Regulus & Remus || The Library.
Remus was beginning to get incredibly frustrated. On one hand, Regulus was much like a piece of homework, but one which was impossible to complete with any success. Remus worried over the puzzle that was laid out before him, but unlike any piece of homework he’d ever done in his time at Hogwarts he couldn’t see a solution. He knew it was naive to say Regulus could choose sides. Sirius had done it, but it had cost him something. It had put Regulus at greater risk, as was now apparent. Sirius might not have realised it at the time, but Remus doubted he’d give much thought to it regardless. It hadn’t mattered because the simple fact was Grimmauld Place was no home for Sirius. Remus didn’t need to be told that Regulus’ own departure would prove even more hazardous. It was merely the bane of being an only son in a time of war. You couldn’t leave your family unprotected, not without feeling the sharp stab of guilt and regret.
“It’s not hopeless,” Remus said. Hell, if a werewolf could attend Hogwarts, find three of the best friends known to manking, and even make it to his seventh year without his secret coming out to the entire school than anything was possible. But how? How was it possible, because the last time he’d read the papers it was glaringly obvious that You Know Who was winning this war. People were killed every day and yet the cells of Azkaban prison were far from being full. No one had shed light on how to destroy You Know Who, only the most powerful dark wizard of their time. How two students of Hogwarts could get out of this unscathed was beyond him.
“Speak to Dumbledore, Regulus,” he continued. There was a hint of a plea in his voice that was entirely involuntary and he hated himself for letting his voice betray him like that. Remus was normally so reserved, normally the master of his own emotions so that if he couldn’t deal with them he could at least deny them when he needed to, deny them to the rest of the school. But his utter failure to control them on this particular occasion was precisely that which had led him here. Remus was angry, bitter, unable to fathom what lay beyond the walls of Hogwarts and what his place in it might be, and so he had turned to a creature who appeared at first glance more desperate than he. He just so happened to go by the name of Regulus Black.
“Speak to Dumbledore. If anyone has a solution, it’s him.” Remus seemed to be struggling with his next words, willing himself to say them despite the fact that Regulus would probably spit a retort in response. “I want to trust you. Especially as you’ve clearly taken it upon yourself to trust me. Regulus, if you trust me than believe me when I say you should speak to Dumbledore.” Remus refused to have his faith in Dumbledore questioned. Dumbledore had granted him his very existence as he knew it. Had he not allowed him into his school, Remus would have been home-schooled, he never would have made friends, never would have been a Marauder, and never would have gone by the nickname Moony. And these were amongst the few things Remus valued, even more so than his life, which was rather pitiful even with them to make it more bearable.
However the notion that Dumbledore might have already known about this was troubling. Remus wasn’t without doubt. He had spent many an hour contemplating his own role in the war after leaving Hogwarts and he had his suspicions about what that might be. It came in handy that he was a werewolf, and it had occurred to him that Dumbledore might wish to make use of that. However that’s all it was, a suspicion. What if he saw that in Regulus too? What if this was all some grand scheme of the headmasters? It was mind boggling. Disturbing even. Regulus shook the thought from his mind, appealing to the part of Regulus that had seen something in him that enabled him to speak of this in the first place. “I’ve already told you I’m not giving up, so stop trying to scare me off. I’ve faced worse than the likes of you anyway.”
It was something he had always hated even as a child, having to make a choice. He had had that desire stamped out of him young, he wasn’t supposed to be thinking for himself at that age – he was supposed to follow what his parents said and did and never question it. That’s what he had done for years and at first it was effortless he would walk and talk and act the part, it wasn’t until he started school that he started to question just why he was supposed to do this and that. That was when he had begun to learn the hard way that that wasn’t something he was permitted to do. He had learnt at first with harsh words and severe looks and later at the end of his Father’s wand if he was home and if not his Mothers and he couldn’t honestly say which was worse. It hadn’t taken him long to realize that if he simply kept his mouth shut and did what he was told he was rewarded, praised and treated like an adult. So he had gone with the easy route, unlike his brother who had never stopped questioning and before he left he had even resorted to provoking their parents to the point that even Regulus was scared of what they would do.
He had the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach as he regarded Remus that this wasn’t much of a choice at all. This was his only option and while that did make things easier it also angered Regulus because he was bitter against the old man who would give him knowing looks in the corridors yet he wouldn’t do a damn thing. His foot began to twitch beneath the table and he knew that he needed to move before it got worse and his whole leg would follow it so he stood himself up, stretching himself gracefully and acting as if nothing was amiss before he turned away from Lupin and began to leisurely stroll around the room. He wanted nothing more than to pace but he knew better than that, Merlin moving was probably too big of a giveaway of his agitation as it was but he couldn’t of sat still for much longer. His fingers fiddled with the cuffs of his shirt as he walked and he closed his eyes as he imagined himself stood in the Headmasters office professing everything. His stomach rolled at the thought.
‘I want to trust you.’ The words were laughable but they were meant truthfully he knew and he wouldn’t throw them back into Lupin’s face, not after he’d promised to himself that he would do whatever he could to make this easier. It was true that Regulus had given Lupin rather a lot of his trust but that didn’t mean that his word was gold – Regulus barely knew the boy when it came down to it. He knew he was simply prolonging admitting that he’d be following Lupin’s words but he wasn’t quite ready to get them out of his mouth just yet. He had thus far managed to ignore the warm feeling he’d felt when Remus had said he wouldn’t give up on him and as Regulus looked at the boy out of the corner of his eye he knew that he was telling the truth, he wouldn’t give up on him. “Self-destructive.” He muttered to himself as he turned once more around an old desk, lip curling slightly as his robe swept against the surface and gathered dust, what did Filch even do all day?
He straightened his back, cleared his throat and turned back towards Lupin with his mask firmly in place. A wry and slightly dark smile curled on his lips and he clasped his hands against his stomach and leaned forwards as if he was eager, “Not much choice in it really do I? Either way I’m going to end up my life in the hands of another person – better the devil you know and all that.” He waved a hand as if to dismiss his words before shrugging his shoulders and stuffing his hands into the pockets of his robes. “Thanks for the pep talk Lupin, I can take it from here. Best get back to your chums hmm? I’m sure you have some third years just begging to be terrorized.” With that he stood back and stared at him with raised eyebrows, the path to the door clear.
He didn’t for a moment believe that Lupin was really just going to turn his back on him now but he hoped that he would. He’d made the mistake of gushing out his feelings to him like some Hufflepuff 2nd year with a crush already, he didn’t want the Gryffindor to see him beg – which he no doubt would have to to Dumbledore. There were also matters that he didn’t doubt Dumbledore would bring up regarding his family and Regulus didn’t want Remus there for that, he didn’t want him to get an even more negative view on them than he already must have from what Sirius had said.
