this is things i want to say to you on our next meeting (if it actually happens)
i want to hear your story. i want to know whats going on with your life, what happen back then, what are your struggles. i really need to hear you and not interrupting you.
is it my turn to talk now?
thank you for sharing your stories with me.
again, i really mean what i said back then. i really care about you and your priorities especially your family. i still am. i want nothing but you to be happy.
after you said those things to me back then, i realize : ah, i am a burden for you, i should not come to your life.
sorry, i think i will cry, you know, i am an emotional person.
not gonna lie, i was disappointed of myself, i never ever blame you for back then.
the thing is, i was frustrated. i also did not blame myself fully, it was what i really felt back then. you know i always told you what i felt. then i said that thing that i should not have said to you.
until now, i still blame the situation. i was on my low point, and you were on your lowest point. its just wrong timing. i kept thinking about that.
then i realize, maybe it is the right time to step back, regaining myself, giving you space so we can take care of ourselves.
at this period when we were apart, i began to know myself better.
i become very attached, more emotional, dependent, childish when i am with you. i lost myself in that process. now i’m regaining back myself.
i realized that i’m a very anxious person, that’s also why i said those horrible things to you back then. now i am really want me to overcome my anxiety problem with feeling the present, trying to think positive, be grateful about little things.
I’m not saying that I’m no more feeling anxious, but I really try to get better.
so for me, our break has gave me positive things. doesn’t mean i didn’t have downside of it.
i didn’t eat for 3 days, and i can’t eat properly for 1 week after what happened.
until now, my daydreaming and my late night thought is always been you.
i tried to distract myself with meeting my friends, my old friends, spent my time with my family, watching my favorite tv series. but still, your shadows is still there back in my mind.
i really missed our memories, but the most important thing i really miss you. i miss the person who can understand me, who i can really talk about anything with, who i can bully for jokes, who always give me wisdom, who always remind me of things, who really care about me when im sick, the person who i consider my best friend, my soulmate, my home.
those things, when i ask you to us to try again, it’s not merely because i missed you, i want to make our relationship work as lover by compromising, learning each other, respect each other, and care each other. i want us to be a unit, not merging into one single entity. and you know what i also want to know your family, hearing your stories makes me want to be part of your family.
i haven’t found someone like you in my life ever, and i do hope you want to try to walk together in our life with me while we grow each other and ourselves.
but, if only you have the same thought of me, and if you still have feeling for me.
if not, well i do hope you can still be my best friend.
anyway, as i said, i always love you because Jesus said we have to love everyone!
titsay
ellievsbear
germansingergirl
tangentwithtanner
turnnoffyourmind
gamechangershow
