thought for a second, and then she texted Donna.
Yaz Khan: Hey, do you know Penny’s mum’s name?
Yaz Khan: I want to look her up
“What do you mean, out of commission?” Penny asked, her eyebrows drawn together. Yaz’s phone buzzed.
Donna Noble: Tecteun Smith
Donna Noble: Everything all right out there?
Yaz Khan: Yep
Penny’s mum sighed again. “Let’s not get too bogged down in what’s past.”
Donna Noble: I’ll be out soon. Just making sure everything makes it out of the oven.
Yaz Khan: 👍
Yaz closed her messaging app and opened a browser window. Trying not to draw attention to herself, she typed the name “Tecteun Smith” into the search bar and hit “enter.”
The results appeared immediately: headline after headline filling Yaz’s screen. Yorkshire Doctor Imprisoned for Medical Malpractice. Doctor Credited with Medical Miracles Sentenced to 15 Years in Prison. Tecteun Smith, the Woman Who Claimed She Would Cure Us All. The articles went back a good few years.
She glanced up. Rose was giving her a curious look. Yaz took a screenshot of the results and attached it to a text— seconds later, she heard Rose’s phone buzz. She turned her own phone off and cast her attention back to Penny and her mum. She'd missed some of the conversation— now Penny’s mum was saying, “You know I’ve missed you.”
“Have you?” Penny’s head was tilted to the side, a practiced casualty in her tone, but Yaz could hear the hard edge running underneath. She was holding herself stiffly, too, like she had when Yaz had tattooed her, and her smile was just on the edge of dangerous. “All the good times we had?”
“We did have good times.” Penny’s mum sounded perfectly serene. “Didn’t we? Remember how we used to go on those hikes?”
Penny scoffed. “Sorry. Not ringing a bell.”
“Oh, Penelope,” her mum said, shaking her head. “I’d thought you might've changed. You always were so angry.”
“Wonder why.” Penny's distress was visible in the tension at her neck, the set of her jaw. But she held herself upright, her chin lifted in stubborn defiance.
Her mum sniffed. “It's a good thing you haven't got more family,” she said, “if this is how you treat me.”
Yaz tensed. It was all she could do to stop herself from getting up and launching herself at Penny’s mum. But this was Penny's fight—Yaz would respond to Penny’s cues.
“I treat my family fine, thank you,” Penny said. She looked around. “Hang on.” And then she leaned back, lifting her chair’s front legs off the ground, and called towards the kitchen. “Donna?”
Donna appeared immediately, her eyebrows raised at Penny’s mum. “Yeah?”
“D’you think I treat you badly?”
Donna's answer came quick. “Definitely not.”
Penny turned to the table where Yaz, Rose, and Ace were sitting. “You three—any complaints?”
“None from me.” Rose hit Penny with a grin.
“Me either,” Ace said.
“Nor me,” Yaz added.
Penny turned back to her mum. “Think that settles it, then, doesn't it?”
“This is your family, then?” her mum asked. “A few coworkers? A random child?”
“Oi!” Ace said. “I’m sixteen, I’ll have you know. Hardly a child.”
“Not exactly random, either,” Rose muttered.
“Oh, dear.” Penny's mum fanned herself with one hand. “She's not… yours, is she?”
Penny opened her mouth to respond, but before she could, Ace jumped to her feet, sticking out a hand to shake. “That's right,” she said, an innocent but exuberant grin on her face. “Ace McShane-Smith, at your service.”
Next to Yaz, Rose snorted.
“Interesting.” Tecteun’s eye skated across Ace’s face, hair, jacket. “You would be Penelope’s experiment, then, would you?”
Ace frowned. “Her what?”
“I don't do experiments.” Penny pushed the words out through gritted teeth.
“Nonsense,” her mum said. “Every child is an experiment. You were—particularly successful—”
“So successful you wound up in prison?” Yaz asked.
Everyone's heads turned towards her. Yaz swallowed.
“It's all there online,” she said. “Medical malpractice. Prison sentence. Did you only just get out?”
“Last year.” Tecteun had maintained her composure thus far, but Yaz could see her hands shaking as she lifted her cup. “I wanted to see you right away, of course, but it was a while until I was ready. I'm not so young anymore, you know. Prison wasn't easy on me.”
“As if you were ever easy on me.” Penny's voice was dangerously low. She was leaning forward, with a glint in her eyes Yaz was sure she hadn't seen before. “D’you know, I've spent the last twenty years dealing with all that? Not exactly keen on going back to it, if I’m being honest.”
“You had a roof over your head,” Tecteun said. “You had enough to eat. You have a mother who loves you.”
“If that’s what being loved feels like,” Penny said, “I’m not interested.”
Teceun opened her mouth again, but Donna was ready: she stepped forward, saying, “Yeah, I’ve had enough of you.”
Tecteun’s jaw dropped in extreme affront. “You can’t do that!”
“I own the place,” Donna replied. “I can refuse service to anyone.” She glanced at Penny. “That is, if my co-owner agrees.”
Penny nodded. Her eyes were fixed on her mum.
“Right,” Donna said. “In that case, I don’t think I want to see you here ever again.”
“Do I need to call the authorities?” Tecteun asked.
“Do you honestly think they'll be on your side?” Yaz countered.
“As if cops ever fix anything,” Ace muttered. She eyed Tecteun. “Say, if you are sticking around, are you interested in looking at my collection of homemade explosives? Promise I'm very good at keeping them stable. Most of the time.”
Tecteun’s eyes widened. “Is that a threat?”
Ace shook her head. “More of a hobby. I ask everyone. If you stay here, I can just go get them.”
Tecteun turned her head carefully away. “That won’t be necessary.” Her eyes landed on Penny. “Congratulations, Penelope. You’ve made yourself clear. Reconciliation is clearly not possible with one as obstinate as yourself.” She began to stand.
Penny wrinkled her nose. “Obstinate? Me? I don’t think I’m obstinate.”
Ace must have run off when Yaz wasn’t looking, because now she was back, holding what appeared to be a deodorant can.
“Penny, did you tell Ace she could bring the explosives to work?” Donna asked. “I thought we agreed no explosives at work.”
“Might’ve said she could store them in the back?” At Donna’s look, Penny raised her hands in protest. “I was curious! Wanted to see what she was doing. It’s very impressive.”
Tecteun, for her part, was inching closer and closer to the door.
“D’you know,” Ace said to her, “I don’t know if I want to show these to you. I actually don’t think any of us want to see you here again.” She looked around, her ponytail whipping in the air. “Right?”
“Yep,” Donna said.
“Do I get a say?” Rose asked.
“Only if you agree,” Ace said solemnly.
“All right, then, guess I’d better.” Rose was grinning, first at Ace, then at Penny. Penny gave her a small smile back.
“Same here,” Yaz added.
Tecteun stared at Penny for a long moment. “Penelope?”
Penny used her cane to push herself to her feet. She met Tecteun’s eyes with equal intensity. “Get out.”
Tecteun took a deep breath, her head still held high underneath her wide-brimmed hat. “Well, then. I suppose this is goodbye.” And without another word, she turned and marched out the door.
For a long moment, all was silent. The door swung shut, and everyone looked from it to each other, their collective breath still caught, tense, in their lungs.
“Did we do it?” Ace whispered.
“I—” Penny swayed. “Did we?”
Donna pulled her into a hug. Penny went ragdoll limp in her arms.
The door opened, and Yaz jumped, for a moment irrationally but completely convinced it was Tecteun back again. But no, it was just a regular customer, a woman in a business suit who made her way directly to the counter.
“Oh!” Ace exclaimed, darting over to the counter and setting down her cans of explosive very gently at her feet. “Can I help you?”
Penny peeled herself away from Donna. Her eyes were wide and rimmed with red.
“Right,” she breathed. “We've got customers.”
“Nope,” Donna said. “You're going right back upstairs, if I've got anything to do with it.”
“Oh.” Penny wavered, looking lost.
Rose stepped forward. “Oh, come here, you.” She wrapped an arm around Penny's waist, and Penny fell against her. “What do you think? Can we get Yaz and her arms of steel to carry you up the stairs again?”
Yaz scoffed. “Only if you promise to never say ‘arms of steel’ about me ever again.”
Rose shot her a grin. “You've got a deal.”
“It's more like ‘back of steel,’ anyway,” Yaz added, crouching down in front of Penny. “And legs.” Penny climbed onto her back and wrapped her arms around Yaz's neck. Her head settled softly against Yaz's hair, and Yaz took a moment to adjust to Penny’s warm body against hers before she started walking.
They made it easily to the flat, Tecteun nowhere in sight as they entered the stairwell. Yaz didn't put Penny down until she'd gotten all the way down the hall to Penny's room. Penny let go of her shoulders and fell onto the bed just as Rose came in, dropping Penny’s cane by the door.
“I'm going to put the kettle on,” she said.
Yaz resisted the urge to tell her she sounded like her mum. Instead, she sat at the edge of the bed, reaching an arm out to rest her hand on Penny's shoulder. Penny didn't move.
Rose came back in a few minutes later, juggling three hot mugs in her hands. Penny pushed herself slowly into a sitting position, and Yaz scrambled up to sit next to her. Rose handed a mug to Yaz and nudged at Penny until she moved over, making room for Rose to sit.
“All right?” she asked quietly.
Penny shrugged. She took her mug from Rose and held it in both her hands in front of her.
“Yeah.” Rose rested her head on Penny's shoulder. “You did good in there.”
Penny nodded, now frowning at her tea. It was a long time before she said anything, and when she did, it was with tremendous effort behind each word. “How did you know?”
“Know what?” Yaz asked.
“Prison?”
“Oh.” Yaz shrugged. “I just googled her. Texted Donna for her name ‘cause I thought there was something fishy about the whole ‘been away for a while’ thing.”
Penny nodded, still staring at her tea. She swallowed, her throat rising and falling painfully. “I don't like it,” she said, her voice barely audible. “The prison thing.”
“Why not?” Rose asked. “She got caught, didn't she?”
Penny shook her head. “Didn't do much good. It's not like she's changed or anything. Besides—” She cut off.
“Yeah?” Rose prodded.
“I don’t know why it took so long,” Penny said. “I was in there for years. Loads of people saw. Techs. Assistants. Students. Other doctors. No one said anything.”
“Might’ve been scared to,” Yaz said. “If she was their boss.”
“And I bet she was lying her arse off besides,” Rose muttered.
Yaz nodded. “Yeah, that too.”
“Maybe.” Penny let out a breath. “I don't know. Feels weird, for her to get caught because of somebody else. It's like… I don’t know.”
“Like what?” Rose asked.
“It’s just…” Penny’s next words came out almost too quiet to be heard. “Why did no one care when it was me?”
Without thinking, Yaz wrapped her arms around Penny. Rose pried the tea out of Penny’s hands just in time to prevent a spill as Penny collapsed into Yaz's side, clutching at her shirt. A moment later, Rose set the tea down so she could join the hug properly.
It was hard to say how long the three of them sat like that, with Penny sniffling into Yaz's shoulder and Rose’s arms around them both. The tea had certainly gotten cold, by the time Penny lifted her head and took a deep, shuddering breath.
“Thanks,” she whispered. “For being here.”
“Wouldn't miss it,” Yaz quipped.
Penny managed a laugh. There was a long silence as she breathed, in and out, and then scrambled to sit up. “Actually, I was meaning to ask. Do you do this sort of thing with all your friends?” she asked, her voice suddenly returning to its usual brightness.
“What, help them through hard times?” Rose laughed. “Nah, it's just you. We’re cold as ice to everyone else, promise.”
“No, not that.” Penny hesitated. “Not just that, anyway.” She disentangled a hand from Yaz's shirt so she could gesture at the three of them. “This. I—” She swallowed. “Seems a bit much, for the shopowner across the street.”
“Pretty sure you stopped being ‘the shopowner across the street’ by the second time you crashed our waiting room,” Yaz teased.
“It’s not crashing if it’s open to the public.”
“It’s open to our clients,” Yaz corrected.
Penny nudged her. “Oi, I got a tattoo, didn’t I?”
“One tattoo.” Rose leaned back and grinned. “You’re lucky we didn’t kick you out all the other times.”
“You wouldn’t do that!” Penny looked so comically shocked that Yaz had to laugh.
“No,” she said. “We wouldn’t.” She glanced at Rose, who met her eyes with a nod. “Don’t know if you realized, but I don’t usually sleep three to a bed, either.”
“Didn’t think so.” Penny frowned. “So that’s—not normal friendship?”
“I don’t know,” Rose said. “Might be, for some people. Suppose it's not far off from how me and my mates used to sleep after a night out.”
“Yeah, but only ‘cause you were drunk,” Yaz put in. She'd shepherded Rose home herself a good few times, and once or twice the rest of the group had been there too, sprawling across the bed and the floor in Rose’s room while Yaz, invariably the only one sober, sat at the head of the bed with her back against the wall, laughing when Rose fell across her lap. It was a happy memory—but not, all things considered, related to the matter at hand. “Anyway, I think you're evading the question,” she said to Rose.
“Well, what if it's the wrong question?” Rose asked. She turned to Penny. “Doesn’t matter how other people are with their friends. The right question, I think, is how you feel about it.”
“I feel…” Penny swallowed. Her eyes darted from Rose to Yaz. “I feel lucky.”
There was a shimmering potential in the air, thin like the wall of a bubble. Yaz couldn't speak for fear of popping it.
Penny kept talking. Each word came slow, halting. “I feel like—it's hard to find the words. I think I feel… confused. Not bad-confused, just…” She stared at her hands. “I don't get it. Why me? You spend so much time with me. And you have each other, and so many other friends—why me?”
“I don't know, I'm in it for the baked goods,” Rose quipped.
Penny managed a laugh.
“Honestly, though, is it that hard to believe we like you?” Rose added.
“I—” Penny swallowed. “I don't know. Most people seem to think I'm a bit much.”
“Nah,” Rose said. “You're just the right amount.”
“If you say so.” Penny paused for a moment. “The thing is,” she said, her voice suddenly sounding stronger than it had since she’d left the bakery, “I forget if I told you already, but I’m autistic. A bit socially awkward. Not great with social cues. And the cues I’ve been getting from you two have been confusing. Especially since I don’t really have much to go off of, in terms of personal experience. And especially ‘cause there’s a lot I would be reading as romantic, if you two weren’t together. And there was that thing about flirting—” Here she faltered. “I suppose I just wanted to know—am I making it up?”
Yaz let out a breath, and it turned into a laugh, a giddy laugh that Rose soon joined in on.
“You’re not,” Yaz said.
“We’ve sort of already talked about it,” Rose added. “Hope you don’t mind.” There was that teasing note to her voice that always seemed to diffuse a situation.
“Fill me in?” Penny asked, her eyes darting between the two of them.
“Well,” Rose began, lowering her voice until it became downright conspiratorial, “I think it's possible that Yaz has a crush.”
“Oi!” Yaz raised her eyebrows, trying her absolute hardest to ignore the heat in her cheeks. “I thought the point of the conversation was that we both have crushes.”
“Oh,” Penny breathed. Rose turned to her, suddenly shy.
“Is that—is that all right?” she asked.
“Yeah, it's—” Penny broke into a grin. “It's better than all right. It's brilliant. It's—” She paused. “It's exciting. But I don't know the rules.”
“Maybe we ought to figure that out tomorrow,” Yaz said. “Enough big talk for today. We can get by without rules until tomorrow, can’t we?”
“You'll still be here?” Penny whispered. “Tomorrow?”
NOTES: sorry this is slightly late. my girlfriend and i have been kinning every character in this fic by Going Through It.
the good news is i am on track to have chapter 29 actually finished by next week and i've updated the chapter count because i'm fairly certain we'll have chapter 29, another chapter to wrap everything up, and then a cute little epilogue. that could change, but you know.
At 4:30 that afternoon, Yaz was approaching the Powell Estate, hand in hand with Rose.
“So,” she said, “what did you say to your mum?”
“Just told her I was seeing something new,” Rose said. “Took her approximately two minutes to talk herself into inviting you over.”
“But you didn’t tell her it was me?” Yaz checked.
“Nope.” Rose skipped slightly ahead so she could turn around and grin in Yaz’s face. “More fun as a surprise.”
Yaz grinned back. “Can’t wait.”
Still, she found herself more nervous than expected as she stood next to Rose at her mum’s door— sure, she knew Rose’s mum liked her, but that was as a friend, not a romantic partner. Never mind that apparently Rose had been updating her mum on her feelings for years. Things were different when they stepped out of the hypothetical and became real. The chances of Yaz being met with rejection were indescribably slim, but— she’d started to consider Rose’s mum part of her family, too, and when the stakes were that high, even the slimmest, narrowest chance felt like a threat.
And then Rose knocked, and the door opened, and there was a blur of motion as Jackie Tyler swept Rose into a hug.
“Rose! It’s been too long— you know, Bev was just asking about you, and I had to tell her I hadn’t seen you in a month? I know you’ve been busy, but—”
“I know, I know.” Rose stepped away from the hug. “Mum—”
But Jackie had noticed Yaz. “And Yasmin! So good of you to come—” She crushed Yaz in a hug, and Yaz and Rose exchanged a grin over her shoulder.
“Good to see you,” Yaz said.
“Now,” Jackie said, stepping back. “Where’s this new girl of yours? Don’t tell me she’s late. Can’t stand that sort of thing.”
Yaz stifled a snort. She knew for a fact that Jackie had been late for just about every event of Rose’s life.
“‘Course not, Mum,” Rose said, keeping an impressively straight face.
“You know,” Jackie added, “Yaz, you could always bring someone round, if you wanted to. The offer isn’t limited to Rose.”
“Er— thanks.”
“C’mon, we can’t stand out here all night.” Rose grabbed Yaz’s hand and tugged her past Jackie and through the hall into the living room. “C’mon, Mum, we’ve got loads of catching up to do.” She shot Yaz a grin.
“Oh, all right,” Jackie said. Yaz saw her peek through the door one more time before coming into the living room. “Thought we’d get a takeaway. Anyone have a problem if I order pizza?”
“Good with me,” Rose said.
“Same here,” Yaz agreed.
“And your mystery person?” Jackie raised her eyebrows at Rose.
Rose laughed. “I think she’ll be fine with whatever we get.” She was still holding Yaz’s hand. Yaz glanced over at her: the second their eyes met, it was over. They both burst into laughter. When Yaz looked back at Jackie, her mouth had fallen open, and for possibly the first time ever, she was speechless.
“You didn’t— Rose—” She shook her head. “You didn’t tell me?”
“Thought this would be funnier,” Rose said. She snickered. “And I was right.”
“Rose Marion Tyler. I can’t believe you.” Jackie launched herself forward and pulled Yaz into another hug. “Oh, I was hoping you two would work it out.”
“Mum, stop. You’re being weird.”
“Don’t tell me what to do,” Jackie said. But she stepped back as she added, “Not after that trick you just pulled.”
“Doesn’t give you the right to be weird to my girlfriend!” Rose insisted.
“Nonsense,” Jackie said. “Yaz has been around long enough. You don’t get to pull the girlfriend card here.”
“Not like you’ve been any better to past partners,” Rose muttered.
Jackie raised her eyebrows. “I heard that.”
“Whatever.” Rose flopped onto the sofa. She grabbed Yaz’s hand as she went, pulling Yaz down onto her lap. “Pizza?”
“Finally get her back home, and all she can think about is pizza.” Jackie pulled out her phone to make the order.
Rose tapped Yaz’s arm. “All right?”
Yaz smiled. “Nice to see your mum.”
Rose rolled her eyes. “She never changes.”
Yaz laughed.
Soon enough, they were all seated in the living room, eating pizza off plastic plates and catching up on each other’s lives. Jackie had heard about many of the recent developments in their lives— despite the one glaring exception— but now she asked for every detail: what was the shop like? What did the bakery look like? What was Ace like? How had their trip to Sheffield been? Was Yaz’s nan doing all right? Eventually, Yaz curled up with her head on Rose’s shoulder, letting the words wash over her, lifting her head only when questions were directed her way. It was comfortable, to listen to Rose and her mum talk, their easy chatter filling the room.
She wasn’t sure if she’d fallen asleep on Rose. All she knew was that suddenly, Rose was prodding at her arm, and she was sitting up to see that it had gotten completely dark outside.
“C’mon, sleepyhead. Time to go home.” There was such quiet affection in Rose’s eyes; Yaz had to look away.
“Oh,” she said. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to knock out like that.”
“Oh, that just means you’re comfortable,” Jackie said. “Come on, love, where’d you leave your shoes?”
Slowly, they shuffled towards the door, waylaid by Jackie’s concerned comments and offers of leftover pizza and snacks and promises to come by the shop the next week, until finally they were back out on the street, walking to the bus stop with a full pizza box. Yaz realized she’d started shivering: it was getting to be the time of year when her regular leather jacket wouldn’t keep her safe from the chill. She wrapped an arm around Rose’s waist, taking what warmth she could; Rose laughed and pulled her closer, still balancing the pizza box in her other hand.
Fortunately, the bus came quickly, and at this time of night there was hardly anyone on it; Yaz and Rose sat in the empty row of seats at the back, the box balanced on Rose’s lap. Tucked into Rose’s side, Yaz felt overwhelmingly cozy— she forced herself to stay awake, not wanting to miss the stop.
The bus ride was short, though, and so was the walk from there to the flat. When they opened the door, they found Ace on the sofa, holding a Wii remote and looking startled.
“Oh!” she exclaimed. “Sorry, I can be out of here—”
“What? That’s not necessary.” Yaz shrugged. “We’re probably just going to go to bed. You can stay in here if you want.”
Ace still looked a bit like a deer in headlights. “Are you sure? I don’t want to be in your way.”
“Promise you’re not in the way,” Yaz said.
“Okay.” Ace didn’t look convinced. “I should go to bed anyway, I guess. I’ve got to work tomorrow.”
“Good night,” Rose said.
“Night.”
Rose and Yaz moved through the kitchen and into Rose’s room. “She’s rather odd,” Rose said, once she’d closed the door behind her.
Yaz frowned. “What do you mean?”
“She’s so bold most of the time, and then sometimes she starts to seem like a rabbit. You know, how they get all jumpy?”
Yaz sat down on the edge of the bed to take off her jacket. “Seems normal to me,” she said. “It’s different, when you’re living with someone. She’s probably scared we’ll kick her out or something.”
“Don’t know why we would,” Rose said. “Not like she’s a bad roommate, or anything.”
Yaz smiled. “Yeah, but she might not know that.”
Rose nodded. “Doesn’t seem like she’s had it easy, really.”
“I can’t imagine she has.” Yaz peeled off her trousers and reached for a pair of Rose’s shorts. “We ought to talk to her. Make sure she knows we’re not going to get mad at her for being in our space or anything.”
Rose hummed agreement. “Tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow,” Yaz agreed. She peeled off her shirt, finally past the point of real self-consciousness around Rose, and grabbed her favorite one of Rose’s shirts off the floor to put on before scrambling completely onto the bed. She curled up under the covers, and Rose joined her a few minutes later, their limbs colliding until they settled into position with Rose’s head tucked just under Yaz’s chin. It took Yaz mere minutes to fall asleep.
She woke up the next morning to the buzz of a phone. Rose was still asleep, softly snoring— Yaz extricated herself from Rose’s arms and craned her neck to the nightstand. It was Rose’s phone that was buzzing, but Penny’s name on the screen, so Yaz plucked it off the table and answered. Penny’s face appeared.
“Hiya!” Then, once she’d had a chance to actually get a look at Yaz (and her half-open eyes, and her messy hair)—“Oh, no, did I wake you up?”
“Sort of,” Yaz said, “but it’s all right. What’s going on?”
“Oh, well, it’s just that Donna says my mum’s back today, and I thought maybe I could try actually talking to her? Only we don’t have to do it now if you’re sleeping—”
“Hang on.” Yaz elbowed Rose. “Oi, wake up.”
Rose’s eyes blinked open. “Huh?”
“Penny’s mum’s there,” Yaz said. “How do you feel about a good old-fashioned confrontation?”
“Doesn’t have to be a confrontation!” Penny cut in.
Rose stretched. “Er— probably ought to have breakfast first.”
“Doesn’t have to be right now, either,” Penny said. “Apparently she’s been here every day since she got here. You really start to wonder what happened to her job.”
“Penny, are you in the flat?” Yaz asked. “We can bring you food.”
“Oh, that’s all right,” Penny said. “I’ve got my cereal.” She lifted a bowl to the camera. Yaz got the impression that she had used something decidedly other than milk— orange juice, maybe? “You could come over, though! I can share. Donna’s even got real cow milk.”
Yaz looked to Rose. “Breakfast with Penny? What do you think?”
Rose blinked. “Yeah, all right.”
To Penny, Yaz added, “But if all the cereals you’ve got are full of sugar, warn us now.”
“No, Donna’s got some normal ones,” Penny said. “I think she does, anyway.”
“And she won’t mind if we eat them?” Yaz asked.
Penny shook her head. “Won’t make a difference. Promise.”
“All right,” Rose said. “I guess it’s time to get dressed.”
“We’ll see you in a few?” Yaz said to the screen.
“I’ll be here!” Penny agreed.
Yaz ended the call.
“What do you even wear to do something like this?” she asked Rose, who was pulling a pink T-shirt over her head.
“Don't think there's a dress code,” Rose said. She peered into Yaz’s drawer. “Here, this one’s cute.” A shirt landed in Yaz’s lap— her red-button up, with the flowers.
“Right, ‘cause cute is definitely the goal here.” But Yaz took the shirt anyway. “Thanks.”
Rose shot her a grin.
Ten minutes later, they were being met by a very anxious-looking Penny at the door to her flat— she seemed to practically be holding herself together, constantly pushing her hair out of her face, holding herself with a fragility Yaz hadn’t seen in her even when she’d been at her most fatigued. She seemed delicate, made of— not glass, quite, but maybe cotton candy, something that would disintegrate at the slightest provocation. As she led Yaz and Rose to the kitchen, Yaz noticed two bowls out on the table, and a jug of milk, and six different boxes of cereal, and an assortment of spoons.
“Didn’t know which ones you would like,” Penny explained. “We’ve got all different sizes. I like to use the little ones to stir my tea.”
“Thanks,” Yaz said. She moved to pour herself a bowl. Penny sat down at the other side of the table, folding in on herself. Once Yaz had picked out a spoon and poured the milk, she dragged a chair so she could sit closer to Penny; Rose did the same on her other side.
“You all right?” Rose asked.
“No,” Penny muttered.
“We don’t have to do this today,” Yaz said.
“What’s the alternative?” Penny looked up, and Yaz could see tears swimming at the edges of her eyes. “She’ll just be back tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that. If I keep running away from her, it’ll take over my whole life. And I—” She swallowed. “When I was younger, I always felt like— I don’t know.” Her eyes slid shut. “I was hers. All of me— my body— it didn’t belong to me. Thought it was normal, when I was a kid.” She managed a laugh. “Turns out it wasn’t. But, you know. She always said I was helping people. And I like helping people.”
She said it in such a small voice, and suddenly Yaz could see too clearly a tiny version of Penny, sitting straight up in a doctor’s chair, talking a mile a minute to the people in scrubs and white coats scurrying around her. Something in her chest twisted.
“Anyway.” Penny tossed her head, failing to get her hair out of her face. “Point is. I always sort of wanted to have a life that could just be mine. And I've got one now, and I love it. I mean, I've got Donna, and the bakery, and you two— and—” She straightened up, her jaw set. “I can't let her— let anything— come in the way of that.” Her chin jutted out. “So I’ve got to talk to her. ‘Cause she's in the way.”
“That's right,” Rose said. At some point in the speech, she'd grabbed Penny’s hand, and now she was holding it above the table. “D’you want to go down now?”
Penny’s eyes darted from Rose to Yaz and back down to her bowl. “Are you sure you want to come with me?” she asked. “You don’t have to. Might even be better if you don’t.”
“Of course we’re coming,” Yaz said. “Why wouldn’t we?”
“I don’t know.” Penny swallowed. “It’s not going to be fun. For anybody. Would rather not expose you to her, really.”
Yaz shrugged. “We pretty much volunteered.”
“Still.” Penny was still staring down at her bowl. Her voice had dropped to just above a whisper. “I don’t know if I want you to know the person I am to her.”
“What’s that mean?” Rose asked.
Penny took a deep breath. “I—” She cut off. “She used to call me. Back when I’d just left. Just to tell me how selfish I was. How much she was hurting without me. How many people I could’ve helped if I’d stayed. And then when she found out I was living with Donna, she started saying things like— like how I’d better go back to her, so I wouldn’t be some horrible burden on Donna’s family. And— I don’t know.” There was a long, heavy silence. “I still wonder— sometimes— if she was right.”
“Absolutely not.” In an instant, Yaz had dragged her chair next to Penny’s. Her arm curled around Penny’s waist, but Penny remained stiff. “Penny, she hurt you. You—” The image of tiny Penny flashed in her mind again, and she swallowed a lump in her throat. “You were right to leave.”
Penny looked up, and all of a sudden she looked so vulnerable, tears swimming in her wide eyes, her lips parted as if breathing out a prayer. “But what if—”
“No,” Yaz said, keeping her voice quiet but firm.
“I rely on so many people,” Penny finally said, her voice so very quiet. “It’s not fair.”
“Oh, ‘cause you’re the first person to ever need a little extra support,” Rose joked.
Penny gave her a weak glare. “You know what I mean.”
“And last week, when I had you and Rose dealing with my entire family?” Yaz prodded. “Was that unfair?”
“I liked your family,” Penny said.
Yaz raised her eyebrows. “And do you think we all don’t like you?”
There was a long pause. Finally, Penny let out a breath.
“No,” she said.
“There you are, then,” Rose said. “It’s all right.” She straightened up and rolled her shoulders back in defiance. “And now I think it’s about time your mum heard what you have to say.”
NOTES: ohhh my god i'm almost caught up to myself in my writing. i don't have that much left to write though, like the end of chapter 29 and then probably a chapter 30 and mayyyybe an epilogue. i was hoping this would be over 100k just for the bragging rights but it looks like it's going to come in closer to 90k.
Yaz woke up slowly. Her head felt heavy from crying the night before, but the heaviness was counteracted by an overwhelming sense of safety and warmth. She was still tired, of course—a week like that wouldn’t fall off her immediately. But she felt better than she’d expected, after her crash the night before.
She opened her eyes. Rose was sitting up next to her, her phone in one hand, her other hand resting on the top of Yaz’s head. When she glanced down, she could see Penny’s hand at her waist, stark white against the navy blue T-shirt she was wearing. She lifted her head, and Rose glanced down at her.
“Finally,” she said. “I thought you were supposed to be the early bird.”
Yaz stretched, careful to keep from disturbing Penny’s arm. “I think I get to sleep in once in a while,” she said. “What time is it?”
Rose glanced at her phone. “8:36.”
“Still early,” Yaz said.
“This job is ruining my image,” Rose groaned. “Used to wake up at ten or eleven.”
Yaz rolled her eyes. “Yeah, ten years ago. And didn’t you used to work evening shifts?”
“Still.” Rose stretched her legs, then swung them over the side of the bed. “You want pancakes if I make them?”
“Okay.” Yaz reached for one of her hands and brought it to her lips, smiling as she kissed Rose’s palm. “Thanks.”
Rose tugged her hand away and went for the door.
Fifteen minutes later, Yaz pulled herself out of bed. Penny was still fast asleep, borderline snoring; Yaz tucked the covers closer around her before she left the room. Rose was in the kitchen, cooking, and Yaz went to sit at the table, slumping over to rest her chin on her elbows. She could hear the pancakes sizzling on the griddle, and the smell of her favorite turkey sausage filled the air. She still felt heavy, but the lingering feelings of worry and sadness and unbearable nostalgia were slowly leaching away.
Just as Rose was finishing the first round of pancakes, Ace came into the room, wearing a T-shirt and baggy basketball shorts. She slumped over at the table, a near-perfect mirror of Yaz.
“What's the smell?” she asked.
“It's pancakes.” Rose was bringing a heaping plate to the table— she set it down, and then she went back into the kitchen to bring out a stack of empty plates and a fistful of silverware.
“Hang on,” Ace said, looking around the room. “Where’s the professor?”
Yaz glanced towards Rose’s bedroom door. “She’s still asleep.”
Ace’s eyes widened. “In there? How do you all fit?”
“It’s not so hard,” Rose said.
“Bit of a squeeze,” Yaz said. “Easier than making up the sofa.”
“Suppose so.” Ace shrugged. “If you’re that comfortable with each other.”
Yaz felt her cheeks getting warm. “Oi, eat your breakfast.”
Rose went back into the kitchen and returned with a plate of sausages in one hand and a stack of cups in the other, the bottle of orange juice tucked under her arm and a bottle of maple syrup hanging off her little finger.
They were halfway through the meal when the door to Rose’s room opened and Penny appeared, blinking in the light, her hair sticking out everywhere.
“Hey,” Rose said. “Pancakes?”
Penny squinted at the table. “Oh! Okay.” She made her way over to the table and pulled a plate towards herself. She filled a cup with orange juice, then shook in a good amount of salt— Yaz took it in stride, but Ace was staring— before pulling out her pill bottle and using the salted juice to chase down the capsule.
“I’ll never understand how you can drink stuff like that,” Rose said, wrinkling her nose.
“It’s good for me!” Penny insisted.
“I’ll take my salt and juice separate, thanks.”
Penny shrugged. “To each their own.” She set down a sausage link in the middle of a pancake and rolled the pancake around it. Reaching across the table, she grabbed the maple syrup, poured a bit onto her plate, and dipped the pancake-and-sausage in it before stuffing half of it into her mouth. “Good pancakes.”
“Thanks.” Rose grinned. “It’s my signature recipe.”
“That you got off the back of a box mix,” Yaz added.
“That’s not true,” Rose said. “There’s two more eggs in there than the mix suggests. And vanilla. And cinnamon, and nutmeg.”
“All right,” Yaz conceded. “You’re a pancake genius.”
Rose beamed.
Once their plates were clean and the leftover pancakes had been stored in the fridge, it was time to get Penny back home. It was the sort of thing that probably didn’t actually need Yaz, Rose, and Ace, but no one was willing to back down, and so Penny was flanked on all sides as she crossed the street and climbed the stairs to her flat. It was empty— Donna was working, of course. But Penny didn’t seem to mind. She pulled Yaz and Rose into a three-person hug, squeezing them both against her.
“Thanks for having me along,” she said as she let go.
“‘Course,” Rose said.
“Thanks for coming,” Yaz added. “Really.”
Penny gave a strained smile. “You’re sure I wasn’t a nuisance?”
On impulse, Yaz reached for her hand and squeezed it quickly. “Furthest from it.” She dropped Penny’s hand, and Penny’s smile relaxed somewhat.
“Well, you know me,” she said. “Always here to help.”
Yaz, Rose, and Ace made sure that Penny had everything she needed in her flat— suitcase taken to her room, food in the fridge, warm blanket on the sofa. It was only when Penny told them to stop fussing over her, she was fine, that the three of them said their goodbyes and trooped out into the stairwell.
“So,” Ace said, the moment they hit the street. “What’s going on with you two and the professor?”
Yaz glanced at Rose. “Nothing?”
“Are you sure?” Ace was grinning, skipping ever so slightly ahead. “‘Cause I could’ve sworn I saw her coming out of your room this morning.”
“What, you’ve never had a sleepover?” Rose teased.
Ace tilted her head to the side. “Sure, every once in a while. But I’ve never gone three to a bed. There’s no room.” She stopped at the street corner to wait for the light. “Except, my friends in a throuple will share with each other sometimes. But that’s why I asked to begin with.”
“You don’t have to be in a throuple to share a bed,” Yaz protested. The light turned green, and the three of them started walking again. “Besides, it’s not like any of us take up all that much space.”
“If you say so,” Ace sang, skipping ahead again. She turned around so she could face Yaz and Rose. “Still. I get to say ‘I knew it’ when the three of you get together properly.”
“Sure,” Yaz sighed. “If that happens, you get to say ‘I knew it.’”
Ace grinned.
But of course, the second they got up the stairs to their flat, Rose tugged Yaz into her room, the tip of her tongue running nervously along her lip rings.
“Not sure it’s working,” she said.
“What’s not working?” Yaz asked, although she was sure she knew.
Rose waved a hand. “You know. ‘Not doing anything about it.’ With Penny.”
Yaz sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Ace seems to have a sense for these things.”
“Or else we’re just really, really obvious,” Rose pointed out.
Yaz looked up at her. “Pretty sure that’s worse.”
Rose fell back on the bed, reaching for one of Yaz’s hands as she went. Yaz followed her lead, and then they were lying on their backs, side by side, staring up at the ceiling.
“So what now?” Yaz asked. “Do we talk to her?”
Rose rolled onto her side. “D’you want to talk to her?”
Yaz hesitated. “I don’t know. What do you even say in that situation?”
“No idea,” Rose said.
“So maybe we ought to take the time to figure it out,” Yaz said. “Before we say anything.” She rolled to face Rose. “Work out what we even want out of it and everything.”
“Yeah, all right.” Rose’s hand brushed through Yaz’s hair, pushing it off her face. “Hey, d’you want to come see my mum tonight? I told her I was seeing someone and now she wants to meet you.”
Yaz blinked. “Er—sure.”
“Brilliant.” Rose grinned. “I’ll tell her we’re coming.” She sat up and stretched her arms out. “Ugh, I need a shower. Still feel all greasy from the train yesterday.” She dropped a kiss on Yaz’s forehead and slid off the bed. Yaz watched as she gathered her clothes and stepped away from the door.
Yaz rolled onto her stomach with a groan. She was still tired from the trip—if she rested today, she’d be all right to go see Rose’s mum later, but she needed to find something to do so she didn’t go mad with all the thoughts swirling around her head.
Of course, her usual method when her thoughts got like this was to call Dan and make him talk it through with her. It hit her suddenly that she hadn’t talked to Dan in a while— had she even told him about Rose? She pulled out her phone. Within seconds, Dan’s voice came over the line.
“Yaz! Haven’t heard from you in years.”
Yaz scoffed. “Relax. It’s been, like, a month.”
“You should come by the shop,” Dan said. “Meet our new artist. She’s almost as good as you.”
“Oi, stop with the flattery.” Yaz rolled her eyes. “What are you up to, Scouse?”
“Was taking a walk just now,” he replied. “Almost back to the flat.”
“No, I mean—” Yaz gestured with her hand, even though she knew Dan couldn’t see it. “In general.”
“Oh, nothing interesting,” Dan said. “Drafting some new flash sheets. Might send them to you, see what you think.”
“Sure,” Yaz said. She smiled. “You know I can’t resist a chance to tear you apart.”
Dan groaned. “What about you, Sheffield? Anything interesting?”
“Had the longest week,” Yaz sighed. “Nan had a heart attack. She’s all right, though.”
“Glad of that,” Dan said. “Did you have to go back home?”
“Yeah. Brought Rose with me. And Penny, you remember from the bakery?”
“The baker?” Yaz could practically hear Dan’s frown. “What was she there for?”
“She needed to get out of town. It's sort of a long story.”
“Huh.” Dan was quiet for a long moment; Yaz could almost see him mulling over what she had said. “You've gotten close with her, then.”
“Sort of.” Yaz swallowed. “It's all a bit complicated, really.” She cast about for the right words to explain— but instead she caught a diversion. “Oh, and we've got a kid living with us.”
Dan laughed. “Way to bury the lede, there, Khan.”
“It's no big deal,” Yaz said. “She's one of Penny’s employees. Needed a place to stay, we had room—”
“Not that much room, did you? Thought it was just a two bedroom?”
“It's big enough.” Yaz paused. “I've been sharing Rose’s room.”
“Well, you two are practically joined at the hip already,” Dan joked. “Surprised you were sleeping separately before this.”
Yaz couldn't help her smile. “Er— we're sort of together? Now?” She hesitated. “I mean— you know. Like, dating.”
Dan’s laugh was so loud Yaz had to hold the phone away from her ear. “About time!”
“Shut up!”
“When did this happen?”
Yaz swallowed. “A couple weeks ago?”
“A couple weeks? And you didn’t tell me?”
“I was busy!” Yaz protested. “Nan in the hospital, remember? And sixteen-year-old in my bedroom? Lots going on!”
“Oh, all right,” Dan said. “Don’t tell me anything, then. Just one of your oldest friends—”
Yaz scoffed. “Oi, I’m telling you now, aren’t I?”
“Too late, Sheffield. Too late.”
“All right, Scouse. Any big new developments in your life? Even the score a little?”
“Nope,” Dan said. “Can’t get off that easy. You know me, Sheffield. Never anything interesting going on.”
“That’s not true,” Yaz protested. “What about Di?”
“Nothing new!”
Yaz shook her head at the ceiling. “You were only just getting together last we talked. No way nothing’s happened since then.”
“Few more dates. Nothing more. Doesn’t beat ‘had a kid move in with me and started dating my best friend of the last eight years.’ Or ‘my nan had a heart attack.’”
“All right.” Yaz released a long breath. “What if I told you the kid living with me thinks me and my new girlfriend are having a thing with the baker who came with us to see my nan? And she might have a point?”
Dan chortled. “Well, Yaz, you were about due for some drama.”
“Oh, shut up,” Yaz scoffed.
“I’m serious! How long’s it been since you dated anyone?”
“Oi, did you miss the part where I didn’t realize I was basically dating my best friend for eight years?” Yaz sighed. “Makes it hard to know what to do now, though. It’s a good thing Rose isn’t a total shut-in, or I’d be lost.”
“You’re not a shut-in,” Dan said. “Just lacking in the romance department.”
Yaz smiled. “Not anymore, I’m not.”
“So what’s the deal with this Penny?” Dan asked.
“Give me eight years, and I’ll tell you.”
“Oh, no, you’re not getting away with that again.”
“It’s a long story.” Yaz thought for a moment. “I don’t know. We’ve just gotten closer, is all.”
“Oh, yeah?” There was no mistaking the suggestion in Dan’s tone.
“Not like that. Just—” Yaz took a deep breath. “She makes everything feel more fun. And she really seems to care. About everything. And I like spending time with her, and so does Rose—”
“Well, Sheffield, I knew you didn’t do things by halves. Are you going to talk to her?”
“I don’t know how,” Yaz said. “Rose and I are figuring it out. But—” She swallowed. “It’s sort of new territory. For both of us.”
“Oh, come on, Sheffield. You’ve faced worse than this.”
“Oh, shut up.”
“I’m serious!” Dan insisted. “You’ve got to follow—”
“If you tell me to follow my heart,” Yaz said, “I promise I will show up in your shop and rip you to shreds.”
“All right, then. I’ll stay quiet.” There was a moment of silence. “So, how’s business?”
They talked for a little while longer, mostly about their respective shops, but Yaz did manage to pry a few details about Dan’s personal life out of him. He told her, begrudgingly, about his few dates with Diane, his volunteer work at the food bank, his attempts at getting to know his next door neighbors. By the time Yaz hung up, she felt just a little bit revitalized; she always forgot what she missed out on, by not calling Dan as often as she meant to. She stretched and stood, making her way into the kitchen.
Rose was sitting at the table, her hair damp around her face. When Yaz came in, she looked up, already smiling.
“Who were you talking to?” she asked. “Dan?”
Yaz nodded, dropping down into the chair next to her. “You could’ve come in, you know.”
Rose shrugged, her eyes scanning Yaz’s face. “I wasn’t sure. Thought it might be private.”
“Nah.” Yaz tapped her foot against Rose’s. “It’s just Dan. Was catching him up on the last few weeks.”
“Oh, yeah? What did he say?”
“He was incredibly offended that I didn’t tell him about us earlier,” Yaz said. “Not in the least surprised, mind.”
“He does know you,” Rose agreed.
“And—” Yaz lowered her voice, lest she inadvertently give Ace even further ammunition— “I told him about the thing with Penny.”
Rose grinned. “What did he say about that?”
“Well,” Yaz said, “he tried to tell me to follow my heart, but I nipped that one in the bud pretty quick.”
Rose laughed. “Sounds like you’ve got all the advice you need, then.”
“Yep,” Yaz agreed. “Anything to add?”
“Nope,” Rose said. “Advice is Dan’s job. I'm just here to look pretty.”
Yaz laughed. “You don't do a bad job of it,” she said, pushing herself up from her chair. “But I think it’s my turn for the shower now.”
Rose stood too. She pulled Yaz into a quick kiss, then said, “D’you want to leave around four to go to Mum’s?”
“Sure. Works for me.” Yaz returned her kiss with a grin.
NOTES: posting early because i am SO sleepy from having a headache all day… really rosecore of me if you think about it
The train ride back to Sheffield was— Yaz could only describe it as a relief. She sat next to the window, Rose’s hand in hers, feeling the pressure on her chest slowly release. She liked Sheffield, in theory, but in practice it was where she’d spent the hardest years of her life. She always felt so trapped there. She was tired, now she was leaving, but she felt herself becoming freer and freer the closer the train got to London.
The train pulled up to the station, and Yaz, Rose, and Penny got off, finding a bench to sit on while Rose called for a cab.
“Can I come to yours?” Penny asked. “Only, Donna says my mum’s still in the bakery, and I don’t think I’m ready to face her yet.”
“‘Course you can,” Yaz said. “I mean— if it’s all right with Rose.”
“‘Course,” Rose echoed. “C’mon, car’s almost here.”
Fifteen minutes later, they were climbing the stairs to Yaz’s and Rose’s place. Yaz had been a little worried, leaving Ace alone in their flat for the better part of a week, but the space was cleaner than they’d left it, with the only real evidence of another inhabitant being a book left facedown on the sofa and a mostly-finished Lego spaceship on the coffee table.
“Ace works today, yeah?” Rose asked.
“Forgot she was living with you,” Penny said, a little out of breath. “Yeah, she should be on the schedule today. Probably.”
“Suppose we can text her that we’re back.” Rose was already pulling out her phone.
“This is a nice place,” Penny added, looking around. “Lots of space. I like your sofa.”
“Rose picked that one out,” Yaz said, glancing at the red upholstery. “Told her she could have the sofa if I could get the curtains.”
“Oh, I like those too,” Penny said, looking towards the window and its dark blue curtains. “Decorating by committee. Not a bad way to go.”
“Only works if your tastes line up,” Rose said. “Yaz is just lucky I didn’t go for the hot pink.”
“I don’t mind hot pink.” Yaz frowned. “Although it might start to hurt my eyes, if you put it in my living room.”
“I’ll save it for the studio,” Rose sighed.
“Isn’t your studio furniture black?” Penny asked.
“Only ‘cause that’s the cheapest,” Yaz said. “Rose has a whole plan for if we get rich and famous.”
“Or just moderately successful,” Rose added. “I don’t mind saving up over time.”
Yaz rolled her eyes. “Okay. Moderately successful.” She glanced at Penny. “Hey, d’you want to sit down?”
Penny jumped. “Oh! Right! Yes, I do, actually.”
“Sofa’s got your name on it,” Yaz joked, already walking over. Penny came with her, and, instead of sitting down normally, flopped backwards over the sofa’s arm, landing halfway across the cushions with her hair flying everywhere. Yaz sat herself down next to Penny’s head, carefully avoiding her hair, and a moment later Rose dropped onto Yaz’s lap, resting her head against her shoulder.
“Hey, Penny,” she said, lifting her foot to tap it against Penny’s arm. “You staying here tonight?”
“Wasn’t planning to,” Penny said. “Do you even have room?”
“Sofa pulls out,” Rose said. “Or we could always try and all fit on my bed.”
“And then you don’t have to get up or down any more stairs today,” Yaz added.
“Definitely a point in favor,” Penny agreed.
“Well, you’re welcome to stay if you’d like,” Rose said.
“Thanks.” Penny grinned at the ceiling. “Evening with Rose and Yaz! Nothing better.”
“As if you haven’t been having evenings with us for a week now,” Yaz teased.
“At least,” Rose added.
“Yeah, but I never saw your flat before,” Penny countered. “It’s different.”
“If you say so,” Yaz said.
“It is!” Penny insisted. “It’s a whole window into how you live your lives. Amazing.”
“I sort of think the studio’s a better window into that,” Rose said. “We don’t really spend much time in here.”
“Still.” Penny kicked her feet. “You chose everything, didn’t you? You chose to live above your shop, and you picked out the sofa and the curtains, and you decided how to arrange the kitchen. That’s all you, isn’t it?”
“Don’t start psychoanalyzing us based on the layout of the kitchen,” Yaz warned.
“Oi, I wasn’t going to go that far,” Penny protested. “It was just an example.”
Rose laughed. “You’re just afraid she’ll find out how completely ridiculous you are about organizing your knives.”
“I’m not ridiculous,” Yaz said. “I just like to know where things are, is all.”
“They would’ve liked you in culinary school,” Penny said. “Me, I never know where my things are. Much more interesting that way. But somehow the instructors never seemed to agree.”
“How’d you even pass your classes?” Yaz asked.
“Oh, I’m brilliant with memorization,” Penny said. “And inventive, and creative. And very good with knives.”
Yaz laughed. “Okay, bighead.”
Penny waved a hand in her direction. “Oi, you asked!”
“It’s all right,” Rose said, grinning. “I think you’re impressive.”
“Brilliant,” Penny said. “Rose is my favorite now. Thanks, Rose.”
Rose stuck out her tongue at Yaz, and Yaz rolled her eyes, smiling despite herself.
By the time Ace came back, Rose had convinced Yaz that Penny absolutely needed to see her favorite soap, and the three of them were well and truly settled on the sofa. Between Yaz’s exhaustion, her comfort at being back home, and the constant stream of talk from the telly, she had been lulled near sleep, and when the door opened, she jolted into alertness, jostling Rose in the process.
“It’s just Ace,” Rose reminded her, reaching for the remote to pause the show.
“Hiya, Ace!” Penny called.
“Oh, you’re back!” Ace rounded the corner into the living room, dropping her backpack to the ground. “Brill. It’s not nearly as fun around here without you all, you know.”
“What, Donna isn’t keeping you entertained?” Penny asked.
“Oh, no, Donna’s been very entertaining,” Ace said. “I got to watch her keep from telling your mum off every single day.” She paused. “Hey, Penny, can I blow her up? Your mum, I mean.”
“No one is blowing anyone up,” Yaz said. “I’m not having any of you wind up in prison.”
“Even if she really deserves it?” Ace prodded.
“No blowing her up.” Penny pushed herself into a sitting position. “Sorry, Ace. Wish I could, but I’ve got this ‘moral code’ I try to live by, and it no longer includes blowing people up. Even if they really deserve it.” She tilted her head to the side. “Besides, I do really like not being in prison.”
Ace slumped onto the sofa. “Okay. Fine.”
“But,” Penny added, “if you promise you won’t blow her up, I’ll make sure it’s your shift when I go in and talk to her.”
Ace’s head snapped up. “You’re going to talk to her?”
Penny nodded. “Think so. Not sure how else to get her to go away.” She frowned. “‘Course, she might not go away anyway, and then it’d all be for nothing. Still, though. Might as well figure out why she’s here.” She glanced at Ace. “And if she puts up a fuss, you can help kick her out.”
“Oh, brilliant.” Ace grinned. “I've always wanted to kick someone out. Back when I worked fast food I was always trying to convince them to let me kick people out, but they never went for it. ‘Customer is always right,’ and all that.”
“We ban people from the bakery sometimes,” Penny said. “You've just got to be around at the right time.” She grinned at Ace. “Next sign of trouble, you're the one I call.”
“Call us, too?” Rose asked. “If there's going to be a takedown, I’m not missing it.”
“‘Course,” Penny said. “Can’t do it without my favorite neighbors, can I?”
“Aw, we’re your favorites?” Yaz grinned. “I’m honored.”
“Oh, don’t flatter yourself too much.” Penny grinned back. “Shopowners next door never even want to talk. Always busy with the shop or something. Imagine!”
“Oh, ‘cause we’re never busy,” Rose muttered, and Yaz laughed.
“Not so busy we don’t have time to make friends,” she said, slinging her arm around Penny’s shoulders. She leaned forward to look at Ace. “Hey, Ace, anything interesting happen here while we were gone?”
Ace shook her head. “Not really.” She paused. “Well, Donna invited me over for dinner every night. Or—” Another pause. “I say ‘invited.’ It’s more that she said she didn’t want me staying all alone and that if I didn’t come for dinner she’d pound down the door.” She looked towards Yaz and Rose. “I didn’t want her to do that to your door.”
“Sounds like Donna,” Penny noted.
“Thanks,” Rose said. “For the door, I mean.”
“Oh, anytime,” Ace replied brightly. “Can’t have you coming back to a broken door.” She glanced at Penny. “Hey, is the professor staying here tonight? Do you need help with the sofa?”
Yaz and Rose exchanged a glance.
“I think we’re all right,” Yaz said.
“Okay,” Ace said. “I’m going to my room for a bit, then.”
“Hang on.” Rose leaned to look at her. “Have you eaten?”
“I’m not hungry yet,” Ace replied. “Oh, and I went shopping, too. I didn’t know what you two needed, but there’s plenty of bread. And I might’ve gotten a little carried away with the biscuits.”
Penny perked up at that. “Biscuits?”
Ace nodded. “Plenty of custard creams,” she said with a grin.
“Oh, brilliant.” Penny pushed herself to her feet, moving to the kitchen with possibly-unwise speed. Once she got there, she stood in the middle of it, staring at the cabinets.
“Top right above the sink,” Ace called. She glanced at Yaz and Rose. “Was that the right place to put them? I saw some chocolate up there—”
“Sure, that works,” Rose said.
Ace beamed. She disappeared into her room.
“Can we keep watching?” Penny asked, flopping back down on the sofa with half a custard cream sticking out of her mouth (and the rest of the package in her hand). “I’m dying to see what happens to that nurse.”
“Oh, you’re going to love it.” Rose hit play.
The rest of the evening was fairly quiet, barring when Ace barrelled through the kitchen to make herself a pile of sandwiches. Yaz tried to offer to make her food— she was cooking for Rose and Penny, anyway— but Ace shook her head before bringing her plate back to her room.
It wasn’t until she got into bed that the full weight of the last week hit Yaz. But the second she sat down next to Penny on the bed, she felt it crash into her, knocking her flat on her back. She let out a long breath, and Rose, busy dealing with her suitcase, glanced over.
“You all right?” she asked.
“I—” Yaz shook her head. “I’ve no idea.” She drew in another breath. Her chest felt heavy. She rolled onto her side, some half-remembered vestige of the first aid course she'd done when she was seventeen. She couldn't tell whether it was helping.
Rose moved to sit on the edge of the bed, running a hand along Yaz’s hair. “What’s wrong?”
Yaz shook her head. “I don’t—” She couldn’t articulate it.
“Oh!” Penny exclaimed, sitting up. “You’re panicking. Are you panicking?”
“Er—” Yaz took stock. “Might be. A little.”
“I’ve got loads of techniques for panicking,” Penny said. “Have you tried chewing gum? I’m sure I’ve got some— or there are pressure points— ‘course, everyone always tells you to breathe deep, but that’s harder than it sounds, really. Still—”
“Penny,” Rose interrupted, quiet laughter in her voice. “It’s all right. You’ve just got to be here, okay?”
Penny stopped in her tracks. “Okay,” she said. There was a shuffling behind Yaz, and then she felt a hand on her shoulder, the touch surprisingly delicate.
“Thanks,” Yaz breathed. She squeezed her eyes shut. “I wasn’t expecting it to be like this.”
“‘Course it’s like this,” Rose said. “After the week you’ve had and all.”
“I didn’t want—” Yaz felt tears coming to her eyes. She tried to hold them back, but of course the tears had other ideas. “I don’t know. I was hoping I’d feel better than this.”
Rose shifted until she was lying down in front of Yaz, her hand still brushing through Yaz’s hair. She pressed a kiss to Yaz’s forehead. “Better to feel it than to push it all down,” she said.
“What if I like pushing it down?” Yaz grumbled.
Rose laughed. “Suppose that’s your choice, isn’t it?”
Yaz sighed. “Maybe I just need to go to sleep.”
“Sleep is good,” Penny said. “At least, that what Donna always tells me. I’m sure it applies here too.”
“Definitely,” Rose agreed. “Everyone good if I turn off the light?”
Yaz nodded. A couple seconds later, the room went dark, and Rose’s arm landed on Yaz’s waist. Yaz froze for a moment, suddenly uncertain, and then her muscles began to relax. She wasn’t necessarily feeling better, but at least she was comfortable, and in her own home, and with people who cared about her, and things weren’t actively getting worse.
When I Run Away (You're Who I Run To): Chapter 25 (for real this time)
main post
read on ao3
Word Count (Chapter): 3,215
NOTES: thank you to everyone who told me i'd uploaded the wrong chapter at midnight. this should be the right one. it's got one of my favorite yaz-sonya interactions too 😭
Fifteen minutes later, Yaz got back to the hotel room with three orders of fish and chips to find Penny and Rose once again watching Love Island on Rose’s laptop, leaning against the headboard and each other with the computer propped up on pillows in front of them.
“Oi, make room,” Yaz said, sitting at the edge of the bed next to Penny. Penny and Rose moved over, and Yaz settled in, passing Rose and Penny their food.
“You’re like a superhero or something,” Rose said. “Bringing us chips, and all.”
Yaz laughed. “Right, using my amazing superpowers to walk half a block down the street.”
“Don’t underrate it,” Penny said, her mouth already full. She jabbed the air with a half-eaten chip. “It’s a real skill.”
“The Amazing Yasmin,” Rose agreed, nodding along. “Able and willing to walk half a block at a moment’s notice.”
“I’ll take anything that gives me a cool title.” Yaz peered at the laptop screen. “Do I need context for this?”
“Nah,” Rose said. “You’ll figure it out.”
Yaz raised her eyebrows. “If you say so.”
As she settled in, though, she found herself not paying much attention to the show. They were still on the series she and Rose had already seen, for one thing— and for another, Penny started talking about astronomy halfway through the episode, going off on some tangent Yaz barely understood but found herself completely fascinated by. When the episode ended, she kept going, until finally she stopped to catch her breath and said, “That was exhausting. Why’d you let me go on that long?”
Yaz couldn’t help but laugh. “I like when you go on that long,” she said. “It’s interesting.”
“It’s exhausting,” Penny said again. “Although stars are worth it, don’t you think?” She slid down on the bed, resting her head in Rose’s lap. Rose leaned forward to play the next episode of the show, and Yaz let her hand rest on Penny’s arm, her fingers drifting absently along the fabric of Penny’s shirt. When Rose sat back again, she took advantage of Penny’s new position to scoot closer to Yaz, wrapping an arm around her waist, and Yaz let her head fall to Rose’s shoulder. Slowly, Penny started to relax, until finally Yaz thought she’d fallen asleep— something that was proven wrong seconds later when Penny somehow managed to wiggle closer to both of them.
“All right?” Rose asked quietly.
“Yeah,” Penny said. She took a few slow breaths. “Not really used to this.”
“Used to what?” Yaz asked.
Penny lifted a hand, waving it vaguely in the air. “All this touch.”
“D’you need us to back off?” Yaz’s hand hung frozen above Penny’s arm.
Penny reached up and pulled Yaz’s hand back down to her shoulder, pressing her own hand against it. “Definitely not.”
Yaz hummed. “You’ll say something if you’re uncomfortable, right?”
“To be honest,” Penny said, “I think you'll know.”
They got through two more episodes of Love Island before Sonya texted Yaz’s phone, asking where she was. Penny seemed to have been drifting in and out of sleep, although Yaz couldn’t quite tell: she could just feel Penny’s body relaxing, see her eyes vaguely focusing on the show, hear her breath coming out in small puffs. When Yaz's phone buzzed, she seemed to stir, and Yaz brushed her hand across her hair.
“It's just my sister,” she said. “Wondering where we've been.” She tapped awkwardly at the keyboard with her left thumb, not moving her right hand from Penny’s hair.
Yaz: Don't see how that's any of your business
Sonya: k
Sonya: tell ur blondes we're eating soon
Yaz: …
Yaz: My blondes?
Sonya: yah what else do u call them
Yaz: …Rose and Penny
Sonya: sry too long
Yaz: You know they’re not even natural blondes right
Sonya: yeah thats worse
Sonya: they *chose* it
Yaz: Whatever
Out loud, she said, “Penny, are you up for tea with my family?”
Penny rolled to flop on her back, hair spreading out. “Tea at Yaz's? Always up for tea at Yaz's.” She hesitated, her face scrunching up. “Well, that's not true. Not always up for anything. But I’m up for it today.”
Yaz laughed. “We can leave early, all right? I’ll just tell them I'm overwhelmed or something.”
“You don't have to throw yourself under the bus like that,” Penny said.
“The getting thrown under the bus happened all the times I had panic attacks at holidays,” Yaz said. “In the mosque, even. They won't question it if I say I've got to go. Really.”
“We need a code word,” Rose said. “It’ll be obvious, won’t it, if Penny says she’s got to go and then you start saying something about your panic attacks?” She grinned, tongue peeking out. “Plus, everything’s more fun if you add a code word.”
“All right,” Yaz said. “What’s the word?”
“Pears,” Penny said. “Hate pears. Would never mention ‘em unless I was desperate.”
“Oh, I like pears,” Rose said.
Penny turned her head to glare at her. “You take that back.”
“Oh, all right.” Rose raised her hands in defeat. “Pears are terrible. I never eat them.”
“Yeah, that’s right.” Penny sat up. “Never eat a pear. Quick road to regret, that is.”
“Looks like we've got our code word, then,” Yaz said, carefully not mentioning that she didn't really mind pears either. “Come on, let's get ready.”
Half an hour later, they were back at the Khans’, squeezing onto the sofa with plates of food. Penny had gotten herself further into Yaz's dad’s good graces by not only being willing to try his pakora but also enjoying it greatly. Yaz, Sonya, Rose, and even Nadira stared in shock as she ate one in one bite.
“Yaz, your dad needs to tell me his secrets,” she said.
“Don’t think it’s a secret,” Yaz said mildly. “I’m pretty sure the second you ask he’ll start making a little cookbook.”
“Oh, I’d like a little cookbook.” Penny stuffed half of another pakora into her mouth. “D’you think he’d take one from me? I keep one around, you know. Mostly for Graham. And Ace, too, now. Was considering getting one printed all nice for her, ‘cause she’s learning and all. And the one we’ve got is sort of falling apart. Could do one for your dad, if he wanted.”
“I’m sure Dad would love that,” Yaz told her. “Ace too, probably.”
Penny beamed.
It was after the meal, when everyone was just sitting around, that things began to go… well, it felt rude to say “pear-shaped,” considering. What happened was that Nadira, out of nowhere, decided to say pears were her favorite fruit, which caused Penny to immediately start ranting about how much she hated pears, except halfway through a sentence she froze, glanced at Yaz and Rose, and finished the phrase, “Never, ever eat…” with, “...that fruit.”
Yaz forced herself not to laugh, which got harder as Penny kept going, working herself up more and more without once saying the word “pears.”
“D’you really like that texture?” She wrinkled her nose. “Absolutely the worst texture. Possibly of all time. And why are they shaped like that?”
“I like the shape!” Nadira protested.
Penny shook her head. “It's pointless. Honestly.”
Rose laughed, bumping her shoulder against Penny’s. “No one's forcing you to eat them, you know.”
“I know!” But Penny looked so petulant that Yaz had to laugh.
“You like Uncle Hakim’s pakora,” Nadira pointed out. “Your taste is way worse than mine.”
“She's got you there,” Yaz said.
“Just ‘cause you all have no taste—” Penny shook her head. She flopped over, lying across Rose’s lap, and Rose laughed, brushing her hand through Penny’s hair.
“You about ready to go?” she asked, affection in her tone.
“Maybe,” Penny admitted. “I'm tired.”
“Yeah, time to go.” Yaz stood up. “See you tomorrow, Nadira?”
Nadira nodded. “Bye!”
Rose helped Penny to her feet, and Yaz went to tell her parents they were leaving. A few minutes later, the three of them trooped out together.
“Great job avoiding your code word,” Rose snickered once they were in the elevator. “Think the Khans think you hate pears so much you won't even say the word.”
“You know what?” Penny tilted her head to the side. “They’re right. I do. Just decided.”
Yaz and Rose both laughed.
The bus ride to the hotel was short, but Penny was still half-asleep against Yaz’s shoulder by the time they got there. Yaz had to poke her as they approached their stop, and even then Penny resisted for a few seconds, her head drooping.
“C’mon,” Yaz said. “If you get off the bus, you can do this in a proper bed.”
“If you say so,” Penny mumbled. But she did push herself to her feet— with some help from Rose— and they got off the bus and into the hotel.
Penny flopped onto the bed the second they got back to their room. Yaz glanced around: Penny’s pajamas were in a pile next to her suitcase. Yaz plucked them off the ground and tossed them in her direction.
“In case you wanted to be comfortable.”
“Thanks.” Penny sat up, wriggling to get her trousers off without standing up. Yaz turned away, picking her own pajamas up off the floor before sitting at the edge of the bed, waiting for Rose to get out of the bathroom. She pulled out her phone, mostly just to fiddle with in the meantime, but then she saw the date. Are looked back at Penny, now in her pajamas and flopping back on the bed.
“Penny,” she said. “It's Friday. Did we miss your Shabbat?”
Penny sat up. “Oh, no! I forgot about Friday!”
“We don't have candles,” Yaz said. “Not sure the hotel would want us lighting anything in here, anyway. But I could probably find bread.”
“No, that's all right,” Penny said. “There's a livestream, though. Of the services. If you want.”
“It's more about what you want,” Yaz pointed out, already reaching for her laptop. “Considering it's your religion, and all that.” She opened the laptop and pulled up a new window. “What do I search?”
Penny reached out a hand. “Can I—?”
“Go ahead.” Yaz leaned back and watched as Penny typed into the search bar and then clicked the first result, navigating to the stream.
“I'm a bit late,” she said, turning up the volume. Singing echoed from the computer. Yaz realized with a start that the Hebrew prayers were starting to sound familiar to her— not as familiar as the Arabic she'd grown up with, of course, but friendly nonetheless.
The bathroom door opened, and Yaz stood, gathering up her clothes. She smiled as she passed Rose, and Rose grabbed her hand, tugging her in for a quick kiss. Yaz’s smile grew, and Rose grinned back.
“Oi, get a room!” Penny shouted from the bed.
“Don’t know if you’ve noticed,” Rose said, stepping away, “but this is the room.”
Penny rolled her eyes. “You’re disrupting the service.”
“She’s watching a livestream of her Shabbat service,” Yaz explained.
Understanding dawned on Rose’s face. “Oh, did we forget about Friday?”
Yaz nodded.
“You can join if you like,” Penny said, her eyes focused on the screen. “I’ve got the prayers on my phone and everything.”
“Yeah, all right.” Rose stepped over to the bed, and Yaz entered the bathroom to change.
The next day was their last in Sheffield. Yaz visited the hospital with Sonya, and then she and Rose and Penny went back to the Khans’ flat for the evening. Nadira and her mum had gone, which meant more space for everyone, at the cost of blanket forts and silly games. They even managed to squeeze in two more chairs at the table for Penny and Rose, who sat on either side of Yaz, their elbows knocking against hers. Yaz felt bolstered, somewhat, having them both here: there was a warmth she wasn’t used to feeling at this table. Even when her parents started commenting on how long it had been since she’d come home, and why did it take a medical emergency to get her back, Yaz managed to be unbothered.
“Can’t get away from work,” was all she said. “You know, you could come see the shop sometime.”
“Ooh, can I come?” Sonya asked.
“‘Course you can. We’ve got a pull-out couch.”
Sonya narrowed her eyes. “I thought you had a kid on the couch.”
“She’s in my room,” Yaz said.
“Oh, right, ‘cause you and Rose are close enough to share.”
To her horror, Yaz could feel her cheeks heating up. “Yeah, until Ace gets out, anyway.”
“What, you don’t want to share with me?” Rose teased.
Yaz gave her a look. “Stop ganging up on me.”
“What’s this about a kid?” Yaz’s dad asked.
Yaz sighed. “One of Penny’s employees needed a place to stay for a bit,” she said. “Her name is Ace, she’s sixteen, and she’s sleeping in my room until we find her something permanent.”
“And you’re sharing with Rose,” Sonya sang.
“Shut up!”
“No, this is very entertaining,” Penny said, stuffing half a roti into her mouth. “Please, keep talking.”
“She needed help, and we helped her,” Yaz said. “She’s nice, she’s quiet, she’s promised not to blow anything up. Don’t know how much more there is to say.”
Yaz’s mum, though, was looking from Yaz to Rose with narrowed eyes. “What’s going on between you two?”
Yaz wished she could’ve disappeared right then and there.
“Technically,” Penny observed, eyeing the spot where Yaz’s shoulder was pressed against Rose’s, “there’s nothing between them. Unless you count their clothes, of course. Which I wouldn’t, for the purposes of the argument.”
“I like that answer,” Yaz said. “Thanks, Penny.”
Penny grinned. “Anytime.”
“Anyway,” Yaz added, “are you saying I can’t share a room with a friend in a pinch? ‘Cause I’ll have you know, I’ll share with anyone in the right circumstance.”
“It’s not just that,” her mum said. “You’re acting different.”
Yaz frowned. “Yeah, well, my nan almost died.” But her mum had always had an uncanny eye for Yaz’s relationships. Why was she even trying to hide?
Sure enough, there was a knowing look in her mum’s eye. “It’s not just that,” she said again.
“Fine,” Yaz said, slumping back in her chair. Her fork hit the plate with a clatter. “We’re together.” She felt Rose’s hand meet hers under the table, their fingers intertwining—when she looked over, Rose was looking at her with nothing but quiet understanding. Yaz managed a small smile.
“Yasmin, that’s brilliant!” her dad exclaimed. “When did this happen?”
“And why didn’t you tell us?” Sonya added.
“I did tell you,” Yaz said to Sonya. To her dad, she added, “And it’s only been a few weeks.” She paused. “And I don’t want anyone to ask me invasive questions about it.”
“I wasn’t going to be invasive,” her mum protested.
Yaz raised her eyebrows.
Her mum sighed. “Fine. But you can’t blame me for wondering. I feel like I know so little about what you get up to.”
“Mostly it’s just giving people tattoos,” Yaz said. “Ask Sonya to show you my Instagram, if you really want to know.” She shrugged. “You’ve met Rose and Penny. That’s most of my social life covered.”
“Still,” her mum said. “A call once in a while wouldn’t go amiss.”
Yaz rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah.”
“Hey, does anyone want to see my new laptop?” Sonya interjected. Yaz shot her a grateful look.
Half an hour later, Yaz, Rose, and Penny were on the bus back to the hotel, Yaz having talked her dad out of driving them. She liked the bus, anyway, all the people shuffling on and off, the warm haze of city lights in the darkness. Rose was still holding her hand, thumb moving reassuringly across her skin, and Yaz leaned her head back against the window with a sigh.
“That could’ve been worse,” she said.
“They didn’t even bring up the gay thing,” Penny observed.
“From what Sonya said before,” Yaz said, “I don’t think the gay thing was a surprise.” She frowned. “Not sure how I feel about that.”
“Oh, yeah?” Rose asked.
Yaz shrugged. “I don’t like that they figured that out about me,” she said. “Before I knew it about myself. But it’s better than if they’d been weird about it, right?”
“Technically,” Penny said. “But it’s still weird when people know you like that. Especially when you don’t want them to.”
“I always thought coming out was supposed to be this big moment,” Yaz said. “I didn’t really want it to be like that, either, if I’m being honest. But I don’t like this, either.”
“You wouldn’t’ve told them, if no one had said anything,” Rose said.
Yaz sighed. “No. I wouldn’t have.” She let her head fall onto Rose’s shoulder. “Wish it was easier.”
Rose squeezed her hand.
The bus pulled up to their stop, and they got off, walking in near silence back to the hotel. It was Yaz’s turn, tonight, to fall onto the bed the moment they got back. Rose and Penny settled on either side of her, Rose’s hand brushing through her hair.
“Can’t wait to go home tomorrow,” Yaz said. “I miss London.”
Rose hummed. “Remember when we met and you still couldn’t stop comparing everything to Sheffield?”
“I know,” Yaz groaned. “I’ve gone native.”
Rose laughed. “We’ll make a Londoner of you yet.” She nudged Yaz. “Anyway, don’t know if this is the time, but I keep meaning to ask. Can I tell my mum I’m seeing someone?”
“Sure,” Yaz said. She frowned. “Not going to say who?”
“Thought I’d keep it a surprise,” Rose said. “Funnier that way. I say I’m seeing someone, she tells me to bring them round for tea, I show up with you.”
Yaz laughed. “All right, then,” she said. “I like your mum.”
“You’re out to her already?” Penny asked.
Rose laughed. “Didn’t get a choice, did I? Fifteen years old, she walks in on me kissing Clara Oswald from the year above me. Hard to go back in the closet after something like that.” She paused. “I’m sure you’ll meet her eventually. My mum, not Clara Oswald.”
“It’s only fair,” Penny joked. “Now you’ve met my mum and all.”
“Did we ever come up with a plan for if she’s still there when we get back?” Rose asked.
Penny sighed. “Think I’ve got to talk to her. See what she wants.”
“Penny—” Yaz began, but Penny cut her off.
“I don’t know how else to get rid of her.” Her voice broke. “If I don’t talk to her— she’s just going to keep coming after me.” She swallowed. “I don’t know what she wants. I haven’t spoken to her in years.”
“Will you feel better?” Rose asked, her voice quiet. “If you find out?”
“I don’t know.” Penny sounded exhausted. “Maybe. If it helps me figure out how to get rid of her.”
“We’ll be there with you,” Yaz said. “If you want to talk to her.”
“You don’t have to—”
“Yes, we do,” Rose said. “You’re our friend.”
Penny let out a long breath. “Thank you,” she breathed.
They went straight to the hospital from the hotel the next morning, stopping just long enough to get breakfast. Yaz’s mum had had to go back to work, and so had Sonya; her aunts were planning to stop by a little later, but for now it was just Yaz, with Penny and Rose by her side. The woman working the front desk let them back into the halls, and now they were walking towards Yaz’s nan’s room, all three hand-in-hand. At the door, Yaz dropped Penny’s hand so she could knock and call out, “Nani, it’s Yaz.”
“Yasmin!” her nan’s voice called back. “Come in!”
Yaz pushed the door open and poked her head in. “I’ve got Rose and Penny with me,” she said. “You up for new people?”
“Of course I am.” As Yaz pushed the door further open, her nan added, “I’m bored to pieces in here, Yasmin. Anything new is a real kindness.”
“All right, then.” Yaz stepped inside, Rose and Penny coming in after her. Rose pulled chairs closer to the bed, and the three of them sat down.
“How are you feeling?” Yaz asked.
“Better than I was,” her nan said. “Worse than I’d like.” She looked to Rose. “It’s good to see you again. Still taking good care of my granddaughter?”
Yaz sighed. “Nani.”
“Only the best for our Yasmin,” Rose promised, grinning at Yaz.
Yaz rolled her eyes. “Nani, you didn’t meet Penny yet.”
Penny raised a hand, her movements disjointed and tense. “Hiya.”
“Lovely to meet you,” Yaz’s nan said. To Yaz, she added, “And how do you know each other?”
“Penny works across the street,” Yaz explained. “She’s got a bakery.”
“And Yaz gave me a tattoo,” Penny added.
“Only after you started haunting our shop,” Rose pointed out.
“Yeah, I don’t know if that counts as part of the ‘how we met’ story,” Yaz said.
“I wish I could see your shop,” her nan said. “But—” She gave a rueful laugh. “I’m not sure much more travel is in my future.”
Yaz pulled out her phone. “That’s all right. I’ve got plenty of pictures.” She opened up her gallery, swiping through until she got to the pictures from their opening event. She swiped through, showing her nan the waiting area, Rose’s studio, her studio, her station, the flash sheets, a tower of jewelry, a selfie of her and Rose by the door. She swiped again to a picture of a tattoo— Penny’s tattoo, she realized, the green clover.
“Oh, right,” she said. “That’s the one I did on Penny.” She glanced over at her nan. “One of Rose’s.”
“It looks good,” her nan said. “You’re both very talented.”
Yaz swiped through a few more pictures of tattoos from that day—all small flash tattoos, of course, but she couldn’t resist showing off all the same. Her nan had always been supportive of her career, even when her parents were still skeptical. Most of the family had come around by now, or at least accepted they couldn’t stop Yaz from doing what she wanted, but Yaz’s nan had been in her corner from the start.
“They’re lovely,” she said as Yaz put her phone away. “Thank you for showing me.”
“Thanks for looking,” Yaz said with half a smile. She glanced over at Rose and Penny. Penny’s leg was bouncing, and Rose had a hand on her arm. “You all right?” Yaz asked.
“Might have to go,” Penny said. “If that’s all right.”
“‘Course it is,” Yaz said. “You know it is.”
Penny nodded. She stood up. “It was nice meeting you, er—Yaz’s nan.”
“Umbreen,” Yaz’s nan corrected.
“Right. Umbreen.” Penny swallowed. “Would love to talk to you again sometime.” She swallowed. “Maybe not in a hospital. I’m much better when we’re not in a hospital.”
“I’m doing my best,” Yaz’s nan replied, smiling.
“Oh. Yeah. Sorry.” For a moment, Penny swayed, looking lost, and then Rose stood up and took her hand.
“We’ll be just outside,” she said to Yaz.
Yaz nodded.
“See you later?” Rose added to Yaz’s nan.
“Of course, love.”
Rose led Penny out the door, wrapping an arm around her waist in support. Yaz watched them go.
“Is she all right?” her nan asked.
“I think so,” Yaz said. “I don’t think she likes hospitals very much.”
“Well, I can understand that.” Her nan laughed. “You’ll have to bring her back when I’m better, beti.”
“You get better first,” Yaz replied. She was trying to smile, but belatedly she realized there were tears in her eyes.
“Oh, love, I plan on it.” Her nan smiled. “You know they’re saying they might let me out next week.”
“That’s good.” Yaz swallowed, determined not to cry. “Maybe I can come visit you on the weekend. Make it a day trip.”
“I’d like that,” her nan said. “If you aren’t too busy.”
“I don’t think I am.” Yaz closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath. “I’m glad you’re going to be okay.”
Her nan reached out and took her hand. “Me too.”
Yaz smiled. She opened her eyes, glancing down at their hands. “There’s—” She hesitated. “I wanted to tell you something.”
“Yes?”
“I—” Yaz shook her head. “I don’t know if I know how to say it.”
“Take your time,” her nan said, redoubling her grip on Yaz’s hand.
Yaz nodded. “It’s—it’s about Rose.”
“Oh, what about her?” her nan asked. “She’s all right, isn’t she?”
“‘Course,” Yaz said. “She’s amazing. She’s—” She closed her eyes again. “She’s my girlfriend.”
For a long moment, there was silence. Yaz’s heart was in her throat: she didn’t dare open her eyes, terrified of seeing disappointment in her nan’s expression.
“Oh, Yasmin,” her nan finally said, and Yaz did open her eyes now, only to see her nan looking at her with immense love. “That’s wonderful. I always knew you’d find someone.”
Something in Yaz’s chest relaxed, and once it did, she realized she’d been holding that tension as long as she could remember, long enough that she hadn’t even known it was there until it was gone. She laughed to be rid of it, her relief pouring out of her. “Yeah,” she said. “Should’ve known it would be Rose.”
“I did wonder,” her nan admitted. “You bringing her to all our gatherings. Celebrating all our holidays with us.”
“That was a mutual exchange,” Yaz protested. “I went to her holidays too.”
Her nan laughed. “Still,” she said. “The two of you have always gone well together.”
“Yeah,” Yaz said, her voice softening as she remembered the first time she’d brought Rose to celebrate Eid al-Fitr with the family. They’d had half the extended family piled into their tiny flat all day, and when Yaz had started to tense up and lose her speech, Rose had claimed a need for fresh air before taking her hand and leading her out the door, bringing down the stairs to sit on the curb outside the flats. It had helped, immediately and immensely, to be out in the cool evening air away from her family, and Yaz had clung to Rose’s hand as she had gulped down big breaths, waiting until she was ready to go back inside. Any other year, she would’ve wound up hiding her breakdown until she was alone in bed, curling in on herself and trying not to sob loud enough to be heard. But that year, she had avoided it entirely, just by having Rose there to take her outside and hold her hand.
“How long have you been dating?” her nan asked, and Yaz snapped back to the present.
“Not very long,” she said. “A week?”
“But you’re serious about her,” her nan guessed, and Yaz nodded.
“She’s liked me for years,” she said. “I was the slow one.”
“Not slow,” her nan protested. “Just thoughtful.”
Yaz smiled. That was what her nan had said anytime it took her a little longer to pick something up as a kid: and it was true, in a way. She liked to think things through, when she could, and sometimes she realized she’d been thinking something through subconsciously for years, and only now was becoming aware of it. That was what it felt like with Rose.
“Just thoughtful,” she agreed. She took a deep breath. “I haven’t told Mum or Dad. Just Sonya.”
“Your secret’s safe with me,” her nan promised. She squeezed Yaz’s hand. “I love you, beti. No matter what.”
Yaz smiled. “Thanks.”
“And Rose is as much a part of this family as you are. You know that.”
“Thank you,” Yaz said again. She took a deep breath. “I love you, Nani.”
“I know.” Her nan smiled. “Now perhaps you’d better go check on your friend.”
Yaz glanced at the door. “You’ll be all right?” she asked.
“Just as long as you come back tomorrow,” her nan said.
“Of course,” Yaz said. “We’re leaving Sunday.” She frowned. “Hang on. Is today Friday?”
“Do I look like I know which day it is?”
Yaz laughed. “Sorry. It’s just two more days. We’ve got to get back to open the shop on Tuesday.” She hesitated. “I’ll call you, though. And I can come back next weekend.”
“That would be lovely,” her nan said.
Yaz nodded. “See you tomorrow, then,” she said.
“Tomorrow.”
Yaz left the room, making her way through to the waiting room and then down and out the door through which they’d come in. She scanned the area for Rose and Penny— she found them sitting on a bench a little way down the sidewalk. She walked over to join them, dropping down next to Penny.
“How's your nan?” Rose asked.
“She's okay,” Yaz said. She looked down at her hands. “I said I’d be back tomorrow.”
“Yaz, you didn't leave ‘cause of me, did you?” Penny asked. “You didn't have to—”
Yaz nudged her. “Oi, not everything’s about you, bighead.” She paused. “Did want to check on you, though. You all right?”
“Yeah.” Penny took a deep breath. “Sorry.”
Yaz reached for her hand. “It's okay.” She looked from Penny to Rose. “C’mon. Let’s go.” She stood up, holding out a hand to help up Penny. Penny took it, pulling herself to her feet, swaying for a moment until she got her cane under her. They walked together to the bus stop; they only had to wait a couple minutes for the bus to come, and Rose helped Penny step up onto the floor. Miraculously— or maybe just because it was midday on a Friday— there were three empty seats in a row, and Yaz, Penny, and Rose took them, Penny hunched over in the middle. Rose wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and Yaz took her hand, interlacing their fingers. She held on, firm and steady, until the bus pulled up at their stop and Penny needed the hand for her cane. They walked down the street to the hotel, and through the halls, and then they were back in their room.
Penny stood for a moment, swaying, staring at nothing. She looked lost. Quickly, Yaz wrapped an arm around her waist and walked her over to the bed: she sat down on the edge, and Yaz and Rose sat on either side of her. For a moment, none of them spoke: Yaz looked at Penny, and Penny looked down at her hands, twisting them together.
“Sorry,” she finally said, glancing up at Rose, then Yaz. “I didn’t think I’d react like that.” She looked down again. “I’m supposed to be over it by now.”
Yaz bumped her shoulder. “You know that’s not how these things work.”
“Thought maybe there’d been a miracle or something,” Penny muttered.
“You know that’s not how it works either,” Rose said.
“Can’t I want it to?” Penny asked, looking up at the ceiling.
“‘Course you can.” Rose leaned her head on Penny’s shoulder. “No one wants to have to deal with— whatever you’re dealing with.”
“It’s just stuff from when I was a kid,” Penny explained. “My mum—” She cut herself off. “I’m adopted,” she said abruptly. “Don’t know who my birth parents are. Could probably find out. Don’t know if I want to.”
Neither Yaz nor Rose spoke. They just waited, the quiet hanging over them as Penny found her words.
“Mum’s a medical researcher,” Penny said. “Respected, too.” She let out a breath. “Tried to get her license revoked once. Turns out she’s got friends in high places.” She frowned. “Sorry. Burying the lede.”
“It’s okay,” Yaz said. She took Penny’s hand again. “You don’t have to tell us this, you know.”
“No, it’s—” Penny swallowed. “You’ve been helping me with— with so much— and you don’t even know why.” She took a deep breath. “I’ve got—it’s a genetic mutation. Don’t remember when she found it. Might’ve been too young. But it’s like—” She hesitated. Her grip on Yaz’s hand tightened. “It gives me some immunity. To viruses, and the like. She wanted to study it.”
“No.” The reaction was involuntary: Yaz had put it all together, everything Penny had said, and the picture that was beginning to form in her mind was horrifying.
Penny nodded. Tears were starting to fall down her face now, and Yaz couldn’t help but wrap both arms around her, pulling closer. Penny grabbed at her arm, her shoulders shaking. “She—she said I was helping? Said if she could figure out what made me this way, she could use it in medicine—” She swallowed again. “Used to feel all—all important—”
Yaz could see it too well—little Penny, sitting in an exam room, grinning at a faceless figure in a white coat.
“‘Course, that didn’t last long,” Penny added. “No one likes to be all poked and prodded. And then I got away as a teenager, and now I’m here.”
“Skipped a few steps there,” Rose joked.
“Oi, can’t be expected to rehash all the traumatic backstory at once, can I?” Penny shot back, lifting her head. Her voice was still tenuous, like it could snap and shatter at any second— but she was joking, and that was good.
“Definitely not,” Yaz said. She started to pull back, but Penny redoubled her grip on her arm, and so Yaz stayed put.
“Sorry,” Penny added. “Didn’t mean to just— dump all that on you.”
“I’m glad you did,” Rose said. “Gives us context, doesn’t it?” She reached for one of Penny’s hands, pulling it away from Yaz’s arm to rest on her thigh. “We want to help you.”
“Yeah. Thanks.” Penny let out a long breath. “I think for now I sort of want to never think about it again. If that’s all right with you.”
“Of course,” Yaz said. She pulled away again, and Penny let her this time, letting go of her arm. “What do you want to do? We can stay here all day, if you want.”
“Maybe just for a bit,” Penny said. “I don’t know if you wanted to go see your family—”
“Might go for tea later,” Yaz said. “But you don’t have to come. I’ll just say you were tired or something.”
“You’ll be right about that,” Penny sighed. She glanced at Yaz. “I might be able to go later. If I get some rest before then.”
“You don’t have to,” Yaz said.
Penny shrugged. “I like your family.”
“If you say so.” Yaz paused. “There’s definitely time to rest before then, anyway. Anyone else hungry?”
“Yes,” Rose said.
Yaz got up. “Right. Chips okay?”
“Love chips,” Penny said.
“Sounds amazing,” Rose agreed.
Yaz nodded. “Be right back, then,” she said. She stepped away from the bed and out into the hall.
They took the bus to the hospital. Sonya found a seat, and Yaz stood next to her, holding a pole: there were plenty of empty seats, but she preferred to stand.
“So,” Sonya said, once the bus had started moving, “what's the deal with you and Penny?”
Yaz stared. “What?”
“You know.” Sonya waved a hand. “Are you two, like— together?”
“What? Why?”
“That's not a no,” Sonya sang.
Yaz rolled her eyes. “No, we're not together. Why?”
“‘Cause you brought her here,” Sonya said. “And usually when someone brings a stranger to visit family, it means they’re dating. Especially when the occasion is your beloved grandmother having a heart attack. And usually you just bring Rose, and if you insist you're not dating her—”
“I told you,” Yaz said. “We're helping Penny out.”
“Please.” Sonya leveled Yaz with a look. “I know you better than that.”
“Can't I have friends?”
Sonya raised her eyebrows.
“Fine,” Yaz said, giving up and swinging herself down into the seat next to Sonya. “I'm not dating Penny. But I am dating Rose.”
Sonya pumped her fist in the air. “Yes! I knew it!” She looked at Yaz. “I've been trying to get Mum and Dad in on a betting pool about you two for years. ‘Cause Mum thought you were together, and Dad thought you were friends, and I said you were into each other but you didn't know it yet.”
Yaz let out a breath. Of course Sonya had seen it. Too well, maybe.
“Hang on,” Sonya said, leaning in. “Was I right?”
“Rose knew,” Yaz said. “Took me longer.”
“You always were a bit thick.”
Yaz elbowed her. “Oi. Who's the one who got dumped and thought she and the guy were still dating for another month?”
“Low blow,” Sonya huffed. “Anyway, I was a teenager. And it’s not my fault he was a pushover.”
“Just saying. I’m not the only one who’s a bit oblivious.” Yaz smiled. “And mine ended in an actual relationship. So—”
“I got an actual relationship,” Sonya said. “Just not with Dev. Which, I repeat, was when I was fifteen.”
Yaz grinned at her. “Whatever you say.”
Sonya settled back against her seat, shaking her head. After another second, she nudged Yaz. “You know I’m happy for you, right?”
Yaz looked at her.
“I mean, you've got people,” Sonya said. “And a shop, and a place, and everything.” She shrugged. “Used to be mad that you left. But you seem really happy.”
“I am,” Yaz admitted, her voice quiet. She glanced sideways at Sonya, a grin appearing on her face. “And I didn't even tell you about the sixteen-year-old we’ve got living at our flat.”
Sonya’s jaw dropped. “The what?”
Yaz laughed. “She works for Penny,” she explained. “Had a bad mum, ran away, didn't have anywhere to go.”
“‘Course you would wind up housing runaways,” Sonya said.
Yaz shrugged. “We'll find her someplace else to live eventually. But she's not a bad roommate.”
“If you like sharing with teenagers.”
“She's responsible,” Yaz insisted. “‘Course, she does make a hobby of blowing things up—”
“What?”
“You know,” Yaz said. “Dynamite. Bombs. That sort of thing.” She grinned at Sonya, relishing—even under the circumstances—the opportunity to mess with her sister. She’d missed it. “We don’t really worry about it.”
“Honestly, Yaz, I don’t know what to believe from you anymore.”
“Oi, you know I don’t lie.” She didn’t, most of the time.
“Whatever,” Sonya said. She nodded towards the window, her expression growing pensive. “Almost our stop.”
Their mum met them at the hospital entrance. When Yaz and Sonya got into their nan’s room, both their aunts were there, sitting next to the bed; they moved their chairs over so Yaz and Sonya could stand next to their nan.
“Yasmin!” Yaz’s aunt Iman called. “Sonya! We were just talking about you.”
“Oh, no,” Yaz said.
“Nothing bad,” her aunt Karima assured her. “We were just remembering your nani’s sixtieth birthday.”
Yaz frowned. She would’ve been five years old at the time, but she was fairly certain she remembered the occasion. At the very least, it had been retold enough times that she felt like she remembered it, whether or not the actual event had made it into her long-term memory. “Isn’t that the one where—”
“You and Sonya knocked over the cake,” her nan said, laughter in her voice. “Running around, getting in fights. Your poor mum.”
“Your poor mum indeed,” Yaz’s mum said, shaking her head.
“Don’t blame me,” Sonya said. “Yaz is older. She’s the one who should’ve known better.”
Yaz rolled her eyes. “I’ll have you all know, it’s been twenty-five years since I’ve knocked over anyone’s birthday cake.”
Everyone laughed.
“And let us hope it stays that way,” her nan said.
Yaz and Sonya passed the next few hours in the hospital room. Their nan seemed as alert as ever, if a little tired—and Yaz had forgotten how much she really did enjoy being around her aunts. There was a familiar bright and warm energy that time with her family could bring, even gathered around a hospital bed, and Yaz had missed it more than she realized.
Finally, though, their nan grew tired, and the nurses ushered them quietly out of the room.
“Everyone come back to ours,” Yaz’s mum said. “I’m sure Hakim’s made more food than we could handle.”
“You got lucky with that one,” Yaz’s aunt Iman said.
“You say that now,” Yaz’s mum replied, with the small smile she always used to talk about her husband. “Wait ‘til you try the food.”
The five of them loaded onto the bus. This time, there really weren’t enough seats, and Yaz and Sonya both stood, shoved in a little too close to their seated mum and aunts. Yaz didn’t say much, content to listen to her family’s idle gossip as they rode back to Park Hill.
They opened the door to the flat to find a blanket fort spread across the living room, Nadira’s little feet poking out one end. Penny and Rose were nowhere to be seen, and Yaz couldn’t hold back her smile.
“Anyone else in there?” she called.
One of the blankets shifted, and then Penny’s head poked out from the top of the blanket. “Hi, Yaz, Yaz’s family!”
“Hiya.” Yaz moved to lean against the back of the sofa. “Been busy?”
Penny nodded. “All Nadira’s design. You know, you have a very smart cousin.”
Yaz laughed. “I can see that.”
Penny hesitated. “And your dad said we could use the cushions if we put them back after. Is it time to put them back, d’you think?”
“Probably,” Yaz said. She glanced back at her mum and sister and aunts. “We’re going to need more places to sit.”
Penny nodded once and disappeared back into the fort. Yaz heard whispers, and a second later the blankets were falling down, and Rose, Penny, and Nadira were all extricating themselves from the wreckage. Yaz helped them reassemble the sofa and the armchair, and then she went into the kitchen, where her dad was in the middle of cooking what was, indeed, likely to be a ridiculous feast.
“Do you need help?” she asked.
Her dad turned around, waving a spoon. Yaz stepped back to avoid being splashed. “I think I’ve got it covered,” he said. “Your friend Penny helped a little bit. She’s brilliant in the kitchen, did you know? Gave me loads of new ideas.”
Yaz narrowed her eyes. “Whatever you’re making is going to be edible, right?”
“Yaz!” Her dad shook his head. “Give me some credit, why don’t you? Of course it’ll be edible.”
“Really?” Yaz asked. “‘Cause I know you, and I know her, and somehow I’m not sure I think anything that’s come out of that meeting of the minds will be something anyone with normal taste buds wants to put in their mouth.”
“She’s been to culinary school,” her dad protested. “She knows what she’s talking about.”
“All the culinary school in the world can’t teach you not to put marshmallows on pizza,” Yaz muttered.
“Oh, now, there’s a thought,” her dad said. “Marshmallows!”
“Dad, no.”
He laughed. “Not tonight, love. Don’t worry.”
“All right, Dad.” Yaz shook her head. “Glad you and Penny are getting along.”
“Oh, she’s brilliant. Good taste in friends, you’ve got.”
Yaz laughed. “Okay.” She nodded to the pots behind him. “Enjoy your cooking.”
He went back to it, and Yaz moved into the living room, where Rose and Penny were sitting on the sofa with Nadira and Yaz’s aunt Iman. Yaz squeezed into the corner next to Rose.
Her phone buzzed. She pulled it out: it was Sonya. Yaz looked up. Sonya was sitting in the armchair, staring fixedly at her own phone. Yaz looked back down at the text.
Sonya: u tell them yet ??
Yaz: ?
Sonya: abt u + rose
Yaz: Tell who?
Sonya: idk. the family??
Yaz: Doesn’t really seem like the time does it?
Sonya: i mean…
Sonya: everyones here
Sonya: + it wld be entertaining 4 me
Yaz: 🙄
Yaz: I’m not about to come out to our large and varyingly religious family for your entertainment.
Sonya: …please?
Yaz: -_-
Yaz: Not today anyway
Yaz: Would have to talk to Rose first
Sonya: 🙄 whatever
Yaz looked up from her phone to see Sonya raising an eyebrow at her from across the coffee table. She shook her head, and Sonya rolled her eyes. Yaz glanced next to her to see Rose looking at her curiously.
“Tell you later,” she muttered.
Rose nodded.
Yaz looked back at Sonya and stuck out her tongue.
Once the food was done, everyone trooped into the kitchen to fill their plates, and then scattered around the living room: the kitchen table only seated four, and just barely at that, and so Yaz wound up on the sofa again with Rose and Penny and Nadira, Sonya still in the armchair.
“Mum never would’ve let us eat on the sofa when we were your age,” Sonya said to Nadira, who was being very careful to hold her plate on her lap and not move around too much. “Even when Nani was over.”
“We used to get an extra chair around that table,” Yaz remembered. “Suppose it helped that me and Sonya were smaller.”
Rose glanced back at the small table, with the large chairs surrounding it. “With those chairs?”
Yaz shook her head. “We had different ones back then. Don’t know what happened to them.”
Once the meal was finished, Yaz’s aunts lingered, and so did Yaz— until finally, she blinked for a second too long and realized she was exhausted, and surely if she was this tired Rose and Penny would be too.
“Hey,” she whispered to Rose. “I might be ready to go.”
Rose glanced over at Penny, who was listening to Yaz’s dad talk about his latest conspiracy. “Time to rescue Penny?”
Yaz nodded.
Rose poked Penny. “Hey, you ready to go?”
Penny jumped. She’d actually been listening, Yaz realized, suppressing a laugh. Maybe her dad had met his match.
“Yeah, all right,” she said. To Yaz’s dad, she added, “You will have to tell me the rest tomorrow, though.”
“Nothing would make me happier,” he said. “But hold on a second. I can drive you back.”
Penny and Rose both looked to Yaz.
“All right,” Yaz said. “Hope no one was dead set on taking the bus.”
“I do like a good bus,” Penny conceded, her nose wrinkling with the thought. “More walking, though. Don’t much care for the walking.”
“I think there was agreement in there somewhere,” Rose teased. To Yaz’s dad, she added, “And thank you.”
“Not a problem at all. Just let me get the keys and we’ll be off.” Yaz’s dad headed towards the door, and Yaz, Rose, and Penny followed as he grabbed the keys off their hook and stepped outside. They took the elevator down to the ground level, and then they crossed the parking lot and piled into the Khans’ car. Yaz’s dad drove them the relatively short distance to the hotel, and they all thanked him as they got out, waving as he pulled away.
The second he was gone, Yaz let out a breath. She didn’t have any real animosity towards her family at this point, but it was still amazing how much easier it was to relax when they weren’t around. She still felt pressure, maybe, to be who they thought she was, even though she wasn’t sure how well that matched up with who she actually was. That disconnect didn’t really matter when she was just with Rose and Penny— they both knew her more or less as she was. It was strange, though, that the people who’d known her since birth knew a version of her that was, in some small but important ways, completely different from the version of herself she most closely identified with.
“Come on,” she said, and she led Rose and Penny into the hotel and down the hall to their room, where she wasted no time in kicking off her shoes and pulling out her hair tie before flopping onto the bed. Penny sat at the foot of the bed to take off her boots, and Rose sat down next to Yaz, brushing a hand through her hair and looking down at her.
“You all right?”
Yaz nodded. She lifted her head to rest it in Rose’s lap, closing her eyes. “Just tired.”
Rose hummed.
“I told Sonya about us,” Yaz said quietly.
Rose’s hand stopped moving in Yaz’s hair. “Yeah?”
“She was prying,” Yaz explained. She laughed. “Asked if I was dating Penny first.”
“You’d be so lucky,” Penny said, clambering towards the head of the bed and flopping onto her back. “I’m a catch.”
Rose laughed.
“It’s just ‘cause she hadn’t met you before,” Yaz said. She frowned. “Actually, now I think of it, she might’ve been trying to trick me into admitting me and Rose were together.”
“Sounds like it worked,” Rose teased.
“Sonya’s not stupid,” Yaz said. “And she knows me.” She hesitated. “She’s on me to tell the family.”
“Do you want to?” Rose asked.
Yaz hesitated. That was the question, after all. From what Sonya had said, her parents already suspected— but she wasn’t sure she was ready to say it out loud yet. She wasn’t sure she wanted to have the conversation with everything out in the open, everything free for the discussing.
“I don’t know,” she said finally. “Not everyone, I don’t think.” She let out a breath. “I’d tell Nani first if she weren’t in the hospital. I think—” She swallowed. “I think I want her to know.”
“Why can’t you tell her now?” Rose asked. Her hand was still moving through Yaz’s hair, tracing along her hairline.
Yaz frowned. “I don’t know. Feels weird.” She looked up at Rose. “She’d want to know, wouldn’t she?”
“You’d know better than me,” Rose pointed out. Her voice softened as she added, “But Yaz, she does love you more than anything. If something big’s happening in your life, she’ll want to hear about it, yeah?”
“Yeah.” Yaz sighed. “And I know she likes you. And it’s not like she’s homophobic or anything. I don’t think.”
“Nah, I’ve told her about all my exes and she didn’t care,” Rose said. “Even when I got to Clara.” She reached over with her free hand, intertwining her fingers with Yaz’s. “Different when it’s your grandkid, though.”
Yaz sighed. “Yeah. Don’t want to give her another heart attack.” She hesitated. “‘Course, Sonya’s probably already been gossiping with her about it. Might be a moot point.”
Rose squeezed Yaz’s hand. “You don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for,” she said.
“Would be funnier if you didn’t say anything and just kept bringing more and more people to your family stuff,” Penny added. “Keep ‘em guessing.”
“Yeah, all right,” Yaz laughed. “Mum would love that.”
“Can just see her trying to figure out what to say,” Rose said. “How far d’you think you can take it?”
“I think the real question is, where am I going to find all these people?” Yaz sat up, leaning into Rose. “It’s not like I’ve got, like, hundreds of friends. Especially not people I’d bring home to my mother.”
“Donna’d come,” Penny said.
“So would Bill, if you asked,” Rose added.
“And Ace,” Penny added. “Tell everyone she's your kid.”
Yaz laughed. “Yeah, the two of you are more than enough trouble for me. Don’t need to be getting anyone else involved.”
“Oi, I’m no trouble,” Penny said. “Your dad loves me.”
“And we’ll all be paying for that,” Rose snickered.
Penny swiped in her direction, her hand missing Rose by a mile and getting Yaz’s arm instead.
“Sorry,” she said, sounding anything but. Yaz rolled her eyes.
“Okay,” she said, pushing herself up. “I'm getting ready for bed. You all behave yourselves.”
“Oh, I always behave myself,” Rose said with a smirk.
“Whatever you say.” Yaz smiled as she picked out her pajamas and went into the bathroom. She came back out a few minutes later, her teeth brushed and her hair down, to see that Penny and Rose had drifted closer together, Penny curled up on the bed, Rose’s hand drifting through her hair. Yaz looked at them for a moment— she thought maybe she was supposed to be jealous, but really she just felt warm. For half a second, she pictured what this trip would've been like if she'd come alone— staying alone in a big hotel bed, going with her sister to the hospital and coming back to a stilted family meal. She was suddenly truly, overwhelmingly glad that that was not the case, the feeling welling up in her chest, pushing a soft smile onto her face.
Penny looked over at her, lifting her head. “Yaz! Come sit. Before Rose abandons me.”
“It’s not abandonment if I’m back the second my shower’s over,” Rose scoffed, already halfway off the bed. “Yaz, tell her.”
“No, it is,” Yaz said, still smiling at her. “You ought to be ashamed of yourself.”
“No one’s on my side,” Rose complained. Still, she stepped over to give Yaz a quick kiss before picking out her clothes and disappearing into the bathroom. Yaz took her place on the bed, lifting an arm so Penny could nestle closer to her. Penny did, and Yaz instinctively scratched at the shaved bits of her hair in return.
“You all right?” she asked quietly.
“‘Course I am,” Penny said. “Why wouldn't I be?”
“Just checking in,” Yaz said. “I’ve basically inflicted half my family on you, haven’t I? I mean, I’m exhausted, and I’m not even the one with chronic fatigue.”
“I like your family,” Penny said mildly. “And that cousin of yours was very good about it when I told her I’d only play with her if I could sit in the same place the whole time. And your dad’s a brilliant cook. Real sense of innovation.”
Yaz laughed. “That’s one way to put it.”
“Make no mistake,” Penny added. “I’m definitely up for a massive crash when we get back to London. But I’m all right for now.”
“I just don’t want to force you into overexerting yourself,” Yaz said.
“You’re not. Promise.” Penny pushed herself into a sitting position. “If I weren’t up for it all, I’d just stay at the hotel, wouldn’t I? ‘Course, that’d be boring, especially when at your place Nadira’s coming up with a brilliant new plot every three minutes.”
“Well, I’m sure everyone else is glad they don’t have to babysit, anyway,” Yaz said.
“Exactly!” Penny beamed at Yaz. “I’m useful.”
Yaz’s laughter bubbled up in her. “Don’t know what else I expected, really.” She glanced at Penny. “You could come with me and Rose to see my nan tomorrow, if you want. She said she wanted to meet you.”
“In the hospital?” Penny asked.
Yaz nodded. “You don’t have to,” she added, remembering Penny’s aversion to hospital rooms. “And you can leave whenever you want.”
“No, I’ll come,” Penny said. “If you’re sure you want me.” She swallowed. “Don’t know how long I can stay, but I can at least say hi. I think.”
“Love the confidence,” Yaz joked.
“My best trait,” Penny agreed.
They fell into a comfortable silence. Penny’s head fell onto Yaz’s shoulder, and Yaz leaned her own head against it, smiling to herself. A few minutes later, Rose came out of the bathroom, her hair still wrapped up in a towel.
“Hey, Yaz, d’you want me to do your hair again?”
Yaz lifted her head. “Yeah, actually.”
Rose smiled. She took her place behind Yaz as Penny slid off the bed to take her turn in the bathroom. She made quick work of the braid, and then she wrapped her arms around Yaz, and Yaz sank back against her chest, closing her eyes.
“I told Penny she could come to the hospital with us tomorrow,” she said. “To meet Nani. Is that a bad idea?”
“It’s your nan’s choice who she wants to meet,” Rose pointed out. “Just ask her before we come in.” She shrugged. “We don’t have to stay long, either, if she’s not up for it.”
“Little worried about Penny being up for it,” Yaz admitted. “She seems like the sort of person who’ll push herself when she shouldn’t.”
“And if she’s not doing well, we’ll leave,” Rose repeated. “Easy.”
Yaz turned her face into Rose’s neck, nuzzling herself closer. “Okay,” she said. “If you say it’s easy, I’m choosing to believe you.”
“Yeah, you always ought to believe me,” Rose said. “‘Cause I’m right, like, all the time.” The door to the bathroom opened, and Rose lifted her head. “Penny, tell Yaz I’m right all the time.”
“Yeah,” Penny said, sitting down at the end of the bed. “All the time.”
Yaz sat up. “Whatever. I’m going to sleep.” She rolled off Rose’s lap to push herself under the covers, sliding down until her head was on the pillow. “If you’re all done ganging up on me, you’re welcome to join,” she added.
“No need to get sarcastic,” Rose replied, slipping under the covers next to Yaz. “Anyway, it’s not like we can’t gang up on you from here.”
Yaz groaned. “Yeah, well, there’s two beds for a reason,” she said. “And I don’t actually think you want me using the other one.”
Rose wrapped an arm and a leg around her, pulling herself closer. “Definitely not.”
A second later, Penny crawled in on Yaz’s other side, a little more tentative as she moved closer. Yaz extended an arm, and Penny curled up in her negative space, her hesitance quickly dissipating..Yaz let her eyes slip shut.
Yaz woke up the next morning feeling unexpectedly good, all things considered. It took her a moment to pinpoint exactly why— but she was fairly sure it had something to do with the two people wrapped completely around her, both still asleep. Penny’s hair was fluffing up in Yaz’s face, and Yaz lifted her chin so she wouldn’t sneeze; and Rose’s face seemed to be buried in Yaz’s hair, with no consideration for whether or not she would be able to breathe. Yaz vaguely considered getting up, but it wasn’t a serious thought; she had all day to pace and worry, but right now she felt comfortable and safe, and that wasn’t something she could take for granted.
She must have dozed off again, because when she woke up, it was to Penny still asleep and Rose gently shaking her shoulder.
“Your sister’s on the phone.”
Yaz rolled over, pulling herself carefully out of Penny’s arms, and fell back to the pillow with a groan. “I was comfortable.”
“D’you want to talk to her or not?” Rose held out Yaz’s phone, and Yaz took it with a sigh.
“Hiya.”
“Yaz, where are you?” Sonya asked at the other end of the line. “Dad’s making enough breakfast to feed, like, six armies, and we’ve only got three extra people here, four if you count Ryan, and Nadira’s too small to eat her share. We need you.”
“Er— all right,” Yaz said, rubbing her eyes. “All of us?”
She could practically hear Sonya’s eye roll. “Of course all of you. D’you know Dad won’t shut up about something Penny said to him about his whole trash conspiracy yesterday?” She paused. “Actually, I should warn you. The flat’s full of trash. Awful timing, if you ask me.”
“Why—” Yaz shook her head. “Never mind. I don’t think I want to know.”
“You can ask him yourself, anyway,” Sonya replied. “When you get here.”
“Fine.” Yaz stretched, trying not to disturb Penny— although Penny seemed to be stirring, her eyes blinking open. “We’ll see you soon.”
“You’d better.” The line went dead, and Yaz dropped her phone on the bed.
“Any news?” Rose asked.
“Yeah,” Yaz said. “My dad’s making us all breakfast.” She glanced at Penny, who was pushing herself up on an elbow. “Morning.”
“Good morning,” Penny said, her words slurring together just a little. Her hair was all over the place, and Yaz resisted the instinct to reach out and smooth it down. “Did you say breakfast?”
“Yeah.” Yaz nudged Penny. “Get dressed and we can go.”
“Might have to grab something off the hotel breakfast first,” Penny said, already lifting her shirt over her head. “Blood sugar, and all that. And I’ve got medication. Promise I'll still eat whatever your dad’s got.”
“You know,” Yaz said, leaning back against Rose, “you might actually like my dad’s cooking. Similar palates.”
“Brilliant.” Penny had pulled on a long-sleeved undershirt and was now buttoning a short-sleeved buttonup over it. “Can't wait.” She glanced back at Yaz. “Are you getting dressed?”
Yaz groaned, turning her head against Rose’s chest. “Don't want to.”
“It's not that bad,” Rose cajoled, pushing gently at Yaz.
“Fine.” Yaz forced herself to slide off Rose’s lap and put her feet on the ground by her suitcase, bending over to sort through the clothes.
An hour later, Yaz, Rose, and Penny were at Park Hill, knocking on the door. Yaz's dad opened it with a grin, pulling all three of them into a hug.
“Dad!” Yaz protested, pulling away, and he let go. Next to Yaz, Penny stumbled.
“Sorry!” Yaz's dad suddenly looked horrified. “Didn't think— just wanted you to feel welcome.”
“Nah, that's all right,” Penny said brightly. “Worse reasons to get a bit wobbly, aren't there?”
“Suppose there are.” Yaz's dad stepped back. “Anyway, come in! Plenty of food.”
He wasn't kidding. He'd practically filled the kitchen counter with plates of eggs, rice, yogurt, pancakes, fruit, all of which had been picked at, but was nowhere near gone.
“How do you even do all this?” Yaz asked, shaking her head. She stepped around a trash bag— so Sonya hadn't been joking about that, then— and towards the counter. “Or fit it on this counter?”
“He was cooking for hours!” It was Nadira, who was sitting at the table with a mostly-empty plate.
“Just trying to help,” Yaz's dad said.
“It’s a great help,” Rose said, picking up a plate. She smiled at Yaz's dad. “Thanks.”
Yaz's dad puffed out his chest at the praise, and Yaz rolled her eyes affectionately as she reached for a plate. It was good, of course, that her family liked Rose, but Yaz always found it funny how easily pleased her dad was.
Yaz, Rose, and Penny filled plates and made their way over to the table, which was mostly empty. The Khans’ table could only fit four people, and even that was a bit of a squeeze, but the only one still eating now was Nadira, who was small enough that when Yaz, Rose, and Penny sat down, it didn’t feel cramped.
“I like your dad’s cooking,” Penny said to Yaz, shoving half a pancake into her mouth. She’d dumped salt on it, of course, in a move that Yaz knew better than to question.
“Tell him that,” Yaz said. She looked over to the kitchen, where her dad was now washing up. “Hey, Dad, Penny likes your cooking.”
He turned around, beaming. “Thanks!”
“That’s got you in his good books for the next hundred years,” Yaz said to Penny, not bothering to lower her voice.
“I heard that,” her dad called.
“Whatever,” she called back. “Where’s Mum?”
“Already at the hospital. With her sisters.”
“I’m going later,” Nadira said.
“Suppose I am too,” Yaz replied, giving Nadira as much of a smile as she could. To her dad, she added, “What about Sonya?”
“Went for a run,” her dad said. “She’ll be back soon.”
“Make the most of the peace while we have it,” Yaz muttered.
Rose laughed. “C’mon, she’s not that bad.”
Yaz raised her eyebrows. “D’you remember the first time you met her?”
“She wasn’t bad then, either!” Rose protested.
“Really?” Yaz asked, jabbing a bit of egg with her fork. “‘Cause I remember her sitting down and asking who you were, and why you were here, and what you were doing with me in London—”
“That was years ago,” Rose said. “She’s mellowed.”
“Yeah, ‘cause she couldn’t get to you.” Yaz glanced at Penny. “Really, I should give you a warning.”
“About what? Your sister?” Penny shoved a spoonful of blueberries in her mouth. “I can handle sisters. Been living with Donna for years, haven’t I?”
“You’ll see when she comes in here,” Yaz said.
“Don’t see what the fuss is,” Penny replied. “She was perfectly nice yesterday.”
“Yeah, but now we’re on her home turf.” Yaz shook her head. “Love her— don’t tell her I said that— but she has a history when it comes to my friends.”
Penny shrugged. “It’s still better than being bored at home.”
“You know, that's a good point,” Rose said. “We should come bug your sister every week.”
Yaz gave her a look. “Don't even joke.”
Rose just grinned back at her. Yaz flicked a bit of rice in her direction.
“Oi, eat your breakfast.”
By the time Sonya actually came back, Yaz was in the kitchen helping with the washing up, Rose and Penny having been roped into playing some kind of complicated make believe game with Nadira. The door opened, then slammed shut, and then Yaz heard Sonya’s footsteps disappearing down the hall.
Yaz dried off the last dish and went to sit with Penny on the sofa. The second she sat down, Penny yelped.
“Yaz, you can’t sit there! That’s the wall of my tower.” She gestured at the seat. “See?”
“Oh.” Yaz stood up and craned her neck until she saw the string that had been draped across the cushion. “Sorry. Er— can I sit somewhere else?”
Penny thought for a second. She moved over, pressing up against the arm of the sofa, and Yaz followed, carefully straightening the string.
“So,” she said. “Why are we in a tower?”
“I’m in a tower because I’m the princess,” Penny explained. “I don’t know what you’re doing here.”
Yaz looked at her and laughed. She had another string around her head, drooping towards her ear, and she was leaning back with her arms flung everywhere. In her T-shirt and jeans, she made for a very rakish princess, looking very much like she’d rather play in the dirt than— do whatever princesses did.
“Maybe I’m rescuing you,” she said. “Not that I think you need rescuing, mind.”
“No, Rose is rescuing me,” Penny said. “And Nadira. They’ve gone off to figure out their plan.” She paused. “‘Course, I suppose there’s room for someone else to steal me away. Or kidnap me. Could add for more excitement later.”
“Oh, yeah?” Yaz grinned.
“Or,” Penny added, “I could be a dragon in disguise, and you could be the real princess, and I’ve hidden you away somewhere, except you’ve escaped, and now you’re back in the tower—”
“You going to explain all this to Nadira and Rose when they get back?” Yaz asked.
Penny shrugged. “Don’t see why not.”
“All right, then. What do I do?”
“Get me with a sword or something?” Penny tried.
Yaz looked around, trying to visualize the “tower” around her. “D’you have a sword in here?”
“I don’t know,” Penny said. “You’re the real princess, aren’t you?”
“How dangerous are you?” Yaz asked. “As a dragon, I mean?”
“Oh, extremely.” Penny bared her teeth at Yaz. Yaz couldn’t help but laugh, and Penny broke character to grin in return.
“All right, then,” Yaz said. She straightened up, holding her head high. “Get out of my tower, you— foul beast.”
“Foul, am I?” Penny pouted.
Yaz nudged her. “Play along, won’t you?”
“Oh. Right.” Penny bared her teeth again. She reared back, and that was when Rose and Nadira came back in— or, more accurately, charged.
“We’re here to save you!” Nadira yelled, and then stopped short. “Why are there two of you?”
“Help!” Yaz called out. “The dragon is getting me!”
“Oh, no!” Rose ran towards Yaz. Penny gave an impressive growl, but Rose forged onward, stopping at the coffee table. “Nadira!” she called. “What will we do?”
“We have to climb the tower,” Nadira said. She clambered onto the coffee table and jumped from there onto Penny, who roared at her. Rose wisely stepped around the table with exaggerated climbing motions and jumped onto Yaz's lap, her legs bumping into Penny’s.
“How's this helping in the rescue?” Yaz asked, laughing.
“I don't know,” Rose said. “Not much space in the tower, is there? Got to sit somewhere.” She grinned at Yaz, and Yaz shook her head.
“If you say so.” On instinct, she wrapped her arms around Rose, and Rose’s grin grew.
“Oi, you're still under attack here!” Penny launched herself at Yaz and Rose, sending all four of them crashing to the couch in a pile.
Nadira wriggled out of it quickly, shouting, “Don't worry! I'll rescue you!” She began to mime like she was swinging a sword, and Penny reacted as if she'd been hit, her elbow jabbing into Yaz as she flung her limbs everywhere. Finally, she went limp, her tongue lolling out, her body a comfortable weight on top of Yaz and Rose. Nadira started tugging at her arm, still determined in her rescue.
“What are you doing?” It was Sonya’s voice. Yaz craned her neck from where she was pressed into the cushions, trying to see: Sonya, her hair damp, was standing over them.
“We’re playing castle,” Nadira explained. “Rose and I were trying to rescue Penny, but then she was a dragon, and then we were trying to rescue Yaz, and then I killed Penny with my sword.”
“You could join,” Yaz added, the usual layer of snark in her tone. “Be a moat monster or something.”
“You know I’m always the princess.” Sonya tossed her wet hair. A few droplets of water landed on Yaz’s face. “Anyway, if you’re done with the make-believe, Mum says Nani’s ready for visitors.”
“Why does no one tell me these things?” Yaz grumbled. She pushed herself up to a sitting position, twisting to face Sonya; Rose and Penny shifted to sit on either side of her. “Are you taking the bus?”
“Mum’s got the car.”
Yaz nodded. “Okay,” she said. “Tell me when you’re ready.”
“You’re assuming I want you along,” Sonya replied.
Yaz rolled her eyes. “Tell me when you’re ready,” she repeated.
“I’ll be a second,” Sonya said, pushing away from the couch. “Gives you time to finish your rescue, or whatever.” She disappeared back into the hall.
“Am I still dead?” Penny asked, looking around.
“You’re a ghost,” Nadira decided.
“Am I?” Penny looked positively delighted. “Brilliant. Do I get to float around?”
Nadira thought for a moment. “Yes,” she said. “And it means I get to rescue Yaz!” She grabbed Yaz’s arm.
Rose scrambled forward. “Oi, I thought I was doing the rescuing.” She winked at Yaz, and Yaz suppressed a blush.
Nadira rolled her eyes at her. “We’re a team.”
“Oh, all right, then.” Rose took Yaz’s other arm, and the three of them stood with great ceremony. As Rose and Nadira led Yaz away, Penny started up her dragon roar in a high, eerie register.
“Okay, I'm ready.” Sonya had entered the room again. Yaz turned around.
“Okay,” she said. “Let me get my shoes.” She looked at Rose and Penny. “You two all right here?”
“Never better,” Penny said.
“Says the one who's died and come back a ghost,” Rose teased. Her hand was still on Yaz's arm, and she let it travel down to give her hand a quick squeeze. More seriously, she added, “We’ll be all right.”
Yaz nodded. “See you tonight?”
“‘Course.”
Yaz let go of Roses’s hand and headed for the door.
NOTES: oughhh i haven't been writing as much lately and i'm catching up to myself… i'm writing chapter 29 right now. it's near the end though!! the wip doc is at like 85k, i'm still debating whether or not i think it'll hit 100k. there's so much and yet so little that still needs to happen… vwoo…
It was a quick bus ride back to the hotel, but still, Yaz found herself exhausted by the time she wound up back in their room. She kicked off her shoes and fell back on the bed, not even bothering to take off her leather jacket. A moment later, Rose was next to her, interlacing their hands, and then the bed dipped and Yaz realized Penny had sat down awkwardly at the edge of it. Without thinking, she reached out, tugging at Penny’s arm until Penny was lying there too, her face inches from Yaz’s.
“You’re still wearing your coat,” she said.
Yaz frowned. “What?”
Penny gestured at her jacket. “Doesn’t look comfortable.”
“Guess it’s not.” Yaz sat halfway up, struggling to get the jacket off. Finally, Penny sat up to slip it off her shoulders, her fingers grazing Yaz’s sleeves with all the care and delicacy one might use with fine crystal. With the same care, Penny folded the jacket and laid it on the nightstand, and then she flopped back down, her hair falling across her forehead. Yaz matched the pose. Falling onto her back, she found herself staring up at the ceiling, feeling totally and completely drained. But then Rose’s arm wrapped itself around her, and Penny inched tentatively closer, and Yaz let herself relax into her exhaustion. She felt a tear falling from one eye, and she didn’t stop it— a second later, Rose’s cool fingers were wiping it away.
“How are you?” Rose asked quietly.
“I—” Yaz swallowed. “I’m not sure.”
“That’s okay,” Rose murmured. “Can we do anything?”
Yaz hesitated. “Just— be here?”
Rose nestled closer, her chin hooked on Yaz’s shoulder. “We can do that.”
“It’s been a while since we had a meal, hasn’t it?” Penny added. “D’you want food?”
“Might be nice,” Rose said. She prodded Yaz. “Any requests?”
Yaz tried to think. She couldn’t. “Er— no.”
“That’s all right,” Penny said. She sat up, rummaging around in her pockets until she found her phone. “Think I can find something we all like. D’you know, I’m very good at Yelp?”
“I bet you are,” Rose replied, her head still buried in Yaz’s shoulder.
“Oh, don’t take that tone with me, Rose Tyler.” Penny was poking at her phone screen now. “I’m brilliant, I am. See? Here’s a place. Five stars. And it’s Chinese, and I already know what you’ll like.” She glanced at Rose. “Except they don’t deliver.”
“That’s all right,” Rose said immediately. “I can pick it up.”
“I’ll come with you,” Penny offered.
“Nah,” Rose said. “Been a long day. You ought to rest.”
“Oh, thank goodness.” Penny gave a dramatic sigh. “Don’t know what I would’ve done if you’d actually wanted me to go walking around.”
“Penny,” Rose said, lifting her head to look at her, “have you been letting people push you past your limits?”
Penny grunted in a way that was definitely not an answer.
Rose sighed. “If I’m about to push you like that, you’ve got to tell me, all right?”
“Yeah, all right.” Penny didn’t exactly sound committed, but Rose didn’t say anything. Penny passed the phone to Rose, their hands hovering for a moment over Yaz’s chest. “Here, put in your order.”
“‘Kay.” Rose held the phone above her and Yaz, tapping at the screen. “Yaz, did you want egg drop soup?”
“Don’t care,” Yaz said.
“Right, that’s going to be a yes, then.” A few moments later, Rose passed the phone back to Penny.
“That’s done, then,” Penny said, dropping her phone on the bed. “Pickup’s in twenty minutes.”
“Where is it?” Rose asked.
“Just around the corner, looked like.” Penny picked up the phone again. “I’ll text you.”
“I’ll set a timer,” Rose said. “Fifteen minutes.”
Those fifteen minutes passed in relative silence: Rose sat up against the headboard, fiddling with Yaz’s braid until finally Yaz pulled her hair tie out and let the hair come loose. Penny, for her part, had laid back down next to Yaz, her eyes closed. When Rose’s alarm went off, all three of them jumped, and Rose clambered to the foot of the bed to slip on her shoes.
“Back soon,” she said.
Yaz sat up to watch her go. Penny followed her lead, scrambling backwards until she was leaning against the headboard, and Yaz glanced at her.
“I didn’t ask,” she said. “How are you doing?”
Penny waved a hand. “Not about me, is it?”
“Is a little bit,” Yaz said. “You only came here ‘cause of your mum, and I’ve just made you sit in a hospital waiting room for hours. And I know you’re not exactly good with hospitals.”
“I’m all right in waiting rooms,” Penny said immediately. “It’s the exam rooms you’ve got to watch out for. And the ones with the— with the beds.” She shrugged. “Anyway, I didn’t only come ‘cause of my mum, you know.”
Yaz frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Wanted to help, didn’t I?” Penny let her head fall back. “Not that I’m all that much help, really. But you and Rose have been so good to me, and it sounded like you needed support.”
“I have Rose,” Yaz pointed out. “I wouldn’t have been alone.”
“Yeah.” Penny kicked at the blankets. “But, y’know. You need everything you can get, don’t you? I wanted—” She cut herself off.
“What?”
“Suppose I wanted to give you what I could,” Penny said. She glanced at Yaz, then quickly away. “Sorry. If you didn’t want that, I mean.”
“No,” Yaz said. “It’s definitely— I mean, I do want you here. I like having you here. I just don’t want to put too much on you. Especially when you’re already sick.”
“I’m always sick,” Penny said. “I mean, I’ve been in a bit of a flare-up, but even when I feel well, I’m sick. Can’t stop trying to help my friends just ‘cause I’m sick.” She shrugged. “Anyway, this sort of thing doesn’t take too much of my energy.” She paused, then added, “Although the hospital could stand to turn down the overhead lights, wouldn’t you say?”
Yaz surprised herself by laughing. “I was thinking the same thing.” She was quiet for a moment, and then she processed another part of what Penny had said. She shifted, turning to face Penny on the bed. “Penny, if you can’t be in the hospital rooms— if my nan wants to meet you, d’you need me and Rose to make excuses? ‘Cause we will, if you need it.”
Penny considered for a moment. “I don’t know,” she finally said. “D’you really think she’ll want to meet me?”
“She likes meeting my friends,” Yaz said. “And I don’t visit that often.”
“Okay,” Penny said. “I think I could do a short time. If there’s a chair. And as long as no one sticks anything in me.”
Yaz shook her head. “Why would they stick anything in you?”
“You never know. Doctors can be sneaky.”
“Well,” Yaz said, “I promise no one will stick anything in you.” She hesitated. “They can’t do anything without your permission, anyway. Even when you are the patient.”
“Right,” Penny said. “‘Cause we’re adults.” She nodded to herself. “Yes. I could do a short visit. Quick introduction, bit of small talk. I’m brilliant at small talk.”
Yaz rolled her eyes. “‘Course you are.”
“Oi, are you doubting me?”
Yaz fell sideways so that she was lying across Penny’s lap. “No. Don’t have the energy to doubt you.”
“Oh. That’s all right, then.” Penny hesitated. Yaz could feel her hands hovering just above her hair. “Can I braid your hair?”
Yaz shifted. “Er— yeah. If you want to.”
“It’s not going to look good, mind,” Penny said, her hands already sifting through Yaz’s hair. “I just like to occupy my hands, is the thing.”
“I don’t mind,” Yaz said. “I’ll probably just redo it before I go to bed.” She hesitated. “Or I’ll make Rose do it, more likely.”
Penny laughed softly. “Yeah. All right.” Yaz could feel Penny’s hands in her hair, separating a chunk into three strands, her fingers moving quickly as she formed the braid. Yaz let her eyes slide shut.
By the time Rose got back, Penny had finished four thin braids— no small feat, considering the length of Yaz’s hair. Yaz, for her part, was halfway to dozing off, but when she heard the door open, she pushed herself into a sitting position.
“I come bearing food,” Rose announced, dropping two plastic bags on the bed before sitting down herself. “Very nice place, by the way.”
“Told you.” Penny was already pulling cartons out of the bags. “I’m good at Yelp.” She offered Yaz a Styrofoam container. “Egg rolls?”
“Thanks.” Yaz pulled up the lid to reveal the two egg rolls. She set the container on the bed and pried open the sauce before picking up one of the egg rolls and nibbling at the edge. She wasn’t all that hungry, but she had to eat. She didn’t want to wind up passing out and causing her family’s second medical emergency of the week.
It took her most of the next two hours to eat what she considered a meal’s worth of food— and even then, they had almost half their order left over. Rose stashed it in the hotel’s minifridge, saying, “We’d better not forget that’s there.”
“We can have it tomorrow,” Yaz said. She reached out a hand towards Rose, and Rose got back on the bed and crawled towards her, catching her hand. Yaz pulled until Rose fell onto her lap, curling against her chest.
“Bedtime?” she asked.
“Well, I’m exhausted,” Yaz said. She stretched, pushing Rose off her lap so she could crawl to the edge of the bed and flip open the lid of her suitcase. She pulled out her flannel pajama pants and one of Rose’s tank tops— it might as well have been Yaz’s by now, considering that she didn’t think twice before packing it for herself. She took the clothes into the bathroom to change and brush her teeth.
“Hey, Rose,” she said when she came back out. “Will you braid my hair for me?” She still had the braids Penny had done, there among her loose hair, but to sleep she needed all her hair in one big braid so it wouldn't get tangled.
“Yeah, of course.” Rose was already sitting up. “Come sit.”
Yaz moved to sit in front of Rose, nestling between her legs— and then she noticed Penny’s eyes on her arms. Belatedly, she realized she hadn’t worn anything short sleeved in front of Penny before: she’d never really had reason to. She mostly only wore short sleeves if she’d stolen the clothes from Rose, after all, and almost always in the privacy of their home. She wondered whether she ought to say anything, but then Penny made the choice for her by saying, “I like the bird. When’d you get that?”
Yaz glanced down, trying to see the tattoo without moving her head too much. It was a sparrow, perched on a stick. “Seven years ago, maybe? Rose’s design, Dan’s execution.” She paused. “Rose, was that the first one you drew for me?”
“Don’t think so,” Rose said. “First one was the hearts, wasn’t it?”
“Oh, right.” Yaz glanced at Penny. “Other arm.” She raised the arm in question, showing Penny the inside of her wrist. The tattoo was simple, just two blue hearts next to each other— but Rose had drawn it, technically, for Dan to tattoo.
“Yaz did one on me to match,” Rose said, pausing the braiding just long enough to show Penny her left wrist. Her hearts were pink, a warm blush against her skin.
“Oh, that’s cute.” Penny tilted her head. “Bit of a commitment, isn’t it, matching tattoos?”
“Worked for us,” Rose said easily. Her hand went back to Yaz’s hair. “‘Course, we weren't really close yet when we got them. Just happened to both want the same design.” Her hand twisted a hair tie around the end of Yaz's braid, tugging gently at her hair, and then Yaz felt a kiss against the back of her head. “Okay. Done.”
Yaz leaned back against Rose’s chest. “Thanks.”
“Now get off me so I can get at my clothes,” Rose said, pushing at Yaz. Yaz rolled her eyes and moved away, and Rose slid off the bed, grabbed clothes out of her suitcase, and disappeared into the bathroom.
“D’you mind if I get dressed in here?” Penny asked, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed.
“No.” Yaz glanced at her. “Nothing I haven’t seen before, anyway”
Penny grinned back. “Suppose not.”
Yaz turned away anyway, mostly out of politeness. She heard the rustling of fabric, and then the bed dipped, and Yaz turned back to see Penny in one of her striped T-shirts, wiry arms bare, with a pair of blue basketball shorts dwarfing her legs. A second later, Rose came out of the bathroom, shaking out her hair, and Penny went in with her toothbrush.
Rose sat up at the head of the bed, tucking her legs under the covers. She lifted an arm, and Yaz curled against her side, her eyes drifting shut. When Penny came out of the bathroom, Yaz opened her eyes again: she was standing in the middle of the room, her eyes traveling from Yaz and Rose to the other as-yet-untouched bed. Yaz made a split-second decision.
“Stay here with us,” she said, lifting her own arm. “I mean, if you want to.”
Penny stared at her. “What?”
“She’s right,” Rose said. “No sense leaving one person out, is there?”
Penny took an unsteady step forward. “You— I mean, you’re sure about this?”
“‘Course we are,” Yaz said. “Come on.”
Penny took the two more steps to reach the bed. The second she got there, she fell against Yaz like a rag doll. Carefully, her arm still around Penny, Rose’s arm still around her, Yaz slid herself down until her head was on the pillow; Rose and Penny came with her. Rose’s arm was around her waist, an anchor, her breath pleasantly warm against Yaz’s ear, but Penny, once invited in, held on to Yaz like a koala, one leg wrapped around Yaz’s, her head buried in Yaz’s neck. Yaz breathed out a laugh.
“When’s the last time you had a proper cuddle?” she asked, affectionate.
Penny froze. “Sorry, is it too much?”
“‘Course not,” Yaz said, tightening her hold on Penny. “It’s nice. Honest.”
“Oh.” Yaz could feel Penny’s muscles relax. “Sorry.”“Nothing to apologize for.” Yaz turned onto her side, pulling Penny closer as Rose nestled against her back. She felt herself smiling, despite the day she’d had, despite her exhaustion, despite all her lingering worry. She felt surrounded, in the best possible way. And finally, easily, she drifted off to sleep.
